DawnieAngel
7th May 2003, 23:21
Title: Everyone Leaves.
Rating PG I suppose.
Authors Notes Okay this is a short, quite dark piece, of not what I necessarily think IS Chloe's view of the world but what she MAY be thinking
Everyone leaves me. There's always something or someone else out here for them. Something or Someone better than me. It started with my mum. Took her five years to realise, but when she did, she didn't stick around. I'm sure she'd give me some reason as to why she left, say it wasn't me, but I know the truth. If I can't cope with looking in the mirror at myself every morning how could she face seeing me every day?
Then there was my dad, sure to the outside world it would seem he was the only person who's really stuck around to be with me, but just cause he's physically here it doesn't mean he really is. He throws himself into his work, coping mechanism I suppose. He told me once that I reminded him of my mother. I was young at the time, took it as a compliment, but looking back it was his way of telling me why he didn't get too close. Afterall who wants second best? I may of reminded him of her but I would never be my mother.
Then there's Clark. I really thought I loved him. But it wasn't about love, not for him anyway. It was about someone seemingly caring for me, but once again it was a case of someone better. Lana Lang to be precise. He mooned over her every opportunity. Not even caring enough about me to hide it. Maybe I’m being cynical, maybe he just really was clueless to my feelings and the way it hurt me everytime I saw that look in his eyes directed at someone else, I doubt it though.
Everyone thinks I’m such a good friend, that they can come running back to me at any time and I'll fall to their beck and call. They think I'm such a wonderful person, what they don't realise is it's all from selfish means. I'm so worried that if I show someone that they've hurt me, or hold a grudge, or don't do what they ask. They'll leave me. They'll realise they can do so much better, in a friend, in a lover, in a daughter.
People eventually always do.
It doesn't surprise me when people leave me. I've come to accept it. If I could leave me I would so why should I deny them the option, but it hurts. Each day I look at the people in my life and watch to see who is going to leave me next. I try so hard to be perfect for everyone. Bubbly Chloe Sullivan, big smile, no worries. Doesn't care about other peoples opinions of her. But it's all I lie. I do care, I care more than anything. I want people to love me, to want to be around me. I want to be the person they want me to be, and I try, I do. But it's not enough, It's never enough.
So here I am. Staring in the mirror at this face I despise, at this person I despise. The startling white dress reminding me this is meant to be the happiest day of my life. By the end of this day I will have married to the man I love more than anything. So I listen for my cue and begin walking down the isle. A smile plastered on my face as I get ready to become Mrs. Lex Luthor but behind my bright smile there's the question which is always there, always buried in my mind.
"How long till he realises there's someone better?"
Rating PG I suppose.
Authors Notes Okay this is a short, quite dark piece, of not what I necessarily think IS Chloe's view of the world but what she MAY be thinking
Everyone leaves me. There's always something or someone else out here for them. Something or Someone better than me. It started with my mum. Took her five years to realise, but when she did, she didn't stick around. I'm sure she'd give me some reason as to why she left, say it wasn't me, but I know the truth. If I can't cope with looking in the mirror at myself every morning how could she face seeing me every day?
Then there was my dad, sure to the outside world it would seem he was the only person who's really stuck around to be with me, but just cause he's physically here it doesn't mean he really is. He throws himself into his work, coping mechanism I suppose. He told me once that I reminded him of my mother. I was young at the time, took it as a compliment, but looking back it was his way of telling me why he didn't get too close. Afterall who wants second best? I may of reminded him of her but I would never be my mother.
Then there's Clark. I really thought I loved him. But it wasn't about love, not for him anyway. It was about someone seemingly caring for me, but once again it was a case of someone better. Lana Lang to be precise. He mooned over her every opportunity. Not even caring enough about me to hide it. Maybe I’m being cynical, maybe he just really was clueless to my feelings and the way it hurt me everytime I saw that look in his eyes directed at someone else, I doubt it though.
Everyone thinks I’m such a good friend, that they can come running back to me at any time and I'll fall to their beck and call. They think I'm such a wonderful person, what they don't realise is it's all from selfish means. I'm so worried that if I show someone that they've hurt me, or hold a grudge, or don't do what they ask. They'll leave me. They'll realise they can do so much better, in a friend, in a lover, in a daughter.
People eventually always do.
It doesn't surprise me when people leave me. I've come to accept it. If I could leave me I would so why should I deny them the option, but it hurts. Each day I look at the people in my life and watch to see who is going to leave me next. I try so hard to be perfect for everyone. Bubbly Chloe Sullivan, big smile, no worries. Doesn't care about other peoples opinions of her. But it's all I lie. I do care, I care more than anything. I want people to love me, to want to be around me. I want to be the person they want me to be, and I try, I do. But it's not enough, It's never enough.
So here I am. Staring in the mirror at this face I despise, at this person I despise. The startling white dress reminding me this is meant to be the happiest day of my life. By the end of this day I will have married to the man I love more than anything. So I listen for my cue and begin walking down the isle. A smile plastered on my face as I get ready to become Mrs. Lex Luthor but behind my bright smile there's the question which is always there, always buried in my mind.
"How long till he realises there's someone better?"