PMD
29th April 2005, 03:05
Here's a very special piece, near and dear to my heart. Enjoy.
Title: "Why"
Author: PMD
e-mail: mary.davidson@sympatico.ca
Rating: PG-13/R - T/M (for language)
Category: Chlex, slightly angsy, homage to 24's season finale, Lex's POV, AU
Spoilers: Anything up to Exodus and speculation beyond for Smallville. For 24, that would be the 24th hour of season 2.
Summary: Maybe it's better not to know why?
Disclaimer: To whomever owns Smallville, the characters, the situation from the series 24, Hannibal Lector, Mata Hari, the song lyrics, Hands, and the singer Jewel, I'm just borrowing, will give them back, not making any money with their use in this story, so don't sue me.
Archive: Exclusive to TBT, SPP, N.S. Forums, and Malu's site.
Feedback: Yes I would love feedback.
WARNING: KLEENEX SHOULD BE HANDY!
Author Notes: This is a birthday present to a very special friend. And to a wonderful ending to a great show, 24. That scene where Kate went in to talk to her sister---it was chilling. And when a friend told me about that look of evil Helen had on her face in the season finale, it flashed me back to Kate's sister. So, the scene is represented here, Smallville style. I want to thank David for looking this piece over. And to Kris---who got a peek at most of it---and loved the slight touch of humor in it. And to Sabby who suggested a couple of improvements. These people and all of you guys just prove that romantic love is great but friendship love is just as important. Enjoy and please have Kleenex beside you---the song alone will have you crying. This was a difficult story to write---damn emotional---but it had to come out.
"Why" - by PMD
Why? Why did she do it? Did she hate me? Did she loathe me so much to do this? Did she ever love me, like I tried to love her? Was it for money, revenge, or something else that she tried to kill me?
These thoughts rage in my mind, trying to gain some understanding as to why the woman I thought I loved, tried to kill me.
I stand outside the door to her room, wondering if I want to know the answers or not. Yes, you do. You have to---in order to save your heart and not have it harden forever---in order to move on.
The orderly opens it for me and I notice how sparse the room is---then I notice her behind a glass window. I turn to him.
"She's dangerous---to herself and others," he states.
I turn back and see a shell of a woman. I move closer, shuddering. I have never shuddered before in my life but the look in her eyes frightens me. It's hard to describe with the mind but the heart carries on---it's cold, distant, evil, dead. She's dead inside. Unlike Hannibal Lector, who still had a crazy passion inside of himself---she's lifeless.
"I'll be outside," the orderly says. The clanging of the door is the only sound I hear---unless you count my heart.
I stand there, staring at her. She looks straight at me and it's like I'm not there. Or at least I think so until a wicked leer appears on her face and she speaks: "Lex---how nice of you to come visit me."
In normal times, that would have been polite. But now, it's creepy. It's like nothing has happened---the plane never went down, that she's here for a spa treatment, not in an institution to regain her sanity---if that is possible. It makes me cringe. What do I say to it---thank you for having me here?
"Cat got your tongue, Lex?" she retorts, when she gets no answer. "Your mother didn't teach you manners, did she?"
Helen, do not bring my mother into this! I feel the anger rise.
"Or maybe it was your father who should have taught you better."
My father---please!
She smirks at me and looks away. Now is the time to ask her the question: "Why?"
She looks back. "Why, what?"
"Why did you try to kill me? Was it revenge, money, what?"
She leers at me again. "Oh, wouldn't you like to know?"
I walk towards the window. "Yes---tell me!"
"Ah---the petulant child appears. Well, I'm not going to tell you anything. Live with it---or maybe die with it!"
"What do you mean, die with it?" I rage.
She gets up and moves closer to the window. I stare into two black, lifeless orbs. "You're still in danger, Lex!" Then she backs away. "You can't be saved---you will be like me someday---and I will celebrate that day. The day that the future Lex Luthor kills off the present one."
"That's not going to happen!"
I turn to see a petite blonde standing in the doorway. She walks in, the door softly shutting behind her. She walks over, giving me a slight smile. Then she turns her attention to Helen.
"Hello, Dr. Doom. I see that they gave you the deluxe suite."
"Ever the woman who thinks she can out quip me, Ms. Sullivan?"
"Yep---I can out verbal judo, out-think, out-maneuver you any day of the week. After all, who's behind the glass wall, for the rest of her life?" she asks, with a smirk.
Helen gives her a leer and goes to sit down.
"Wow, I've struck her speechless, Lex."
Helen lets out a snort. "I don't speak to children."
"That's good----wouldn't want you to corrupt them, would we?" Chloe snarls.
Helen glares at her and me.
"Helen, answer my question!" I state, getting back on track.
"She can't, Lex."
I turn to look at Chloe. "Why not?"
"Because if she does, whatever hatred she holds onto in regards to you and your family will disappear. Then she'll have nothing to keep her going---she may as well die. And she doesn't want to do that. She---"
"I want to be around to see you fall!" Helen states.
Chloe walks up to the window and growls at her, reminding me of myself. "You won't destroy him---nobody will!"
"You think you can save him?"
"Yes---with the help of friends, I can."
"What friends? Clark---didn't he go away? Peter---he hates Lex as much as I do. Lana----she's a pathetic weakling. Mr. and Mrs. Kent---don't they have something more important on their minds---like the loss of a child---no, make that two. Wait---that's right---only one---Clark---"
"---isn't their biological son but he's still their child!" I retort.
"Oh, it's so much more than that. And I will take great pleasure in not telling you all, Lex. Just to see your face when you find out the truth about your little friend, Clark Kent," she exultes, her eyes burning with an intense combination of anger and glee.
I stare at this evil before me. I thought my father was bad but she makes him look like an angel.
"I don't care about finding out the truth about him anymore, Helen. You've cured me of that, by almost killing me and pretending you loved me. When the time comes and he tells us, I will try to understand and be his friend still. There might be anger but I won't reject him, ever."
I feel Chloe move towards me, putting a hand on my arm. "We both will wait for him to tell us."
"Ah, but didn't Lionel hire you to find out things about Clark?" Helen asks.
"He did, I accepted, but only to find out why he's doing it and protect Clark in the process."
I turn to look at her. "Mata Hari Sullivan, I presume."
She bows her head and looks up again. "At your service."
I smile at her. "Need help?"
"Maybe," she states, placing her tiny hand in mine and giving it a squeeze. She leans up and whispers, "Are you okay?"
I lean closer and whisper, "Now that you are here, I am."
"Oh please---don't tell me you've fallen for the great Lex Luthor---he'll break your heart!"
She turns her attention back to Helen and is about to speak when I beat her to the punch:
"No---I've fallen for her. And I hope she never breaks my heart."
And it's the truth---I have fallen for her---maybe even before my love life went down in flames.
Helen sneers and I feel her hand leave mine. Maybe she will break my heart, I think as I feel her touch leave me. I turn and see she is standing there, her arms open, welcoming me into her haven of love. God, I swear, if anybody ever hurts her, they will have to deal with me.
I walk into them and feel her strength and determination to protect me too. She doesn't have to say it---I know instinctively---she loves me too.
"God, that is so disgusting. Leave!"
We back away to see a woman whose face is raw evil. Never have I seen a look so vile or dangerous---even from my father. I pull Chloe close to me, protecting her as best I can but she will have nothing of it.
"Hey---are you jealous, Helen?"
"What?" she asks, surprised.
"Are you jealous that you will never have this. That he loves me for all of me---not just my looks or caustic charm. He likes that I'm not perfect and he doesn't try to change me---as I will never try to change him. You don't know what love is, Bitch. You only know hatred and loathing. He will know love and caring--from others and me. I should hate you for what you did to him but I can't---I pity you. You will die a lonely and bitter woman. Come on, Lex, let's get out of here before she lowers me to her level---more."
"Just one thing, before we go," I state.
She turns to look at me and nods her understanding.
I turn to Helen. "Thank you for trying to kill me because I've been reborn. You say I will turn evil like you---I never will because I've got a support system now---and love is stronger than hatred. I pity you because you will never enjoy the feeling that somebody depends on you, as much as you depend on them; that you will never see a sunrise so beautiful because you are sharing it with that one person that was meant for you. And you are accepted for all that is bad and good in you. Goodbye, Helen. Have a nice, crazy, existence."
With that, I turn to Chloe and make my way to her lips, kissing them gently. I back away and whisper to her, "I love you."
"I know---I feel the same way. Shall we go?"
I nod and we leave the room, hand in hand.
As we make our way down the corridor, I hear her humming a tune that's familiar. "What's that you're humming?"
She looks up at me. "Hands."
"Jewel?" I ask. She nods her head. "Sing it for me---I need to be uplifted."
"For you, honey, I'd have the woman sing it herself. But since she's not around---"
She leads me towards the outside with her singing:
"If I could tell the world just one thing
It would be that we're all OK
And not to worry 'cause worry is wasteful
And useless in times like these
I won't be made useless
I won't be idle with despair
I will gather myself around my faith
For light does the darkness most fear
My hands are small, I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
But they're not yours, they are my own
And I am never broken
Poverty stole your golden shoes
It didn't steal your laughter
And heartache came to visit me
But I knew it wasn't ever after
We'll fight, not out of spite
For someone must stand up for what's right
'Cause where there's a man who has no voice
There ours shall go singing
My hands are small I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
But they're not yours, they are my own
I am never broken
In the end only kindness matters
In the end only kindness matters
I will get down on my knees, and I will pray
I will get down on my knees, and I will pray
I will get down on my knees, and I will pray
My hands are small I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
But they're not yours, they are my own
And I am never broken
My hands are small I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
But they're not yours, they are my own
And I am never broken
We are never broken
We are God's eyes
God's hands
God's mind
We are God's eyes
God's hands
God's heart
We are God's eyes
God's hands
God's eyes
We are God's hands
We are God's hands"
And as her singing fades and we walk out the front door, I notice the air---crisp and clean. The sun is shining brightly in the bluest sky I've ever seen. And I hear the shouts and look to see them standing there---all the people whom Helen said would never be there for me---including Clark.
"Surprise!" Chloe states.
"I am reborn, aren't I?" I ask her.
"We all are after what's happened. Come on---let's go celebrate rebirth and her not answering your question."
I give her a grin and pull her in for a hug. "Yes, let's go celebrate---but more importantly---"
She pulls back and looks into my eyes, an understanding in hers---she can read me so well. "Yes---let's go help them through the grief of losing their unborn child, while celebrating the return of the prodigal son," she replies, a tear falling down her cheek.
I brush it away. The words abandon me when I need them most---after all, I know the pain of a mother losing a child. So while we celebrate rebirth and Helen never answering the question, 'Why', we also will help our friends through the greatest loss a parent can face, the loss of a child.
The End.
Title: "Why"
Author: PMD
e-mail: mary.davidson@sympatico.ca
Rating: PG-13/R - T/M (for language)
Category: Chlex, slightly angsy, homage to 24's season finale, Lex's POV, AU
Spoilers: Anything up to Exodus and speculation beyond for Smallville. For 24, that would be the 24th hour of season 2.
Summary: Maybe it's better not to know why?
Disclaimer: To whomever owns Smallville, the characters, the situation from the series 24, Hannibal Lector, Mata Hari, the song lyrics, Hands, and the singer Jewel, I'm just borrowing, will give them back, not making any money with their use in this story, so don't sue me.
Archive: Exclusive to TBT, SPP, N.S. Forums, and Malu's site.
Feedback: Yes I would love feedback.
WARNING: KLEENEX SHOULD BE HANDY!
Author Notes: This is a birthday present to a very special friend. And to a wonderful ending to a great show, 24. That scene where Kate went in to talk to her sister---it was chilling. And when a friend told me about that look of evil Helen had on her face in the season finale, it flashed me back to Kate's sister. So, the scene is represented here, Smallville style. I want to thank David for looking this piece over. And to Kris---who got a peek at most of it---and loved the slight touch of humor in it. And to Sabby who suggested a couple of improvements. These people and all of you guys just prove that romantic love is great but friendship love is just as important. Enjoy and please have Kleenex beside you---the song alone will have you crying. This was a difficult story to write---damn emotional---but it had to come out.
"Why" - by PMD
Why? Why did she do it? Did she hate me? Did she loathe me so much to do this? Did she ever love me, like I tried to love her? Was it for money, revenge, or something else that she tried to kill me?
These thoughts rage in my mind, trying to gain some understanding as to why the woman I thought I loved, tried to kill me.
I stand outside the door to her room, wondering if I want to know the answers or not. Yes, you do. You have to---in order to save your heart and not have it harden forever---in order to move on.
The orderly opens it for me and I notice how sparse the room is---then I notice her behind a glass window. I turn to him.
"She's dangerous---to herself and others," he states.
I turn back and see a shell of a woman. I move closer, shuddering. I have never shuddered before in my life but the look in her eyes frightens me. It's hard to describe with the mind but the heart carries on---it's cold, distant, evil, dead. She's dead inside. Unlike Hannibal Lector, who still had a crazy passion inside of himself---she's lifeless.
"I'll be outside," the orderly says. The clanging of the door is the only sound I hear---unless you count my heart.
I stand there, staring at her. She looks straight at me and it's like I'm not there. Or at least I think so until a wicked leer appears on her face and she speaks: "Lex---how nice of you to come visit me."
In normal times, that would have been polite. But now, it's creepy. It's like nothing has happened---the plane never went down, that she's here for a spa treatment, not in an institution to regain her sanity---if that is possible. It makes me cringe. What do I say to it---thank you for having me here?
"Cat got your tongue, Lex?" she retorts, when she gets no answer. "Your mother didn't teach you manners, did she?"
Helen, do not bring my mother into this! I feel the anger rise.
"Or maybe it was your father who should have taught you better."
My father---please!
She smirks at me and looks away. Now is the time to ask her the question: "Why?"
She looks back. "Why, what?"
"Why did you try to kill me? Was it revenge, money, what?"
She leers at me again. "Oh, wouldn't you like to know?"
I walk towards the window. "Yes---tell me!"
"Ah---the petulant child appears. Well, I'm not going to tell you anything. Live with it---or maybe die with it!"
"What do you mean, die with it?" I rage.
She gets up and moves closer to the window. I stare into two black, lifeless orbs. "You're still in danger, Lex!" Then she backs away. "You can't be saved---you will be like me someday---and I will celebrate that day. The day that the future Lex Luthor kills off the present one."
"That's not going to happen!"
I turn to see a petite blonde standing in the doorway. She walks in, the door softly shutting behind her. She walks over, giving me a slight smile. Then she turns her attention to Helen.
"Hello, Dr. Doom. I see that they gave you the deluxe suite."
"Ever the woman who thinks she can out quip me, Ms. Sullivan?"
"Yep---I can out verbal judo, out-think, out-maneuver you any day of the week. After all, who's behind the glass wall, for the rest of her life?" she asks, with a smirk.
Helen gives her a leer and goes to sit down.
"Wow, I've struck her speechless, Lex."
Helen lets out a snort. "I don't speak to children."
"That's good----wouldn't want you to corrupt them, would we?" Chloe snarls.
Helen glares at her and me.
"Helen, answer my question!" I state, getting back on track.
"She can't, Lex."
I turn to look at Chloe. "Why not?"
"Because if she does, whatever hatred she holds onto in regards to you and your family will disappear. Then she'll have nothing to keep her going---she may as well die. And she doesn't want to do that. She---"
"I want to be around to see you fall!" Helen states.
Chloe walks up to the window and growls at her, reminding me of myself. "You won't destroy him---nobody will!"
"You think you can save him?"
"Yes---with the help of friends, I can."
"What friends? Clark---didn't he go away? Peter---he hates Lex as much as I do. Lana----she's a pathetic weakling. Mr. and Mrs. Kent---don't they have something more important on their minds---like the loss of a child---no, make that two. Wait---that's right---only one---Clark---"
"---isn't their biological son but he's still their child!" I retort.
"Oh, it's so much more than that. And I will take great pleasure in not telling you all, Lex. Just to see your face when you find out the truth about your little friend, Clark Kent," she exultes, her eyes burning with an intense combination of anger and glee.
I stare at this evil before me. I thought my father was bad but she makes him look like an angel.
"I don't care about finding out the truth about him anymore, Helen. You've cured me of that, by almost killing me and pretending you loved me. When the time comes and he tells us, I will try to understand and be his friend still. There might be anger but I won't reject him, ever."
I feel Chloe move towards me, putting a hand on my arm. "We both will wait for him to tell us."
"Ah, but didn't Lionel hire you to find out things about Clark?" Helen asks.
"He did, I accepted, but only to find out why he's doing it and protect Clark in the process."
I turn to look at her. "Mata Hari Sullivan, I presume."
She bows her head and looks up again. "At your service."
I smile at her. "Need help?"
"Maybe," she states, placing her tiny hand in mine and giving it a squeeze. She leans up and whispers, "Are you okay?"
I lean closer and whisper, "Now that you are here, I am."
"Oh please---don't tell me you've fallen for the great Lex Luthor---he'll break your heart!"
She turns her attention back to Helen and is about to speak when I beat her to the punch:
"No---I've fallen for her. And I hope she never breaks my heart."
And it's the truth---I have fallen for her---maybe even before my love life went down in flames.
Helen sneers and I feel her hand leave mine. Maybe she will break my heart, I think as I feel her touch leave me. I turn and see she is standing there, her arms open, welcoming me into her haven of love. God, I swear, if anybody ever hurts her, they will have to deal with me.
I walk into them and feel her strength and determination to protect me too. She doesn't have to say it---I know instinctively---she loves me too.
"God, that is so disgusting. Leave!"
We back away to see a woman whose face is raw evil. Never have I seen a look so vile or dangerous---even from my father. I pull Chloe close to me, protecting her as best I can but she will have nothing of it.
"Hey---are you jealous, Helen?"
"What?" she asks, surprised.
"Are you jealous that you will never have this. That he loves me for all of me---not just my looks or caustic charm. He likes that I'm not perfect and he doesn't try to change me---as I will never try to change him. You don't know what love is, Bitch. You only know hatred and loathing. He will know love and caring--from others and me. I should hate you for what you did to him but I can't---I pity you. You will die a lonely and bitter woman. Come on, Lex, let's get out of here before she lowers me to her level---more."
"Just one thing, before we go," I state.
She turns to look at me and nods her understanding.
I turn to Helen. "Thank you for trying to kill me because I've been reborn. You say I will turn evil like you---I never will because I've got a support system now---and love is stronger than hatred. I pity you because you will never enjoy the feeling that somebody depends on you, as much as you depend on them; that you will never see a sunrise so beautiful because you are sharing it with that one person that was meant for you. And you are accepted for all that is bad and good in you. Goodbye, Helen. Have a nice, crazy, existence."
With that, I turn to Chloe and make my way to her lips, kissing them gently. I back away and whisper to her, "I love you."
"I know---I feel the same way. Shall we go?"
I nod and we leave the room, hand in hand.
As we make our way down the corridor, I hear her humming a tune that's familiar. "What's that you're humming?"
She looks up at me. "Hands."
"Jewel?" I ask. She nods her head. "Sing it for me---I need to be uplifted."
"For you, honey, I'd have the woman sing it herself. But since she's not around---"
She leads me towards the outside with her singing:
"If I could tell the world just one thing
It would be that we're all OK
And not to worry 'cause worry is wasteful
And useless in times like these
I won't be made useless
I won't be idle with despair
I will gather myself around my faith
For light does the darkness most fear
My hands are small, I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
But they're not yours, they are my own
And I am never broken
Poverty stole your golden shoes
It didn't steal your laughter
And heartache came to visit me
But I knew it wasn't ever after
We'll fight, not out of spite
For someone must stand up for what's right
'Cause where there's a man who has no voice
There ours shall go singing
My hands are small I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
But they're not yours, they are my own
I am never broken
In the end only kindness matters
In the end only kindness matters
I will get down on my knees, and I will pray
I will get down on my knees, and I will pray
I will get down on my knees, and I will pray
My hands are small I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
But they're not yours, they are my own
And I am never broken
My hands are small I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
But they're not yours, they are my own
And I am never broken
We are never broken
We are God's eyes
God's hands
God's mind
We are God's eyes
God's hands
God's heart
We are God's eyes
God's hands
God's eyes
We are God's hands
We are God's hands"
And as her singing fades and we walk out the front door, I notice the air---crisp and clean. The sun is shining brightly in the bluest sky I've ever seen. And I hear the shouts and look to see them standing there---all the people whom Helen said would never be there for me---including Clark.
"Surprise!" Chloe states.
"I am reborn, aren't I?" I ask her.
"We all are after what's happened. Come on---let's go celebrate rebirth and her not answering your question."
I give her a grin and pull her in for a hug. "Yes, let's go celebrate---but more importantly---"
She pulls back and looks into my eyes, an understanding in hers---she can read me so well. "Yes---let's go help them through the grief of losing their unborn child, while celebrating the return of the prodigal son," she replies, a tear falling down her cheek.
I brush it away. The words abandon me when I need them most---after all, I know the pain of a mother losing a child. So while we celebrate rebirth and Helen never answering the question, 'Why', we also will help our friends through the greatest loss a parent can face, the loss of a child.
The End.