Fallout (NC-17) 8 September, 2009 - Complete

[hfce]

I am shocked beyond belief. I never thought I would see another Chlex fic from you. I am so happy. I had to go back in my memory for this one. What a great update welcome back.

[michelle_19781997]

I'm so happy you're back. Your stories were always some of the best out there.

[somethingeasy]

Oh WOW, Kris, I am ecstatic that you’ve chosen to come back to Chlex again. I’ve loved your fics, and I always mourned the fact that the Forum lost one of it’s strongest (and hottest) writers the day you decided to leave. I’m really glad that you’ve decided to take up this fic again and complete it. It’s a very gut-wrenching, emotionally traumatizing story… and I LOVE a good measure of angst, anguish and trauma inside any fic. Add in a good measure of self-loathing from Lex, and my day is made, LOL!

I read through the chapters preceding this one, and I am enthralled by the plot line that has been built up so far. I did mention that I love to see characters suffering? Which means that, even as I was cringing, I revelled in the way that Chloe has been emotionally (and physically) neglected, beaten, violated and traumatized to the point where she’s almost completely lost her spirit as well as her will to live. The idea of CHLOE having that exuberant spark nearly snuffed out of her… it’s enough to make any reader weep.

The rape scene was brutal, Kris! I loved how you made it clear that Chloe did NOT ‘enjoy it’ even the slightest bit. It was horrible, brutal, violent and agonizingly painful for her. It’s really no wonder that Chloe ended up nearly emotionally deadened from the experience… not only the rape itself, but also the fact that NO-ONE noticed or comforted her after her trauma. The poor thing!

I also really enjoyed how even Lex felt such horrendous trauma and self-hatred once he remembered everything that had happened. It’s going to be interesting to see how he manages to balance out his longing and desire to be with Chloe against his wish to keep her safe and happy (logic dictates, his presence will only bring her misery and harm).

He made sure he was sitting behind his desk by the time his butler showed her into his office. If he couldn't invade her personal space, maybe the urges to touch her and breathe in her scent wouldn't be as strong.

He'd always been very good at immersing himself in denial.

He wondered why the tactic was failing him now.

No. He knew why.

He had been in love with her, and still might be if he let himself get close enough to her to rekindle those feelings.

In love with a woman he'd hurt badly enough that she would never love him back.

The prospect was terrifying.

I loved how the chapter started with Lex battling away his extreme, desperate desire for Chloe while at the same time in complete and utter despair about being in love with a woman who would never return his feelings. I love seeing Lex when he’s desperately longing for something (or someone) that he knows he knows he’s NEVER going to get…

LOL! I especially liked the self-assessment he made about his tendency to throw himself into denial. I think it’s that same sense of denial that will have him try to push for a relationship with Chloe even though logic, reason, sanity and common-sense will keep telling him it’s HOPELESS! Oh, this is going to be GOOD!

It was a great plot twist to give Chloe an ‘out’ from this town in the shape of a long-lost biological father. Although it made me scream to imagine some upstart usurper coming out of the woodwork to tell Chloe Sullivan that her beloved father was not actually her ‘real dad’. I felt so BAD for both Chloe and Gabe… especially for Gabe. His wife left him for another man, and now he finds out that this ‘other man’ is trying to lay claim on Chloe as well. How awful!

I really enjoyed how Chloe broke the news of her moving to Lex… and his mind immediately started listing out all kinds of ridiculous, frantic explanations about WHY that was happening. It was a pretty good guess for him to think that Moira Sullivan was involved somehow, although he didn’t guess the specifics quite right.

He didn't want her to move, for obvious reasons, but he couldn't deny that she would be a dozen times safer living anywhere else.

Hell, war zones were safer than Smallville.

Heh, this IS something that Lex is going to find hard to argue and fight against. On one hand, he needs Chloe to stay close to him, because he loves her and… well… he just needs her. But on the other hand, what kind of a selfish bastard would he be if he tried to manipulate or force Chloe into staying in a town with the mortality rate of a war zone?

“The whole thing's really messed up,” she said and then sighed. “Anyway, Mr. Holcombe apparently has connections—” She made air quotes as she said the word. “—and he's talking to the FBI right now to see if they'll let me just record video testimony so I can leave sooner.”

ooooh, the idea of a video testimony is a GOOD one. Actually it’s something that should have been done before. Perhaps I’m wrong, but I think a video testimony actually gains more weight and legal relevance if a witness is somehow killed anytime between making the video and the trial. Lionel wouldn’t dare to hurt Chloe while there’s a video of her statement ready to go on for his trial… not unless he wants to give her video the relevance of a ‘dying statement’.

Lex didn't think he was gaping, but he wouldn't have been surprised to find out he was. He felt like he'd taken a sucker punch to the gut – or several, he reflected with an inner wince – and the body's first reaction to that would be to open his mouth to let his groan of breath out.

The second would be to immediately curl in upon itself in sort of a standing fetal position.

I LOVED this! I loved seeing the visceral PAIN that has come over Lex when he hears that Chloe is going to be ‘leaving him’. I loved the description about how it was like a ‘sucker-punch to the gut’. Fantastic, Kris!

“Bio-Dad,” she said, her language slipping into the snarky vocabulary he was more familiar hearing from her.

Too familiar.

Comfortably familiar.

The ache that squeezed his heart and threatened to lodge his stomach up into his throat actually eased a little when she spoke that way to him. It meant she was relaxed in his presence.

It meant that maybe, just maybe, she'd forgiven him even though he would never be able to forgive himself.

LOL! I also enjoyed her snarky ‘Bio-Dad’ quip. I wonder whether Gregory minds that term. But I think it’s great that Chloe is making a point of distinguishing between her dad and ‘Bio-Dad’.

Heh, and I also loved the way that Lex is clutching at any straw or indication that Chloe might be able to forgive him. Even a spark of her old sense of humour in his presence has given him such HUGE hope, relief and happiness. Heh, he’s determined to grasp onto any sign of possible reconciliation that he can see… no matter how small and seemingly insignificant.

Right. But he'd always assumed she would go to one of the universities in Metropolis; chase her dream of becoming a reporter for the Daily Planet on her own merits instead of his father's influence.

I suppose this is something that both Gabe and Chloe are using to comfort themselves. But the truth is that there’s a WORLD of difference between her leaving to go off to college, and her leaving to go off with ‘another father’. Poor Gabe!

It WAS very interesting to see how Lex was devastated by the idea of Chloe going off to England instead of Metropolis. It seems like, despite his knowledge that his presence is probably NOT something that Chloe would welcome, he STILL had plans (at the back of his head) to seek out her company in Smallville as well as in Metropolis. Heh, I guess he always knew that he wouldn’t be able to keep a ‘respectful distance’ from her for too long.

“Is that what you consider me? A friend?”

Not a manipulative bastard or a drug-addled rapist?

Even just being considered an associate would have cheered him immensely.

But a friend.

He hadn't even dared hope for that; not after he recovered bits and pieces of his memory that suggested she had every reason to despise him.

Heh, like I mentioned… he’s clutching at whatever straws and signs he can get. Chloe gave an off-hand comment about them being friends, and he POUNCED on that casual comment like it was a life preserver. LOL! You can see he’s already building himself up, ready to start wooing her… convincing himself that he stands a chance at earning her love and desire as WELL as he forgiveness.

“So why didn't you tell me what I did to you when I was under the effects of the drugs my father was feeding me?”

He couldn't say 'rape'. Not out loud.

It was hard enough to come to terms with it in his own mind, and honestly, he wasn't sure he had completely.

Not yet.

Oh dear heavens! He actually brought it up! He addressed this huge, nasty, monstrous ‘thing’ between them. Wow! He’s actually a great deal braver than I would have imagined… OR a great deal more desperate. I guess he’s hoping that they might be able to deal and move past this, if they start by talking about it.

Chloe's lips parted, but she quickly closed them and scrambled out of her seat. She didn't rush to the door, though. In fact, she didn't try to leave at all.

Instead, she put distance between them by walking over to the window – a tremendous display of her part, considering what had happened to her there years before.

Poor Chloe! I can’t imagine how frightening it must be for her… to have that issues brought up in THIS particular place. This is probably the worst place to being up those memories… Lex will probably be beating himself up for being an idiot for not thinking before he brought up this topic… over HERE of all places!

He didn't tell her that the emotions he'd felt while viewing it inside his head were nothing like the ones he vaguely recalled he felt from when he assaulted her in reality. His fantasy had been much more loving than the actual experience, and he doubted she would appreciate hearing about his emotions when she had been subjected to the worst of them.

hmmm, actually I think it will help Chloe to hear about these ‘gentle, tender, loving fantasies’… although not right now, not while the wound is still so stark and fresh.

I’d love to see how the rest of this conversation continues in future chapters. I look forward to reading them, Kris. Good luck!

Hmmm, I don’t suppose I can also convince you to get started on the sequel to the Chruce/Chlex fic ‘The Deal’, can I? pretty please?

Anyhow, welcome back to the Forum. It’s fantastic to see you here again, and I am SO pleased that you’re started writing Chlex again!

[lj715]

How did I miss this update? SO glad you returned , excellent update.

[txalb]

I have to say that it took me a couple seconds of looking at the new post to figure out where I'd heard of the story before... and then I shrieked like a little girl. This was a great update and I hope your Chloe/Lex muse doesn't abandon you again. Thanks for writing.

[lilinny]

I can't believe you're back!! I'm so happy! You wrote some great strories back then and this story is no different. This story is so heart wrenching. I can't wait for more. If I hadn't said it yet, welcome back!!

[sbrown1016]

I am sooooo glad to see you writing again. Your stories got me hooked on chlex oh so long ago.

[TabbyG]

I can't wait until this story is updated. I want to know how Lex will react when the Sullivans leave Smallville. That might be an epic argument especially when both of Chloe's father's find out she is "invloved" with Lex Luthor.

[starmoon]

more please write more i can't wait to find out what lex does next.

[gecko]

such an amazing update after so long, i love the fact that chloe and lex are talking about what happened between them and that chloe has told him what's going on in her life and him not hearing it through the grapevine. great work, can't wait for the next part and how chloe answers lex's question.