BlueSabby
25th April 2007, 17:44
A/N: Blue: Here's our new one. It's short for our standards. It's got humor and lovin' though, so no complianing. Enjoy
A/N: Sabby: Many of you wanted drunken shenanigans, so here you go. And don't worry, the others will be posted too, all in good time...and probably with more polls.
The band was awful, the decorations were tacky, the food was uninspired and bland, the guests were a mixture of hicks and small town ‘high society’, and there was not enough cheap champagne to make Lex forget any of the above mentioned facts.
In short, it was the most horrible wedding reception he’d ever been to, and that included the ones he’d thrown himself.
He leaned slightly towards his right and whispered into his table neighbor’s ear.
“You know, I saw this coming when she said ‘I don’t know if I can ever trust him *sigh* but I can’t help but love him so much’.” He was shocked to find he did a reasonable imitation of the bride’s voice.
The bride in question was at the moment getting her feet trampled on by her groom, trying to pull off a classic slow waltz. The easiest of all dancing steps and the guy still managed to fuck it up. It was pathetic, really. What was so hard about right foot forward, left foot forward and to the side, and bring right foot close? Lex had learned that when he was nine.
“Listen,” she responded to the voice in her ear, “would you forget about them? We’re playing a game here unless you’d already like to forfeit.”
They’d both come to the reception because it was expected of them. Not because they really wanted to be here. So, they’d made their own fun. At least it was supposed to be fun. It had degenerated into a drinking game.
How hard was it to find someone who wanted to fuck you at a wedding? Weren’t weddings famous for being a veritable meat market? Figured that Clark and Lana’s guests wouldn’t be any fun at all.
Both she and Lex had already hit on a few people and yet they were both still sitting with each other instead of fumbling with an almost complete stranger in a closet.
However, Chloe thought the dress she was in was to blame. She had agreed, for some reason, to be a bridesmaid. It was, of course, pink. But it covered her from her elbows down to her ankles. It was cut highly at the throat so her tits, one of her best physical attributes, weren’t on display. Plus, there was a garden of ugly, satiny, pink flowers dotting her chest. There was a bow on her ass so no one could look at that, either. She had no idea what Lex’s problem was. He clearly wasn’t trying hard enough.
“This isn’t fair,” she lamented. “Lana promised me sex.” Yes, the girl had blushed as she said it but she’d assured Chloe that there were plenty of eligible men that would be at the reception. “But look, there’s not so much as a tongue in sight.”
Lex turned his head to look at her with a disbelieving stare. “You were promised sex?” He couldn’t believe Lana could actually make such a promise. A chuckle bubbled up and he didn’t bother to hide it before he finally remarked, “I only got the promise of free parking. That’s unfair.”
He turned his gaze back to the crowd, sweeping it with a glance. “And it’s your turn anyway,” he commented on her first statement.
There weren’t many people who looked even remotely interesting, so it wasn’t a wonder both of them had turned down the first couple of victims they’d picked out for the other.
A guy on the edge of the dance floor caught Lex’s attention. Cheap suit, but not as cheap as the hicks’ attire. And he had a camera hanging around his neck, taking occasional snapshots of the party guests.
“That one.” He pointed at the boy with the hand that held his champagne glass and leaned back. “He’s probably a virgin, but he looks like he’d be willing to do everything if you tell him to.”
Chloe sighed. That’s not what she was looking for tonight. She wanted wild monkey sex to end her dry spell. But beggars couldn’t be choosers.
“Fine,” she said, downing the last of her champagne. “I’m going in.” Whoever got lucky first got…she couldn’t even remember what the prize was. Apart from the actual sex, of course.
Chloe walked over and started talking to the dude with the camera. Henry. But she only stayed there for a few minutes. She understood why he was alone.
Lex looked surprised that she was back so soon. “Halitosis. No thank you.” She sat down next to him and scanned the crowd for a female that he could go and hit on.
“Oh, bingo.” She tapped on his shoulder. “Four o’clock. Redhead. Wearing the off the shoulder number. Go!”
Lex’s brows arched as he looked at the woman in question. Had to be part of the small town ‘high society’. He shrugged and got up from the table, taking his champagne with him.
He approached her and complimented her on her dress, gave her a charming smile, nodded when she answered and managed to be witty as he realized that this one was a no go when she waved her left hand in front of her mouth as she laughed.
Returning to the table, Lex finished off his glass on the way and snagged two more from a waiter that was whisking by.
Chloe gaped at him as he sat down next to her again and moved one of the glasses closer to her. “Married. And I’m just not that kind of guy.”
He scanned the crowd again, looking for a suitable victim, someone not too old, not too young and hopefully without a serious case of bad breath.
“At the buffet, the blonde guy. Just ignore the cowboy boots.”
She titled her head to the side. He wasn’t that bad, actually. She got up, glass in hand, and did her best sauntering she could pull off in the dress.
Again, after only a few minutes she knew why he was alone. She’d given him a few well placed words and practically stomped back over to Lex.
“Grabbed my ass.” Lex looked over towards the bar but the guy had disappeared. “I mean, yeah, I wanted him to do that later. But, really, so rude.”
This was turning out even worse than she’d imagined. She rubbed her hands together as she looked over the room. One of them was going to get some sex out of this night. If it killed her.
“No. No. Ugh, double no. Mrs. Kent. Nell. No. Oh, hey.” It was a woman about her age. Fresh faced and laughing at something that Clark was saying. “Ok, the girl with Clark. If she’s laughing at something he’s saying you know that she’ll be nice.”
Lex followed her gaze and had to agree that she had to be nice. Either that, or she was still laughing because Clark had said something so ridiculously stupid that she couldn’t stop laughing or might have to start crying.
At that moment, Lana sidled up to her freshly baked husband and pulled him away, a little too forcefully for it to be anything other than a jealous scene. Lex snorted and got up from the table, making his way over to the woman Chloe had indicated.
He put on his most charming smile and inquired what was so amusing about his friend. She told him that she found it hilarious how Clark had commented that he thought it was ‘nice’ how close she and her friend were. Lex arched a brow in question and the young woman explained. They talked for another two minutes before she went off to look for her friend and Lex went back to the table shaking his head.
“Gay.” He sat down and picked up his glass again, swirling the liquid inside it and noting the decided lack of sparkling. “Maybe you should hit on her?” The woman, Maple, had told him she was here with her girlfriend, but it was good enough for a joke.
Chloe wasn’t above trying something new if she had enough alcohol. Friction was friction. Besides, that meant that the woman might actually know what to do with a clitoris. “She is kinda cute,” she remarked as her eyes followed the girl.
“And I am desperate.” The girl had a nice figure and shiny hair. “But you wouldn’t get to watch, you know,” she commented.
Lex laughed and shook his head, not surprised that Chloe ran with the idea. She’d had her share of champagne after all. “It’s not really that interesting, watching two girls getting it on.”
It got interesting once you were allowed to join them and play. Ah, those had been the good old days. But he doubted there was anyone on this party that wouldn’t gasp in indignation at the idea of a threesome.
“What do I get if I make out with her?” This was the only thing staving off boredom and depression. Talking to Lex. If he offered her a Porsche the game was totally on. But she doubted he would, based on what he’d just said.
“The tongue you’ve been promised,” he countered.
See, nothing all that good. “Blech, not worth it.” She looked around at their paltry pickings. How had this happened?
“Pete even brought a date,” she pointed out. He had been her fallback position. If she couldn’t find anyone else. “I thought that was money in the bank.”
Lex looked at her, not believing what he was hearing. Pete Ross? “Pete?” He shook his head sadly. “You really are desperate.”
Pete Ross hadn’t grown after high school, rather he hadn’t changed at all since then and was still the same unassuming, five foot five guy he’d always been. There was nothing remotely interesting about Peter Ross that made him a potentially worthwhile fuck.
Fingers digging into his forearm brought his gaze down to see that Chloe was gripping him tightly. “A woman has needs, Lex,” she whined.
Lex looked again at Pete Ross, then at her and patted the hand on his arm consolingly. “I don’t mean to spoil it for you, but what they say about black guys’ dicks? Statistics speak different.”
When Lex was bored, he liked looking up all kinds of weird things on the internet. And yes, penis statistics had been among them. He’d grinned as he got solid proof he was above average. Anyway, he was trying to tell Chloe something for her own good. Right.
“So you’d probably be better off taking care of those needs yourself.”
“Been there, done that, it’s not the same.” She huffed out a sigh. This was supposed to be a fun night. Not one spent with Lex drinking at the sad sack table.
“It’s different when you’re all sweaty with someone.” Chloe knew her voice had a far off quality. It was well earned. She was thinking of the last time she’d had some really good sex with another person. It had been far too long.
Which was why she was more determined than Lex. He still took care of his ‘urges’ when he needed to with some woman in Metropolis. She’d never gotten up the courage to ask if she was a pro or just a fuck buddy.
Lex chuckled at Chloe’s predicament, guessing that she had to be pretty hard up if she was taking this so seriously. “I’m amused, if a bit surprised, that you really believed Lana’s promise of sex.”
This was a Kent wedding reception. Of course there wouldn’t really be anything worth hunting. Lex was just indulging in their little game to fight off the boredom that would probably last for another few hours, unless he made his excuses and got the hell out.
He looked over at Chloe and could see that she was pouting now, nursing her champagne and glaring at all the couples on the dance floor. She’d honestly been looking for a suitable fuck.
“Well, if you really want to get laid, the best you can do is get out of this dress first,” he offered with a sideways glance at the atrocity that Lana had made her bridesmaids wear.
“Because as long as you’re wearing that?” He shook his head sadly. No one would pick her up while she was wearing something that could hide Texas underneath all those bows and flowers.
“This so isn’t fair.” She knew she sounded like a put off three year old but she didn’t care. She kicked her dreadful shoes off under the table. “You guys get to look all dashing and sexy,” she waved her hand in his general direction. “And I get to look like Pepto.”
She felt Lex’s hand on her shoulder. He sighed dramatically, “I wish I could argue that point.”
Moving her shoulder around in order to dislodge his paw, she looked down at the dress. Having Lex tell her it was hideous had made her mood all the more worse. “What if I cut it up to here?” She indicated a few inches above her knees. “Would that help?”
At least she could show off her legs that way.
Lex considered her dress, looked down at where she was indicating, imagining what she would look like in a decent dress with that much leg showing, but then brought himself back to reality and the monstrosity she was actually wearing.
“You’d look like the cheap, generic version of pepto.”
Chloe huffed and flopped back in her chair looking even more put off than before. “Kay,” she said with a pout. “So, you’re saying I have to parade around in my underwear?”
Lex wondered just what kind of underwear she was wearing and then decided it didn’t matter, really. He took a sip from his champagne and imagined Chloe quasi streaking through the crowd. “It would get the crowd’s attention.” He smirked.
Lex was being totally unhelpful. She knew that he was getting a kick out of her problem. But that’s because he could get sex anytime, anywhere and with whomever he wanted. Save for this place, of course. It wasn’t as easy for her. At least it hadn’t been as of late.
“You can’t even see my cleavage.” Chloe knew how to play to her strengths. “I’ve got amazing tits.”
“Yepp,” Lex agreed. “Unfortunately, they're covered in big pink flowers at the moment.” His eyes were resting on the aforementioned monstrosities that adorned her chest.
Her eyes followed his. “Sorry guys, you probably can’t breathe in there, can you?” She worked two fingers under her collar and used her other hand to fan some air down the gap.
Lex chuckled as he watched the display. “It’s your fault for agreeing to be a bridesmaid.” He’d pointed this out numerous times tonight.
“Just saying.” Seeing that Chloe was beginning to get more huffy than pouty, Lex decided to continue their game before she got seriously angry. Now that he knew this wasn’t just a game, and she was trying to really find someone, he scanned the crowd more carefully. “Okay, let’s see.”
There was a guy standing by himself near the band podium, tapping his feet in time with the music and looking around aimlessly. He was a bit older than the ones he’d picked for Chloe before, but not too old. Maybe in his late thirties, early forties. Reasonable suit, well groomed and seemed a likely candidate for a bit of fun without attachments.
“That one. Go try your luck.”
Chloe looked over at Lex’s suggestion. He was about 15 years older than her and she wouldn’t have considered him earlier in the evening but her veins were pumped full of liquid courage so she got to her feet. She decided to leave her shoes under the table.
When she came back to Lex, she wondered what her face looked like. Chloe was shocked. And that didn’t happen often.
He was looking at her carefully. “Good choice. Nice guy. Looking for a third to join him and his wife.” She watched Lex’s eyes widen. “He knows Mr. Kent from the fucking rotary club!”
Chloe drank some much needed champagne. That one was going to stick with her for awhile. Lex started to laugh.
Even though she was annoyed with him, she was still looking for a woman for him being it was his turn. So, she was delighted when she saw a tall blonde looking their way. She was totally checking Lex out.
“You’ve got a bite. Standing about three feet away from the horn section.” The woman was still looking at Lex. Chloe sighed. It was just her luck that he was going to get some and she wasn’t. “If I can’t have sex in the closet tonight, you totally have to.”
Lex looked at the woman she was indicating. Tall, leggy blonde. Very leggy. “Now that’s a dress,” he commented as he appreciated the obviously expensive designer gown that flattered all the curves and valleys perfectly. “Excuse me.”
He put his glass aside and went to go talk to the beauty that was so completely out of place at this shindig.
Five minutes later, he returned, still completely shocked. He was aware of course that something like this wasn’t uncommon. Some of his former friends had dabbled with it. But they’d never looked so fucking convincing. And well, he usually noticed. It worried him that he hadn’t until four minutes into their conversation.
Lex looked a little paler than usual and sat down on his seat like an automaton, grabbing his glass and downing it in one gulp. Chloe couldn’t contain her curiosity any longer.
“What happened?”
Lex turned his gaze on her and swallowed again, slowly getting over the surprise.
“You’ll never guess what she hides under that dress.” For emphasis, he looked pointedly at his own lap.
Chloe tried not to gape as she looked over at the woman. She got caught but the woman didn’t seem to mind. She only laughed and raised her glass to Chloe. Not wanting to be rude, Chloe picked up her own glass, made a toasting gesture and then gulped down the liquid.
Her eyes ran over the woman. “He looks better than I do.” And she didn’t mean just tonight. She meant in general. She was in much better shape, dressed better. God, life really was unfair.
“He does not look better than you.” Lex almost sounded like he was saying the words more out of habit than real feeling. Chloe usually pointed out all of the women who were more attractive than her. Well, she’d started doing that when the sex had dried up.
“Chloe,” she knew that tone required her to look at Lex. “He just wears more make up and Dolce.” She didn’t care. She was being unreasonable and didn’t want Lex using logic.
She downed Lex’s glass of champagne and was starting to feel tingly. Finally.
“I give this place 20 more minutes. If nothing happens...” Which it wouldn’t. “I’m going home to Lyle.”
Lex watched as she downed a champagne glass that someone else had left on the table. She’d really had more than her share and maybe he should stop her. But it was such fun to watch her when she was drunk.
Her last comment made him curious though. He’d also never heard of this Lyle before. “If you’ve got a guy at home waiting, why are you looking for sex here?” Maybe he’d gotten something wrong.
A waiter appeared and Chloe snagged two more glasses from his tray, handing one over to him as she drank from hers. “The manufacturer named it,” she slurred slightly, “was on the box.”
Lex almost spit the champagne back into his glass as the pieces came together. “You’ve got a dildo named Lyle?” He could scarcely hold back his chuckling. “That’s kind of sad.” Pathetic, really, but he didn’t want to say that.
What was there to say when your attractive female friend told you she planned to go home to get off with her vibrator?
“Well,” he drawled and contemplated his glass, “at least Lyle won’t complain about the dress.”
“S’true,” she said, picking up another glass. But Lyle wasn’t nearly as fun as a real guy. “But he doesn’t touch me. And I can’t feel his muscles working while we fuck and he doesn’t make nice sounds.” She listed some of the things that she missed now that she wasn’t active with the opposite sex in making of the sex.
Another assy comment from Lex. “What? That buzzing doesn’t get you all hot and bothered?”
She glared at him before putting her head down on the table. She was getting to that tired point. “Nope, I prefer the grunting, groaning, moaning and cursing.”
Chloe moved some hair out of her face so she could look up at Lex. “Don’t you prefer a small hand to your left one?”
Lex looked at her, trying to ignore that she was using her small hand to imitate the movement of jerking off. She’d narrowly missed a stain of incredibly chalky pasta sauce when her head officially met the table.
That was his cue.
“You look like you’ve had enough.” He rounded up the glasses in her immediate reach that still had champagne in them and put them further away.
Chloe really was a lightweight when it came to alcohol. He’d had about five flutes but it hadn’t affected him in the least. Probably because he’d had that pasta and it was now working as some sort of glue that kept the alcohol captive in his stomach and didn’t let it move on to the bloodstream. At least it felt like there was something sticky and heavy in his stomach ever since he’d eaten.
“I just need to regroup,” she protested, but her head still wasn’t making it up from the surface of the table. “Waiter!”
Lex cringed as she yelled and waved her arm in the air.
“I need cake!”
What she really needed was to get out of here before she made a fool of herself.
“Did you get here by car?” he asked as he tried Chloe to right herself up in her chair.
She shook her head. “Kents took me.” And her head was back on the table.
As Lex looked around, trying to find the elder Kents in the crowd, he heard Chloe mutter, “Not going home alone, too depressive.”
She had a point there, he had to admit. There was no one waiting for him at home either and it was a rather boring day of the week. No must see TV that he really wanted to see.
He finally spotted the couple he was looking for in a corner behind the band podium, making out like a couple of rampant teenagers. “Looks like the Kents are not going to be driving you home.” He pointed in their direction so Chloe could see what he was talking about.
Slowly, Chloe picked up her head and looked at what Lex was pointing at. “Are you kidding me?” Mr. and Mrs. Kent were getting pretty hot and heavy for being old and being in public. “Old people are getting play and I’m sitting here alone!” Then she remembered Lex. “Sorry, you know what I mean.” He didn’t count. Like she didn’t count with him.
“Come on, let’s get your cake and I’ll drive you home.” He didn’t want Chloe to get to that loud phase that she sometimes did. There was no reason for other people to hear their conversation. Especially because of the topic.
She looked up at him, rather pathetically. He almost dreaded her next words.
“Lex, do you think I'm a loser that no man will ever want because I talk back and am rude?” It was something she thought a lot about. You were supposed to be yourself but what if yourself was unattractive and no one would ever marry you because of it?
Chloe saw his expression soften just the slightest before he began smirking again. “Nope, I think you're a woman who's unfortunate enough to look for a lay on a Kent party while wearing a Pepto Bismol dress.”
“It's all about the circumstances, really.” He was glad that he didn’t have to lie to her at this point. Chloe was attractive, she just wasn’t attractive right now.
“I didn't mean now...” She put her head back down on the table. “I mean ever. No one loves me, gonna eat some worms today.”
“What do worms have to do with your current predicament?” Lex looked befuddled by her turn of phrase.
Chloe closed her eyes. “It’s a kid’s song.” She cleared her throat. “Nobody loves me, everybody hates me, I’m gonna eat some worms today.” She sang the song softly.
She tilted her head up and took stock of the people she knew. “Lana's all married, Clark's all married, Pete has a woman, my dad is dating someone and Lois has a man. And I, I have Lyle. And I’m whining. Which makes me even more of a loser.”
Lex frowned as he watched her spiral down into self-pity, complete with a sad children’s song about eating worms that he could have lived without ever hearing. This was really bad. He wondered how long it had been since she’d gotten laid for it to be this bad. It had to have been more than a month or two.
It was time to take some interceptive action and stop this before she could start crying. Women started crying at the weirdest moments when they were drunk.
“You are not a loser,” he said firmly as he hooked his hand under her arm and hauled her up from the table.
She wobbled precariously on her feet, even though she wasn’t wearing her shoes anymore, and Lex shifted his arm to hold her steady around her waist.
“It not like your some old spinster, or still a virgin, or anything,” he continued as he looked under the table.
The shoes obviously came with the dress, because they were pink frilly high heels with bows on them that Chloe would never wear under any other circumstances. Lex decided she could live without the shoes.
“Come on, let’s get you home and out of the pepto taffeta and flowers.”
Her arms slung around him and she stopped his movement, looking up at him with big sad, totally drunk off her ass eyes. “And now you feel sorry for me, too.”
Uh oh.
Lex coaxed her into walking away from the table and along the dance floor towards the exit of the room.
“My friend could have scored, but instead he had to stay with me so I don’t vomit in my own hair.”
This time, Lex stopped and turned to hold her upright by both arms, looking at her sternly.
“There will be no vomiting in my car.” He put just enough finality into his tone that it should scare her innards into obliging and distract her from her dangerously sad thoughts.
“And I don’t pity you,” he added.
“Are we really going?” She knew she didn’t have to ask. Lex was half dragging her out of the place. “Yes, Chloe,” he said, slowly, as if explaining something to a child. “We’re really going.”
“OK,” she pouted. She saw Clark and Lana talking in a corner. “Lemme go say goodbye to the happy couple.” It was only polite.
Lex knew this was going to be bad but a sick part of him wanted to see it. “Okay.” He kept his arm around her as they walked over to the newlyweds.
Once they were in earshot, he said, “Clark, Lana...we're going.” He turned to Chloe, waiting for the show to begin.
“Oh, Ok.” Lana looked at her friends. Poor them, leaving alone. Well, with each other but not with each other. “Don’t worry, Chloe, it’ll happen for you too someday.”
Chloe couldn’t take the earnest tone of voice. “Whatever, I got there first.” She waved her hand in Clark’s direction.
Lex had to stifle his laughter at the look on the newest Kent’s face. Her face pinched up and she sharply looked over at Clark.
“Have a great night. And all the best.” They would get while the getting was good.
As they were walking out, Lex spied the table with the cake on it. They’d already cut it. “You still want some cake?”
Chloe nodded. “Lots of it. It’d better be good.” She watched as Lex cut a piece out of it. “Get me two.”
“This one is at least three.” He looked over at her. She was practically salivating at the cake. “And there will also be no eating in my car. And if you call me a spoilsport you get to walk home and I won't help you out of the dress.”
Chloe was getting her pout on again, but Lex was relentless on that point. It was a new car after all and getting stains out of leather was not as simple as some people would imagine.
“Just think of all the hundreds of little hooks and eyes that Lana insisted on because they look ‘so much more classy’ than a zipper.”
A girl that couldn’t even form the proper comparative for classy which was not even considered a real adverb in higher circles insisted on a closing device for dresses that had gone out with the century before last.
Lex had laughed heartily and promptly gotten an elbow to the ribs when Chloe had told him about that.
The pout disappeared and turned into a dark look, followed by a snapped. “Fine.” A short pause. “Just promise me you’ll use scissors.”
He looked at the dress again as he led her out of the room and towards the parking lot, balancing the cake on the hand that wasn’t needed to balance Chloe. If he wasn’t a billionaire already, he could probably have made his first million as a waiter.
“I’ll use the big ones,” he promised, “see how many slices we can get out of this.”
Chloe nodded in agreement and grinned. “Make a party out of it, use ‘em as streamers.”
Lex chuckled and shook his head at the idea. “Do you really want pink streamers in your apartment?”
He’d managed to get them to his car and propped Chloe up against the passenger side, placing the cake on top of the hood for the moment. Looking at the open plate, he just knew this was going to get tricky.
Chloe turned around and pawed at the handle for the door. Lex quickly used the little remote in his pocket to unlock the car.
“Just for tonight,” she said, “it’ll be festive.”
~~
“Where’d you put the key?”
Lex was looking at her and suspected he already knew the answer. Chloe didn’t have her purse and he doubted the dress had pockets.
“Oh. They’re in my bag. And the bag is back there.” She waved her hand behind her. “But don’t worry.” She held up her finger and pointed it at him. “I can break in.”
He rolled his eyes at her and leaned against the doorframe with the cake in his hands. “Go for it.”
Chloe nodded and then went to one of the windows. She always kept it unlocked. After about a minute, she was able to work it up enough so she could slide through it.
As she was halfway in she heard Lex remark, “Lana must subliminally hate you.”
He was looking at the big poofy bow on her ass. Not attractive.
She was proud of herself when she made it through and didn’t even fall. Not even once. She opened the door to Lex.
“Good girl.” Chloe ignored his condescending tone. Instead, she pumped her fist in the air and proclaimed, “I rule!”
Lex walked through the doorway and she let him put the pieces of cake on the table before she spoke again. “Now, come on and help me get out of this thing.” Chloe lived alone so Lex was her only hope of getting out of the thing. She’d imagined that someone else would have been doing it. “You’re it, buddy.”
He shook his head and went straight for the kitchen.
“Now, if only she didn’t constantly forget half the things she rules over,” he commented to himself as he started looking for a pair of kitchen scissors.
She hadn’t even noticed her lack of shoes yet, it seemed.
He heard the stereo come on in the living room and a moment later, Chloe yelled over the din of the music.
“They had such bad music!”
He found the scissors in the drawer next to the sink and returned to the living room.
“The bad music wasn’t the worst. Did you try the chicken?” Lex had given that a go before he’d decided on braving the pasta.
Chloe ignored him in favor of twirling around in her dress. “If I could have busted a move I would have totally gotten a man.” She sounded completely convinced of that fact.
Lex preferred hearing that over her self-pity monologue from earlier. He was glad she seemed to have gotten over the whining and into a better mood.
He looked at the dress and shook his head. “No one can bust a move in a dress without slit.”
This monstrosity really had not a single positive thing going for it. He wondered what kind of tailor could have created this without weeping in agony. Or getting thrown out of the guild for unnecessary cruelty to fabrics and humankind.
Lex snipped the scissors in the air and looked calculatingly for the best spot to start. But to be fair, he’d give Chloe a last chance to change her mind.
“So, easy or hard way?”
“Whatever you want.” Chloe was shaking her tail feather so she didn’t care about anything else. This fucking night was over and she was getting out of the damn dress. All was right in the world.
Lex ignored the frenetic dancing and concentrated on the dress. It had what appeared to be a thousand hooks on the back of it.
Chloe ‘danced’ over to him. “You always struck me as the easy type,” he drawled.
“I know! What is wrong with the other guys, can't they see that?” She’d talked to almost every male there and had nothing to show for it.
“It’s pretty hard to look past the attitude.” He’d thought he had said it low enough but Chloe was looking at him crossly so she’d obviously heard it. “The dress. I meant it’s hard to look past the dress.”
Lex grabbed at her shoulder, it took him three tries before she didn’t dance away from him, and turned her around. “Ok, let’s see about getting you freed.”
She watched as Lex got down on one knee and took the hem of the dress in his hand. He started to cut, running the scissors all the way up to the waistline. “I can’t decide which part is the worst,” he said as he worked.
“The bows or the flowers.” Chloe had to agree. It was a hideous tie.
Lex shook his head and looked for a good place to set the scissors to cut off the top part. He didn’t want to risk any of the tiny hooks flying off and landing in the carpet, only to be stepped on later.
“It’s like she made sure to cover every single sexy part of you with something so ridiculous that no one would even guess you’re a real girl.”
Lana really had to have an inferiority complex that knew no equal. There were enough pretty bridesmaid dresses out there to prove that they didn’t have to be ugly by tradition or anything.
Chloe giggled and moved, making Lex glad he hadn’t yet put the scissors to her body. “She’s jealous of my ass and legs and knockers, obviously.”
“Obviously.”
He finally found a place a little to the left of the back seam to place the scissors. His gaze slid a bit lower and he noticed he was face to face with Chloe’s butt. She wore a lacy, white boy-cut slip that barely covered the luscious mounds. “Nice panties, by the way.”
The scissors closed and he snipped a slow path up her back, careful not to cut into her skin on the way up to the stupid high collar.
He felt Chloe pulling up the dress in the front to look at her panties. Lex chuckled as he realized she must have forgotten which ones she was wearing. “Ah,” was her sound of realization before she twisted her head around to look at him. “Yeah, in case I got lucky, you know?”
“Though,” she said as she considered her current position, “how many women get to be undressed by Mr. Lex…wait, probably a lot. Forget it.” Lex got around. He was a big manwhore so the number probably had three digits.
“Well, you're the first I've undressed with scissors if that's any consolation.” He was again glad that mopey Chloe was gone. He preferred this one much more.
Chloe laughed a little. “That’ll do.” She patted Lex on the head and she knew the only reason her hand wasn’t batted away was because he had scissors in them.
“You're the first I thought about undressing, too.” Thankfully Lex’s methodical work was paying off. She could feel the constricting material letting up on her body. “What about up here?” He hadn’t totally cut her collar yet.
Lex stood up and tilted her head forward then sliced through the last two inches of pink fabric. The dress was now gaping wide open in the back, her panties and bra strap the only bits of material covering her.
He licked his lips at the rather erotic sight, but shook it off. No reason to get excited about it.
“You’re all sliced free in the back, just need to wiggle out of the sleeves.”
Which would be enough of a feat for her, considering the sleeves were also in the style of the century before last. Puffy at the shoulders and ridiculously tight down the length of her arms.
“How did you ever get into this thing in the first place?”
Lex imagined a procedure involving the use of some kind of tube for the arms and maybe a crocheting needle for all the hooks and eyes. One thing was clear: on her own, Chloe would have been doomed.
“With help,” Chloe replied as she started wiggling and dancing around, stepping on the loose hanging hem of her dress to get out of the constricting sleeves.
When the dress finally fell to the floor, Chloe jumped on it and started to dance around, waving her arms emphatically in the air.
“Free at last! Free at last! Thank God almighty, I’m free at last!”
Lex laughed and put the scissors aside, watching her dance and kick the dress.
“I don’t think Martin meant it quite that way, but whatever works,” he said as he walked over to the couch.
He took off his jacket and threw it over the back of the couch, then sank into the cushions with a comfortable groan. This was much better than those damn high backed chairs they’d had at the reception.
Chloe was still dancing around in her underwear as she answered, “Yea, but he never had to wear a dress.”
Lex snorted and just watched her for a moment, wiggling and shimmying around to the music from the stereo. She really looked good in lace. All soft curves packaged nicely in nothing but sexy lingerie.
“It’s a shame you didn’t wear that to the wedding. Sans the ugly dress.”
The song changed from an upbeat one to a slow one that Chloe was sure was popular with strippers. Now instead of bopping around, she undulated to the beat. Where was a pole when you needed one? And, being that she was only in her underwear, she probably looked like a stripper, too.
“I know, I have a good body.” She ran her hands down her sides. “Look at these abs.” She patted her stomach as she danced closer to Lex.
He shifted around a little on the couch, trying to get comfortable. Had nothing to do with the free show in front of him. Lex scrutinized her stomach. He didn’t see a set of well defined abs. Just what looked like soft skin dotted with a few birthmarks and a cute belly button. “Ok. You want to add some layers to the abs?”
For all of the talking she’d done about the cake, Chloe had probably forgotten about it already.
“Layers?” She left her hand on her stomach as she turned around, dancing, her back now to Lex. “Like another six pack on the six pack for a twelve pack?” Was he suggesting she have more to drink?
When she turned back around he said, “I was actually talking about the cake.”
Chloe laughed at her own silliness. “Right, I’m sorry. Still a little dizzy. No, ditzy. Maybe both.” She looked down at the pieces of cake. She scooped up some icing and ran it over her stomach. “Is that what you meant?” The giggles were coming.
She half smiled at Lex as she cleaned off her fingers one by one in her mouth.
Lex tried to stifle his own laughter as he watched her noisily slurping on her fingers. He turned his eyes onto her chocolate smeared belly and shook his head with a mock frown as he clucked his tongue. “Now look what you did.”
He reached out with his left and swiped his fingers through the mess on her stomach. Bringing them to his mouth he licked them clean with a lot less show than Chloe had.
He made a surprised noise in the back of his throat as he tasted the rich chocolate flavor.
“The cake’s actually not bad.”
On an impulse, he pulled her closer by the hips and licked in a broad swipe across the smeared icing. “Really not bad.”
He grinned as she squirmed between his hands, trying to wriggle away. For the hell of it, he tightened his hold and continued licking at her belly.
“Stop it!” Chloe squealed and fought a little harder against his hold. “That’s cruel teasing me.”
Lex lapped the last swipe of chocolate away, then pulled back and licked his lips exaggeratedly. “You brought it on yourself.”
He leaned back in his seat and looked challengingly up at Chloe, waiting what she’d do with that remark.
“Fine,” she huffed and brushed some hair out of her face, staring him down with a wicked smile. “Then two can play that game. I’ll…” She paused for a moment, thinking about it. “I’ll entice you till you’re begging for it.”
A/N: Sabby: Many of you wanted drunken shenanigans, so here you go. And don't worry, the others will be posted too, all in good time...and probably with more polls.
The band was awful, the decorations were tacky, the food was uninspired and bland, the guests were a mixture of hicks and small town ‘high society’, and there was not enough cheap champagne to make Lex forget any of the above mentioned facts.
In short, it was the most horrible wedding reception he’d ever been to, and that included the ones he’d thrown himself.
He leaned slightly towards his right and whispered into his table neighbor’s ear.
“You know, I saw this coming when she said ‘I don’t know if I can ever trust him *sigh* but I can’t help but love him so much’.” He was shocked to find he did a reasonable imitation of the bride’s voice.
The bride in question was at the moment getting her feet trampled on by her groom, trying to pull off a classic slow waltz. The easiest of all dancing steps and the guy still managed to fuck it up. It was pathetic, really. What was so hard about right foot forward, left foot forward and to the side, and bring right foot close? Lex had learned that when he was nine.
“Listen,” she responded to the voice in her ear, “would you forget about them? We’re playing a game here unless you’d already like to forfeit.”
They’d both come to the reception because it was expected of them. Not because they really wanted to be here. So, they’d made their own fun. At least it was supposed to be fun. It had degenerated into a drinking game.
How hard was it to find someone who wanted to fuck you at a wedding? Weren’t weddings famous for being a veritable meat market? Figured that Clark and Lana’s guests wouldn’t be any fun at all.
Both she and Lex had already hit on a few people and yet they were both still sitting with each other instead of fumbling with an almost complete stranger in a closet.
However, Chloe thought the dress she was in was to blame. She had agreed, for some reason, to be a bridesmaid. It was, of course, pink. But it covered her from her elbows down to her ankles. It was cut highly at the throat so her tits, one of her best physical attributes, weren’t on display. Plus, there was a garden of ugly, satiny, pink flowers dotting her chest. There was a bow on her ass so no one could look at that, either. She had no idea what Lex’s problem was. He clearly wasn’t trying hard enough.
“This isn’t fair,” she lamented. “Lana promised me sex.” Yes, the girl had blushed as she said it but she’d assured Chloe that there were plenty of eligible men that would be at the reception. “But look, there’s not so much as a tongue in sight.”
Lex turned his head to look at her with a disbelieving stare. “You were promised sex?” He couldn’t believe Lana could actually make such a promise. A chuckle bubbled up and he didn’t bother to hide it before he finally remarked, “I only got the promise of free parking. That’s unfair.”
He turned his gaze back to the crowd, sweeping it with a glance. “And it’s your turn anyway,” he commented on her first statement.
There weren’t many people who looked even remotely interesting, so it wasn’t a wonder both of them had turned down the first couple of victims they’d picked out for the other.
A guy on the edge of the dance floor caught Lex’s attention. Cheap suit, but not as cheap as the hicks’ attire. And he had a camera hanging around his neck, taking occasional snapshots of the party guests.
“That one.” He pointed at the boy with the hand that held his champagne glass and leaned back. “He’s probably a virgin, but he looks like he’d be willing to do everything if you tell him to.”
Chloe sighed. That’s not what she was looking for tonight. She wanted wild monkey sex to end her dry spell. But beggars couldn’t be choosers.
“Fine,” she said, downing the last of her champagne. “I’m going in.” Whoever got lucky first got…she couldn’t even remember what the prize was. Apart from the actual sex, of course.
Chloe walked over and started talking to the dude with the camera. Henry. But she only stayed there for a few minutes. She understood why he was alone.
Lex looked surprised that she was back so soon. “Halitosis. No thank you.” She sat down next to him and scanned the crowd for a female that he could go and hit on.
“Oh, bingo.” She tapped on his shoulder. “Four o’clock. Redhead. Wearing the off the shoulder number. Go!”
Lex’s brows arched as he looked at the woman in question. Had to be part of the small town ‘high society’. He shrugged and got up from the table, taking his champagne with him.
He approached her and complimented her on her dress, gave her a charming smile, nodded when she answered and managed to be witty as he realized that this one was a no go when she waved her left hand in front of her mouth as she laughed.
Returning to the table, Lex finished off his glass on the way and snagged two more from a waiter that was whisking by.
Chloe gaped at him as he sat down next to her again and moved one of the glasses closer to her. “Married. And I’m just not that kind of guy.”
He scanned the crowd again, looking for a suitable victim, someone not too old, not too young and hopefully without a serious case of bad breath.
“At the buffet, the blonde guy. Just ignore the cowboy boots.”
She titled her head to the side. He wasn’t that bad, actually. She got up, glass in hand, and did her best sauntering she could pull off in the dress.
Again, after only a few minutes she knew why he was alone. She’d given him a few well placed words and practically stomped back over to Lex.
“Grabbed my ass.” Lex looked over towards the bar but the guy had disappeared. “I mean, yeah, I wanted him to do that later. But, really, so rude.”
This was turning out even worse than she’d imagined. She rubbed her hands together as she looked over the room. One of them was going to get some sex out of this night. If it killed her.
“No. No. Ugh, double no. Mrs. Kent. Nell. No. Oh, hey.” It was a woman about her age. Fresh faced and laughing at something that Clark was saying. “Ok, the girl with Clark. If she’s laughing at something he’s saying you know that she’ll be nice.”
Lex followed her gaze and had to agree that she had to be nice. Either that, or she was still laughing because Clark had said something so ridiculously stupid that she couldn’t stop laughing or might have to start crying.
At that moment, Lana sidled up to her freshly baked husband and pulled him away, a little too forcefully for it to be anything other than a jealous scene. Lex snorted and got up from the table, making his way over to the woman Chloe had indicated.
He put on his most charming smile and inquired what was so amusing about his friend. She told him that she found it hilarious how Clark had commented that he thought it was ‘nice’ how close she and her friend were. Lex arched a brow in question and the young woman explained. They talked for another two minutes before she went off to look for her friend and Lex went back to the table shaking his head.
“Gay.” He sat down and picked up his glass again, swirling the liquid inside it and noting the decided lack of sparkling. “Maybe you should hit on her?” The woman, Maple, had told him she was here with her girlfriend, but it was good enough for a joke.
Chloe wasn’t above trying something new if she had enough alcohol. Friction was friction. Besides, that meant that the woman might actually know what to do with a clitoris. “She is kinda cute,” she remarked as her eyes followed the girl.
“And I am desperate.” The girl had a nice figure and shiny hair. “But you wouldn’t get to watch, you know,” she commented.
Lex laughed and shook his head, not surprised that Chloe ran with the idea. She’d had her share of champagne after all. “It’s not really that interesting, watching two girls getting it on.”
It got interesting once you were allowed to join them and play. Ah, those had been the good old days. But he doubted there was anyone on this party that wouldn’t gasp in indignation at the idea of a threesome.
“What do I get if I make out with her?” This was the only thing staving off boredom and depression. Talking to Lex. If he offered her a Porsche the game was totally on. But she doubted he would, based on what he’d just said.
“The tongue you’ve been promised,” he countered.
See, nothing all that good. “Blech, not worth it.” She looked around at their paltry pickings. How had this happened?
“Pete even brought a date,” she pointed out. He had been her fallback position. If she couldn’t find anyone else. “I thought that was money in the bank.”
Lex looked at her, not believing what he was hearing. Pete Ross? “Pete?” He shook his head sadly. “You really are desperate.”
Pete Ross hadn’t grown after high school, rather he hadn’t changed at all since then and was still the same unassuming, five foot five guy he’d always been. There was nothing remotely interesting about Peter Ross that made him a potentially worthwhile fuck.
Fingers digging into his forearm brought his gaze down to see that Chloe was gripping him tightly. “A woman has needs, Lex,” she whined.
Lex looked again at Pete Ross, then at her and patted the hand on his arm consolingly. “I don’t mean to spoil it for you, but what they say about black guys’ dicks? Statistics speak different.”
When Lex was bored, he liked looking up all kinds of weird things on the internet. And yes, penis statistics had been among them. He’d grinned as he got solid proof he was above average. Anyway, he was trying to tell Chloe something for her own good. Right.
“So you’d probably be better off taking care of those needs yourself.”
“Been there, done that, it’s not the same.” She huffed out a sigh. This was supposed to be a fun night. Not one spent with Lex drinking at the sad sack table.
“It’s different when you’re all sweaty with someone.” Chloe knew her voice had a far off quality. It was well earned. She was thinking of the last time she’d had some really good sex with another person. It had been far too long.
Which was why she was more determined than Lex. He still took care of his ‘urges’ when he needed to with some woman in Metropolis. She’d never gotten up the courage to ask if she was a pro or just a fuck buddy.
Lex chuckled at Chloe’s predicament, guessing that she had to be pretty hard up if she was taking this so seriously. “I’m amused, if a bit surprised, that you really believed Lana’s promise of sex.”
This was a Kent wedding reception. Of course there wouldn’t really be anything worth hunting. Lex was just indulging in their little game to fight off the boredom that would probably last for another few hours, unless he made his excuses and got the hell out.
He looked over at Chloe and could see that she was pouting now, nursing her champagne and glaring at all the couples on the dance floor. She’d honestly been looking for a suitable fuck.
“Well, if you really want to get laid, the best you can do is get out of this dress first,” he offered with a sideways glance at the atrocity that Lana had made her bridesmaids wear.
“Because as long as you’re wearing that?” He shook his head sadly. No one would pick her up while she was wearing something that could hide Texas underneath all those bows and flowers.
“This so isn’t fair.” She knew she sounded like a put off three year old but she didn’t care. She kicked her dreadful shoes off under the table. “You guys get to look all dashing and sexy,” she waved her hand in his general direction. “And I get to look like Pepto.”
She felt Lex’s hand on her shoulder. He sighed dramatically, “I wish I could argue that point.”
Moving her shoulder around in order to dislodge his paw, she looked down at the dress. Having Lex tell her it was hideous had made her mood all the more worse. “What if I cut it up to here?” She indicated a few inches above her knees. “Would that help?”
At least she could show off her legs that way.
Lex considered her dress, looked down at where she was indicating, imagining what she would look like in a decent dress with that much leg showing, but then brought himself back to reality and the monstrosity she was actually wearing.
“You’d look like the cheap, generic version of pepto.”
Chloe huffed and flopped back in her chair looking even more put off than before. “Kay,” she said with a pout. “So, you’re saying I have to parade around in my underwear?”
Lex wondered just what kind of underwear she was wearing and then decided it didn’t matter, really. He took a sip from his champagne and imagined Chloe quasi streaking through the crowd. “It would get the crowd’s attention.” He smirked.
Lex was being totally unhelpful. She knew that he was getting a kick out of her problem. But that’s because he could get sex anytime, anywhere and with whomever he wanted. Save for this place, of course. It wasn’t as easy for her. At least it hadn’t been as of late.
“You can’t even see my cleavage.” Chloe knew how to play to her strengths. “I’ve got amazing tits.”
“Yepp,” Lex agreed. “Unfortunately, they're covered in big pink flowers at the moment.” His eyes were resting on the aforementioned monstrosities that adorned her chest.
Her eyes followed his. “Sorry guys, you probably can’t breathe in there, can you?” She worked two fingers under her collar and used her other hand to fan some air down the gap.
Lex chuckled as he watched the display. “It’s your fault for agreeing to be a bridesmaid.” He’d pointed this out numerous times tonight.
“Just saying.” Seeing that Chloe was beginning to get more huffy than pouty, Lex decided to continue their game before she got seriously angry. Now that he knew this wasn’t just a game, and she was trying to really find someone, he scanned the crowd more carefully. “Okay, let’s see.”
There was a guy standing by himself near the band podium, tapping his feet in time with the music and looking around aimlessly. He was a bit older than the ones he’d picked for Chloe before, but not too old. Maybe in his late thirties, early forties. Reasonable suit, well groomed and seemed a likely candidate for a bit of fun without attachments.
“That one. Go try your luck.”
Chloe looked over at Lex’s suggestion. He was about 15 years older than her and she wouldn’t have considered him earlier in the evening but her veins were pumped full of liquid courage so she got to her feet. She decided to leave her shoes under the table.
When she came back to Lex, she wondered what her face looked like. Chloe was shocked. And that didn’t happen often.
He was looking at her carefully. “Good choice. Nice guy. Looking for a third to join him and his wife.” She watched Lex’s eyes widen. “He knows Mr. Kent from the fucking rotary club!”
Chloe drank some much needed champagne. That one was going to stick with her for awhile. Lex started to laugh.
Even though she was annoyed with him, she was still looking for a woman for him being it was his turn. So, she was delighted when she saw a tall blonde looking their way. She was totally checking Lex out.
“You’ve got a bite. Standing about three feet away from the horn section.” The woman was still looking at Lex. Chloe sighed. It was just her luck that he was going to get some and she wasn’t. “If I can’t have sex in the closet tonight, you totally have to.”
Lex looked at the woman she was indicating. Tall, leggy blonde. Very leggy. “Now that’s a dress,” he commented as he appreciated the obviously expensive designer gown that flattered all the curves and valleys perfectly. “Excuse me.”
He put his glass aside and went to go talk to the beauty that was so completely out of place at this shindig.
Five minutes later, he returned, still completely shocked. He was aware of course that something like this wasn’t uncommon. Some of his former friends had dabbled with it. But they’d never looked so fucking convincing. And well, he usually noticed. It worried him that he hadn’t until four minutes into their conversation.
Lex looked a little paler than usual and sat down on his seat like an automaton, grabbing his glass and downing it in one gulp. Chloe couldn’t contain her curiosity any longer.
“What happened?”
Lex turned his gaze on her and swallowed again, slowly getting over the surprise.
“You’ll never guess what she hides under that dress.” For emphasis, he looked pointedly at his own lap.
Chloe tried not to gape as she looked over at the woman. She got caught but the woman didn’t seem to mind. She only laughed and raised her glass to Chloe. Not wanting to be rude, Chloe picked up her own glass, made a toasting gesture and then gulped down the liquid.
Her eyes ran over the woman. “He looks better than I do.” And she didn’t mean just tonight. She meant in general. She was in much better shape, dressed better. God, life really was unfair.
“He does not look better than you.” Lex almost sounded like he was saying the words more out of habit than real feeling. Chloe usually pointed out all of the women who were more attractive than her. Well, she’d started doing that when the sex had dried up.
“Chloe,” she knew that tone required her to look at Lex. “He just wears more make up and Dolce.” She didn’t care. She was being unreasonable and didn’t want Lex using logic.
She downed Lex’s glass of champagne and was starting to feel tingly. Finally.
“I give this place 20 more minutes. If nothing happens...” Which it wouldn’t. “I’m going home to Lyle.”
Lex watched as she downed a champagne glass that someone else had left on the table. She’d really had more than her share and maybe he should stop her. But it was such fun to watch her when she was drunk.
Her last comment made him curious though. He’d also never heard of this Lyle before. “If you’ve got a guy at home waiting, why are you looking for sex here?” Maybe he’d gotten something wrong.
A waiter appeared and Chloe snagged two more glasses from his tray, handing one over to him as she drank from hers. “The manufacturer named it,” she slurred slightly, “was on the box.”
Lex almost spit the champagne back into his glass as the pieces came together. “You’ve got a dildo named Lyle?” He could scarcely hold back his chuckling. “That’s kind of sad.” Pathetic, really, but he didn’t want to say that.
What was there to say when your attractive female friend told you she planned to go home to get off with her vibrator?
“Well,” he drawled and contemplated his glass, “at least Lyle won’t complain about the dress.”
“S’true,” she said, picking up another glass. But Lyle wasn’t nearly as fun as a real guy. “But he doesn’t touch me. And I can’t feel his muscles working while we fuck and he doesn’t make nice sounds.” She listed some of the things that she missed now that she wasn’t active with the opposite sex in making of the sex.
Another assy comment from Lex. “What? That buzzing doesn’t get you all hot and bothered?”
She glared at him before putting her head down on the table. She was getting to that tired point. “Nope, I prefer the grunting, groaning, moaning and cursing.”
Chloe moved some hair out of her face so she could look up at Lex. “Don’t you prefer a small hand to your left one?”
Lex looked at her, trying to ignore that she was using her small hand to imitate the movement of jerking off. She’d narrowly missed a stain of incredibly chalky pasta sauce when her head officially met the table.
That was his cue.
“You look like you’ve had enough.” He rounded up the glasses in her immediate reach that still had champagne in them and put them further away.
Chloe really was a lightweight when it came to alcohol. He’d had about five flutes but it hadn’t affected him in the least. Probably because he’d had that pasta and it was now working as some sort of glue that kept the alcohol captive in his stomach and didn’t let it move on to the bloodstream. At least it felt like there was something sticky and heavy in his stomach ever since he’d eaten.
“I just need to regroup,” she protested, but her head still wasn’t making it up from the surface of the table. “Waiter!”
Lex cringed as she yelled and waved her arm in the air.
“I need cake!”
What she really needed was to get out of here before she made a fool of herself.
“Did you get here by car?” he asked as he tried Chloe to right herself up in her chair.
She shook her head. “Kents took me.” And her head was back on the table.
As Lex looked around, trying to find the elder Kents in the crowd, he heard Chloe mutter, “Not going home alone, too depressive.”
She had a point there, he had to admit. There was no one waiting for him at home either and it was a rather boring day of the week. No must see TV that he really wanted to see.
He finally spotted the couple he was looking for in a corner behind the band podium, making out like a couple of rampant teenagers. “Looks like the Kents are not going to be driving you home.” He pointed in their direction so Chloe could see what he was talking about.
Slowly, Chloe picked up her head and looked at what Lex was pointing at. “Are you kidding me?” Mr. and Mrs. Kent were getting pretty hot and heavy for being old and being in public. “Old people are getting play and I’m sitting here alone!” Then she remembered Lex. “Sorry, you know what I mean.” He didn’t count. Like she didn’t count with him.
“Come on, let’s get your cake and I’ll drive you home.” He didn’t want Chloe to get to that loud phase that she sometimes did. There was no reason for other people to hear their conversation. Especially because of the topic.
She looked up at him, rather pathetically. He almost dreaded her next words.
“Lex, do you think I'm a loser that no man will ever want because I talk back and am rude?” It was something she thought a lot about. You were supposed to be yourself but what if yourself was unattractive and no one would ever marry you because of it?
Chloe saw his expression soften just the slightest before he began smirking again. “Nope, I think you're a woman who's unfortunate enough to look for a lay on a Kent party while wearing a Pepto Bismol dress.”
“It's all about the circumstances, really.” He was glad that he didn’t have to lie to her at this point. Chloe was attractive, she just wasn’t attractive right now.
“I didn't mean now...” She put her head back down on the table. “I mean ever. No one loves me, gonna eat some worms today.”
“What do worms have to do with your current predicament?” Lex looked befuddled by her turn of phrase.
Chloe closed her eyes. “It’s a kid’s song.” She cleared her throat. “Nobody loves me, everybody hates me, I’m gonna eat some worms today.” She sang the song softly.
She tilted her head up and took stock of the people she knew. “Lana's all married, Clark's all married, Pete has a woman, my dad is dating someone and Lois has a man. And I, I have Lyle. And I’m whining. Which makes me even more of a loser.”
Lex frowned as he watched her spiral down into self-pity, complete with a sad children’s song about eating worms that he could have lived without ever hearing. This was really bad. He wondered how long it had been since she’d gotten laid for it to be this bad. It had to have been more than a month or two.
It was time to take some interceptive action and stop this before she could start crying. Women started crying at the weirdest moments when they were drunk.
“You are not a loser,” he said firmly as he hooked his hand under her arm and hauled her up from the table.
She wobbled precariously on her feet, even though she wasn’t wearing her shoes anymore, and Lex shifted his arm to hold her steady around her waist.
“It not like your some old spinster, or still a virgin, or anything,” he continued as he looked under the table.
The shoes obviously came with the dress, because they were pink frilly high heels with bows on them that Chloe would never wear under any other circumstances. Lex decided she could live without the shoes.
“Come on, let’s get you home and out of the pepto taffeta and flowers.”
Her arms slung around him and she stopped his movement, looking up at him with big sad, totally drunk off her ass eyes. “And now you feel sorry for me, too.”
Uh oh.
Lex coaxed her into walking away from the table and along the dance floor towards the exit of the room.
“My friend could have scored, but instead he had to stay with me so I don’t vomit in my own hair.”
This time, Lex stopped and turned to hold her upright by both arms, looking at her sternly.
“There will be no vomiting in my car.” He put just enough finality into his tone that it should scare her innards into obliging and distract her from her dangerously sad thoughts.
“And I don’t pity you,” he added.
“Are we really going?” She knew she didn’t have to ask. Lex was half dragging her out of the place. “Yes, Chloe,” he said, slowly, as if explaining something to a child. “We’re really going.”
“OK,” she pouted. She saw Clark and Lana talking in a corner. “Lemme go say goodbye to the happy couple.” It was only polite.
Lex knew this was going to be bad but a sick part of him wanted to see it. “Okay.” He kept his arm around her as they walked over to the newlyweds.
Once they were in earshot, he said, “Clark, Lana...we're going.” He turned to Chloe, waiting for the show to begin.
“Oh, Ok.” Lana looked at her friends. Poor them, leaving alone. Well, with each other but not with each other. “Don’t worry, Chloe, it’ll happen for you too someday.”
Chloe couldn’t take the earnest tone of voice. “Whatever, I got there first.” She waved her hand in Clark’s direction.
Lex had to stifle his laughter at the look on the newest Kent’s face. Her face pinched up and she sharply looked over at Clark.
“Have a great night. And all the best.” They would get while the getting was good.
As they were walking out, Lex spied the table with the cake on it. They’d already cut it. “You still want some cake?”
Chloe nodded. “Lots of it. It’d better be good.” She watched as Lex cut a piece out of it. “Get me two.”
“This one is at least three.” He looked over at her. She was practically salivating at the cake. “And there will also be no eating in my car. And if you call me a spoilsport you get to walk home and I won't help you out of the dress.”
Chloe was getting her pout on again, but Lex was relentless on that point. It was a new car after all and getting stains out of leather was not as simple as some people would imagine.
“Just think of all the hundreds of little hooks and eyes that Lana insisted on because they look ‘so much more classy’ than a zipper.”
A girl that couldn’t even form the proper comparative for classy which was not even considered a real adverb in higher circles insisted on a closing device for dresses that had gone out with the century before last.
Lex had laughed heartily and promptly gotten an elbow to the ribs when Chloe had told him about that.
The pout disappeared and turned into a dark look, followed by a snapped. “Fine.” A short pause. “Just promise me you’ll use scissors.”
He looked at the dress again as he led her out of the room and towards the parking lot, balancing the cake on the hand that wasn’t needed to balance Chloe. If he wasn’t a billionaire already, he could probably have made his first million as a waiter.
“I’ll use the big ones,” he promised, “see how many slices we can get out of this.”
Chloe nodded in agreement and grinned. “Make a party out of it, use ‘em as streamers.”
Lex chuckled and shook his head at the idea. “Do you really want pink streamers in your apartment?”
He’d managed to get them to his car and propped Chloe up against the passenger side, placing the cake on top of the hood for the moment. Looking at the open plate, he just knew this was going to get tricky.
Chloe turned around and pawed at the handle for the door. Lex quickly used the little remote in his pocket to unlock the car.
“Just for tonight,” she said, “it’ll be festive.”
~~
“Where’d you put the key?”
Lex was looking at her and suspected he already knew the answer. Chloe didn’t have her purse and he doubted the dress had pockets.
“Oh. They’re in my bag. And the bag is back there.” She waved her hand behind her. “But don’t worry.” She held up her finger and pointed it at him. “I can break in.”
He rolled his eyes at her and leaned against the doorframe with the cake in his hands. “Go for it.”
Chloe nodded and then went to one of the windows. She always kept it unlocked. After about a minute, she was able to work it up enough so she could slide through it.
As she was halfway in she heard Lex remark, “Lana must subliminally hate you.”
He was looking at the big poofy bow on her ass. Not attractive.
She was proud of herself when she made it through and didn’t even fall. Not even once. She opened the door to Lex.
“Good girl.” Chloe ignored his condescending tone. Instead, she pumped her fist in the air and proclaimed, “I rule!”
Lex walked through the doorway and she let him put the pieces of cake on the table before she spoke again. “Now, come on and help me get out of this thing.” Chloe lived alone so Lex was her only hope of getting out of the thing. She’d imagined that someone else would have been doing it. “You’re it, buddy.”
He shook his head and went straight for the kitchen.
“Now, if only she didn’t constantly forget half the things she rules over,” he commented to himself as he started looking for a pair of kitchen scissors.
She hadn’t even noticed her lack of shoes yet, it seemed.
He heard the stereo come on in the living room and a moment later, Chloe yelled over the din of the music.
“They had such bad music!”
He found the scissors in the drawer next to the sink and returned to the living room.
“The bad music wasn’t the worst. Did you try the chicken?” Lex had given that a go before he’d decided on braving the pasta.
Chloe ignored him in favor of twirling around in her dress. “If I could have busted a move I would have totally gotten a man.” She sounded completely convinced of that fact.
Lex preferred hearing that over her self-pity monologue from earlier. He was glad she seemed to have gotten over the whining and into a better mood.
He looked at the dress and shook his head. “No one can bust a move in a dress without slit.”
This monstrosity really had not a single positive thing going for it. He wondered what kind of tailor could have created this without weeping in agony. Or getting thrown out of the guild for unnecessary cruelty to fabrics and humankind.
Lex snipped the scissors in the air and looked calculatingly for the best spot to start. But to be fair, he’d give Chloe a last chance to change her mind.
“So, easy or hard way?”
“Whatever you want.” Chloe was shaking her tail feather so she didn’t care about anything else. This fucking night was over and she was getting out of the damn dress. All was right in the world.
Lex ignored the frenetic dancing and concentrated on the dress. It had what appeared to be a thousand hooks on the back of it.
Chloe ‘danced’ over to him. “You always struck me as the easy type,” he drawled.
“I know! What is wrong with the other guys, can't they see that?” She’d talked to almost every male there and had nothing to show for it.
“It’s pretty hard to look past the attitude.” He’d thought he had said it low enough but Chloe was looking at him crossly so she’d obviously heard it. “The dress. I meant it’s hard to look past the dress.”
Lex grabbed at her shoulder, it took him three tries before she didn’t dance away from him, and turned her around. “Ok, let’s see about getting you freed.”
She watched as Lex got down on one knee and took the hem of the dress in his hand. He started to cut, running the scissors all the way up to the waistline. “I can’t decide which part is the worst,” he said as he worked.
“The bows or the flowers.” Chloe had to agree. It was a hideous tie.
Lex shook his head and looked for a good place to set the scissors to cut off the top part. He didn’t want to risk any of the tiny hooks flying off and landing in the carpet, only to be stepped on later.
“It’s like she made sure to cover every single sexy part of you with something so ridiculous that no one would even guess you’re a real girl.”
Lana really had to have an inferiority complex that knew no equal. There were enough pretty bridesmaid dresses out there to prove that they didn’t have to be ugly by tradition or anything.
Chloe giggled and moved, making Lex glad he hadn’t yet put the scissors to her body. “She’s jealous of my ass and legs and knockers, obviously.”
“Obviously.”
He finally found a place a little to the left of the back seam to place the scissors. His gaze slid a bit lower and he noticed he was face to face with Chloe’s butt. She wore a lacy, white boy-cut slip that barely covered the luscious mounds. “Nice panties, by the way.”
The scissors closed and he snipped a slow path up her back, careful not to cut into her skin on the way up to the stupid high collar.
He felt Chloe pulling up the dress in the front to look at her panties. Lex chuckled as he realized she must have forgotten which ones she was wearing. “Ah,” was her sound of realization before she twisted her head around to look at him. “Yeah, in case I got lucky, you know?”
“Though,” she said as she considered her current position, “how many women get to be undressed by Mr. Lex…wait, probably a lot. Forget it.” Lex got around. He was a big manwhore so the number probably had three digits.
“Well, you're the first I've undressed with scissors if that's any consolation.” He was again glad that mopey Chloe was gone. He preferred this one much more.
Chloe laughed a little. “That’ll do.” She patted Lex on the head and she knew the only reason her hand wasn’t batted away was because he had scissors in them.
“You're the first I thought about undressing, too.” Thankfully Lex’s methodical work was paying off. She could feel the constricting material letting up on her body. “What about up here?” He hadn’t totally cut her collar yet.
Lex stood up and tilted her head forward then sliced through the last two inches of pink fabric. The dress was now gaping wide open in the back, her panties and bra strap the only bits of material covering her.
He licked his lips at the rather erotic sight, but shook it off. No reason to get excited about it.
“You’re all sliced free in the back, just need to wiggle out of the sleeves.”
Which would be enough of a feat for her, considering the sleeves were also in the style of the century before last. Puffy at the shoulders and ridiculously tight down the length of her arms.
“How did you ever get into this thing in the first place?”
Lex imagined a procedure involving the use of some kind of tube for the arms and maybe a crocheting needle for all the hooks and eyes. One thing was clear: on her own, Chloe would have been doomed.
“With help,” Chloe replied as she started wiggling and dancing around, stepping on the loose hanging hem of her dress to get out of the constricting sleeves.
When the dress finally fell to the floor, Chloe jumped on it and started to dance around, waving her arms emphatically in the air.
“Free at last! Free at last! Thank God almighty, I’m free at last!”
Lex laughed and put the scissors aside, watching her dance and kick the dress.
“I don’t think Martin meant it quite that way, but whatever works,” he said as he walked over to the couch.
He took off his jacket and threw it over the back of the couch, then sank into the cushions with a comfortable groan. This was much better than those damn high backed chairs they’d had at the reception.
Chloe was still dancing around in her underwear as she answered, “Yea, but he never had to wear a dress.”
Lex snorted and just watched her for a moment, wiggling and shimmying around to the music from the stereo. She really looked good in lace. All soft curves packaged nicely in nothing but sexy lingerie.
“It’s a shame you didn’t wear that to the wedding. Sans the ugly dress.”
The song changed from an upbeat one to a slow one that Chloe was sure was popular with strippers. Now instead of bopping around, she undulated to the beat. Where was a pole when you needed one? And, being that she was only in her underwear, she probably looked like a stripper, too.
“I know, I have a good body.” She ran her hands down her sides. “Look at these abs.” She patted her stomach as she danced closer to Lex.
He shifted around a little on the couch, trying to get comfortable. Had nothing to do with the free show in front of him. Lex scrutinized her stomach. He didn’t see a set of well defined abs. Just what looked like soft skin dotted with a few birthmarks and a cute belly button. “Ok. You want to add some layers to the abs?”
For all of the talking she’d done about the cake, Chloe had probably forgotten about it already.
“Layers?” She left her hand on her stomach as she turned around, dancing, her back now to Lex. “Like another six pack on the six pack for a twelve pack?” Was he suggesting she have more to drink?
When she turned back around he said, “I was actually talking about the cake.”
Chloe laughed at her own silliness. “Right, I’m sorry. Still a little dizzy. No, ditzy. Maybe both.” She looked down at the pieces of cake. She scooped up some icing and ran it over her stomach. “Is that what you meant?” The giggles were coming.
She half smiled at Lex as she cleaned off her fingers one by one in her mouth.
Lex tried to stifle his own laughter as he watched her noisily slurping on her fingers. He turned his eyes onto her chocolate smeared belly and shook his head with a mock frown as he clucked his tongue. “Now look what you did.”
He reached out with his left and swiped his fingers through the mess on her stomach. Bringing them to his mouth he licked them clean with a lot less show than Chloe had.
He made a surprised noise in the back of his throat as he tasted the rich chocolate flavor.
“The cake’s actually not bad.”
On an impulse, he pulled her closer by the hips and licked in a broad swipe across the smeared icing. “Really not bad.”
He grinned as she squirmed between his hands, trying to wriggle away. For the hell of it, he tightened his hold and continued licking at her belly.
“Stop it!” Chloe squealed and fought a little harder against his hold. “That’s cruel teasing me.”
Lex lapped the last swipe of chocolate away, then pulled back and licked his lips exaggeratedly. “You brought it on yourself.”
He leaned back in his seat and looked challengingly up at Chloe, waiting what she’d do with that remark.
“Fine,” she huffed and brushed some hair out of her face, staring him down with a wicked smile. “Then two can play that game. I’ll…” She paused for a moment, thinking about it. “I’ll entice you till you’re begging for it.”