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View Full Version : Right To Left (PG-13)



Michelle
22nd August 2003, 18:50
Title: Right to Left

Rating: PG-13 (Maybe R?)

Spoilers: A little ‘Tempest’

Distribution: Yeah, but you gotta ask first.

Feedback: Yes. Very yes…Please?

Disclaimer: Of course I own them. They live in my closet and act out
episodes whenever I like (note sarcasm).

Warnings: Maybe swearing, hints at smut.

Summary: Lex invites himself to Chloe’s pity party

Dedication: To Sylver. The grown-up who still has time for a kid like me.


A/N: It’s late, I wrote half a long time ago, ¼ yesterday, and the rest tonight. Sorry if it’s choppy or weird. I’m tired.



Chapter 1/1


Chloe stumbled. “God DAMMIT!” she swore, trying to tame her hair but finding it all but useless. A few minutes prior to Clark’s exit, after all the panicked phone calls, Chloe had set out on a mission. A mission to find a complete moron. So what if he was rescuing Lana? So what if he was her only possible chance for survival? This was her duty, her duty as a complete and utter bitch.

She slowed and looked around hopelessly, realising that her angry decision was exactly that: an angry decision. Or more popularly know as a stupid choice made on the basis that he/she was pissed off. And she was pissed off, so once she promised Pete she wouldn’t try find Clark, she left in search of him. And so far, all she had been doing was tripping over in these ridiculous heels and messing up her carefully styled hair and make-up. She stopped completely and threw her hands up in exasperation, losing balance as a particularly strong gust of wind caused her to topple backwards right onto her butt.

“Fine, I’m just going to sit in this puddle of mud in my new dress and die!” she yelled to nobody. Chloe crossed her arms over her chest, abandoning any attempt to fix herself up. She knew she was acting childish, but damn, she had a right to. Clark had promised her the night of her life. This was the night of her life, all right, the night of her life in which she would either take up celibacy or lesbianism. And she knew a hurricane was coming and she probably should move, but getting up would mean accepting the fact that she’d fallen over in the first place, so she stayed put.

Chloe shivered and wrapped her arms around herself clumsily, the boredom finally catching up with her. Her eyes travelled around, hoping to catch something of interest to occupy in her more at least a few moments. Corn, mud, corn, grass, road, corn, car headlights…hello, what’s this? Her mind began filling with questions like what was this idiot doing driving in the middle of a storm? And better yet, what was she doing walking out in the middle of a storm? She was surprised when the car pulled up right beside her and stopped, she squinted quizzically at the tinted windows until the door opened.

“Get in,” the hidden figure said sharply.

“Oh sure,” Chloe scoffed “Why don’t I get in the car with the crazy guy driving out in the middle of a storm in an expensive car? What a practical thought! Thanks but no thanks”

“Be reasonable,” the person argued smoothly, now moving closer so she could see him “the car isn’t *that* expensive.”

“Mr Luthor!” she gasped, her eyes widening.

“How observant of you,” he drawled “Why don’t you get in the car?”

“Why don’t *you*?” she said, blushing at her stupid reply.

“Three guesses,” he smirked “Now get in the car, the leather’s getting wet.”

“Typical!” Chloe exclaimed, rising shakily to her feet. She slipped in the car, embarrassment sending blood flooding to her cheeks, but at least she got a small hint of satisfaction as she felt mud squidge into the seat. She glanced over to find him studying her as he started the car.

They pulled over onto the road and she tried to organise her hair into some semblance of decency. “I don’t want to talk about it!” she huffed.

“And I certainly don’t want to hear about it,” Lex drawled, turning a corner.

She gaped at him, “So I’m not interesting, am I?” she snapped.

He smirked, “You just said you didn’t want to-“

“Clark is the most annoying person in the history of the world!” she spat.

“How so?” he mocked, and she grew angrier.

“Fine, mock me! I don’t care, let’s all take the piss out of stupid Chloe!”

“What on earth are you rambling about?”

“Well, stupid Clark left me to save stupid Lana even though he stupidly promised not to and I—“

“Stupidly believed him?” Lex suggested, and Chloe frowned.

“Actually, that wasn’t what I was going to say, but it’s nice to know what you think of me.”

“How old are you?” Lex questioned innocently.

“What?” she asked incredulously.

“Well, I was just checking. I heard you were above petty grudges, obviously—“

“Well, I’m not, okay? ‘Oh no, Chloe’s not as strong as she seems,’ What am I, your security blanket? Leave me alone.”

Lex shrugged, and she nestled in the corner. Before long, Lex glanced over at her only to realise that she was sobbing softly. He rolled his eyes. He had no idea how to comfort women, it just wasn’t a talent he happened to possess. Members of the opposite sex were usually to preoccupied with his other talents to notice his poor nurturing skills. He knew he had to do something, but touching was out. She’d probably bite his hand off. So he decided to comfort her in the only way he knew how. No, not that, the other one.

“Do you want a drink?” he asked, pulling over to stop at a middle-class pub. He didn’t feel any guilt about bringing an underage teenager here. He actually had no justification for his actions, but he mentally shrugged his shoulders. He could put up with scandal, but he could not put up with a crying girl.

“You do realise I’m underage, don’t you?” she asked uncertainly.

“You don’t look it. Just think of this as an apology.”

“For what?”

“Not killing Clark with my car,” he answered flatly, jumping out of the door and jogging to dryness of the pub.

She laughed a bit, unsure whether he was serious or not, but appreciating it all the same. Chloe bit her lip, wondering if she should follow him. She wasn’t a big drinker, only a few beers at jock parties, but never enough to get totally smashed. She did like the tingly feelings she got with the alcohol, though. Then a sudden thought made up her mind, ‘they wouldn’t expect me to do it.’ And she ran into the rain, slamming the door behind her.

~~~~~~

“Wondered how long you’d be,” he said slyly, watching her slide into a stool beside him.

“Well, you offered the apple, I just had to take it,” she said mysteriously, making him smile.

“Are you of age, young lady?” the bartender asked, emphasising the word ‘young’.

“She’s with me,” Lex said, flashing his ID. The man’s attitude changed completely and acted as if nothing had happened.

“What can I get you two?”

“Large Scotch,” Lex ordered.

“Lemon Rusky, please,” Chloe said meekly, and Lex look at her with an arched brow.

“I’m giving you a free opportunity to get off your face, and you order a Lemon Rusky?”

“What’s wrong with a Lemon Rusky?” she demanded as the bartender set down the drinks in front of them

“Nothing, I just though you wouldn’t choose something so, I don’t know, girly,” he disregarded her carelessly as he set to work on his own drink. She stared at him, then her hand slammed on the counter.

“Right, er, barkeep! Get me a-a-a large scotch too…on the rocks!” she added, giving Lex a superior smirk. He didn’t feel it was quite the right time to tell her that scotch on the rocks was unpleasant, especially if you couldn’t consume it all in one sitting.

“Barkeep? On the rocks? I can tell I’m dealing with a professional, sorry for my presumptuous behaviour.”

“Not a problem,” she said haughtily, picking up the strong drink that was now in front of her and taking a tentative sip. The affect was instantaneous. Half the drink seemed to arc out of her mouth, and the other half seemed to spurt out of her nose. He rubbed her back soothingly, the coughing and spluttering making him wince.

“Why…didn’t you…tell me?” she gasped, her voice thick.

“You didn’t ask. Come on, we’ll move to a table. Hey, could we have more? Right to left. Keep ‘em coming,” he finished, placing a wad of cash on the counter.

“What does right to left mean?” she hiccoughed, the alcohol still burning her nostrils.

“Hm, maybe you shouldn’t think about that,” Lex answered thoughtfully, as five shots were put in front each of them.

“Oh, bother,” she said vaguely.

“That about sums it up,” he said, watching in amusement as she eyed the drinks. “Look, just wash it down with one big gulp. Don’t give it time to soak into your pallet.”

She tried that, but all it did was produce more coughing and flem, so she took to sipping each one gingerly, grimacing as each sip of the nameless drink ran over her tongue. She finished her first one as Lex was downing his third, his expression not even mildly affected.

“Why is Clark so crap?” she asked no-one in particular, picking up her second glass and taking a sip. She watched in amazement as the bartender replaced the finished drinks with fresh ones.

Lex simply studied his fourth glass before swallowing it; “you’re asking the wrong person.”

“Oh yeah, another admirer who thinks the sun shines out of his ass,” Chloe muttered, “see, that’s what this is all about.”

“This?”

“Yeah, this is my rebellionism. “Don’t you see? This is spontaneous, and completely unlike me, it’s got all the characteristics of a perfectly good rebellion.”

“Good for you,” he said tiredly.

“Yes, very good for me…great, in fact!” she said, feeling a little woozy as she finally drank her last drink, only to have another on reappear as if by magic. “What the…anyway, why did you do this? Not that I’m complaining, but—“

“Heard you crying, didn’t want to,” he said, his voice faraway.

“That’d be sweet if your voice wasn’t so slurred,” she slurred, tossing back a drink and dry-retching.

“Not at all, it was entirely selfish,” he said seriously, and she stared at him for moment.

“It is wrong to be unnaturally drawn to the floor?” she asked, eyeing the polished wood with a childish longing.

“Yes… unless you’re drunk, that is.”

“Oh… good,” she said, just as their five drinks were refreshed simultaneously.

“Hey, wanna race?” Lex asked, surprising Chloe with his tone.

“Alright. Where?” Chloe asked, preparing to rise.

“Not that kind of race, first one to finish all their drinks wins.”

“Wins what?”

What do you want?” Lex asked.

A million things rushed through Chloe’s head at once, too quick to get a firm grasp on, so she blurted the first thing that came to mind,

“Your tie.” He raised his eyebrow but said nothing in response, “What do you want?”

“Hmm, your wrap,” he answered, indicating to the bright pink accessory that still hung from her arms, surprisingly clean.

“Deal,” she agreed, her fingers wrapped around the first shot glass. “Ready?”

“Yes.”

“Go!” Chloe almost yelled, finishing her first drink like oxygen. The second one, however, hit her nails with a ‘thunk’ before she could get a proper hold on it, but by then Lex was finishing his third. Chloe continued without hope until she slammed the last one on the table with a “Gaaaaahhh!” It was a loud, drunk noise that made her feel better.

“Bastard,” she muttered, handing him the wrap, which he promptly tied around his head like a bandanna, the two long tails hanging down his back like a pair of bright pink pigtails.

“Uh, Lex?”

“Mmm?”

“I think you’re more drunk than you’re letting on,” she said suspiciously.

“Want another race?” he asked blearily, watching his drinks being refilled.

She shrugged, the action making her dizzy, “Sure. Why not?”

Two more races later, Chloe was lolled back in her seat. She wore Lex’s bottle green tie in the same style as Lex had been wearing her wrap, and his large shoes replaced her high heels. Lex still had the pink accessory on, but it was now tied around his face so a large bow decorated his bare scalp.

“I wouldn’t exactly call it a bad rela-ship,” Chloe hiccupped, “we just… it was mute…mush…mutual, y’know?”

“No, I don’t know,” he said, his voice tired, “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Lex, where did I go wrong?” she sighed, “one minute it was fine, the next…”

“You’re being picked up by a devastatingly handsome man, where he leads you to a local bar, the end result being you in melancholy, drunken stupor.”

She narrowed her eyes at him, “For a drunk man, you are awfully well-spoken. ‘Cept for the devastatingly part.”

His eyes widened in honest shock, “I’m past devastatingly, I’m…”

“Sorry,” she apologised, “but you are definitely over the hill. Maybe when you were in college, high school even…”

“I’m not over the hill! I’m no way near the hill, the hill is just an insignificant speck on the horizon of my sex life.”

“How poetic,” she drawled, “but poetry is not enough to save you now.”

“Wanna race again?” he interrupted harshly, lining up his glasses.

“Seriously, Lex, I’m gunna die. Can’t drink any more,” she whined, feeling reality slipping further away.

“Poker?” he questioned.

“Poker?!” she exclaimed, laughing for no reason, “We haven’t any…”

“Cards?” he asked, taking out a shiny pack of cards from his pocket, in a way that would have been smooth if he hadn’t clumsily scattered them over the tabletop.

“52 Pick up?” she suggested weakly, helping him gather up the cards. Their hands brushed over each other’s and Chloe felt a warm heat run up her arm, she shivered and looked at him shyly. He rolled his eyes and looked determinedly at the now messy pack of cards.

“I won’t sleep with you, Chloe,” he said quietly, though loud enough for her to hear, “I honestly don’t care what Clark’s done to hurt you, I won’t take advantage of you.”

To hers and his surprise, she giggled, “Lex, I didn’t come here for sex.”

“Why did you come here?” he asked, his eyes dark.

“You brought me here,” she answered. They both nodded. It was true, after all.

“So, poker?” she said loudly, rubbing her hands together in an attempt to get some feeling back into them.

“Yeah. You play?”

“A little,” she said casually. It wasn’t a total lie, she had played a few times with Pete, she just never understood the rules. She watched him deal out the cards professionally, and her resolve was set. She wasn’t going to ask him for help, even if it killed her.

“Woah, what’re we using for…”

“Clothes?”

She blinked, “Lex, you do realise this is a public place? And I thought we had an agreement: no sex.”

“I can get naked and not have sex… but you’re right about the clothes thing…”

“How about we do a swap? My clothes for yours, yours for mine etcetera.”

He grinned crookedly, holding his cards below his chin, “Deal.”

She nodded approvingly before looking at her cards, “Hit me.”

Lex sighed in frustration.

~~~~~~~

By the fifth game, Chloe was sporting Lex’s shoes, socks, tie, jacket and watch, while Lex wore her pantyhose, squeezed his feet into her stilettos, clipped her earrings to his lobes and slipped on the elbow length gloves Chloe had worn especially for the game. She explained she didn’t like them so she took them off at the last minute, but she wanted to be fair to Lex and give him something easier to put on than his last “winnings”: her stockings.

“I’ll see yours,” Lex said, his voice heavy with alcohol. They had finished another six shots each and were having trouble thinking.

“Five pairs,” she grunted, laying her cards on the table. He looked over and saw that it was actually five mismatched cards and he chuckled as he lay down his full house.

“Got nothin’ more to give,” she said thickly.

“Not true,” he murmured, suddenly ducking under the table. She let herself drift for a few moments, and without warning, she felt fingers curl around the waistband of her panties.

“Hey,” she tried half-heartedly, not bothered to get away.

There was more thumping and shuffling, and by that time Chloe had drifted again. She snapped out of it as soon as Lex reappeared, holding something black and shiny his hand.

“Lex, did you take my underwear?” she asked.

“Yesh, but now you get these,” he said, tossing her what appeared to be a pair of boxer shorts. She giggled, her whole body feeling a giant bowl of jell-o.

She pulled them on, with only a minimal amount of difficulty. “Does this mean your wearing my panties?”

“Yeah. I like your choice by the way, comfortable,” he wiggled a little in his chair, and Chloe laughed again, her head flopping to the side.

“Quit stalling, I want to beat you.” He dealt the cards again and Chloe scooped hers up, smiling devilishly. “I win! Royal Flush!”

“Huh? Oh, right…” he said, looking at his hopeless hand.

“Now we have to swap clothes,” Chloe pointed out, standing up, “We’ll go girl’s bathroom, less smells bad in there.”

He stood up, his vision cloudy as he watched the short blonde stumble her way into the bathroom. He followed her, but only because he couldn’t think of anything else to do. His brain felt liquidated, sloshing from side to side in his skull. Before he knew it, his was in a white tiled bathroom that smelt strongly of disinfectant and cigarette smoke.

“Take it off, we need to swap,” Chloe ordered, taking off all the additional clothes she had acquired in their card games so she could remove her dress. A tiny, badly-tuned, barely-heard voice in the back of her mind was screaming at her to stop, but it wasn’t loud enough for her alcohol addled brain.

Lex tugged off his clothes clumsily, undoing buttons and zips with the grace of a retarded hamster. He looked over to see how Chloe was faring, and froze as he saw her wiggle out of her dress. Because of his drunken mind, he had no idea what he was looking at, all he knew was it was good and of the female variety.

Female, as in ‘soft and squidgy’.

He took a wobbling footstep towards her, his hand reaching for the first thing it could reach. Her eye.

“Oww,” she moaned, rubbing at her eye.

“Naked,” Lex said.

“Yeah,” she sighed, scooping up his pants from the floor.

“No!” he said desperately, “not yet…” He got so close that she was no longer a blur, but so clear he had to blink a few times. She was flushed, her face soft-looking and pink, her breath reeked of vodka. He swayed towards her, his lips mashing into hers.

“Oww,” she repeated, but instead of saying ‘naked’ again, Lex leaned in and captured her mouth in a kiss. She groaned softly, letting their tongues touch gently before deepening it. Chloe’s hands went to his bare shoulders to steady herself as his taste invaded her last remaining sense.

Even though most of her was numb, she could feel Lex’s talented tongue doing things that made her knees sag. She wrapped her arms around his neck so as not to fall, and his hands went instinctively about her waist. He couldn’t support them both, however, and they sunk to the floor. Chloe’s legs between his and his arm wrapped around her back so she wouldn’t hit the floor hard. He cupped her head, his thumb brushing over her cheek.

He broke away and began kissing her neck, his tongue gliding over the salty skin and occasionally nibbling at it. Chloe moaned and gasped, and as his lips began to drift over the soft mound of her breast, she flopped back, and passed out. Her gentle snoring made Lex groan in frustration.

He stood up and grabbed the closest garment he could find and tugged it on. It just happened to be Chloe’s dress and it split down to his waist. He ignored it and fell over. Crawling over to Chloe he put his clothes on her, making sure to put them on as properly as he could. When he was satisfied, he flopped back against the wall.

“There, all dressed…” he picked up his cell and pressed redial, hoping it was who he hoped.

“Mr Luthor?”

He grinned, ‘Ah, the wonders of caller I.D,’ “William, I got a situ-situ…problem. I’m drunk up and I have a girl and she’s passed out and I don’t remember where we live.”

“Alright, Mr Luthor, is she with you?”

“Well, yeah, right now, but she’s tired and wants to go home.”

“Where might that be?” William asked patiently.

“Sullivan. I have it in my address book, go look at the address book…hey, I’m poet and I didn’t even realise…”

“Where are you?”

“A pub. I think it’s called witch’s cauldron or magic land… can you come now? I’m tired and we’re in a girl’s bathroom.”

“We’ll leave as soon as we can, Mr Luthor,” the man said efficiently, before her rang off.

Lex smacked his lips, tasting Chloe there, “Mmm, Chloe flavour.” He giggled at his own joke before his body went slack and he fell asleep.



The End.




A/N: Sorry short, so tired, bad ending… must sleep now, oh, and bad grammar, maybe spelling too, no bad mean thing… stupid muse, how come you don’t work early…ah well, sleepy now gbye.

hfce
22nd August 2003, 19:26
:lol: that was the weirdest and most funniest thing I have ever read. Good job. :lol:


Hope

scifichick774
22nd August 2003, 20:02
*blinks*

My first response was 'what the fuck?' but then I erupted into a fit of laughter, so I must commend you on that. Although, I'd love to see it continue with Chloe waking up and still having a piece of Lex's clothing...

Blaire023
22nd August 2003, 22:00
LMFAO, I sat here reading this and the laughter started at Lex apologizing for not killing Clark with his car, and it didn't end there. I love this, it's fucking hilarious!

~B

Sunflow
22nd August 2003, 22:05
That. Was. Amazing :lol:
Nevermind the grammar, this was pure FUN :D Experienced Lex introducing Chloe to the art of getting drunk plus a special team to pick up their boss from whatever bar he's in (a leftover from his younger years?) - LOL. But I'd also love to see the morning after, even as a short piece full of confusion and fluff :chlexsign1:


Lex tugged off his clothes clumsily, undoing buttons and zips with the grace of a retarded hamster.

OMG the mental image of it :lol:

Sunflow

sabby
22nd August 2003, 22:36
So he decided to comfort her in the only way he knew how. No, not that, the other one.

*snickers* that was soo funny, I just love it! Can you do a sequel, pretty please? And Lex in Chloe's dress LMFAO just too good.

hugs,
Sabby

Brittany
23rd August 2003, 07:34
;) That was so strange, but so funny!!! Sequel please!! :biggrin:

lunaluthor
23rd August 2003, 12:55
crossdressing I loved this part, what a hilarious story want more :yay: want more :yay: want more :yay:

Tandy
24th August 2003, 20:45
That was so funny! I could picture them drunk and trying on each others clothes. :lol:

Tandy

Val
25th August 2003, 03:45
That was funny :lol:
I agree with Kris! I'd love to see what happens when they wake up with each others clothes on.

happy bunny
27th August 2003, 01:48
I have to agree with everyone else. That was fucking hilarious. The apology for not killing Clark with his car was too funny! Loved the whole bar thing, I couldn't stop laughing. *snickers* Lex in a dress with a pink bow around his head.

A sequel would be awesome. I want to see what the next day would be like for the two of them. So start working on it. Like now. Please??

marrycherry
27th August 2003, 02:37
YOU REALLY SHOULD DO A SEQUEL OF THIS... I WANNA KNOW WHAT HAPPEN AFTER LEX WAKES UP!!!!!! ;)


:chlexsign3:

Sway
4th September 2003, 13:58
yes. i'm seeing a sequel. please let there be a sequel. dont make me beg.

peepsRfun2eat
20th September 2003, 06:27
[QUOTE=Michelle,Aug 22 2003, 06:50 PM]
“Oh yeah, another admirer who thinks the sun shines out of his ass,” Chloe muttered, “see, that’s what this is all about.”



that line made just crack up. i didn't notice any grammer errors it seemed all good to me.
great story write more.

Ainur
14th November 2004, 04:48
Lex smacked his lips, tasting Chloe there, “Mmm, Chloe flavour.” He giggled at his own joke before his body went slack and he fell asleep.
lmao. I love this last lines. They were fantastic. It was strange and funny. Really liked it! :yay2:

autumngold
14th November 2004, 06:01
I can't stop laughing thinking of Chloe and Lex in each others clothes asleep in the girl's restroom!! Great story!! :biggrin: :chlexsign1: :biggrin:

sylvia
14th November 2004, 06:25
That was crazy and funny. We definitely need a sequel for the hangover and aftermath... pretty please?

FroggyJump
15th November 2004, 15:36
That was excellent great light read. I agree there must be a sequel in there somewhere.


“Not killing Clark with my car,”
That was such a great thing to say.

sydsvaughn
16th November 2004, 03:23
Sequel!!

(and not just because MR tends to look scarily GOOD in women's clothing ;)

I haven't laughed so hard in a while ... and I needed to.. so thank you and please continue!

SaraC

buddyfozzy
19th November 2004, 21:33
Originally posted by Michelle@Aug 22 2003, 06:50 PM
Lex smacked his lips, tasting Chloe there, “Mmm, Chloe flavour.” He giggled at his own joke before his body went slack and he fell asleep.

HAHA! :goof:

welshy
9th April 2005, 18:43
that was frickin hilarious :rofl:

Krysia
10th April 2005, 02:27
I totally agree there just has to be a sequel! Please?! Pretty please! with chocolate Lex on top.

LarkLuthor
10th April 2005, 03:41
Very weird but rather amusing...

Lark

starmoon
12th April 2005, 02:01
great story please write another one.

bluefang
15th January 2006, 11:30
:rofl: wow that was great. lol nvr read them both drunk before it was halarious, nice work.

chloe flavor...lol

Kikina
15th January 2006, 13:15
Would like to see the morning after ;) (a bit of awkwardness couldn´t hurt:D )
Would you write a sequel, pleease?