Rating: G (I think, I suck at ratings.)
Spoilers: S2 finale
Author’s notes: English is not my first language so expect grammar and spelling mistakes. Not Betaed.
I wrote this one night I couldnt sleep and found it again the other day, so I decided to type it up and post it, so here it is. Its kinda blah but since it was writtien, I decided to post anyways...
Disclaimer: Don’t own anything, don’t have money, please don’t sue.
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Thoughts...
Can they not see me? Maybe if they bothered to really look at me, at least once they’d be able to see the feelings running inside… But do they even care? Does anyone?
Dad… He cares, I know he does, but I can’t be selfish to the point of bothering him with my trivial problems. He has enough to handle as it is, raising me alone, taking care of the house, and working… Look at them, chatting, not even noticing I’m here, pretending to work to avoid listening to their constant whining about everyday things that happens to every normal teenager.
Lana Lang, the girl has the entire town feeling sorry for her… Hell, even I used to feel sorry for her, until I heard her go on about her dead parents for the 5th time, parents she can’t even remember! And its not like she didn’t have love and attention as a child, she always had Nell looking out for her. And now, now she may have found her birth father and he actually seems interested on getting to know her better… Sure she must have abandonment issues, well it’s a fact that she does, everyone heard her going on about how everyone leaves her, and how that is ‘the story of her life’ at least twice. Her parents died the day the meteors hit, so what? At least she knows they’re dead, they didn’t leave her because they actually wanted to. Her aunt never left her, she moved to Metropolis. That makes the total of ZERO people leaving her because she wasn’t worth their love…
Gosh how pathetic can he get? Clark Kent isn’t paying any more attention to whatever Lana is whining about because his brain is using that space to make sure the nods and puppy dog eyes are added in the right places. It’s kinda funny how someone who you consider your best friend can be just as oblivious about you as anyone else. I guess our friendship is what it is now because I was sick of being treated like I wasn’t worth of his time… And to think I once considered him a gentle and caring person. One of my two only friends…
The other one being Pete… Unlike Lana and Clark he was never a self-centered jerk, he actually used to listen to me… When I was having my Clark-Crisis he was the one to help me through it, he was my shoulder to cry on… But now? Now he can’t even look me in the eye. Even though we had been distant before this happened, I knew I could always count on him, and then I fucked it up. I can’t blame him for hating me, I didn’t stop to think about the consequences when I agreed on that deal, I brought this upon myself and I don’t know how to apologize. I can’t even ask Clark to play peacemaker…
I hate feeling like this, since the word about the deal came out its like everyone in this town is judging me when I walk by… The anger in their eyes, always glaring at me suspiciously, even dad has been getting weird looks from people, and I can see the disappointment on his face whenever someone mentions it. He says he knows I was hurting and that’s because I went through with it, but that’s no excuse for doing what I did. If I was hurting I could have simply gotten drunk, or high on something like normal people do, not go and make a pact with the devil, fuck up my whole life and to make matters worst, drag dad along.
I still am confused as to why I decided to go through with this; I just wish I had someone to talk to, to ask for advice. Someone who could help me out of this, help me find a way to fight and beat Lionel in his own game… Someone who has done this before, someone who knows him and is not afraid to stand up to him, but who? Any person who ever stood up to him, went mysteriously missing… Maybe I should just finish my end of the deal and get over it, otherwise I could make things worst and… Lex! How could I not have thought about this before?
But is getting involved with yet another Luthor a clever decision? “The enemies of my enemies are my friends.” I guess its worth a try… It’s not like I have anything to lose. I screwed up the first time, it can’t get any worst…
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