Intimate Moments NC-17 complete

[Sandy]

Intimate moments
Summary: Lex and Chloe intimate moments
Rating: NC-17 for sexual content, and adult language
Disclaimers: I do not own Smallville or Chloe and Lex. *
Spoilers: None
Feedback: Yes please and I'll give you more smut.....
A/N: My second attempt at writing smut…lemme know what I need to work on.


Lex and Chloe were in a lip lock out on his balcony. Lex was laying in a beach chair. It was a warm summer night. The stars glimmered lighting up the sky. The moon gave off some light. The radio was going, and Chloe and Lex were making out.


A thrust sent into Chloe’s channel made her gasp in his arms. Lex smiled seductively at the pleasure he was giving her.


Lex’s tongue washed through her mouth. Over her teeth, on the roof of her mouth, tongue to tongue. Chloe didn’t mind a good tongue bath every now and then. She loved the feel of his tongue on hers.


“Lex! Prove to me your love!” Chloe gasped as the song played. Lex snickered.

“Why Chloe, are you challenging me?” Another thrust deep into her. Chloe moaned and Lex did too.



“Harder!” Chloe wailed.


Another thrust and another kiss. Lex pushed as deep into as he possibly could. He sat up straight and they rocked back and forth. Chloe was screaming like a maniac. Lex had a huge grin on his face.


“Lex!” Chloe screamed his name as the orgasm hit her. Her come seeping into his.


“Lex! Let me!” She begged. Lex was breathing heavily as well as Chloe.



Chloe took his penis in her hands and began to stroke it. It was really wet


Lex moaned in pleasure. Chloe took her finger and lightly brushed it on the tip of the head. Lex squirmed in his chair. The pleasure was just too much for him.

“Chloe!”

“Oh don’t tell me you’re going to come.” She said happily. He let out a groan and the clear come seeped out of him, onto Chloe’s hands.


Chloe had a huge smile on her face, from her great success. She continued to play with his penis.


“Chloe.” Lex panted at her mercy. Chloe smiled as she continued to play with his balls. She lightly ran her fingers over them. Lex yelped as he jerked away from her.


“Harder!” Lex begged. Chloe squeezed his quivering member as hard as she could. Lex moaned loudly and that was music to her ears. The pleasure was washing over him, like the waves of an ocean. He was so tense he kept backing up.

“god Chloe! I’m going to come again!” He confessed. He could feel the hot come with in him, ready to seep out.

Chloe squeezed him harder making the come, come splashing out. He moaned louder this time, practically screaming her name.

“You’re mine!” He said furiously as he switched places with her and spread her legs.

“Spread em!” Chloe giggled as she spread them wider for him, so he could enter into her. He slid his member deep in her channel cause her to gasp. He began pushing harder and harder.

“Yes! Oh yes!” Chloe breathed out in excitement.

“Come for me Chloe.” He demanded as he thrust into her harder. He kissed her as hard as he could. Lex rocked into her making her scream.

“LEX!” She screamed as loud as she could and began sobbing from his thrusting. She gripped onto his back with all her might.

“Come for me baby.” He said as he placed a gentle kiss on her lips. He began stroking her hair. Chloe felt the pleasure wash over her. From the tip of her head, to the tip of her feet. Her stomach muscles clenched to the tension that surrounded her coming arousal.

“Gah!” They both comed into each other. Lex stopped pushing and just rested on top of her, gasping for air. Chloe looked at him in the eyes. Both happy and content in what each of them had to offer. Lex kissed her softly feeling her tongue.

“I love you baby.”

“I love you Lex.” She said above a whisper.

[Ferd]

Sandy-- I commend you for being so tenacious with your pursuit to write adult fiction. It is a genre that requires a certain amount of comfort with the material in order to present it in a manner that 'works.' I've seen in some of your other posts that you are a bit intimidated by tackling such intimate subject matter, so I have to say that it's admirable that you are sticking with it, and not giving up.

All of us as writers learn as we go, and get better as we go as well. The best advice I can give is keep going, keep trying, and don't give up. Read all that you can get your hands on, think about why you like certain stories that you do. Start small, and try to master a scene sentence by sentence. Don't try to run before you can crawl--meaning don't try to have a sexual marathon during your first real smut scene. Simple intercourse if done correctly can be much more sensual than an oral fest and five different positions. Write what you want to read, and others will want to, too.

As far as general writing advice, it may not be a bad idea to bounce your work off of a beta. I think you may benefit from exploring the realm of more complex sentences, instead of simple single thought sentences.

When telling a story you should always show and not tell. Meaning it's more ideal to say "The sun has yet to rise to greet the new day..." versus "The clock reads 5:30 a.m."

The best piece of advice I can give is what I use myself, which is "Write the sunset." I take that to mean paint your readers a picture. Make it seem as though they are not reading, but escaping. Draw them into your world with your words, make it so they have to see what you are wanting them to see.

You are on the right track. :D Keep it up. Keep writing, keep exploring, keep trying new things. Trust me, it will get easier, and you will find a style that is your own.

I'm eager to see more from you in the future. :)

[hfce]

I so agree with Jennifer. You have potential for smut but not there quite yet. I know you can soar once you get it. I love the smut but I know it can be way better. I suggest you get together with Ferd she sounds like a beta you could work with. :)



Hope ;)

[Zannie]

Sandy, this is a lot better than your earlier scenes, so you're definitely making progress. There are more sensory details in this one and the scenario itself is more plausible.

As I told you over PM, and as Ferd mentioned, it's best not to be overly ambitious at first. It's wiser to start with simpler scenes. I would suggest that, for your next attempt, you write a scene that's just simple intercourse--only one orgasm for each of them. See if you can develop a well-developed scene in that way, concentrating on how to make it convincing and erotic. Focus on how Chloe feels as Lex is making love to her and try to give us enough details so that we can experience it with her. The sexiest smut doesn't necessarily have a lot of orgasms, and I think the way you show Lex's climaxes here is a little bit unrealistic.

I agree with nearly all that Ferd said, particularly regarding your overuse of very simple sentences.


Lex and Chloe were in a lip lock out on his balcony. Lex was laying in a beach chair. It was a warm summer night. The stars glimmered lighting up the sky. The moon gave off some light. The radio was going, and Chloe and Lex were making out.

This was your first paragraph. It's written entirely in very short, simple sentences, which makes it rather choppy. Notice how much smoother it would be by combining sentences and using some transitions. (I also think you need to add a few details to complete the scene.)


Lex and Chloe were in a lip lock out on his balcony, Lex lying on a beach chair and Chloe on top of him. It was a warm summer night; the stars glimmered, lighting up the sky, and the moon gave off some light. The radio was going (maybe mention what kind of music), and Chloe and Lex were making out.

The only thing I would qualify about Ferd's advice is this:


When telling a story you should always show and not tell. Meaning it's more ideal to say "The sun has yet to rise to greet the new day..." versus "The clock reads 5:30 a.m."

She's absolutely right that it's usually better to show than tell (let reader's see the scene rather than just telling them what happened). But I actually think that trying too hard to write like the first sentence (about the sun having yet to rise) can cause some stilted, overly flowery writing. You don't have to try too hard to write beautifully or poetically. Simple, clear writing is sometimes more effective than flowery language. Definitely try to paint a scene for the readers, but I wouldn't suggest you try on purpose to write poetically.

Keep working on it, Sandy. And it definitely wouldn't be a bad idea to try to find a beta, who could work on some of these things with you more closely.

[Ferd]

I actually think that trying too hard to write like the first sentence (about the sun having yet to rise) can cause some stilted, overly flowery writing. You don't have to try too hard to write beautifully or poetically. Simple, clear writing is sometimes more effective than flowery language. Definitely try to paint a scene for the readers, but I wouldn't suggest you try on purpose to write poetically.


I agree. You have to find your own style. Read Jane Austen and Hemmingway and you'll see without a doubt that authors have very, very different ways to present material and tell a story. Don't try to emulate someone else, or try to write above your vocabulary or knowledge. Think of that episode of Joey on Friends with the thesaurus, to see him using some of those 10 cent words was hilarous, but oh so wrong. If you concentrate too much on the language and not on the scene, you will get tangled up in the words. It's important to make your sentences flow, and have them readable. But that doesn't mean they have to be written on a basic level, or like a Shakespeare sonnet. Find your own voice, and write from your heart, however your mind and fingers translate it into words.

The sun example I gave was to illustrate how you can show over tell. So many fics I read start out by giving an inventory of the room or scene taking place. Lex is on a blue chair. The clock reads 6:15. It's hot outside. Chloe is wearing a bright green gown. They are kissing.

The same information can be delivered in a manner much more concise, less telling, by simply implementing some imagery. 'The humidity still looms despite the vanishing sun, making Chloe's chartreuse gown cling to her warm skin as beads of perspiration drip down her breasts. Lex's fingers explore her, the plush chair embracing them as they share a summer's kiss.'

There's just two examples of how you can relay the same information of: Time of day, temperature, clothing, and action. I'm sure all the other writers here could do it in an entirely different ways. That's not to say one is right or wrong, they are just different. You have to find your own personal brand of uniqueness. :)

I hope you can see what I'm trying to say. Give us the information, but don't spoon feed us it. Present it in an appetizing way that makes us want to devour it ourselves, instead of tiny, simple nibbles that feel clunky to read.

Hang in there, and keep writing. :) I for one, will be here to read it.

[Sandy]

'The humidity still looms despite the vanishing sun, making Chloe's chartreuse gown cling to her warm skin as beads of perspiration drip down her breasts. Lex's fingers explore her, the plush chair embracing them as they share a summer's kiss.'

How do you do that?! :confused: Thanks for the encouragement guys...I still embarrassed..I don't know what to say...I guess I'll get that beta..and keep practicing. I'll use this thread for practice. I just hope you guys read it to help me a long. :)

[Zannie]

The sun example I gave was to illustrate how you can show over tell. So many fics I read start out by giving an inventory of the room or scene taking place. Lex is on a blue chair. The clock reads 6:15. It's hot outside. Chloe is wearing a bright green gown. They are kissing.

The same information can be delivered in a manner much more concise, less telling, by simply implementing some imagery. 'The humidity still looms despite the vanishing sun, making Chloe's chartreuse gown cling to her warm skin as beads of perspiration drip down her breasts. Lex's fingers explore her, the plush chair embracing them as they share a summer's kiss.'

I understand what you were suggesting to Sandy, Ferd, and I wholly agree with it. Painting a picture with words is usually a much more effective way to bring readers into a scene than simply telling them the situation. I just wanted to qualify it for Sandy because your example could be read (unintentionally) as referring to style rather than technique--presenting the same details in a "prettier" way. I know that's not what you meant, but I wanted to make sure Sandy didn't think she had to use flowery language in order to do what you suggested. After years of teaching writing, I've found that people who intentionally try to write "beautiful" language usually end up writing worse than they would have if they'd used more natural language, so I didn't want Sandy to think she needed to do that to improve her writing. Some people eventually develop a fairly ornate style, but people who try to write that way self-consciously usually don't end up writing as well as they otherwise would.

Sandy, what Ferd is suggesting, I think, is what I would suggest as well. There is nothing wrong with using the word "hot." But instead of simply saying it's hot outside, you could say someone is sweating. And instead of just saying they're sitting in a chair, you could mention the chair as you describe a particular action (stretching, shifting uncomfortably, clenching one's hands, etc.). As Ferd explained, this is how you can show us the scene rather than just telling us what's going on.


Thanks for the encouragement guys...I still embarrassed..I don't know what to say...I guess I'll get that beta..and keep practicing. I'll use this thread for practice. I just hope you guys read it to help me a long.

That sounds like a great plan, Sandy. I hope you actually want these kinds of suggestions. Sometimes it's hard to know when writers actually want constructive criticism, which leads to most people never giving it to anyone. Just let us know if we're bombarding you with too many suggestions. And keep working on it. That's the only way anyone has ever become a good writer.

[Sandy]

I get what you guys are saying...I think I have an example...

Sweat was cascading off of Lex's bare legs. He shifted in the lawn chair that was hugging his skin from the sweat.

How was that??? I normally don't like constructive critisim, but I would like to tackle this.

[hfce]

I get what you guys are saying...I think I have an example...

Sweat was cascading off of Lex's bare legs. He shifted in the lawn chair that was hugging his skin from the sweat.

How was that??? I normally don't like constructive critisim, but I would like to tackle this.


Sandy I am glad you don't mind us giving suggestions. I know there are times its not really wanted. I am happy you are open to it.

That part you wrote is a good start. I can clearly see the sweat going down his leg and him sticking to the furniture. It was enough but not over board. :)

[Sandy]

Thank you Hope. I think I know where to start now. Small little sentences. I would write more, but I can't concentrate from reading smut...ahem....:D

Edit

I wrote this last night. I had bought some ice cream yesterday, and wanted to use it..When I first wrote it, I read it over, I rewrote it. I was writing it in my notebook. Here's what I came up with...ahem..

First draft...

The ice cream began trickling down the curves of Chloe's hand. Lex watched eagerly as she started lapping the wet substance, like a cat lapping its water. The bulge in Lex's pants tighten, as Chloe's tongue licked off the white cream.

Rewrite...

The hot rays of the sun heated Chloe's ice cream, causing the ice cream to trickle down the curves of her hand. Chloe gracefully lapped her hand with her tongue, glidding it up where the trickled path was forming. Lex watched in anticipation as the bulge in his pants tighten with desire. With each lick of her tongue Lex fisted his hand as his cock twitched with delight. His eyes beaming with blue desire.

Ahem....I came up with blue desire,...it's mine! Hehe...How was that? I was adding things in, and I couldn't help myself.

[Ann]

Much better! I'm really liking this fic. More please. :)

[hfce]

Thank you Hope. I think I know where to start now. Small little sentences. I would write more, but I can't concentrate from reading smut...ahem....:D

Edit

I wrote this last night. I had bought some ice cream yesterday, and wanted to use it..When I first wrote it, I read it over, I rewrote it. I was writing it in my notebook. Here's what I came up with...ahem..

First draft...

The ice cream began trickling down the curves of Chloe's hand. Lex watched eagerly as she started lapping the wet substance, like a cat lapping its water. The bulge in Lex's pants tighten, as Chloe's tongue licked off the white cream.

Rewrite...

The hot rays of the sun heated Chloe's ice cream, causing the ice cream to trickle down the curves of her hand. Chloe gracefully lapped her hand with her tongue, glidding it up where the trickled path was forming. Lex watched in anticipation as the bulge in his pants tighten with desire. With each lick of her tongue Lex fisted his hand as his cock twitched with delight. His eyes beaming with blue desire.

Ahem....I came up with blue desire,...it's mine! Hehe...How was that? I was adding things in, and I couldn't help myself.


Much better I like it. :D

[Sandy]

Thank you Hope. :)

[Ferd]

Yes, Sandy, I can tell you are really working hard to improve your writing. Great job! :)

[starmoon]

very interesting and intense start and pretty good for someone just starting. think of it this way the more you write the better you will get at it. keep up the good work and please update soon i can't wait for more.

[kitten]

Hi Sandy,

I know this was an early attempt at smut for you, and I'm not sure you still come here or not. However, I think you had the tone of Chlex right, the desire to be with each other and also to compete and playfully boss each other. The point of their relationship in whatever form will always be to bounce off each other in clever ways, and you captured that in their dialogue.