Here you go guys---a way to get rid of Helen, the legal and non-monitary way. Enjoy. : ) PMD.
Title: A Challenge From Blaire - "Another One Bites The Dust"
Author: PMD
e-mail: mary.davidson@sympatico.ca
Rating: PG-13 (for bad language)
Category: Friendship, Lex/Helen (plot purposes again), Chlex, Futurefic, Lex's POV, AU
Spoilers: None.
Summary: How do you get rid of Helen through legal and offering no money? Here's my answer.
Disclaimer: To whomever owns Smallville, the characters, Friends, the scene taken from Friends, and the title taken from the song Another One Bites the Dust and found within the story, I'm just borrowing, will give them back, not making any money with their use in the story, so don't sue me.
Archive: To TBT, SPP, BtS, N-S, Intrepid, Wwomb, Verbal Judo, Malu's site and my page on my friend Wendy's site. If anybody else wants it, all you have to do is ask.
Feedback: Yes I would love feedback.
Author Notes: First off, I apologize for anything out of character when it comes to Helen, Lex, or Chloe. And to any Helen lovers out there, I apologize too. It's my muse---she's finally had it with the character and let it rip---been holding it in for months, I tell you. :: sigh :: I dedicate this piece to Blaire who challenged me, saying, get rid of Helen, legally, and with no money paid out. Well, here it is. Chloe the tiger really lets it rip this time. And a special thank you to David for checking this puppy over.
"Another One Bites The Dust" - by PMD
"Lex?"
I look up and see Helen standing there. "Yes?"
"Come to bed."
"I can't yet. I've got some work to do and I've got to prepare myself for the interview with Chloe tomorrow."
I watch her walk in---trying to be seductive---wearing something that barely covers her attributes. Why isn't it working? Why is it more annoying than anything? Why do I feel like I made a huge mistake? How do I get out of this without paying her off? Or doing something illegal?
"Lex---I don't like the idea of you doing that interview with Chloe."
I look up at her, surprised. "Why?"
"Because she doesn't like me."
"What does that have to do with me doing an interview?"
"She'll try to tell you to leave me. Lex---I'm your girlfriend and I want you to tell her no to the interview and that you can't see her anymore."
"WHAT?" I state, as I get up. Okay, when did my life become a Friends episode?
"You heard me."
"I did---I just can't believe what I heard. The answer is no."
She turns around and walks towards the door. "Okay---but until you agree to my demands, or at least the last part---you won't be getting any, Buster."
She walks out the door and I let out a sigh. Thank goodness---I was getting tired of faking it with her---outside of the bed mostly but then---. I grin at that thought---well, I guess another one bites the dust---sad but true. Maybe the reason I did invite her into my lair was to make sure she wasn't a plant by my dad. Unfortunately, as soon as I found out no, I couldn't get rid of her. Maybe Chloe will have a better chance. I'll just leave those two alone tomorrow and see what happens.
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The Next Day
I watch Chloe walk into my office and silently walk in myself, hiding behind a piece of furniture. Helen's already in the room and she smirks at Chloe.
"Hello, my dear." What a condescending----
"Hello, Dr. Dull." That's my girl---don't take anything from anybody.
"Dr. Dull? That's so funny I almost forgot to laugh."
She smirks at her and I almost choke with laughter as she replies with, "I try---now where's Lex?"
"He's not coming!"
"What? But he promised!"
"Oh, he did but I convinced him not to do the interview. So, you can leave---and never come back!"
"What? Why, you bitch!"
"Excuse me---such language from a supposed lady."
"Oh, you haven't heard language yet, Sister. You can't keep me away from him. He's my friend and I won't let you do this to him or me."
"It's already been done. I told him I wouldn’t have anything to do with him until he got rid of you."
"And I suppose he went along with this, like a good little puppy dog?"
Like hell I did, I think, fuming. She knows me better than that---unless---is that a sarcastic tone I hear from her?
"As a matter of fact, yes he did."
Liar!
I hear an ironic laugh from Chloe. "Oh, Dr. Delusional---you are so in your own fairy tale world. You actually believe that Lex would say goodbye to one of his friends when he needs all of them---to deal with you. Please---that will never happen."
"Take that back!"
"You take back the fact that you don't want me and Lex to be friends anymore and I'll take it back."
I watch Helen walk up to her. She’s about to slap her, when I finally speak up.
"Helen, stop this at once!"
She pulls back and they both stare at me. "She started it!" she says.
"Oh that's mature! Lex, I'm---"
"Chloe, it's okay. Could you leave us for a minute, please?"
She nods and walks out the door, giving her one last glare.
I walk over to Helen and sigh. "Helen, I never said I would stop being friends with Chloe."
"Yes, but I knew you would eventually see it my way."
"That's not going to happen. In fact, as of now, I want you out of my house and life, not her."
"Why?"
"Because you tried to hurt my friend, you lied to my friend, and most importantly---I'm tired of faking it as a boyfriend anymore. Helen, I'm sorry but I just don't love you anymore."
"Yes you do!"
"No I don't!"
"Lex---can I use the phone in the kitchen?"
I look to see Chloe standing there. Then, it happens.
"You did this. You worked your youthful magic on him and---Uuuuugh!" I watch as she runs towards Chloe, nails ready to scratch her eyes out.
"Helen, stop that!" I state. The anger in my words stops her in her tracks and she looks at me.
"You really don't love me anymore, do you?"
I shake my head no. I can't say anything else---I know how it feels to be told *I don't love you anymore* from others. It's not any easier on the other side.
I feel bad when I watch her walk out of the room. But that feeling changes when she turns around and states, "Lex, I hope she breaks your heart. And I hope you rot in hell when you die...both of you."
As she walks out the door, I'm shocked. It's okay to say that about me but Chloe, how dare she!
"Lex, I'm sorry," Chloe apologizes, as she walks towards me.
"No, I'm sorry you had to hear that from her. I'm sorry it went on so long. How are you doing?" I ask, worried about her.
"Okay---but I could use a hug."
"Allow me," I state, as open my arms and she walks in. Her hair smells of vanilla and cinnamon. I take in a long whiff of it and back away, calm, cool and collected. That is until I look into her eyes. She's scared.
"I'm not going to Hell am I for saying what I said?"
"No, it's just Helen's hurt talking. Me---however---"
She places a hand on my shoulder. "I'll make sure that God knows your coming so there will be a place at the table for you too, Lex."
I smile at her. "That's the nicest thing anybody has said to me, Chloe. Thank you."
She leans up and gives me a soft kiss on the lips.
I'm stunned for a minute and before I can kiss her back, she backs away and smiles timidly at me.
I smile a wide one and she returns it. Then I lean down and kiss her---deepening it. We have to back away to breathe.
"Chloe?"
"Lex?"
"Did you feel anything?"
"You mean the earth moving or something---yes. How about you?"
I nod my head. "Does this mean what I think it means?"
She leans up again and whispers into my ear, "I love you, Lex."
Yep, it means what I think it means. As I pull her in for another kiss I know one thing for certain---this one will never bite the dust---because somewhere down the line, my friendship with Chloe has created a foundation for the next level of our relationship---love.
The End.
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Glad you enjoyed the piece and really it was a train wreck about to happen. 
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