Bathroom drama (PG-13) Complete

[Sandy]

Bathroom drama
Summary: Let's just say Lex is having a bit of "bathroom drama". (not what you THINK!)
Rated:PG-13

One

"Seriously Clark, why do men have to read play boy?" Chloe looked disgusted at her friend, as he flipped the pages of the latest issue of Play Boy.
"Don't you let Lex read it? Lois doesn't care." Clark shrugged as he flipped a page and stopped in his tracks.

"Yeah right Smallville. Oooh.." Lois loomed over his shoulder and stared at the new "beauty queen" for this month.

"This months new beauty queen is Smallville's very own," Lois paused as if to make a grand entrance. "Lana Lang. In all her glory serious does she have to own all the hearts of Kansas?" Lois huffed as she took the mag from Clark.

"Hey! I was reading that!"
"The hell you were! It should go in the garbage where it belongs!"

"Where what belongs?" A male voice entered the conversation. Chloe turn towards the sound of Lex Luthor.

"Nothing.." Lois finished. She didn't want Lex to know that Lana Lang was in Play Boy. He would probably freak like Clark.

"Lana is in this months Play boy." Clark snatched the magazine from Lois, and showed Lana in all her glory. Lex look entranced by her beauty but frowned.

"Chloe could do better." Chloe took that as a compliment, but then stated
"Hey! I am NOT going into Play boy just so guys can drool all over me. I get enough of that from you!" Lex smiled and gave a light tap on her butt.

"So anyway Lois, as I was saying. The bathroom has been well kinda 'active' the past few days. I swear if it's not smells it's something else."

"You two having sex in the shower again?" Clark raised an eyebrow as if flirting with his friend. Or likely sister in law.

"Not since last week." Lex winked at Clark and growled at Chloe.
"Haha it is to laugh. Everytime we have something to eat at night, he's in the bathroom at 3AM. I keep telling him not to eat that stuff. It's not good for him."

"Oh puhleeze! So I stink up the bathroom everyday. Who doesn't?" Lois almost chokes on her water. Clark gives her a glare, more like a threaten evil frown.

"Clark," Clark cut off Lois and wanted to know more about Lex's bathroom drama.

"Doesn't he know I have to clean that shit? I mean come on! At least be polite and put the lid down."
"Chloe, you can't expect me to put the lid down every time I go number 2." Chloe shot her husband a glare but he ignored it.

"Seriously Lex, the NEXT time you go poop in my bathroom, your doodoo!"
"Good one Chloe." Chloe was making her exit.
"Chloe?" Lex called after her. He shrugged at Lois and Clark, and ran after her.

"Bathroom drama." Clark shook his head. Lois hit him playfully on the shoulder.
"You're the one who should talk."

"Me? What about that whomper you left me this morning?" Lois glared at him and Clark turned to look at his Play boy magazine.

****

On the way home Lex's shoulders were tensed about the conversation at the Talon.

"How can men do that?" Chloe burst out.
"Well EVERYONE does it Chloe."

"Read Play boy. I mean seriously. You don't see me drooling in the Play girl aisle."

"Well there was that one time.."
"That's because it was YOU silly. Besides I haven't seen you naked then." She winks at him and a smile grows on his lips.

***

3:00AM

Chloe leans over to Lex, but he isn't there. She hears the toilet being flushed. A groan escapes her mouth. Lex tumbles in bed and lays down.

"Leeeeex!"
"Did you want something?" He growled seductively.

"What have I told you about the bathroom thing?" Chloe complained.
"What? It's my mansion."

"What's yours in mine."
"And yours is mine."

"Grrr! Stupid marriage." Chloe pulled the covers over her head, faced away from Lex and went back to bed.
"It's not my fault. I'm not the one who makes dinner." Lex said as he got comfy facing away from her. Chloe shot up and gave him the stariest of all glares.

"My cooking? What's that have to do with it?!" Lex shrugged still facing away from her. He could feel her icy eyes on his back.
"Well maybe your using too much grease."

"Well excuse me if you have a passion for fried foods."
"It's not my fault. I don't eat them too much."

"Well who's fault is it for going to the bathroom? It has to be SOMETHING you're eating." Chloe went back to bed and wondered what it was making Lex go poop more then anything.

[itsjustXchar]

oh wow..That was hilarious! Keep up the good work!

[Sandy]

Oh come on guys! Where's your sense of humor? You KNO you wanna read chlex bathroom humor. rofl!

Two

The sound of the plunger made a splooshing noise as Chloe unclogged the toilet.

"I swear Lex you're on a roll. You're like a 2 year old." Chloe said as she held her breath.
"I can't help it Chlo. What about that whomper you left this morning?" Chloe stopped in her tracks.

"That's not the point. How are you going to work today?"
"So I'll take some imodium." Lex said as he looked in the cabinet.

"We don't have any." Chloe reminded him.
"Well then I'll just have to get some won't I?" Lex looked at Chloe and left for work.

*******

The Supermarket Pharmacy

Lex was looking at the racks and found some imodium.

"You've got the runs too? My wife is giving me a headache." A man said as he grabbed two packages.
"Uh yeah.." Lex said as he picked up a package.

********

"Mr. Luthor?" Lex's secretary came in his room and he wasn't there. He was in the room and he brought in five magazines. She noticed his magazine rack was dug into. She went and knocked on his private bathroom.

"Mr. Luthor, it's your wife on line one." Lex felt embarrassed and picked up the phone in the bathroom. Yes he had a phone in his bathroom for just such an occasion.

"Yes Chloe?" Lex groaned.
"I take it your in the can." Chloe smiled.

"Nice one Chlo. Now what did you want? I'm kinda.. busy.." Lex blushed as he read his magazine.
"I just you to pick up a few things at the store."

"Like?"
"Well, we ran out of condoms."

"Sure thing I'd be glad to have another embarrassing day."
"Lex, I think people buy those every day. Besides it's not like we're married or anything. I also need you to pick up a bottle of wine."

"I take it it's gonna be an interesting evening?"
"You'll see. Thanks sweety." She hung up the phone and Lex continued to do his "business".

*******

"So he clogged the toilet this morning?" Lois laughed as Chloe prepared the table on the balcony.
"Yeah. I swear he's a stinker. I love him but you know."

"Yeah I feel the same way about Clark. Good luck tonight hon. I gotta get back to the farm."
"Bye Lois."

*******

The grocery store at the check out

"Wild night tonight huh Mr. Luthor?" The cashier said as he scanned the box of condoms. Chloe!

*******

When Lex got home he noticed his study was dim, the fire was going, and the glass coffee table was decorated with red petals. Soft music was dancing with the fire. Lex set the bottle of wine on the table and started to take off his tie. In walked Chloe in her night gown.

"Hey sexy." She said as she kissed him.
"Hey. You wearing the night gown I got you." He smiled.

"I feel great in it. Not too heavy, and very comfy."
"And very sexy!" Lex growled taking her in his arms.

The night gown had a spaghetti strapped lingerie look. Her pants were flowing and silky.

"I'm not wearing any underwear." Chloe whispered. Lex wanted to do her now but he resisted the urge. He would do her "later". Maybe after dinner.

********

They ended there night making out to the dancing fire until..

"Chloe.."
"Yea?"
"I have to go to the bathroom.."
"Lex!"

TBC
You KNO you want more! :rofl:

[itsjustXchar]

"Wild night tonight huh Mr. Luthor?" The cashier said as he scanned the box of condoms. Chloe!

Wild night, hmm?




"Chloe.."
"Yea?"
"I have to go to the bathroom.."
"Lex!"

This one made me laugh so hard! But I was like, "Nooo TBC!"

lol:D

[Sandy]

Thank you SO much for reading this! It really means a lot. Not many chlexers like bathroom humor, but I love it. I am enjoying writing it. I will have another update "soon".

[TheDragonLady]

I don't even want to TALK about toilets right now (stomach flu) *insert ghastly image of poor DragonLady passed out on the bathroom floor*...

But...

FUNNY!

[marcela]

this is too funny!! I don't think I've ever read a fanfic about that, but it's just so funny! great work!

[Queen Of Tact]

LMAO..... This so reminds me of my friend....

[Alizaleven]

LOL! Sandy I absolutely love this.. its soo funny. I wouldn't have thought of this idea for a chlex fic.. very interesting topic hehe.. Can't wait for more ;)

[Sandy]

The sound of the toilet was being flushed. Chloe moaned as she looked over to Lex’s side. He wasn’t there. He must be in the stupid bathroom. She thought as she rolled back over to her side.

“Chloe!” Lex yelled as he pushed the plunger in the toilet but the water kept on rising. Chloe groaned to herself, and went to see what was the matter.
“What is it?” She saw the rising of the toilet, and glared at Lex. She then went to turn the knob to stop the water from over floaing.
“Thank you babe.” Lex grinned, but Chloe didn’t by it.
“Next time, your goose is cooked. Man that really reaks Lex! What the hell is making you go so much?” Chloe wondered as she waved her hand in front of her nose.
“I have no idea, but I’m in the mood for some lovin.” Chloe groaned again as he began kissing her kneck. That was her weakness, and he knew it.
“Oh Lex! I’m not in the mood. I’m very tired. Not to mention I have to get up early and open up shop.”
“You can be late. I give you permission.” He said as he really got into her, by licking her kneck with his tongue. She let out a moan of pleausre and they headed to the bedroom to shack it up.
The next morning Chloe awoke very cranky, because of a certain husband, who couldn’t keep his mits off her.
“Morning sunshine.” Lex said cooly as he sipped his coffee.
“What’s so good about it?” She hissed as she poured herself a cup of coffee.
“Just the thought of seeing you in the morning.” He smiled.
“Yeah yeah we’ll do it again tonight.” Chloe said sarcastically.
“Hey whatever floats your boat. I’m late. I gotta get going. See ya this afternoon hotness.” Lex said as he kissed her goodbye. He made his exit for Luthorcorp, and Chloe made her exit for The Talon.

“Hey Chlo. How are you?” Chloe just let out a groan and walked behind the counter. She didn’t know that Lois was opening up.
“I didn’t know you were gonna be here today. I could’ve..” Chloe stopped in mid sentence, and thought that she shouldn’t be sharing sex stories with her cousin.
“Do an all nighter with Lex? Hey I’m just happy be here.”
“Those all nighters really ware me out. I’d have to drink coffee all day, just to do it with him.”
“I know the feeling. Me and Clark did that once, and,” Chloe cut her off.
“You can stop right there. I get it.” Lois grinned. Chloe began cleaning things around and saw some packets of medicine open on the counter, that were empty.
“Lois? What’s this?” Lois froze.
“Umm…”
“This is stuff that makes you go number 2 isn’t it?” Lois grinned and shrugged her shoulders. It became clear to Chloe who the culprit was.
“So you’re the one making Lex go to the bathroom all the time? What else does this stuff do?”
“Well.. it makes him really horny..” She grinned.
“That explains all the sex.. but that’s normal for us and,” Clark came in just in time to be exposed.
“She knows.” Lois said.
“Knows what?” Clark asked. He had no idea what she was talking about.
“About our “plan”. Lois said while quoting plan with her fingers.
“Ahh.. about that Chloe.. it was only a prank.”
“Still, that’s no reason to play a prank on your brother in law.” Chloe said as she reached for the coffee on the counter, and took a sip.
“No! That’s Lex’s cup!” Lois shouted.
“Great! Now I’m going to be going a lot! Thanks a lot Lois!” Chloe said as she slammed down the cup. Some of the coffee spilled out as she slammed it down. She stormed into the office to call Lex.

“Luthorcorp, this is Lex speaking.” Lex said as he spoke in the phone.
“Hey honey.”
“Hey babe. I’m looking forward to seeing you.” Lex growled seductively, making Chloe shiver with pleasure.
“Me too. Listen um..” Chloe thought twice about telling him Lois’ evil plan.
“What?”
“I love you.. and I wish I could be there with you in your office.. doing naughty things.” Lex laughed.
“Same here babe. But seriously, what did you want to tell me?”
“It was nothing. I’ll see you in a few hours. Love you.” She hung up before he could say goodbye.

Lunch time finally arrived and Chloe could tell that Lex was “excited” just by looking at his package.

“Hey honey.” He kissed her passionately, and dove his tongue into her mouth, touching hers.
“I have to go!” Stupid Lois! As Chloe thought as she rushed in the bathroom.
“What was that all about?” Lex asked himself.
“Hey Lois, the usual.” Lex yelled at her as he sat at a table. Lois gave Lex his coffee and watched him take the first sip. That’s right you sick bastard. That’s for spiking the punch at Clark’s birthday party. Jack ass. Lois thought as she watched him evilly.
“What?” He asked as he stare at her awkwardly.
“Nothing at all. Enjoy your coffee.” Sick bastard. She thought to herself as she went back behind the counter.
Chloe came out to sit next to Lex.

“I think I got what you have.” Chloe said.
“Oh? So it’s a virus? But that’s weird, I never get sick.”
“Well there’s a first time for everything.” Chloe shrugged. She felt bad for lieing to Lex. But this would be so much fun.
“It was so embarrassing today. I couldn’t hold it anymore during my meeting with the staff. I had to make up some excuse just to leave.” Chloe giggled.
“I had to excuse myself today too. I felt bad for leaving during our kiss.” She winked at him.
“There’s plenty where that came from.” He winked at her. Chloe started to rub her hands on his thigh, and went for the bulge in his pants. It was rock hard. Lex looked at her seductively.
“Yes?” He asked with a smile.
“Wanna go to the office?” She winked.
“How about the bedroom?
“But Lois & Clark live up there.”
“It’s my building.”

A few hours of love making Chloe and Lex took a break.

“Oh god! Lex! That was the best sex I’ve ever had.”
“What about our wedding night?” He growled as he kissed her kneck.
“Well that ranks number one. Did you learn new stuff?”
“You could say I improvised.”
“I wish we could do it over.” She said asking for more.
“Tonight. Just you and me.”
“I’ve never felt you that hard before. It must be the medicine.”
“What medicine?” Uh oh. Chloe was caught. What would he say if he found out Lois’ awful plan?

TBC

[Alizaleven]

LOL Sandy this is funny... Lois is such a trouble maker hehe.. Great part :)

[Sandy]

"I'd tell you, but I have to go to the bathroom first." Chloe grinned then rushed to the bathroom. Lex must've waited for hours. What was she doing in there? He went to check on her. He knocked on the door. "Chloe? What's taking so long?" She was just finishing up. "Can't a girl have some privacy!" She demanded as the sound of the toilet was being flushed. "Dammit!" He heard her say. "What's going on in there?" He asked. "The toilet's clogged." She grumbled as she plunged away. "Want me to help?" She open the door. His nose crinkled up. "You don't wanna know!" She slammed the door in his face. "Oh god!" He ran out of the room like he was being chased by a monster.

"Well look who's finally here." Lois chimed in. "Hi Lois." "We could hear you from down here." She winked. Lex's cheeks turned bright red. "Just kidding. I'm sure Chloe told you to keep quiet, not that you could ever keep quiet anyway." Lex grumbled some pretty harsh words. Chloe finally came down. "Uh Lois.. don't use the bathroom for the next couple of days." Lois rolled her eyes. "I knew it would back fire on me." She said to herself. "What?" Lex asked. "Nothing!" Chloe snuck behind the counter and poured Lois some coffee. "Have some coffee Lois. You deserve it. I'm sure Clark would too." She smiled evilly.

"Um, no thanks." She stammered. "What's the matter Lo? Take a sip. You won't feel a thing." Lois was beginning to sweat. "Evil Chloe." Lex mouthed the words. "Isn't this what you want? I'm sure Clark could use some lovin." She teased her as she put the coffee under her nose. The smell going into her nostrils. "Coffee." She moaned. Just the smell of it was making her excited. She took a sip, and then realized what she had done. "Oh no."

"That's right. Jokes on you Lois! How dare you do that to my Lex. Now you get just what you deserve. Just don't use the bathroom upstairs for a while." She winked as she and Lex exited the building.



"Nice one Chloe. You should be evil more often." He slapped her bottom playfully. "What can I say, you rub off on me." She slapped his bottom too.




"Dammit Chloe!" Lois yelled as she flushed the toilet.



The End.