Title: Savior
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Characters - not mine. Song - not mine. Etc.
Author's note: I was listening to the radio the other day as I was driving and "Save Yourself" by Stabbing Westward came on, and this happened. It was supposed to be shorter, but hey, what can you do?
***********************************************
I know your life is empty
And you hate to face this world alone
So you're searching for an angel
Someone who can make you whole
He stared at the tiny, nearly imperceptible scuff on his shoe. In the dim light cast by the setting sun, he could barely see it, but he knew it was there. He’d noticed it hours earlier, but was taking a sort of ridiculous pride in the fact that he’d left it. He was growing, maturing... changing. He wasn’t sure he liked where age was taking him, or who he was turning out to be. So he held tightly to little things, insignificant things, searching in them for a sign that he was somehow controlling his destiny, somehow maintaining a say in who he was to become. He desperately needed to know that he was not a product of his genes.
Thus, her question hung unanswered in the air as he tried to think of something, anything else to talk about. He’d spoken his feelings about her aloud before, and it always soundly ridiculous afterwards, like unexpected flatulence at high volume. In the deepening shadows, he felt as though he were well hidden from the stark reality of the inevitable result of this conversation. Or perhaps not this , but one just like it tomorrow, or next week, or next month. She too was growing and changing; sooner rather than later, she would grasp the truth. For now, though, he thought he could avoid it.
But his hesitation went on too long.
“Lex?”
He jerked slightly, then shook himself before looking up at her.
“Yes?”
“Are you going to answer me?”
He smiled and cocked his head.
“I’m sorry, what was the question?”
She didn’t smile back.
“What do you see in me that makes you behave as though I belong on a pedestal?”
He closed his eyes briefly, then forced himself to look her in the eye.
“You remind me how to be good.”
I cannot save you
I can't even save myself
So just save yourself
“Bullshit, Lex. I’m just as flawed as everyone else. I’ve been chosen as this... paragon of goodness. It’s like people can’t separate me from the fairy princess.” Warming to her speech, she rose and paced before him. “You know what? I didn’t used to see the distinction either. But I do now, and I’m sick of being treated like I’m wonderful when I’m not. Nobody can live up to that!”
He blinked in surprise.
“Of course you’re not perfect, but you’re--”
“No, I’m not. Whatever you’re going to say, I’m not.” She briefly stopped her pacing to turn on a lamp. Light flooded the room, and Lex winced.
“I see,” he said. He rose on legs that seemed unsteady and moved toward the door.
Lana sighed.
“I’m sorry, Lex. I do value your friendship. But I want you to genuinely value mine in return, not just your perception of it.”
He nodded and slipped out the door, leaving her mid-sentence. At the bottom of the stairs, he stopped at an empty table and picked up a napkin. Feeling like a fool, he quickly swiped at the scuff on his shoe and discovered it was merely some clinging dust: unsightly, but easily removed.
I know that you've been damaged
Your soul has suffered such abuse
But I am not your savior
I am just as fucked as you
She was certain the feeling entrenched in her belly was not nostalgia. Déjà vu, perhaps, but not in a good way. Over the past year, she’d managed to forget that this office had once been a haven for her; she’d trusted the man who inhabited it implicitly then, but now she hardly remembered what it was like to know him.
Last spring, she never would have dreamed that she would become estranged from him so quickly. They’d shared a bond that had seemed ironclad to her, and she’d imagined them a team for the long term. Oddly, Clark had begun to seem less the almighty hero in her eyes; his miracles certainly didn’t seem to be the kind that could save her from the clutches of Lionel Luthor.
But now she realized that was guilt. She didn’t want Clark to help her, because she couldn’t allow him to rescue her from her own betrayal. The hypocrisy was more than she could live with. Lex, on the other hand, she owed nothing, and could therefore barter with on even ground. They had shared their fear of Lionel and their determination to bring him down; beyond that, they understood each other at the level of abandoned children, never quite sure of their worth in the eyes of the world at large.
Or so she thought. Lex hadn’t offered her more than perfunctory conversation since the day they’d both left the Grand Jury hearing to walk into their separate horrors. He didn’t seem angry. He just didn’t seem to care. Clark had once again become her idol, and she’d relaxed into the familiar comfort of worshiping quietly while basking in his friendship and his protection.
“Miss Sullivan, what can I help you with?”
She hadn’t heard him come in, and as a result jumped visibly at the sound of his voice.
“Jesus, Lex, you scared me!”
“Were you not expecting me to come into my own office? I would have assumed you were here to see me.” He moved to his desk and sat down; the look he gave her made it obvious that her presence was an inconvenience.
That was fine with her. She didn’t need small talk with this man who no longer acknowledged their past. Ignoring his sarcastic question, she got right to the point.
“Your father was in my apartment when I got home today. He was waiting for me.” Her hands fluttered in her lap briefly before falling still. She didn’t know what reaction she was expecting from him, but the unconcerned look of disinterest wasn’t it.
“Do you want me to reprimand him for not making an appointment?”
Chloe’s mouth opened and closed several times before resigning itself to stunned silence.
“No? Then what?”
“I... Lex, he was...” She stopped to take a deep, composing breath before she continued. “He made some veiled threats against my father. Before he left, he said we’d both spent last summer imprisoned, but now he was out, and...” She shuddered to a stop, hoping Lex would infer the rest.
“And what?” he asked instead, tapping impatiently on the cover of his laptop.
“He implied that I would soon be permanently out. He wants me dead, Lex.”
“For a reporter, you’re not very good at coming up with newsworthy information, Miss Sullivan. You’ve known that for some time now.”
“Well, yes, but--”
“What I don’t know is how, exactly, you feel this involves me.”
“Well, because...” It was hard to say the words. They sounded childish and silly, but she didn’t know of a sophisticated way to phrase it. She hadn’t expected to have to say anything: she’d assumed he’d understand. So in the smallest voice she possessed, she simply said it. “I need help. You promised you’d protect me.”
Something about the false smile on his face when he shook his head made her want to dive across the table and claw his skin. She shifted her hands under her legs in the hopes that sitting on them would quell the urge.
I cannot save you
I can't even save myself
So just save yourself
“Miss Sullivan,” he said, rising from his chair, “I’m afraid you weren’t quite clear on our deal. I promised to protect you until the trial. Nothing less... and certainly nothing more. Now, if you’ll excuse me--”
“You asshole!” She stood to face him. “He’s after me because I helped you with the trial, and now--”
For the first time, Lex allowed his facade to break as he took several long strides into her space to interrupt her.
“He’s after you because you naively and foolishly made a deal with him that you couldn’t get out of. The help you provided me was nothing more than a way out for you, so do not insult me by attempting to convince me otherwise.”
“You said you’d help me!” She was yelling now. “You didn’t tell me it was only so long as it was convenient to you!”
“What did you expect, Chloe, that I was offering no-strings protection for nothing in return? That I was going to be your friend? You obviously learned nothing from the mistake you made with my father.”
“So you’re saying you’re just as bad as him?”
“I’m saying I have my own problems and I don’t have time or resources to waste on young women who have expended their usefulness to me!”
Chloe backed slowly toward the door, hatred etched in her features. When she reached the hall, she stopped.
“You know what, Lex? If you were my kid? I wouldn’t love you either.”
The muscles in his jaw flexed as his anger fairly radiated from him, but his reply was immediate.
“It’s hardly any wonder your mother went crazy.”
The door slammed, and he was left with nothing but the echo as it bounced around the room.
Please don't take pity on me
She left her apartment shortly after Lex’s abrupt and somewhat disturbing departure. When she returned, she made her way across the crowded coffeehouse to the counter.
“Mrs. Kent!”
“Hi Lana, how are you this afternoon? Do you want some coffee?”
“No thanks, I just wanted to tell you I found a job.”
Martha stopped wiping the counter to lay her hand on Lana’s.
“That’s great, honey, where at?”
Lana steeled her self and pasted on a bright smile.
“At the Eat-n-Sleep out by the highway. The other waitresses say the tips are great!”
Martha moved around the counter and sat down beside her. The incoming motherly lecture was written all over her face.
“Lana, if you wanted some extra money while you’re in school, you know you could have worked a few shifts here. Truck stops aren’t very safe for young girls.”
“Actually, I’m looking for something to pay rent and utilities. I want to move out on my own. I have enough to pay for school for now with the money I have left from selling my half of this place, plus I got control of my trust fund on my birthday.”
“Why would you want to move—“ Martha’s brow furrowed. “Sweetie, did Lex do something?”
“No, not exactly... honestly, I’m just not that comfortable around him anymore. Besides, I’m an adult now, and I need to start taking care of myself. I’ve been depending on other people’s charity my whole life.”
“Lana, you know no one thinks of it as charity. I don’t want you working at that place. You can stay with us.” Martha started to rise. “I’ll call Clark and have him clear out my sewing room, you can go ahead and move in—“
“Mrs. Kent, I wasn’t asking for your help. Thank you anyway.”
Martha watched her all the way up the stairs, wondering what on earth she’d done wrong.
Please don't take pity on me
“I can’t believe he blew you off like that.”
“I can. He’s more and more like his father everyday. For all I know, they’re in this together.”
The line was silent for a moment as Clark contemplated that idea.
“I don’t know that they’re ever really together. But it might suit Lex to let his father do what he wants right now.”
“Instead of calling attention to himself, you mean?”
“Something like that. What are you going to do now?”
“I don’t know. Going to Lex was my first instinct, but it was also my last choice, you know?”
“Yeah. Listen, why don’t you stay with us for a while? You can bunk with Lois, she doesn’t seem to be leaving anytime soon.”
“My dad doesn’t have anywhere else to go. Besides, do you really want to call attention back to your family?”
“Well, no, but I want you to be safe, too. Maybe I could talk to Lex.”
Her laugh was short.
“Yeah, I’m sure that would help.”
“What do you want me to say, Chloe?” The frustration was evident in his voice. “I don’t know what I can do.”
Inexplicably, Chloe felt as though he’d slapped her. The hero was supposed to have all the answers, not a half-hearted attempt to pacify her. Fighting tears, she took a deep breath and calmly absolved him of his duty.
“I wasn’t asking for your help, Clark. I can take care of myself.”
The line went dead.
Please don't take pity on me
“Sounds like you have everything under control, Martha. Call me if you need anything.” He moved toward the office door, ready to leave.
“Lex, there is one other thing. Lana’s planning to move out. She got a job at that seedy truck stop out by the highway.”
He was proud that he didn’t flinch, and congratulated himself on realizing that the young woman was merely a representation for him, nothing that really mattered. The fact that she was moving on was really for the best.
“Fine. When she’s out, have cleaners come in and run an ad. Make sure you get a form for a county records check.”
Martha was surprised at his nonchalance.
“Lex, did something happen between you and Lana?”
He glanced back at her disdainfully.
“We were business partners, not best friends forever. I assumed her living situation was temporary.”
“I think you were more than business partners, it was obvious you were friends as well. I know you’re not in a position to make friends easily here, so I just thought it might help if you could talk it out...”
“Except I wasn’t asking for your help. It’s really not your concern.” With that, he left.
Inexplicably rebuffed for the second time, Martha slumped in her chair. It really wasn’t a good day.
Please don't take pity on me
“So Lex won’t save her, and you can’t save her, and I don’t even know where to begin to try to save her. That’s just great Smallville, what the hell do we do now?”
“What do you think I’ve been trying to figure out? She won’t talk to me about it, and she won’t stay out here.” Her pacing was more irritating with every trip, and he had clench his teeth to keep from shoving her into a chair.
“You know, it’s funny, I came here to investigate her murder. I never dreamed I’d be facing doing it a second time.”
“Maybe if you’d left when it was over, you wouldn’t have to worry about it at all. No one is going to murder Chloe.”
“They might if we don’t do something. Can’t you talk to Lex?”
“I sincerely doubt Lex wants to hear from me.” He tried to blow it off, but the hurt laced his words with loss. Lois stopped pacing to regard him carefully.
“You know, I don’t stop to think about you too often, Clark. But you’ve really lost a lot of people lately, haven’t you?”
His head snapped up and his eyes narrowed.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I don’t mean you personally lost them, calm down. I just meant that people you really cared about are lost to you for whatever reason. Pete, Chloe for a while, Alicia, now Lex...”
“And?”
“And nothing. It’s just an observation. You seem to think you have to protect everyone, and it must be hard when you can’t.” When he only stared at her in silence, she went on. “I just thought it might help to know a lot of us are looking out for each other. You don’t have to be the lonely hero.”
Clark stood up and grabbed his jacket.
“I thought you might actually have a good idea for once, Lois. I wasn’t asking for your help, or your psychoanalysis.”
A few moments later, she heard the pickup rumble to life and drive off into the night.
My life has been a nightmare
My soul is fractured to the bone
And if I must be lonely
I think I'd rather be alone
The doors to the office banged open. Lex looked up, expecting to see Lionel. Instead, he found Clark Kent striding toward him. He sighed and stood.
“I’m a busy man and I’ve already had several distractions today, Clark. What do you want.”
“Yeah, I heard you’d had a big day. You ran Lana off and left Chloe to deal with your father alone. It must take a lot of time and energy to terrorize two young girls.”
“Not nearly as much as being a self-righteous busybody, I’m sure. They’re both adults now. They both made their own beds. Was there anything else?” His voice was cool.
“They used to be your friends, Lex.”
“So did you, Clark.”
“Then why are you shutting us all out?”
“Because you all turned out to be more trouble than you were worth. It’s of no value to me to surround myself with people who only remain my friend for their own benefit.”
Clark cocked his head.
“What?”
“Take yourself for example. When was the last time you came to me with the intention of doing something other than asking for help or lecturing me?”
There was no reply. Clark could think of several times he’d come for other reasons, but he couldn’t reveal any of them to Lex. He tried a slight change of subject.
“Lex, I know having your father back has got to be hard on you. But you can’t hide from everyone. Maybe there’s another way to get rid of him that---”
You cannot save me
You can't even save yourself
“Just stop, Clark. Don’t try to pin all my troubles on my father. He has nothing to do with my relationship with any of you, Miss Sullivan included.”
The two men were staring at each other in charged silence when a low grating sound distracted them. The door to Lex’s wall safe swung open and Lionel stepped out. Behind him were two rather large men, one of whom was clutching a rather small woman.
“As you can see, Lex, your relationship with Miss Sullivan and myself is somewhat more important than you realized. I’m disappointed you didn’t take more heed of her warning.” He cocked his head, obviously amused, as a solid thud marked Clark’s collapse. “Pity about that allergy, Mr. Kent. Most inconvenient.”
The second man moved toward Lex.
I cannot save you
I can't even save myself
The small room in the basement of the mansion was solid concrete. It was added as a safeguard against the volatile weather of spring in Kansas, but was unfortunately too far out of the way to be of any use in the sudden arrival of a storm, a tornado, or the occasional meteor shower.
But it was handy for a quick disposal. The vents that had been installed to pump oxygen in the room in case of an emergency could also be used to pump other, less benevolent gases into the sealed space. Lex was only too aware of that fact as he lay bound on the floor of the room, listening helplessly as the sounds of the pumps being adjusted echoed through the metal vents.
Chloe’s prone form was barely within his field of vision. She was unconscious, and a lazy red stream trickled across her forehead. She’d fought her captor admirably when they’d reached the small room... and been rewarded with a blow that left binding her unnecessary. Lex wasn’t even certain she was still alive.
But he was certain he could have prevented all of this. Once again, he’d taken steps to get himself firmly in hand, and gone completely the wrong way. He’d known better – he’d known he could have trusted her, and that he should have honored his promise to her. He’d never had any of intention of simply using her. She had been his friend... just like Clark, and just like Lana.
Now they were all at the mercy of his father. And it was his fault.
Lionel reappeared in the doorway.
“Son, I hope you understand that I hate this more than you do. I really had hoped that we could one day get past all of this...” He waved his hand, a gesture Lex was certain encompassed the people of Smallville, their dysfunctional past, those who had tried to see justice served, and everything else that Lionel blamed for their family’s demise. “...these things. But you’ve turned out to be more trouble than you're worth, Son.” Hearing his own words echoed back to him, Lex flinched. Wrong way, indeed.
Lionel looked as though he might speak further, but in the end, he merely nodded and stepped back to slide the door closed. The emergency lights automatically came on, and the small room was bathed in an eerie fluorescent glow. The silence pressed in on Lex’s eardrums, and he frantically began to struggle against the ropes that bound him. He could feel the concrete ripping into his shoes as he tried to kick them off, hoping his bare feet would slide out more readily. The door, for safety reasons, did not have a lock on it, and it would open easily if he could only get to the release. The pumps were designed to come on exactly two minutes after the door was closed.
So just save yourself
He wasn’t looking at Chloe, so it startled him when she shoved him onto his stomach. She pulled a small pocketknife from somewhere inside her shirt and deftly slit the ropes binding his hands, then handed it to him to free his own feet. At his questioning gaze, she shrugged.
“I’ve been in Smallville too long for a little tap like that to knock me out.” She bent and lifted her pant leg, revealing a small gun the she quickly pulled out. Lex paused, the knife hovering over his ankles.
“What are you doing?”
She smiled grimly before releasing the door.
“Saving myself.”
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Originally Posted by AlabamaWorley
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