westwingwolf
8th January 2009, 03:31
Title: WikiBlood
Author: westwingwolf
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Don't own Smallville, also don't own People Magazine or Twilight.
Summary: Recent developments have prompted Chloe to make a new addition to everyone's favorite internet encyclopedia. Takes place some time between WikiBigotry and WikiBlessed.
Warning!: If you are a fan of the Twilight series, I urge you TO NOT READ THIS! You won't like it and then will be mad at me, and it's going to be awkward like family members announcing their divorce at Thanksgiving dinner. Trust me, you are missing nothing by skipping this. Just my complete and unrelenting fan propaganda for which I am not ashamed.
WikiBlood
Finding his wife feverishly tapping on the keyboard late into the night was not odd for Lex. On nights when Chloe was fast approaching a deadline, he would awake to find himself alone in bed. Dutifully, he would get up, join her in the office, refill her coffee cup when necessary, and wait for her to finish. He learned quickly never to try and take her away from the computer lest he risk his most precious limb.
However, he knew that this night Chloe wasn’t working on an article…at least not for any newspaper. No, all day she’d been complaining and threatening to do something and sure enough when Lex cautiously glanced at the monitor, there was the Chlexipedia site.
Now, Lex was man enough to admit he could be jealous of what his wife referred to as ‘fictional boyfriends.’ Neither of them could have a proposed ‘freebie list’ simply because it was too likely in their world to meet some such celebrity. Not that he believed, given the chance, Chloe would sleep with another person, but he certainly wasn’t stupid enough to allow such a risk.
Still, while he griped when Chloe drooled over certain men, he did his best to keep his envious behavior at bay so as not to ruin her fantasies. Not too much though because he was fairly certain that as much as Chloe protested, she also secretly liked his possessiveness. Reflected in the fact that many of those fictional character boyfriends shared some feral quality.
So when People magazine’s annual “Sexiest Man Alive” issue arrived at the penthouse, he went through his typical grunting meanwhile thinking nothing out of the ordinary would come from this year’s subject matter. Chloe would make the pressing comment that he should have been included, if not be the cover story. He would complain about how unprofessional that would be and only something his playboyish competitors like Wayne and Queen would do. Secretly, however he was thrilled that his wife still found him sexy.
So for another year, nothing would change except that he might be forced into producing an Australian accent thanks ever so much to Hugh Jackman. This was of course until Chloe was done with the main article and began flipping through the rest of the magazine. And he thought the worst he’d have to endure was her incessant need to smell the scratch and sniff photo of Taye Diggs.
When she found the article entitled “Sexiest Vampire,” her anger was unstoppable. Normally, he found her passion exciting, but since he knew this couldn’t possibly end in bed, he tried everything to keep her mind off the subject. Even gratefully went back to Taye’s page, but alas no luck.
So here he was…at two in the morning…looking over his wife’s shoulder as she typed an article on Chlexipedia about the World’s Sexiest Vampire. He didn’t need to look at the picture to know who she picked. He certainly donned a similar long, black leather duster enough during role-play to know.
Lex glanced over at the peroxide blonde cardboard standee his wife insisted on purchasing. He had won a hard fought battle when he refused to allow it in their bedroom. He couldn’t get dressed with a realistic looking figure seemingly watching him, let alone do anything more interesting.
Turning back to his wife, he saw that not only was there a complete history of Spike’s life posted on the site, but also a discussion questioning why People chose to cater to a fad instead of actually getting long-standing public opinion…an argument that he had heard in detail when Chloe had called the editor earlier in the day. She blasted the magazine for choosing an unkempt, tween-thrilling man-child over other actors with more talent, charisma, and sex appeal and vampires with much more enticing qualifications. If she couldn’t convince them of her beloved Spike, she would have taken Angel, Lestat, Louis, even Gerard Butler’s horrible rendition of Dracula. At this point, he was sure she’d find Nosferatu’s Count Orlok more appealing than any Twilight vampire.
Sure enough, also in her article were reasons as to why Twilight should not be included in the vampire lore. Even Lex chuckled at the thought of vampires sparkling rather than burning to dust in daylight. Frankly, if he was a vampire, he’d rather burn than sparkle. That could in no way be considered manly or sexy.
Chloe had attempted to read through the first book, but even if she could get through the pointless monotony in the beginning, she could never accept the unrealistic characters. As stated in the critique:
What is sexy or realistic about a century old virgin vampire? Vampires might be plausible. Virgin vampires…not so much. Why would anyone over a hundred years old continue to go to high school just because they looked the part? What could possibly be non repulsive about a pedophiliac master vampire who vamps teenagers? Is that what we want to teach our children? Go out and find a dirty old man to keep you in puberty forever!?
Likewise, quirkiness and character flaws were something that she loved in literature but not in the obvious “Look at me! I’m different!” way. And the fact that the main character supposedly loved a so called ‘bad boy’, who wasn’t at all bad, was appalling to any real gripping love story with challenging problems. She compared it to if Lana had fallen for Lex, not because of any real piece of his personality, but because he was perceived to be bad. Then if Lana had seen any of Lex’s true questionable nature, which he had in spades over Edward, she’d never be able to accept it. The mere thought of a relationship with Lana had Lex insisting that Chloe never make that point to him again if he was to keep from having nightmares.
The only woman Lex ever need be in love with him was Chloe. For she loved and accepted his faults, never expected or wanted him to change, and definitely considered him sexy…non sparkleness and all.
Overall, the article wasn’t saying much of anything different than any other critic had said before, but it made his wife feel better. As the intensity of Chloe’s writing continued, Lex thought he better start the coffee now.
Perhaps even retrieve the black leather duster.
The End.
Author: westwingwolf
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Don't own Smallville, also don't own People Magazine or Twilight.
Summary: Recent developments have prompted Chloe to make a new addition to everyone's favorite internet encyclopedia. Takes place some time between WikiBigotry and WikiBlessed.
Warning!: If you are a fan of the Twilight series, I urge you TO NOT READ THIS! You won't like it and then will be mad at me, and it's going to be awkward like family members announcing their divorce at Thanksgiving dinner. Trust me, you are missing nothing by skipping this. Just my complete and unrelenting fan propaganda for which I am not ashamed.
WikiBlood
Finding his wife feverishly tapping on the keyboard late into the night was not odd for Lex. On nights when Chloe was fast approaching a deadline, he would awake to find himself alone in bed. Dutifully, he would get up, join her in the office, refill her coffee cup when necessary, and wait for her to finish. He learned quickly never to try and take her away from the computer lest he risk his most precious limb.
However, he knew that this night Chloe wasn’t working on an article…at least not for any newspaper. No, all day she’d been complaining and threatening to do something and sure enough when Lex cautiously glanced at the monitor, there was the Chlexipedia site.
Now, Lex was man enough to admit he could be jealous of what his wife referred to as ‘fictional boyfriends.’ Neither of them could have a proposed ‘freebie list’ simply because it was too likely in their world to meet some such celebrity. Not that he believed, given the chance, Chloe would sleep with another person, but he certainly wasn’t stupid enough to allow such a risk.
Still, while he griped when Chloe drooled over certain men, he did his best to keep his envious behavior at bay so as not to ruin her fantasies. Not too much though because he was fairly certain that as much as Chloe protested, she also secretly liked his possessiveness. Reflected in the fact that many of those fictional character boyfriends shared some feral quality.
So when People magazine’s annual “Sexiest Man Alive” issue arrived at the penthouse, he went through his typical grunting meanwhile thinking nothing out of the ordinary would come from this year’s subject matter. Chloe would make the pressing comment that he should have been included, if not be the cover story. He would complain about how unprofessional that would be and only something his playboyish competitors like Wayne and Queen would do. Secretly, however he was thrilled that his wife still found him sexy.
So for another year, nothing would change except that he might be forced into producing an Australian accent thanks ever so much to Hugh Jackman. This was of course until Chloe was done with the main article and began flipping through the rest of the magazine. And he thought the worst he’d have to endure was her incessant need to smell the scratch and sniff photo of Taye Diggs.
When she found the article entitled “Sexiest Vampire,” her anger was unstoppable. Normally, he found her passion exciting, but since he knew this couldn’t possibly end in bed, he tried everything to keep her mind off the subject. Even gratefully went back to Taye’s page, but alas no luck.
So here he was…at two in the morning…looking over his wife’s shoulder as she typed an article on Chlexipedia about the World’s Sexiest Vampire. He didn’t need to look at the picture to know who she picked. He certainly donned a similar long, black leather duster enough during role-play to know.
Lex glanced over at the peroxide blonde cardboard standee his wife insisted on purchasing. He had won a hard fought battle when he refused to allow it in their bedroom. He couldn’t get dressed with a realistic looking figure seemingly watching him, let alone do anything more interesting.
Turning back to his wife, he saw that not only was there a complete history of Spike’s life posted on the site, but also a discussion questioning why People chose to cater to a fad instead of actually getting long-standing public opinion…an argument that he had heard in detail when Chloe had called the editor earlier in the day. She blasted the magazine for choosing an unkempt, tween-thrilling man-child over other actors with more talent, charisma, and sex appeal and vampires with much more enticing qualifications. If she couldn’t convince them of her beloved Spike, she would have taken Angel, Lestat, Louis, even Gerard Butler’s horrible rendition of Dracula. At this point, he was sure she’d find Nosferatu’s Count Orlok more appealing than any Twilight vampire.
Sure enough, also in her article were reasons as to why Twilight should not be included in the vampire lore. Even Lex chuckled at the thought of vampires sparkling rather than burning to dust in daylight. Frankly, if he was a vampire, he’d rather burn than sparkle. That could in no way be considered manly or sexy.
Chloe had attempted to read through the first book, but even if she could get through the pointless monotony in the beginning, she could never accept the unrealistic characters. As stated in the critique:
What is sexy or realistic about a century old virgin vampire? Vampires might be plausible. Virgin vampires…not so much. Why would anyone over a hundred years old continue to go to high school just because they looked the part? What could possibly be non repulsive about a pedophiliac master vampire who vamps teenagers? Is that what we want to teach our children? Go out and find a dirty old man to keep you in puberty forever!?
Likewise, quirkiness and character flaws were something that she loved in literature but not in the obvious “Look at me! I’m different!” way. And the fact that the main character supposedly loved a so called ‘bad boy’, who wasn’t at all bad, was appalling to any real gripping love story with challenging problems. She compared it to if Lana had fallen for Lex, not because of any real piece of his personality, but because he was perceived to be bad. Then if Lana had seen any of Lex’s true questionable nature, which he had in spades over Edward, she’d never be able to accept it. The mere thought of a relationship with Lana had Lex insisting that Chloe never make that point to him again if he was to keep from having nightmares.
The only woman Lex ever need be in love with him was Chloe. For she loved and accepted his faults, never expected or wanted him to change, and definitely considered him sexy…non sparkleness and all.
Overall, the article wasn’t saying much of anything different than any other critic had said before, but it made his wife feel better. As the intensity of Chloe’s writing continued, Lex thought he better start the coffee now.
Perhaps even retrieve the black leather duster.
The End.