DISCLAIMER: We do not own SV or any of its characters. We're not making any money off this either. In fact, we're not making any money at all, so don't sue us.
SUMMARY: Chloe has some hard data to back up her claims of why she and Lex should have sex.
A/N: Blue: Here's another one for your perusal. The beginning is a little strange but it shows you how our stories come to be sometimes. Enjoy!
A/N: Sabby: This one is strange in so many ways. But I swear we weren't doing any drugs while we wrote this. Though, drugs might be a good excuse. Yes, totally crack. and shrooms.
Blue: Can see Chloe going up to Lex, all my data indicates that you are the alpha male in SV, please please me now
S a b by: and Lex would be like 'show me the data'
Blue: She whips out her binder and then he needs a reason to do her for himself
S a b b y: you put Jonathan Kent in the same column?!?
Blue: Well, he was the next best specimen
Sabby: I'm insulted
Blue: Looks at the data...he's the next intelligent according to my tests *flips a page* Sure, physically he doesn't stack up but hey, I came to you first
Sabby: I need a drink
Blue: *tries to take drink away* It may impair your performance or kill you, I can't have that if we're going to mate
Sabby: Mate? What do I look like? An animal? And for that matter, why do you want to mate? I've heard of the phenomenon of a female's biological clock or equally suspect theories, but ...You're not even out of high school!
Blue: I'm just using technical terms. Listen *lowers voice* I'm horny and I want to have sex. I'm not trying to ensnare you in a relationship
Sabby: *lowers voice equally* and it never occurred to you to go to a bar?
Chloe rolled her eyes at Lex. She should have known that he wouldn't just give in and leave with her. She explained, "I wanted it to be someone I knew. So, I could have," she paused and locked eyes with him, "future access if I needed it."
There was only one reason why she would act like that. “Chloe, have you been in contact with any strange substances, maybe green and glowing and in the shape of rocks, in the last... when did you say this idea started?”
Lex attributing what he viewed as strange behavior to meteor rocks was expected. But, it still annoyed her. However, making sarcastic comments wasn't going to get him into her bed so she stowed them for now. "I know meteor induced delusions and frenzies when I see them, Lex. I told you, I know what I'm doing and what I want." Even though they were in a public place Chloe let herself rake over Lex's body with her eyes. "Do you really think that I need meteor rocks in order to want to nail you?"
Lex accepted the compliment with a smirk, but that didn't change anything. “No, but it can only be some strange affliction that would make an otherwise reasonable and intelligent woman make a chart about possible sexual partners including Jonathan Kent and subsequently approaching the subject on top of her list. Not to mention you used the word 'mating' which in and off itself.”
This was far more conversation than Chloe had hoped for. Where, she wondered, was the famed Luthor callousness? Couldn't Lex just throw a few bills on the table and leave with her? "I went about it scientifically. You'll notice that there are many men on the list." She flipped through it and Lex eyed is suspiciously. "I am just as surprised as you that Mr. Kent came in second."
“As for the terms I’m using, I’m just trying to keep it cut and dried.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “If I called it making love you would have run screaming from me and if I called it fucking, I’m sure you would have had some comment about that as well. From now on I’ll just call it sex or intercourse if it’ll make you feel better.”
Lex gave her a dead pan look, surprised that she wasn't becoming beet red by now or at least slightly flustered considering the topic they were discussing and his obvious disinterest. “It would make me feel better if you dropped the subject and got this ridiculous idea out of your head. I am not going to sleep with you. If you need it so badly, I'm sure I'll be able to provide you with a number for a male-escort service.”
And that was that. It was simply not going to happen that he would bed a high school girl from Smallville, Kansas, after she approached him with a chart and just plain demanded of him to have sex, correction mate with her.
Chloe whipped open her binder and made a few more notes in Lex’s section. She could feel him watching her so she tilted the binder up, hiding what she was writing. She hadn’t been fool enough to think that it would go smoothly, she was just hoping that it would.
Stupid Lex, what with the sleeping with every woman who moved. Well, actually, a certain type of woman that moved. But, if he refused, at least she would find out why he didn’t want to sleep with her.
“Thank you for your kind offer, Lex, but I do know how to operate a phone book and numerous friends from Metropolis gave me a few numbers and others offered their own service.” She paused, thinking about Jimmy asking for another ‘crack at it’ as he said.
“Would you mind telling me why you don’t want to sleep with me?” Her pen was poised above the paper. “It would really help me. Is it because I’m not your type? Are you not attracted to me and, if so, why?”
This was just too weird. It couldn't possibly be real. Maybe it was him. He took a look into his coffee, but it didn't look strange. He knew for a fact he hadn't had any strange substances either, so. Oh! Oh he got it now.
“Ha-ha,” he answered dead pan. “I would have figured that a prank like this is more Pete's style than your own, so who roped you into this?”
Closing her binder and placing it back on the table Chloe leaned forward and caught Lex’s gaze. “This isn’t a joke. I’ve been going about this logically and scientifically. I want to sleep with you. You’ve stated that you don’t reciprocate this feeling so I want you to tell me why.” She briefly touched his knee and said, “It will help me when I approach the next guy.”
Lex took her hand and replaced it on the table without thinking about it, keeping his gaze firmly rooted to her eyes. “And I still think you are either affected by something or have just plain lost your sanity. You're a very attractive girl, so that's a pity, but I am not going to get even further involved with this than I already have.”
Standing up he shook his head and gave Chloe one last look. “And I suggest you find a different way of going about satisfying your needs, because this is not going to show positive results. With anyone.”
Chloe chuckled at the almost outraged tone of voice that Lex was displaying. It appeared that she had insulted his delicate sensibilities. Which was a little fun because he got the most appealing look on his face as he spoke to her. But, he was mistaken about one thing.
“Lex, I think that you’re wrong there.” She stretched out her legs on the chair that he had just vacated and tilted her head up to look at him. “I’m sure that one of the men that I approach will be amenable to the terms that I’ve set up. It’s just a real pity that it wasn’t you.” It was also a problem that he became all the more attractive to her now that he had turned her down. What was it with her and rejection?
Almost to herself she said, “I was sure that you would have been an excellent lover and was looking forward to trying out some things with you.”
Still shaking his head he turned around and looked at Chloe once more. “You are quite clearly insane. I can only hope you won't end up getting yourself in over your head in trouble. Does your father know about this little project of yours?”
She was aghast at the very idea of her father finding out. He would hit the roof and not understand what she was trying to do. Apparently, neither did Lex. Well, that was her fault, she didn’t bother to really explain what her endgame was.
Standing up and gathering her belongings together she said, “Of course he doesn’t. How do you think he would react to this? Firstly, he doesn’t even know that his innocent little girl isn’t innocent anymore. Secondly, he wouldn’t understand what I’m doing by using actual hard data to select the next man I want to be with.”
As she picked up her bag she shoved the binder back into it. “I don’t hope to get a boyfriend out of this. It’s not what I want right now or what I’m looking for.” She looked over at Lex. “I’m sick of wasting my time on men who don’t know what they’re doing and have no idea how to properly pleasure a woman. It’s not sexually fulfilling at all. That is what I want. I don’t think my father needs to hear that, do you?”
This was about the hundredth time she'd referred to her hard data. “Just what the hell are you using for hard data anyway?”
It was plain ridiculous, yes he could understand wanting to get laid. And he could understand that a woman could get frustrated if left unsatisfied for too long, but making a fucking chart?
When Lex’s gaze flitted over to her bag Chloe quickly moved it closer to her body. She knew that Lex would never snatch it away from her, it wasn’t his style, but a girl couldn’t be too careful.
“Some of it wasn’t gotten strictly on the up and up so I’d be appreciative if you didn’t get all righteous on me.” Lex clearly wasn’t going to answer her so she just went on. “Well, I’ve looked at various medical records to see if anyone has any mobility problems or are talking any medication. I know, it’s horrible, it’s an invasion of privacy but I needed the information.”
“I’ve looked into the men’s sexual histories as much as I could and spoken with partners that they’ve had if possible.” She knew that Lex was not going to take kindly to his privacy being violated, hell, she wouldn’t herself but she was trying to be honest with him.
“I couldn’t waste my time actually speaking to the men, too much chance of them lying to me and messing up the data.”
Actually telling Lex what she had done made Chloe realize how crazy she did sound. And, how far past the line she had gone. But, what was done was done. If Lex already thought that she was crazy, his opinion of her couldn’t drop all that much more.
There were very few incidents in his life where Lex didn't know what to say. This was one of them. The thought of Chloe approaching Victoria or hell forbid Desiree or Heike or Carry or really any of his former lovers and ask them about their sex struck him speechless.
How could someone like Chloe stoop so low? It just wasn't fathomable. She'd definitely lost her mind. That was the only reasonable explanation for this.
“Chloe, for your own sake and the one of every male in Smallville. Please,” and he couldn't remember the last time he'd used that word with anyone. “Forget about this and go to a professional escort service. Don't ruin your reputation with indiscretion and,” he pointed at the papers on the table, lacking a way to describe this properly, “This.”
For a moment Chloe actually considered heeding Lex’s words. But she shook her head forcibly, striking that crazy idea away. She’d put so much time and energy into it. She had to go through with it or the whole thing would have been a waste.
She picked up the last of her papers and put them back into her bag. “Thanks for caring, Lex.” She said the words genuinely as she made sure that she hadn’t left anything behind.
“But what you suggested is out of the question. And you can rest assured that my reputation won’t be hurt by this. You’re the only one who knows for now and I’m sure you won’t tell anyone.” Lex looked so freaked out by their conversation that she was convinced that he’d do anything and everything to forget it. “I think that number two on the list won’t have such reservations and I trust him to be discrete.”
When Lex’s eyes widened, she realized what she said and started to laugh. “Not the real number two. God,” she shuddered as she thought of Mr. Kent, “I meant the next guy that I can approach.”
Lex sighed, slowly regaining his composure. He could see now that Chloe was going to go through with this come hell or high water. He could only hope she wouldn't ruin her reputation with it. He didn't even want to know who number 3 on the list was.
”I'm sorry you think you have to resort to such means, Chloe. But for what it's worth, I wish you good luck.”
With that he turned and hoped he'd never hear of this again, especially not from the town gossip.
“Wouldn’t have to wish me good luck if you’d just put out,” Chloe muttered as Lex headed for the exit.
She had never considered Lex to be prudish. Yes, this was an outlandish situation and he had handled it well but she was still miffed that he had turned her down. And still not told her why he wouldn’t sleep with her.
Careful not to touch him Chloe walked after him before he could leave the coffee house. “Lex, I’m sorry to be such a pest. I know this makes you uncomfortable but could you please just tell me why you won’t do it? Other than the fact that you think I’ve lost my mind, that is. What is it about me that makes you say no?”
This was something else that she hoped to learn. She didn’t think any other man would turn down sex with no strings attached. Afterwards, she hoped to pick the guy’s brain for what it was in her that was lacking.
Lex continued out of the coffee house, not willing to discuss this in a room full of people, when they were in front of his car, he turned on his heel. “You're in high school, you worked for my father, you were hung up on Clark Kent for years and I suspect part of you still is, I stopped having casual sex after I was framed for murder because of it, we're in Smallville, Kansas. I was the man who fired your father and won't be the man who fired your father then slept with his daughter. And that's just the reasons off the top of my head.”
Chloe though over Lex’s numerous reasons and wished that she had time to write them down. She had to admit that some of them were valid….from where Lex was standing. And, unfortunately, some of them were ones that she had no control over changing. But, she could at least address some of them. If Lex didn’t get in his car and peel off, that was.
“Yes, I’m in high school but I’m not some silly twit of a girl who doesn’t know what she’s doing and I’m above the age of consent.” She was fairly certain, for some reason, that Lex already knew that. “Also, I am no longer in love with Clark. I know that I’ve said that before but I didn’t even consider him in this equation.” The idea of being with Clark with all of his bumbling just did not seem like a good idea. Or a comfortable one at that.
The rest of Lex’s reasons had to do with him and who he now was. “As for the rest of your reasons, I accept and respect them. Not that you need me to do either of those things. I’m sorry if I upset or insulted you, Lex.”
The only problem with his reasons was that she couldn’t change anything about herself using them as a guideline. Which is what she was hoping for. She wasn’t about to give herself a major overhaul to snare a man but it would be helpful to find out from an honest source what some of her more off putting traits were. In general, she was certain it would help her in all aspects of life.
Greg Tarsez passed into her field of vision. He was crossing the street towards the Talon. He nodded at her and said hello. ‘Number three,’ her mind supplied as she smiled back.
Lex nodded in acceptance, then stepped around the car to the drivers side. “Very well, you've got your reasons so now, I'll leave you to your project.” He opened the door and settled behind the wheel.
It was just incredible, but it wasn't his business. Not his business at all. At least she wouldn't be throwing herself at Clark. It wasn't his business. It could be worse. It wasn't his business. What if she ended up with a freak? It wasn't his business. Or since this was Smallville, a freak who tried to kill her? It wasn't his...
He got back out and turned to look at her over the hood of the Porsche. “Get in the car.”
Usually Chloe would have put up some type of protest at being spoken to in such a manner. But, she knew that she was on thin ice where Lex was concerned. His current state was her fault so she wasn’t really in a place to complain about the treatment she was getting from him. Instead she opened the passenger’s side door and slid into the car.
Lex was a big, ole ball of tension as he pulled out of his parking spot. She was thrown a little back into her seat as she fastened her belt. She saw that her binder had fallen out of her bag and she picked up the two items and placed them in her lap.
When Lex hadn’t said a word to her after a few minutes Chloe asked, “Where are we going?”
“The mansion,” he answered glibly.
It wasn't his business at all who she slept with. He knew that. And he didn't care. However, knowing what she was going to do, if she ended up getting killed because of it he would feel responsible. He had enough things that he was already feeling responsible for and this was not something he wanted to add to the list. At the moment, he didn't know yet what he was going to do, but if he couldn't convince her to drop this harebrained plan, he would at least make sure that there was no freak on her list of potentials. Ruining her reputation in a small town was one thing. Getting killed because of a need to get laid a completely different one.
Tied wrists, bloody sheets, glazed eyes, open mouth. Dead
He pushed the image aside and his foot down hard on the accelerator. It was not going to happen.
As Lex dangerously wove his way through the town, Chloe did her best not to flinch or gasp as they went around hairpin turns. She trusted that Lex would usually be a very capable driver with another passenger in the car. However, he was clearly upset by their earlier conversation and it was affecting him.
When they were finally at the mansion Chloe breathed an audible sigh of relief. Lex turned off the car and exited the vehicle. He rounded around the Porsche and opened her door, offering her his hand out of the car.
He still said nothing to her as they entered the mansion and he gave his butler or whatever he was strict instructions that they were not to be bothered. If he hadn’t so vehemently said earlier that he had no intention of sleeping with her the words would have excited her. Now, she was just filled with a deep sense of foreboding. She clutched her bag closer to her body as she entered his study.
“Care to tell me what all of this is about,” she asked, hearing the usual bite to her voice surfacing again. She was thrown by Lex’s actions and needed to get her footing back.
Lex strode towards his desk, ignoring Chloe's snide question as she followed after him like he'd expected. He sat down, fired up his laptop and looked up at her. “I know that it is none of my business who you are sleeping with. However, considering the way you approach this endeavor and after you told me, I do intend to make sure you are not making a horrible mistake that might cost you more than simply your reputation. Now, hand me your data.”
Lex didn't know why exactly, but he was angry. He had better things to do with his life than research the prospective sex partners of an 18 year old high school girl. But no, said high school girl was in his mind considered a friend of sorts, so of course he would have to make sure she didn't get herself killed through sheer stupidity. Just fucking great.
Chloe took her bag off of her shoulder and looked at it. She was torn as to what she should do. She didn’t enjoy being spoken to in such a manner but Lex was holding onto himself by a very thin string and she didn’t want to make it snap.
When he practically growled her name, in a not unattractive way she noted, she said, “Fine, but please don’t give me a lecture about what I have or question how I got it.” She took the binder out and placed it on his desk with a resounding thump. Chloe was nothing if not thorough. She placed the random pieces of paper that had come loose from the binder on top.
“What are you going to do with it,” she asked suspiciously. She wondered what Lex had access to on his laptop that he thought would keep her safe. “None of them or serial killers or have a criminal record. I already checked that out. I wouldn’t go off with some guy that might kill me, Lex. Give me a little credit.”
Lex merely grunted derisively in answer and grabbed the main list. Striking his name, as well as Jonathan Kent's off the list, he continued on. He went through the stack of information she had, focusing on the medical records and looking for any oddities that had nothing to do with the reproductive system. Reading the first name on the list, he searched for the appropriate file on his computer.
“Greg Tarsez” moved to Smallville 1995 from Fairfield, IL. Good. He moved on, systematically fishing out all candidates that had been living in Smallville pre- meteor shower, then cross referenced with his files if any medical oddities were mentioned. Paranoia could come in handy sometimes. Except it wasn't paranoia, merely keen observance and constant vigilance.
When he was finished with the list, he turned back to Chloe. “Five of the men on this list have lived in Smallville before '89, meaning there is a likely possibility they have been affected by the meteors in some way. 3 of these five have recorded oddities in their blood. You should have dug deeper.”
Taking out a red marker, he crossed the names on the list, leaving only 4 people, including Greg Tarsez. That should drop the risk to a minimum. It also had the positive side effect that the chance of rumor spreading and Chloe's reputation being completely ruined was lowered considerably.
It took all of her strength not to mimic Lex’s tone and words snottily. She watched as he had crossed the names off of her list. He seemed to take great pleasure in doing so. A little too much for her liking. She circled his desk and looked at the piece of paper that he held in his hand.
The list was absolutely decimated. There were only four names on the list. She shook her head at the men that were left. Her third choice was still on it, that was a good sign, but the other three men left each had other problems of which Lex wasn’t aware of.
Chewing on her lower lip, Chloe considered her options. Or, more accurately, her one option. Greg was the most attractive of the men left on the list and she actually got along with him somewhat. “You’re not leaving me with many choices, Lex,” she murmured as she looked at all of the names with an angry red line through them.
“Four people is more than enough. You're attractive and intelligent, if you take a less blunt approach I am sure one of them is going to be agreeable and you won't get yourself killed in the process,” he answered matter of factly.
For some reason he was still quite cross about the whole concept of Chloe hatching up a list of potential lovers and not even making sure they weren't meteor freaks. And all for the sake of getting laid. Why couldn't she just do it like a normal woman? Throw herself in a stunning out fit, put a little make up on, cross her legs, smile coyly and be done with it. And, much more importantly, leave him out of this entire mess.
“Four good people would be more than enough,” she agreed. “But three of these men were very far down on the list.” She turned the paper towards Lex and pointed at their names. She wanted to investigate why they were the bottom of the barrel.
Walking away from Lex’s desk, she grabbed her binder and sat down in one of the chair opposite of where Lex was sitting. She flipped it open and scanned for the first man’s name. There was conflicting information about his performance in bed, that’s why he was so far down.
‘You’ve got Greg, what else do you want?’ Chloe knew the answer to that. When she had seen who had topped the list, she was giddy. Her crush on Lex had always been there, she had just suppressed it.
Flipping to the next name she saw that he had a few sexccidents. Nothing that had ever sent his partner to the ER but Chloe was hoping for someone that would be smoother than that.
Looking at the third name Chloe knew what was wrong with him. She suspected that he might be gay but just not ready to admit that. She hadn’t included that piece of information in the data because it couldn’t be confirmed.
She shut the binder. “Ok, Greg it is,” she said to both herself and Lex.
He arched an eyebrow, not understanding her reluctant attitude all of a sudden. For someone who was so determined about their plan, she seemed to be little pleased about the outcome of it. That was his chance to abuse her of this silly notion.
“You don't sound too enthused,” he made his opening gambit.
Deciding that she couldn’t tell him the flat out truth she decided to start slow. “Well, the difference in points between Greg and my number one,” she fixed Lex with her eyes, “was quite vast.”
She opened the binder with the more descriptive data and said, “And in a few key areas.”
Lex's brow arched. He shouldn't ask. He really didn't want to know. This was not his problem. And he shouldn't ask. “What do you mean?” Damnit.
Ok, he could maybe listen to her elaborate scheme and then with a few well placed words turn the whole mess in his favor without having to endure any further advances from Chloe. Hopefully. Also, he would find out what exactly women thought of him. Still, if Victoria had spilled anything too intimate, he would have her killed.
If she started with the more seedy things, she was certain that Lex would give her the old heave ho from his office. Very politely but she would be thrown out nonetheless. So, she needed to start slowly with him.
It had gotten hotter in his study, or so she thought, so she took off her jacket. “I’m not trying to seduce you, I’m just hot, ok, so don’t freak out.” That said, she opened her binder and flipped to Lex’s and Greg’s pages, respectively.
“Generally, you’re much better at the whole seduction, slow burn thing than Greg is. I’m sure that it comes from experience and you are a few years older than he is so it only makes sense. I was just hoping to have the full sensory experience.” Chloe looked at their disparate ratings and knew that she must be pouting but she really couldn’t help it.
“And,” she said offhandedly, “you scored much higher than he did in the area of kissing, as well.”
tbc
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I love it already. Chloe is so playing Lex and he doesn't even know it. 
High five girls I know this will be a great story. 
Re: Sexual Statistics (R) Updated: March 03, 2009
I have to be honest though, Jonathan's name on the list was really scary!! Where did she get her information on him? Did she ask Martha?!! 
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