To Honor Those We Have Lost - You Raise Me Up (PG-13/T)

This piece is to honor those whom we have lost along the way; family members, friends, collegues. How we deal with the loss, is always different and unique for us all. I find comfort in dealing with my personal loss today, by writing, as many of you do. Thanks to David for checking this piece over. Just know, this one was a hard one to write but it had to be written. So I hope you all like it.

Title: To Honor Those We Have Lost - "You Raise Me Up"

Author: PMD

e-mail: mary.davidson@sympatico.ca

Rating: PG-13/T

Category: Chlex married, songfic, futurefic, slightly angsy, Lex's POV, AU

Spoilers: Anything in Smallville is fair game.

Summary: Lex and family go to visit Lillian.

Disclaimer: To whomever owns Smallville, the characters, Josh Groban, the lyrics to the song, You Raise Me Up, within the story and the song title used as the story title, and the car, Lexus, I'm just borrowing them, will give them back, not making any money with their use in this piece, so don't sue me.

Archive: This is for BtS, BT2, N.S. Forums, SPP, and WBFF only.

Feedback: Yes I would love feedback.

Author Notes: This was a very emotional one for me to do because it wasn't only for myself personally but for all who have lost a loved one along the way. This is for Jay, David, and all my betas, for their heartfelt betas and through them, teaching me how to write from the heart. And I dedicate this to all who have lost a loved one and don't worry if you cry, cause I did, all through this writing. And thanks to David, for the speedy beta of this piece. One thing--- ' denotes something that happened in the past when the characters are speaking and also denotes ghostly apparitions speaking. Another thing---Kleenex warnings in affect and Lexie is a bit wiser and older than her years in this piece---but remember---she is Lex and Chloe's daughter. <g> Enjoy everybody.

To Honor Those We Have Lost - "You Raise Me Up" - by PMD

I get out of the car and look over the black hood of my vehicle. No longer is it a sports car, a two seater. Now it's a family car. I didn't go for the van my wife wanted. I did compromise with this one though. And smile. Everybody will know I'm coming, just by the name of the car; Lexus.

"Hey?"

I break out of my thoughts and look at her, carrying our son in her arms.

"Where were you?" she asks.

"Just thinking about things."

"Oh. So do you want to go see her by yourself first or do you want me and the children to come with you now?"

"Together, Chloe. And speaking of children, where's Lexie?"

"Here I am, Daddy," I hear our oldest say. I feel a tug at my pant leg and look down, her hazel eyes reminding me of her mother's and my own mother.

"Daddy?"

"Yes?" I ask, getting down to her level.

"I think you need a hug."

"I think you're right, Pumpkin."

I open my arms to her and she walks in, snuggling close to me. I hear a sob and it's her. I back away.

"Honey, don't cry."

"But Daddy, you look so sad. You miss your Mommy so much and I'm afraid---"

"---that your Mommy will leave you too soon also. Don't worry, Pumpkin---we're protect her so she doesn't."

"Okay," she says, before she kisses my cheek and I get up again.

I look over at Chloe and see the shimmering tears in her eyes. I take our oldest' hand and we make our way over to the other side. I pull Chloe into my arms, along with our son, Jason. Lexie slides her arms around our legs and for a moment, all is perfect in this world of ours. Then we have to back away and continue this journey to a cold stone resting-place in the distance.

"Don't forget the player," Chloe states.

"Explain to me why we brought this again?" I ask, opening the trunk and getting out the CD player.

"Because, Daddy, we want Grandma Lillian to hear the song that reminds you of her," Lexie states, emphatically.

I raise an eyebrow at her and she just smirks at me. I have to laugh at her expression and look back at Chloe.

"She's your daughter," Chloe remarks with a slight grin.

"Why is she my daughter when she smirks and does bad things and yet, when she's an angel, she's ours?"

"Ah, the age old question asked by the father, till the end of time. I'll tell you later, when we're alone," she states, walking up to me. We walk, side by side,towards the field of stone.

Our daughter runs ahead of us, holding onto the CD that we will be playing. I look at our son, gurgling and smiling. I look up to the sky and thank God for this chance at a family---it could have gone the other way very easily.



Chloe had been offered the chance to work in New York City on one of the TV stations. I remember the night she was getting ready to leave. I even took her to the airport, giving her a kiss on the cheek. As I watched her walk towards the gate, I felt my heart drop ten feet and I couldn't breathe. I gasped once and tried to make it to a chair to sit down. Then I felt a hand on my arm, leading me to the chair.

'Breathe, Lex. Please, breathe!'

I turned to stare into her beautiful hazel eyes, full of worry. 'Chloe? Why are you here?' I remembered gasping.

'I can't go---I can't leave you Lex. I thought I could, but I can't. I don't want this job---I want you---I want a family with you. Please, say you want that too.'

My answer was to nod and pull her into my arms. I remembered letting out a sigh of relief and feeling my heart beating in time with hers.



And now, as I watch her pull away and walk to catch up with Lexie, I know what is worth more than all the wealth in the world---it's love---it's family---it's friends. I just wish that my mother were alive to see how well I am doing.

I finally reach the large stone structure that is hers. Chloe is sitting on the bench before it, cradling our son. Lexie is kneeling before it.

"Hi, Grandma," she says, leaning over and kissing the pale gray monolith. "I love you," she adds.

"And she loves you too, sweetie," Chloe says.

She turns around. "How can she love me, Mommy? She's never met me."

Chloe chuckles. "Honey, she loves you because you are a part of one of the best things she's ever created in this world; your Daddy."

"She loves me by default?"

"No, she loves you because you are kind and gentle, just like her. She loves you because you are a reflection of her, me, and your Daddy. And maybe she has met you."

"How?"

"Don't you dream about her?"

"Yes, Mommy."

"So, who's to say spirits don't dream too. Or maybe she watches you from above."

"Oh."

I watch her sit beside Chloe and ponder everything that's been said.

"Well, she certainly gets that from you, Chloe."

She turns to look at me. "What?"

"Intelligent questions needed to be answered."

"Ahhhh---another reporter in the family?"

"Maybe---or a prosecutor---or a state senator."

She pats the bench and I sit down, pulling her close. Jason looks up at me with his sky blue eyes and I smile. "You know, she might even take over Lexcorp and allow us more time to ourselves," I add.

"Maybe," she states, leaning into me. "Lex, I'm glad you said yes to my question in that airport. I would have missed so much, if I had gone."

I kiss the top of her head and pull her ever closer.

"Can we play the song now, Daddy?"

"As soon as I go up and say hi to my Mommy, okay?"

"Okay."

I give Chloe a kiss on the lips that causes Lexie to scrunch her nose and go ewwww. Then with a chuckle I get up and move towards the large stone structure before us.

"Hi, Mom. I---it's hard to tell you how much you mean to me---meant to me all those years. How you protected me the best you could from the ugliness in Father. How you didn't want to leave me but---it wasn't your fault---it---"

I can't say anymore---I'm choking up and kneel by the structure. I feel a touch on my arm and look at me daughter.

"Daddy, it's okay---I'm here to protect you, now."

I smile at her. "And here I thought I was the one to protect you."

She gives me a smile she inherited from her mother. "Then, we'll protect each other---in her honor."

I am stunned by how grownup Lexie thinks at times. Maybe it comes from having to deal with things other children her age don't have to deal with; the media---my father. Or maybe it's because of Chloe and I---we were pretty intelligent for our age when we were that young. Whatever the reason, I find that a lot of the time I'm talking to a child twice her age and as weird as that is---it's part of her charm and makes her beloved to all.

I smile at her. "And a child shall lead," I state, pulling her into my arms. I look over her head and notice Chloe, the tears shimmering before, rolling down her cheeks.

"Looks like Mommy might need a hug, Pumpkin."

She backs away. "Are you okay, Daddy?"

"As long as I have my family and friends, I'll be okay. Now go give your mother a hug. And then you can turn on the player and we'll share the song with Grandma Lillian."

She gives me a kiss on the cheek and turns around, walking towards Chloe.

'Alexandra definitely has as old a soul as you do, Ander.'

I gasp at the whisper in the wind. Ander---only my mother called me Ander. What the fuck?

I turn back to the stone monolith and see her reflection there. 'Yes it's me.'

"Mother?" I whisper.

'Yes, Ander?"

"I miss you."

'I know you do. I miss you too.'

"I wish you were here."

'But I am---in you---I'll always live in you. And I even see a bit of myself in all your family. In Alexandra I see wisdom beyond her young years; in your beautiful wife, Chloe, I see a compassion that shines like mine did for years; and in you, I see the hope and love I possessed and hoped to pass onto you. And in your young son, I see---'

"Julian?"

'No, I see a part of me that was willing to take chances, even though he is very young. Ander, hold onto them, protect them, and they will do the same for you. I love you, Ander, and I will be watching from above. Goodbye, my brightest star.'

I feel a tear go down my cheek as I watch her fade away. "Thank you, Mother. I'll see you soon, in my dreams."

I get up and turn around, not afraid to show the tears anymore. No longer is it a weakness to cry---it's a strength of character, to show that you are capable of doing this. It shows that you are compassionate and caring.

"Daddy?"

"Yes, Lexie?"

"Now?"

I smile at her, taking out a hanky and wiping the tears away. "Yes, now."

She places the CD in the player as I walk over and join Chloe once again.

"Had a nice talk with your mother?" she asks me.

"How'd you---never mind. You are so psychic it's scary, Chlo."

"Comes from years of getting to know you and maybe a little exposure to the meteor rocks. Besides, I had a dream last night and your mother said she would talk to you today. And you know my dreams are never wrong, when it comes to you."

I pull her close. "Never wrong," I reply, kissing the top of her head and watching Lexie look at me.

"Shush---the song is coming. You know Grandma is far away---she might have to strain to hear it."

We comply as the song starts and Lexie joins us, sitting on the other side of me:


"When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary;
When troubles come and my heart burdened be;
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.

You raise me up: To more than I can be"

As the song ends, I look at all who are sitting beside me, knowing they helped me to be more that I ever thought I could be. But the one person who started me on this road and is there for me, even in death, is my mother. She helped me start to see my potential and never give up on myself. Chloe and the children continue it but it started with her.

I rise. "Can I hold---"

"---the baby? Yes," Chloe states, getting up and putting our son in my arms. "We'll go wait in the car."

I give her a gentle kiss and watch her take the player and Lexie.

I turn back to the monolith before me and walk over. "Mother, thank you for raising me up to stand on the highest peaks, weather the stormiest seas; to let me know I can be so much more than my father ever thought I could be. I'll teach all you have given me to my son and daughter---so they can be all they can be too. I love you, Mother. Sleep well---you've earned it."

Jason leans out and touches the stone---I see my mother's reflection once more and her hand reaching out to touch his, smiling. She mouths, 'I love you all. Be well.' Then she fades once more.

I give Jason a kiss on the cheek and we make our way to the car, healed once again by a vision of my mother and surrounded by my family, who will always protect me---like she once did. And I will always protect them, as best I can. She raised me up once upon a time; now it's time for Chloe and I to raise our children up, to become what they were always meant to be; kind, considerate and compassionate human beings.

The End.

That was so beautiful. :wub: I loved it. :)



Hope :)

Hey Hope:

Glad you enjoyed the story, hon. :) I certainly feel better with this Lillian then with the one on last weeks eppy, from what I can gather from people that is.

Very touching. You really seemed to capture the feeling of loss that I think we all feel when a loved one is gone. I really like how Chloe was kind of psychic and knew Lex's thoughts. Very cute. Great fic as usual!

Hey Petoonya:

Awww---thanks, hon. :) I'm glad you enjoyed it and got that feeling of lose from it. You know who I honor with this, sweetie---I told you about that. :) But it goes beyond that now---to all who have lost somebody special to them.

As to psychic Chloe and Lex, well, I think she's the one person who can read him so well, in fanfic and in the series. Well, a majority of the time in the series. I remember at the beginning, when Lex said he was nervous about her---I think she might be the one person he could never pull the wool over, from the very beginning. That's cause they're similiar in a lot of ways---both have this darkness that can engulf them, among other things.

Again, glad you enjoyed it, sweetie. :)

Very sweet and beautiful!