alexajones22
17th June 2003, 09:29
Part 1: Totally, completely silly fic. Pokes fun at everyone, including me, so don't be offended.
***
"Hi, Chloe."
"Excuse me?"
"Hi, Chloe."
"I'm sorry, one more time?"
"I said, 'Hi, Chloe'?"
"Okay. I just wanted to make sure that you were talking to me."
"Why?"
"Well, you called me by my first name."
"So? That is your name, right?"
"Of course, it's just that when we first meet, we always have to convince each other to use our first names and then we never do."
"Oh. I forgot."
"It's okay, Lex."
"Wait, what did you just call me?"
"Lex?"
"Just making sure."
"Good, well, we got that convention out of the way."
"Yep. So, next you're going to tell me that you don't like coffee."
"Oh, no, I do. That's pretty much hard canon there."
"Oh. So, do you want to go out tomorrow?"
"What??!?"
"I was asking you out."
"I know, Lex! But you have to wait until some extraordinary circumstance pushes us together. Like a kidnapping or some supernatural phenomenon."
"Why? Why can't I just ask you out? I'm Lex Luthor and I always just do what I want."
"I know that, Lex. But that's the way it is, deal with it. It heightens the drama of the story and all that shit."
"Hmm."
"We hate each other anyway, you know."
"We do?"
"Yeah, you're really egotistical and irritating, and you totally get on my nerves and I have to play completely hard to get."
"Oh."
"And I'm too young for you, and blah blah. If we don't fight, the story is boring and the romantic payoff at the end isn't as good."
"True."
Suddenly, a Very Evil Kryptomutant appears, takes them, makes them drink disgusting green goo, and lets them go.
"So, Chloe, can we fight and then fall in love now?"
"Okay."
They do.
"Cool, so let's have sex."
"Here?"
"Yeah, what's wrong with here?"
"Lex, we're in your *bedroom*!"
"And? Isn't that a good place?"
"Well, yeah, but you know that we have to do it in some dark alley or on our way home from Metropolis in your car."
"For your first time?"
"Yes."
"Wouldn't you rather it be on a bed?"
"No, I don't want to seem too sappy in front of Lex Luthor."
"Good point. But, can we break convention just this once?"
"Alright, just this once."
They lie on the bed. Chloe starts to take off her shirt.
"No, don't!!"
"Why not?"
"Someone's going to walk in on us first. You might want to be dressed for that."
"How do you know?"
"Either Clark or my father always walk in on any moment where it's getting good and then the story will be continued in the next part."
Suddenly, Clark and Lionel burst through the door.
****
Part 2: Sorry for the wait guys! My keyboard letters rubbed off and I didn't know what I was typing for awhile!
"Yes, Chloe is here guys. You found her. And yes, Dad, I'm probably going to sleep with her. Can you go now?"
"Okay," they said and left.
"Now you can take off your clothes, Chloe."
She does.
"How come you're not wearing some sexy lingerie for me?"
"Well, I'm only 16 and it's kinda embarrassing to go shopping with my dad at Victoria's Secret. And that stuff is expensive, I don't have that kind of cash."
"Oh. Well, I guess that's okay."
"Good. I'm going to suck your 11 inch cock now, Lex. All the way down my throat."
"Whoa, hold on."
"What now?"
"First off, there's no way I'm 11 inches."
"Really?"
"Yes, really. That's so out of proportion for my body."
"Oh."
"Secondly, there's no way you as an inexperienced 16 year old girl could ever get me all the way in your throat."
"Really."
"Yeah, even Clark can't do that, if I truly were that big."
"Clark? He's not gay."
"Please, Chloe. Have you seen the way he looks at me?"
"Dammit, Lex, that's Clex, not Chlex. You're in the wrong shipping."
"Huh? You just said the same thing twice."
"It's spelled differently, though."
"Whoops. It gets so confusing sometimes, you know?"
"Yeah, tell me about it."
"Anyway, I'm just eagerly anticipating finally being able to pound into you so hard, so so hard like nothing you've ever never felt before."
"Actually, I'd really rather you didn't. That doesn't sound very pleasant for my first time, even if you're not 11 inches like I thought."
"Yeah, I guess I should've known that."
"But that's okay, you'll reach down and touch my clit every single time and send me spinning off into the best orgasm I've ever had."
"I will?"
"Won't you?"
"Probably not, most guys really aren't considerate enough to think of touching you during intercourse. You're on your own for that."
"Oh."
"But hey, I already have the most beautiful engagement ring ever ready for you and we're going to get married right away. So doesn't that make up for it?"
"It sure does! I love you so much, Lex."
"I love you too, Chloe."
***
"Hi, Chloe."
"Excuse me?"
"Hi, Chloe."
"I'm sorry, one more time?"
"I said, 'Hi, Chloe'?"
"Okay. I just wanted to make sure that you were talking to me."
"Why?"
"Well, you called me by my first name."
"So? That is your name, right?"
"Of course, it's just that when we first meet, we always have to convince each other to use our first names and then we never do."
"Oh. I forgot."
"It's okay, Lex."
"Wait, what did you just call me?"
"Lex?"
"Just making sure."
"Good, well, we got that convention out of the way."
"Yep. So, next you're going to tell me that you don't like coffee."
"Oh, no, I do. That's pretty much hard canon there."
"Oh. So, do you want to go out tomorrow?"
"What??!?"
"I was asking you out."
"I know, Lex! But you have to wait until some extraordinary circumstance pushes us together. Like a kidnapping or some supernatural phenomenon."
"Why? Why can't I just ask you out? I'm Lex Luthor and I always just do what I want."
"I know that, Lex. But that's the way it is, deal with it. It heightens the drama of the story and all that shit."
"Hmm."
"We hate each other anyway, you know."
"We do?"
"Yeah, you're really egotistical and irritating, and you totally get on my nerves and I have to play completely hard to get."
"Oh."
"And I'm too young for you, and blah blah. If we don't fight, the story is boring and the romantic payoff at the end isn't as good."
"True."
Suddenly, a Very Evil Kryptomutant appears, takes them, makes them drink disgusting green goo, and lets them go.
"So, Chloe, can we fight and then fall in love now?"
"Okay."
They do.
"Cool, so let's have sex."
"Here?"
"Yeah, what's wrong with here?"
"Lex, we're in your *bedroom*!"
"And? Isn't that a good place?"
"Well, yeah, but you know that we have to do it in some dark alley or on our way home from Metropolis in your car."
"For your first time?"
"Yes."
"Wouldn't you rather it be on a bed?"
"No, I don't want to seem too sappy in front of Lex Luthor."
"Good point. But, can we break convention just this once?"
"Alright, just this once."
They lie on the bed. Chloe starts to take off her shirt.
"No, don't!!"
"Why not?"
"Someone's going to walk in on us first. You might want to be dressed for that."
"How do you know?"
"Either Clark or my father always walk in on any moment where it's getting good and then the story will be continued in the next part."
Suddenly, Clark and Lionel burst through the door.
****
Part 2: Sorry for the wait guys! My keyboard letters rubbed off and I didn't know what I was typing for awhile!
"Yes, Chloe is here guys. You found her. And yes, Dad, I'm probably going to sleep with her. Can you go now?"
"Okay," they said and left.
"Now you can take off your clothes, Chloe."
She does.
"How come you're not wearing some sexy lingerie for me?"
"Well, I'm only 16 and it's kinda embarrassing to go shopping with my dad at Victoria's Secret. And that stuff is expensive, I don't have that kind of cash."
"Oh. Well, I guess that's okay."
"Good. I'm going to suck your 11 inch cock now, Lex. All the way down my throat."
"Whoa, hold on."
"What now?"
"First off, there's no way I'm 11 inches."
"Really?"
"Yes, really. That's so out of proportion for my body."
"Oh."
"Secondly, there's no way you as an inexperienced 16 year old girl could ever get me all the way in your throat."
"Really."
"Yeah, even Clark can't do that, if I truly were that big."
"Clark? He's not gay."
"Please, Chloe. Have you seen the way he looks at me?"
"Dammit, Lex, that's Clex, not Chlex. You're in the wrong shipping."
"Huh? You just said the same thing twice."
"It's spelled differently, though."
"Whoops. It gets so confusing sometimes, you know?"
"Yeah, tell me about it."
"Anyway, I'm just eagerly anticipating finally being able to pound into you so hard, so so hard like nothing you've ever never felt before."
"Actually, I'd really rather you didn't. That doesn't sound very pleasant for my first time, even if you're not 11 inches like I thought."
"Yeah, I guess I should've known that."
"But that's okay, you'll reach down and touch my clit every single time and send me spinning off into the best orgasm I've ever had."
"I will?"
"Won't you?"
"Probably not, most guys really aren't considerate enough to think of touching you during intercourse. You're on your own for that."
"Oh."
"But hey, I already have the most beautiful engagement ring ever ready for you and we're going to get married right away. So doesn't that make up for it?"
"It sure does! I love you so much, Lex."
"I love you too, Chloe."