AN: Just a quickie.
Hindsight
A few years ago, while a friend and I were exploring a side of Metropolis that most residents often scoffed at, I stumbled upon a secret that I would spend the rest of my life attempting to prevent from coming true. You see, I was young and carefree--fresh from my internship in the CNN London Headquarters and eager to begin a career in the city I would always think of as home. Anyway, to celebrate my return, I asked my friend to stay out with me. Who knew, I had told her, I might run into old friends.
It was a rather slim chance. Lana had moved to Washington with her congressman husband, my very dear partner in crime Pete Ross. Clark on the other hand, after proving to be a very invaluable journalist by continually being at the right place at the right time, would be wandering the states looking for prized news. Lex Luthor apparently has been so deeply entrenched in the shadows of his world that no one could predict where he would next be.
I was drawn by the glitter of her sign post. When finally I sat before her, a glowing glass ball between us, I was exhilarated. My future lay before me and she could tell me everything just by examining my palm.
That was the night that I found out. "You will commit the worst sin of your life," she had told me, "against the one you love the most."
It was a terrifying fortune, and I wanted to forget about it. When I loved someone, I gave everything to that person. There was no way I would cause anything bad to happen to him.
I met him again after long years of no contact at all and found Lex Luthor changed beyond the comprehension of any normal person. He was bordering on the edge of madness, and his eyes had that hard flint surface that stupidly attracted me. He was to laugh at that during the long nights we held each other.
It’s funny really, in an odd, ponderous way, how two of the most obstinate people in the world could so easily fall madly in love with each other. That was what happened and I was to mull over that whenever he fell asleep on my breast, his ear pressed against my heart because he told me that my heartbeat eased the turmoil in his brain. So much turmoil, I knew. With every dull sound in my chest, he said the chaos lessened a degree.
I wondered then if it was the pain of that one moment, months after we discovered the sickness that consumed me from the inside like fire in my veins, that made me utter the plea that I knew would be forever engraved in his brain.
"Lex," I said tearfully, "I want you to marry me so you would never forget me." And then I knew, those words were my sin against him. In his eyes I saw the shift, this change that overcame him. I made him into what he would become. To remember me, he would always chase after death. And if he could not grasp the cold fingers of the grave for himself, he would thrive on the essence of any death he could come close to.
And I would not be around to stop him. That I will carry. But then again, in a day, perhaps in an hour or so, it would make no difference to me.
My tears would never wash Lex’s hands.
fin
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