A/N: remember when I put a angst warning before chapter 7? Well, it was nothing compared to this one...
*
Chapter 10: Breaking the rule
Three months later
“But we watched it yesterday!”
“No, we didn’t.”
Lex read the title again and raised his eyebrows.
“Right. I think I’ll need a translation then... doesn’t ‘Back to the future’ mean ‘Back to the future’? ‘Cause I’m pretty sure it does, and yesterday, we watched something called ‘Back to the future’.”
Chloe chuckled. She knew they were going to watch it anyway, Lex always let her pick the movie. Although if she was totally honest, she didn’t really care about the movie as long as he was here with her. She frowned at this thought. She’d decided that tonight... she shook her head. Better not to think about it.
“Yep. You’re a genius. Except yesterday we watched ‘Back to the future’. And this is ‘Back to the future 2’. See the difference? One, two. One is different from two. Are you still with me or is it too difficult for you?”
“So I take it tomorrow we’ll be watching ‘Back to the future 3’.”
“Here goes my plan to surprise you!”
“What’s so great about that film anyway?”
“Two words: Steven Spielberg.”
“Yeah... say you just wanna see Michael J. Fox in tight jeans.”
“Damn, you caught me!”
Lex smirked and put the DVD on, then he sat down on the couch and motioned for Chloe to sit next to him. He put an arm around her shoulders as she snuggled closer to him and she let her head rest against his chest, letting out a contented sigh. It was one of the few things she enjoyed as much as sex with him: just let him hold her.
Two days after she’d come to his office, they’d decided they had nothing to hide and they’d told their friends they were together. Lana had jumped everywhere and told everyone she knew, a knowing smile had appeared on Clark’s lips, making Chloe wonder what he knew that she didn’t, and Pete had almost had a heart attack, but he hadn’t said anything, and for that she’d be eternally grateful. As for her Dad... well, as usual, he’d approved. He approved everything that could make his daughter happy anyway.
Lex smiled when he felt Chloe chuckle next to him. He was sure she knew the dialogues as well as the actors did, but that didn’t matter, she still laughed as much as the first time when Brown explained paradoxes, and she still cried as much as the first time when Marty found out his father was dead. He found he enjoyed watching movies with her, it was refreshing, and he got to spend time with her. He saw her hold back a yawn and asked her if she wanted to stop.
“Are you kidding? And miss the part where he sees his past self?”
He just smiled. He knew she was exhausted, and he couldn’t help but feel guilty about that. She still worked hard on the Torch, staying late, she had school, and since they were together, she spent most of her free time at the mansion, going home late at night and leaving early in the morning. That is when they weren’t in Metropolis to visit a museum, go to the theatre or simply drive around commenting on how the city was growing bigger each month.
When the end credits rolled on the screen, Chloe raised her head, but she was too tired to move, so she just decided she’d stay like that a bit longer.
“Did you tell your Dad you were going back home tonight?”
“Yeah. Why?”
“Well, it’s Saturday. You don’t have school tomorrow, you can stay here if you want. I’m going to call him.”
She smiled tiredly.
“Thanks Lex.”
He nodded, got out of her embrace, placed a pillow under her head and went to the phone. When he came back, he saw she was already half asleep. Smiling softly, he took her in his arms and carried her to his bedroom. He gently laid her down on the bed and took off her clothes. When she felt a hand run down her leg, she opened her eyes.
“Sorry, didn’t mean to wake you.”
“It’s ok.”
He handed her one of his t-shirts and she pulled it over her head, smiling when his scent invaded her. He was already wearing the sweatpants he wore to go to bed. He climbed on the bed next to her. When she saw his soft smile, she suddenly remembered what she’d decided. She hesitated for a second, then she took a deep breath, feeling her heart pound furiously in her chest.
“Lex... I... There’s something I need to tell you.”
Surprised to hear the nervousness in her voice, he frowned.
“Can’t it wait until tomorrow?”
“No. If I don’t do it now, I don’t think I’ll ever...” She paused and shook her head. “Anyway, promise me you won’t freak out.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. Just promise me.”
“Chloe...”
“Lex...” she shot back, matching his tone.
He nodded.
“Alright, I promise.”
She swallowed hard and whispered:
“I love you.”
There, she’d said it. Not daring to look into his eyes, she stared at her hands, waiting and dreading his reaction. She knew she was taking a risk by telling him how she felt. It had always been clear: no love in their relationship... but she needed to get it out. She needed him to know. It was killing her to keep it to herself. He could reject her for breaking the rule they had both agreed on, that wouldn’t change the fact that she was in love with him.
It seemed the only thing he could do was blink. Then he shook his head in a vain attempt to clear his thought. Had he really heard what he had? Yes he had. He could deny it all he wanted, but he had. Fuck! It wasn’t supposed to be that way. She wasn’t supposed to fall in love with him. And he wasn’t supposed to care enough to want to comfort her for the fact that he didn’t love her back. He loved spending time with her, he loved watching movies with her, he loved speaking with her, he loved having sex with her, but he wasn’t in love with her... He got out from under the sheets and sat on the edge of the bed.
Hearing him move, she finally looked up at him only to see him turning his back to her. She could feel the tears gathering in her eyes. Shaking her head, she furiously blinked them away.
“Lex... you promised you wouldn’t freak out.”
Not looking at her, he answered:
“I’m not freaking out. I just...” and for the first time in his life, he was at a loss for words.
When she understood he wasn’t going to finish his sentence, Chloe only nodded once, willing herself to be brave. She knew what this meant. It was over. Despite the rational part of her that knew he didn’t love her, she had hoped. She hadn’t even allowed herself to think about this hope, but it had been there. And it had just been taken away.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have told you. I knew you’d be mad at me.”
Those words seemed to snap him out of his trance and he turned towards her. When he saw she was still avoiding eye contact, he put a finger under her chin and forced her to look at him. Emotion made his voice hoarser than usual when he spoke.
“Chloe, I could never be mad at you. And I could never ever be mad at you for loving me. I wish I could make it easier for you. I wish you didn’t love me, but only because I know I’m going to hurt you. I... God! I’m so sorry Chloe. I care about you, more than you know, but...”
“But you don’t love me” she finished.
“I’m sorry.”
She nodded, trying not to let the tears fall down her cheeks.
“So am I.”
He hesitated, then asked:
“Can I hold you, Chloe?”
When she closed her eyes and shook her head, he felt his heart constrict.
“Let me make it better for you. Please.”
Her first thought was ‘you can’t’. Her second thought was ‘well... he finally said please.’ Reluctantly, she gave in. He put an arm around her shoulders and pulled her to him. When he began gently stroking her hair and whispering soothing words right next to her ear, she finally let the tears roll and the sobs shake her body and she buried her face in his chest. Long minutes later, she fell asleep in his arms, exhausted, her forehead burning, her eyes red, and her heart broken.
He held her close as he laid back on the mattress. It was a long time before he drifted off to sleep. His mind was too busy trying to find how he could make her feel better. Busy wishing he had been with her the bastard people thought he was. That way, she wouldn’t have fallen in love with him. And most of all busy cursing himself for hurting her.
*
TBC…
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