Part 4 Wherever I’m Going
Lex cursed under his breath. She had been here in this room. His men were never wrong about surveillance. This was Lois’ apartment. He could see her all around him, hanging in picture frames on the walls. Vanity was most definitely Lois’ greatest sin. All around him she smiled down as if there was no one else more important in the world.
He strode across the pitifully small living room and made his way towards a closed door. He was certain it was empty. She could always call on that caped hero and he would come flying in within seconds to rescue her, even if it was from the man that Lois had sinned against. It curdled his guts to know that Superman could be this devoted still the woman who killed his best friend.
The bedroom door swung open and Lex stopped still in his tracks. It was a preview into the bitch’s soul, really, to see her guilt displayed so prominently in her most private room. Lex walked slowly towards the dresser, called by the image like a small pin to a magnet.
You were perfection, my only obsession
And good to me, good to me
Chloe looked at him from the photograph with such sad eyes. He recognized the setting. It was at a party that he hosted for LexCorp. He stood beside her on the photograph with the smirk she often told him was overtly self-assured. He corrected her diction, and informed her that he was merely confident when she thought it was arrogance. Still he was drawn to her expression.
My only addiction, you were such a vision
Of grace and love, grace and love
They had been happy then. He knew it with such certainty that he was thrown by the way her eyes haunted him in this picture. Chloe had been happy then. They were building a family. He had no time to analyze the look. Why should he question a truth he knew just because Lois Lane had a photograph that seemed to paint their life together in a way he did not recognize?
So I fell into your life
No I won’t forget you
With a disgusted snort, Lex placed the picture frame facedown on the dresser. He would not allow Lois to manipulate him even without being present. She had no right to make him question his life with Chloe with a misplaced, carefully selected photograph. He opened the first drawer and rummaged through the brushes and products that littered the inside.
I don’t know what I’m running from
I don’t know what I’m running to
But wherever I’m going
I go there with you
“Useless,” he muttered.
There had to be a clue somewhere that could tell him of any refuge she was going to run to. Lex took the entire drawer out and dumped the contents onto the bed. He sifted through all of the trinkets and found a small wooden box.
“Like a little coffin,” he whispered.
“Like the one you didn’t get to see her in, right?”
The words chilled him much more than the audacity of the person who could say the words to him. Lex straightened and glared at Clark Kent.
“Are you paying Lois Lane house visits now?” Lex asked coldly.
“Maybe I’m also here to demand answers,” Clark told him. “But you don’t see me rummaging through her personal effects.”
“Only because I beat you to it,” Lex parried. “Tell me truth, Clark. You were going to do exactly the same thing. You’ve never had too many reservations about other people’s privacy, Clark, but when it came to yours you usually bit Chloe’s head off for doing what she did best.”
Clark paused and swallowed the lump in his throat before answering, “Glad to see you’ve started to talk to her in the past tense. Welcome back to reality.”
Lex snarled, then returned to his search, prying open the small box.
“Admit it. You’re in a rampage because you never got the chance to end it the way you wanted to.”
“What the hell are you talking about, Clark?”
“You would have ended it with her,” Clark threw, walking over to him. “Lois just beat you to the closure. You wanted to have the option. You wanted to make the decisions, the way you did those last months. You paid Lois to go after her because you couldn’t just let her end it on her own terms.” Clark took the box from Lex’s hands and popped it open easily, then tossed it back to him. “You killed her.”
“I was here!” Lex said softly.
“You sent an amateur journalist after Chloe in a war zone!” Clark accused. “You gave orders to Lois Lane, who knew squat about investigative reporting, into a highly conflicted area to talk to your fiancé about your personal problems. You had Lois Lane argue the good intentions of your lies while Chloe was out there dodging hits!” he finished with a yell.
I don’t know what I’m running from
Don’t know what I’m running to
But wherever I’m going
“I was doing what I could to save my family life!” Lex yelled back. “Don’t you think I would have gone there if I thought she’d only listen?”
“You didn’t,” Clark continued, the wind taken out of his sail.
“You don’t think I’ve stayed up most nights wondering what if I came instead, wishing I’d been there with her when that bomb exploded, praying I’d gone with her?” he finished in a whisper.
I go there with you
Clark watched Lex’s every stiff movement and for that short moment, he wondered why it was exactly that they grew apart.
There’s so many questions
I can’t keep on guessing why, guessing why
The contents of the box spilled into Lex’s palm. At the sight of the small pieces of jewelry, Clark watched the reaction on the bald man’s face.
Lex’s face had always been difficult to read, but his expression then was so stark it was impossible not to know.
And I’m wondering why I’m suffering
And I don’t know what to do
I’d give it all, all away
Just to be with you
“What is this?” he whispered, looking up into Clark’s eyes.
He was not asking, really, Clark knew. The ring was unmistakable, because Clark had glared often enough at it since he had first seen Chloe sporting the ridiculously large diamond. Still, he answered, for the sake of uncovering what he would not get out of Lois, “Chloe’s engagement ring.”
Lex stiffly sat on the edge of Lois’ bed. “She didn’t,” Lex choked out.
“Maybe she was going to give it back to you,” Clark offered.
Lex’s hand closed over the ring and closed his eyes. He gripped the ring until the blunt edges of the diamond almost carved a niche in his bones.
So I fell into your life
No I won’t forget you
I don’t know what I’m running from
I don’t know what I’m running to
When he opened his eyes, Clark was gone, as silently as he came. Lex registered that he should probably leave. Instead, he reached for the contents of the drawer and dumped them back inside ceremoniously. He placed the small box inside, then walked over to the dresser and slid the dresser in. Slowly, he settled down on the chair in front of the dresser and reached for the picture frame that he had placed down.
Carefully, he moved the bolster back in place and displayed the photograph, staring at it for the longest moment.
His unhappy Chloe.
Everywhere that I go without you
Your picture stares from the wall, I feel you
A grain of sand in my hand falls to earth
The serenade of my days spent alone
He hoped to God that Lois pried the ring off of his fiance’s lifeless hand. If Chloe had handed the ring back to her cousin with a message of goodbye, then Lex wondered what kind of darkness was even crueler than where he was then, and knew that with that bitter knowledge he would find out firsthand.
I don’t know what I’m running from
Don’t know what I’m running to
But wherever I’m going
I go there with you
Her eyes haunted him, as she looked at the camera, on the day he had believed she content.
Her eyes said so much more, and she could even hurt him from her grave.
I’m lost without you
Clark slammed the door shut behind him, so loudly that she jumped up from the bed in surprise.
“Clark?”
“Yes,” he gritted out.
“What are you doing here? How did you know I was here?” she asked, playing the part so perfectly.
“You told Superman you were in danger.”
“I did,” she admitted.
“So danger was Lex Luthor in your apartment demanding answers he deserved to know?”
She turned away. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Sooner or later, you would have to learn that you can’t hide the truth, Lois.”
She moistened her lips and turned those green eyes at Clark. His heart clenched at the sight. When she looked into her eyes, she was so much Chloe that he hurt inside.
“Look away, Lois,” he rasped.
“I won’t.”
“Look away,” he warned again.
“You can’t hurt me while I’m looking, Clark.”
“Do you think I could ever hurt you?” he whispered.
“Won’t you?” she demanded. “You hate me for what happened, don’t you?”
“I do,” he admitted. “I hate you for your stupidity, for killing someone I loved.”
She nodded.
“I’d never raise my hand against you,” he vowed. “As much as I’d never stop hating you, I’d never physically assault you, you can be sure of that.”
She sucked in her breath. “I’m leaving.” She stood up from the bed and stiffly made her way towards the door. “Facing Lex’s questions would probably be easier than sitting here taking all this crap from you.”
“I won’t be too sure.”
She placed her hand on the knob and turned. With the door open behind her, she walked over to Clark. He held his breath and she stood there so close, within reach. He met those eyes moist with unshed tears.
Why’d you have to be here for just one day
I miss you, I miss you
Of their own volition, his hands reached up to frame her face. They were Chloe’s eyes. No matter what he told himself, there was a starving part of him that convinced him he could lose himself in something he had thought was lost.
He bent down to place his lips on hers, just briefly, so softly. Clark lost himself for that one moment to remember what it was like.
After a few seconds, he pulled away with a look of disgust, his lips still tingling with a hauntingly familiar and tender sensation.
“You killed her,” he repeated to himself. “Do you understand what you’ve done?”
And I’m looking for answers why you went away
It shattered my world but together we’ll stay
She shook her head. “You told her you were still in love with her,” she whispered. “The day she ran to you, to tell you about her problems, to ask you for advice because her life was falling apart… You were in love with her,” she said in an accusing tone. “And you blame it all on me for going after her and on Lex for driving her away.”
She then turned away and fled. Clark closed the door behind her.
I miss you, I miss you.
tbc
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