“The only road I’ve ever been down”
by A-u-r-o-r-a
Rating – R
Disclaimer – I’m an old man my eyes are dim my knees are old and bent my ears are grizzled my nose is knackered…I own nothing to do with Smallville
Notes – Get out the Kleenex…but its only for a little while! I’m a sucker for happy endings ^_^
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Laying his palm softly on the Perspex window, time seemed to pass behind him. His Caring eyes, little proud smile. Long gentle gaze.
A tiny bundle of life was asleep in a wrap of hospital blankets. Gently Lex unclicked the door and stepped inside, the smell of exhaustion was still fresh in this room, and the scent lingered in the air.
A few steps closer and he gazed down at his daughter with disbelief. She opened her tiny eyes and looked directly at him, and all of a suddenly Lex didn’t know what to do
A small lump formed in his throat. He needed help. How could he possibly do this alone?
Lex squinted his eyes down at her as he wondered what to do. The tiny creature wriggled suddenly and brushed her minute hands on Lex’s monster fingers that hung over the edge of the cradle.
A harsh breath escaped him. She was tiny. Either that or He was a gigantic deamon of a father.
A magic passed from his proud eyes down onto her as he extended his huge index finger to her tiny palm. She grasped it
The lump in his throat became painful and Lex swallowed hard, giving a soft silent laugh. She had a tough little grip on her, this one.
‘To be this happy and this devastated at the same time must be euphoria’ he thought. His soul pounded against his chest and he longed to be held by someone. He wanted comfort, he longed for someone else to see this little miracle he had made.
She was his. He made that little wriggling pink prawn tumbled in white downy cloth.
With the boldness of a Luther, she brought the monster finger to her toothless gums and dribbled all over his fingertip. Lex’s smile broadened until he heard the soft breaths of his laughter echo in the hospital.
‘I cant stand this’ he thought to himself ‘I cant do this alone’
A misery like no other crept over him, and threatened to take away the joy of his newborn child had the nurse come at that moment.
Lex gave a long stubborn blink and turned to greet her. Pretty African American, short hair, typical staff uniform. She walked boldly up to the little child and spoke with kindness to Lex
“Do you want to hold her?”
Lex’s eyes widened, his voice was tight when he spoke
“I…I…don’t know how” he gasped, glancing at the eager face of his daughter. She was wide awake now and wriggling for him to pick her up. Challenging him. Lex frowned
“I cant” He said, alarmed at the monotone that was his voice
“Oh come now, she wants you to, see? Come here precious, Daddy wants to say hello”
The nurse picked the baby up and carried her over to Lex, who backed towards the door, for the first time of his life he was frightened by something smaller than he was, Infact he was terrified
“I cant do it” Whisper of a voice. The lump began to swell once more. The nurse’s eyes locked to his. She understood
“She needs you now” The sister said gently “Take her”
Lex studied the bundle of his child that rested silently against her shoulder. Pulling himself together he extended his hands for her and swallowed hard. The sister corrected the way he held her until she was looking up at him, her tiny head resting in the crook of his elbow
He forgot all the misery then, and just held his daughter in his arms. He couldn’t help but smile. That little Luther was his own creation, and it was the greatest thing he had ever made in his life
“There you see?” The grinning sister leaned over and rested a warm hand on Lex’s shoulder. He gasped a silent laugh and sniffed embarrassed as his eyes became hot and his vision fuzzy
“She looks like you”
“Like me? No way…” Lex smiled broadly at the nurse “She has Chloe’s eyes” that word, that name struck him hard when he actually said it.
“She has your hair” The nurse said with a polite laugh. Lex frowned in mock anger and laughed a little himself, she was wrong anyway. Lex could see a fuzzy covering of downy hair on her little scalp
“I’ll get you a bottle” She vanished. And the room was still once more, the tiny noises of her breath lingered in the air. Lex discovered he was trembling at he held her. Sitting down on the bedside he let a tear drop from his persistent eyes. It fell onto his daughters forehead and rolled away
The stillness became silence. The air became a little cold. The nylon curtains brushed as if in a breeze. Lex didn’t even have to look up. He felt his heart swell inside his chest.
“I’d say she has your eyes” Was Chloe’s voice real or inside his head, he couldn’t bear to see her. Her spirit chilled the room and Lex shivered as the hairs stood on the back of his neck. Little pimples formed all over his body
He looked up and the sight struck him hard
Her spirit stood solid as any human could be. The only indication that she wasn’t really there was the lingering of another place that throbbed around her. It was as if she had just arrived from wherever spirits vanish to, and she had brought back a little of the dimension with her
Lex felt his lips part, he felt his eyes grow huge and misty in his head as he beheld the spirit. When he breathed in he could even feel the sharp coldness of the air fill his lungs.
Chloe was watching Lex hold her daughter. She smiled at him
“You left me”
Was that really his voice? Or just a choked whisper? Was that sentence even audiable?
“No” Slow shaking of her head, each strand of her hair waved in front of her face. She gave him an odd pitiful smile. If only he could understand
“I’ll never leave you. But I had to go”
Her voice was like an orchestra of violins in his head. He couldn’t bear it. As he gazed at her in awe another teardrop slithered down his cheek. His eyes were throbbing.
Looking down he saw his daughter gurgling and wriggling as if nothing had changed at all
“She can’t see me. I came to you, I saw no reason to frighten her”
Chloe moved slowly and with more grace than any earthly form ever could before her child. She looked down at her daughter. Lex couldn’t take his eyes off her. The hairs on the back of his neck were positively upright.
Her spirit hovered for a while and then she placed herself on the corner of the bed, she was so close to Lex, he wondered what would happen if he touched her
“Why did you leave me?” Lex whispered out, he gave a little shake of his head, the lump in his throat was choking his voice into a tight strain
“I cant do this without you Chloe…”
Chloe’s spirit blinked at him and she smiled warmly. Lex closed his eyes, enveloped by the familiarity of her voice
“Of course you can. You have to. She needs you Lex”
He looked down at his daughter again, who, even thought Chloe thought she couldn’t see her, was looking right at the spot where her mother was sitting, she wasn’t moving, and her eyes were studying the spot carefully
“I need you…” He responded, annoyed that he sounded selfish, but this pain was too much. To have her back again knowing that she would leave once more was too harsh on him.
“I’ll be watching from… well, we aren’t really allowed to talk about it” She smirked a beautiful grin, Lex’s eyes controlled themselves, and the tears stopped for a moment
“Do you get the whole wings and halo deal?” He asked. Little smile, little gurgle from his daughter
“Its hard to explain, but I’ll get my ass kicked if I try” Chloe’s spirit replied. Lex laughed
“By who?”
“Who do you think?” She said in a little jest. Lex wasn’t sure what she meant. God? He didn’t want to think about it, and he wasn’t ready to become religious just now.
He couldn’t stop wondering about what she was made of
“Can I touch you?” He asked timidly, she laughed softly at him
“You can try” A little sadness in her voice. Lex did try, his fingers cautiously trembling towards her arm. He found that they penetrated her as if she was a hazy fog of light. But she wasn’t hurt, she didn’t change, it was as if she were a projection. A beam of light
Lex was overcome with misery. He could feel the coldness going from the room. The hairs on the back of his neck were relaxing. Chloe’s form was becoming fuzzy and almost transparent, Lex went into a panic
“Please don’t go…please” He pleaded. She was fading from sight, but as she faded she moved to stand above him, and Lex looked up into her eyes for the last time
“I love you” She hushed at him, Lex was shaking his head in denial, he echoed her response over and over again
“I’ll be watching” She whispered. Lex felt a warmth on his lips as she kissed him farewell but there was no material contact. He shivered at being so close to her spirit, their daughter stopped wriggling, and Lex was sure she felt it too
When he opened his eyes he was alone. And the chill had vanished, so had Chloe.
Looking about him his breaths became gasps, which then became cries, until he let everything go as tears fell silently, rocking his daughter against him. She was fine, and listened contently to the sound of her father’s heartbeat against her ear
Never in his life had Lex cried like this, but he cried now for all the tears he owed to Chloe’s death, he hoped that they would be replaced when he died.
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