Title: Last Night Was Horrible...
Author: ColumbiaBlue
RatingG-13/R
Disclaimer: I’m a poor college student. I don’t own nuttin’.
Pairing: Chlex established friendship, UST
Summary: Challenge fic. Read it. It’s funny. I laughed. I never laugh at my own stuff.
Feedback: Feedback whore, remember?
AN: Here’s my first attempt at a sorta challenge fic provided by RoseAnn (BlushingRose). I had most of it written a couple days ago and then I went to finish it and my stupid computer froze so I lost ALL of it and had to begin again. Grrr. Anyhoo, this takes place five years after Chloe and Co. graduated. Chloe’s the editor of her very own magazine and lives in Metropolis. Also, this is loosely based on the movie ‘When Harry Met Sally.’ Chloe and Lex are buddies, yada, yada, yada.
Oh yeah, Oliver, the little sneak that he is, stuck himself in here too.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Last Night Was Terrible... Part One
Chloe was ripped out of her sleep by the shrill ringing of her doorbell. She groaned, rolled onto her back, and stuffed the pillow over her face. There was *no* way in hell she was getting up to answer the door at nine a.m. on her day off. Nope. No siree Bob. Besides, he had a phone, why couldn’t he use it like a normal human?
Her next thought was that she must have done something to piss someone up there off because her phone began to ring along with her doorbell. She bolted upright and threw her pillow across the room. He was going to die a very slow and painful death.
Chloe reached over and grabbed the phone off her bedside table, clicking it on. “Asshole. Pissant. Fuckwit. And a whole bunch of other colorful names I can’t think or right now.”
“Hello Sunshine.” Lex greeted.
Chloe scowled. She could practically *hear* his smirk. Oh yes. He was SO going to pay! “Go away,” she grumbled, flopping back down on to her bed.
“Open your door.”
“No,” she pouted, grabbing her comforter and pulling it over her head.
“I’ve got coffee.”
She froze. Had he just said something about coffee? Hmmm... Think so! Maybe if she stayed really still and quiet he’d mention it again.
“Chloe, you listening?” Lex asked after a few moments of silence.
“No Lex, the breathing you hear on this end is me not listening to you. So, did you say something about coffee?”
“Yes. From Oliver’s.”
Chloe sat up again, tossing the covers aside. “The vanilla kind?”
“Mm-hmm. With whipped cream.” Lex replied.
Chloe scrambled off her bed and threw on her robe over her camisole and shorts, not even bothering to tie it shut, and then stopped. “And sprinkles?”
“The rainbow kind.”
Chloe let out a little squeal and opened her bedroom door, scampering down the hallway and to the front door, then stopped again. “Anything else?”
“Jeeze Sullivan, I bring you a vanilla coffee thing with whipped cream *and* rainbow sprinkles, and you want more?”
“Yes.” She stood on her tip toes and looked through the peep hole. Lex was standing in front of her door, cell phone held to his ear by his shoulder, a to-go cup in one hand and a brown paper bag in the other. “You have a bag.”
“Yes I do.”
“What’s in it?”
“A chocolate chip muffin. Also from Oliver’s.”
With that, Chloe hung up the phone and tossed it onto the couch. She unlocked her door, flung it open, grabbed Lex by his way too expensive tie, and dragged him into her apartment, taking the cup and bag from him in the process.
“Oh coffee, I love you so.” She pulled off the lid and inhaled as the aroma hit her senses. “You are the reason I live.”
“Thank you Lex for bringing me breakfast. Oh, your welcome Chloe. It was no trouble,” he mumbled sarcastically.
“Okay, talking to yourself I can handle. But when you start to have actual conversations, that’s where I draw the line.” Chloe flopped down on to the couch her muffin from the bag. She looked around for a moment as if she were confused and then put her muffin back in the bag. “Plate. I need a plate.” She got back up and went into the connecting kitchen.
Lex laughed at the blonde’s antics and sat down on the couch, surveying Chloe’s apartment. Being the founder and editor of one of Metropolis’ most popular women’s magazines had earned Chloe a good amount of money. Her three bedroom apartment was bigger than most single-family homes and furnished in modern but classy furniture.
Although, at the moment, you couldn’t actually tell because of the mess. Clothes and shoes were strewn everywhere, newspapers and magazines were scattered on almost every surface available, Chloe’s lap top sat on the coffee table with notebooks stacked next to it, papers sticking out. But Chloe down right refused a cleaning service, or a wait staff of any sort.
“What happened in here? Hurricane Chloe?” Lex asked as Chloe came back into the living room with a tub of ice cream and a table spoon.
“Don’t criticize my mess unless you’d like you become a part of it,” she replied pointing the spoon at him and flopping down on the couch. She pried open the lid to the ice cream and began eating.
“What about your muffin?” Lex picked up the bag and held it in front of her.
Chloe looked at it for a moment and then scrunched up her nose, shaking her head. “I changed my mind. I need ice cream.”
“At nine a.m.?”
“Yes,” she nodded, picking up her coffee cup and taking a sip.
“Ice cream and coffee? You are one strange little button Chloe.”
“Hey, don’t get me started on your eating habits ‘Mr. I’ll-have-half-a-grapefruit-thank-you. And I’m SO not in to mood to get into one of our little verbal sparring things right now. So if you’re going to start, leave me and my tub of ice cream alone. Kay?” She snapped.
Lex raised a concerned eyebrow at her. Mood-swing alert. “What’s bothering you?” He asked softly, starting to wrap him arm around her shoulder.
Chloe swatted at the arm that was violating her personal space and moved to sit on the arm of the couch, feet resting on the seat. “Right now, the entire male population of the world,” she replied.
“What? Why?” He shifted around to look at her.
“Last night was horrible...”
“Why, what was last night?”
Chloe shot him an annoyed look and sank back down onto the couch, tucking her feet under her. “My ‘date’ with that man you set me up with. Remember?”
“Oh yeah, George Andrews. How’d it go?”
“It was a nightmare. Remind me to kill you later once I’m done with the self-pity parade, kay?”
“He seemed perfect for you though.”
“Aside from the really bad things, which I’m actively ignoring-he was!” Chloe exclaimed sarcastically, waving her spoon around. “And the next time you decide to play matchmaker for me, don’t. That was quite possibly the *worst* date I have ever been on.”
“But you only had one date with him. How do you know it’s not gonna get worse?”
“How much worse can it get than after finishing dinner, having him reach over, pull a hair from my head, and start flossing with it at the table?!”
Lex’s eyes widened. “He flossed with a strand of your hair?”
“Yes!”
“Okay, that’s pretty bad.”
“Ya think. And then he was actually surprised when I said no to his offer of going back to his place and having sex.”
“He asked you to have sex with him?” Lex exclaimed. Oooh, George’s head was gonna roll.
“Yes.”
“Well I apologize for him Chloe. I honestly had no idea that George was such a-”
“Sick and twisted fuck?” Chloe interrupted, setting her tub of ice cream on the coffee table.
Lex laughed. “Well I was going to say ‘pig’ but that works too.”
Chloe flopped over on to her side and threw her arm over her eyes. “I’m gonna be single for the rest of my life. Out of a city with a population of three million, you would think that I would be able to find *one* decent guy. Just one! But nooo. I’m a magnet for all meteor freaks and weirdos.”
Lex leaned over her and tucked her hair behind her ear. “Don’t say that Chloe. You’ll find the right person someday. And if you don’t, I’ll marry you.”
“Yeah, cause that always ends well. You and marriage...er sorry.” Chloe trailed off sheepishly.
“Well it is true.”
Chloe manuvered onto her side, and propped herself up with her elbow. “You know, everyone keeps saying that. How the right person will come along and everything. But you wanna know what I think? I think my ‘someone’ took a wrong turn somewhere and is too damn stubborn to ask for directions. Or he got hit by a truck. Either way, it still doesn’t look good for me.”
Lex sighed and stood up. “Alright. Enough with the self-pity. I’m taking you out. So get up, take a shower, put on some clothes and do whatever it is that you do to make yourself so damn adorable.”
“But I don’t wanna.”
“Tough.”
Chloe sat up and gave Lex a wry look. “Who died and made YOU Darth Vader?”
“Oh so you’re gonna be difficult are you? Okay then, we’ll just have to do this the hard way.”
“What hard way-woah!” Chloe let out a squeal as Lex hauled her off the couch and over his shoulders. “Oh that hard way.”
Lex went down the hallway and to Chloe’s room, opening the door. “Christ Sullivan, your room is worse then the rest of your place.”
“What did I tell you about criticizing my mess?”
Lex went over to her bed and plopped Chloe down onto it. “I’m getting you a maid for your birthday.”
“I don’t want a maid. I’ll feel like a snot... So where are you taking me?”
“Go and make yourself presentable to the world and I’ll tell you.”
Chloe got up off her bed and went into her connecting bathroom, grumbling along the way. Nearly an hour later she emerged fully dressed in jeans and a black v-neck sweater, hair styled, and make-up done.
“Well there’s the Chloe Sullivan I know.”
She smiled and struck a pose. “Yes, I know. I’m back. Now tell me where you’re taking me.”
Lex held out his arm to her and she took it and allowed him to lead her out of her bedroom.
“We are going out drinking.”
“Drinking? It’s not even noon yet!”
“So?” Lex shrugged.
“We can’t go drinking at 11:30!”
“Why not? You’re doing your little self-pity thing about how you’re still single which makes me do the self-pity thing cause *I’m* still single and I’m gonna be 30 in two years.”
“Lex you don’t do the ‘self-pity’ thing.”
“Yes I do. So, in honor of our self-pity marathon, we’re going to go and get smashed.”
“Only alcoholics drink in the morning. Can’t we just go to Oliver’s and eat? Like normal people?”
Lex sighed dramatically. “If we must. But we’re still going drinking later tonight.”
TBC... (shortly, I promise)
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