PDA

View Full Version : Impassive Darkness (G)



sosostris
20th November 2003, 09:28
A/N: It is pretty metaphorical, so if you don’t like that kind of thing, head for the hills and learn to paint. Basically just drabble. The italicised sentences are Chuck Palahniuk quotes. I apologize if you end up confused or upset after reading this, I tend to have that sort of effect on people. Feedback; positive, constructive and mean will be embraced with gratitude.

Impassive Darkness

The truth is you can be orphaned again and again and again.
The truth is you will be.
And the secret is, this will hurt less and less each time until you can’t feel a thing.

From the doorway he flicks off the lights of his study and the castle falls into inevitable darkness. He waits for a moment, turns his head and can’t see a thing.

He traces his hand down the rough stone hallway to guide him, his fingers mapping the imperfections. Lingering slowly, his bare feet conducting the bitter cold of the floor. Unsure if his eyes are open.

The darkness and silence drape him in anticipation.

His breathing labours, and he is not even sure if it is his. He stops near a window and holds his breath. There are no city lights in Smallville.

The stained window floods the world scarlet. He can’t see the moon. It must be there somewhere.

He releases his lungs and the glass fogs. He watches as the fog evaporates into nothing. He is no longer sure if it was ever there.

In the vacuum of night, existence is arbitrary.

Nothing to impress. Disappoint.

Nothing to make. Destroy.

Where we're standing right now, in the ruins in the dark, what we build could be anything.

He pops the latch and pushes open the window. The sudden creak of the unoiled hinges pierce the night air like a bloody scream. He clamps his back teeth willing the sound to stop. It does, but stagnancy remains. He moves away, leaving the window open.

He’ll close it tomorrow.

He comes to what he knows is the staircase and feels for the banister, taps his toe against the end of the bottom stair to assure his position and starts his ascent. He knows there are precisely 27 stairs, but has never counted them. He knows when he has reached the last one, and turns at an exact angle to the right.

The bedroom door is slightly open. He pushes it and knows that it will not creak. His eyes are immediately drawn to the mute amber of the digital clock displaying 3:43.

A lone pilot light of assurance.

He undresses and lays his clothes silently over the end lounge. Removes the covers and gently lowers his weight. Every muscle in his body tenses, attempting to quash the results of his movement.

He lays back and exhales.

The other occupant of the bed stirs and instinctively moves toward him. He has nowhere to retreat. So he stays.

“Mmm, Lex?” she murmurs sleepily raising her head from the pillow.

He knows she needs his comfort. He rolls onto his side and allows his fingers to trace her swollen stomach.

“Shh Chlo” he whispers, and he can feel her relax into him at the sound of his voice.

He looks at the orange glare of the alarm clock.

“It’s ok, I’m here.”

And for a moment, here in the darkness, he almost believes it.

sylvia
20th November 2003, 09:39
In the vacuum of night, existence is arbitrary.

God I love this piece!

The narrative voice is detached and almost emotionless, suiting the story and building the atmosphere impeccably. The short sentences and the solidity of your descriptions make this piece seem stark and sombre, setting the mood just right.

One other thing I like about this is that it reveals a lot about Lex's character and how he darkens ever so slowly and imperceptibly.

Or maybe I'm just being the over-analysing literature student that I am =P Oh well, good work anyway!

Blaire023
20th November 2003, 13:47
Oh, I loved it. The end leaves you baffled. Is she really there, or is it just his very hopeful imagination?

mmmmmm, good fic.

~B

beautiful N' Bruised
20th November 2003, 14:25
Okay...I *love* metaphorical-type pieces, and this one just just took my breath away...

I love your emotionally not-right Lex. I haven't see 'Shattered' yet, but he fits in with the off-ness of Lex in season 3. I liked his journey through the mansion; switching the lights off, contemplating essential non-existance in solitarity, opening the window (escapism? needing to breathe?)


Originally posted by madame_sosostris+Nov 20 2003, 07:28 AM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (madame_sosostris &#064; Nov 20 2003, 07:28 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'>
In the vacuum of night, existence is arbitrary.

Nothing to impress. Disappoint.

Nothing to make. Destroy.

[/b]

But the end was my favourite bit, and not even because of the implied Chlexyness.

<!--QuoteBegin-madame_sosostris@Nov 20 2003, 07:28 AM

“It’s ok, I’m here.”

And for a moment, here in the darkness, he almost believes it.[/quote]

*Shiver*

Hopefully this lovely little fic will have woken up my own stubborn muse...

hfce
20th November 2003, 17:37
Interesting.... :huh:




Hope :cool:

scifichick774
20th November 2003, 17:41
Oh wow. So dark and beautiful. Nicely done.

autumngold
20th November 2003, 19:05
Poor Chloe&#33; Does she feel Lex slipping away into the darkness? Excellently written story&#33; I think you described Lex perfectly&#33;&#33; :chlexsign3:

tigerbaby
20th November 2003, 20:09
Originally posted by madame_sosostris@Nov 20 2003, 02:28 AM
“It’s ok, I’m here.”

And for a moment, here in the darkness, he almost believes it.
Killer, killer line there.

I love the whole detachedness of this piece and his lonely, solitary journey through the mansion. It&#39;s like he&#39;s waiting for something, *anything* to break him out of this existence and breathe some life into him.

Loved it.

Czech Angel
21st November 2003, 01:55
Depressingly good.

Pufkinz
21st November 2003, 10:49
It is for lack of better word "dark"


He waits for a moment, turns his head and can’t see a thing.
It&#39;s like lifes become so monotonous, everything is the same dull grey which rolls into each other continously.


In the vacuum of night, existence is arbitrary.

Nothing to impress. Disappoint.

Nothing to make. Destroy.
His exsistance seems to be determined by the whim of time...
In his present state the darkness is a cover, its a period where he can be sure that he can&#39;t disappoint... that he can&#39;t distroy


His eyes are immediately drawn to the mute amber of the digital clock displaying 3:43.

A lone pilot light of assurance.

He undresses and lays his clothes silently over the end lounge. Removes the covers and gently lowers his weight. Every muscle in his body tenses, attempting to quash the results of his movement.

He lays back and exhales.

The other occupant of the bed stirs and instinctively moves toward him. He has nowhere to retreat. So he stays.

“Mmm, Lex?” she murmurs sleepily raising her head from the pillow.

He knows she needs his comfort. He rolls onto his side and allows his fingers to trace her swollen stomach.

“Shh Chlo” he whispers, and he can feel her relax into him at the sound of his voice.

He looks at the orange glare of the alarm clock.

“It’s ok, I’m here.”

And for a moment, here in the darkness, he almost believes it.

This section had me holding my breathe while I read it... it is frightenly deep... I got the feeling that Lex is slowly suffocating... and the clock... the time it displays assures him to an extent, that he was still has time... safety, shrouded in the darkness yet at the very moment reminding him that he was running out of it...

This whole story to me depicts the dying of the Lex... its like he&#39;s only allowed to come out in the safety of the dark, yet even the dark can&#39;t seem to keep him... refrence to him allowing himself to touch Chloe and their unborn child or even when he tries to retreat... shows how much he fears of distroying what good he has in his life left, that even in his protective caccoon of night he looks to but distance between them so that the taint which resides in him won&#39;t harm them...

And that my people is MHO on this lovely piece of literature... I could be very off on my assesment... anyway if anyone would like to dicuss this further, let me know...

Wonderful fic madame_sosostris :clap: :worship2:

bella_b
22nd November 2003, 16:39
I really like this little piece, i think that it&#39; s challenging in a way that few fics are. it is nice to read a story that is ambiguous yet succinct, and doesn&#39;t explicitly explain everything to the reader about the character, why they are doing certain things, how they reason these actions and what they are thinking at the time-because conscience isn&#39;t really like that. for this piece you kind of just step into Lex&#39;s being for the time, and leave shortly after- not really knowing him any better or worse than before. It is kind of similar to Bret Easton Ellis (author of American Psycho, Rules of Attraction...)- it is not written so that you can understand where the character is coming from and be able to justify their actions, you kind of just hop into a person&#39;s mind and then back out again.

This fic says so much with so little and really makes the reader think and interpret what they are reading.

“It’s ok, I’m here.”

And for a moment, here in the darkness, he almost believes it.

ok, killer line. when i first read that i wasn&#39;t sure if Lex or Chloe had said it, and i thought that the "almost believes it" was doubt with reference to Lex believing that everything was ok. and then i thought that it may be an existential comment. Then i settled on the fact that it was really clever line, and could be both.

So i did enjoy this fic- as you can probably tell from my book report type feedback. And i really liked reading other peoples analysis of it as well, interesting to see how other people saw things, views that were pretty different to mine, but also entirely probable. Great Job&#33;

vardaquareien
27th November 2003, 07:54
Originally posted by madame_sosostris@Nov 20 2003, 06:28 PM
“It’s ok, I’m here.”

And for a moment, here in the darkness, he almost believes it.
It been said several times already but I just have to say it again...awesome line&#33; The way I took it was that his &#39;almost believing it&#39; was in reference to him being there for Chloe. I&#39;m not sure if this is something that you meant to come across or not. I guess from lines like:
The other occupant of the bed stirs and instinctively moves toward him. He has nowhere to retreat. So he stays.This is what I think fueled that idea for me. The idea that although he can&#39;t, he wishes to retreat from Chloe. Due to this, I felt that the entire &#39;trapped&#39; feeling that comes for Lex is steming form his relationship with Chloe. Does any of this make sense? I know what I mean in my head but it&#39;s not coming out right&#33;

Everyone else has commented on the journey that Lex takes through the castle and so everything I thought has already been pretty much summed up on that score.

Wonderful piece. I hope to see more writing fro you&#33;

Lel
27th November 2003, 11:48
I agree with what everyone has written here(how very unoriginal of me)

It is unusual to find a piece of chlex writing that does not have everything with the world okay as long as chloe and lex are together, the way you suggest that things are not what they seem on the surface if fantastic.

This is a great piece of writing.

Lel x

Clannadlvr
30th November 2003, 02:16
Fantastic. Absolutely fantastic.

I have to say my favorite element of this piece is the opening of the window. This could be seen so many ways, and that&#39;s what&#39;s so great about this. The open window could be seen as an escape hatch from a life Lex feels that he doesn&#39;t deserve, or a beckoning for something to come into the window, to take him away. Or it could be Lex alowing himself to feel something, the coolness of the breeze, when all of his other sensations are slowly being shut off


I just love the posibilities&#33;

clannadlvr

happy bunny
30th November 2003, 23:13
As it&#39;s been said pretty much by everybody, this is an amazing piece.

Wonderfully dark and leaves so much for the reader to decide, as is evident by the different analysis from each reviewer.

Most of what I wanted to say has already been stated but I just had to tell you how wonderful this is.

:worship2: :worship2:

starmoon
29th April 2005, 22:09
i loved it but the end makes me sad.

slyflame
30th April 2005, 00:33
A lone pilot light of assurance.

That was wonderful.

Nonhalema
17th June 2007, 11:05
Damn that was great

Ami Rose
18th March 2018, 12:52
Oh, I loved it. The end leaves you baffled. Is she really there, or is it just his very hopeful imagination?

mmmmmm, good fic.

~B

Or is he the one not really there...? Great fic!