The Love/Hate Game - NC-17, Completed 6/5/08

[Firebunny]

Title: The Love/Hate Game
By: Firebunny
Pairing (Tripling?): Clark/Lex/Chloe
Rating: NC-17
Spoilers: Sometime after Promise, but before Phantom.
Disclaimer: I have no legal right to write this story. And it’s probably ethically wrong as well.
Author’s Notes: I wrote this last summer, so it’s about a year old now. It’s the first dirty, raunchy, wrong, wrong, wrong crack!fic I wrote. Since then I’ve somehow developed a little reputation for them.
Originally it was only going to be 4 chapters long, but blossomed (or degenerated) into 14. The end of chapter 4 has a pseudo ending and after that it jumps backwards in time and the tone sort of changes a bit.

Word Count (for the total fic): 13,574


Chapter One
How It Began

It started two months ago when Lex invited Clark and Chloe over to the mansion.

“Why did you summon us?” Clark asks warily.

“It’s Thursday,” Lex says as he stands up from behind his desk and walks to where he keeps the liquor. “One of you is bound to barge into my office today and accuse me of some nefarious crime. I thought it would be more convenient to schedule it. And maybe we can share a cognac while you tell me off.”

“What have you done this time?” Clark asks.

“I’m sure you’ll come up with something,” Lex says as he pours the amber liquid into three snifters. “But in case you don’t, may I suggest something else?”

“What?” Chloe asks.

Lex holds out the glasses of cognac. “If you can’t find a reason to hate me, try loving me,” he says.

“There isn’t a single inch of you that could be loved,” Clark says as he refuses his glass.

Chloe, to Lex’s delight, accepts hers.

“I don’t know,” Lex says. “I think I have several inches you could love. But you can still hate me if you want. We could switch it up, make it random. We wouldn’t know who’s doing the loving or the hating. It could be like a game. Game’s are fun.”

“All three of us?” Chloe asks as she takes a sip of her cognac.

“All three of us,” Lex says.

“You’re disgusting.” Clark turns towards the door. “Come on, Chloe. We’re leaving.”

But Chloe doesn’t move.

“If Clark doesn’t play does that mean the game’s off?” she asks.

“Absolutely not,” Lex says. “I’d love to play with just you.”

“Chloe!” Clark spins around. “I’m not leaving you alone with him.”

Lex smiles. “Perfect.”


The Rules of the Game

So now they meet every Thursday night in one of the forgotten rooms of the mansion. It’s simply furnished with a table, three chairs and a huge king size bed.

Lex brings the cards and refreshments. Chloe brings the condoms, rubber gloves and the economy size pump bottle of lube. Clark doesn’t bring anything, because, as he says every time before they start the game, “I’m only here to make sure Chloe’s safe.” Still, that doesn’t stop him from playing.

They sit around the table and Lex spreads the cards out face down. There are 11 of them. Five say ‘Love,’ five say ‘Hate’ and one says ‘Indifferent.’

Without looking, the players must select two cards and pass one each to the other players. If you’re passed a Hate card you have to yell and rant at the player who passed it to you. If you’re passed the Love card you have to love them, at least physically. If you want to love them emotionally that’s up to you. If you’re passed the Indifferent card then you have to ignore that player. It’s the Indifferent card that makes it interesting, but, sadly, the Indifferent card has never been played.

Before they pick their cards Chloe always turns to Clark and says, “Don’t cheat.”

Lex can’t figure out why Chloe thinks Clark could cheat. Lex, of course, does cheat. He’s not into random. He likes control. If he’s in the mood for Clark to love him, then Clark’s going to love him. For this purpose he wears special contact lenses that allow him to see the markings on the backs of the cards.

Lex is positive Clark doesn’t have a pair of contact lenses, but he’s also positive that Clark is cheating. There’s nothing random about how he selects his cards. He always passes Lex a Hate card and he always, always, passes Chloe a Love card.

What’s even more puzzling is that it doesn’t matter what card Chloe passes Clark. When he turns it over it’s always a Love card. Lex doesn’t know how he makes the switch, but there’s no mistaking that he’s doing it. The whole platonic friends thing is bullshit. It’s obvious Clark wants Chloe’s love.

So, the only random element in this random game is the card Chloe passes to Lex. Sometimes it’s a Hate card; sometimes it’s a Love card. Lex doesn’t mind. Passion is passion and he likes getting passionate with Chloe.

She has never passed him the Indifferent card and he kind of wishes she would. He won’t give the Indifferent card to Clark or Chloe. There’s power in ignoring a person who’s either yelling at you or sucking you off. He’s not about to relinquish that power to someone else, but he wishes someone would give it to him.

Tonight Lex is in the mood for love. His wife has been giving him the cold shoulder all week and he’s tired of it. He selects two Love cards and slides them across the table to Clark and Chloe.

Clark, predictably, passes Lex a Hate card, but he’s not so predictable when he selects the card for Chloe. The farm boy must be feeling guilty about something. Maybe he made moony eyes at Lana again. Whatever he’s done, he wants to be chastised. Good. Lex decides then and there to sit out the first round and watch.

He doesn’t even bother to look at the card Chloe passes to Clark. It’ll be a Love card in the end. He’s sure of that. But he waits with bated breath as she selects the card for him. Her hand hovers over the Indifferent card, tantalizing him with the promise of power. When her finger touches down on it and pushes it across the table to him his heart starts to pound. Tonight is going to be the best night of his life.

They flip their cards over so that everyone can see them.

“I’m sitting out the first round,” Lex says.

“Alright.” Chloe stands up and pulls her shirt off. “Let’s get this started.”


(tbc)

[superag]

YAY! I like games.....this sounds really interesting. Looking forward to where this game leads.

[lj715]

Wow, really like the beginning of this. Very interesting....can;t wait to read more.

[dagney]

Firebunny,

I just revisited this about a week ago and it a fab fic. You do a great job in making us laugh and also making the sex hot. I'm glad you are posting here and I will enjoy this yet again.

Dagney

[Kit Merlot]

I am so glad that you are posting this awesome fic here--WOO HOO:grin3:

[hfce]

Interesting more please... :)

[purplemoon123]

“If Clark doesn’t play does that mean the game’s off?” she asks.

“Absolutely not,” Lex says. “I’d love to play with just you.”


That's just Hot!!!! If the rest is like this I can't wait.

Rocio

[Firebunny]

Wow, really like the beginning of this. Very interesting....can;t wait to read more.
Thank you. I'm happy to hear I have you hooked. The whole thing is already completed. My plan is to update it every day for the next two weeks. Hopefully I’ll be able to do that, but sometimes my internet isn’t so cooperative.




I just revisited this about a week ago and it a fab fic. You do a great job in making us laugh and also making the sex hot. I'm glad you are posting here and I will enjoy this yet again.
Thanks. Being a diehard Chlarker I’m interested to read the Chlexers’ point of view on this fic. I tried to make it equal parts Chlark, Chlex and Clex. You all will have to let me know if I succeeded (at least with the Chlex).



I am so glad that you are posting this awesome fic here--WOO HOO:grin3:
Well, thank you for pointing me over to this site.



Interesting more please... :)
Thanks. I will happily post more.



That's just Hot!!!! If the rest is like this I can't wait.
Thanks. I don’t know if the rest of it is hot. Hot isn’t really my forte. I’m much better at the comedy. But sex and comedy go together so well, I love to write both.


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter Two
Round One

Chloe likes to be naked. It doesn’t matter if she’s yelling or fucking, she wants to do it in the nude.

Lex appreciates that. Now that he’s married he hardly ever gets to see a naked woman. And with her round ass and perky breasts, Chloe looks pretty good without her clothes on. Seeing her naked once a week takes the sting out of life with Lana.

Lex will lose his clothes one by one as the evening progresses. Clark, the prude, will stay fully dressed until the final round of the game. Only then will he allow Chloe and Lex to strip him bare. It’s such a shame. If there’s one person in the world who shouldn’t be allowed to wear clothes it’s Clark. But everyone has to have their hang-ups and Clark has enough for all three of them.

Maybe it’s the hang-ups that make Round One so interesting. It’s definitely Lex’s favorite round. He loves the trepidation, the awkwardness as they reacquaint themselves with each other and the game. Things could go so terribly wrong or so incredibly right. They won’t know until they’re well into the round.

What Lex really hopes for is that Chloe will say something horrible to Clark, something that will scar him. Clark is always so strong and solid. Lex wants to see him reduced to tears. Just thinking about it makes him tingle.

No, it’s not the awkwardness that makes Round One so great, it’s the anticipation.

Lex turns his chair so that he can watch as Clark lies down on his back across the bed. Chloe straddles his head and lowers herself down. Lex doesn’t know how Clark does it. Chloe’s not a big girl, but, still, a 115 pounds right on the nose has got to hurt. And Clark must have amazing lung capacity because he won’t come up for air.

“You monster,” Chloe says. “You freak of nature.”

She lets out a moan as Clark’s chin moves back and forth, his lips and tongue performing their magic on her.

“Get a life, you worthless piece of crap,” she groans.

Clark’s hands move up her thighs to her waist to steady her. She needs the help. Already, she’s starting to writhe and buck from his touch.

Watching Chloe lose control makes Lex hot. Her back arches and her nipples point straight out as if to say ‘Look at me! Look at me!’ Lex is more than happy to comply.

His hand travels down to brush against the bulge in his pants. He’s not going to get off now, he’s saving that for later, but he can’t resist touching himself.

“Oh God,” Chloe whimpers, her chest heaving up and down. “You could change the world if you wanted to, asshole… Fuck… but instead you… oh, God, fuck… you sit in your barn all day doing nothing. Useless shit stain. Fuck. FUCK.”

Chloe’s thighs are clamped around Clark’s ears, so Lex doesn’t know how he can hear her, but he does hear her. The way his body is reacting makes no doubt about it. He’s getting turned on by her insults just as much as Lex is. Lex should have realized long ago that Clark was a masochist. After all, he’s been in love with Lana for years.

“You impotent… son… of… an alien overlord!” Chloe screams.

She always thinks up the most creative insults right before she comes.

And then Chloe does come. Her body tenses and twitches and she sobs so loud Lana can probably hear her all the way over in the other wing of the mansion. She pitches forward, her face landing in Clark’s groin.

Clark takes a deep breath and wipes his mouth on his shirt.

Lex stands up. “End Round One.”


(tbc)

[lkedino]

Next chapter please really good and can't wait for lex and chloe :drool2:

[lj715]

What....wait....that's the end of the update. Omg, loved it. Can;t wait for more.

[hfce]

This is the weirdest story I have ever read. I love it. :rofl:

[dagney]

Firebunny,

LOL,, I love how every round Lex says that its his favorite. I also think its so funny that Chloe gets to hate Clark and he loves it as does Lex. dagney

[Firebunny]

Next chapter please really good and can't wait for lex and chloe :drool2: While Lex and Chloe bump flesh quite a bit, there won’t be any Chlex sans Clark until chapter 11.



What....wait....that's the end of the update. Omg, loved it. Can;t wait for more. I have more right now.



This is the weirdest story I have ever read. I love it. :rofl: Well, I’m glad you like weird. You know in my Author’s Notes how I said there’s a tone change after chapter 4? The tone change is that the story gets weird, or maybe weirder.



I love how every round Lex says that its his favorite. Lex is easy to please. Yes, he’s grumpy a good bit of the time, but he’s also really, really happy.


I also think its so funny that Chloe gets to hate Clark and he loves it as does Lex. It makes sense that Clark would be into emotional torture. Why else would he let Lana kick him around for so long?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter Three
Round Two

Between Round One and Round Two they break for refreshments. Lex’s staff has laid out a spread of strawberries and champagne, but all anybody wants right now is water. They’re going to lose a lot of fluids tonight. They have to replace them somehow.

Chloe takes a glass and dumps it over her head. She shivers as the ice cold water travels down her body.

“Who’s ready for Round Two?” she asks.

Round Two is definitely Lex’s favorite round. All the hesitancy is gone. Everyone is into the game, eager to take it to the next level.

The rule for Round Two is if you didn’t give someone enough attention in Round One you have to give them all your attention now. Maybe that’s why Lex likes to sit out the first round. He loves to be the center of attention.

He turns his back on Chloe and stares daggers at Clark.

“Lana never loved you,” he says. It’s a topic they’ve fought over many times before, but it’s a classic. No one ever tires of the classics.

“Lex,” Chloe murmurs as she presses her body against his back. He takes a step forward and she falls to the ground.

“There’s nothing you can offer her,” he says to Clark.

Clark bows his head submissively and gives to Lex the one thing he can offer, those beautiful, green eyes. Lex could lose himself for years in Clark’s eyes. But he doesn’t love Clark right now. He hates him.

“All you do is hurt her,” Lex growls as Clark unbuttons his shirt and places soft, warm kisses on Lex’s skin as he uncovers it.

“Lex, please,” Chloe begs. Her hands are on his hips. She reaches around to his front and fumbles with his fly.

“You hurt everyone you care about.”

Lex has to stop. His senses are in overload. What with Clark’s mouth tugging on his nipple, his fingers splayed across Lex’s back and Chloe’s hands down his pants, stroking him tenderly, he’s about to lose it. If he tries to speak right now he’ll only manage a strangled cry. He can’t show weakness. He has to stay in control. He hates Clark and he doesn’t care enough to even acknowledge Chloe’s existence.

He gives Clark a shove and Clark willingly falls back against the bed. Then he takes several steps away from Chloe. She crawls after him.

God, this is good. Round Two is the best.

“You hurt me the worst,” he says. “I was your friend and you turned away from me when I needed you the most.”

Chloe tugs at his pants and they drop to his ankles. He can feel her tongue lick his balls. Her hair brushes against his ass. Then her lips surround one of his balls and gently massage it in the most exquisite way.

“You made me who I am today,” Lex says and he can’t help but groan a little bit now. “You’re responsible for who I’ll become.”

Clark stands up and crosses to Lex. He caresses Lex’s cheek with his fingertips before moving his hand to the back of Lex’s neck. Then he leans in and kisses Lex full on the mouth.

Lex has never experienced a sweeter kiss. It’s so caring, but sad. It mourns for everything that’s been lost. Lex surrenders to it, letting his tongue tangle with Clark’s, while Chloe vigorously pumps his cock.

She’s a maestro on the rusty trombone.

God, if they could do this every night Lex wouldn’t need to perform evil experiments and take over the world. If they did this every night Lex would be a content man.


(tbc)

[lj715]

Woohoo an update! Loved it, very hot. How is this gonna get weirder? Can't wait to read more.

[hfce]

You are right weirder but still loving it. :D

[superag]

Hot damn! I want this in my house every single freaking night!

[TheAmazingApe]

Firebunny, I'm so glad to see this over here. Seeing new reactions is like reading it anew myself.

You are all in for a treat. This is the dirtiest, funniest, craziest bit of fic in the history of the fandom. It has ultimate rereadability (not something I easily bestow on a fic).

[starmoon]

very hot can't wait for more so please update soon.

[purplemoon123]

Chloe likes to be naked. It doesn’t matter if she’s yelling or fucking, she wants to do it in the nude.

snort.


He’s getting turned on by her insults just as much as Lex is. Lex should have realized long ago that Clark was a masochist. After all, he’s been in love with Lana for years.

:rofl::rofl:

This story goes from cackel to utter hot!!!! You have me in a tizzy I don't know what I want more, the humor or sex!!!

Rocio

[Firebunny]

How is this gonna get weirder? Umm, well… Clark is going to get dumber. Chloe’s going to turn into a whore. Lex is really the only sensible person of the bunch and he’s evil. More people are going to play and in the end civilization will have been toppled.



You are right weirder but still loving it. :D
Trust me, the weird stuff is yet to come.



Hot damn! I want this in my house every single freaking night!
Wouldn’t that be fun? Exhausting but fun.



Firebunny, I'm so glad to see this over here. Seeing new reactions is like reading it anew myself.
Thank you Apey for the nice words.

It is fun to read the new comments, what people pick out. I don’t think anyone called it weird over at K-site. And that’s a little weird if I think about it. K-siters are degenerates. But they’re used to my fics where Lex and Martha hook up or Clark’s penis runs away from him, so I guess they’ll find anything normal.



very hot can't wait for more so please update soon.
Okay!



This story goes from cackel to utter hot!!!! You have me in a tizzy I don't know what I want more, the humor or sex!!!
You can have both. It’s like a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup. Two great tastes together.


Note: At the bottom of this chapter is says “The End.” Don’t let that fool you. This is where I originally planned on ending it, but somehow it continued for 10 more chapters. Go figure.

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Chapter Four
Round Three

It’s never clear when Round Two ends and the final round begins. It just sort of sneaks up on them.

Round Three is definitely Lex’s favorite round.

It’s the free choice round. They can love or hate whomever they want. But whenever they get to Round Three, no one’s in the mood to hate anymore. They all just want to love.

They tumble together onto the bed, sharing kisses and caresses.

Lex and Chloe are both naked, so it’s time to disrobe Clark. It’s like unwrapping a present on Christmas morning, but even better. They know what’s underneath the pretty paper; a hunky farm boy. It’s the best gift ever. Thank you, Santa.

Now it’s flesh against flesh against flesh and it’s oh so good.

Clark picks up Lex and Chloe, one in each arm. At this point in the night Lex doesn’t have the presence of mind to wonder how on earth Clark could be so strong. He just revels in how Clark, using his fingers and his mouth, can drive the two of them to a higher state of ecstasy. Chloe and Lex’s lips meet above Clark’s head and they moan into each other’s mouth.

Now the refreshments come in handy. There’s nothing more sensual than the brush of a strawberry across the lips. Lex takes a bite then kisses Chloe. He lets the tangy juices roll off his tongue and into her mouth. She passes it on to Clark and they go round in a circle until all the strawberries are gone.

Clark lies back on the bed and they pour the champagne over him. Lex and Chloe lap it up from the hollow of his stomach, suck it from his chest. Ah, the taste of champagne on skin. There’s no other way to enjoy it.

They lick and touch and penetrate. It’s not clear who’s doing what to whom, but it doesn’t matter. It all feels great. Love is a wonderful thing.

Somehow Lex finds himself in Clark’s lap and Chloe is in his and they’re screwing like wild dogs. They bark and howl and nip each other. Their orgasms are like a chain reaction, first Clark, then Lex, and finally Chloe. They raise their voices in a chorus of bliss.

They flop back down onto the bed, spent, exhausted. Their limbs are tangled together and they use each other for pillows. One by one they fall asleep. Lex is the last to drift off. He listens to the contented breathing of the two people he hates most in the world and he can’t help but love them.

In an hour or so they’ll wake up refreshed, ready for the unofficial fourth round, the shower round, Lex’s favorite round.


The End (not really)

[lj715]

It seems like every round ( except for the first) is Lex's favorite round. More please.

[hfce]

Wow that was hot. But I want some Chlex alone action. :drool2:

[itsjustXchar]

I love this game! But it's time for the chlex to begin. . .

[superag]

The top of the 'man tower' is the best place to be. You've got the power of TWO men pounding you. Love it! Ok, bring on the shower....just make sure some jellies are down, we don't want any slippage with Chloe between the two men. LOL.

[Firebunny]

It seems like every round ( except for the first) is Lex's favorite round. More please. No, the first round was Lex’s favorite round too.



Wow that was hot. But I want some Chlex alone action. :drool2: It’s going to be awhile before we get some Chlex alone action. Chapter 11, The Night Hate Turned Physical. Clark’s still in the room, but no one notices him.



I love this game! But it's time for the chlex to begin. . . I hate to say this, but I looked over this story again with a “Chlex eye” and I really think it’s probably more Clex than anything else. It’s told from Lex’s POV and here he’s a true bisexual. Physically he’s interested in Clark and Chloe an equal amount, but emotionally he’s more into Clark, although he certainly respects Chloe more. He recognizes her as being on his level. And they will team up against Clark in the next chapter.



Ok, bring on the shower..... We will get to the shower round, just not right away.


So, this is where the story starts to get weird. From now on each chapter is its own night. I’m jumping back in time and starting with the first night. The original four chapters probably take place sometime between chapters 10 and 11.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter Five
The First Time They Played

The first time they play the game Lex doesn’t cheat.

That’s not a mistake he’ll make again.

They sit down at the table, the three of them. Lex can’t explain why, but he’s unable to make eye contact. Tonight is everything he’s ever wanted. He’s terrified.

The week before, they set the parameters of the game, the rules, the structure. He and Chloe negotiated into the early hours of the morning while Clark sat on the couch and made an occasional comment about Lex’s depravity.

All week Lex has been anticipating the game. As soon as the cards were made up he had to touch them. He kept them in his pocket at all times, letting his fingers trace over them.

Now he spreads them across the table and places his hands on his lap. After days of fingering them, of loving them, the cards scare him.

Chloe is the first to move. She holds her palm flat over the table and slowly waves it around, like she’s divining which card to pick. Her fingers descend on one and she slides it across the table to Lex. She repeats the process and pushes a card towards Clark.

Clark stares at the card in front of him. “I’m not playing,” he says.

“You have to,” Lex blurts out.

“I’m only here to make sure Chloe’s safe.”

“Fine. You can watch,” Chloe says and she starts to pull the card away from Clark.

“No.” Lex reaches across the table and puts a restraining hand on Chloe’s arm. “If you walk in the room you have to play. That’s the rule.”

“We never said that,” Chloe says.

“I’m saying it now,” Lex says. “It’s my rule. We’re not playing without it.”

Sure he wants to play with Chloe, but Clark is the prize.

“Come on, Lex.” Chloe smiles deviously. She speaks slowly, carefully annunciating her words, letting them tease and tempt. “I’ve always wanted an audience. And sometimes it’s fun to watch. Don’t you ever just want to watch?”

Yeah, Lex wouldn’t mind watching from time to time, but he isn’t going to let Clark get out of the game.

“Alright,” he says. “One person can sit out one round. But since this is our first time, we all have to play.

“Sounds fair,” Chloe says and she slides the card back to Clark.

“No, no.” Clark throws his hands up. “I’m not playing. You can’t make me.”

“You’re right, we can’t make you,” Chloe says. “But you have to leave. Now. The room, the mansion, the grounds. You have to go. You won’t be able to keep me safe. Lex could do anything to me and you’ll just have to imagine it.” She punctuates her sentence by letting her tongue flicker across her lips.

Clark stares at her mouth for a moment. “I’m playing.”

He takes a deep breath and studies the cards.

“Don’t cheat,” Chloe says.

He rolls his eyes at her then places his hands down on two cards and slides one to Chloe and one to Lex.

Now it’s Lex’s turn to select the cards. He hopes, hopes, hopes at least one of them will be a Love card. He wants someone to love him.

They turn their cards over one by one.

Aw Fuck!

Lex hates everyone, everyone hates him and Clark and Chloe love each other. Just like real life.

“Well, that’s settled,” Chloe says and she starts to unbutton her blouse.

Clark’s eyes pop open. “Wha, wha, what are you doing?” he stammers.

“It’s my favorite shirt,” she says. “I don’t want anyone ripping it.”

Lex watches mesmerized as Chloe fingers deftly slip the buttons through the holes. Her shirt falls open revealing the swell of her breasts and her lacy bra. “You’re afraid someone’s going to tear your clothes off?”

Chloe looks at Clark. “It could happen.”

“Are you going to take your clothes of too?” Lex asks Clark. Please. Please.

“No,” Clark says rather adamantly.

Darn!

Chloe pulls the blouse from her arms and drapes it over the back of the chair. Then she stands up and undoes the fly of her jeans.

“And your pants?” Clark’s voice is less shocked and more hopeful.

“What can I say? I wore all my favorite clothes today.”

She wiggles out of her jeans, letting them drop to the floor. Then she turns her back and bends over slowly to pick them up.

Lex knows he should close his mouth, but right now his tongue is about to loll out and he doesn’t want to bite himself.

“I didn’t know I’d be doing a striptease,” Chloe says. She juts her hip out to the side and sings, “Na, nah, na, nah, na, oomph, nah, na, oomph,” as she gyrates her body and unhooks her bra.

She holds her bra out in one hand and languorously drops it onto the chair. Then she shimmies her breasts right in Lex’s face.

Chloe Sullivan’s breasts. They are everything anyone ever imagined.

Why doesn’t Lex carry money on him? He so wants to stuff a dollar bill in Chloe’s panties.

But he’s missed his opportunity. Chloe’s panties are gone. She wiggles her naked ass for them and then abruptly stops.

“You suck, Lex.” There’s a look of disgust on her face.

What? Oh, right. The game.

“You think just because you’re rich, laws and morality don’t apply to you,” she continues. “You’re despicable.”

Her face flushes with anger.

“Oh, the virtuous Chloe Sullivan.” Lex stands up from his chair. “You never bend the law when it fits your needs. Ever heard of breaking and entry or the right to privacy?”

“That’s different,” she says as she circles around him. “I do what I do to help people.”

“So do I,” Lex says. “It’s frightening how similar we are.”

“Don’t compare your methods with mine,” Chloe hisses. Then she looks over at Clark and her body slumps. “Come on, Clark. You have to play.”

Clark gets up slowly and stands behind Chloe. He peers down over her shoulder.

“You suck, Lex,” he says, but there’s no anger in his voice, only amazement.

Oh, this is no fun. Lex wants passion and fire. Chloe’s trying, but Clark is a wet blanket.

“One day your evil deeds will come to light,” Chloe seethes, “and I’ll be there. I’ll write the article that puts you in jail. I’ll revel in your misery.”

She reaches behind her, grabs one of Clark’s hands and clamps it to her breast. Clark gets a far away look in his eyes and a goofy smile spreads across his face.

“I hate you, Lex,” he murmurs.

Lex sighs. Tonight is such a disappointment. Everything he has ever looked forward to, stealing Luthorcorp from his father, marrying Lana, they all just suck in the end.

“Next, I suppose, you’ll accuse me of torturing orphans,” he says.

“It fits your style,” Chloe spits. “You foul, callous excuse for a man.”

She takes Clark’s other hand and shoves it between her legs.

“Oh,” Clark giggles. “How ‘bout that?”

“You’re nothing more than a crusty pimple,” Chloe says, “waiting to pop and spew your puss all over the world.”

“Thanks. I really didn’t need that imagery in my head.”

“Ooh, that’s the spot, Clark,” Chloe moans. “Work it. Work it.”

Lex’s heart isn’t in the game anymore. He just wants it to be over. And the way Chloe’s writhing against Clark’s hand, how Clark grinds his hips against her ass, it won’t be long now.

“You boiled stalk of celery,” Chloe groans. “You Appalachian dentist.”

“Uh, uh,” Clark adds.

“Can we speed this up?” Lex asks. “I’d like to ruin someone’s life besides my own.”

“Oh God, yes. Fuck!” Chloe cries. “You worm infested apple tart. Fuck!”

Clark is thrusting so hard against Chloe now that he has to take his hand off her breast and wrap it around her middle so that she doesn’t stumble forward. His eyes are squeezed shut and his face is contorted in what could be pain, but is probably pleasure.

Lex pretends it’s pain. At least that’s interesting.

“PARASITIC INFLAMATION” Chloe screams. Her body tenses and her face turns red.

“Eggle!” Clark squeals. His right leg comes off the ground and twitches.

Then they both relax and sigh in unison.

They don’t even bother going on to Round Two. It’s hardly worth Lex’s time.

But Chloe’s of the opinion the night went great. The only thing she doesn’t like is the friction burn on her butt.

Clark walks around with a silly grin on his face, fanning the wet spot on the front his jeans with his hand.

“Same time next week?” Chloe asks as she puts her clothes back on.

“I’ll be here,” Clark says, “but only to protect Chloe. Maybe we could meet earlier so I could start protecting her sooner.”

“Yeah, why not?” Lex says. He’ll just make sure next week’s game is more interesting.

The next day he has the cards marked and the contact lenses made. Secret, evil laboratories come in handy every now and then.

[lj715]

Love this fic. LOVE IT!!!!! Poor Lex getting the hate cards...knew he would overcome it somehow. Can;t wait for more.

[purplemoon123]

Aww poor Lex tried not to cheat and it didn't get him anywhere. Now let's get to the part that they keep insulting Clark and more Chlex interaction.

Rocio

[hfce]

This felt like it should have been the first chapter. :rofl: It explained the game a lot better. I can't wait to see what comes next. :)

[superag]

Awww, Lex got shafted (and not in a good way). here's to the hope he gets to use his shaft laters. hehe.

[starmoon]

that was so hot please keep going i really can't wait for more!!!! :drool: :drool2: :drool: :drool2: :drool: :drool2: :drool: :drool2:

[Firebunny]

Love this fic. LOVE IT!!!!! Poor Lex getting the hate cards...knew he would overcome it somehow. Can;t wait for more. Thanks. Yes, Lex may be dealt some bad cards in life, but he always finds a way to play his hand to his utmost advantage.



Aww poor Lex tried not to cheat and it didn't get him anywhere. Now let's get to the part that they keep insulting Clark and more Chlex interaction. You know what? I was wrong. The chapter where Lex and Chloe gang up on Clark is the next chapter. I promise. This chapter is pretty much Clex. It’s the Clexiest chapter of them all. But then that’s it for the Clex, I think, until it rears its head again in the final chapter.



This felt like it should have been the first chapter. :rofl: It explained the game a lot better. I can't wait to see what comes next. :) Yeah, it would have made sense to post this chapter first, but this fic was originally only going to be 4 chapters long. I didn’t decide to extend it until I had started posting it. Then I kept thinking about different, sicker ways for the three of them to interact. So, I kept going.



Awww, Lex got shafted (and not in a good way). here's to the hope he gets to use his shaft laters. hehe. He will. His shaft is all kinds of busy, just not in this chappie.



that was so hot please keep going i really can't wait for more!!!! :drool: :drool2: :drool: :drool2: :drool: :drool2: :drool: :drool2: Look at all that drool! Here’s more right now.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter Six
The Night the Room Caught Fire


The second week the game is fixed. Lex hates everyone, Clark loves everyone, and Chloe hates Lex but loves Clark. It’s much better.

They’re actually able to make it past the first round, but Round Two doesn’t last very long.

Lex and Chloe have been having a terrific argument about ecco-terrorism and the political ramification of small market, third world economies, but Lex is finding it harder and harder to concentrate.

Clark has been teasing him with tender caresses. As much as the boy says he doesn’t want to play, he sure gets into the love aspect of the game.

He’s divested Lex of his shirt and now he slides the zipper on Lex’s pants up and down, up and down. It’s like he’s playing peek-a-boo with Lex’s penis.

Lex tries to hate Clark. Every now and then he smacks him on the head, but somehow he always ends up running his fingers through Clark’s luxuriously thick hair.

Ahh hair.

If Lex had a head of hair like Clark’s he would never leave the mansion.

Finally Lex can’t take anymore. He pounces on Clark and tackles him to the bed.

“Oooh, goody,” Chloe says and she jumps on the bed with them.

Everyone’s clothes go flying, except for Chloe’s, which are already neatly folded on her chair.

Lex and Chloe rip Clark’s shirt from his body.

“Hey,” Clark yells. “That’s my good blue T-shirt.”

“Too bad,” Chloe says. “You should have taken it off before the game started. Where’s your red jacket? I’m ripping that to shreds too.”

Lex isn’t in the mood to talk right now. He just wants to taste Clark.

He sucks on the smooth, powerful muscle of Clark’s shoulder. It’s the flavor of sunshine goodness. Lex wants more. He sinks his teeth down, trying to draw blood. He hears a cracking sound in his mouth and he abruptly pulls away.

“Mother fucker,” he cries. “I think I chipped a tooth.”

“Sorry,” Clark says.

Lex isn’t going to let a little discomfort deter him from the game. He’ll just have to be more careful.

He kisses and licks his way down Clark’s chest to his stomach. He likes the way Clark’s muscles quiver beneath his lips. When he reaches Clark’s cock he has to pause. It’s so beautiful and magnificent, growing harder by the second.

He takes it gingerly in his hand and places loving, soft kisses on it.

“Oh!” Clark says like he’s surprised. “That’s… ah… that’s nice.”

Lex isn’t sure what Chloe’s doing. He doesn’t really care.

Out of the corner of his eye he can see her hand slip between Clark’s legs as she cups his balls. Lex closes his eyes and pretends she’s not there.

“Uh,” Clark groans. “Oooooooh. Uh.”

This is hot, really hot. Lex can feel a sweat break out on his back. He can practically hear the crackle of flames as his passion ignites.

“Ah, guys?” Clark gulps. “Guys.”

Lex ignores him. As far as he’s concerned, the only two people in the room are him and Clark’s penis.

“Guys,” Clark yelps. “The room’s on fire.”

Lex’s eyes pop open. Chloe sits up.

“Shit,” she says. “Clark!”

“I’m sorry.”

Lex turns around. Sure enough, flames dance up the wall. Smoke begins to collect on the ceiling.

“Get out of here!” Clark yells.

Lex sprints off the bed and out of the room, Chloe close on his heels.

They huddle together in the dark hallway outside the room.

“Clark’s still in there,” Lex gasps.

He turns to go back in, but Chloe grabs his arm.

“No. He’s okay. He’s putting out the fire.”

“How can he do that?” Lex asks.

Chloe thinks for a moment. “Well, he’s… um… a volunteer fireman?”

“He is?”

“Sure,” she says. “Doesn’t that sound like something he’d do? Yeah. He’s a volunteer fireman.”

“Sir! Mr. Luthor!”

A butler and two maids come running up the stairs, but they stop short when they see Lex and Chloe naked and clutching one another.

“Is everything alright?” the butler asks.

Lex straightens up and musters as much dignity as he can. “Everything’s fine. The mansion’s on fire, but it’s nothing to worry about.”

The butler stands there, his mouth agape. One of the maids looks like she’s about to faint.

“If you say so, sir,” the butler finally manages to stammer.

Smoke shoots from the room. Clark walks out, proud and naked and the maid does faint. There’s a soot smudge across his forehead, but nothing’s singed and his hair is still in place.

“Fire’s out,” he says. “Who’s turn in the middle now?”

“Mine,” Chloe says and she follows Clark into the room. “Lex can go last.”

Lex looks at the butler and the one conscious maid. “Everything’s under control,” he says. “Go about you work.”

Then he casually strolls back into the room.

Good thing he keeps files on all his employees. No one will try to blackmail him with the shit he has on them.

[lj715]

So wait...did Clark set the room on fire? Excellent chapter, more please.

[ChloeLovesLex]

Oh my. Uh. Uhm. Wow. That's different isn't it? This is by far the strangest fanfic I have ever read. I gotta see how this pans out - LOL!

[hfce]

That was weird but funny. :rofl:

[TheAmazingApe]

Oh, the Clex! Even on a Chlex board, I welcome the lovely Clex. My personal fanwank has always been that Lexana was just Clex underneath.

You know, Firebunny. I kind of like the chaps being out of order, timeline-wise. It just deepens the story for me. Never change it. I hated when they suddenly put the Narnia Chronicles in chronological order on the new printing. It just chases all the magic away.

This exchange...



“Clark’s still in there,” Lex gasps.

He turns to go back in, but Chloe grabs his arm.

“No. He’s okay. He’s putting out the fire.”

“How can he do that?” Lex asks.

Chloe thinks for a moment. “Well, he’s… um… a volunteer fireman?”

“He is?”

“Sure,” she says. “Doesn’t that sound like something he’d do? Yeah. He’s a volunteer fireman."

is just precious.

[dagney]

Oh God, every time I read this I can't help but laugh out loud. The image of lex and naked Chloe in the hall and the staff... and Lex The mansion is on fire but go out your business Bahhhhh. Dagney

[Firebunny]

So wait...did Clark set the room on fire? Excellent chapter, more please. Yes, Clark set the room on fire, but Lex doesn’t know he did it. He has yet to learn about Clark’s powers.



Oh my. Uh. Uhm. Wow. That's different isn't it? This is by far the strangest fanfic I have ever read. I gotta see how this pans out - LOL! It’s going to get stranger. It’s going to get really weird.



Oh, the Clex! Even on a Chlex board, I welcome the lovely Clex. My personal fanwank has always been that Lexana was just Clex underneath. I agree. Lana was just the condom Clark and Lex used.


You know, Firebunny. I kind of like the chaps being out of order, timeline-wise. It just deepens the story for me. Never change it. Oh, I’m not going to change it. That would be work. I'd have to reimagine the whole first section. The first four chapters are the introduction. They represent a typical atypical night. The other nights are atypically atypical.


I hated when they suddenly put the Narnia Chronicles in chronological order on the new printing. It just chases all the magic away. I hated it too. I used to run an after school program and I’d have arguments with the kids about which was the first book in the series. I said The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. They said The Magician’s Nephew or whichever book. I also used to argue with them about the title of the first Star Wars movie. I said it was Star Wars and they said it was A New Hope. Kids today know nothing.



Oh God, every time I read this I can't help but laugh out loud. The image of lex and naked Chloe in the hall and the staff... and Lex The mansion is on fire but go out your business Bahhhhh. Dagney Thank you. I think it’s a good visual, Lex and Chloe huddled naked in the hallway.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter Seven
The Night Lex got Revenge


It’s week three that Lex realizes Clark is cheating. He distinctly sees Chloe pass Clark a Hate card, but when Clark turns it over it says Love.

The bastard. Lex is the only one allowed to cheat.

But it’s not until week four that he has the opportunity to make Clark pay for his crime.

Chloe passes Lex a Love card and, like the goddess Athena, his plan springs fully grown from his head.

He wants Clark submissive so he gives him a Love card. And he wants Chloe to love him, so he passes the same to her.

As Chloe’s undressing he walks over to her, takes her chin in his hand and kisses her softly on the lips.

“I want to make love to you, Chloe,” he says in his most sincere voice.

Chloe smiles and demurely says, “Okay.”

“I want to make love to you too,” Clark chimes in.

“You,” Lex growls. “No one wants you here. Get in the corner.”

“I don’t want to get in the corner.”

“If you love me,” Lex says with menace in his voice, “you’ll get in the corner.”

Clark sighs and walks to the corner.

“On the floor,” Lex says. “The less we see of you the better.”

Clark sits on the floor.

Lex lays Chloe down on the bed and nestles himself between her legs. He pushes down one of her thighs so that Clark can get a good look at what he does to her body, how he strokes her, prepares her. Chloe purrs at his touch.

“Um, guys, I’m not sitting out this round,” Clark says. “I’m still playing.”

“Shut the fuck up,” Lex shouts.

“Oh, yeah, right,” Chloe says. “Ah, I love you, Clark.” She says it so dismissively, like it’s an afterthought. She must be sick of Clark’s cheating as well. Oh, this is going to be good.

Lex enters her slowly, tenderly, just like how he screws Lana, or, rather screwed her. It’s not that he doesn’t get to screw her now. It’s just on a metaphorical level.

“I love only you, Chloe,” he says loud enough for Clark to hear.

She wraps her arms around him and pulls him close. “I love only you, Lex,” she whispers in his ear.

“Hey!” Clark shouts indignantly.

Their rhythm is soft and loving. It’s building to nothing. Doing it in the missionary position only reminds Lex of Lana and he can’t come if he’s thinking of his wife.

He withdraws from Chloe, turns her over on her stomach and angles her so she’s facing Clark. Then he grabs her hips and pounds into her like he’s churning stubborn butter.

Clark slumps against the wall and looks at his fingernails. He’s trying to pretend like he doesn’t care, but he can’t hide the hurt expression on his face.

Chloe reaches out her arm. “Come here, Clark.” The rhythm of Lex’s thrusts echo in her voice.

Clark smiles hopefully and crawls across the floor to her. She runs her fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck and pulls him closer.

Just as they’re about to kiss, Chloe clamps her eyes shut and screams, “Oh God, Lex. Yes, Lex. Yes. YES.”

Lex is pretty sure she’s faking it, but he admires her all the same. If he wasn’t already married to the miserable love of his life he’d propose to Chloe here and now.

Once Chloe has achieved her fake orgasm and Lex his real one, it’s time for Round Two.

“You can’t ignore me this round,” Clark says.

“No one’s ignoring you,” Chloe sighs.

“Why do you have to be such a cry baby?” Lex complains.

“I want to make love to you, Chloe.”

“Go ahead.” She flops down on the bed, spread eagle. “Just do it the way Lex did it.”

“The way Lex did?”

“Yeah. Just like that. That was good.”

Clark unzips his pants enough to get his cock out. He has to stroke himself a couple times before slipping the condom on. Then he mounts Chloe.

“I love only you, Chloe,” he says as he slowly pumps into her.

She lies motionless on the bed. “This isn’t how Lex did it.”

“Well, how did Lex do it?”

“I don’t know. He just sort of swept me up in this all consuming passion.”

“I can do that.”

“You can try.”

Lex knows he should do something, say something, but he’s too captivated to participate in the game right now.

Clark rises up on his arms so he can get better leverage, then he thrusts harder, faster. His hand reaches down between her legs to where they’re joined and he starts to finger her.

Chloe blows air out her mouth; her lips make a flapping noise. “This isn’t going to wo… Oh wait.” Her eyes go crossed and her hand slaps the pillow next to her, clenching it in her fist. “Yeah, this is… this is gonna… work.”

She writhes and moans underneath Clark, encouraging him on.

Lex couldn’t be more disappointed. It was going so well. Why did Chloe’s body have to betray her?

But Chloe isn’t giving up yet. Just as she comes, and Lex believes she’s not faking it this time, she screams out, “Oh God, yes. Lex. Yes, yes. LEX,” and Lex has the joy of watching Clark shrivel in every sense of the word.

Maybe Lex will make Chloe his fourth wife.

Clark stands up and tucks himself into his pants. “I’m not playing anymore.”

“What?” Chloe sits up.

“This isn’t any fun.” Clark takes a couple mopey steps towards the door, but Chloe grabs his hand and he lets her tug him back to the bed.

“You just gave me a mind blowing orgasm,” she says as she sits him down. “How is that not fun?”

“You were thinking about Lex the whole time.”

“No, I wasn’t.” She straddles him. “I just yelled his name so he’d know how great it was.”

Clark raises his hands over his head and Chloe pulls his shirt off. “That doesn’t make any sense.”

“It does if you don’t think about it.” She lowers him onto his back. “You’re really good at not thinking.”

“I am good at that.”

“You know what else you’re good at?”

“What?”

She leans over him, letting her breasts graze his chest, and whispers into his ear.

Lex can’t hear what she says, but it must be pretty good. Clark blushes and says, “You really think so?”

“You’re the best.” Her hand trails down his stomach and slips into his pants. “What do you want to do now? I’ll do anything.”

Oh, Lex can’t stand it anymore. Chloe’s touching Clark. He wants in.

It’s time for Round Three.

He climbs onto the bed and snuggles next to Clark. “Yeah, we’ll do anything.”

Clark looks at Lex and contemplates. “I’ve always wanted to lick your head like a lollipop.”

Normally Lex hates it when people draw attention to his baldness, but Clark is so sincere, Lex can’t deny him.

“Go right ahead.”

“What do you want me to do?” Chloe asks.

“I want you to lick my bald head like a lollipop too.”

“Sure thing, Clark.”

“And call me Captain.”

“Aye, aye, Captain,” Chloe says as she shucks his pants off.

Clark traces long, wet lines with his tongue across Lex’s head. It’s not so bad, in fact it feels kind of… weird. But weird’s okay. Lex can go with weird, especially if it makes Clark happy. And Clark is very happy. He’s so happy that when he climaxes he shouts, “Shazaam!”

[hfce]

It is funny to me how both Chloe and Lex are in love with the same man. Great update as usual. :D

[ChloeLovesLex]

And Clark is very happy. He’s so happy that when he climaxes he shouts, “Shazaam!”

:rofl:

[superag]

:rofl:


OMG! When does the genie appear??!! This is so freaking funny; I need this happy smut fulfillment every day!

[Firebunny]

It is funny to me how both Chloe and Lex are in love with the same man. For the purposes of this story, I don’t think Chloe’s in love with Clark. Lex is definitely in love with him and Clark is in love with Chloe (although he won’t admit it), but Chloe, while she’s friends with Clark, is really just a slut.



:rofl: I’m glad you’re enjoying it.



OMG! When does the genie appear??!! Shazaam! Is actually in reference to Captain Marvel, who said “Shazaam!” to activate his powers. He has many of the same abilities as Superman and DC sued the Captain Marvel publishers in the 1940s claiming copyright infringement. And that fulfills your irrelevant information quota for the day.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter Eight
The Night Someone Else Played


Chloe steps into the room and stops short.

Clark, close on her heels, is already saying, “I’m only here to make sure Chloe’s safe,” but as soon as he sees Lex he freezes. “Oh.”

They both take a moment to stare at Lex. He’s tied to a chair, a ball gag in his mouth.

“We doing something different?” Chloe asks.

“No,” Lex shouts. “There are masked gunmen loose in the mansion. Untie me now so we can escape with our lives!” But the only thing that makes it past the gag is a muffled, “Mmmflmm.”

“So, what is it? Free choice all night?” Chloe asks. She reaches down to the hem of her dress and pulls it up over her head.

“I choose to love you, Chloe,” Clark says.

“Sure, whatever.”

“Idiots,” Lex says, but all Clark and Chloe hear is “Nmnnif.”

Chloe slinks across the room, shedding her bra and panties as she goes. She straddles Lex, grabs his collar and yanks him closer.

“So, Luthor,” she says. “We have you right where we want you. Are you going to talk?”

“I can’t talk,” Lex tries to say. “I have a ball gag in my mouth.”

“You can’t resist us,” Chloe says, grinding her hips against him. “We have ways of making you talk.”

“We’re torturing Lex?” Clark’s eyes perk up with excitement. He runs across the room and kneels down behind Lex’s chair. He slips his hands up under Lex’s shirt, tweaking his nipples. “Talk Luthor, talk.” Then he sticks his tongue in Lex’s ear.

Just then a man bursts into the room. He wears fatigues, his head is covered with a black ski mask, and he points a gun. “What the fuck?”

“Hi.” Clark tries to wave but his hand is still inside Lex’s shirt.

“Ooh, Lex,” Chloe says. “You sure went all out. Are you making up for missing my birthday?”

The man points his gun at Clark and Chloe. “On the bed,” he says as he pulls a length of rope from his belt.

“Kinky,” Chloe runs over to the bed. She lies down, stretching her arms above her head. She arches her back and wiggles her hips. “No. Don’t. Please.”

“What should I do?” Clark asks.

Chloe stops writhing and thinks. “You can save us, Clark.”

“Yeah, okay.”

“But don’t do it right away,” she says. “Go back to the Talon and wait for me in the apartment. We were supposed to meet for some reason and you start to worry because I haven’t shown up. Worry for a long time, alright? Then, finally, you remember that I said something about confronting Lex. You’re like, ‘Oh no. What did Chloe get herself into?’ Then come back here and search for me.”

“Alright.”

“This is important, Clark. Look through every single room of the mansion before coming to this one. Okay?”

“Okay.”

And in a flash Clark is gone.

Chloe looks back at the gunman and starts writhing again.

“What are you going to do, you bad, bad man?”

He scratches his head. “I don’t… know.” He screams with frustration and thrusts the gun against Chloe’s jaw. “Stop messing with my brain!”

“Hey, hey, hey!” She grabs the gun and tosses it off the bed. “I like getting poked, but not with cold, metal objects. Now, take off your clothes, except for the mask. That’s kind of creepy.”

The gunman shrugs and starts stripping until he’s wearing nothing but the ski mask. Then Lex watches as he and Chloe rut like rabid bunnies.

When they’re done he falls onto his back and sighs. “And they say crime doesn’t pay.”

Chloe gets out of bed and walks over to Lex.

“What are you going to make me do now?” she calls to the gunman. “Are you going to make me go down on Lex for your sick sexual gratification?”

He props himself up on his elbow. “I wasn’t really thinking of that.”

“I won’t. You can’t make me.” She lowers herself to her knees in front of Lex. “I won’t do it.” And then she does.

The night’s starting to look up for Lex.

Finally Clark comes, but not before Lex does. He taps the gunman on the head, knocking him out.

“Wow, Lex,” he says. “You spared no expense. There were gunmen all over the mansion. It took me awhile to find all of them. I tied them up and hung them from the chandelier in the ballroom. I hope that’s okay.”

“You saved us, Clark. You saved us.” Chloe runs to him and presses her body against his. “What do you want as your reward?”

“Hmmm.” Clark thinks for a moment. “Three way 69?”

“You got it, big boy.”

They untie Lex. He wants to scream at them, tell them how colossally stupid they are, but, actually, three way 69 sounds more interesting.

So they tie up the gunman. He’s still naked except for the ski mask. Lex transfers the ball gag to his mouth and makes sure it’s on extra tight.

“How are we going to do this?” Lex asks.

“I was thinking,” Clark says, “Chloe can sit on the bed and I’ll straddle her. Then I’ll lean backwards and hold you up over my head and you can bend over and take care of Chloe.”

“Sure why not,” Lex says.

When the gunman comes to all he can do is stare at the bizarre geometry that is three way 69.

It’s not until five days later that Lex realizes Lana’s been kidnapped. Oh, well. You win some, you lose some.

[lj715]

HA!!! Omg...that was the strangest chapter yet...but I still loved it. Lana who?

[hfce]

This story is just to strange for words but great. :rofl: Lex not caring about Blana priceless. :rofl:

[ChloeLovesLex]

It’s not until five days later that Lex realizes Lana’s been kidnapped. Oh, well. You win some, you lose some.

LMBO! As it should be.

[purplemoon123]

:rofl: *cackle* :rofl: *still cackling* :rofl:

*can't stop cackling*

Rocio

[Krissy235]

Um, Firebunny? Just let me know when you're free so we can discuss wedding plans.

Best.

Fic.

Ever.

[lilinny]

This has to be the strangest fic I ever read and I love it!! The last chapter is completely hilarious. Let Lana stay kidnapped.

[Firebunny]

HA!!! Omg...that was the strangest chapter yet...but I still loved it. I’m glad you like the strange, ‘cause it’s going to get stranger.



Lex not caring about Blana priceless.
As it should be. Exactly. Lana is too insignificant for Lex to even notice her.



:rofl: *cackle* :rofl: *still cackling* :rofl:

*can't stop cackling*

Rocio You’re cackling is infectious. Now I’m cackling.



Um, Firebunny? Just let me know when you're free so we can discuss wedding plans. We can discuss them now. I want my wedding veil to be adorned with a thousand living fireflies. Can you make that happen?



Let Lana stay kidnapped. Sorry. Unfortunately Clark saved her. He’s such a twit.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter Nine
The Night They Built the Wobbly H


Week six and Lex realizes that since the game was fixed he’s only ever passed Clark the Love card. He’s pretty certain Clark hasn’t caught on, but Chloe’s smart enough. She might have picked up on it.

He can’t have Chloe lose respect for him, so tonight he does the one thing he doesn’t want to do. He passes Clark a Hate card.

And Lex can’t go a week without love. He’ll just have to get his love from Chloe. It’s almost as good. Almost.

Chloe’s kind enough to pass him a love card and since she and Clark always love each other and Lex always hates Clark; the game’s pretty much decided.

Lex and Clark stand about a yard apart and start to argue. Chloe bounces back and forth between them, licking this one, grinding against that one. It’s a distraction more than anything else.

“Just pick one of us,” Lex says.

“Yeah,” Clark says. “Pick me.”

“Then I get her in Round Two.”

“Oh.” Clark makes a sour face. “That’s not going to work.”

“Really,” Chloe sighs. “I could use some love.”

“Come here.” Lex grabs her, kisses her on the lips and pinches her nipple. Then he shouts at Clark, “Everything that comes out of your mouth is a lie!”

Clark picks Chloe up and dry humps her for a moment. “You kept a secret room dedicated to me.”

“Oh, like that was a bad thing.” Lex shoves his face between Chloe’s breasts and says, “Blublub blub blublub blub blub.”

“I’m getting dizzy,” Chloe complains. “And this isn’t turning me on at all.”

“Me neither,” Clark says.

“Yeah,” Lex agrees.

“There must be a better way,” Chloe says.

So Lex and Clark like back on the bed. Chloe sits between them and pumps her hands up and down their cocks like she’s skiing and they’re the poles.

“Liar, liar, pants on fire,” Lex chants.

“I only lit my pants on fire once,” Clark says. “And I do tell the truth… to Chloe.”

“I tell Chloe the truth too,” Lex says.

Chloe stops her work on their tandem hand jobs and says, “When have you told me the truth?”

Lex can’t come up with anything off the top of his head, so he offers, “Ask me anything. I’ll be completely honest.”

“What’s my freak power?” she asks.

“You don’t want to know,” he says. “It’s pretty lame.”

“Oh,” Chloe whines. “I never get anything good.”

“Aren’t you forgetting something?” Lex says. He points to his hard-on, which is getting lonely and starting to lose its oomph.

“I can’t,” she says. “I think I’m getting tendonitis.”

“Let’s try something else,” Clark says.

They stand up, all three of them. Chloe grabs Lex around the waist and Clark picks her up by the hips. Then he fucks her.

Chloe’s lips envelope Lex’s dick and this is… oh, yeah. It’s much better.

Honestly, it’s perfect.

Clark is doing all the work, thrusting back and forth, but Chloe’s mouth is still sliding up and down Lex’s shaft and all Lex has to do is stand there and take it.

This is the way sex is meant to be.

“You’re an evil, manipulating liar,” Clark shouts.

“Oh yeah? Well, you smell!” It’s hard to think up good come backs when you’re getting a blow job.

“I work on a farm,” Clark yells. “I can’t help it.”

“Mmmm,” Chloe moans. She must be enjoying the experience just as much as Lex is. And the way her moans vibrate up and down his cock, it’s kind of pleasant.

“You act,” Lex says, “like you were put on this earth to protect us. Your savior complex… yeah, you like it, bitch… your savior complex is getting old.”

“I was put on this earth… yes, yes,” Clark groans, “to conquer it and I haven’t done that… GOD YES… I think I deserve some brownie points.”

Chloe’s fingers dig into Lex’s ass and she’s considerate enough to pull her mouth away from him as she starts to come. Lex appreciates that. He wouldn’t want her biting down on him.

She’s still holding on to him for dear life and the side of her head rubs back and forth against his cock. It’s almost as good as being inside her mouth. Almost.

Clark is jerking wildly now.

Chloe’s body starts to quiver and she shouts, “BOYSEN BERRY!”

“PIE!” Clark howls.

His frantic shudders vibrate through Chloe and it’s enough to make Lex come in her hair.

She stands up, keeping her left eye shut as the spew starts to drip down her face.

“Can we jump to the Shower Round now?” she asks.

[ChloeLovesLex]

Yahtzee!!! ;)

[lj715]

"BOYSEN BERRY" "PIE"?! Omg. Love it. Can't wait for the Shower Round.:D

[superag]

I love Chlarex on steroids. This is so freaking hilarious.

[purplemoon123]

“BOYSEN BERRY!”

“PIE!”


O....M....G!!!!! *trying to breathe*

:rofl: This is just to fracking hilarious!!!! :rofl:

Yep, still cackling!!!!

Rocio

[lilinny]

Zowie!! I can't wait for the shower round!!! Fantastic chapter.

[Firebunny]

Yahtzee!!! ;) Jenga!



I love Chlarex on steroids. This is so freaking hilarious. My three favorite characters, Clark, Chloe and Lex. I love getting them together. I wrote one where Lex ties Chloe to his desk and threatens to torture her with whips and feathers. Then Clark shows up to save her, but changes his mind.
I’m working on a creepy Chlarex story now. I have a couple of those.



Yep, still cackling!!!! Oh, good. You have a magnificent cackle.



Can't wait for the Shower Round.:D

I can't wait for the shower round!!! Here it comes (so to speak).

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter Ten
The Shower Round


The Shower Round isn’t an official part of the game, but it is an essential part.

When they wake from their post coital nap they’re all feeling great, just sated and happy. But they’re also feeling sticky and gross. So, they get up and scurry into the bathroom connected to the room.

While they wait for the water to reach the right temperature they always have the same discussion.

“Should we take turns or shower together?”

“I vote for showering together,” Clark says.

“We did that last week,” Chloe says. “And it was fun, but we get distracted too easily and I have to get up early for work tomorrow.”

Yeah. Lex is way behind on his mutant experimentations. He needs to catch up. “We should probably shower separately.”

Clark hangs his head in disappointment. “I guess.”

“Of course, it’s nice to have someone wash my back,” Chloe says.

“And we’d save water if we did it together,” Clark adds.

“The environment is important.” Lex doesn’t actually believe that, but he says it anyway.

“Okay, we’ll shower together, but we’ll just stick to business,” Chloe says. “This week we won’t get carried away with, you know, other stuff.”

“We can do that,” Clark says.

“Sure.” Lex knows they can’t, but what the hell. Those mutants are locked up. They aren’t going anywhere.

Now it’s time to test the water temperature. It took a few weeks of learning the hard way that Clark can’t be the one to check. It doesn’t matter if the water’s freezing cold or hot enough to peel skin, he always announces that the temperature’s perfect. So, now either Lex or Chloe check the water. When it’s just right all three of them step into the shower together.

It’s a good sized shower stall with jets on three sides. It might surprise some people to learn that 17th century Scottish mansions aren’t known for their plumbing. When Lex moved in he had to have all the bathrooms redone. The showers are his pride and joy. When his father tries to insult him by saying he hasn’t accomplished anything in life, Lex smiles to himself and thinks of his showers.

After a moment of just standing under the water Lex grabs the bottle of shampoo. It’s not something he uses when he showers alone, but with Clark and Chloe here he gets to go to town. He loves running his fingers through their hair, massaging their scalps. It’s such a treat. In his next life he’s coming back as an evil hairdresser.

And he doesn’t limit himself to the hair on top of their heads. No sir. Where there’s hair he’s there. Wash, rinse, repeat. Wash, rinse repeat. Life is wonderful.

It’s when he’s reaching for the nether hair that Chloe says, “Stick to business, Luthor.”

“You’re pretty filthy down there, Chloe,” Lex says. “I have to be thorough.”

She shrugs and closes her eyes.

Clark is working on Chloe’s back, but once Lex’s hand is between her legs he doesn’t want to be left out. His hands slip around to Chloe’s front and he starts to soap up her breasts.

“Clark,” Chloe warns.

“I’m being thorough too,” he says as his fingers make quick, little circles around her nipples.

“I’ll show you thorough,” she says. She grabs the bar of soap, works up a good lather and then reaches behind her, taking hold of Clark’s cock.

“God, yes,” Clark gasps. “Be thorough. Be very, very thorough.”

Now that Chloe’s broken the ‘business’ barrier, Lex can do the same. He slips a finger inside her, probing just a little. Okay, maybe more than a little.

“Uhh.” Chloe parts her legs and leans back against Clark’s shoulder.

Lex kind of enjoys watching Clark and Chloe get off. Their eyes are closed, their mouths opened slightly, their noses scrunched up. They whimper and moan as their skin starts to flush. Other people’s sex faces are so funny.

Tomorrow, when Lex watches the video from tonight (yeah, the video that Chloe and Clark know nothing about), he’ll laugh at their sex faces. It’s become part of his Friday morning ritual.

Without opening his eyes, Clark takes a hand off Chloe’s breast and reaches for Lex’s dick. There’s no denying it, the boy knows his way around a penis. Probably from years of practice.

Well, now Lex has got his sex face on too. Good thing he always keeps his back to the camera.

They proceed with the circle jerk to end all circle jerks. Basically that means that when all the other circle jerks are over, this one will still be going on.

They move torturously, gloriously slow, keeping each other on the verge of ecstasy, but not letting it go any further.

“God, Lex,” Chloe moans. “Just finish me off already.”

Lex grits his teeth. “Not until Clark does me.”

“Uh-uh,” Clark groans. “I want to be first.”

It’s like a Mexican Standoff, only with genitalia, not guns.

“I’ll never get home at this rate,” Chloe says. “I’ll have to use another sick day tomorrow.”

The water has rinsed the soap off of Chloe’s free breast. It’s there, in front of Lex, like a mound of vanilla ice cream with a cherry on top. He wants a taste.

The problem is, he doesn’t want to limit Clark’s access to him. He awkwardly bends sideways at the waist until he’s level with her boob. Then he moves in for a lick. Mmmm. Delicious. He goes back for seconds.

“Ahh-ooohhh,” Chloe whimpers. Her hips start to buck against his hand.

Oh fuck. She’s getting herself off. Lex can’t let her beat him to the finish line. He thrusts into Clark’s palm, fast and hard.

“No. Me. First,” Clark grunts.

Now their hips jut wildly back and forth. It’s like they’re working together to keep a giant hula-hoop up.

They may not climax in unison, but it’s pretty darn close. Lex shoots his load onto Clark’s leg. Clark spews on Chloe’s ass. And Chloe comes all over Lex’s hand.

They lean against each other for a moment and catch their breath.

“I guess we have to wash up again,” Clark says.

“Okay,” Chloe says, “but we’re sticking to business. I mean it.”

“Sure,” Lex says. They won’t. They never do.

God, he loves Thursdays.

[superag]

I so want a shower big enough for something like that. Damn, now I need one.

[ChloeLovesLex]

It’s like a Mexican Standoff, only with genitalia, not guns.

*snicker* That's awesome.


God, he loves Thursdays.

You know. Now I do too :)

[lj715]

Stick to business huh. Somehow I don;t believe it.

[lilinny]

“I vote for showering together,” Clark says.

“We did that last week,” Chloe says. “And it was fun, but we get distracted too easily and I have to get up early for work tomorrow.”

Yeah. Lex is way behind on his mutant experimentations. He needs to catch up. “We should probably shower separately.”

Clark hangs his head in disappointment. “I guess.”

I have to say this the most hilarious moment in the chapter. It just keeps getting smuttier and smuttier. Love it!! Wonder what's next for the curious trio?

[hfce]

They are nasty but fun. :rofl:

[purplemoon123]

Oh lordy this is cracky smut!!!! Their banter on deciding to shower alone but then being convinced to do it together is just too funny.


And he doesn’t limit himself to the hair on top of their heads. No sir. Where there’s hair he’s there. Wash, rinse, repeat. Wash, rinse repeat. Life is wonderful.

It’s when he’s reaching for the nether hair that Chloe says, “Stick to business, Luthor.”

“You’re pretty filthy down there, Chloe,” Lex says. “I have to be thorough.”

She shrugs and closes her eyes.

:rofl::rofl::rofl: *snicker, turns into a laugh which turns into a cackle*

Rocio

[Firebunny]

I so want a shower big enough for something like that. I want those two men for something like that.



*snicker* That's awesome. Thank you. I like the little sounds you all make



Stick to business huh. Somehow I don;t believe it. Don’t believe it. They can’t do it.



Wonder what's next for the curious trio? What’s next? Chlex is next! We’ve finally made it to the Chlex chapter. Yay!



They are nasty but fun. :rofl: Oh good. I’m glad you’re enjoying my nasty humor.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter Eleven
The Night Hate Turned Physical


Lex knows he shouldn’t do it. He shouldn’t pass Chloe the Hate card. She’s already pretty ticked off, what with the whole kidnapping her mother thing, but he can’t resist. He’s gonna get some good hatin’ tonight.

As soon as their cards are flipped over Chloe stands up with enough force to knock her chair backwards. She starts ripping at her clothes; buttons fly, fabric tears.

She doesn’t even bother to unhook her bra; she just pulls it off over her head, inspiring Lex to say, “Release the hounds.”

“That’s it, Mother Fucker.” She gets a running start and launches herself at him.

Clark catches her in mid air. “Slow down, Chloe.”

“Let me at him,” she spits. “I’m going to kill the piss infected blister.”

“Bring it on, Bitch,” Lex says and he thumps his chest to show he’s not afraid.

Clark doesn’t let her go. She squirms in his arms, but his grip never loosens.

“I swear to God, Clark,” she growls, “Kryptonite enema.”

“Yikes!” Clark drops her on the floor.

She scrambles to her feet and runs at Lex, screaming like a banshee. She slams him against the wall and slaps him hard across the face.

That does it. Who says you can’t hit a girl, especially if she hits you first?

He slaps her back, hard. She staggers backwards and hisses, “Toad’s gonads.”

Then she charges at him again, her fingers are nothing more than claws. She tears at his shirt.

“Hey! It took 12 virgin seamstresses a week to sew this shirt.” He only has three others just like it.

He grabs her middle in a big bear hug and lifts her off the floor. He’s going to hoist her across the room, or as far as he can throw her, which probably isn’t more than a foot or so.

But Chloe’s too quick. She bites him on the shoulder. He starts to scream with pain as her teeth sink into his flesh. But his cry comes to an abrupt stop when her tongue slides over his wound.

She pulls away. The hatred in her eyes is palpable. It comes off of her in a pulsing wave. Other parts of her are probably pulsing too.

Lex grabs a handful of her hair and yanks her to him. Then he’s kissing her hard, so hard it hurts. He can taste his blood on her lips.

They fall to the floor. He scrapes his teeth across her neck. She rips his pants. What the hell. The shirt’s already ruined.

Ahh, the hate fuck, God’s gift to mankind.

“Oh, wait. Round Three already?” Clark says as he hops up and down on one foot while pulling his shoe off. “I’m not prepared.”

But Lex and Chloe are too far gone to wait for Clark.

Tonight he has to undress himself.

[BackupLover]

God, I don't know whether to keep reading this fic or sent for those nice men in white coats to go visit you. The "rules" of this game Lex has concocted are so convoluted and bass-ackwards that he seems to have thrown his entire Luthor persona away; yet that's what amuses me so much. Each of them is so unlike their cannon- which is good, since cannon=suck.


She doesn’t even bother to unhook her bra; she just pulls it off over her head, inspiring Lex to say, “Release the hounds.”
I love that only Lex and Chloe have anything related to their personalities in this story; while Clark seems as bewildered as the rest of us about what the hell is going on. Lex Luthor WOULD have some smarmy-ass comment if Chloe took off her shirt and bra as an act of defiance!


“I swear to God, Clark,” she growls, “Kryptonite enema.”

“Yikes!” Clark drops her on the floor.

:rofl:Oh, Chloe!!! I wish you would say this in cannon when Clark has his head stuck up his ass! And Clark!!! You're such a weenie!:rofl:


She slams him against the wall and slaps him hard across the face.

That does it. Who says you can’t hit a girl, especially if she hits you first?

He slaps her back, hard. She staggers backwards and hisses, “Toad’s gonads.”

I'm a mix of aghast that Lex would hit a woman, especially Chloe; but her response to this act of violence makes me giggle too much to care. Technically, she did draw first blood and got the final blow by comparing him to amphibious genetalia. POINT CHLOE!!!


Ahh, the hate fuck, God’s gift to mankind.
Oh Lex, I agree. In fact, you and I should get together while I scream at you naked for courting Lana. Your punishment would be to spend as many days with you as wasted screentime minutes devoted to this poor decision. It's only fair if you're naked too, btw.


“Oh, wait. Round Three already?” Clark says as he hops up and down on one foot while pulling his shoe off. “I’m not prepared.”

Change Clark's count Three to Round One; and this would be a perfect "that's what she said". For now, I must remain amused at his attempt to play catchup.

FireBunny, I love this odd fic; and think that we should start a fund to make this part of the deleted scenes for the season DVD. I'm sure MR would come back to film. He'd do anything for a terrifying mob of fangirls. He has no choice.

[lj715]

Ok...bring on Round Three. Can't wait.

[hfce]

DAMN!! My mouth is still open. :rofl:

[ChloeLovesLex]

“I swear to God, Clark,” she growls, “Kryptonite enema."

Bwahahaa! Tell him Chloe. Clark's such a wuss bag. I love how Chloe freely talks about his powers and weakness right in front of Lex.

[purplemoon123]

Yay, Chlex goodness!!! Now keep them ignoring Clark!!! :grin3:

Rocio

[Firebunny]

I'm a mix of aghast that Lex would hit a woman, especially Chloe; but her response to this act of violence makes me giggle too much to care. I for one think violence against anyone is wrong. It’s just as bad to hit a man as it is to hit a woman. But Chloe started it. What was Lex supposed to do, let her wail on him?


FireBunny, I love this odd fic; and think that we should start a fund to make this part of the deleted scenes for the season DVD. I'm sure MR would come back to film. He'd do anything for a terrifying mob of fangirls. He has no choice. I’m all for it, but we’ll have to raise a lot of money, because the cast is about to get bigger.



Ok...bring on Round Three. Can't wait. Round Three that night is left to your imagination, but it will have consequences we’ll all have to live with.



DAMN!! My mouth is still open. :rofl: Be careful around this crowd. Someone might try to stick something in it.



I love how Chloe freely talks about his powers and weakness right in front of Lex. Yes, and Lex still hasn’t figured it out. Oh Lex, why can’t you see what’s right in front of you?



Yay, Chlex goodness!!! Now keep them ignoring Clark!!! :grin3: Oh, it’s impossible to ignore Teh Pretty or Teh Stupid.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter Twelve
The Night Even More People Played


They’ve just turned their cards over and are about to start the game when the door slams open and two men burst in. They must be part of the hoodie patrol. One wears a green hoodie, the other a red one.

“What the fuck!” Lex exclaims. “Why do I even bother to hire security?”

“Ollie, what are you doing here?” Clark asks.

“Ollie?” Lex gives a puzzled look.

“He said Green Arrow,” Chloe says. “You just heard Ollie.”

“Yeah, I’m Green Arrow,” Green Arrow says.

“And I’m Impulse,” the little guy says. Then he disappears in a red blur that circles around the room.

Lex knows who he is. The kid’s name is Bart. Lex has already captured and tortured him once. Been there, done that, got the T-shirt.

“So, what are you doing here?” Clark asks again.

The red blur stops suddenly and Bart says, “We’ve come to blow up Baldy’s evil lavatory.”

“Lex,” Chloe asks, “you have an evil bathroom?”

Green Arrow hangs his head in shame. “Bart, for the one thousandth time, lavatory and laboratory are not the same word.”

“Lex,” Clark says, “you have an evil laboratory?”

“No,” Lex says.

“You have one in the basement,” Green Arrow says.

Oh, that evil laboratory.

“We’re on the third floor,” Lex says. “You’re no where near the basement.”

Green Arrow hangs his head in shame again. “Map Quest sucks.”

“What are you and Chloelicious doing here?” Bart asks Clark.

“Nothing,” Chloe says quickly. “I wasn’t about to take my clothes off or anything.”

“And what are these cards for?”

“They’re part of the game,” Clark says.

“Game?” Green Arrow’s head perks up. “Games are cool. How do you win?”

“It’s not that kind of game,” Lex says.

“Everyone wins,” Clark adds.

“Sounds like a pussy, new age game to me,” Green Arrow says. “It’s no fun if there isn’t a winner.”

“Oh, it’s a lot of fun,” Clark says.

“Sure if you’re used to losing,” Green Arrow says. He strolls around the room examining the furnishings. “Lex, did you use Motel 6 as your interior decorator?”

Lex hates Green Arrow. The guy’s already shot him once and blown up several of his freak installations. He’d like nothing better than to beat the jerk at something. “We can make it competitive.”

“Then I’m in.”

“We don’t have enough cards for everyone to play,” Chloe says.

“I have another deck,” Lex offers. Everyone looks at him questioningly. “In case this one got sticky,” he adds.

So, they sit down and explain the rules. Chloe adds a new one just for tonight.

“I have to be able to walk in the morning,” she says, “so there will be no penetration, but we can still have fun.”

The guys look disappointed, but they reluctantly agree.

They deal out the cards. Wouldn’t you know it? The only two cards left are the Indifferent cards.

“So, how do we make this competitive?” Green Arrow asks.

“We can break into teams,” Clark suggests.

“It’ll be two against three,” Green Arrow says. “That’s no fair.”

“I’ll play for both teams,” Lex says. “I’m used to doing that.”

“Chloeutiful’s on my team,” Bart says.

“Uh-uh,” Clark says. “Chloe’s with me.”

“I’ve got Chloe,” Green Arrow says.

Chloe slumps in her chair. “You guys just see me as a hole.”

“That’s not true,” Lex says. “You also have breasts.”

“Chloetastic breasts.”

“And you’re really good at research,” Clark adds.

“I hate all of you,” Chloe grumbles.

“No, no.” Clark holds up a card. “You love me.”

“And you love me too,” Bart says.

“Really?” Chloe looks puzzled. “I thought I hated you.”

“I hate you,” Green Arrow says, “and I’m pretty sure Lex loves me.”

“No. I most definitely hate you.”

“This is confusing,” Clark says.

“Yeah,” Chloe agrees. “There are too many players.”

“The game’s not going to work,” Lex says.

“May I make a suggestion?” Everyone turns to look at Green Arrow. “One word: Bukkake.”

“Bukkake,” Clark says, carefully annunciating the sounds. “Bukkake.” Yep, Clark has a new favorite word.”

“Chloekkake,” Bart says.

“I’m leaving.” Chloe gets up and walks to the door. “I’ve got my vibrator at home and it’s a better conversationalist than all of you combined.”

Green Arrow looks shocked. “What girl doesn’t like Bukkake?”

Clark rushes to the door and blocks the exit. “Come on guys,” he says. “We have to do something special for Chloe.”

“I’ll go down on her,” Bart offers.

“No, that’s my job,” Clark protests.

“We’ll all go down on her,” Green Arrow says.

Chloe points to him. “I now like you better than my vibrator.” And she starts taking off her shirt. Lex knows she was dying to do it anyway.

“Chloetatas!” Bart exclaims. He starts shaking so violently the chair beneath him disintegrates and he falls on the floor.

“Here’s how will do it,” Green Arrow says. God, who put him in charge? “Chloe’s the judge. Whoever makes her come the hardest is the winner.”

“She already told me I’m the best at it,” Clark says.

“Yeah, well she never met these wonder lips,” Green Arrow says.

“I will be fair and impartial.” Chloe drops her pants.

“Chloecooch!” Bart’s having a hard time breathing. His face is almost the same color as his hoodie.

“I’m going second to last,” Green Arrow says.

“I want to be second to last,” Clark says.

“Then you should have called it,” Green Arrow says. “For a guy with super powers you sure are slow.”

“Who has super powers?” Lex asks.

“Just Bart,” Chloe says. She lies down on the bed and raises her feet over her head. “Alright, let the games begin.”

Bart goes first and, yeah, he’s kind of quick about it. Afterwards Chloe makes notes because, “I just want to keep track of who does what. And Bart, remind me to show you where the clitoris is.”

Bart slumps against the wall and moans, “Chloefailure.”

Next up is Lex. He doesn’t put all his heart into it, because he already knows who’s going to win. What’s the point if it’s already been decided?

After Green Arrow Chloe just says, “Hal… oh… ween,” and forgets to take notes. Green Arrow smiles proudly as he tries to clean his sunglasses without taking them off.

Clark’s in there for close to half an hour. When he’s done Chloe’s been reduced to a puddle of red, panting flesh. Her eyes won’t focus and her lips won’t move. Lex is actually a little concerned that they might have to take her to the hospital.

“So, who won?” Green Arrow asks as he picks a hair from his teeth.

Chloe lifts her head off the bed and murmurs, “I can’t remember your names.”

It’s amazing she can remember the English language.

“Just point to the guy,” Green Arrow says impatiently.

With her last bit of energy, Chloe raises her arm and sweeps it around the room. Then it flops down right in front of……. Lex. That’s right. Lex.

“No way!” Clark exclaims.

“I demand a recount,” Green Arrow says.

Lex smiles proudly. He knew it all along. As soon as he saw the expression on Chloe’s face when he passed her the note that said ‘$1,000,000’ he knew he had it in the bag.

Chloe sighs with the contentment that only an evening of multiple orgasms and new found wealth can give a girl. She’s so content she doesn’t even seem to mind when the guys cap the night with a rousing round of Bukkake.

[ChloeLovesLex]

The red blur stops suddenly and Bart says, “We’ve come to blow up Baldy’s evil lavatory.”

“Lex,” Chloe asks, “you have an evil bathroom?”

Green Arrow hangs his head in shame. “Bart, for the one thousandth time, lavatory and laboratory are not the same word.”

“Lex,” Clark says, “you have an evil laboratory?”

“No,” Lex says.

“You have one in the basement,” Green Arrow says.

Oh, that evil laboratory.



*howl* you have to write the funniest stuff ever. :grin3:

[superag]

Love that CHloe got to enjoy the buffet. I'm sure all the men did too.

[lj715]

HA! Omg...too good for words.

[hfce]

:rofl: Lex and Chloe just are bad. :rofl:

[purplemoon123]

This chapter is just too funny. I was trying to highlight what I loved but I would of ended up highlighting the entire chapter. So I'll stick to what made me cackle: evil bathrooms, Chloetatas, Chloecooch, to Clark being confused (but that's nothing new), and Chloe swearing she would be fair and impartial to Lex bribing her. :rofl::rofl:

Rocio

[Firebunny]

*howl* you have to write the funniest stuff ever. :grin3: Thank you



Love that CHloe got to enjoy the buffet. I'm sure all the men did too. It was all you can eat. Chloe LOVED it and the guys went back for seconds.



HA! Omg...too good for words. Thanks



:rofl: Lex and Chloe just are bad. :rofl: I think Lex is rubbing off on Chloe. I mean that literally. Right now Lex is probably rubbing off on Chloe. She might be rubbing off on him too.



I'll stick to what made me cackle: evil bathrooms, Chloetatas, Chloecooch, to Clark being confused (but that's nothing new), and Chloe swearing she would be fair and impartial to Lex bribing her. :rofl::rofl: No one’s ever commented on the evil bathroom before. I like to think that Lex does have an evil bathroom. It’s black, purple and silver and what he does in it is just wicked.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter Thirteen
The Night Lana Played
or
How the Game Saved Civilization


“I’m only here to protect Chloe,” Clark says, as always, but then he adds, “and her new car. She bought KIT from Night Rider.”

Lex isn’t listening. All he can do is bask in the beautiful glow that emanates from Lana.

“Lana,” Clark says as the glow hits him.

“Lana,” Chloe echoes.

“Hi,” she whispers in her melodic voice.

For some reason Lex hates Lana when she’s not around, but he can’t for the life of him remember why. Sitting here with her now he can think of nothing but her beauty, her perfection, and how he can only ever be happy with her in his life.

“I know you’ve been meeting every week for months now,” she says softly. “Tell me what’s going on. No more secrets. No more lies.”

Clark sits down next to her and gazes at her dotingly. “I’m an alien.”

Blah, blah, blah. Clark can talk all the nonsense he wants, but Lex has to tell Lana the truth. She deserves that. She deserves everything.

“I faked your pregnancy.”

“I’ve been having kinky sex with you husband and ex-boyfriend,” Chloe says.

“Hopefully I’ll be your boyfriend again soon, very soon,” Clark says.

“I knew it,” Lana rasps. Her voice makes Lex think of angels playing violins. “You’ve all betrayed me. I feel so abandoned.”

“No one could ever abandon you,” Chloe says.

“You’re beautiful, you’re beautiful, you’re beautiful,” Clark says.

“She will be loved,” Chloe adds.

Why are Clark and Chloe speaking in song lyrics? That’s ridiculous.

“You’re all I want. You’re all I need. You’re everything,” Lex says. “Everything.”

“Stop putting me on a pedestal,” Lana says. Her breath smells like roses and honey. “I don’t need your protection.”

“Actually, we insist on using protection,” Clark says.

“Not the night of the hate fucks,” Chloe reminds them.

“Ahh, the night of the hate fucks,” Lex says fondly. Then they all sigh in unison.

“We have to do that again,” Clark says.

“You had hate sex without me?” Lana looks hurt. She’s so self-sacrificing.

Why do birds suddenly appear every time Lana’s near? Because, just like Lex, they long to be close to her.

“I love you,” Lex says.

“I love you,” Clark says.

“I’m not good enough to love you,” Chloe says.

“If you love me then you won’t shut me out. You’ll have hate sex with me.”

“It’s impossible to hate you, Lana,” Lex says.

“The only people who hate you are just jealous of your preternatural beauty,” Chloe says.

“Are you scared of me?” Lana asks. “Is it because I play the game on your level?”

“You play the game?” Clark asks.

“Oh, let’s play the game with Lana,” Chloe says.

“That’s the best idea anyone has ever had… ever!” Lex cries. He pulls out the cards and spreads them on the table. “This is a special night, guys,” he says. “Let’s do something special for Lana. Tonight, let’s not cheat.” Then he plops out his contact lenses and throws them on the floor.

“You’ve been cheating?” Clark asks.

“Lex is right,” Chloe says. “No cheating while Lana’s here. She deserves truth and honesty and truthy honestness.”

“Pass me a card,” Lex says to Lana.

“Why?”

“It’s how we play the game,” he says. “You’ll pass me a card and that’s how I’ll feel about you all night.”

Lana looks confused, adorably confused, as she slides a card over to Lex. He eagerly pushes one back to her.

“My turn,” Chloe says as she passes a card to Lana. “I’m sure I’ll love you. I only hope you’ll love me in return.”

Clark looks up at the ceiling as proof that he’s not cheating. Then he slides a card to Lana.

Now they’ve all passed Lana a card and she’s passed one to each of them. Lex is about to turn over his card when Chloe reminds him, “We haven’t passed cards to each other yet.”

“Oh, that’s right,” Lex grumbles. “You two are playing.”

Quickly they trade cards back and forth, then they flip them over.

Huh?

This is interesting. Lex, Clark and Chloe love each other, Lana hates them and they feel… indifferent to Lana.

Wow. In all the months they’ve played, the Indifferent card has only shown up once. Even with the combined decks, from playing with the Hoodie Patrol last week, there are only two Indifferent cards. And yet, Lana has somehow magically produced a third one. It just shows how perfect she is. No, she’s not perfect. She’s better than perfect.

“What happens now?” Lana asks. Her big, green eyes are like deep, bottomless pools of water. Her golden skin is like the sunset.

Chloe takes off her shoes. “We have to ignore you.”

“That’s going to be hard,” Clark says.

“Impossible,” Lex agrees as he snaps on a rubber glove.

“What do I do?” Lana asks. Her hair is like black silk. Her body is like a pixie without wings.

“You have to say horrible things to us.” Chloe starts to unbutton her shirt.

“This is what you’ve been doing for the past few months?” Lana asks. Her lips are like candy apples. Her fingers are like… something. “You guys are weird.”

“That’s good,” Clark says as he sprawls out on the bed. “But be meaner. Don’t be afraid to get really insulting and hurtful.”

“You’re a bunch of perverted freaks,” Lana says.

Lex straddles Clark. “That’s the best insult anyone has ever come up with.”

“Boys,” Chloe says as she drapes her naked body over Clark’s chest and pulls Lex down on top of her, “we’re not ignoring Lana. We have to play by the rules. Lana deserves that.”

Lex can’t do it. He can’t not think about Lana. Even as he’s smacking Chloe’s ass and kissing Clark on the mouth he’s remembering that time Lana accepted his marriage proposal by telling him she was still in love with Clark. That was so romantic.

Then Clark slips him the tongue and… what was he thinking about again?

“Clark, I can’t believe you agreed to this,” what’s her face says. “But then again, you let me crap all over you. How many times do I have to **** on you before you decide it stinks?”

Someone’s hand is down Lex’s pants. It’s probably Chloe. She just can’t keep her mitts off the crown jewels. That’s right. Lex’s junk is the equivalent of precious stones.

“And Chloe,” a thin, screeching voice says, “you think you’re so smart and special, but really you’re a ****, a sore, oozing ****.”

Lex starts thrusting into Chloe’s palm. Oh, yeah. That’s good. The girl’s got the touch when it comes to hand jobs. And… wait a minute. What’s that? Is that Clark’s thumb up his butt? He sure is a special boy.

“Lex, Lex, Lex. Someone needs to **** you with a long, sharp pole. Right up the ***.” What is that annoying buzzing sound? “And then they should ******** your ******* ***** with a fork ****** *** and ***** **** up your nose.”

Lex’s pants are around his ankles and he’s got Clark’s shirt up over the farmboy’s head. And Chloe… well, he’s getting a good look at what Chloe’s like on the inside.

“If I *** ** ******* way, I’d **** *** **** **** and spit ** ** **** **** covering *** **** *** a ***** until *** ***** ** Thanksgiving ******!”

Now they’re doing things that would make Caligula blush. Lex has got his fist up this one and his foot in that one. Yes, he’s fisting and footing and it’s great.

“**** *** *** ** ****, *** *************! * ***’* ******* * *** *** *** **** **** ** **** **** * ***** ** *** ***** ****** **** ***** **** *** ** **** *****!”

This feels so good it almost hurts. Lex may be so bruised and battered tomorrow that he’ll look like Joan Crawford’s adopted daughter, but it’s worth it. He’s about to come so hard…

And then there’s nothing, no light, no sound. Lex is nothing more than an orgasm spilling out into infinity.

When he comes to he can hear Clark howling and Chloe screaming, “MAYOR McCHEESE.”

They flop onto their backs, panting and panting, letting the buzz of their bodies settle.

As Lex breathes in he can smell something. Yuck. Is someone tarring the roof of the mansion?

He lifts his head up. There’s a small, dark stain on the rug. Gross.

“Where’s Lana?” Chloe asks.

Clark just shrugs.

Lex looks around, puzzled. “Who’s Lana?”

[lj715]

"MAYOR McCHEESE"!!!!!!! :rofl: Love it, love it, love it. "Who's Lana?" :D

[hfce]

Lord have mercy this fic. :rofl: Was Blana a mirage? :P

[whodunit??]

Sorry I haven't posted before this. It's funny how the fic is called love/hate because honestly that's how I sometimes feel as I read each update. I love the some of the dialogue and the sex scenes are very well written. But the rest of the plotline is just so weird I can't decide if its ingenius or just a turn off.

But for the most part I like the fic a lot. It's funny and hot and every story needs a little bit of craziness, so keep up the writing and post more soon.

Heather

[purplemoon123]

Reading the title made me just a bit sick to my stomach but a good thing I kept on reading. Because if I hadn't I would of missed Lana dissappearing into a dark stain in the rug. That's just full of win!!!!

Rocio

[Firebunny]

"MAYOR McCHEESE"!!!!!!! :rofl: Love it, love it, love it. "Who's Lana?" :D Thank you, glad you like.



Lord have mercy this fic. :rofl: Was Blana a mirage? :P I think she was some kind of vampire meteor freak. She feeds off people’s adulation of her, so first her power bewitches people into loving her unconditionally, then she feeds off that. When Lex, Chloe and Clark started going at it they forgot about Lana. She couldn’t feed off their love anymore so she turned into what she really is, a foul smelling stain.



Sorry I haven't posted before this. It's funny how the fic is called love/hate because honestly that's how I sometimes feel as I read each update. I love the some of the dialogue and the sex scenes are very well written. But the rest of the plotline is just so weird I can't decide if its ingenius or just a turn off. I understand your mixed reactions to the fic. Everyone has different tastes and this fic isn’t going to appeal to all (maybe not even to most). It’s crude and at times obscure and I make fun of just about everything I can. A friend of mine said the other night that she thought it was “too sophisticated for most readers.” I don’t know how anyone could consider something with rusty trombones and bukkake as sophisticated, but there you go. It just shows we all see the same things different ways.

But thanks for your honesty and for continuing with the fic. This is the last update. No more. Human civilization falls with the end of this one.

I think next I’ll post an angsty, non smutty, short so that people don’t think I only crack!porn. I do write a lot of crack!porn, but I write other stuff too.



Reading the title made me just a bit sick to my stomach but a good thing I kept on reading. Because if I hadn't I would of missed Lana dissappearing into a dark stain in the rug. That's just full of win!!!! When I first started posting this fic over at K-site I made a promise to a couple people, Kit Merlot being one of them, that Lana would never appear on page. But then someone asked if there could be a Lana chapter. I think she was a Lana fan, which just goes to prove you shouldn’t ask me for anything, ‘cause I’ll deliver in the worst way. I think a lot of people had the same reaction to the chapter title that you had.

Anyway, I’m sorry that I induced nausea. But I’m glad you liked Lana’s demise. It’s how I think she deserves to end her story on Smallville.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter Fourteen
The Night Chloe was Late
or
How the Game Destroyed Civilization


“I’m only here to protect Chloe,” Clark says as soon as he enters the room.

“That’s going to be hard,” Lex says. “She’s not here yet.”

“Chloe’s late?”

“I guess so. I was expecting her to come with you. Don’t you two usually come together?”

“Yeah” Clark smiles as he sits down. “We usually come at the same time. When she comes I come. I like coming with Chloe.”

“Yeah, Clark,” Lex says. “It was a lame joke the first time. It’s just as lame the third time.”

“Sorry.”

They sit in silence for a moment.

“When’s Chloe getting here?” Clark asks.

“I don’t know,” Lex says. “I thought she’d come with you.”

Clark giggles. “We usually come together.”

“Okay,” Lex is getting annoyed. “Even more lame the fourth time.”

“So, what do we do?”

What should they do? Lex has Clark alone. This is something he’s dreamed about for years. He can’t let the opportunity pass him by.

“We could start the game without her,” he offers.

“Chloe wouldn’t like that,” Clark says. “She loves the game. She’d get mad if we started without her. I mean, if you thought she was mad when you kidnapped her mother, it would be nothing compared to this.”

“It was fun when she got mad about her mom,” Lex says.

“Yeah.” Clark gets a wistful look on his face. “That was a good night. But I don’t think this will be a good mad. We could end up singing in a boys’ choir.”

“Hide the scissors,” Lex gasps. “Okay, we won’t start the game. But we have to do something. The longer we sit here the more the mood’s going to fade. Chloe wouldn’t be happy if she got here and we weren’t in the mood.”

“True,” Clark says. “She wouldn’t be happy.”

“So, we need to do something that will keep us in the mood.”

Clark eyes Lex suspiciously. “What do you suggest?”

“We could fluff each other,” Lex says.

“I don’t know,” Clark says. “That sounds kind of … you know.”

“You’ve had my dick in your mouth before,” Lex says. “How was that not ‘you know’ then?”

“Chloe was here,” Clark answers. “If there’s a girl in the room it’s kinky and sexually freeing. But no girl, then it’s… you know.”

Lex rolls his eyes. “Well, we wouldn’t want to be… you know.”

Clark’s hang ups were kind of interesting at one time. Now they’re just in the way.

“Listen,” Lex says, “we’d only be doing it to make Chloe happy. If you’re doing it for a girl then it’s all legal.”

“I guess,” Clark says.

“I’m not suggesting anything drastic, just a little make-out session. And I could jerk you off in your pants.”

“Okay.” Clark stands up and unbuckles his belt.

Then Chloe walks into the room.

“I’m late,” she says, a worried look on her face.

“Not late enough,” Lex mumbles.

“Yeah,” Clark says. “Come back in three minutes.”

Lex looks at Clark. “Three minutes?”

“An hour,” Clark quickly says. “Come back in an hour.”

“You don’t understand,” Chloe says as she sits down at the table. “I’m late.”

Lex can feel a shiver of dread start at the top of his head and work its way down to his toes. “How late?”

“Very late,” Chloe says.

“Then it won’t make much difference if you come back in an hour,” Clark says.

“Different kind of late, Clark,” Lex growls.

“Oh.” Clark sits down, finally understanding the gravity of the situation. “Well, it’s not mine. I can’t breed with humans.”

“You can’t breed… you’re not human?” Lex asks.

“God, Lex,” Chloe says. “You’ve known him how many years and you’re just figuring out now that he’s not human? Humans don’t look this good.”

“That’s true,” Clark says.

“Of course I knew he wasn’t human,” Lex laughs. “I knew all along.” Clark’s not human??!!

“So, if Clark’s not the father, then it has to be you.” Chloe points to Lex.

“Hey, hey, hey!” Lex says. “I already gave you a million dollars--”

“Why’d you give Chloe a million dollars?”

“--If this is a ploy to get at the rest of my billions, then you have another thing coming, missy. I’m sterile.”

“You’re sterile?” Clark asks.

“Why do you think I had to fake Lana’s pregnancy?” Lex says. “If my guys could swim I would have gotten her pregnant for real. It would have been a lot less trouble. Of course, then there would have been a baby and they’re all kinds of trouble. I really need to think through my evil plots more thoroughly.”

“Well, one of you is the father,” Chloe says.

“We can’t to be too sure about that,” Lex says. “You’re kind of a slut, Chloe. You’re the box populi. And I’m not saying that as an insult. I like sluts. It’s why I’m so fond of Clark.”

“Thanks,” Clark says.

“But you are dating Jimmy Olsen. Then there’s the night with the masked gunman,” Lex continues, “who, by the way, was a real gunman, not someone I hired. And let’s not forget the whole Hoodie Patrol.”

“One,” Chloe holds up a finger, “Jimmy has a problem, a Bob Dole sort of problem. Not even Viagra can fix it. Two,” she holds up another finger, “the guy you hired used a condom.”

“We use condoms too,” Clark says.

“Not the night of the hate fucks,” Chloe reminds them.

“Ah, the night of the hate fucks,” Lex says fondly. Then they all sigh in unison.

“We have to do that again,” Clark says.

“And three,” Chloe holds up a third finger, “the Hoodie Patrol, or rather the Justice League as they prefer to be called, never got past the pearly gates.”

“Pearly gates,” Lex snorts. “If you’re implying that something’s heaven, you’re more self-centered than Lana.”

“You’re the one who yells out God’s name when you’re there,” Chloe says.

“I don’t understand,” Clark says. “If I’m not the father, Lex isn’t the father, Jimmy isn’t the father, the guy Lex hired isn’t the father, and the Justice League aren’t the father, then who’s the father?”

“That’s what I’d like to know,” Chloe says.

“I do have that evil laboratory in the basement,” Lex says. “We could run some tests and find out tonight.”

“Let’s go,” Chloe says.

“Now hold on,” Lex says to her. “This could involve strapping you down naked to a table and having dozens of strange men poke you with scary and unnecessary instruments.”

“I’m actually okay with that,” she says.

So, four hours later, Chloe’s still strapped naked to the table and the head evil scientist is presenting the results to Lex and Clark.

“I’ve never seen anything like it,” he says. “It seems you’re both the father.”

“How is that possible?” Lex asks.

“As far as I can tell,” the scientist says, “your dead sperm merged with his alien semen and fertilized her freakish ovum. It’s really quite scary.”

“Wow, Lex,” Clark says as the scientist leaves to go stock his bomb shelter, “we’re going to have a baby.”

“It’ll be one hell of a kid.” Lex smiles. “What with your strength,” he looks at Clark, “your snark,” he looks at Chloe, “and my intelligence, nothing can stop it.”

“If it has your intelligence it’s doomed,” Chloe says.

“Hey! I’m an evil mastermind.”

“Please,” she says. “You couldn’t figure out how to pour piss out of a boot if the instructions were written on the bottom.”

“Well, you’re a slut!”

“Stop it! Stop it!” Clark cries. “We can’t fight anymore. We’re going to be a family.”

“Guys,” Chloe says and she tries to lift her arms to take their hands, but since they’re still strapped to the table, she can’t. “I think we already are a family.”


And thirty-two months later, little Chlarex was born. How he used his strength, snark and mediocre intelligence to take over the world and enslave the human race…well, that’s a different story.


The End (for real)

[Kit Merlot]

“Hey! I’m an evil mastermind.”

This is still my favorite line! Poor Lex, he's so delusional:D

I am so glad that you brought this fic over from Kryptonsite--it is a truly brilliant and one of a kind--AWESOME WORK:grin3:

[lj715]

That is the most bizarre ending I have ever read.....EVER!!!! I really wasn;t expecting that. Don;t know how I feel about it...think I;m still too stunned to say. :eek:

[hfce]

This was the most strangest fic I have ever read. I am surprised I stayed with it so long. :rofl: I just couldn't stop reading. I needed to see it to the conclusion. I am glad I did it was a fun and bizarre ride. :)

[Krissy235]

“Chloe’s late?”

“I guess so. I was expecting her to come with you. Don’t you two usually come together?”

“Yeah” Clark smiles as he sits down. “We usually come at the same time. When she comes I come. I like coming with Chloe.”

“Yeah, Clark,” Lex says. “It was a lame joke the first time. It’s just as lame the third time.”

“Sorry.”

They sit in silence for a moment.

“When’s Chloe getting here?” Clark asks.

“I don’t know,” Lex says. “I thought she’d come with you.”

Clark giggles. “We usually come together.”

“Okay,” Lex is getting annoyed. “Even more lame the fourth time.”

Oh, BDA. Perfect!!



“Yeah,” Clark says. “Come back in three minutes.”

Lex looks at Clark. “Three minutes?”

“An hour,” Clark quickly says. “Come back in an hour.”

GOLD.


“Of course I knew he wasn’t human,” Lex laughs. “I knew all along.” Clark’s not human??!!

Heehee!!!


"Wow, Lex,” Clark says as the scientist leaves to go stock his bomb shelter, “we’re going to have a baby.”

You actually found a way for Clark and Lex to have a child together that doesn't involve a pregnant Lex. Nice.


"Stop it! Stop it!” Clark cries. “We can’t fight anymore. We’re going to be a family.”

I'm in love with the way you write Clark. It's just fucking brilliant.

Awesome job, Firebunny. My inner perv is tres pleased.

[purplemoon123]

“As far as I can tell,” the scientist says, “your dead sperm merged with his alien semen and fertilized her freakish ovum. It’s really quite scary.”


Oh lordy, :rofl: this is just too hilarious and sad to see it end. Thanks for giving this us.

Rocio

[Firebunny]

I am so glad that you brought this fic over from Kryptonsite--it is a truly brilliant and one of a kind--AWESOME WORK:grin3: Thank you for bringing me over here. It’s been a lot of fun to share this story with the Chlexers.



That is the most bizarre ending I have ever read.....EVER!!!! I really wasn;t expecting that. Don;t know how I feel about it...think I;m still too stunned to say. :eek: Stunned in a good way, I hope. It does have a happy ending. That’s something, right? It shows that Lex, Chloe and Clark can live happy and fulfilling lives together. The rest of the world will suffer, but Lex, Chloe, Clark and their unnatural offspring will be happy.



This was the most strangest fic I have ever read. I am surprised I stayed with it so long. :rofl: I just couldn't stop reading. I needed to see it to the conclusion. I am glad I did it was a fun and bizarre ride. :) This isn’t bizarre. Bizarre is Clark/Chloe/Bizarro porn. I’ve written six of those. But thank you for joining me on this little epic journey.



You actually found a way for Clark and Lex to have a child together that doesn't involve a pregnant Lex. Nice. Yes, but it does involve Chloe being pregnant for three years, so… I guess there’s always a trade off.


Awesome job, Firebunny. My inner perv is tres pleased. Thanks. I strive to feed the inner perv in all of us.



Oh lordy, :rofl: this is just too hilarious and sad to see it end. Thanks for giving this us. Thank you for all your comments. You’ve been great about leaving feedback.



This has to be the most insane strory I have ever read, and I loved it especially when they sighed about the hate fucks. I want to read more stories from you soon. I have more crack!porn, but none of it involves Chlex, so I can’t post it here. I do have a angsty PG Chlex one-shot I’ll post here today if I don’t run out of time.


Thanks again everyone for letting me share my perv with you. Maybe I’ll get the bug to write a true Chlex crack!porn. If I can ever figure out how to leave the gorgeous alien out. That’ll be the hard part. Gorgeous, naked, stupid alien seems to be my downfall.

[dagney]

As I said before, every time I read this I can't stop laughing. It so sick and twisted in a good way. I love your crack fics and with how you portray Clark as such a BIG DUMB ALIEN.

may you stick around and be inspired by the wealth of drama, angst, and hot smutty stories this site has and be converted to a CHLEX.

Dagney

[moonstar_sfu]

This is fantastic and freaking hilarious. God I loved the Chloe/Lex/Clark banter in this, so funny :rofl: Turning Lana into a foul smelling stain was genius, if only that would really happen on the show. Aw well, one can always dream :D

[Booksketeer]

...Wow. I can't say that I've ever wanted to giggle and vomit at the same time before now, but...that was just so awesome. And now I feel like an idiot because I had to look up the word bukkake in wikipedia. I think my favorite lines were the ones about the hate sex-then everyone sighs. That was hilarious. Wonderful job!

[Nimmie]

This is without doubt the funniest wet my pants laughing fic I've ever read. I love it

;0

[SinnerSaint]

I don't even know how I should respond to this story. I mean, the entire thing was cracktastic, and I laughed my ass off through the whole thing, and it was hot...but I can't seem to really articulate what it was I loved about this so much. It was well written and made of awesome and crack. There, I have successfully expressed myself.

[Jehye]

ROFL! This was great! Lex's "win some, lose some" reaction to Lana's kidnapping...and the "what the hell, the mutants are locked up. It's not like they're going anywhere" line... too funny!

[malugargula]

What a strange and funny fic
:)
Great job

[dkfuryan]

love this story, twisted yet so funny!

[Firebunny]

A bit late here, but thank you everyone who has left feedback. I wrote this fic so long ago it's like another person wrote it. It was a pleasure reading your thoughts and comments.

[TheAmazingApe]

Ahem. Bump!

[CrazyGirlWriter]

the best way i can think to describe this story is that it's a great story but it's on crack. the complete randomness at times, at times lol, was absolutely hilarious. loved the way you wrote the characters thanks for posting it

[malugargula]

So bizarre and so funny

[TheAmazingApe]

I can't even say how many times I've reread this story by now. It's still the most hilarious crackfic I've ever read.