Kekamarie
28th March 2013, 14:40
It was her twenty seventh birthday and yet she was dressed as though it were her funeral. She was wearing a black dress and black high heels. She had put on mascara and eye shadow so it looked as though she was in mourning.
Today was supposed to be a day to celebrate life, her life, but Chloe just couldn’t bring herself to celebrate. Chloe was completely alone in the world even though she was surrounded by hundreds of people who walked the streets of Metropolis. They were all just blurs to her; none of them mattered any more. Not Lois who had been the family she had needed when the worst had happened, Clark who had been her friend since high school, and even Lana whom she had considered a sister at one point.
The three of them hadn’t talked to her in months and she hadn’t made an attempt to talk to any of them either. There would forever be a never ending feud between all of them. They would always resent her for choosing a different path. A path she had taken that the three of them considered to be the wrong one, although she considered it to be the right one. But who cares what Chloe wants? None of them really ever did. They were only there for her when they had to be. They were around when they needed her to do something, but now that Chloe really thought about it none of them had really been there for her. None of them understood her or her fears.
The fears she had of becoming her mother. Some days she woke in a panic from being haunted in her dreams by demons. Demons who told her what she had to do. Demons that took over her mind and controlled everything she said. Every night she would scream and clutch her head. She could feel them pulsating inside of her, begging her to do what they thought was right. But then she would awaken and realize that she had only dreamed of waking up, and she had never cried out in her sleep. At least that was what he told her. She wasn’t so sure. The dreams seemed so real. It was as though they were telling her what her future held. But he told her not to worry about them, that they would go away in time. He pulled her close to him and she closed her eyes. Even though she had him she still felt alone.
And so she walked alone across the streets of Metropolis. Her destination was the only thing on her mind. The only thing she was aware of was the soft clicking of her heels against the cement of the sidewalks. She walked through people but she didn’t see their faces. Instead she focused on the ground and made sure that she wouldn’t make a misstep and fall. She was accident prone after all and she couldn’t afford yet another trip to the dreadful hospital where only bad things seemed to happen to her.
Her cell phone vibrated as she held it in her hand. But she ignored it; there was no one worth talking to on the other end anyway. After all she was sure that he didn’t know when her birthday was. She was sure that whoever was calling was someone who didn’t accept the choices she had made or it was some bill collector telling her that she was behind on her payments. She held back tears as she thought about how much her life had changed, and how much she had struggled.
She was able to hold the tears back and keep moving forward. Chloe walked three more blocks until she finally reached her destination. The graveyard was deserted as it usually was. It brought Chloe peace to not have to see anyone. She was glad that there weren’t people here who tried to talk to her or push into her. There was no sound but the birds chirping in the trees and her heels as they clicked across the small path that twisted and turned around each line of gravestones. Chloe had taken this path many times, and she knew exactly where she was going. If this had been her first time she would have gotten lost. The graveyard in Metropolis was almost as big as the population that it held inside of its borders.
As she passed the different grave sites she saw flowers left behind by loved ones. There were flowers of all sorts of different colors. Some graves had small flags placed beside the graves to show that they had fought for their country. Chloe tried not to pay too much attention as she walked past all of the graves.
She tried not to care about the tiniest graves which showed the passing of small children. Some of them had been stillborns others had been miscarriages. One she knew was a two year old girl who had died unexpectedly one night. No one knew why the little girl had died.
Her parents were a lovely couple who had been trying to have a baby for six years. When they finally had her they were excited. But there had been complications after her birth and her mother’s uterus had to be removed. The couple could no longer have any more of their own children. But they hadn’t cared because they had this little girl who was the light of their world. She was a miracle that god had given them, so they had said. When she had died neither one of her parents believed in god anymore.
Their lives had been destroyed in one night. They weren’t together anymore. The father had married someone else and had two other children now. The mother had been hospitalized because she just couldn’t continue her life without her daughter. She was driven mad from the grief of losing her only child.
Chloe could picture the woman in her room at Belle Reeve. She would be staring at the window looking at nothing in particular. Her arms would be twisted into a straight jacket and she would feel cold and unwanted. She would feel more alone than Chloe did now and for some terrible reason that made Chloe feel better about her own situation.
As she passed the little girl’s grave she knelt in front of it and brushed her hand over her name. Even though she hadn’t known the family personally the story had resonated in her mind. For some reason she felt a terrible loss, as though something had been stolen from her as well as the little girl’s parents. She guessed that maybe it had. The day she had read about the horrifying news of the small child she had gotten some terrible news as well.
She rose up from the ground brushing off her knees that had been stained with the fresh green grass that grew over the child’s bones. Chloe thought that it was ironic that something could be dead beneath the ground and yet new things could continue to grow. Why wasn’t this child allowed to grow just as the grass was? Why had she been taken so soon? Chloe knew the answers would never be known and yet she asked them anyway. Not just for the girl but for her own reasons as well.
Again she took the path that winded in-between the graves. This time she wouldn’t stop until she was at the place where she had set out to go in the first place. It was a long walk to get to the middle of the cemetery. She passed the Luthor plot, glancing at the graves enough to know who laid where. She always looked at them although she didn’t know why. She had never known Lillian Luthor and yet every time she stared at her name on the marble gravestone she felt her heart lurch. As she looked at the other name on the larger marble gravestone her stomach twisted. Lionel Luthor had never done anything good in this world and she hated that she always had to look at his grave. She didn’t want to remember him. The man who had tried to kill her on multiple occasions and yet she had to look. She told herself that it was because she needed to see that he was really dead and that he couldn’t come after her again.
But sometimes she felt that it was Lionel making her look, just so he could say that he hadn’t been pushed to his grave by her. No, that deed had gone to the pancreatic cancer that had taken him in a slow and painful death.
Chloe had dreams about making him suffer before he died. She remembered being grateful that her wish had come true, and she was afraid of the fact that she had wanted to cause him some of the pain he felt herself. She wanted to get him back for what he had done to her.
Chloe cringed at the thought even now. She wasn’t a bad person and she hated that she still had thoughts like this from time to time. Maybe Clark, Lois, and Lana could see the darkness of her thoughts and maybe that was part of the reason why they were no longer a part of her life.
She turned away from the Luthor graves and walked over to the grave that she had come here to see. Chloe stood in front of it the name on the grave immediately blurred as tears streamed down her cheeks. The pain of losing him still hurt as though she had just lost him yesterday.
The phone in Chloe’s hand buzzed again. She dropped it from her hand and let it hit the grass. The sound from it vibrating was no longer audible to her ears. Chloe wished that she hadn’t brought the damned thing with her in the first place.
The sun beat down on Chloe’s body as she stood at the grave. She wished that the weather matched her mood. It would make it easier on her if the sky was gray, or even if it would rain.
How could she celebrate her own life when there were so many lives that were no longer here? How could she enjoy her birthday when she had no one to enjoy it with? Except for him she knew that she could enjoy it with him if she wanted. She also knew that she wouldn’t feel so alone if she just let him have her completely. If she gave up parts of her that she had closed off to everyone else. But why should she allow herself to be happy when there were so many who were suffering?
Once again she was reminded of the mother who had lost her child. The poor woman was suffering in grief, and she no longer had the man she loved. Why should she get to enjoy some sort of happiness when there were people like her who were suffering in the world?
She also couldn’t imagine giving everything to him when she may in a few years turn into her own mother who had gone crazy. How could she let him in? Give him some sort of happiness as well and then not be there any longer to keep him happy. Her throat ran dry as she thought about it.
This wasn’t something that she could do. There were just too many unknowns. It was possible that she might lose him just as quickly as she lost her father and she wasn’t sure that she could live through that. Hell she was barely living now. Chloe couldn’t even begin to imagine if they had a child and then lost it. She was sure that their fate would turn into the fate of the parents that had lost their two year old. Although she wasn’t sure that he would be able to move on with someone else. The pain would be too great for both of them. But he was stronger than her, and he wouldn’t go crazy like she would.
Because Chloe had been thinking about nothing but the grave she was standing in front of, she hadn’t heard a car that had pulled into the graveyard. She didn’t hear a door open or a person walking behind her. It wasn’t until she felt a hand on her arm that she realized there was someone else in the graveyard with her. “Chloe.” He had said softly. His eyes showed that he understood why she was here and why she was crying. His fingers brushed the tears away strategically. Then his arm wrapped around her body pulling her to him. “I tried to call you.” He cupped her cheek. His hand was warm against her face and she leaned against it. Her longing to be alone suddenly faded away. She was glad that he was here. That someone cared that she existed. “Chloe.” His other hand was on her face now and his face was twisted in concern. “Sweetheart what’s going on?”
Her eyes went up to his and then she looked down at the ground. “I just…” She trailed off she didn’t know what to say to him.
“I understand why you came here. I just don’t understand why you didn’t tell me. I would have come with you.”
“I didn’t want you to come.” Chloe pulled away from him and faced the grave again. She knew that he wouldn’t leave her. Even if she had told him to leave he wouldn’t. He could see how broken she was. He had been seeing it for weeks.
He placed his hand in hers and stared at the grave along with her. “He’d be proud you know. Of the woman you have become.”
Chloe laughed. “Some person I am. I have no friends, no family, no job, and no home to call my own.”
He gripped her hand tightly. “You have me.” He assured her. “And your dad would see the person you are Chloe. He wouldn’t care about anything else.”
Chloe stared at the man who was dressed in a black suit and who had on a blood red tie. He was ridiculously handsome and his shiny bald head just added to his attractiveness. She had been in love with him since she had been seventeen. “I have nothing Lex. I have nothing.”
He brushed her short blond hair through his fingers. “So I guess I am nothing then?” He stared at her curiously.
Chloe shook her head at him. “You can’t really love me.” Her eyes drifted back to the grave in front of her. She could read her father’s name more clearly now. Then she glanced at the grave next to his and stared at her mother’s name.
“But I do.” He touched her shoulder.
Chloe glanced up into his face again. She believed him, in fact she had believed him the first time he had said it a few months ago. “What if it all turns to shit?” Chloe muttered under her breath.
But she was talking to Lex Luthor the man who never let anything escape him. “It won’t if we both fight hard enough.”
“You can’t know that. Things happen Lex. People die. Diseases take over.”
“Yes things do happen but life always goes on.” He touched her face again and pressed a soft kiss on her lips. “I’ll fight to keep you. I’ll help you in any way I can to get past this rough spot you are facing. I wish I could change all of their minds but I can’t. But what you did Chloe it was the right thing you have to believe that.”
“I destroyed everything.”
He touched her lips with his finger tips. “You didn’t destroy anything. They did. They are the ones who could never accept you Chloe. They are the ones who used you time and time again. They are the ones who have walked out on you when you needed them the most. You did the right thing.”
“I wish I could believe that.” Her lips tingled as he touched them but she didn’t back away, the touch felt good to her.
He pulled her into him again and kissed her deeply. “Believe it Chloe. Believe that the choices that we have made together have been the rights ones. That this new path you are on is the right one. If you don’t believe it then you know you don’t have to continue. You don’t have to help me.”
“I’ve helped you kill people Lex. How is that the right thing?”
“We never intended for it to happen. If Clark hadn’t gotten in the way of our plans…”
“So it’s his fault that one hundred people are dead?”
Lex sighed and gripped her shoulders. “That wasn’t us we didn’t do that.”
“No but we pushed him. We pushed him so hard that he decided to take matters into his own hands.” Chloe wanted to cry again. Sure the incident had happened months ago but it was still fresh in her mind. She and Lex had been involved with each other since they had reconnected through an interview that she had done with him when she still had her job at the Daily Planet. Lex told her of the plan that he had for those who were suffering. He had come up with a cure to save people from cancer. He had found a way to recreate the excess of white blood cells that he had to fight disease and to heal faster. But the project wasn’t completely effective. The scientist that had been working with them was getting anxious. He wanted to reap in the profits from this cure. They were pushing him to fix it and he told him one day that he had. But he had lied to them. The cure hadn’t been perfected.
When the scientist had gone into the hospital he had come face to face with Clark. Clark had threatened to destroy everything that they had been working on. He wasn’t happy that Lex and Chloe were having a relationship. He also wasn’t happy that they had planned this cure to save people.
The scientist had been having second thoughts as he entered the hospital. He was going to leave when Clark had stopped him. After he agreed that he wouldn’t help Lex and Chloe anymore and Clark left. The man went back to what he had originally intended to do. He started to inject everyone in the hospital. What was supposed to cure the patients had actually made their problems worse. Slowly but surely everyone who had been injected started to die.
Chloe and Lex had never been looked at as suspects because they had covered their tracks with the scientist. The only one who seemed to know anything about their involvement was Clark.
After the incident Clark, Lois, and Lana turned against her. They said that she and Lex knew that what they had created would kill people. They wouldn’t believe her when she tried to explain the truth. They told her that they wouldn’t be involved in her life anymore unless she left Lex. They all said how worried they were that Lex was corrupting her. Because of course they didn’t think that she could make her own choices, and that she would never allow someone to control her. But they didn’t know her and they didn’t know Lex. They didn’t understand the guilt that she felt. The guilt she still was feeling.
She lost her job at the Planet because of her involvement with Lex. She could no longer report on the stories of Metropolis if she was dating what people said was “the owner” of the city. So within just a few weeks her life that she had known had been over. She didn’t have her friends and she didn’t have any family.
She missed her father more than anything and she wished that he hadn’t died. She wished that he hadn’t been in the bank that two robbers had decided to invade. She wished that he hadn’t stood up to them. That he hadn’t tried to stop them. But he had and he had gotten shot. She wished that he had been killed instantly but he hadn’t. He had suffered just as Lionel had suffered, and just as her mother had suffered.
This was the way the world worked. It was completely unfair and was full of suffering. How could she be happy when there were so many people who had lost their loved ones because of her? The thing that she believed in was taken away, was destroyed in an instant. Life could be destroyed in just a few simple seconds. So why should she risk it? Why should she risk leaving someone else with their unhappiness because of her? Why was Lex still here beside her when she could barely look at herself in the mirror?
She didn’t blame him for what happened. She couldn’t. He was never a bad man like people thought. He was simply misunderstood. She was the one who had the terrible thoughts and terrible dreams. He was the one who held her towards the light. There was no way that she would ever blame him for what had happened. Everything that had happened had been her fault and hers alone.
“It’s my fault Lex.”
“No Chloe it’s not your fault. We didn’t know. It’s not our fault.”
“I can’t move past it.”
“You have to. Chloe you have to. This wasn’t your fault.” He wanted to shake her over and over again. He wanted her to understand that there was nothing that she could have done to prevent the incident from happening. There was no way that either of them could have known what the scientist was going to do.
Chloe started to cry again. “How can I be happy when everything can be destroyed so quickly? What if I lose you? What if you lose me? How will we survive? How will we be able to move forward without going mad?”
“You think far too much Chloe.” He wrapped his arms around her again. “I can’t promise that our lives are going to be perfect. I can’t guarantee that I am going to be around tomorrow. I can’t tell you if you will have your mother’s condition. I can’t tell you why the incident happened. All I know is that things happen for a reason and all we can do is go along for the ride. But I would much rather take the ride with you than without you. I won’t let you go Chloe. I won’t let our lives turn to shit as much as I can help it. I want to see you happy again. I want to erase what has happened and see you be happy again. I want Clark, Lois, and Lana to understand and to accept you. I want to give you everything. But I can’t Chloe. All I can give you is my love. Can’t that be enough? Can that be enough for you to be happy again?” Lex looked into her eyes as he held her shoulders. He hoped that somehow she would stop and realize that this wasn’t her fault and that she deserved to be happy. But he had been trying to convince her for months and it just wasn’t working. He didn’t know how to get through to her. Although he was sure that if Gabe were still alive he would know how.
Chloe buried her head into his chest and breathed in his scent. “I’m scared Lex.” She mumbled into his shirt.
He cupped the back of her head. “Just forget about the future Chloe and forget about the past. What do you want right now in this moment? What will be enough to make you happy right now if nothing else was affecting your happiness?”
Chloe fisted her hands in his suit coat. She buried her head deeper into him. “There are things that I can’t forget.” Her voice was barely audible.
“Pretend that you can Chloe. Tell me what would make you happy.” Lex ran his fingers through her hair attempting to comfort her the best way that he could. He was sure that she was going to tell him that she would want her friends back and that she would want her father back. She would want back all of the things that wouldn’t be possible for him to give to her.
Chloe pulled her head back from his chest and stared into his face. “If nothing else mattered?”
“Yes pretend nothing else matters.”
She stared at the ground and then she turned and stared at her father’s and mother’s graves. Then she glanced over at the Luthor plot. She realized how similar she was to Lex. How his mother had also gone crazy in a way. How his father had been killed by something unexpected just as her father had. How both of their father’s had suffered before they died. How she could heal people and he could heal himself. Not only that but she knew that they both suffered from dark thoughts and that they both had been used by the people that they loved the most.
Chloe thought about what she would want if nothing had happened in her past to make her feel so guilty. She thought about what she would want if she wasn’t so worried about the future. A wind blew through the air at that moment brushing across Chloe’s face in a caressing gesture and she thought that it was her father. She didn’t know why she thought that. She thought that maybe she was a little crazy. But she was sure that it might be possible. After all she had seen what the green meteor rocks could do. She was sure that sprits could exist in the world as well.
Her eyes turned back to Lex’s knowing that he was still waiting for an answer. She could see all of the worry that he had for her within his gorgeous blue-gray eyes and she knew just as she had known on the day they had started their relationship that he loved her. Chloe moved back into his arms and she touched his face. “You.” She whispered and then she pulled his face close to hers and kissed him. “You.” She said again against his lips.
Lex was surprised. He hadn’t expected her to say that she wanted him. That he could make her happy. He loved her and he would have picked her if she had been the one who was asking instead of him. But he knew how much the people that she had lost meant to her. He was surprised that she was choosing him when she hadn’t lost him and she wasn’t going to lose him. His hands went to her face. “I love you so much Chloe. We can work on this. We can work on making you happy again. I’ll do whatever it takes.”
She nuzzled her nose against his face. “Alright.” She finally agreed after months of fighting him. She wanted to be happy again and he was right there was no way to know what was going to happen in the future. There was no way to know if tragedy would strike them down. But as long as she had him maybe she would be strong enough to withstand the tragedy. Maybe just maybe their love for each other would be enough.
Lex kissed her and then he backed away from her and went to his car. He pulled out the lilies that he had brought for her and handed them to her. “Happy birthday Chloe.”
“You knew?” She took the lilies from his hands. Then she brought them to her face and smelled them.
“Of course I knew. Now let me take you home. To my home, to our home if that is what you want.”
Chloe glanced up at him from the flowers. She wasn’t sure if that was what she wanted. She wasn’t sure that she was ready to move in with Lex. Sure she loved him but she also liked her freedom. “Lex I…”
“If your father were still here I’d ask him first. But I want you Chloe. I want you forever. No matter what happens to us. I’ll never leave you Chloe. I’ll never stop loving you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”
Her eyes looked into his with surprise. He had just proposed for her to move in with him and now he was proposing marriage? “Lex I…”
He laughed and kissed her forehead. “Take as long as you need Chloe. I didn’t mean to make things worse. I want to make them better. Just let me know what step you want to take next.”
“Right now I’ll just take your love.” Chloe told him. “The rest I need some time for. I need to be happy again. I need to get rid of all of this guilt that I feel.”
“I understand Chloe. Now come on I’ll take you home.” He put his arm around her and led her to the car.
Chloe had come here to mourn. She had felt completely alone. But she was leaving with her lover and she knew that she could no longer feel alone. He was always going to be there for her. He was always going to do his best to take care of her. Their lives could turn upside down and he would still be there beside her. There were no happy endings in life but at least through love she knew that she could keep Lex forever.
Maybe that was enough. The love she had for him and the love he had for her. Love that was what life was all about. All she needed was just one person to love her and she would never be alone. She took his hand and stared into his eyes. “I’ll never leave you either. I love you Lex.” And there they were the three words that she had yet to say to him. The three words that made her feel as though she wasn’t truly alone. Through those words she let herself feel a small bit of happiness.
Today was supposed to be a day to celebrate life, her life, but Chloe just couldn’t bring herself to celebrate. Chloe was completely alone in the world even though she was surrounded by hundreds of people who walked the streets of Metropolis. They were all just blurs to her; none of them mattered any more. Not Lois who had been the family she had needed when the worst had happened, Clark who had been her friend since high school, and even Lana whom she had considered a sister at one point.
The three of them hadn’t talked to her in months and she hadn’t made an attempt to talk to any of them either. There would forever be a never ending feud between all of them. They would always resent her for choosing a different path. A path she had taken that the three of them considered to be the wrong one, although she considered it to be the right one. But who cares what Chloe wants? None of them really ever did. They were only there for her when they had to be. They were around when they needed her to do something, but now that Chloe really thought about it none of them had really been there for her. None of them understood her or her fears.
The fears she had of becoming her mother. Some days she woke in a panic from being haunted in her dreams by demons. Demons who told her what she had to do. Demons that took over her mind and controlled everything she said. Every night she would scream and clutch her head. She could feel them pulsating inside of her, begging her to do what they thought was right. But then she would awaken and realize that she had only dreamed of waking up, and she had never cried out in her sleep. At least that was what he told her. She wasn’t so sure. The dreams seemed so real. It was as though they were telling her what her future held. But he told her not to worry about them, that they would go away in time. He pulled her close to him and she closed her eyes. Even though she had him she still felt alone.
And so she walked alone across the streets of Metropolis. Her destination was the only thing on her mind. The only thing she was aware of was the soft clicking of her heels against the cement of the sidewalks. She walked through people but she didn’t see their faces. Instead she focused on the ground and made sure that she wouldn’t make a misstep and fall. She was accident prone after all and she couldn’t afford yet another trip to the dreadful hospital where only bad things seemed to happen to her.
Her cell phone vibrated as she held it in her hand. But she ignored it; there was no one worth talking to on the other end anyway. After all she was sure that he didn’t know when her birthday was. She was sure that whoever was calling was someone who didn’t accept the choices she had made or it was some bill collector telling her that she was behind on her payments. She held back tears as she thought about how much her life had changed, and how much she had struggled.
She was able to hold the tears back and keep moving forward. Chloe walked three more blocks until she finally reached her destination. The graveyard was deserted as it usually was. It brought Chloe peace to not have to see anyone. She was glad that there weren’t people here who tried to talk to her or push into her. There was no sound but the birds chirping in the trees and her heels as they clicked across the small path that twisted and turned around each line of gravestones. Chloe had taken this path many times, and she knew exactly where she was going. If this had been her first time she would have gotten lost. The graveyard in Metropolis was almost as big as the population that it held inside of its borders.
As she passed the different grave sites she saw flowers left behind by loved ones. There were flowers of all sorts of different colors. Some graves had small flags placed beside the graves to show that they had fought for their country. Chloe tried not to pay too much attention as she walked past all of the graves.
She tried not to care about the tiniest graves which showed the passing of small children. Some of them had been stillborns others had been miscarriages. One she knew was a two year old girl who had died unexpectedly one night. No one knew why the little girl had died.
Her parents were a lovely couple who had been trying to have a baby for six years. When they finally had her they were excited. But there had been complications after her birth and her mother’s uterus had to be removed. The couple could no longer have any more of their own children. But they hadn’t cared because they had this little girl who was the light of their world. She was a miracle that god had given them, so they had said. When she had died neither one of her parents believed in god anymore.
Their lives had been destroyed in one night. They weren’t together anymore. The father had married someone else and had two other children now. The mother had been hospitalized because she just couldn’t continue her life without her daughter. She was driven mad from the grief of losing her only child.
Chloe could picture the woman in her room at Belle Reeve. She would be staring at the window looking at nothing in particular. Her arms would be twisted into a straight jacket and she would feel cold and unwanted. She would feel more alone than Chloe did now and for some terrible reason that made Chloe feel better about her own situation.
As she passed the little girl’s grave she knelt in front of it and brushed her hand over her name. Even though she hadn’t known the family personally the story had resonated in her mind. For some reason she felt a terrible loss, as though something had been stolen from her as well as the little girl’s parents. She guessed that maybe it had. The day she had read about the horrifying news of the small child she had gotten some terrible news as well.
She rose up from the ground brushing off her knees that had been stained with the fresh green grass that grew over the child’s bones. Chloe thought that it was ironic that something could be dead beneath the ground and yet new things could continue to grow. Why wasn’t this child allowed to grow just as the grass was? Why had she been taken so soon? Chloe knew the answers would never be known and yet she asked them anyway. Not just for the girl but for her own reasons as well.
Again she took the path that winded in-between the graves. This time she wouldn’t stop until she was at the place where she had set out to go in the first place. It was a long walk to get to the middle of the cemetery. She passed the Luthor plot, glancing at the graves enough to know who laid where. She always looked at them although she didn’t know why. She had never known Lillian Luthor and yet every time she stared at her name on the marble gravestone she felt her heart lurch. As she looked at the other name on the larger marble gravestone her stomach twisted. Lionel Luthor had never done anything good in this world and she hated that she always had to look at his grave. She didn’t want to remember him. The man who had tried to kill her on multiple occasions and yet she had to look. She told herself that it was because she needed to see that he was really dead and that he couldn’t come after her again.
But sometimes she felt that it was Lionel making her look, just so he could say that he hadn’t been pushed to his grave by her. No, that deed had gone to the pancreatic cancer that had taken him in a slow and painful death.
Chloe had dreams about making him suffer before he died. She remembered being grateful that her wish had come true, and she was afraid of the fact that she had wanted to cause him some of the pain he felt herself. She wanted to get him back for what he had done to her.
Chloe cringed at the thought even now. She wasn’t a bad person and she hated that she still had thoughts like this from time to time. Maybe Clark, Lois, and Lana could see the darkness of her thoughts and maybe that was part of the reason why they were no longer a part of her life.
She turned away from the Luthor graves and walked over to the grave that she had come here to see. Chloe stood in front of it the name on the grave immediately blurred as tears streamed down her cheeks. The pain of losing him still hurt as though she had just lost him yesterday.
The phone in Chloe’s hand buzzed again. She dropped it from her hand and let it hit the grass. The sound from it vibrating was no longer audible to her ears. Chloe wished that she hadn’t brought the damned thing with her in the first place.
The sun beat down on Chloe’s body as she stood at the grave. She wished that the weather matched her mood. It would make it easier on her if the sky was gray, or even if it would rain.
How could she celebrate her own life when there were so many lives that were no longer here? How could she enjoy her birthday when she had no one to enjoy it with? Except for him she knew that she could enjoy it with him if she wanted. She also knew that she wouldn’t feel so alone if she just let him have her completely. If she gave up parts of her that she had closed off to everyone else. But why should she allow herself to be happy when there were so many who were suffering?
Once again she was reminded of the mother who had lost her child. The poor woman was suffering in grief, and she no longer had the man she loved. Why should she get to enjoy some sort of happiness when there were people like her who were suffering in the world?
She also couldn’t imagine giving everything to him when she may in a few years turn into her own mother who had gone crazy. How could she let him in? Give him some sort of happiness as well and then not be there any longer to keep him happy. Her throat ran dry as she thought about it.
This wasn’t something that she could do. There were just too many unknowns. It was possible that she might lose him just as quickly as she lost her father and she wasn’t sure that she could live through that. Hell she was barely living now. Chloe couldn’t even begin to imagine if they had a child and then lost it. She was sure that their fate would turn into the fate of the parents that had lost their two year old. Although she wasn’t sure that he would be able to move on with someone else. The pain would be too great for both of them. But he was stronger than her, and he wouldn’t go crazy like she would.
Because Chloe had been thinking about nothing but the grave she was standing in front of, she hadn’t heard a car that had pulled into the graveyard. She didn’t hear a door open or a person walking behind her. It wasn’t until she felt a hand on her arm that she realized there was someone else in the graveyard with her. “Chloe.” He had said softly. His eyes showed that he understood why she was here and why she was crying. His fingers brushed the tears away strategically. Then his arm wrapped around her body pulling her to him. “I tried to call you.” He cupped her cheek. His hand was warm against her face and she leaned against it. Her longing to be alone suddenly faded away. She was glad that he was here. That someone cared that she existed. “Chloe.” His other hand was on her face now and his face was twisted in concern. “Sweetheart what’s going on?”
Her eyes went up to his and then she looked down at the ground. “I just…” She trailed off she didn’t know what to say to him.
“I understand why you came here. I just don’t understand why you didn’t tell me. I would have come with you.”
“I didn’t want you to come.” Chloe pulled away from him and faced the grave again. She knew that he wouldn’t leave her. Even if she had told him to leave he wouldn’t. He could see how broken she was. He had been seeing it for weeks.
He placed his hand in hers and stared at the grave along with her. “He’d be proud you know. Of the woman you have become.”
Chloe laughed. “Some person I am. I have no friends, no family, no job, and no home to call my own.”
He gripped her hand tightly. “You have me.” He assured her. “And your dad would see the person you are Chloe. He wouldn’t care about anything else.”
Chloe stared at the man who was dressed in a black suit and who had on a blood red tie. He was ridiculously handsome and his shiny bald head just added to his attractiveness. She had been in love with him since she had been seventeen. “I have nothing Lex. I have nothing.”
He brushed her short blond hair through his fingers. “So I guess I am nothing then?” He stared at her curiously.
Chloe shook her head at him. “You can’t really love me.” Her eyes drifted back to the grave in front of her. She could read her father’s name more clearly now. Then she glanced at the grave next to his and stared at her mother’s name.
“But I do.” He touched her shoulder.
Chloe glanced up into his face again. She believed him, in fact she had believed him the first time he had said it a few months ago. “What if it all turns to shit?” Chloe muttered under her breath.
But she was talking to Lex Luthor the man who never let anything escape him. “It won’t if we both fight hard enough.”
“You can’t know that. Things happen Lex. People die. Diseases take over.”
“Yes things do happen but life always goes on.” He touched her face again and pressed a soft kiss on her lips. “I’ll fight to keep you. I’ll help you in any way I can to get past this rough spot you are facing. I wish I could change all of their minds but I can’t. But what you did Chloe it was the right thing you have to believe that.”
“I destroyed everything.”
He touched her lips with his finger tips. “You didn’t destroy anything. They did. They are the ones who could never accept you Chloe. They are the ones who used you time and time again. They are the ones who have walked out on you when you needed them the most. You did the right thing.”
“I wish I could believe that.” Her lips tingled as he touched them but she didn’t back away, the touch felt good to her.
He pulled her into him again and kissed her deeply. “Believe it Chloe. Believe that the choices that we have made together have been the rights ones. That this new path you are on is the right one. If you don’t believe it then you know you don’t have to continue. You don’t have to help me.”
“I’ve helped you kill people Lex. How is that the right thing?”
“We never intended for it to happen. If Clark hadn’t gotten in the way of our plans…”
“So it’s his fault that one hundred people are dead?”
Lex sighed and gripped her shoulders. “That wasn’t us we didn’t do that.”
“No but we pushed him. We pushed him so hard that he decided to take matters into his own hands.” Chloe wanted to cry again. Sure the incident had happened months ago but it was still fresh in her mind. She and Lex had been involved with each other since they had reconnected through an interview that she had done with him when she still had her job at the Daily Planet. Lex told her of the plan that he had for those who were suffering. He had come up with a cure to save people from cancer. He had found a way to recreate the excess of white blood cells that he had to fight disease and to heal faster. But the project wasn’t completely effective. The scientist that had been working with them was getting anxious. He wanted to reap in the profits from this cure. They were pushing him to fix it and he told him one day that he had. But he had lied to them. The cure hadn’t been perfected.
When the scientist had gone into the hospital he had come face to face with Clark. Clark had threatened to destroy everything that they had been working on. He wasn’t happy that Lex and Chloe were having a relationship. He also wasn’t happy that they had planned this cure to save people.
The scientist had been having second thoughts as he entered the hospital. He was going to leave when Clark had stopped him. After he agreed that he wouldn’t help Lex and Chloe anymore and Clark left. The man went back to what he had originally intended to do. He started to inject everyone in the hospital. What was supposed to cure the patients had actually made their problems worse. Slowly but surely everyone who had been injected started to die.
Chloe and Lex had never been looked at as suspects because they had covered their tracks with the scientist. The only one who seemed to know anything about their involvement was Clark.
After the incident Clark, Lois, and Lana turned against her. They said that she and Lex knew that what they had created would kill people. They wouldn’t believe her when she tried to explain the truth. They told her that they wouldn’t be involved in her life anymore unless she left Lex. They all said how worried they were that Lex was corrupting her. Because of course they didn’t think that she could make her own choices, and that she would never allow someone to control her. But they didn’t know her and they didn’t know Lex. They didn’t understand the guilt that she felt. The guilt she still was feeling.
She lost her job at the Planet because of her involvement with Lex. She could no longer report on the stories of Metropolis if she was dating what people said was “the owner” of the city. So within just a few weeks her life that she had known had been over. She didn’t have her friends and she didn’t have any family.
She missed her father more than anything and she wished that he hadn’t died. She wished that he hadn’t been in the bank that two robbers had decided to invade. She wished that he hadn’t stood up to them. That he hadn’t tried to stop them. But he had and he had gotten shot. She wished that he had been killed instantly but he hadn’t. He had suffered just as Lionel had suffered, and just as her mother had suffered.
This was the way the world worked. It was completely unfair and was full of suffering. How could she be happy when there were so many people who had lost their loved ones because of her? The thing that she believed in was taken away, was destroyed in an instant. Life could be destroyed in just a few simple seconds. So why should she risk it? Why should she risk leaving someone else with their unhappiness because of her? Why was Lex still here beside her when she could barely look at herself in the mirror?
She didn’t blame him for what happened. She couldn’t. He was never a bad man like people thought. He was simply misunderstood. She was the one who had the terrible thoughts and terrible dreams. He was the one who held her towards the light. There was no way that she would ever blame him for what had happened. Everything that had happened had been her fault and hers alone.
“It’s my fault Lex.”
“No Chloe it’s not your fault. We didn’t know. It’s not our fault.”
“I can’t move past it.”
“You have to. Chloe you have to. This wasn’t your fault.” He wanted to shake her over and over again. He wanted her to understand that there was nothing that she could have done to prevent the incident from happening. There was no way that either of them could have known what the scientist was going to do.
Chloe started to cry again. “How can I be happy when everything can be destroyed so quickly? What if I lose you? What if you lose me? How will we survive? How will we be able to move forward without going mad?”
“You think far too much Chloe.” He wrapped his arms around her again. “I can’t promise that our lives are going to be perfect. I can’t guarantee that I am going to be around tomorrow. I can’t tell you if you will have your mother’s condition. I can’t tell you why the incident happened. All I know is that things happen for a reason and all we can do is go along for the ride. But I would much rather take the ride with you than without you. I won’t let you go Chloe. I won’t let our lives turn to shit as much as I can help it. I want to see you happy again. I want to erase what has happened and see you be happy again. I want Clark, Lois, and Lana to understand and to accept you. I want to give you everything. But I can’t Chloe. All I can give you is my love. Can’t that be enough? Can that be enough for you to be happy again?” Lex looked into her eyes as he held her shoulders. He hoped that somehow she would stop and realize that this wasn’t her fault and that she deserved to be happy. But he had been trying to convince her for months and it just wasn’t working. He didn’t know how to get through to her. Although he was sure that if Gabe were still alive he would know how.
Chloe buried her head into his chest and breathed in his scent. “I’m scared Lex.” She mumbled into his shirt.
He cupped the back of her head. “Just forget about the future Chloe and forget about the past. What do you want right now in this moment? What will be enough to make you happy right now if nothing else was affecting your happiness?”
Chloe fisted her hands in his suit coat. She buried her head deeper into him. “There are things that I can’t forget.” Her voice was barely audible.
“Pretend that you can Chloe. Tell me what would make you happy.” Lex ran his fingers through her hair attempting to comfort her the best way that he could. He was sure that she was going to tell him that she would want her friends back and that she would want her father back. She would want back all of the things that wouldn’t be possible for him to give to her.
Chloe pulled her head back from his chest and stared into his face. “If nothing else mattered?”
“Yes pretend nothing else matters.”
She stared at the ground and then she turned and stared at her father’s and mother’s graves. Then she glanced over at the Luthor plot. She realized how similar she was to Lex. How his mother had also gone crazy in a way. How his father had been killed by something unexpected just as her father had. How both of their father’s had suffered before they died. How she could heal people and he could heal himself. Not only that but she knew that they both suffered from dark thoughts and that they both had been used by the people that they loved the most.
Chloe thought about what she would want if nothing had happened in her past to make her feel so guilty. She thought about what she would want if she wasn’t so worried about the future. A wind blew through the air at that moment brushing across Chloe’s face in a caressing gesture and she thought that it was her father. She didn’t know why she thought that. She thought that maybe she was a little crazy. But she was sure that it might be possible. After all she had seen what the green meteor rocks could do. She was sure that sprits could exist in the world as well.
Her eyes turned back to Lex’s knowing that he was still waiting for an answer. She could see all of the worry that he had for her within his gorgeous blue-gray eyes and she knew just as she had known on the day they had started their relationship that he loved her. Chloe moved back into his arms and she touched his face. “You.” She whispered and then she pulled his face close to hers and kissed him. “You.” She said again against his lips.
Lex was surprised. He hadn’t expected her to say that she wanted him. That he could make her happy. He loved her and he would have picked her if she had been the one who was asking instead of him. But he knew how much the people that she had lost meant to her. He was surprised that she was choosing him when she hadn’t lost him and she wasn’t going to lose him. His hands went to her face. “I love you so much Chloe. We can work on this. We can work on making you happy again. I’ll do whatever it takes.”
She nuzzled her nose against his face. “Alright.” She finally agreed after months of fighting him. She wanted to be happy again and he was right there was no way to know what was going to happen in the future. There was no way to know if tragedy would strike them down. But as long as she had him maybe she would be strong enough to withstand the tragedy. Maybe just maybe their love for each other would be enough.
Lex kissed her and then he backed away from her and went to his car. He pulled out the lilies that he had brought for her and handed them to her. “Happy birthday Chloe.”
“You knew?” She took the lilies from his hands. Then she brought them to her face and smelled them.
“Of course I knew. Now let me take you home. To my home, to our home if that is what you want.”
Chloe glanced up at him from the flowers. She wasn’t sure if that was what she wanted. She wasn’t sure that she was ready to move in with Lex. Sure she loved him but she also liked her freedom. “Lex I…”
“If your father were still here I’d ask him first. But I want you Chloe. I want you forever. No matter what happens to us. I’ll never leave you Chloe. I’ll never stop loving you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”
Her eyes looked into his with surprise. He had just proposed for her to move in with him and now he was proposing marriage? “Lex I…”
He laughed and kissed her forehead. “Take as long as you need Chloe. I didn’t mean to make things worse. I want to make them better. Just let me know what step you want to take next.”
“Right now I’ll just take your love.” Chloe told him. “The rest I need some time for. I need to be happy again. I need to get rid of all of this guilt that I feel.”
“I understand Chloe. Now come on I’ll take you home.” He put his arm around her and led her to the car.
Chloe had come here to mourn. She had felt completely alone. But she was leaving with her lover and she knew that she could no longer feel alone. He was always going to be there for her. He was always going to do his best to take care of her. Their lives could turn upside down and he would still be there beside her. There were no happy endings in life but at least through love she knew that she could keep Lex forever.
Maybe that was enough. The love she had for him and the love he had for her. Love that was what life was all about. All she needed was just one person to love her and she would never be alone. She took his hand and stared into his eyes. “I’ll never leave you either. I love you Lex.” And there they were the three words that she had yet to say to him. The three words that made her feel as though she wasn’t truly alone. Through those words she let herself feel a small bit of happiness.