Knowing Where to Look, PG-13, (1/1)
Title: Knowing Where to Look
Rated: PG-13
Pairings: Chloe/Lex (unrequited Clark/Lex, Clark/Chloe)
Notes: Set sometime in season 4, no real spoilers though. Ya know, I have a dialogue only fic I'm about to post for this pairing, and eventually I might be able to combine the dialogue with the prose, what do you think? LOL. God.
[ knowing where to look ]
by kHo
It wasn’t supposed to turn into what it has, and she’s not entirely sure when it did, but it has.
It had started with a look, a touch. It started with Lana and Clark, leaving together, forever and always together. He’d looked at her, and she’d gotten so good at hiding it, but he’d seen it. He’d smiled at her, and she’d wondered why she’d never noticed how sweet his smiles could be, and asked her why she still let it hurt her. He hadn’t waited for her answer, hadn’t even wanted it, just brushed her hair back from her face and told her she was better than this. By the time she’d been able to speak, he was driving off, leaving her in the Talon with nothing but a cup of coffee and the faint scent of expensive cologne.
And really, it probably started even before then. It probably started when she went to him with the knowledge that would wind his father up in jail. It had most likely started when she’d sacrificed so much just by standing up for him, for herself. She’d done it because she was scared, and because it was wrong to let him go free when they had evidence, and because she was trying to pay some kind of debt. She was trying to get some sense of absolution for what she’d done to Clark. She’d hadn’t done it for him, but sometimes now she wishes she had.
Because that’s when she started to trust him. That’s when she really got to know who he was, what he was about. That’s when she started looking into his eyes for the truth and not his mouth. When she’d noticed the way those eyes flickered when he felt regret, how they shifted when he felt doubt. When she noticed how they dimmed when he was betrayed. She’d seen him betrayed so many times, but she’d never really noticed how much it affected him until she learned what it looked like to see his eyes when it happened.
There was no whirlwind romance, no confession, no dawning of realization. There was just her, showing up at his house more, talking to him more, smiling at him more. There was just him, reaching for her hand to help her up and lingering, looking into her eyes and holding her captive. There was just a kiss, out of the blue, for no reason at all. There was just a progression, a slow, steady progression, and when it led to his bed she’d woken up with his fingers in her hair and wondered how exactly it had happened. How exactly she hadn’t realized it was heading here.
It had started out because they had something in common. That need-- that terrible, awful, painful need-- to be loved. To be loved by someone, God, just anyone. Because she was sick of not having anyone to come home to. Not having anyone to hold her when she just needed to be held. Not because she was falling apart, not because she needed someone to hold her together, but just because. Because that’s what people that loved you did, and sometimes you just need to know that someone does.
And he’d had that too, that need, though she hadn’t fully understood it for a long time. She’d thought it was about never having been loved, not the way he wanted to be. She’d thought it was about having everyone he ever loved leave him, abandon him, sometimes even break him. She’d thought it was about his father, his sick and twisted version of paternal affection, his obsession with controlling him, with breaking him down till he couldn’t be put back together again. She’d thought it was about wanting what he’d never had.
It was, but that wasn’t all. Because he never said it, he never talked about it, never admitted it, but there were hints. Clues. Pieces of the puzzle laid out before her, never too much at a time, never too close together, but this is what she does. This is who she is. She sees things for what they are, recognizes them for what they aren’t. She connects the dots, draws the conclusions. It’s part of her, it’s what makes her alive, it’s what she breathes for.
She studied the aborted sentences, the half-truths betrayed by eyes that couldn’t meet hers. Looks lingering on Clark even longer than hers had. The way the light in his eyes died when Clark’s lies kept piling up between them. It took her a while to notice, a few months to really get it, but she eventually realized that it all came down to Clark. For both of them. Clark, who never knew when someone was in love with him. Who never knew how much he could hurt them with just a look, just a laugh, just a thoughtless phrase thrown out.
They only talked about it once, in the middle of the night, his fingers fisted in her hair tighter than she thinks he realized. She hadn’t bothered with being subtle, choosing instead to ask him, point blank, how long he’d been in love with Clark. He’d looked at her, and she’d watched his mouth work over a few rebuffs, seen the immediate denial in his eyes before they finally dimmed in resignation. He didn’t even say it outloud, just shrugged and let her draw her own conclusions. She’d curled into him and said she didn’t think he meant to hurt him. He’d said of course he didn’t, but it didn’t erase the pain. She thought she could feel his tears in her hair but she’d closed her eyes to it.
She knows it’s probably not healthy, building a relationship build off of mutual hurt. It’s probably not the best foundation for a love affair, turning to each other to erase the hurt caused by someone else. But it works. It helps. She thinks maybe it would have led to this anyway. Maybe they’d been building up to this since she was 15, interviewing her first multi-billionaire for a school paper read by few and hated by many. Maybe this thing started off because of Clark, but they could write their own future.
Because somewhere along the line, she really had fallen in love with Lex, and if she’s as good at reading him as she thinks she’s become, he has too. So for once she decides not to question it, not to investigate it. She decides to sit back and take it for what it is, see where the chips fall. She doesn’t press him when he won’t talk, doesn’t ask him what happened when his kisses are too rushed, his hands too rough. She doesn’t ask him, because she already knows.
She doesn’t ask him, because his mouth was never what she relied on anyway. It was always in his eyes, you just had to know where to look.
Re: Knowing Where to Look, PG-13, (1/1)
Quote:
Originally Posted by kHo
It had started out because they had something in common. That need-- that terrible, awful, painful need-- to be loved. To be loved by someone, God, just anyone. Because she was sick of not having anyone to come home to. Not having anyone to hold her when she just needed to be held. Not because she was falling apart, not because she needed someone to hold her together, but just because. Because that’s what people that loved you did, and sometimes you just need to know that someone does.
This was my favourite part because I think that even strong and independent people like CHloe and Lex need a place, or a person where they can be weak. Somewhere that they don't need to have the defences up all the time. It is scary , because once you let someone in they know you, they know where to look to know the truth about you. Just like Chloe now knows about Lex, and I'm sure he knows her the same way as well. Wonderfull story I hope it's not the end.
Re: Knowing Where to Look, PG-13, (1/1)
Re: Knowing Where to Look, PG-13, (1/1)
great story sad though. i am glad they are together and i hope chloe and lex will find all the happniess with one another that they deserve.
Re: Knowing Where to Look, PG-13, (1/1)
Quote:
Originally Posted by
kHo
She doesn’t ask him, because his mouth was never what she relied on anyway. It was always in his eyes, you just had to know where to look.
Loved that part the most
Re: Knowing Where to Look, PG-13, (1/1)
