A/N: Okay, so this is the first little ficlet I've written in a very long time... I've been sulking for the past month and a half and this really needed to come out... hopefully, after this, I'll be able to write more... Kind of a sad little thing...
Summary: Set after the whole thing with the Lionel-trial and the house blowing up... yeah, basically just the beginning of 3rd season... A little ficlet on Chloe's thoughts when Lex suddenly drops out of her life -- avoiding her (apparently) at all costs...
Disclaimer: Don't own Smallville, but I enjoy skewing Chloe and Lex's lives... I didn't make any money off of this ficlet... just allowed some pent-up emotions out... that's it... so it's emotionally beneficial... hopefully not just for me! :)
Lingering Hope
I never knew emptiness like this before – it was as if the large scab that was supposed to be healing was suddenly split open again. The pain prolonged and intensified because it’s not physical – but emotional; mental. It’s as if that same scab could not heal properly afterwards – as if it always had that possibility of opening again because it is such a deep cut… and it’s been infected – infected by beautiful memories; those sweet little pictures and videos that you managed to keep deep inside your broken little heart. They make you delirious – happy and sad; oh so capable of holding it all together and ripping it all apart again. It’s a vicious cycle that I face every day – every hour; every vulnerable moment.
This is what happens when he leaves you hanging – hopes for something that is “forever” – like in those cliché little songs you hear on the radio – are slowly killing me, filtering into my dreams, making living without him so bittersweet. I hope the positives outweigh the negatives, he’d put in his last handwritten letter to me. It had made me laugh, how calculated and strangely “Dr. Phil”-like his words were, the first time I had read it… but the more I look at it – the more I take it out of my wallet to see his words scrawled haphazardly on the small piece of now crumpled paper, the more distant and unfeeling it sounds… the more I believe that it is all an evil scam that I allowed myself to get sucked into – because he is calculating and does not allow people to get close to him. Maybe he was kidding – maybe he was leading me on…
It is his nature…
But I know I’m kidding myself. All these thoughts – these things in my head – are just that: thoughts. We may have been something in the past – something that called for a great amount of trust, even when I was wary… just as he was in the beginning – but since our paths have been split in entirely different directions, what are the chances of meeting halfway again? What are the chances of having something greater than whatever we seemed to have in our strange little relationship – this thing we have harvested from odd circumstances of meeting?
That doesn’t mean I’ll stop hoping, though… I want him enough to wait for the right time… we are such different people from such different worlds and yet – I feel this strange similarity between us – and because of that, I shall hold on…
I hope that our lives shall continue to touch in various ways… he wrote… and I’ll remember that forever… silently in my little space in the world.
~~ o0o ~~
Shall we hold on --
Hold on shall we all along?
Intersections come --
Hold on shall we --
Shall we hold on all along?
Farther now
Far farther now
This inevitable fork
Leaves us grasping air
Desperately grasping air
Instead of you or me
And I watch the world blur
Watch the world dissolve
As you willingly turn away
You turn willingly away
Give up this road with cherry blossoms
With blossoms lining it so beautifully...
[fin]
Endnotes: Sorry if it's rather stilted at parts... like I said, I'm trying to get back into writing... -_-;
BB
