Survival
NC-17 Fanfiction
Post-Episode for Covenant (Season 3 Finale)
SPOILER WARNING: Spoilers abound up to the end of Season 3. So incredibly AU, that spoilers beyond that would never fit.
Disclaimer: Smallville, the characters therein, and all affiliated copyrighted materials are owned by the WB. This is a work of fanfiction not intended for profit or infringement, only for the pleasure of fans of the series.
A/N: I mentioned my sad computer worries to a friend of a friend and I have a temporary solution that should allow me to keep posting every so often without retyping whole chapters. Good thing, too, considering this chapter alone is almost 5000 words. Many thanks to Robert (who won’t read this but deserves them). Might be some extra funky mistakes in this one due to the IBM-Apple technology feud, but I think it’s readable.
Perhaps three more chapters to go on this story. I’m working quickly and I appreciate your patience.
I'd never hold real life's time-consuming events against you, CC. Oh, I miss all you guys and I missed my birthday on the boards, too. *pouts*Originally Posted by Queen Of Tact
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Working is better than crying, Chloe told herself, and infinitely more useful.
She had slept for a hour or so, brooded for a while longer, and then pulled herself together. She might be a young woman far out of her depth, but for today she was a Luthor and she would fight. Her father deserved justice and her husband needed her help - no matter what he had done.
She was going through files in Lex’s study, trying to corroborate the evidence they already had with the information Candra Neilson had just given them. So far it was falling about even, with nothing in particular to prove or disprove the allegations. The lack of success didn’t bother her, considering Lex probably had dozens of employees working on it as well. She was just dabbling until he got home.
Whereupon she would either cry, yell or pitch herself off a balcony in a frustrated confusion of emotion.
She rolled her eyes at herself and didn’t even care that one of the staff members caught her doing it. She knew quite well Lex wouldn’t stand by and let her plunge to her death, nor would she jump. Chloe was just fatigued from all the upheaval and the certainty of more in the future. Melodramatic doom hurt less than the reality.
Her childhood fantasies hadn’t included rose-coloured images of marriage, home and family. She was still amazed that living with a husband was so seamless. Lex seemed to work very hard to make the transition painless for her. There were many more positive aspects than negative ones and it helped a great deal that the homemaking duties were handled by employees. She didn’t really have to do anything except react.
Easy in concept, but the execution was killing her - pun intended. She felt achy and weird most of the time, her appetite was nil and the preoccupation made it hard to think.
She loved Lex for being so good to her, and was pretty sure she was falling in love with him. Unfortunately it wasn’t that simple in the incestuous world of corporate, romantic and familial interactions that she had to navigate. Lex was used to dealing with it all, but she was learning it in tiny bits and pieces that had yet to gel into a real idea of what she was doing.
Chloe was afraid to be alone, and that meant she was more dependent on Lex than she wanted to be. She trusted him but couldn’t ignore the possibility that she was creating feelings prematurely in order to solidify her place in a world that felt huge and hostile after her father’s death. Every time he professed his love for her she wanted to return the feeling. Hurting him would be all too easy if she gave in and spoke too soon. He was careful and gentle with her, and she was determined to treat him with the same regard even if she had to leave him hanging until she was sure.
"Cruel to be kind," she muttered to herself, flipping pages in a document chronicling the history of Bowes Pharmaceuticals.
Lex paused in the doorway to his study and marveled at his wife. She was still there, even working to help him and his company. It was a moment of quiet gratitude he could never have voiced, so he just stared and wondered how a 17 year old reporter was exactly the woman he needed in his life. She read quickly through files, closing up one with her right hand as her left moved the next onto the blotter in front of her. She had changed into a black sweater that might have been his, and he felt his stupefied heart try to drag him into the room. He checked himself and remembered his manners.
"Can I come in," he asked, knocking quietly on the door frame.
Green eyes studied him as she nodded and began to push out from the desk to give up his chair.
"No, stay there," Lex said. "It’s nice to get out from behind the desk."
"I can see that," she said noncommittally.
He sat in one of the chairs in front of the desk, deliberately bought to be a bit shorter than his own. All the better to maintain the upper hand, though he rarely did any important business from the penthouse. Chilly anger had been replaced with mild fatigue and he admired her lightly tousled hair with affection. It was a starting point that she would talk to him.
"How is your father," Chloe asked stiffly, not knowing where to start. ‘How many bastard children do you have,’ seemed too confrontational.
"He’s fine, he says hello and thanks you for the books. We worked out something that will stabilize LuthorCorp, too, I think."
Lex noted the flush of his wife’s cheeks as he mentioned Lionel’s reading material, but it faded once he continued speaking. She wheeled the chair into the desk and looked at him steadily. The upset of earlier was either gone or deeply buried, and realistically he knew she wasn’t so shallow to be over it already.
"I’m going to put about $25 million into returning LuthorCorp subsidiary stock to our control, then launching a $5 million publicity campaign. By the end of the summer there shouldn’t be any risk of a buyout."
Chloe tried not to gape at the figures. She knew Lex was worth somewhere between six and ten billion dollars, but that didn’t mean he had bank accounts with ten digit balances before the decimal point. The holdings of LuthorCorp and LexCorp added up to about four billion, and the personal wealth of Lex and Lionel made up the rest. Having millions of dollars didn’t mean it was easy for him to find millions to spend.
"How did you arrange that much so quickly," she said, trying to keep her tone free from accusation. A few hours was an extraordinarily short time to find that kind of money legally.
Lex shifted in the comparatively uncomfortable chair and shrugged lightly.
"Dad’s signing over his nest egg to us," he said. "We’ll have to do a few hours of banking tomorrow but it should be on the way by the time we arrive at the party."
She nodded and smiled grimly at his wording.
"The signing over to ‘us’ is just you being polite, right?"
Lex shook his head and gave her the documents he had just received from Lionel’s attorney. Chloe’s eyes widened as she read them.
"Your father is giving me over twenty million dollars," she observed in a shocked tone.
"Yes, and I assume you would be agreeable to lending it to LuthorCorp to help during a crisis," Lex said, clearing his throat self-consciously. Money had usually revealed women’s treachery, and he couldn’t help feeling apprehensive about her reaction. "I wouldn’t insist upon it, of course."
A wave of her hand almost distracted him from Chloe’s stealthy scoff.
"Giving me millions is like giving me three dozen stars, Lex. I wouldn’t know what to do with it even if I could figure out how to really possess it. I’m just sorry I have to be around for the stupid banking," she said forthrightly, before she turned back to the files.
She proved him wrong all the time and he loved it almost as much as he loved her. Chloe was the mythical creature he’d never thought he’d find; a woman who could care less about his wealth while still finding value in him.
"Thank you," he said, his voice deep with happiness.
"I didn’t do anything."
Her shy smile flashed before she shook her hair into her face and pretended to read a section of a file very carefully.
She kept reading the same four words over and over again, but it was better than looking at Lex’s ‘I love you’ face. He wore it unexpectedly, sometimes in bed but often during conversations about nothing of importance as far as she was concerned. It started out as mere admiration, but then it grew as he seemed to count off the things she’d done right until he was brimming with pride and adoration for her. It made her want to check over her shoulder for a more accomplished woman, because it couldn’t be all for her.
And it still wasn’t enough to shake her conviction that it wouldn’t last.
"I’m tired," she said. "I’m not finding anything here. I think I’ll just go to bed."
It was barely eight and Chloe didn’t meet his eyes. Lex knew she was lying. He snagged her hand as she walked around the desk, catching her wary gaze.
"Can I just clarify something first?"
Green eyes latched on to his and searched them, and he felt unexpectedly timid. It was difficult not to protect himself from it, but her mouthed ‘okay’ was his reward.
"Chloe, I don’t have a legion of children littering the world," he said solemnly. "I’m not going to say it’s impossible given my old lifestyle, but it’s not - I wasn’t irresponsible on a regular basis. There were women on occasions that I’ll never remember, but most of the time I’m covered. The other times . . . "
He spread his hands in a helpless gesture.
"The only thing I can say about that is I hope it never happened because I wouldn’t want a child that way."
She blinked a few times, very slowly as if there were tears in her eyes, and Chloe’s fingers stroked absently along his hand.
"What if one of them shows up? What would you do?"
She watched as Lex ‘s eyes darted down very briefly before he spoke.
"I’d support a child financially, of course, but there’s no room in my life for another woman and I wouldn’t expect you to have anything to do with it."
He looked hopeful, probably that it was the right answer, and Chloe suppressed a sigh. There was a certain sentiment she was hoping for, and he hadn’t expressed it.
"So you’d never . . . You wouldn’t want a place in your child’s life?"
Lex didn’t know what he’d done wrong, but his wife was hurt, almost devastated. It seemed more personal to her than he’d expected. Her hand was a little sweaty in his grasp and he wanted to hold her and calm her down.
"I don’t -"
"No," Chloe shook her head and cut him off. "It’s not a fair question. I’m sorry."
She pulled her hand away and Lex lowered his into his lap, clenching it shut in shame. He hurt her simply by being who he was.
But then she whirled around and turned back, eyes hot with some deep passion.
"The thing is we both know how it feels to be discarded children, Lex, and I couldn’t do that to someone else. I couldn’t be the cause of that for some kid who has no idea who I am or why he doesn’t have a father. But I’d wonder about you and the mother, I’d be insecure. I’m not sure . . ."
Chloe’s mouth snapped shut on the words she was going to say, on her horror that she was capable of almost saying them. She walked around the desk and held the back of the chair in front of her for protection, even though her husband hadn’t moved at all.
His eyes did follow her, and they were narrowed in a kind of irritation unique to people who had both intellect and cunning. He didn’t understand what she was talking about and it was a rather singular event for him. The instinct to argue was rising faster than the ability to find something to say.
"You’re not sure what," he asked, his voice hard with tension. "Tell me Chloe. Say it all."
Her eyes drifted around the room for a moment, then she started gathering up the files quickly, with agitated motions. The papers were getting creased and jammed up as she stacked them together and turned to the file cabinet to shove them into a drawer.
"Lex . . . " she said, slamming the drawer shut and turning back reluctantly.
"Say it. It’s the only way to get through this."
Her lips opened, closed again, and twisted into a grimace.
"If I do and things don’t go the way I hope, nothing will be the same. I’m not in love with you, but I - You - " She stammered and stopped as Lex’s expression took on a bitterness that told her he was bracing for her to turn against him.
"It’s not an ultimatum. I’m not threatening you," she insisted. "I judge men based on my father and how good he always was to me. I can’t be in love with you if you can’t be the same kind of man he was. If the potential isn’t in you to be a good father - to any woman’s child - it’s not possible."
He was frozen and she couldn’t stop talking no matter how loud the voice in her head yelled at her to shut up. Tears began to gather in the corners of her eyes.
"Being married to you, it’s not what I expected, and definitely not this soon. For a life I never wanted, it’s somehow working, it’s okay, it’s even pretty great sometimes. But I can’t start closing off avenues because there’s too much time for me to change my mind later. So I can’t expect you to reject the possibility of another woman being the one for you, especially if she’s had your child."
It had been a very long time since he’d felt so let down. Lex thought about how he’d been virtually drowning in love for her, then about how she was still ambivalent about him.
"I’m innately selfish, and you’re giving me the only peace I’ve known in years. I’ll work as hard as I have to to make you happy. A biological coincidence wouldn’t change that. Why would I want a woman who accidentally conceived by me years ago when it would cost me you? Even if there was a child involved, I’m not that gullible."
She shook visibly for second, then whispered sadly.
"But I’m still afraid and I don’t know that you can do anything about it."
Chloe sniffled as he sat silently, unwilling or unable to reassure her. She felt the moments tick off as Lex became more closed off. She finally moved when his face slid into the mask of indifference she hated to see.
"I’m going to bed," she whispered, as she tried not to run from the room.
And Lex still didn’t move.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
She was asking him to be an ethical, loyal husband. Lex was already failing, because that man would have followed his wife and comforted her instead of fleeing his own apartment.
He had gone two floors down to the gym installed for the residents of his building, locking the door behind him in case anyone else might intrude. He didn’t think it was likely with two guards standing outside and the privacy sign up, but he wasn’t in any shape to even pretend to be polite.
She was right about him, not surprisingly. He didn’t want children, under any circumstance. There was a deep fear associated with the idea, and a presumption that it would be the greatest personal folly he ever made. There was also an undeniable fascination in the role he had denied himself which might carry over onto the woman who gave him a child.
His gut feeling was that he wouldn’t betray Chloe for something so inconsistent. But he didn’t have any specific reasons that would satisfy Chloe, and he knew it. She wouldn’t accept his convictions that his father was much more of an influence on his life than she wanted to believe. She didn’t understand how hard he fought to be someone different than the Lex Luthor the world knew as more of a robot than a human being.
He wrapped his knuckles with difficulty and laced on the boxing gloves by tying them first and then slipping them on like mittens. The fit was too loose, but he wasn’t really exercising anyway. He was stalling until the next time he had to face Chloe.
Every impact with the punching bag echoed another reason why he wasn’t cut out to be a father. He was impatient. Aggressive. A perfectionist. Selfish. Traumatized by his own childhood. A workaholic. A former drug addict. Too fond of alcohol. Overly ambitious. Distrustful. Dishonest. Cynical. Aloof. Inconsiderate. A bad friend. A bad son. A bad husband.
"Don’t deserve her," he muttered, swinging a last time at the bag and catching it before it could come back to hit him.
His arms were aching but he didn’t feel refreshed by the exercise. He had successfully gotten himself more wound up instead of releasing some tension. He wanted the fight with Chloe to be over so he could crawl into bed and hold her.
He pulled off the gloves and unwrapped his taped fists, tossing it all into his gym bag to clean up later. It was too late at night to worry about running into anyone in the hallways so he didn’t bother putting his jacket back on over his sweaty undershirt. Nodding to the guards, he walked slowly to the elevator and rode up to the penthouse. They trailed behind silently until he started to open the apartment door.
"Sir, Mrs. Luthor went down to the garage an hour ago," one of them said hesitantly.
Lex turned and practically growled at the guard.
"She left and you didn’t tell me?"
Both of his bodyguards backed up an involuntary step, and he realized how erratic his behaviour must have seemed to them over the past few months. He didn’t bother apologizing, but he did force his expression into blankness.
"Where did she go?"
The two guards exchanged a nervous glance and the one who had spoken before remained silent. The other man seemed to pull himself together and cleared his throat before he spoke timidly.
"She hasn’t actually left, sir. She’s sitting in your Ferrari and Mr. Haring is down there keeping watch."
It was past 11 p.m. and Lex could only figure that she was leaving him but having second thoughts. But he wouldn’t stop her, not if she wanted to go.
He nodded and dismissed the guards, then went into the apartment. He tossed the gym bag into a corner of the bedroom and looked at the empty bed. The covers were rumpled slightly and he wondered if Chloe had tried to sleep and been unable to rest.
She wasn’t his to keep, and Lex reminded himself of the sad reality as he showered. It should have been easier to take, knowing as he did that marriage wasn’t the deep connection it was sold to be. Chloe wasn’t his first wife and it didn’t seem like she would be his last, but lifelong matches didn’t exist anymore. It was best to make sure she was okay and have it over with quickly.
Eddie Haring could take half the team and go with her, and perhaps she would agree to set up in the mansion in Smallville where the guards could protect her. It would be nice to have Mrs. Urset available to her if she needed someone, and the Kents would be there if Chloe wanted to disassociate with all of his employees.
He tried to tell himself he didn’t need to know where she was as long as she was okay, and knew he was a liar. Childish spite sent him pacing around the large bedroom.
Lex threw on a pair of slacks and a dark shirt, his mood bleak. She was leaving, not because she was fickle but because he was. He couldn’t say for certain he would ever be able to embrace family life even with Chloe. She knew - quite correctly - that she couldn’t compromise so early in her life just to be with him. And he was a few years too cynical to believe he could bend for her.
So he finished dressing and went to his office, shuffling the numerous papers that made up his work. Five minutes later he stopped working and put a classical CD in the stereo.
It’s no easier to really be in love, he thought with exasperation. With the others I could blame a lack of feeling, but with her I know it’s based on real depth. I’d almost prefer the meaningless women. They didn’t hurt like this.
He poured himself a brandy and stared off into space for a few seconds before he retrieved his cellphone. Dialing Eddie Haring, he put his drink down untouched and turned off the music.
"Is she still in the garage?"
He waited as his security chief hesitated over his answer, probably getting a close-up look at his wife through a night scope or binoculars.
"She’s still sitting in the car," he confirmed.
Lex closed his eyes. Chloe had left the apartment almost two hours ago. It agonized him that she was so upset she couldn’t leave or stay. If there was someone she trusted he could send down to speak to her he’d do it, but the servants were poor emissaries for his apologies.
"What has she been doing?"
Another hesitation.
"She was crying earlier and I approached the car to ask if she needed something, but she waved me off. Otherwise she’s been sitting there," Haring said.
He’d forgotten how much the mere knowledge of the pain of someone he loved could sear him. His wife was stuck in private misery with no one except an employee to comfort her. Her life was was very empty compared to what she had with her father. Everyone around her was a stranger, even himself.
"I’ll be right down," Lex said. "Don’t let on."
The other man sounded relieved to have the situation taken out of his hands. It was probably one of the more awkward tasks he’d been given in his career and Lex didn’t hold it against him.
"Yes, sir," Eddie said.
He looked to the poor girl huddled into herself, thinking how much she looked exactly like what she was - a lost child with no real home and no one on her side. His employer had appeared to love her at first, but she was wearing down from the strain of being constantly embroiled in one or another of her husband’s schemes. It wouldn’t be too much longer before the damage would be too much to recover, Eddie thought. The Luthors were a truly strange family and there was a level of insanity in the way they moved through the various power struggles and murder attempts exchanged between father and sons. That strangeness might break the young woman even though her father’s death hadn’t.
Eddie indulged a small wish that she would start the car and drive away, making her escape from the dangerous life she had married in to. He checked himself with a brush of fingertips to his wallet, reminding himself that his job was to keep her there and he needed the money the job provided.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Lex rode down in the elevator alone, having assured his guards upstairs that Haring would handle his protection while he spoke to his wife. The men had looked skeptical, probably because they had heard at least part of the argument earlier. Both of them were married men and had they not been employees he might have asked them for some pointers.
The door chimed and he stepped into the chilly concrete room, his footsteps echoing along the bare walls. Eddie Haring was standing casually beside a support beam, not really hiding but not standing out either. He was a good security man and Lex was gratified that he genuinely seemed to have concern for Chloe’s well-being.
"Any change," Lex asked quietly, glancing to the red sports car.
"No, sir, she’s just been sitting there."
He nodded and approached the passenger side slowly, letting his wife have time to notice his presence. If she sent him away he would go, he thought, even if she was crying. It hurt to think about leaving her upset, but he had an obligation to listen to her terms as well.
Chloe didn’t move as he reached the car and crouched down to reach underneath the wheel well. His face was blank as he found the spare key in its magnetic holder and sat in the passenger seat. When she didn’t say anything to the contrary he closed the door and turned to face her.
"You might get further with this," he told her mildly, putting the key into her slack hand.
She looked at it like it was the key to an immense mystery, then handed it back to him. Her eyes fixed on the far wall as her hands slid to the ten and two positions of the steering wheel.
There was silence for so long Lex found himself almost squirming with the desire have something break the tension he felt, though Chloe was slumped almost laconically in her seat.
"Should I go?"
She sighed and shook her head.
"I wasn’t leaving. This isn’t some kind of dramatic gesture," she said quietly. "I just . . . It’s stupid."
Lex didn’t think it was but didn’t say anything. Chloe didn’t blurt like other teenagers, she thought and rethought things before she said them. It took longer to hear what she was thinking but it was worth it.
"Whenever I was having a crappy day . . . " she said, hesitating painfully. "Um, before. I used to sit in my bug in the driveway and hang out for a while. It was soothing. My own little world to be what I wanted to be."
He nodded. The penthouse had been a similar place for him during his turbulent years, but it had been replaced by the mansion as Smallville became more and more like a home.
"Usually I wanted to be more like Lana in some way or another, but looking back I don’t remember that like it was really me. Compared to now that girl had her life figured out almost perfectly."
Chloe’s hands fell from the wheel and one of them reached for his. Lex held it carefully, with the same soft pressure she was holding on to him. Her eyes glistened with tears.
"I miss my dumb high school worries and my inexpensive car and my father. I’m so anxious all the time. I can’t wrap my mind around anything some days."
The tears spilled over and he felt himself start to give up, his free hand clenching around the car key. Some grumble of stress must have alerted Chloe because she looked at him suddenly.
"No," she said deliberately. "I’m not leaving and I’m not quitting. I said I wasn’t. I’m just frustrated, but I’m not giving up."
His chest loosened a bit and she studied his face before turning forward in her seat again, sniffling.
"I don’t understand you most of the time. It’s all so delicate . . . I’m absolutely out of my depth with you and with everything. I worry that loving you won’t be enough for either of us."
She loved him. His feelings jumped on the words and his hand tightened on Chloe’s. Shallow glee danced at the validation but Lex kept himself carefully mute and impassive.
"I have a mental block that I have to get past so I can get used to the idea of being in love with someone who is so different. I can’t sort things out and my low self esteem is having a field day," Chloe said sheepishly.
"No one expects you to understand everything, or everyone," he said gently.
Her nod was sad and it made her head look too heavy for her body to move. There were the beginnings of dark circles under her eyes and her cheeks were starting to hollow out. Lex longed to fly her to the tropics so she rest and play.
"You’re being very patient. I thought maybe we could talk a bit more about ourselves and about married stuff, if you want."
Lex cracked a grin at the absurd phrasing and echoed it playfully. Hope was irrepressible in him now, her determination making him equally resolved to work out their difficulties.
"Married stuff. Joint chequebooks and who takes out the trash and walks the dog?"
"Something like that," Chloe said, smiling slightly.
Lex slid his fingers through hers and looked at how their knuckles lined up almost perfectly.
"Can we do that tomorrow, since it’s after midnight," he asked meekly.
"Yes, dear," she mocked. "In deference of your old age and the very real probability that I’ll drive you to drink, it’s the least I can do."
They locked up the car and said goodnight to Eddie before they got out of the elevator The security officer discreetly radioed ahead had all the guards clear out of the penthouse as they passed through. His personal feelings aside, he felt like they deserved privacy for their limited time together.
Chloe and Lex went to bed quietly, both feeling more desire to cuddle than have sex.
"Still afraid," he asked as he spooned behind her.
"A little bit. Maybe if you hold me tighter."
His arms wound closer and Chloe tucked herself up smaller into his arms. She didn’t seem to notice the slight discomfort of being kept so near.
"You do know that was your one opportunity to escape," he said, only half teasing. "Next time I’ll make such an embarrassing scene you won’t even get to the stairs."
A smiling mouth kissed both his hands as she traced his fingers with her own.
"It’s nice to see you coming out of your shell, honey," she said, her voice faint with drowsiness. "Save some of it for tomorrow so you can be the crazy party monkey and make me proud."
TBC very, very soon!
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wonderful update. I loved the whole chapter and I'm glad that it finished on such a positive note. Can't wait for more.
i love it! so yeah, i think that this psycho female assassin, as much as it pains me to say so, is either Elsie or the secratary, which is sad. no one should try to kill them, but plot's sake i understand. great job with this! update again soon!
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