Dying Breed
Rating: Hard R (Very strong suicide imagery, language and death)
Disclaimer: Smallville and its characters are not mine.
Category: Short Story, Angst/Drama
Spoilers: Slight recall to Scare (Season 4) otherwise, this is a product of my own dark working
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chloe dressed quickly, seated on the smallest corner of Lex’s massive bed. The argument hadn’t ended in bed, as so many others often had. This time there was no pacification in their midst. She understood the workings of her own mind.
“I can’t just let you go,” he insisted, rapidly dressing as well.
“This isn’t something you can fix, Lex. Something’s breaking inside of me….inside of my perception and thoughts. It’s not something that can cure or can heal. It’s only going to get worse.”
The voices have started and with them the ringing of the knell.
“Chloe, you can get help. I’ll be right there.”
“But you won’t,” she said, her face a mask of calm resolution. “You can support me, but you really won’t be there. Only I will. I just don’t want you - or anyone – to see me when I-“
When I can no longer pretend it is exhaustion or depression.
“-finally come undone,” she finished. Lex hurriedly threw his shirt on and grabbed her by the arm. “What are you trying to say - that we should all just give up hope because there is no cure?”
She used every source of resolve at her disposal to not break down into tears before him. “I’m just saying that when the time comes…….the next move will be mine to make.”
Grabbing her roughly by both shoulders, he brought her face within an inch of his own. “No. I understand perfectly what you’re saying and I’m not going to allow it.”
“Listen to what I’m saying, Lex,” she said, tears rising as her voice broke, ”it’s not a question of if…….it’s an issue of when. When I finally start to lose – when I can no longer be the person you see before you now, I just don’t want to live. It’ll mark the start of a living death.”
“Don’t you realize I love you, Chloe? Have the past weeks meant nothing to you?”
“They’ve……meant everything to me,” she said, crying as she looked away from him. “But I cannot….I won’t let you watch me go insane. I could never put you through that hell.”
“It’s my choice.”
“It’s mine to make, Lex, not yours and I’ve already made it.”
“No!” he yelled, hugging her to him forcibly, “no, I can’t. I can’t just let you go die in the streets like an abandoned dog. If I have to imprison you here with me, I’ll do that.”
“Then I’ll find a way here,” she said wearily, trying to free herself. “There’s no prison you can forge for me that’s stronger than the one already awaiting me. I choose to not inhabit either one.”
Breaking free of him, she rose and placed her hand on the door knob. Lex grabbed her and threw her on the bed, pinning her shoulders down with his hands.
“You will not leave until I convince you.”
“It’s too late for that, Lex. We can stay here for as long as you want, but what’s going to happen isn’t at your beck and call. There isn’t an order to desist you can bark at me to make me change my mind.”
Lex released her as he rose to his feet. Watching her as she sat up, he shook his head in utter frustration and despair. Chloe covered her face with her hands and began to wail as he knelt to comfort her.
“I love you, Lex. I wish we had more time.”
“We have all the time in the world, if you’ll just it be.”
But we don’t, only you don’t know that.
Rising to her feet, she turned her back to Lex and grabbed a heavy desktop clock, holding it firmly to her chest. “I have to go, Lex.”
“As I already said,” Lex insisted on the bed, “you’re not going anywhere until we-“
He made no other sound or motion as Chloe knocked him out cold, courtesy of his Tiffany’s desk clock, the shattered, broken pieces falling around him as he fell onto his back.
“I’m sorry,” she muttered, taking his keys from his belt and running out of the bedroom.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
She made her way to Lex’s apartment in Metropolis, barely aware of the road she drove on. Despite every self-defense mechanism she’d previously held steadfast, there was no fight left in her any longer. All she wanted was to stop the sounds trapped within her own head, even if stopping the noise meant ending her own existence.
Opening the lock with Lex’s keys, she tossed them carelessly on the entryway side table and re-locked the door. Plucking the note out of her inner jacket pocket, she placed the creased vanilla envelope underneath the keys and lay her jacket neatly on a nearby armchair.
Grabbing her purse, she began to empty out the contents. A bottle of Jack Daniel’s, two bottles of pills, black powder, a spoon, a lighter, syringe and candle lay spread out on the living room floor. It was her final insanity – overkill, she thought blackly.
I take a pint of whiskey
And crack open it’s lid
Despite her revulsion for the taste, she drank as much of it as she could as she lit the oversize taper candle. Watching the flame, she remembered these past weeks, especially the happiness she’d finally found.
Lex. You were the thrill of what might have been.
She spilled the contents of both pill bottles on the floor, picking up a random few, shoving them down her throat and washing it down with the whiskey
I take a red and blue one
Flashes of red and orange blinked before her eyes as she placed some powder in the spoon and lay it to the side. With unfocused vision, she picked up another few pills and started inserting them into the whiskey bottle.
I wash ‘em down
With homemade wine
To see what kicks in first
Her head was spinning as she began to unsteadily heat the powder over the candle’s flame, using some of the whiskey blend to prepare the batch.
I take another needle
Black powder and a spoon
Taking the mixture and laying it to the side, she chugged the bottle one more time, pills and whiskey liberally rolling down her throat, poisoning her already dying form.
I set my sights on heaven
And shoot for the moon.
Chloe filled the syringe with as much of the heroin mixture as she could and injected it into her left arm. The pain was barely noticeable, as she began to sway left to right. Slapping herself, she willed herself to finish what could not be delayed.
I drink the bottle empty
Picking up the bottle, Chloe drew a deep breath as she brought it to her lips one final time, not stopping until it was empty of liquid and pills. Loudly, she tossed it across the room, where it shattered against the wall.
Something better must lie ahead. If I stretch out my hand, will I catch up to it?
She felt herself falling forwards and surrendered weakly to the motion. Lying on the ground, forehead first, she felt her heartbeat growing faint.
Stop already. Enough. It’s over. I’m ready to go.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Early dawn, her body was discovered by a panicked Lex, who followed the theft of his keys. Finding the note she’d left for him as he entered the apartment, he would never forget the image of her sad, broken body on the living room floor as he read the first few lines.
I take after my family
My fate’s the blood in me
No one grows old
In this household
We are a dying breed
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Music Credit:
“Dying Breed” copyright 2002, Louise Red Songs. Performed by Allison Moorer
Reply With Quote
hmy: *blubber* :crygreen: *blubbers some more*
Bookmarks