Earth And Dust Repose (G)
Title: Earth and Dust Repose (1-2/2)
Author: Humbuggirl
Email: humbuggirl@hotmail.com
URL: http://www.geocities.com/peacefulempress/home.html or http://www.geocities.com/oddfiction
Pairing: Lex/Chloe
Rating: 12 – to be on the safe side. Mention of sexual situations and violence.
Spoilers: None.
Summary: A brief insight into a relationship. Set several years in the future.
Disclaimer: Okay so I haven’t had the chance to come up with a proper disclaimer yet so you’ll have to put up with the basic ‘none of the characters belong to me, this is a non-profit piece of work just written for fun with praise directed at the creators of Smallville’ kinda thing.
Distribution: Okay I’ve had to add this since I recently came across one of my fics on a site where I had no knowledge of it being posted. In most cases I don’t mind having my fic archived on a site but I do like to know in advance where its going to be posted so that I can ensure things like a disclaimer, author accreditation and such like as present. So, if you want to archive the fic please email me first.
Author’s Notes: 1) the title comes from the lyrics to the song in the fic although this is not a song fic. 2) this was written about three o’clock in the morning so mistakes are going to crop up. I’ve tried to clean them up as much as I can but some are ingrained.
Feedback: As always yes please.
1.
She smiled sweetly across the room
Through the lunch time smoke
And I loved her for a second
And discarded the queen and I know
How sweetness turns sour
And leaves they turn to brown
And then to earth and dust
And settle in this town
You get blown away
‘Get Blown Away’ ~ Ocean Colour Scene
Moonlight seemed to dance off every surface. It filtered down through the Los Angeles sky line and for once lost nothing of its magic. Although Lex knew it couldn’t possibly be as strong here, years of human error in polluting the planet having seen to that, he was still reminded of long nights in Kansas so long ago now that he almost wonders whether the memories are just fantasy. Those few happy years he had in the ‘going nowhere’ capital of the world often seem that way to him now they wer viewed in retrospect. Lex often found himself wondering whether he was really that young man, so surprisingly naïve in spite of who he was become. When did that troubled boy die?
He pushed hands deep into the pockets of his dark tailored slacks to stop them from fidgeting or running once again over his hairless scalp. The gesture was a nervous one and so could not be allowed. In this day and age Lex knew that it wouldn’t take a fortune or a miracle to grow back his curly locks but he now maintained his bald appearance out of choice. In a world where his money, even his name, would buy Lex anything he wanted the billionaire’s different, some said strange, appearance unnerved his contemporaries who were men that chose to remain faceless in the business world they all occupied. The fact amused Lex as did the momentary craze for the fully shaven look that had accompanied his rise to power. The stigma of his childhood was now an unexpected asset in adulthood. He often wondered how many of his school mates now sat and thought about how their lives might have been different if they had tried to befriend him rather than harass him.
The urge to turn filled him as the sound of the door opening came from the opposite side of the room. Lex resisted already knowing who the new arrival was, that it was the owner of the apartment he was waiting in. For some reason, one which he didn’t care to try and explain to himself, he could always tell when it was her. Already the room seemed warmer; more welcoming to him and Lex felt some of the tension in his body slip away. Suddenly the thought filled his head that he shouldn’t be here but no guilt or worry accompanied it. Ultimately he knew it made no difference. After all, he had been thinking the same thing ever since he boarded the plane in Metropolis last night and it hadn’t stopped him then so he wasn’t going to let him stop now.
“You’re here,” a quiet voice said. Keys jangled and clattered as they were dropped onto some surface and a horrid yellow glow filled the room behind him as the speaker turned on a lamp. Lex blinked away the bright spots that appeared before his eyes at the sudden intrusion. There was a slight rustle of clothing as he declined to reply and a small figure drew to a halt beside him. “What are you looking at?” she asked looking beyond him and into the night.
Perfume like jasmine filled the air about him and Lex drew in a deep breath of it so that he might never forget. A hand gently touched his silk covered arm and the man let his own hands fall from his pockets in a gesture of acknowledgement. “Lex?” she asked again and this time there that something about her voice that told him of her concern.
Turning to face her Lex took in the sight of the small blonde woman and savoured it. She hadn’t changed. Not really anyway. Her hair was a little longer than the last time he had seen her but it was still rich in colour and body and made up into a playful style that was purely her. Even after all this time she still managed to make him catch his breath simply by being in the same room. As he looked down at her there came a sparkle of satisfaction to her eyes as if the woman knew exactly what effect she was having on him and liked it. Taking a moment longer Lex let his eyes linger over her form noting the dust coating her boots and her rumpled casual clothing. There was something wonderful about looking on a person who wasn’t fawning to look their best for once just because he was near. “Jesus Chloe, how can you live in this hell hole?”
The blonde shrugged. “It’s not that bad. There’s pretty much everything I need within walking distance. I could live on a lot less. Hell, I have lived on a lot less.”
He allowed a small smile knowing she was deliberately trying to lighten the atmosphere. Chloe never had been able to stand any tenseness between them for long. She tried to of course, it was part of her reporter instincts to do so but she rarely achieved it for any significant duration. It was a quirk that Lex really didn’t mind. Bringing a hand up to her face he tenderly stroked her cheek with familiarity born of years of such touches.
After a moment of silent contemplation during which a rush of emotions ran over her features Chloe closed her eyes and leaned slightly against his hand. Letting out a long sigh of a mixture of contentment and relief she said, “I didn’t know whether you’d be here. I thought that maybe this year you wouldn’t…”
“I know,” he interrupted not wanting her to finish the sentence and bring the outside world into this room then leaned down to let his lips glide across hers.
He hadn’t been too sure himself. But this time had been the same as every other time. Each year he told himself that he wouldn’t come; that he wouldn’t seek her out and mess up her life all over again because that was basically what it came down to. In his mind he would tell himself over and over again that he was content with his lot, that there was nothing else that he could possibly need. After all he had many a man’s dream sitting there back in Metropolis including a huge bank account, a beautiful young wife and a little boy, both of which adored him. But every year without fail he inevitably sought out the pretty blonde before him despite how hard he might fight the urge, despite the twinges of pain that rippled through him at the thought of having to leave her once more and the vain hope that maybe this time he wouldn’t have to. He had money and power but as far as Chloe was concerned he had no will of his own to stay away.
When the kiss broke she pulled away, a small smile of pleasure playing on her lips and she took his hand and lead him away from the window and the modern day hell that could be seen from it. The room belonged to an apartment that was typical of type place he had come to expect her to live in. It was the same as every other home she had occupied over the past ten years since moving away from Smallville and since leaving university. There was very little about the place that had any character and Lex knew that was because Chloe would not allow it to have any. The simple style was fashionable and yet did not have the appearance of being lived in. There were one or two touches about the place that told Lex that this wasn’t a show home; the way her coat was thrown carelessly over an arm chair, the laptop computer that sat on the coffee table and the odd photograph scattered around. The photographs themselves were random. There was one of her father and an older one of both her parents that he knew had been taken before her mother died. One more was of the blonde standing between Clark and Pete and then there was a final one of her sat companionably beside Lana. Both girl’s were smiling brilliantly at the camera and did not appear to have a concern in the world. There wasn’t a single picture of him. Not that Lex had really expected any but still he didn’t like the fact she managed to keep him so completely removed from her life now; especially considering the fact that in Metropolis he kept a picture of himself standing with her and the other three people who had been her close friends in Smallville as a teenager. Collectively it didn’t seem much for one person to have gathered but then he knew that Chloe wasn’t prone to keeping things. She didn’t like memories.
Once several years ago, on one of his flying visits, Chloe had finally opened up and talked to him although only after much persuasion on his part. They had been drinking for hours in the haven of her tiny apartment where the outside world wouldn’t dare to intrude and enjoying the peace that seemed to come with just simply being in each other’s presence. Somehow the conversation had come around to the things he could see about the room and Lex had asked if she ever spoke to anyone from Smallville on once again seeing the sad little collection of photographs.
“I don’t like to,” she had said and a look had come about her that should have screamed to Lex that this was a topic of conversation which would be better left alone. Unfortunately, being as persistent and stubborn as he was, Lex had instead seen an opportunity to find out more about the woman who was so very much a part of his life and had persisted in questioning her until the blonde woman had turned to him, eyes strangely dark and replied, “They’re the past; reminders of a person who was foolish and believed that despite whatever else was going on in the world that there would always be a happy ending. I don’t want to get into conversations about how great things were back then or how fabulous it would be to be back there again in good ol’ Smallville just because it makes them feel good. They might have happy little lives now but they’re just living behind a wall that protects them from seeing the truth.” Turning away from him she had added, “I’m faced with it every day. I’m faced with the reality that the weirdness and the evil wasn’t just confined to Smallville and even though I’ve spent every day of my life since leaving that place trying to escape it I’ve never quite managed it. You…” She had broken off and taken a deep breath. “You… It doesn’t matter.”
A part of him had known what she meant to add and it had given a quiet, echoing scream of irritation inside his head. She had been going to say that he was proof of it; proof of all the things that she had been saying and that she had only just stopped herself in time from saying so. At the time it had bitten him to the bone. It had made him want to scream and shout at her but instead he had regained control of his emotions easily, in a style that was undeniably that of a Luthor, and changed the topic because this was not something he wanted to argue with her about. He didn’t want to talk about it for the simple fact that he suspected that what she believed was the truth.
It had taken him over three months to find her this time. After his last visit to her apartment in San Diego he had known that she would pack up and move on running away from everything once again. It was a pattern that she had assumed years ago. She would disappear leaving him to track her down and he was certain that it was her way of making him prove to her and perhaps to himself that he did love her, that he really did want her and that this was some passing fling. And over the years it had become a type of game between them as she became more adept at blending in and he had become more skilled at finding her.
This time though he had almost missed her. For all he knew about her Chloe had still managed to avoid his usual sources of information and he had almost missed this yearly date that in many ways he held dear. She had surprised him, instead of trying to find work by her normal means as a free lance writer working under a pseudonym she had got herself a job in an office doing mundane paper work. It was something he had never expected and he had tried for a long time not to think of what it might mean. Lex had found that he didn’t want to think about her settling down in one place and giving up her dreams. Her dreams were who she was but even more than that it was proof to him that there was still some hope in the world for people with dreams. He hated to think how many he might have destroyed over the years. He knew that his very presence here with her contaminated her and hoped and prayed for the first time in as long as he could remember that he wasn’t the reason that she had changed.
She sat him down on the couch and left the room momentarily reappearing with glasses and a bottle of wine. Sitting down beside him she placed them on the table and then reached down to unbuckle her heavy boots. After slipping them off, she then stretched out her legs and let out a long sigh of satisfaction while wriggling her toes. Once again Lex found himself looking down at the dust that was coated thickly on the dark leather of the boots.
“Where have you been?” Lex asked feeling oddly possessive. Leaning forwards he picked the wine bottle and uncorked it, not bothering to look at the year. Keeping his eyes on his task he felt her curl her legs up under her on the deep cushions of the couch beside him and poured them both a drink. Turning to her he handed one over and took a sip of his own before placing it back on the table. Getting drunk without fearing the consequences was only part of the reason that he was here tonight.
“Would you believe nowhere?” she replied taking the glass and leaning her head back. Tired eyes closed and he suddenly felt alone in the room.
Lex also leaned back and studied her face. As a teenager, the friend of his friend, Chloe had always represented something almost entirely beyond his reach. Clark had always been the pure one, Lana the old soul in a child’s form but Chloe had been something else hidden behind the more obvious charms of her friends. In truth he couldn’t remember when he had first really noticed her. He supposed that it was during in one of their peculiar conversation when it had suddenly occurred to him that she wasn’t going to let him get away with avoiding the question or bow to his charms quite so easily as most woman did.
It had been refreshing and yet the moment he realised that this was a young woman he could be interested in he had also realised that she might as well be completely unavailable as far as he was concerned and not just for the obvious age reasons that seemed to mean so much to the rest of the world. She lived a life of simple things. One where her biggest concerns revolved around her next deadline or what to wear to school and occasionally what the hell was going on in Smallville, home of weird, that week. But basically, ultimately, she did not have a lot to be worried about. Not compared to him at least. At least she could escape where as he was stuck in a personal hell he had built for himself.
Still, Lex had never been one to back down from a challenge and if Chloe Sullivan had been one thing to him it was a challenge.
“Nowhere must be an interesting place,” he said knowing that it sounded lame but also knowing that to lapse into too long a silence now would be a mistake. As tired as she was Chloe could soon grow bored and he knew from past experience that things would only be a downward track from there between them.
“It has its good points.” Her voice sounded dreamy, almost distracted and Lex was left feeling even more frustrated with her answer that he would have been without it. God help him but he didn’t like the idea of her having a life beyond this room and beyond him.
“Want to tell me about it?”
Those pretty green eyes flickered open and focused on him. She slowly licked her lower lip then took a healthy sip of her drink. Placing her glass on the table beside his she leaned over to him. “No,” she said then pressed her lips hard against his. Suddenly ‘nowhere’ didn’t seem that important anymore.
2.
And when she blows the candle flame to smoke
She says a prayer for all of those who live in houses and in homes
And Monday she'll go down town standing naked in the road
You may know what I am
But who I am you don't know
‘Get Blown Away’ ~ Ocean Colour Scene
A year ago to this day they had been fighting. Not just a little petty argument, although it had started out that way, but a real World War Three affair complete with all the fire works where they had seemed more like animals than people. The things that had come out her mouth, that she had dared to say to him when under any other circumstances Chloe knew she would have kept to herself had astounded her.
To her shame Chloe couldn’t even really remember what it was about in the first place.
It had been wild. Insanely so on both parts and before long blows had been flying between the two. Chloe could remember striking at him with both hands; kicking at him as hard as she could until the man had snapped and swung for her leaving the petite blonde flailing around on the floor. The bruise had taken weeks to heal and she’d spent a small fortune on heavy duty make-up to try and cover it. After that she had sworn that she would never see him again and for once she had actually intended to go through with her promise to herself. She had convinced herself that she meant it.
It was strange how things worked out. A year ago she had sworn she would never see him again. A month ago she had managed to convince herself that after his last little visit Lex Luthor wouldn’t ever want to come near her again and experienced the accompanying heartbreak. A week ago she had been trying to pretend that her heart wasn’t pounding so loudly in her chest that she was surprised that no one else could hear it at the mere thought of the day approaching when he might choose to enter her life again if only for a little while. Then yesterday she had been a wreck. Unable to work because her concentration was else where Chloe had opted to take the day off and head away from the city hoping that it might give her the strength not to return to her apartment where she knew he might be waiting. The idea of him being there without her seeing him though was too much for the young woman to bear and she had rushed back to Los Angeles and straight to him.
It really was strange.
Staring at him now as he slept in her bed once again Chloe wondered whether this made her a weak person. Whether this momentary lapse in her commitment to herself should make her take a long hard look at the person she was becoming. He just looked so beautiful laying there on his back, ever so pale skin almost seeing to glow in the moonlight shining in through the window of her bedroom. There was something ethereal about his appearance that made her heart do a little hop skip and a jump in her chest. It still wasn’t quite enough for her to go running into his arms and to make her stay there for the rest of her life though. There wouldn’t ever be enough to make that happen. Not after everything she knew about him.
Her relationship with Lex had always been a peculiar one. In many ways it went beyond the blonde woman’s ability to comprehend exactly what the relationship was. There was no way on earth that she was able to completely and precisely define it and so Chloe had long since given up trying. It gave her a headache to try anyway and she wasn’t sure that it was worth the trouble. She wasn’t sure she really wanted to know anyway because some part of her screamed that whatever it was it couldn’t be ‘right’. What she did know however was that year after year he kept coming back and she would take him back into her life and offer what little comfort she could provide him with. Chloe Sullivan couldn’t be who she had once been for anyone else but him although she doubted that Lex realised that fact.
This excuse for a relationship had started the day she left Smallville. The final year of high school had been emotionally charged; not just for her but for all the people of Smallville. The culmination of years of freak events seemed to combine and decide to hit them hard, once and for all and as usual she had been at the centre of it with Clark and Pete, Lana and strangely enough Lex. And when it was all over Chloe had realised something that she half wished that she had from the beginning - Clark was no good for her. As sweet and caring as the young man was he always seemed to be around when she got in trouble and it had lead her to think that it was maybe because of him that she was in trouble a lot of the time. The discovery had broken her heart in many respects but had also left her feeling oddly calm. The blonde had found herself able to leave Smallville without even the slightest regret and instead of heading to Metropolis like she had always planned to she was able to break ties completely with Smallville and her old like and had gone on to pastures new. Her initial year away from everything she had held dear for so long had been lonely and the second had promised to be the same, only an accidental run in with Lex one day had stopped it from being so.
There was never any romance involved. Neither of them had pretended that there was. They were both too intelligent mistake what they shared was love. They didn’t go out for candle lit dinners or walk along moonlight shores hand in hand playing in the surf and Chloe doubted that she would ever receive impulse bunch of flowers from him. It was lust; pure and simple and nothing else. That was something that she had told herself over and over again and when she had felt the first inklings that it might be something else Chloe had broken off the relationship as quick as she had been able to because by that time the blonde had already been able to see the man that Lex Luthor was becoming and it had scared the hell out of her.
When he had continued to pursue her Chloe had done everything in her power to disappear and for the first few months she thought that she had done so successfully and then one night she had entered the apartment where she had been living in New Orleans and found him sat on her couch in the dark. They spent the night together and when he left the next morning she had made plans to disappear again knowing that this wasn’t something she could afford to get involved with, not with him at least. At that time there had already been about his eyes something dark that shouldn’t have been there. When he looked at her they would soften but occasionally she would catch him looking beyond her or staring off into space while pretending to watch the television and she would just know that there was more running through his head than every day business dealings. If she spoke when he wasn’t expecting it then he would turn to her sharply and there was always the hint about his features that suggested the development of a quicker and more volatile temper than she had ever seen before.
It wasn’t long after that night when Chloe had learned from some gossip column that he had gotten engaged and only shortly after that he was married. When she looked at the pictures, morbid curiosity taking over her better instincts, Chloe had been fascinated by the woman who was now Mrs Luthor. After that she thought she would never hear from him again but almost a year after the wedding once again she had arrived home to find him waiting for her and so the pattern had developed and as self-destructive as they were together in time she had found that she was incapable of keeping him arm’s length.
By her side he stirred, reaching a hand above his head and stretching out his entire body revealing an array of previously undefined muscles. Those brilliant blue eyes blinked open and a disgruntled expression came over his face as sleep began to sleep away. For a moment Chloe half suspected he would roll over and try to go back to sleep. Slowly however he turned to her and that characteristic smirk that only Lex could ever really pull off came over his features. In languid movements he wrapped a hand about her arm and pulled her towards him until Chloe could feel their bodies pressed together beneath the thin sheets.
“Have you been awake long?” Sleep still filled his voice and there was a kind of tone to it that betrayed his satisfaction that slightly irritated Chloe. It was irrational and she knew it but the blonde was unable to help herself. Since they had first been together it seemed that everything had gone right for Lex while everything had gone wrong for her. He had a wife that loved him and a happy, healthy child that she knew he doted on while she spent her time wandering from one city to another and trying not to get too attached to any one person in case she suddenly had to move on again. And yet she knew that this life had been her choice. If she had just said one word to him then she knew things might have been different and no one had forced her to live her life by moving from one place to the next but it had become her security blanket. She had nothing and no one to tie her down; she was responsible to no one but herself and that was something that Chloe had come to value more than she had ever believed she would do.
Shaking off the antagonistic feelings she had been beginning to harbour towards him Chloe shook her head and replied, “Not long.” The words seemed to hang in the air after she had spoken and the blonde woman felt that some of the real world outside their safe little artificial one had crept back in.
He manoeuvred her into the comfortable niche under his arm and Chloe let him enjoying the warmth of his body and the sense of being protected that seemed to come with his simple actions. “We shouldn’t be this way,” he told her softly and sincerely and Chloe knew that he was talking about more their current circumstances. Once again the thought of his wife and child entered her head and Chloe felt the blunt pang of guilt in her that always seemed to accompany them in her mind. It always amazed her how long he had managed to keep this little affair secret from them. Well, not just them but everyone in the world when he himself was constantly hounded by the media. Wouldn’t they just laugh if they knew that the woman he broke his marriage vows for was a reporter? In that moment she could easily have hated herself. In that moment she could easily have hated Lex.
Sitting up suddenly and drawing away from him Chloe said, “Isn’t it about time that you were leaving?” Even to her the words sounded harsh and silently she cursed herself for being as impulsive as the act on what she had been feeling. There was nothing but silence from behind her but the blonde steadfastly refused to turn and see what effect her question had made on him. Finger tips suddenly made contact with her back as he ran them over her flesh in a way that made her skin tingle in anticipation.
“You want me to go?” He sounded almost hurt. He sounded as if someone had kicked him in the stomach and started to walk away then changed their mind and come back to kick him in the head. Chloe drew her knees up to her chest and clutched them while trying to ignore the sensation his query had created in her and not knowing quite how to reply. She didn’t want him to go but surely it was best for them both. He had said it himself; they shouldn’t be this way.
“You should stop this. It isn’t healthy Lex and we both know it.”
The fingers paused in their path. She felt him move into a sitting position and the bed shifted slightly as he swung his legs down to the floor. “I didn’t think you cared whether it was healthy or not. I didn’t think that had ever bothered you.”
A sigh escaped her. “It didn’t but maybe I should start letting it. We need to think about the future and yours… yours is in Metropolis with your wife and son and without me.” She made sure her last words were spoken with emphasise hoping they would have some effect as she saw him appear in front of the bed before her. Looking up she met his eyes and saw that all lingering traces of sleep were now well and truly gone. Now they had been replaced with small flashes of something that was distinctly akin to anger.
“How many times have I told you that I don’t care about her? I never did do Chloe. They were…”
“A means to an end,” Chloe finished sharply. Softening her voice she continued, “You must have told me so a dozen times over the past few years Lex but I know you and not once in your life have you done something without a reason for it. If they were no longer useful to you then you would get rid of them. You tell me that you were just using her and I can believe that but I will not be responsible for hurting your son. I will not intentionally keep on this path you seem to want to set for both of us when it can only end up hurting us both.”
His eyes had widened slightly as he listened to her speak. “Is this your way of telling me that you want me to divorce her?” he asked sounding somewhat incredulous. Chloe shook her head and lowered eyes once more not wanting to have to look at him. “You know something Chloe; you don’t know what you want. You never have done.”
When she made no response he began to dress. Moving quickly about the room to collect up the various pieces of clothing from where it had been dropped and slipped them back on. When he was fully clothed Lex paused and leaned across the bed towards her. Using one hand he turned her face up to look at him. “You don’t know what you want but I do. Whatever you may try to convince yourself you know that we have something here. I can’t believe you of all people would be willing to throw that away.”
The words cut through her and Chloe drew herself into a tighter ball and looked away from him. No one had ever accused Lex of being subtle about affairs of the heart.
In the distance she heard the door to her apartment slam, jumping slightly as it did so and whispered quietly the empty room, “I don’t want to. I have to.” A tear rolled down her cheek and Chloe let out a choking sob.
THE END
Re: Earth And Dust Repose (G)
Heart breaking! Beautifully writen!
