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westwingwolf
18th October 2007, 06:27
Title: WikiBlessed
Author: westwingwolf
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I still own nothing but the insanity. I also don't condone or participate in guinea pig fights. I only condone the death of Lana (and participate in it to an extent)
Author's Note: When I first started this Wiki Series, it was just supposed to be a one time joke. Now, this is the 5th story I've written about Wikipedia. Technically, this one has more to do with the guinea pigs so I hope nonky doesn't get too mad at me for cutting into her territory. All information pertaining to guinea pigs was found on Wikipedia. Blame nonky and somethingeasy for making me continue the crazy.
Summary: This story covers the timespan of the 10 years after WikiBumped. Please read all previous Wiki stories to understand this foolishness.



Cavia Wikitoria Luthor, better known as Tory, lives a blessed life. Most would say this is because she is the oldest child of Lex and Chloe Luthor. Some would say it is because she has never known the horror of having Lana Lang in her life. But only a privileged few know the truth is due to where she lives.

There is nothing truly special about Smallville but on the edge of town is the Luthor mansion that has been a guinea pig plantation for the last nine years.

Lex and Chloe moved back to Smallville after Tory turned one because more space was needed for their growing piggy population. Lex still refused to give away even one of the pigs on the off chance that some sneaky prospective owner actually cooked traditional Peruvian cuisine.

A detailed description of the current Luthor property can be found on Chlexipedia. It has a fifty acre wire pig pen where all the guineas sleep comfortably during the spring and summer months. The guinea pen is kept cool during the day and warm at night. The area is filled with wood shavings and huge wooden homes. Food and water troughs are located throughout the pen so no pig has to travel too far. Exercise wheels are also available for those pigs that choose to use them.

A separate area is set up for the skinnies. This fifty acre pig pen is surrounded in special glass so that the sun is not harmful and is cooled to the perfect temperature so they do not overheat.

Every day, the guineas and skinnies have a chance to mingle and for those lucky few who choose to cross the lines of furriness and baldness, there is another fifty acre piece of land for the mixed families to prosper.

The Olympic sized, one foot deep swimming pool is supervised daily by a team of Navy SEALs to prevent drowning.

When the weather turns cooler, all piggies are brought into the mansion and occupy the second floor which had been converted to a large open area with all the comforts of their outdoor homes.

Of course the patriarch and matriarch of the family, Stu and Nosy, live in the Luthor mansion year round. Their home is located on the third floor in the room next to Lex and Chloe. Ben, having become Tory’s favorite piggy lives with his family in Tory’s room. Mandy’s family currently resides in Lex and Chloe’s son’s room.

Though Lex was eager to increase his family as soon as Chloe was physically able, Chloe insisted on waiting at least two years. When their son was born, Chloe wanted to call him Charles with the idea being that he would be nicknamed Chip, but Lex absolutely refused. They settled on naming him Andrew.

Sadly the piggies would not live forever and Lex didn’t want them to because hanging on past one’s prime would just seem pathetic. However, he did want them to age naturally if that natural aging could be prolonged. He calculated that with a healthy diet and the special vitamins that his scientists had formulated, the piggies could live a longer, fuller life. It would be difficult when he finally had to say goodbye to his small pals, but with any luck, he, Chloe, Stu and Nosy could all go at the same time.

After Nosy’s fifth litter, Lex and Chloe made the decision to give Stu a vasectomy and Nosy tubal ligation, so that they could spend the rest of their lives without being separated and risking a traumatic pregnancy. This option was better than neutering and spaying because they did not have the heart to decrease their tiny friends’ sexual appetites.

Tory lived her entire life so far with the piggies and knew that she would gladly spend the rest of her life helping to care for the tiny creatures. As a baby, she crawled after Stu and Nosy and their children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, great great-grandchildren, great great great-grandchildren and so on.

When she was three, she was allowed to carefully hold the pigs with her parents constantly watching. Being a child, she of course had some difficulties in knowing how to properly hold them, but her parents were always patient and understanding. They never yelled or punished her, just showed her the methods again and praised her whenever she did something right. And the piggies always forgave her if she dropped them because it would only be a few inches and pillows were wisely placed underneath any space that she was doing the holding.

By the age of five, she could set the food and water bowls out herself. She was allowed to play and watch the piggies without constant supervision from her parents.

Now at age ten, she was responsible for making sure all the piggies on the property were happy and healthy. When her Grandpa Gabe visited, would tell him all about which piggies were born, which ones were married, had babies, and learned new tricks. He dutifully and excitedly listened as she regaled with the tale of how she trained Cuy to master Free Cell and was now working on Spider Solitaire.

She had asked her father is he could play poker with Stu, Ben and the other boys, but her dad had warned her that Cuy didn’t know how to bluff yet and still shook his butt any time he had a good hand. He would need more training before he could handle playing with the big boys.

Her other grandfather was not allowed back in the mansion since a disastrous event occurred when she was six.

Lionel had tried to impart his wisdom on Lex and Chloe’s curious hobby and brought what he considered an appropriate gift of sorts. However, he had not taken the time to really get to know the importance of the piggies to the younger Luthors. If he had, he would have thought twice before intruding.

Lionel brought a chestnut colored furry male Texel with him. He didn’t have a name picked out so Lex suggested Scrooge McDuck. Lionel, however, did not fine this name to be regal enough so instead called him Leon. He thought this extremely curly, long-haired guinea pig would be the perfect addition to his son’s latest obsession. He considered the fact that all of the pigs on the plantation were either short haired or bald was just an oversight on his son’s part.

He did not listen as both Lex and Chloe protested when he picked up the pig and placed it in Stu and Nosy’s cage. Immediately the dark furred pig scurried over to Nosy. He swayed side to side and made a rumbling sound.

Lex had started to make his way to the cage when Chloe held him back and insisted he wait to see how the piggies handled the situation.

Nosy had started gnashing her teeth when Leon got to close. Chloe commented that is sounded like she was telling Leon to wash his hair and get a haircut. Nosy followed this noise by squealing and chirping. Stu came to his mate’s defense by standing between her and the interloper. He bit Leon which made the pig start backing himself into a corner. Stu continued to bite the fiend. Nosy soon joined in the fight by tugging at his long fur.

Soon the only noise heard was Leon’s shrieking. By the time Lionel was able to get to the pig, it was cowering in a fetal position in the corner. Patches of its fur littered the bottom of the cage. Stu and Nosy decided to celebrate their victory by retreating into their wooden home and use their energy in an entirely different way.

After Lionel had placed Leon back in his travel cage, he looked over Lex who was giving him his trademark smirk. Lionel grumbled and left the mansion without a word but everyone knew that Stu and Nosy’s victory was also a victory for Lex over Lionel. From that moment on, Lionel only spoke to his son at work and dutifully asked about Chloe, Tory and Drew, but not about the pigs. Never about the pigs.

Even though Tory did not know her paternal grandfather well, she still believed she lived a blessed life because whenever he was around he only talked about The Art of War and the best way to achieve new companies. All in all, time spent with him was rather boring, so the less time she had to, the better.

She would much rather spend her time watching the piggies and being thankful for where she lives. She knows that anyone lucky enough to care for a guinea pig is truly blessed.

The End

skauble
22nd October 2007, 07:02
Sorry for the delay in updating but my lazy nature knows no mercy.

*Loved* the glimpse into the future of the Chlex family.




Cavia Wikitoria Luthor, better known as Tory, lives a blessed life. Most would say this is because she is the oldest child of Lex and Chloe Luthor. Some would say it is because she has never known the horror of having Lana Lang in her life. But only a privileged few know the truth is due to where she lives.


ROTFLMAO Trust me, Tory; no matter how much I love skinny piggies, even I can admit that most of the blessedness in your life comes from the lack of Lana.



Lex still refused to give away even one of the pigs on the off chance that some sneaky prospective owner actually cooked traditional Peruvian cuisine.


Didn’t Chloe warn him about scrolling to the bottom of the page??




A separate area is set up for the skinnies. This fifty acre pig pen is surrounded in special glass so that the sun is not harmful and is cooled to the perfect temperature so they do not overheat.


I love that there’s a special place for the skinnies so their delicate little piggy skin is protected. :)




Every day, the guineas and skinnies have a chance to mingle and for those lucky few who choose to cross the lines of furriness and baldness, there is another fifty acre piece of land for the mixed families to prosper.


Those brave piggies who let no taboos oppress them!




The Olympic sized, one foot deep swimming pool is supervised daily by a team of Navy SEALs to prevent drowning.

:rofl:

That is actually *so* easy to see given this version of Lex.




Of course the patriarch and matriarch of the family, Stu and Nosy, live in the Luthor mansion year round. Their home is located on the third floor in the room next to Lex and Chloe. Ben, having become Tory’s favorite piggy lives with his family in Tory’s room. Mandy’s family currently resides in Lex and Chloe’s son’s room.


Glad to see the Littlefeet are kept close.




Though Lex was eager to increase his family as soon as Chloe was physically able, Chloe insisted on waiting at least two years. When their son was born, Chloe wanted to call him Charles with the idea being that he would be nicknamed Chip, but Lex absolutely refused. They settled on naming him Andrew.


Of course Lex refused. Having to fill shoes the likes of those worn by the undeniably great Chip Luthor would scar any child for life!




Sadly the piggies would not live forever and Lex didn’t want them to because hanging on past one’s prime would just seem pathetic. However, he did want them to age naturally if that natural aging could be prolonged. He calculated that with a healthy diet and the special vitamins that his scientists had formulated, the piggies could live a longer, fuller life. It would be difficult when he finally had to say goodbye to his small pals, but with any luck, he, Chloe, Stu and Nosy could all go at the same time.


Good for Lex! See, this is where all of his potentially evil genius should be directed – preserving precious piggies.




After Nosy’s fifth litter, Lex and Chloe made the decision to give Stu a vasectomy and Nosy tubal ligation, so that they could spend the rest of their lives without being separated and risking a traumatic pregnancy. This option was better than neutering and spaying because they did not have the heart to decrease their tiny friends’ sexual appetites.


This was sweet to know, but I’m hoping that there won’t be any Stu/Nosy, dim lighting, Barry White music scenes any time soon. ;)




When she was three, she was allowed to carefully hold the pigs with her parents constantly watching. Being a child, she of course had some difficulties in knowing how to properly hold them, but her parents were always patient and understanding. They never yelled or punished her, just showed her the methods again and praised her whenever she did something right. And the piggies always forgave her if she dropped them because it would only be a few inches and pillows were wisely placed underneath any space that she was doing the holding.


I was glad to see how patient Chloe and Lex were (although anyone who teaches their piggy poker probably has a high level of tolerance). And also, good for them for using them pillow to prevent situations that would result in scoldings.




Now at age ten, she was responsible for making sure all the piggies on the property were happy and healthy. When her Grandpa Gabe visited, would tell him all about which piggies were born, which ones were married, had babies, and learned new tricks. He dutifully and excitedly listened as she regaled with the tale of how she trained Cuy to master Free Cell and was now working on Spider Solitaire.


See! They’re geniuses. That doctor just didn’t understand their brilliance (is it just me or has Lana ruined that word?).

And good for Gabe for being such a good grandpa. There’s a reason he’s allowed over whenever he wants.




She had asked her father is he could play poker with Stu, Ben and the other boys, but her dad had warned her that Cuy didn’t know how to bluff yet and still shook his butt any time he had a good hand. He would need more training before he could handle playing with the big boys.


LMAO That’s actually my poker tell, too.




He did not listen as both Lex and Chloe protested when he picked up the pig and placed it in Stu and Nosy’s cage. Immediately the dark furred pig scurried over to Nosy. He swayed side to side and made a rumbling sound.


Uh oh. This pig must be The Nudge version. lol




After Lionel had placed Leon back in his travel cage, he looked over Lex who was giving him his trademark smirk. Lionel grumbled and left the mansion without a word but everyone knew that Stu and Nosy’s victory was also a victory for Lex over Lionel. From that moment on, Lionel only spoke to his son at work and dutifully asked about Chloe, Tory and Drew, but not about the pigs. Never about the pigs.


Lionel’s just a sore loser!




Even though Tory did not know her paternal grandfather well, she still believed she lived a blessed life because whenever he was around he only talked about The Art of War and the best way to achieve new companies. All in all, time spent with him was rather boring, so the less time she had to, the better.


I do have to point out here that she just thinks spending time with Lionel is bad because she never had to spend any with Lana. lol


Lovely story, www! I’m always so glad to see more of the Wikiverse.

~Sarah~

hfce
23rd October 2007, 01:28
Oh my goodness how did I miss this. That was great!!! :rofl: