Chapter Thirty-Nine
BM always sends me into that bewildered state of mind where I honestly cannot tell whether the characters are lunatics or geniuses… or lunatic geniuses? In any case, I’m actually pretty optimistic about all of this… because even if Lucas HAS created a lunatic plan over here, it’s still centered around a target (Lex) who happens to be a lunatic himself… which means that it should work just like a sane plan would work on a ‘sane person’, right?He patted the little body he was hugging to his chest, and nodded to himself. Lex had seen Andy, and there was no excusable way to ignore his parental rights. Mommy Chloe would get past her nerves once she saw Lex taking an interest. A puppet baby was just crazy enough to warm El Baldissimo's frozen heart cockles.
LOL! Aw, Lucas. I would shake my head at his naiveté, except that I actually think he’s onto something here. It actually IS true that siblings can become outright vicious in their ‘teasing’ of each other. Whether than viciousness is actually hiding away ‘true affection’ is… however… debatable! lol! But I’m so pleased and heartened to see Lucas taking such a positive and optimistic point of view. There’s way too much cynicism in the Luthors sometimes… so it’s darned nice to see at least one of them embracing the silver lining and positive viewpoint. Good for you, Lucas! Lol!Lucas spooned some of the scrambled eggs onto a saucer and brought the tiny plate back to the table with his own large one. Lex looked at it and scoffed. “You know portion control doesn't work if you just eat an extra plate of everything,” he said.
Lucas grinned, not offended by all of his brother's recent insults. He'd called in to Dr. Lauren's radio show and found out siblings – real ones – often teased one another mercilessly and with great hidden affection. “You're flabby, too,” he replied. “And these are for the baby.”
ROTFLMAO! Just how many times is Lex going to continue falling for that ‘Chloe might be pregnant’ line anyway?! ROTFL! I get the feeling that he’s probably never going to stop worrying about the potential occupants in Chloe’s womb… not until he’s completely secure in the knowledge that only HIS offspring have reserved the right to occupy that space, and no other. Lol!The bald man pulled his fists in close to his body and let him sit before he growled. “Baby?” Lex was looking to Chloe's usual seat, as if he could x-ray her absent belly with his rage.
Chloe was upstairs still, her hair or jeans or tampon not cooperating, according to Lucas. He was sure they weren't sleeping together. Absolutely positive. But it never hurt to browbeat someone into complete and severe honesty.
*pshaw* Utter nonsense, Lex! Lex has exactly the same concerning musings about Lucas’s sanity every time Lucas reveals a new hobby. He really should be used to lunacy, first thing in the morning, from Lucas at this point.He knew the family wasn't stable, but he'd assumed Lucas was crazy like he was crazy; persistently but at a low level unless provoked. Maybe it was time for some professional evaluation of the quirks of Lucas' mind.
Holy crap! I didn’t really think that Lucas would be getting any kind of actual results from this new lunatic plan… but it’s actually working!! Lex actually IS buying into Lucas’s make-believe role-playing, and actually playing along, and contributing to how he and Chloe would make excellent parents to their common kids. ROTFL! Holy. Crap!! I can’t believe that the puppet show actually worked! ROTFLMAO!Bristling, the older brother scowled. “Chloe and I would not let our baby starve. We would not schmoop over each other and we would not-Good morning! Here, let me get your chair for you,” he said sweetly as their third party arrived.
ROTFL! I might have scoffed at this lunatic idea at the beginning of the chapter… but now I actually think the idea has merit. After all, a puppet representation of a non-existent Chlex baby had Lex vocalizing, quite seriously and fervently, that the non-existent baby would NOT be neglected… imagine how much more powerful the results would have been if there has been puppet representations of real people over here! Real people fighting off and hiding real feelings for each other, no less!!Chloe and Lex took heroic gulps of coffee and slumped down silently. Lucas bounced the baby and sighed. They would probably be six or seven years into poor Adverb's life before they realized they were the cutest family ever. Maybe he'd make a Chloe and a Lex puppet and have them perform little mating rituals as examples. Teeny Felt Lex could give Teeny Chloe flowers and take her out to a miniature dinner, and christen the back seat of Barbie's pink convertible. He happily shoveled food in his mouth, mentally appreciating the little passion play of Teeny Felt Lex and Chloe's courtship. His little fuzzy big brother would be even dorkier than the dork pretending to eat on the other side of the table.
ROTFL! It’s a I]good[/I] motto! Perhaps it doesn’t have the same academic quality of Carpe Diem, but it’s more catchy and sexy, dammit!!!My new motto will be Honesty and Spontaneous Living, Lucas decided. I wish I could work something sexy in there. Honesty, Spontaneous Living and Rock-hard Abs!
I would also suggest testing for psychotropic drugs… except that I know that this problem cannot actually be blamed on medication. Nope! Lex’s gradual descent into… erm… alternate forms of sanity cannot be explained away by something as simple as drugs.She made a little felt hand wave at him, and Lex waved back with a reluctant smile. They had cute kids and - if Lucas didn't ruin them with his mentoring - he wouldn't regret it a bit. He had a kitten daughter and a puppet son; somehow it felt like a good kind of crazy. Now he was really glad he'd decided to give her a big present, since she was the mother of his children twice over.
He squinted into his coffee and worried quite seriously that he might be taking psychotrophic drugs in his food. A puppet with his old, horrendously orange hair was making him feel far too emotional.
ROTFL! It’s still damned funny though. I know I should be frightened for Lex’s sense of reason, perspective and sanity… but it’s still darned hilarious seeing Lex actually feeling some kind of genuine bond with the puppet son and the kitten daughter family that he’s formed with Chloe.
ROTFL! I don’t know what exorbitant amount of money Lex is paying these people… but they are SO clearly thinking that they don’t get paid enough to put up with this. And if they’re not thinking that right now, they WILL be thinking that within two minutes of meeting Chloe, and realizing that Lex was truly NOT exaggerating at all over here, LOL!"Miss Sullivan is going to be -" If he were honest, he would say 'bonkers' or 'preternaturally hyperactive.' He was luckily a Luthor, born and honed to be a world-class liar. "-enthusiastic, but she's an experienced journalist for someone her age. If you give her the chance to learn, she will grasp the instructions easily."
Gauging the variously blank expressions, none of them were overly impressed by his diplomacy, or completely against working with a teenage forewoman. Lex nodded and continued.
"Today is a special case, but from now on I'd like to hire on at least two of you for a nine to five shift every Saturday. Miss Sullivan is capable, but she won't be hauling boxes or working directly with the equipment. I expect safety measures will be followed strictly, even when she is . . . boisterous. All the same, while I pay you, she runs the place. Try to work with her energy."
Lex turned away, then back again. "Oh, and my half-brother Lucas can usually be found with Chloe. It's up to her what privileges he gets, but I'd keep him clear of the machinery unless you want to be digging severed fingers out of it."
And this will probably happen even before they become closely acquainted with Lucas, Kitten Nasty and Puppet Adverb, LOL!
I wonder whether any of Lex’s serving staff have bothered to warn there workers about what’s in store for them… Hmmm… probably not! I suspect that Lex’s household staff has probably been waiting back with avid anticipation, just waiting for the moment of horrified realization to hit the newcomers to the Lunatic Manor, about the details of the situations they’ve been hired into, lol!
'Stranger danger' might be the only real leverage other than confiscating all the Chloe; and there was a lot of Chloe around the house lately. Lucas had been trying to paint her. There were partial portraits lining the hallway outside Lucas' apartment. Chloe said they freaked her out, and Lucas said they 'distressed the spark of inspiration' he claimed lived in his soul. Lex wouldn't have minded one full Chloe portrait on the wall, but the gallery of single Chloe eyes and headless Chloe bodies was eerie. There was on canvas with just giant fingers, making wiggling motions as if they were trying to climb off and chase people down the hallway.I’ve always been sympathetic to Lex’s plight in trying to play ‘straight man’ as well as the sole guardian voice of sense and reason to Lucas’s and Chloe’s special brand of craziness. Granted, I’ve become increasingly concerned that Lex is beginning to become ‘infected’ by their lunacy… but it’s descriptions and musings like these which make me realize exactly how much difference there still remains between Lex’s level of sanity, and Lucas’s level of… erm… for lack of a better word… ‘alternate to sanity’.A new hobby was imperative for his sanity, if no other reason. Lucas and Chloe had been talking about taking their painting to the outdoors. She wanted to paint a mountain, which naturally added up to climbing a mountain. They had used office chairs to test the wheelchair ramp at the front entrance. Lex had come home to see his half-brother seemingly disposing of a particularly familiar blonde corpse. He would have overreacted with some murder himself, except a squealing and garbage bag wrapped Chloe was barreling down the ramp. For whatever reason, they had decided it was safer just to lash her bodily to the chair, pinning her arms and removing any small potential for steering. The garbage bag smock, he'd learned later, was to guard against 'unscheduled vomit'.
LOL! Oh, Lex! The poor man. You know… I didn’t completely understand what was happening with the wheelchair, the garbage bags and the ramp… but I’m actually grateful for my lack of comprehension. I don’t think I ever want to descend into a state of mind where all the details of that kind of lunacy actually become clear and ‘logical’ to me, lol!
LOL! Poor Lex… never gets appreciated. All he’s trying to do is protect Chloe. Why doesn’t she understand that while he’s locking her up in a barren, empty room… devoid of anything that might possibly hurt her. Why doesn’t she understand that he’s taking her BFF away from her ‘for her own good’? ROTFL! It’s a good thing that he never actually goes through with any of these plans to ‘protect Chloe from herself’. Lex still retains just enough sense, reason and sanity to realize that locking Chloe away would be construed as kidnapping and imprisonment, lol!Grounding Lucas from Chloe was getting harder. She had to be hidden very well, or Lucas would sit outside the door and yell his side of the conversation. She often lobbied to be returned, as if Lex was the bad guy for locking her in a room away from her playmate.
"Semantics," he grumbled under his breath. "I'm right because I say so."
And yes, he was aware that was exactly how ever horrible person throughout history justified things. He was trying to keep everyone safe. He was on the side of right. He was a diligent father, brother and to Chloe he was . . . a patron of her endeavors?
ROTFL! Omigosh this was such a cute, funny scene!!! I loved the way that both Chloe and Lucas were practically vibrating with exuberant curiousity… but whilst Chloe was being quite open about her enthusiasm, Lucas was making a poor attempt to ‘acting cool’ about it, lol!"Is it a huge ball pit," Lucas asked lowly. "Is it glow bowling? You knew that was my idea for the basement! If you're not going to let me play, I will sue."
Patting at him consolingly, Chloe said, "I'm sure you don't need to sue. And you can come, right, Lex? Just - put on your hardhat! Please! Pllllllllllease."
"She looks like she's dying, Lucas. You're literally killing her with curiosity. Just put on the safety gear."
ROTFLMAO! OMFG! ROTFL! This. Was. Hilarious! ROFL! I loved the way that Chloe didn’t become outraged and outright reject the idea of Lex creating a sex dungeon, with the intention of making her the centerpiece of the project. Instead she was very careful not to act ungrateful… making sure that it was clear that she WAS appreciative of Lex’s efforts into whatever kind of present he had made for her… even if it WAS an incredibly creepy, pervy sex dungeon, ROTFL!Her blonde hair was curling out under her very bright hardhat, and Chloe seemed thrown. She looked from Lex to Lucas and said, "I don't know what I do! I haven't done it yet, but I've never been awash in offers to do much of anything. Is it a sex dungeon? Not that I'm not grateful - I'm just . . . probably not grateful enough to do bondage?"
Sighing with resentment, Lex made a face. Lucas was absolutely ruining this wonderful gift for him and Chloe. "It's not a sex dungeon. Why do people always think I'm a big pervert?"
Oh, Chloe… you’ve gotta love the sweetness of a disposition that would instantly forgive being presented with bondage, manacles and possibly even creepy kink like anal ravishment and erotic asphyxiation as a ‘present’.
But… I have to say that it’s highly reassuring to see that Lex did NOT see her lack of outrage as some kind of invitation… that Chloe perhaps DID secretly want to be presented with bondage manacles as a present, lol!
ROTFL! Hilarious! The idea that Lex sees Gabe as a potential ‘kidnapper’… because the poor man might choose to drag his daughter back to her home. LOL! It’s hilarious seeing how Lex has become so used to having Chloe as an integral part of his life… that he sees ANY possibility of her being taken away from him as outright theft, LOL! I think I’d really love to see some kind of showdown between Lex and Gabe. It would probably end up as a showdown where Gabe has no idea that they’re competing, purely because he doesn’t see it as a competition at all. HE is Chloe’s father… and Lex is… well… Chloe’s best friend’s older brother? LOL! Seriously, Gabe would NOT see that as a threat at all, LOL!And Gabe would kill me, Lex told himself. Kill me a lot, and I probably wouldn't stop him if I thought he was going to steal - I mean, return Chloe to his house. It's only another year and she's off in a dorm anyway. He should understand my point.
Hmmm… except… Gabe knows Lex to be obsessive as well as inclined towards clinging onto anything that’s emotionally valuable. Perhaps Gabe might already have assessed the potential of Lex as a threat to time with Chloe…? Damn… now I really want a showdown!!!
LOL! No doubt, Lucas sees this statement as a sign of brotherly mockery, that’s actually hiding away a deep well of true affection, lol!"I might throw up if you don't stop babying her," Lucas grumbled. "I have things to do later."
"Oh? Maybe you're planning on going into work to catch up that day you took off without any notice," Lex asked.
ROTFL! Oh, Lex… what kind of beast have you unleashed? What kind of monster have you created?!?? ROTFLMAO! I love the way that Lex is only NOW becoming aware of the deeper and far-reaching ramifications of this ‘present’ that he had made for Chloe, lol!He nodded, smiling down at her and holding her by the elbows until she was dancing past him to Lucas. "Lucas! This is exactly what we've needed!"
The joy building in Lex took a sudden turn into dread. He didn't know what he'd done here. It was supposed to be a gift, but it was powerful. It had changed the face of politics, religion, education and society at large. Somehow, he had never allowed himself to consider what might result from giving Chloe the means at his disposal. Journalism ethics and emotional harmony had never really crossed his mind.
"Is it," Lucas asked, still holding on to his glum expression. "Yay."
His sarcasm didn't even touch Chloe's happy chanting of ominous plans. "-on the shelves by next Tuesday! I'll go get my proofs!"
She started running up the stairs before Lucas could find out what she'd meant, or Lex could warn her against throwing herself headlong. A thump told him she'd fallen, but she recovered within seconds and was pounding away down the hall. He looked at his half-brother and said, "She has proofs ready?"
And I loved, LOVED the way that Chloe practically leapt onto the printing press, like a wild predator jumping on a hapless bunny… She’s really hit the ground running on this, hasn’t she? It’s especially fun seeing how scarily and frighteningly quickly she went from grateful joy to manic action with this new toy of hers. I love it, lol!
ROTFL! And also… ah HA! This now opens up a whole new realm of possibilities for Lucas’s attempts at matchmaking. He doesn’t have to go through the trouble of making physical puppet representations of Chloe and Lex and having the puppets enact a demonstration of a courtship. He can just draw the courtship of Adverb’s parents in the next installation of the comic book, and wait for Lex to read through it. GENIUS!!!"I found one of Andy's comics, took the staples out and scanned it in. It's just a small test printing to show her how it all works," he said, glancing up at the stone ceiling. It was impossible, especially with the noise of the press rolling, but he could swear he was able to hear Chloe's frantic running.
"You read Andy's books?" Lucas looked skeptical.
"He's my son. I felt obliged to check out his literature." Lex crossed his arms. "Do you have a problem with that?"
"No." The hint of amusement Lex suspected he'd see was hidden by his sibling's well-timed cough.
First of all… squeee, the cinderblocks have finally found a home! Yayy! Lol!Lucas continued walking, but Lex stayed where he was. He could see over the rollers to the spot where Chloe was hugging herself and vibrating with glee. Robards said something over his shoulder, she grinned, and her impromptu wiggly dance turned into a sideways slip and fall.
"For the love of-" Ignoring his own safety rules, Lex started running toward her. He had to made a big circle around the press and the cinderblock bolsters that held it stable. He rounded the corner to see Chloe being helped to her feet by Robards and one of the other workers.
Also… lol at the way that Lex rushed over at the chance to pull Chloe into a rescuing embrace… only to find out that she was beingfondledassisted to her feet by one of Lex’s newest employees. Yeah, yeah… I know that Lex wasn’t consciously aware that he was only rushing to Chloe for the chance togropeembrace her, but I’m sure he felt quite a bit of resentment seeing that chance taken away from him nonetheless, lol!
ROTFL! Love it! I love the hilarious ending, with both Luthor brothers looking in feared awe at this little blonde, who is quickly turning into some kind of frenzied journalistic monster, right in front of their eyes. It’s ridiculously funny imagining Chloe intimidating a whole family of Luthors and their collected staff… without even trying! Lol! You go, Chloe!!"I'm a fool," Lex said, letting the words sink in. Why did he keep deluding himself that anything would keep Chloe happy and out of trouble?
Lucas gave him a languid punch to the arm, and nodded with satisfaction. "Now there's the appropriate reaction. Where do you come up with these terribly misguided ideas?"
Very much in opposition to the safety rules, Lex wanted to chase his brother down and beat him with his own hardhat.
This was a great chapter, Nonky. Thank you SO much for the awesome reveal. In retrospect, it makes sense that this would indeed be the PERECT present for Chloe, and I should have guessed the nature of the present a long time ago. But I’m embarrassingly slow, and it just didn’t occur to me. Awesome present! Great chapter! Excellent laughs! Please update soon!
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