The Billionaire Muggings, PG-13 to R, Ch. 42(update Feb. 22, 2016)

[buddyfozzy]

Haha! I can't wait to see how she pays Lex back :yay: :yay:

More soon please! :worship2: :worship2: :worship2:

[AlwaysPretending]

LMAO This was a great beginning, and I can't wait to see what Chloe has in store for Lex now.

I particularly enjoyed this:

I won’t say it, it will just make him laugh, I won’t say-

“I’ll get you for this Luthor!”

:biggrin:

Kerry

[chril1]

yeah i thought i replied to this but aparently rolling around on the floor laughing doesn't count, i actually have to write about it;

well my sides hurt

my hairs mused up

and my just ironed clothes are now de-ironed

looks like lea was rolling around on the floor laughing again

love lea
xxx

[kitten]

The Billionaire Muggings
Smallville PG-13 Fanfiction

SPOILER WARNING: Spoilers abound, up to the current episode in U.S./Canadian release.

Disclaimer: Smallville, the characters therein, and all affiliated copyrighted materials are owned by the WB. This is a work of fanfiction not intended for profit or infringement, only for the pleasure of fans of the series.

A/N: Because I’m afraid of Lark and her band of roving fanfic fiends, here’s an update. Anyone can ask politely, but threats really get things done. And that little sad blue guy with the puppy dog eyes works as well, although I keep hoping someone will make a green version because then he would look exactly like Kermit the Frog.

Incidentally I’ve seen an unfortunate man forced to demonstrate this, and it was clearly brutal for him. Oh, sex ed class, I don’t miss you at all.

Chapter Two

“Thanks.”

Chloe’s tone held absolutely no gratitude as she accepted the keys Lex’s goon was holding out to her. It was the one who had walked off with her clothes the night before. The one who had driven her home was waiting in the black luxury car idling in front of her house. Apparently he didn’t want to deal with her personally again.

Chloe smirked and made a big production of waving at him like he was her long-lost, beloved friend. When the other goon climbed back in beside him, his considerable bulk pushing the car at least two inches closer to the ground, she started blowing hugely dramatic kisses to them both, holding her hand over her heart and wiping away crocodile tears. Like good goons they didn’t acknowledge her.

Knowing that Lex had made sure she wouldn’t be hurt, Chloe had enjoyed her ride home. She had mocked the goon with impunity in between bad-mouthing his employer and questioning the dignity of a job in which stealing female undergarments was a required task.

She was pretty sure he had been either amused or insulted, but it was difficult to tell. It hurt her neck to look up far enough to see his face and his shoulders weren’t very expressive.

As Tweedledee and Tweedledum drove off, Chloe sighed. The plan had been a wash but at least Lex had kept his word. Her baby was back and safe as hoooooooow the hell did that get there?

She stared into the familiar interior of her home away from home and found it significantly different. There were red metal bars crisscrossing the roof of the little car and her comfortably worn in seat belts had been replaced with harnesses complicated enough to need an instruction manual. They weren’t even the same seats! Chloe looked at the dashboard in horror as she saw the mounted GPS and OnStar consoles. In the slot where her loyal stereo had served her well on many long trips, there was a flashy CD/DVD player combo with a ten inch tv monitor.

Chloe cautiously sat in the new interior, taking it all in. It must have cost tens of thousands of dollars, especially considering Lex had possession of the car less than twelve hours and would have had to pay a mechanic to install it all during the night. She wiggled her butt around in the seat, noticing the extra plushness over the factory installed ones.

This is kind of nice, she allowed. I guess he felt guilty for impeding my career so he decided to make amends. I’m still going to hurt him to the best of my ability, but I think I’ll still talk to him afterwards.

Running a hand over her new electronics panel, Chloe turned to look in the back seat and gasped.

“That jerk! He gutted my baby!”

She looked around the small car as if what she was searching for would appear, tears of rage welling up in her eyes. Chloe angrily shoved the keys into the ignition, started the engine and drove off without even bothering to try putting on her seat belt.


++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ++++++++

When she stormed into the castle the two maids doing the dusting in the entryway scattered. They had standing orders about Miss Sullivan’s visits, both from father and son Luthor: You’ve never seen her here.

She flew like a cold wind into the study and kept moving until her palms were pressing down on the paperwork in front of Lex. The glass and metal desk actually rattled and he looked up with shock.

“Chloe, can’t we just let this drop? I’ve got work to do,” he said, calmly twitching one of her fingers out of the way to add his signature.

“You defiled my car. I’m not leaving until you make it right,” Chloe screeched, enraged.

Lex finished the signature and pushed his chair back, leaning casually. “Dean and Salvatore delivered your car with a scratch?”

Chloe squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head. “Who?”

“Dean and Salvatore are the bodyguards who were with me last night,” he supplied.

“Oh, the goons,” she said, missing the flicker of a smile that crossed Lex’s face. “No they did just fine considering they seem to have a combined IQ of twelve.”

She slumped into one of the chairs in front of his desk, her lack of coffee overtaking the adrenaline high of her anger.

“I didn’t come here to fight with you. You caught me, I’m over it. But you had no right to do what you did to my car. I want it returned to the way it was,” she said.

Lex was about to mock her love of the car when he saw the serious set of her face. The changes that he had intended as a way of soothing her anger over his rather underhanded actions had hurt her.

“I’m not sure what you think my intentions were, but I don’t expect anything in return,” he said.

Frustrated, Chloe sighed loudly.

“I never asked you to pimp my ride, Lex! I can’t believe you did this. It’s such a violation. I liked my car as it was. It had . . . sentimental value.”

Lex considered what he had asked his mechanics to add; electronic components, some safety features and new seats. Try as he might, he couldn’t figure out why she was so upset. They were all improvements as far as he knew.

“Chloe, I specifically instructed my mechanics to be leave all your personal belongings alone. If you’ll check, you'll find that everything they found in the car is stored in the trunk. No one looked through any of it.”

“I’m talking about what they took from the car itself. I want my seats back and I want it done now,” she said.

Her voice was full of anger and resentment with an undercurrent of upset, and Lex found himself regretting his actions. He had known that he was overstepping his role when he ordered the changes to her car. However, as was typical in the face of Chloe’s criticism, he found himself defending what he had done.

“I would think that you would be grateful I’d shown an interest in your safety when all you seem to do is put yourself in harm’s way by following childish impulses. My people spent hours making that car safer for you and your various misadventures and I’m not inclined to call them back in on no sleep to negate all that hard work.”

His voice was hard and cold, but Chloe wasn’t intimidated. Over a year of sparring with him over matters of life and death had made her more or less immune to all his tricks.

She sat up and leaned forward, trying to appeal to his sense of fairness.

“I don’t think I’m asking too much here, Lex. I’ll leave the car here and you can get it back to me tomorrow, but I’ll need it back on Monday for school.”

Lex steepled his fingers together and leaned his elbows on the arms of his chair, bearing a rather unfortunate resemblance to Mr. Burns. Chloe waited for him to sneer ‘exxxxxxcellent,’ but he only shook his head.

“Again, I’m not inclined to do that. The roll bar and the four-point seat belts aren’t the sportiest features on a vehicle but they may very well keep you alive someday,” he said.

Possibly later today when I drive into you on purpose to prove it, he thought. Had she always been this persistent?

Chloe went limp, letting her head fall back over the chair and sighing loudly. “It’s not enough to ruin my career prospects, now he wants to ruin my sex life, too,” she muttered to herself.

“I wasn’t aware my actions had any bearing on your sex life, Chloe.”

He didn’t just hear that. I was muttering to myself. He was eavesdropping on a private conversation. Jerk.

She sat up straight and ignored the redness she knew was lighting up every inch of skin above her waist. Keeping her voice neutral and her eyes mild, Chloe tried one last time to ask nicely.

“I only want my back seat. Just give it back and I’ll go to a garage and get it reinstalled, and we can forget this entire incident ever happened.”

Lex really did try to suppress his smirk, but it was the funniest thing he’d heard in years.

“You have a lucky back seat?” His amused tone made her enraged, and Chloe found herself flushed with that as well as embarrassment.

“That’s not the point,” she said, gathering up the last of her dignity. “I don’t see why this has to be so difficult. I just want it back.”

Lex smiled. For whatever reason, pushing her to be rude to him was something he enjoyed. He had been worried that she was seriously angry with him this time, but now that he knew what was bothering her he had no compunctions about teasing her.

“In the interest of safety I’m not sure returning the luck to your car is wise. While Gabe seems open to the idea of grandchildren, he probably isn’t expecting them anytime soon. Teenage boys aren’t known for their ability to properly use a condom.”

He watched as her mouth opened in shock, a perfect O of pink lips and outrage. Her hands groped for the purse she had thrown down next to her chair and Lex briefly considered a mental picture of her standing over his pepper sprayed, prone body.

“So, all I have to do is convince you that I’m capable of using a condom and I get my back seat,” she said. “Done.”

Her hand closed around something from the bag and she jumped up, running over to the coffee table in front of the fireplace. She peered into the fruit bowl and furrowed her brow.

“No bananas. I’ll just have to improvise.”

She was standing beside his chair before Lex could move and he found his hand being cradled in one of hers against her stomach.

“It’s an extra large, here, give me three fingers. Be the banana.” Chloe flattened his hand and bent his little finger down. Her free hand brought a condom package up to her mouth, tearing it open with her teeth.

“Of course, you shouldn’t open a condom with your teeth because you might tear it, but that won’t be an issue here,” she continued with the lesson, rolling the condom over his fingers with practiced ease.

He wasn’t sure why, but Lex sat quietly though all of her actions, stunned by everything. Stunned by what she was doing, by the familiarity with which she did it, by the fact that she carried extra large condoms in her purse and considered her car’s back seat lucky. Stunned that he wasn’t stopping her.

Chloe watched his expression go to the complete blankness of shock, happy with herself.

“So?” She waved his own hand in front of his face, now ready for safe sex.

It was at that moment-Chloe’s personal favourite moment of the day-when the doors of the study opened to admit five stuffy looking men carrying briefcases.

Apparently they have an appointment, she thought, desperately trying to fight back hysterical laughter. She dropped his hand and darted around the desk, grabbing her bag and yelling over her shoulder at the frozen billionaire.

“I’ll be expecting the goons to deliver my car by Monday!”

As she pushed through the awkward group of men in the doorway, Lex’s stupor left him enraged. The rational part of his mind tried to find a way to gloss over the horrible circumstances for his business associates as he tried to peel the condom off his fingers. The irrational part of his mind didn’t bother with justifying anything and it sent him out of his chair and roaring.

“Dammit, CHLOE!”

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ++++++++

Clark glanced at Chloe in the passenger seat of the truck, wondering if what she was telling him was true. She had called him on her cellphone for a ride, asking him to pick her up in the woods behind Luthor Mansion.

“So, Lex made you put a condom on him in return for fixing up your car?” He asked with confusion. He just didn’t think Lex would do something like that. It was sexual harassment or something.

Chloe shook her head, biting back the hearty laughter that had made her escape so difficult. A huge guffaw broke loose before she could stop it, digging her fingernails into her knees to tamp it down.

“No, putting the condom on him was my idea. I don’t know what he wanted me to do, but he was taking too long in asking.”

“Okay.” She could tell Clark still didn’t understand and she didn’t bother to help him out.

“If he hadn’t spent a bunch of money improving my car I never would have humiliated him like that,” she said. “And it’s not my fault he doesn’t have a well-stocked fruit bowl.”

Clark couldn’t think of anything else to say to her after that.

[asharnanae]

:biggrin: OMG!!! thats one classic situation!!!! :yay: MORE!

[buffiy18]

:huh: /wow, that was hillarious. Loved it! You MUST update this soon. It is just too good ! And poor Clark... what must be going through his head.

:chlexsign3:

[sydsvaughn]

I can just SEE Lex's face ...

This was priceless!!

SaraC

[hfce]

:lol: This is so funny. Chloe is a real bitch. :lol: More please.......


Hope

[AlwaysPretending]

Well, well, well, the look on Lex's face when those guys walked in...I'm sure it was a Kodak moment

Keep up the great work!

Kerry

[Béatrice]

Originally posted by nonky@Nov 8 2004, 01:27 AM
She waved his own hand in front of his face, now ready for safe sex.

:lol: :lol: Thats's really funny.

I can't wait to read more. :chlexsign3: