The Billionaire Muggings, PG-13 to R, Ch. 42(update Feb. 22, 2016)

**BackupLover** · 6th October 2012, 14:18

AHAHA poor Gabe! Your Chloe certainly gives him a run for his money with these spur-of-the-moment adoptions- even if they are non-human. Loving this story!

**Emch** · 10th May 2013, 20:48

Good start. Me think I'm going to read this one in one go.

**kitten** · 22nd February 2016, 05:06

Chapter Forty-Two

I wish I remembered CPR from health class better, Chloe thought dubiously. For the next time Lex announces the existence of our scandalous love child to my unsuspecting father. Maybe I should sign up for a first aid class.

Father and elusive daughter had eaten a fine meal, while Nasty ate her nutritionally balanced cat food from an embarrassingly ornate silver dish. Gabe mumbled something under his breath about 'silver spoons' but let it go for the moment. Chloe had just begun to believe her father was over his shock when she saw a large, goonish figure pass by the window. She wrinkled her nose and hurriedly tried to think if Lex had been whining about death threats from anyone in particular.

She knew the bodyguards were there for her protection, but Chloe had assumed that was just Lex fussing. He fussed over meals and accidents and television shows with violence and adult language. He even worried about Lucas, which was an unfortunate combination with his poorly hidden laughter when a Lucas plan turned into a Lucas injury.

Brothers don't make a lot of sense, she thought. But I thought I understood this whole guard situation. I understood it was neurotic and silly, but Lex's place gets home-invaded every other month. My dad's house is much, much safer. I just didn't want to hurt anybody's feelings by saying so. I'm sure Dean and Salvatore really do try their best.

She excused herself from the table and went to the downstairs bathroom, feeling in her pocket for her phone. She dialed Lucas and turned on the water to drown out her whispering. Naturally, his greeting was an ear-splitting impression of Jack Nicholson going insane.

"Heeeeeeeeeere's Johnny!"

"Hi Lucas, it's me."

He paused, and she heard him rolling over on the sofa. "You missed me! I knew you would. What can I do for you? My Christopher Walken impression? Do you want to hear how awesome I was today? I can make soothing ocean sounds to help you sleep," he offered graciously. "Do you need me to bring some stuff to you? You forgot your toothbrush, didn't you? Saynomore!"

She grinned, but forced her voice to be disapproving. "No, Lucas-"

"I said, say no more!"

"But I have to ask you something. Are these guards supposed to be guarding me from someone in particular, or is Lex just being . . . you know?"

Giving a guttural throat-clearing, Lucas put on his scholarly voice. "My brother is a cad! And a nincompoop! But he's just being himself. There's no real reason to have them there, except to protect you from starlight on a 45 degree angle, and rogue black holes. There was an orientation meeting about rabid creatures and snakes, but Lex has launched laser-equipped satellites to shoot down any comets. There's a pretty good chance you guys will be fine. What's up?"

She glanced out the tiny, very high bathroom window, batting the curtain away from her eyes. "I think I saw somebody going into the backyard. I didn't think they'd be wandering all around. My father just met Nasty and he's not so sanguine about my instant family. I'm pretty sure the aftershocks of the rumours about my pregnancy are giving him heartburn."

Lucas snickered not so quietly he was worried about her hearing it, and Chloe pouted. It would be nice to be the one getting humoured instead of the one having to accommodate an irrational viewpoint.

"Dean and Salvatore can't really be called upon for stealth. You know who would provide accommodating and unexceptional home security? Me! I'll be right over!"

"No, pleeeeeease don't show up here! My father is just starting to get some colour back. Could you just ask Lex about this?"

"Are there any ninjas hanging from the trees? They might be dressed in camo and blending in with the foliage," Lucas suggested.

Chloe sighed violently.

"Fine! If you insist on doing things the boring way."

Lex cracked his eyes open when the distinctive "Chloe" ringtone came from his brother's phone. He had been enduring Lucas' uninterrupted company since seven p.m., when it had sunk in for both of them that she really wasn't coming back that night. Or the night after, or the night after that, he thought dismally. It felt like forever.

Lucas, who had before been occupied with Chloe and Nasty activities, had leeched to his side like a . . . leech, Lex supposed. He had not only eaten his usual breakfast with Lucas, but been joined by his half-brother at lunch in the plant. They had driven to work separately, but Lucas had ordered a rack of lamb for dinner and waited until Lex was there to eat. Chloe would be touched to document how long they'd spent together that day. He was equally suspicious of Lucas' motives and sure the cause was simply missing Chloe.

On the other hand, if after the movie Lucas wanted to sleep in the same bed, Lex was going to object to having to make up her absence. He settled Andy in the crook of his arm and went to the bar to refill his drink. It was hardly the day to attempt any more misery tolerance. To a healthy level of anesthesia, he toasted himself.

Meeting Andy's little puppet gaze, he told himself puppets couldn't absorb bad habits regarding alcohol use. He probably didn't even have a tiny felt liver. Lex strolled back toward the sofa and sat the boy on his own pillow, giving him a little squish to try to decide if Lucas' puppet sewing had included small internal organs.

"Are there any ninjas hanging from the trees? They might be dressed in camo and blending in with the foliage," Lucas said into the phone.

It was very much to be hoped Lucas was asking about an action movie Chloe had watched with her father. The activity also explained why Lucas had been insistent on movie night; it was a long-distance way to piggyback on Chloe's activities.

It's beyond me how she puts up with this, Lex told himself. I nearly killed him for the incessant popcorn munching.

He addressed Andy warmly. "You wouldn't tell if I kill your uncle, right? Puppet fatherly loyalty being thicker than ugly half-sibling insides?"

Andy met his eyes with a steady attention he gave to everything. His boy was a thinker. Not a deep thinker, maybe, but still infinitely better than Lucas with his all-talk laziness. And, somehow, the green gaze of the puppet boy seemed to urge another bout of patient tolerance for Lucas.

"You really take after your mother," Lex sighed. "You're a good boy. I'll try not to kill him."

"Fine! If you want to do things the boring way," the teenager said before lowering the phone. "Lex? Are the bodyguards really necessary at Chloe's house? They are making things weird."

"Well, they ensure the welfare of anyone at the Sullivan house. I suppose a person with fewer impulses to die horribly might get by without them, but neither am I willing or able to permit that experiment."

His half-brother waited, as if giving Lex a chance to renounce previous statements and come up with the correct answer to win a prize. Or Chloe's approval.

"They stay as long as she does," he barked. "Tell Chloe she's lucky I don't have her followed all the time."

Lucas cringed at the wording, which did feel a bit aggressive when Lex thought back on it. He frowned. "You know what I mean."

Making faces all the while, Lucas put the phone to his ear and said crisply, "Listen, he just went full serial killer and all I did was ask about it. Probably you should just put the lotion on and then put it back in the basket. Can I sleep there tonight? I don't feel safe here."

Over the phone, Lex could distantly hear Chloe's squeaking protests, but evidently Lucas' need for approval was dwarfed by his need for attention.

"I will be right there, my dearest! As fast as my legs can take me," Lucas said brightly. "Love you, sorrygottago!"

Lex looked at the freeze frame of a car chase on the television. "You know, it sounded like you weren't invited over. I thought we were giving Chloe time with her father."

The very happy look on the teenager's face was enough to wish for a horrible fate awaiting him at the Sullivans' - as long as no one important got hurt. If anyone deserved to be eviscerated by tree ninjas . . .

"She misses me, can't live without me. Worships the ground, etcetera. I just hope she'll be okay once I marry twin Penthouse pets and move to Hollywood," Lucas supplied thoughtfully. "Well, I have to grab my stuff."

Lex picked up Andy and stood, his brother eying him warily. "I guess I'll drive you, then. It's not every day you go to your first sleepover."

It was a clear challenge, if a juvenile one, and they each tensed in concentration. Lucas dropped his chin first and said, "Thanks! That's nice of you. But I'm cool."

"No. I insist."

"Really, I couldn't. I mean, you're watching Andy," Lucas tried.

"Andy has a car seat."

Shaking his head in wonder, Lucas squinted. "You bought a puppet a - you know, a ride would be great! I will get ready, you can drive me over there, and who the hell knows what else will happen! It seems like that kind of a night."

Picking up his son, Lex scowled darkly at the possibilities. "Come on, Buddy, we'll visit your mother," he said. "Did you have a sweater?"

Upholding his status as the most pleasant Luthor man, Andy only smiled quietly.

Chloe reread the popcorn instructions without really seeing them, certain disaster was heading in her direction. Lucas spending time with her father was iffy at best. Lucas spending the night commenting on Lex's overprotective impulses would set all the alarms off for Gabe.

I just wanted a nice movie night watching a terrible movie, she lamented silently. A tiny chunk of normal life before the next meteor mutant tries to eat all the telephone poles or something. That would have to be one huge freak. Huh, I wonder if people could be mutated into giants. Physics says no, but it says a lot of things that don't apply here.

She picked a time and started the microwave, idly tipping her head to watch the bag spin. Every once in a while the large shadow passed the windows, but her father hadn't seemed to notice. He had warmed up to Nasty considerably since he'd realized there was no way a kitten could be the biological offspring of his human daughter.

Chloe was not sure her father considered Lex human. Gabe had muttered something irritably about 'hound dogs' and 'restraining orders.' Most lawyers in the state had to be either working for Luthors or justifiably terrified of them, so she didn't really think he'd follow through. It just seemed mean to ruin her father's rant with logic.

"Uncle Lucas is driving your Daddy bonkers, Nasty," she informed the cat easily. "So he's going to hide out with us and Pop-pop! Help me mediate, okay? Whenever my Dad looks a little irritated, prance right over and give him kisses."

Her father adored Nasty, almost as much as he hated her nickname. The evening could still go - not well, but . . . okay-ish. There really was no point trying to keep Lucas away if he was desperate to visit. She had just about talked herself into feeling glad to see her friend when the doorbell rang.

"Hi. Come in, we're in the living room," Chloe said, waving Lucas into the house.

"My treasure! I brought Lex!" Lucas darted past her with a pat and chased the cat down the hallway.

"You did what?!"

She felt a little bad sounding so horrified. Lex gave a rueful smile and extended a bag from a convenience store. "We brought snacks," he said, patting Andy's little body where it rested facing over his shoulder. "And this guy was asking about you."

"Hi. Hi Andy. Come in, I guess. I am really sorry Lucas derailed your night," Chloe told him.

"My night was a movie with Lucas," Lex said, managing to make it sound like exotic torture. "Despite what he thinks, Lucas is not inviting himself to stay overnight. He's verging on hopelessly co-dependent."

Then he handed off their puppet son and walked nonchalantly into her father's living room to horn in on the single night she'd planned to spend with her father. Chloe blinked a few times and wondered if she needed to print the definition of co-dependent for a few people of her acquaintance.