The Lesser of Two Evils - NC-17, Chapter 56 (May 27, 2016)

[somethingeasy]

Chapter Forty-nine

I appears that the healing process is coming along VERY nicely. In fact, I’d say that it’s coming along a great deal better than I could have ever expected. Of course, it does help that a substantial amount of in-story time seems to have passed between the last chapter and this one.

Just to make things clear, although I did note the rapid passing of time between chapters, I still did NOT feel that the pace of the storyline was rushed in any way. Chloe needed, and was given, a substantial and satisfying amount of time to go through the slow healing process. I especially approved and appreciated the idea of Chloe having gotten on a very close long-term relationship with a trusted psychiatrist. It felt much more organic and realistic to imagine Chloe being able to heal with at least one objective, neutral ally to talk to about all kinds of heavily sensitive and even personally shameful topics.

The idea of Chloe blaming herself in ANY way, not only for Lionel’s eventual violation of her, but also his initial attentions on her… that was horrible to contemplate, and I’m so grateful knowing that Chloe was able to voice these concerns, address them, and deal with them with a professional. I don’t know how much Lex was paying for Dr Concord’s services, but they were obviously worth every penny.

At least, I assume that Lex was the one handling all of Chloe’s medical and counselling expenses…? Actually, I think I’d like to see Lex and Chloe have a tiny mention about how helpful the psychiatrist was… just to throw Lex a bone and prove to him that he DID help Chloe considerably through her healing process… even if it was from a distance.

But besides hearing about Chloe getting better, it was ALSO very satisfying hearing about how Chloe still suffered adversely from her experiences, and didn’t really enjoy the ‘normal experience’ of college like most students. This is seriously not because I like to hear about Chloe suffering… but purely because I feel that it added on a layer of realism and naturalism to Chloe’s healing process… hearing about how different she was from the other students, in terms of attitude, behaviour, desires, interpersonal interactions, etc.

Heeee! And it was wonderful to see that Chloe had at least ONE interpersonal relationship that WAS running strong, despite all her other troubles. Lois was fantastic! I loved how supportive she was… and it was very, VERY cute imagining Lois forming a kind of closeness to Lucas Luthor of all people, LOL! Actually, I’m just giggling imagining the kind of conversations that Lucas and Lois probably bonded over… talking about their extremely traumatized, depressed, morose relations, and how best to help them without inadvertently pushing them into some kind of new nervous breakdown. I wonder whether Lois and Lucas created conversation trees and pie-charts to help them out, lol!

And that very last scene with Chloe and her psychiatrist… WOW!! I think it was the pitch perfect way for Chloe to realize and admit to her growing attraction towards Lex. The timing was perfect! I heartily approved of the way that Chloe was given a significant amount of time before she could even feel something resembling a sexual instinct again, and I loved, LOVED how Chloe addressed her newly rediscovered libido with her psychiatrist, sorting out the worst of the remaining issues before taking it any step further. And, most of all, I loved, Loved, LOVED the idea that it was actually a natural, logical, reasonable and organic choice for Chloe to be attracted to Lex Luthor!!! I loved how the discussion with the psychiatrist allowed the audience to place that attraction into perspective, and see how natural it actually was for Chloe to want Lex.

Plus… I liked the idea of Chloe beginning to think, and even dream, of Lex as a ‘sweet, tender version of him she somehow trusted’. It’s a huge improvement over getting panic attacks in his presence, that’s for sure :)

I’m looking desperately forward to the next chapter. Please do update as soon as possible, Nonky!

[Kit Merlot]

This is wonderful! Good for Chloe for confiding so deeply with her therapist--Chloe seems to trust her and I like that she has someone to turn to. And I like that Chloe is remembering that Lex is a man that she can trust, and that she can sleep with again.

Continued excellent work on this fic:D

[trinna]

More soon please.

[kitten]

Chapter Fifty


Lex Luthor knew how his day would start. He would roll out of bed to a wet nose poking at his knee, giving an absent pat to the dog that tried to trip him on the way to the bathroom. After a shower and a quick breakfast, he clipped the leash on the dog's collar.

"Come on, Cara, we have time for a quick lap of the block before I drop you off to Francine," he said.

Clicking his tongue in a vaguely remembered noise from his riding lessons, Lex took his briefcase and led his dog into the hallway. They rode the elevator down. He nodded to the doorman and wound the leash tighter as they exited the building.

"Good girl," he praised. "You choose the way this morning."

The curly golden dog swung her nose both ways, frantic for the walk. She flicked her ears a few times and turned right. There was a friendly hotdog vender that way with great sympathy for Cara's need for snacks. It was too early for food carts, but he was glad his dog possessed good direction.

"You just ate," he scolded gently.

It was the end of the month. For his employees, it meant a paycheque and settling monthly bills. For him, it was a day to clear his morning. He drank a little, avoided his assistant and reluctantly sent a single email. He waited in uneasy silence, doing nothing in particular. Chloe always answered, and he always opened the reply immediately. The single word was vital, if not gratifying.

He resisted the temptation to ask her how she was. It was a fundamentally stupid question. He didn't deserve to be personal with Chloe Sullivan. If not for the need to protect her from Morgan Edge, Lex would leave her alone.

He had willingly embraced the present, and dealt only with going forward. His past was hardly settled, but it was replaced by new moments in lockstep march. Momentum was positive, as was basing his life on simpler things. The dog had trained him to stop what he was doing periodically and toss her toys through the hallway. At work, Lex tried to keep his overtime to an hour a day. He used his mind, but avoided obsessing.

Lionel Luthor was a shameful example he emulated only in his iron-fast control over his business. His personal life didn't require so much looking after. The pretense of mourning had stretched overlong, into a kind of lapsed social life. People mistook it for his taking more care over his public image.

Some of those long mornings, he'd brought Cara to the office. She was company, but she disliked the scent of his liquor. Lex didn't want to think about getting by without a drink. He lived for Chloe's reply and he dreaded it worse than financial ruin. At least his money was some use to her.

He dropped his dog off with a retired couple a few buildings over from his own. He had given up the sterile, professionally designed decor in favour of dog damage and minor clutter. Rigid control didn't work on canines. As the door swung shut on the happily affectionate dog slobbering the pet sitter, he felt a pang of anxiety.

The nerves didn't make sense. He knew Chloe's exact reply, for years now. In this small way, he knew her very well. She allowed his penance, paid out in cheques to her doctor and surveillance sweeps of her life. She permitted a specific, sanitized imposition by security experts. And even his precautions keep her alive were accepted grudgingly.

It was duty that made him slowly type the password unlocking this filament of communication that still linked them, and deep emotional fatigue that made him uncertain he had checked the right message. Instead of that safe, discouraging word, there were four. And none of them were 'no.'


He had blundered through several days of waiting. Lex debated opening a bottle of wine, and cursed himself bitterly. He didn't know what this was. Chloe might want a business meeting, plain and lukewarm with her intent. She could intend to really talk to him, and their personal issues terrified him. He had put those feelings away, like packing broken ornaments in tissue paper.

She might need money, he thought. She might bring her lawyer. She didn't want my money then, but something might have happened.

Chloe's father, Gabe, was well. Lex had met him once at a company reception. He was a good worker, if a bit too soft for serious advancement. Gabe Sullivan had earned his place in management, but he cared too much to be willing to make himself the boss. He was nice, and told corny jokes that skirted deftly any possible insults to his co-workers. Lex often wondered if Gabe's kind nature made the memory of hurting his daughter worse. He usually decided there was no worse feeling, just a tar-like ball of guilt lodged in his chest.

Cara brushed his legs, trying to draw his attention. He crouched to pet her. Perhaps the dog would break the ice. Most of the time she was good at putting people at ease, unless they were afraid of dogs. Cara almost counteracted his reputation.

“Will Chloe like you? I was going to put you in the bedroom, but you'll be good, right,” he asked her. “And if you think you can help me, that would be a lifesaver.”

Lex stood up with a sigh, heading to the kitchen to make coffee. He could have it ready in case Chloe was willing to observe the social niceties. Or he could let her throw scalding coffee in his face. He watched the coffee beans pulverize to gritty grounds, and debated putting together a platter of food. Heating up hors d'oeuvres would give him something to do.

He couldn't pin down what kind of evening this should be. Even to him the moment was taking on a theatrical surreality. Chloe could arrive any minute and he didn't know whether to hope or brace himself.

The rules of hospitality eventually overcame how silly it felt to put out refreshments for a conversation weighted with years of repressed issues. Lex set the food on a sideboard, ready to bring it over to the living room when it was wanted. He put two cups near the coffeemaker. He sat down, dog flopped over his lap, to wait for Chloe.

Lex scooped the dog to one side when the doorbell rang. He had left the door unlocked, and made sure the lobby guard knew to send her up without a check. If Chloe showed up armed, he didn't blame her. He wasn't ready to be shot, but Lex understood a need to have a weapon ready. Since his introduction to Morgan Edge he never left the house without a discreet revolver riding high on his side.

He rushed to the door, but slowed as he got there. Haste would dislodge whatever calm he'd mustered listening to Cara's snuffling snores. Lex opened the door with the most neutral expression he could force.

“Hi,” Chloe said quietly.

She was dressed in a blouse and jeans, with a backpack over one shoulder and a purse over the other. She had come directly from campus after her evening class, and her eyes were slightly reddened with all the reading college required. Chloe looked taller and leaner, though her height might have been an illusion after years of seeing her only in the distance. For his sanity, Lex had stopped studying the reports from her protection team.

“Hello. Are you coming in?”

Green eyes went past him to the living room and hallway. “Um, maybe in a minute? I'm going to stay here for a bit,” she said, giving an attempt at a smile. “Sorry.”

“No, it's fine. We should have enough privacy,” he told her. “You were saying we need to talk?”

She let the backpack slip to her elbow, lowering it to the floor. “Yes, I just want to . . . collect my thoughts.”

Lex nodded. He averted his gaze as Chloe shifted her weight. “I can bring a chair out,” he offered.

“That's okay,” she whispered. “Can I – change my mind and come in?”

She was wearing lipstick, a light sheen of violet-pink. He was desperate to decode something about her appearance to tell him how to behave.

“Sure.”

Lex pointed the way to the living room, shutting the door with a very controlled motion. It was no time for slammed doors or anything else harsh and jarring. He was being so careful, not even entirely for her sake.

Chloe had stopped to stare at Cara. The dog was standing up on the sofa cushions, wagging so hard her body tried to fold at the ribs.

“You have a dog,” Chloe said. “I wouldn't have thought that about you.”

“I took your advice,” he said simply, letting some warmth in his tone.

Her attempt at a polite smile faltered, and she set her purse down hurriedly. “Yeah . . . I . . . Thanks for meeting me.”

“Of course.” The stiff-necked, proud suspense was killing him. He was almost dying for some kind of big reaction. Chloe was giving him nothing to work with, no cues to adapt to her mood. Her mood was almost absent, just a smooth void where emotions could fit. “Please, have a seat.”

She took her time, walking the long way around the coffee table, and settling on the corner of the big sectional sofa. Lex went back to his spot, scrubbing his short fingernails behind Cara's ears when the dog plunked on his lap.

“I've been okay,” Chloe said suddenly, then stopped with wash of red across her cheekbones.

“Good. I'm glad to hear it.” He would give her whatever she asked, anything to spare them more conversations where they alternated shamed and forbearance.

Chloe shook her head, sitting up. “No, it's only okay. Like, I got better, physically? And emotionally I'm coping. There's nothing wrong with my life, really, except I'm incapable of letting a guy anywhere near me. I can't take an elevator unless it's half-empty. I don't like to be close to people.”

To men. They were talking about sex. He hadn't prepared for this. Lex stopped petting the dog and let his arm fall across her back.

“Dr. Concord can probably-” he began.

“She's been a huge help. And she's done as much as she could do for me,” Chloe told him. “She's great, but she's not included in my problem. She says to learn to trust a man, sexually, I basically have to find a man I feel like I could have sex with. Which is awkward because you're pretty much the only man I've thought of that way in years.”

Despite his effort to sit quietly and just absorb the words, Lex swallowed hard. He nodded a few times, watching Chloe's knees bounce anxiously.

“That is awkward,” he agreed. “I can see how the situation back then would have – might have created a familiarity between us.”

She licked across her violet-pink lips and knocked down every bit of good sense he'd stacked up to be ready to see her again.

“These feelings are recent. They're kind of obsessive, actually.” Chloe leveled her gaze and met his eyes, ignoring the flush across her face as she kept speaking. “I have really loud dreams, apparently, and I'm distracted by it. I basically didn't have a sex drive for years, and now it's demanding I make up for lost time.”

Lex sat very still, speechless. He hadn't allowed himself to think of Chloe that way, and it hadn't felt right to have any kind of hope she might one day want him. He knew he could incite a reaction, but arousal was different from openly, actively desiring a person.

"I've been thinking how weird it is," she said, almost blandly. "How strange that we've had sex, conspired, and witnessed a murder, but we've never kissed. Don't you think it's weird?"

Her green eyes were innocent, even as she raked him over coals he'd walked plenty of hours. Lex thought about explaining the male libido, that once he'd had a woman he kept a fond memory that could coax a hard-on when he was tired or upset. He thought about calling her doctor to come shut down any notion of his suitability for Chloe.

He grunted as the dog stood up on him, lodging one significant paw in his gut and leaping to the floor. “Weird is the least of it,” he huffed. “I'm not sure what you're asking here, Chloe. I find it hard to believe you're suddenly interested in dating me.”

She blinked, and tugged at her blouse. “I'm interested in being able to have a boyfriend, a relationship, a marriage one day. All those things involve sex. I needed the time off from thinking about it, from having it, but now I need to get used to it as a normal part of my life. I would like to try that with you, if you're willing.”

He jabbed his elbows into his knees, hunching as an uneasy warmth started in his stomach.

“I've got to be the last person you'd ever think of that way,” Lex argued.

“The way Dr. Concord explains it, you're the man for the job,” she said, grinning bashfully. “And I wasn't sure, first when I got here, but now . . . She's kind of never wrong about stuff like this. It's disgusting.”

Chloe wasn't wrong. Now that she'd dropped the idea into his head, he was feeling queasy like a lingering case of food poisoning. His dog crawled under the coffee table and looked up at him with a sympathetic gaze.

“You showed up here expecting we'd just have sex,” Lex asked, peeved at being cornered. He felt like half the conversation had occurred in a language he didn't speak. It would be crappy to reject her and cause more issues about sex, but he could hardly say yes.

“No! God, never. I expected you'd freak out and I could suggest you visit Dr. Concord to talk about it,” Chloe said quickly. “It makes much more sense when she explains it.”

He wasn't sure what he was paying that doctor to do, but maybe he should go check it out before Dr. Concord started sending Chloe out to get laid with other men.

[Rachet]

Poor lex hope he gets over that shock quickly ;)

[somethingeasy]

Chapter Fifty

Omigosh!! Lex got a dog?!? He got THE dog that Chloe suggested waaaaay back in the chapters of yesteryear! He got a nice mid-sized dog that can make noise and bring some life to his vast, lonely apartment. I LOVE IT!! Seriosuly, it’s wonderful to see Lex taking care of a dog. It’s not just the fact that it’s darned cute imagining Lex caring for a pet, but it’s also an excellent indication that Lex has made some effort into moving on from past tragedies and learning to enjoy life again… even if it is just enjoying life vicariously through his pet.

Hmmmm… but besides getting himself a pet companion, it doesn’t seem like Lex is doing too well emotionally, socially, personally or psychologically. He still appears to be mostly guilt-ridden and isolated… still obsessing about everything that he still ‘owes’ to Chloe, and seems mostly focused on running him like the perfect little business-running automaton, rather than a complete person. Heh… and I found it interesting that Lex’s obsessive focus on maintaining his business is ALSO all about Chloe… making sure that he maintains all the resources that is required to keep Chloe safe and comfortable, for the remainder of her life is necessary.

It was amusing, embarrassing and sad seeing how, even after, presumably, several years, Lex is STILL so damned nervous and jittery when it comes to Chloe. I really enjoyed seeing his preparations for Chloe’s visit. I wouldn’t call it ‘first date jitters’ exactly, but it WAS something akin to the panic that middle-schoolers feel when confronted with their first major school dance. All that over-prepared anxiety; all that obsessive concern about everything that could go wrong; not to mention that overwhelming fear of rejection.

Only, in Lex’s case, quite a lot of those anxieties and fears were actually NOT exaggerated. There actually was a chance that Chloe might be coming over for the sole reason to vent and scream, and perhaps even attack. It would be VERY difficult for Lex to predict what Chloe wanted, much less how she’d act once she’s face to face with him.

LOL! And, as it turned out, Lex came nowhere close to predicting what Chloe wanted, much less what she was going to say. I could only imagine how Lex’s deep rooted sense of guilt turned into shock, and perhaps appalled horror, when he heard how Chloe’s understandable wariness of sex and men has now evolved into an obsessive lust for HIM, lol! Poor Lex. I also liked how Chloe stated her needs in an almost offensive turn of phrases, making Lex into less of a person, and more of a therapeutic sex toy, lol! She made it quite clear that she wasn’t really looking at Lex as a potential partner, but more like some like of therapeutic tool or hurdle that she has to cross before being able to find a real boyfriend.

I did highly approve of the fact that Chloe did NOT come to the apartment with some inflated sense of entitlement and just expect Lex to immediately drop his trousers the moment she said she wanted sex. She knew that he needed some cajoling and reassurance first. LOL! But I did find it amusing, but still fitting, that any cajoling and reassurance that’s to come is not going to come to usual way, through flirtation and seduction… but actually through the professional opinion on Chloe therapist, lol! Loved it. I look forward to the next chapter. I assume it’s going to comprise mostly of a conversation between Lex and Chloe’s doctor? Will Chloe herself be present during that conversation, or is she going to trust Lex and her doctor to has things out together without her?

Please do update soon, Nonky!

[tatie87]

The image of Lex with a dog is just shocking. I think it shows a lot of growth that he changed his life for the pooch. I'm very curious to see how Lex will handle and copy with Chloe's idea.

[Kit Merlot]

I love the idea of Lex Luthor's being the owner of a dog--too cute! And I think it's definitely an improvement that Chloe's able to talk to Lex about wanting a future that involved a husband and kids--she's working hard not to be damaged byt Lionel's attack on her and I give her so much credit. Now Lex just needs to calm down and listen to her--keep up the gorgeous work on this fic:D

[trinna]

Thanks for the update.

[kitten]

Chapter Fifty-one


Lex tried to ignore unpleasant memories as he walked toward Dr. Concord's office. He had taken Chloe's next after-hours appointment, traveling in secret from his office. Every few steps he caught an echo of the hours he'd waited while Chloe's abused body was repaired. He remembered the sour-stale taste of coffee on his breath, just edging out the scent of blood nothing seemed to cover.

She came back here regularly, he thought miserably. Chloe was strong enough to walk through this office hundreds of times since then. I don't get to spare myself.

Dr. Concord greeted him at her office door, warmly but without touching. Lex nodded politely but didn't offer his hand. He was fighting a superstition that he could step lightly and affect nothing, somehow arriving at the end of this new torture free to go back to his few comforts.

"Hello."

"Have a seat, please," the doctor invited. "How have you been?"

"Better than the last time we saw each other," Lex said wryly. "It was a long time sorting things out after my father died."

She nodded, smoothly and without pity. "I understand. It was good of you to continue paying Chloe's medical expenses. I confess to feeling out of my depth a lot of the time, but I'm not sure she would have accepted a new doctor. I know Chloe is grateful for your help."

Lex couldn't hide a snarl of expression as the irony hit him. She was so grateful she was trying to take away the little peace he'd been able to salvage.

"Apparently she's so grateful she's turned on. Did you suggest this for Chloe?"

Letting her notebook fall to her lap, Dr. Concord leaned forward, shaking her head. "No, I actually tried to get her to transfer the . . . thoughts of you to someone closer to her own age who might be able to earn her trust without so many unfortunate past events. A new man might become a real possibility as a boyfriend. She pushed back. She doesn't want to use an unsuspecting guy as training wheels. I think it's more she's used to the idea of asking for your help. You know her history, you'll be gentle with her."

He didn't feel gentle. There was a literal fever of rage when he thought about Chloe putting him on the spot, requesting his body without any consideration for the tangle it would create in his mind. Lex had just - two years later - found a way to cope with his own actions throughout her ordeal.

"Do you comprehend what this is asking of me," he said hoarsely.

"I do. You had to go through a lot of the trauma personally, and then you witnessed it through Chloe. You had to find a way to grieve while hating your father's actions. Honestly? I don't want to discourage you, but the things you and Chloe fought together are the kinds of traumas that never really stop being an issue," Dr. Concord said slowly.

Lex stood up, holding onto the back of the chair. "Well . . . That is great news. I'm really glad to hear it."

He hadn't expected her expert opinion to be that it was hopeless. A headache was forming, every part of his brain fighting him with logic and self-preservation. He had wanted to save Chloe so badly, perhaps he was deluding himself about the possibility. It had taken all his coping skills to get himself through, and Lex felt his endurance had worn thinner from the effort.

"No, please, there is a point I'm trying to make," Dr. Concord said mildly. "I think you and Chloe bonded over those experiences. It was unintentional. Maybe it would be better for both of you to keep your distance, but I'm not sure it would work. Chloe dwells on you, a lot. She let go of anger very quickly, but she still thinks about you. I'm not sure any other person is as real to her. Your showing up today tells me you probably feel a similar . . . connection."

Hopelessness overwhelmed him, and Lex sank down into the chair with his elbows jabbing his knees. His head hurt, a low ache of frustration.

"I want Chloe to be okay," he said, exhausted. "I don't know how sex fits in, and I can't approach it like a casual favour. I don't know how to be close to her without feeling close to her."

Dr. Concord furrowed her brow. "I don't see the problem."

Lex looked at her, blinking tiredly. "I'm getting the idea Chloe didn't give me a very clear picture of your suggestion. Why don't you give me the short version?"

"I think Chloe has only ever experienced sex and emotional intimacy with you. Any other experience has been violent and horrifying. If she wants to embrace her sexuality and ability to love, it's obvious she starts where she has some basis. I think this will, at the very least, give you both a chance to gain closure. Or it might lead to something permanent, though I don't think a lifelong commitment should be the finish line for any couple."

His headache was only getting worse. "A couple? Your suggestion was for Chloe to date me?"

Now the doctor looked confused. "Did she give you a different impression?"

Lex leaned back and forced his hands down from his throbbing forehead. "You know, I'm not even sure what she was telling me. I took it to mean she'd be having sex with me in preparation for dating other men later. That was about the time my blood pressure spiked and I couldn't listen to another word."

Suppressing a smile, the doctor said, "I can see why you were insulted. I'm quite certain Chloe didn't mean to use you for sex quite so cold-bloodedly. I would never condone that as a means to sexual empowerment for anyone. It's not real if you have to take that power away from someone else."

He placed his arms very carefully on the arms of his chair. "I don't know what she needs. I'm not a good person to lean on. When I try to date it usually ends up with another woman giving up on me. I've been told I'm not a very . . . giving boyfriend."

His failures had been printed on gossip pages for a dozen years, complete with direct quotes from the women scorned. He'd never deliberately neglected or insulted them, but he'd rejected the ones who demanded his feelings be handed over like hostages. His tokens of affection had been, largely, tokens without anything behind them to build upon.

"I don't know enough about those relationships to say," the doctor said tactfully. He was grateful he'd found someone in Metropolis who didn't follow Luthor gossip.

"I can venture you're more generous than you think. Chloe chose you with a clear mind. She had two years to put you out of her life entirely and she decided to ask you closer. You seem to genuinely care about her welfare, or you wouldn't be at this very inappropriate meeting with her unlicensed therapist," she smiled ruefully. "This is out of the ordinary, but so are you. So is Chloe. Ordinary situations have predictable solutions, and your connection is more adventurous."

He didn't feel adventurous. Lex felt old and nervous. He was also startled to realize he'd been celibate for months; glad to avoid the complications of sex even as he suffered moderately without it. He had never had a relationship where he felt on the same level of understanding as his girlfriend. He was always playing the role of devotion instead of following his inclinations toward fondness and favour naturally.

"I don't know if I can do what she's asking," he said quietly, shaking his head. "I wanted to help her before and couldn't. I don't want to break another promise."

"I think your willingness to try was what allowed her to forgive you," Dr. Concord said plainly. "Chloe was angry, sometimes at you. It took a while for her to get enough peace with it to see the big picture. She says you did your best then, and I think if you do your best now she'll understand if it doesn't work out the way she wants. But, with every respect for all the suffering you both went through, I don't think it could cause more pain than it heals."

Maybe his trepidation was selfish. Lex didn't want to deny help if he could really do this for Chloe. He wanted her to be well, even if he didn't follow all of the reasons for her including him in the process. It wasn't as if they'd never had sex. The circumstances would require a thousand times more care than his usual short relationships. He had to take it seriously, because Chloe was the opposite of a casual woman. Every word and deed would have to be the result of careful reading of a taut emotional situation.

"I think it says a lot about my outlook that I'm soothed by the idea of having little to lose," he said ironically. "I'm willing to try dating Chloe, if that's what she wants. However far it goes physically will depend on her. For my part, I'm going to need some time before I can comprehend adding sex to it."

A glimmer of amusement lightened Dr. Concord's gaze and a dimple appeared in her cheek. "I'm sure Chloe will respect that."

He blinked and leaned forward, rubbing his knees. "Or at least she won't make fun of me for balking like an eighteenth century virgin? One can only hope."

"She'll appreciate you acting like a gentleman."

Before he'd hurt Chloe, he'd never known he wasn't one. It had been a long, untutored travail to figure out what men with decent fathers had learned in childhood. Lex didn't want to test his chivalry on Chloe, but turning her down felt wrong.

"I will do my best," he told Dr. Concord, very conscious it had the ring of a vow in the quiet office.

[tatie87]

Chloe and Lex are going to try to date as a form of closure and healing. That is a very interesting idea.

[trckyrcky]

This is great. I've been anticipating an update and I am so happy to see Lex willing to do anything to help Chloe.

[starmoon]

great update love please keep going i really like this story.

[RevDorothyL]

This is such a gripping tale, and I'm so glad that you've not given up on it.

I couldn't sleep in the wee hours of this morning, and started to read this fic for the first time. Needless to say, it's now 9 hours later and I haven't been able to stop reading! (Well, except for brief interludes for breakfast and laundry and helping my Dad with his computer along the way!)

Thank you so much for continuing to update this fic over the years, and I'll be looking forward to another installment whenever you're able to get to it.

[Kit Merlot]

This was lovely! Good for Lex for being so worried about hurting Chloe--once he gets past his worry, he and Chloe can make a good start at healing each other.

[cbrunberg]

great update.love that lex is willing do anything to help chloe and is concerned about hurting her.this should be interesting

[foxytri]

When I saw WIP I said to myself don't read it but it has been so compelling! Thank you for writing such a great story, my heart broke a thousand times, I thought Chloe and Lex had a chance even though they had such an unfair start to their complex relationship but when that evil Luthor raped an already vulnerable Chloe I was so upset for what could have been for chlex. However with your excellent story telling I see that glimmer of light for them and imagine my surprise and delight to see that this story was updated days ago!

keep going you have fans waiting to read the next installment, Thank you, thank you, thank you!

[Rachet]

I hope Chloe see how damaged Lex really is from everything. I think helping him heal will be good for her too.

[kitten]

Chapter Fifty-two

Chloe watched her phone vibrate, edging closer to her keyboard across the table. She lifted her hands away from her typing instinctively, holding her breath as she became sure it was Lex calling her. The number on the phone set off a fizzing awareness in her body as she absorbed the buried response.

Lex's number made her feel giggly-nervous. She had the urge to look over her shoulder for some overly interested stranger who was miraculously aware a famous, rich billionaire was calling her.

In the two and a half days since she'd spoken to him, he had talked to Dr. Concord. Despite a rapport, the doctor would never reveal to Chloe what Lex had said. His reaction, or lack thereof, would come only directly from his words.

I was worried I'd sent him running for the nearest alp, she reminded herself. Before he was calling me I was getting offended.

She looked around the tiny cafe that had become her favourite unofficial office. The wifi was excellent and the coffee was good, excepting an experimental order of a pumpkin spice flavour shot. She was comfortable slouching over her computer and pounding out sour reviews of campus theatre productions. It was where she frantically wrote last minute essays an hour before they were due.

Carving out comfortable spaces in the world had become the closest thing to a hobby since she'd moved to the city. Chloe acknowledged the flaw in it was her comfort typically came from solitary moments. Her old friends seemed far away, and her new friends sensed her panic when they became too familiar. Her plan to move on with her life needed other people to succeed, so she had to let other people near.

She didn't look as she grabbed for the phone. "Hello." The greeting was rushed, breathless, but she had answered. She was going to try to rediscover her friendly nature.

"Hello . . . Chloe. Is this a bad time?" He sounded tense,but then she sounded like she was having some kind of choking spasm.

"No. I just didn't want you to think I was ignoring your call," she said. "What's up?"

Cringing at her phrasing, Chloe pushed down nerves. She wasn't feeling remotely casual about Lex and what he was going to say next. She wasn't brave enough to push him if he decided he didn't feel up to helping her.

"I spoke with Dr. Concord."

It felt like a refusal. He was too precisely pleasant. This was Lex politely saying 'hell no.' Chloe couldn't really blame him. It wasn't as if she believed they were a good match. She had paused too long, and hurried to end the conversation gracefully.

"I understand if you can't do this," she said. "I'm not one hundred percent sure I could have. It was a crazy idea."

He exhaled, sounding almost angry. "It's a crazy idea, but I'm okay with trying. Dr. Concord was able to clarify the suggestion. I think it's possible spending time together will help both of us. I have genuinely wondered how you've been, and I recall we were able to find a few things in common."

She held her breath, processing the pitch of hope rising. Chloe closed her laptop without noticing, and leaned back in her chair holding her coffee in her free hand.

"Okay. Um, so when did you want to me to come over," she asked tentatively.

"Cara and I go to the dog park on Saturday morning. If you're free, I'd like you to join us. We throw tennis balls and she treats me to lunch before we walk home," Lex said. "It's probably better we start slow and see how we do. I'm not certain just how much help I can offer."

It was a date. A dressed down Saturday morning at the dog park, but definitely a planned date with a man she might sleep with. Chloe's face washed pink as she smiled bashfully at Lex through the phone.

It wasn't a yes or a no, but she was somehow happier with a maybe. It sounded more like the truth of their situation.

"That sounds really nice. Thanks."

"My pleasure. Does 10:30 work for you?"

"It's fine. I'll be at your place then," she told him. "What if it rains?"

He chuckled, short and deep. "As a dog owner, I'm pretty much obliged not to notice beyond putting on a coat before I leave the house. Dress warm and cross your fingers for a nice day. If it's too cold I'll let you off the hook."

She set down her coffee, opening her laptop to look up a weather forecast. "Oh, I'm tougher than that."

"I know you are. Have a good day, Chloe. Bye."

"You, too. Goodbye."

She lowered the phone gently and stared blankly at the website. She almost wanted to call Lois and tell her the dreary hermit cousin had a date that weekend. Lois would be happy for her, even if she was puzzled. Chloe didn't comprehend why it felt right, but she didn't really care. She was looking forward to seeing Lex on Saturday.


He hadn't counted on a media presence. At least not more than one reporter, he corrected himself. Lex looked over his shoulder and then to Chloe at his side. She was leaning down to scrub affectionately at Cara's ears. He grimaced and privately mourned the first twenty minutes of their date. It had been going fairly well, helped immensely by his friendly dog.

"Chloe . . ."

She stood up and looked at him, her face wary but not guarded. Being out in public was helping, both as a distraction from their dark past and a buffer for any overly intense feelings. They were like any other couple navigating a potentially awkward first date. They were a long way from fun, but not doing too badly with companionship.

"Sorry, " he apologized. "I don't know why I didn't think of this. First when I got Cara, there were photographers every time I walked her. The novelty wore off and they left us alone. I guess they thought your being here was interesting."

She spun around, and the photographers caught her initial startle as they focused on her. Lex stiffened. He wanted to turn around but that would give better photos. He wound Cara's leash a little tighter and murmured, "We can go back, or you can leave alone. They might decide to follow you. I could call my security but that generally draws more attention instead of less. The police won't help as long as we're not in danger. It's up to you."

Chloe was still facing away, her arms folded over her chest. She shook her head, but without her expression he couldn't tell what it meant.

"They keep shooting as long as they can get a clear view of your face," Lex told her. "Do you want me to get my lawyers on this? I know most of these guys by name."

She turned back. "No. I'm a reporter. I know how it works. They aren't doing anything wrong, and I should have understood a date with you would have some extra complications. Don't sic your lawyers on them. Let's just keep going?"

Her brave, wan smile made him angrier, but Lex nodded and led the way to the dog park. It was enclosed by a fence and Cara knew where they were headed. She pulled at his arm in eagerness.

"Easy, girl. It's a walk, not a gallop," he chided.

"Did you talk to her on all those walks? I think I know why the photographers were following you. They wanted to capture the moment you finally snapped," Chloe joked.

"Cara is a very smart dog," Lex said firmly. "It's not like I'm talking to a houseplant. She understands a lot of what I say to her, and she listens - mostly."

The dog was still towing him, trying to drag him more quickly to the gate. He barely had the leash off before she was trotting away to greet her dog friends.

"She's a great dog. I didn't mean it. I'm sure you're perfectly sane."

Chloe waded into the field of dogs and owners happily, agreeably petting any furry head that butted her leg. She watched while Cara made her first mad circle of the space before homing back to Lex.

"Behave yourself," he told Cara, digging her tennis ball out of his pocket. "You nearly trampled a dachshund. Chloe, since you're our guest, please throw out the first ball of the day. I suggest aiming low to the ground and off to one side. She's just big enough to knock people over, and fetch gets her too excited to be careful where she's going."

Taking the ball, Chloe grinned at the dog's impatient dance. "That sounds like a story."

She tossed the ball, sending Cara flying behind. Lex shook his head. "Not really. Luckily no one was hurt and dog owners get used to occasionally being knocked down. Cara's personality smooths over most of the gaps in her training."

Across the dog park, Cara had the ball and was carrying it proudly. A number of other dogs were making playful nips toward it, but she dodged them and came back to drop it at Lex's feet. He picked it up and threw it again.

"She's an obedience class dropout," Chloe asked. "Why? She seems like she could be trained."

Lex walked to a bench and sat down. Chloe followed and perched precisely a foot away from him. He swallowed a sigh and glanced at the remaining photographers. Some had given up on his date turning newsworthy, but he was still a Luthor. Most of his dates were considerably more elaborate than inviting a woman to the park.

"My fault. I found a very good school but they insisted only the owner could attend the lessons. After we got the basics down I canceled a few times and we unfortunately were kicked out," he said wryly. "I'll apologize in advance for her table manners."

She turned almost unconsciously toward him, smiling shyly. Her back was still too stiff, and there was no question of touching or even a topic more personal than anecdotes about his dog. Chloe hadn't taken the excuse of photographers to go home. She was tolerating their strange version of acquaintance and that was all he could ask.

"She might make the same apology for you. So where do you go for lunch with a dog who's just been rolling in dirt," Chloe asked.

"You'll see."

[tatie87]

So nice to see an update to this story. The thought of Lex taking a dog to the dog park everyday, how very normal. I'll be interested to see how the rest of Chlex's date goes.

[cbrunberg]

its is strange to see lex do something normal.but it is nice.glad that they are trying.can't wait to see what happens on there date.

[Kit Merlot]

I love how cute and adorable Chloe and Lex are together--I feel like this is a good start for them:D

[kitten]

Chapter Fifty-three


Somewhere in Metropolis, a news stand was barren, Chloe thought dazedly. She had accepted an offer of good company on bad movie night, not an invitation to a research project into her first quasi-date with Lex Luthor.

However, her cousin had spent what looked like a full pay-cheque on newspapers and magazines. She settled in to let Lois have her say. It was slightly awkward when the other woman only scanned photos shot with zoom lenses. Eventually, once Chloe started mixing their traditional movie margaritas, her cousin looked up.

"It says here you guys were holding hands when you sat on the bench," Lois said, her eyes narrowed with accusation.

Chloe looked up from her careful measure of a shot into a blender, then shook her head. "No. No hand holding. He walked his dog, I walked with them. No touching."

Her cousin leaned on the countertop that doubled as a kitchen table in her small apartment. "Fine! But how do you explain all the smiling?"

It was startling to imagine they had been smiling. It hadn't felt particularly happy. Cara, the dog, did a few funny things that made her laugh briefly. Lex had been polite, but his smile was the tight, closed expression he wore during press conferences. Her expression had gotten away from her after a few minutes of careful small talk.

"I was trying to be sociable." Blushing, looking away and clamming up like a shy child could be passably flirtatious, she told herself.

"With him? You remember all the stuff with him, right? I don't mean to be cruel, but you do remember?"

Hitting the blend button harder than needed, Chloe walked into the living room to get away from the two kinds of noise. She was going to have to make the next date the day before a busy work day for Lois, or the detailed dismantling of every action would require a month of ducking Lois' calls.

"I remember it. I also remember he helped me, and he's willing to try to help me again," Chloe said. "Dr. Concord-"

"She is not a real therapist," Lois interrupted.

In the first desperate weeks after the rape, Lois had bullied her for her own good and supported Chloe unwaveringly. The emotional turmoil had left the memories of that time blurry. Lois had sat up with her more nights than either of them had slept, never complaining of strain. Lois had suggested Gabe should know what really happened to his daughter, but only once. It was a real example of love and self-sacrifice. Neither of them was known for meekness.

Years later, as Chloe became stronger, Lois was less afraid to offer opinions on Luthors, doctors and Chloe's coping methods. She asked about Dr. Concord with a peevish tendency to interpret everything in the worst light. Getting a new doctor meant somehow telling that doctor about most of what happened, without getting any mob guys suspicious Chloe was telling people about the night they killed Lionel Luthor. Therapy needed honesty, and honesty was not a safe option. Swinging back to turn off the blender, she shrugged.

"But she's my therapist, Lo. She did learn about psychiatry, it's just not her specialty. She thinks the reason I'm hung up about sex is because I need a starting point with a man. I've had sex with Lex before. I wasn't happy about it, it wasn't as much my choice as it should have been. He's my only sexual partner ever. This makes sense. It does. I can't lay it out for you with statistics or anything. It feels like an idea that can work."

Lois pushed past her bad mood to take down glasses and produce lime slices. She used the shot glass to dip into the blender for a test sip.

"I'm all for you getting yours, little cousin, as long as it really is a good idea. Don't let him rush you."

She offered the margarita shot and Chloe downed it with a wince. She rubbed her eyes and let the alcohol hit her.

"I think it might actually be the opposite," she said. "Lex is pretty terrified of even looking at me for too long. If he wanted to get laid, I'm sure he has easier ways. This is a big favour I'm asking from him."

Lois gave a moue of doubt and dug in a drawer for a knife. "So what is he getting?"

"Closure, I guess? We're going to be able to follow through with whatever we felt about one another before. It's supposed to let us move past what his father did to both of us."

Chloe knew she was being vague, but she really didn't know exactly what being around Lex would do for either of them. It did feel slightly better than doing nothing to make herself more comfortable around other people.

Lois had stopped making faces and was concentrating on pouring perfect drinks. "It sounds bonkers, but I'll allow it for now. You guys might want to find more private places to hang out, though."

The dorm was no place to bring a famous kind-of boyfriend, and Lex's apartment was full of dangerous memories. Hotels felt tacky and going out of town every time they met up was avoiding most of the issue. Chloe didn't want to go to society events with him. She was betting you didn't invite Lex to a pizza place with 80s decor and 99 cent slices. Her college budget didn't take her anywhere much fancier.

"Privacy is kind of nerve-wracking. We could sneak around, but we used to do that. It feels like I need exactly the opposite relationship we had before." They'd had no clear idea what they were to each years ago, so doing the opposite was a constant adjustment without set boundaries.

Lois perched a lime slice on the lip of a glass. "Are you expecting to land the golden goose? Lex has been nice to you, but that doesn't mean romantic feelings are there. I don't want you to, settle for him, strange as that sounds," her cousin said quietly.

Solemnity always brought up the helpless despair Chloe never wanted to feel. She shook her head, searching her mind for a way to sketch her own thin certainty for another person.

"I can't explain what happened to me without putting people in danger. So I can date a normal guy, but all he'll get to know about me is that I'm a damaged person. He won't know anything about me when I wasn't, so to him all I'll be is this damaged person who doesn't have any friends she can bear to be around for more than ten minutes. Lex knows. That makes it complicated but possible. I'm not expecting anything except a decent, respectful man who might be able to help me get over my issues with sex. If I can help him, I'll do that, too. But I'm nowhere near intimate enough with Lex to know what he needs."

Her cousin paused, clearly picking through the unexpected speech to find a place to unravel it. Lois frowned, defeated by the very lack of specifics. Chloe was winging it, and absence of strategy didn't give any obvious targets.

"It's the weirdest plan, little cousin. It's so dangerous to depend on a guy who hurt you." Taking the two perfect margaritas, they turned to the living room.

It was irrational to be hurt Lois didn't trust her to have instincts about Lex, but Chloe tried to be reasonable. Lex had met Lois on a terrible day, fraught with his failures and the terror of indecision. Neither her cousin or her . . . boyfriend were patient, docile people at their best.

"He hurt me once, a long time ago. One time he hurt me, and I helped manipulate him into it. When he realized he'd hurt me, he was immediately very sorry. He never would have touched me again. I'm not in love with him. Love usually comes after dating and sex. I can't even get to the date part yet. But I made plans with him and we spent the morning together. It's literally the only date I've even been on, so I'm calling it a success."

Slumping into her corner of sofa, Lois rolled her eyes. "He took you to a hot dog cart."

"His dog gets to choose where they have lunch on Saturdays. She picked the hot dog cart."

They took big sips of alcohol, the strength of the drink making Chloe's eyes tear.

"Okay, that's pretty adorable," Lois mumbled.

"Yes! He's not a bad person," the blonde said firmly. "He's funny but tactful. He's smart but doesn't flaunt it all the time. He's interesting but he listens to me when I speak."

The serious part of the conversation was washed away by liquor. Lois brought her knees up and gave a dreamy stare into nothing.

"So what you're saying is you need Lucas and I to be best man and maid of honour at the wedding next month?"

"Yes, absolutely. That wouldn't be rushing it at all." Chloe started drinking faster, the initial burn down her throat gone.

"We could double date," Lois suggested.

That was too far with the silliness. Lex barely admitted his brother existed. It was sad, but not her problem to solve. "Oh, not on your life!"

"So . . . how does the dog pay for lunch?"

"There's a clear pocket on her collar for a debit card, " Chloe puckered around the slice of lime she'd stupidly decided to eat. "All the hot dog vendors know her."

"God, that's cute. Lex Luthor is either a secret nice guy or a serial killer."

"He's a person, Lois, like I'm a person, or you can be after your coffee," Chloe joked. "If you run into him, or something, don't be horrible just because."

Lois leaned forward and posed as The Thinker for a few seconds, feigning thoughtful reflection. "Oh, it's never just because. I always have my reasons," she corrected.

Slapping her cousin's arm lightly, Chloe shook her head. "You barely spoke to him, so no you don't. Don't be mean."

"I'll be civil to your fake boyfriend," the brunette sighed. "If you marry him, though, then he's family, so he gets the real me."

The blonde's shiver as she took a big sip of her drink was only partially from cold. Lex would run screaming from one minute of Lois' real talk.

"I'm not going to marry him," she said uneasily. "I'm going to . . . date him and sleep with him."

"Yeah, courtship just dead-ends right there at screwing until you're really comfortable with one another. I don't know what I was thinking," Lois said archly.

[tatie87]

Lex and the dog are adorable:)

[Kit Merlot]

I love that Chloe has Lois to talk to about the real situation and of course Lois is sarcastic at the same time as being supportive--that's why we love her:D

Continued lovely work on this truly emotional story.

[cbrunberg]

can't wait to see what happens next.loved that lex was walking he dog.

[RevDorothyL]

Just re-read the last 10 chapters or so, in order to be prepared in case of an update any time in the near future. You know, just to be on the safe side, and not in any way to pressure or cajole for an update ('cuz of course I'd NEVER do that!). :)

[Rachet]

I have. Been gone so long I got a two for one update. Sweet date.

[zulucnjy]

This is such an awesome story. You've really covered all aspects of the desperation this situation created for both Chloe & Lex, from different perspectives. Really loving the way Chloe & Lex are slowly moving to really heal, to move beyond just getting over the horror of so much suffering. Whatever that end may be for each of them, this is truly inspiring writing! Waiting anxiously for next update!!

[Ree]

Wow. Your writing is amazing. I can't stop reading your stories. They are multi layered, as are the characters. It's raw and heartbreaking but beautiful at the same time. Thank you for coming back and updating. I hope you finish this story because I am captivated by it.

[cmc]

thanks for great update

[kitten]

Chapter Fifty-four


It was a good sign, Lex thought. He watched the careless way Chloe stirred her coffee, knocking the spoon noisily as she mixed in a flavour shot. She was eating and talking, pausing between bites to gesture in emphasis.

"This union representative was mad I didn't phrase it exactly the way it was in the union handbooks," she said. "Never mind that I wasn't allowed to see a handbook and it was a direct quote he gave me personally. He came back to the office to complain I'd quoted him exactly instead of somehow psychically knowing the actual way he meant to say it."

The platter of croissants between them was reduced to scraps sloppily cut with a butter knife as she tried each kind in sawed off chunks. There was an endearing crust of chocolate in the left corner of her mouth. She tossed her spoon down and gulped coffee, bracing herself for the rest of the story.

"I get accused of lying," he said, "-but usually I can't play back a recording to prove I was telling the truth. What did you do with the union rep?"

Chloe widened her eyes and looked to both sides, leaning in. "Landfill, obviously."

Their first date without the dog had been painfully polite. She might have been tiptoeing her way through an etiquette lesson for a future queen. Her sips of coffee were tiny, and her bites even tinier. She stirred her cup without making a sound. Conversation hinged on weather and the upcoming mayoral campaign. She dabbed her napkin to her lips compulsively. Eye contact was an accident she corrected by staring at her hands. He had felt like he was holding her hostage.

"I suppose we should all learn from Jimmy Hoffa," Lex said ironically. "Did you dig the grave by yourself?"

"What kind of union rep doesn't have access to a backhoe," she replied.

She was making jokes and complaining cheerfully about her work. They had shared memories of silly things the dog had done, or plots of movies they had seen together. Chloe knew which candidate he'd voted for mayor. She made fun of him for wanting to see a particularly bad action movie. She smiled at him, almost as freely as she smiled at Cara.

It was tempting, even rational, to call it progress. He caught himself reaching for her hand or about to brush hair out of her eyes. He wondered about her in the middle of the day. Lex had a fairly good idea what he might give her for her next birthday, and for Christmas. He worked out the details of their dates meticulously, avoiding certain things that Chloe might not like. She didn't like his apartment, and he was working on a solution, but he needed her help.

"As long as you're solving problems, can I ask a favour?"

Her wariness was mild, a stiffening of her shoulders and an unaccustomed pause before she spoke. "What's the favour?"

Lex picked up his wine and took a sip, trying to exude nothing more than slight irritation. "I've decided I need a house so the dog can have a yard. The realtor gave me a list of places, and I have appointments to see the top three I liked from the pictures. It would help to have a second person to feel things out," he said.

She frowned, but Chloe dropped her shoulders and relaxed. "I don't think I can help. I saw my Dad's house before we moved, but I was really young. I've never picked out my own place to live before," she said.

"Neither have I. The apartment I have now was arranged for me when I left college and started to work at LuthorCorp. I know what I want in a house, but I'm not used to accommodating other tastes. I'm investing in a home, except I never really focused on all the little things that entails. If you came with me you could point out issues from a woman's perspective and as a former dog owner. It might save me from buying whatever fruit a bad house becomes if you buy it."

She smiled uncertainly. "A bad car is a lemon, so a bad house would be bigger. A watermelon," she asked.

"A watermelon," Lex agreed. "I need you to save me from my own bad taste. I barely have the time to buy one house. I might just go the Howard Hughes path and camp out in a hotel for the rest of my life. I can let my toenails grow until they start to curl."

"Ew!" She pushed away her coffee and hugged her stomach. "I'm eating!"

Chloe's exaggerated eye roll eased a knot of guilt in his stomach. Lex knew he had to be assertive one, always making future plans while they were face to face. He had the sense Chloe dreaded seeing him but usually managed to relax once they were together.

He was careful, painfully cautious of her moods, easily distracted by the merest hint of her dissatisfaction. The curve of her smile called to him, trying to trick him into taking more than she was willing to offer.

They never touched. He tried helping her with her coat and she froze with a quivering look over her shoulder - at him. Lex never wanted Chloe to see him as a threat. He was trying hard not to be frightening. He was careful to be pleasantly, enthusiastically insistent he would like to see her again. He did not make demands. He was reluctant to suggest a meeting time more convenient for his work hours, because it gave her the option of cancelling their date entirely.

Physically they were nowhere. He knew she looked at him, maybe wanted him in a very distant way he was unable to read accurately. Another woman might have used that mystery to tease his desire, test his patience to have sex with her, but not Chloe. She was placid on the surface but he was certain there was immense struggle inside her thoughts.

"If you really don't want to help . . . " Lex told her.

"No, I do. I just . . . I don't know anything about wainscoting or marble finishes," Chloe said softly. "I don't think I'll really help you as much as somebody else could."

His frustration spiked at the hint of her poor judgement of her own skills. Chloe was talented, but meeker than she was meant to grow up. Lex wasn't even sure what to say, because low self-esteem was hardly a hurdle he had cleared.

"You will help me," he assured her. "I value your opinions and I like your company. If we can both agree on a house, I'll be confident buying it is the right decision."

There were no big reactions from Chloe, just tiny signals he obsessed over on the drive home after their dates. She nodded, smiling into her coffee as she drained the very last of it.

"Okay. When do you want to look at houses?"

"You have a half-day of class on Thursdays, right? Would that be okay," he asked.

Lex often had to remind himself his impatience would be a thousand times more threatening to Chloe. He forced himself to react slowly, even moving at a fraction of his natural motions. When his shoulders bunched and he burned with a vague, irritated dissatisfaction, he went to the gym and did his best to work it off. He had to learn a kind of gentleness foreign to the rest of his life, and sometimes he felt he was misleading Chloe by managing it so well.

"I'm free after one," she said, dimpling in one cheek. "Are you bringing Cara?"

As a buffer, the dog was almost magical. Her presence was a distraction and a balm to awkward moments. It would be petty to resent Chloe's clear love for his pet, but something had to change if their improvised sex therapy was ever going to be more than all talk.

"Cara's a big dog to bring into someone's house. I'd hate to spend money fixing up the houses I don't buy along with the one I do," he joked. "Do you think I should?"

A glimmer of humour lit her face. "Unless you want to roll in the grass yourself," Chloe told him, "-we need a backyard tester."

He had given himself just enough rope to hang, Lex thought. He had Chloe for coffee and movies, walks and conversations. They had planned at the beginning to have sex, at some point. Time and space had become a small but insistent barrier telling him he had to wait for some sign of readiness. There were moments he thought Chloe was looking for the same from him, and neither of them wanted to be the one to break the peace. He hoped the new house might allow them to be alone together in relative comfort, at least long enough to see if they might be physically compatible.

"Whatever you want," he said easily. "Cara and I will meet you at 1 at the dorm. Thank you."

[Rachet]

He is buying a new house so she doesn't have to go where the bad memories were made. Love his thinking.

[cbrunberg]

love that he is buying a new house so she does not have go where bad memories are.

[RevDorothyL]

The house is a great idea, but I'm also impressed by the care Lex has taken not to frighten Chloe or make her too uncomfortable, even going so far as to slow his gestures and other movements, instead of letting his body move at the speed of his mind. Good on you, Lex!

[tatie87]

So great to see an update!!! I love that Lex is trying to put the past behind by buying a new house.

[Kit Merlot]

Good for Lex for wanting to improve his and Chloe's futures--they deserve a future where they can actually be happy and free from Lionel Luthor's influence.

[kitten]

Chapter Fifty-five


"The kitchen has stainless steel appliances for very easy cleaning. The counters were replaced with marble slabs last year. There's even a pantry area that could be a space for the dog," the realtor ventured cheerfully.

Chloe didn't like her. She was glossy, like a magazine ad brought to life. The house was pretty, but the way the realtor was talking it needed to be preserved under vacuum domes instead of lived in by anybody.

She gave Cara a dirty look for doing absolutely nothing, Chloe thought. This is exactly the kind of person who won't get that Lex doesn't want to suffocate in fancy hermitage.

"Cara eats with the rest of the family," Led said mildly, "-Ms. Hatcher, I wonder if my friend and I could walk around the garden. I wouldn't ask you to risk those beautiful shoes, of course."

Ms. Hatcher frowned and immediately collapsed into bashful smiling. "With some landscaping you could have a wonderful patio. Let me know if you'd like to see some visualizations. Clients tell me they aid the imagination."

"We won't be long," he said with same assurance he'd implied there was a wife and a pack of kids in his household.

Chloe followed Lex outside, sliding the door decisively shut on the realtor. She let Cara's leash out longer and crossed her arms.

Digging fists in his overly expensive pockets, Lex stood between her and the avidly watching realtor. "I can't tell if you hate Ms. Hatcher or the house," he murmured.

"Both, kind of," she admitted. "She's fine. I don' t get her wearing million dollar shoes to walk around all day, but that's my issue. It's a nice house. For all I know she's found incredible bargains, too. None of the places are much different from your penthouse."

Lex seemed oddly pleased by something she'd said, though Chloe couldn't guess how her complaint had charmed him. He strolled across the grass to scrub behind Cara's ears thoughtfully.

"I assume my public image elicits a certain bland exclusivity. I can't blame her for trying to give me what she thinks I would want. I can imply you'll be moving in with me, and I'm sure she'd listen to your suggestions."

The dog was clawing at the bottom of the fence and they pulled her away to walk circles side by side.

"It should feel like you in your house," Chloe tried to explain. "The penthouse never felt like you, and this house doesn't. Your office should uphold your brand, just like Ms. Fancy-shoes in there dresses for her job. You're much more the man who has two muddy paw prints on his pants and doesn't care than the guy who rolls up to work in a town car. I don't have a way to explain you at home in the features of a house."

"Well . . . I guess we'll just call this off until we have a better plan," he said thoughtfully. "I'm sorry I wasted your time."

His face had something in it before he turned and dug out his phone, no doubt playacting a very important phone call to assuage the realtor's ego when he cancelled the rest of the viewings. Chloe watched, puzzled. Lex showed irritation readily, at least to her. He seemed almost disappointed.

"Wait! We can work with this. She has to listen if she wants the commission, right? You have the day cleared to do this, and we should use the time," she said.

He turned back and shrugged, but the phone slipped into his pocket. "What kind of house do I need to ask for to suit us?"

He meant Cara and himself, but was looking directly at her. It gave Chloe an odd feeling of being included in Lex's small household, even when she didn't really belong.

Reeling Cara's leash short, she occupied herself with wiping her perfectly clean sneakers on the grass. "I feel like . . . you'll know it when you're there. And Cara's butt slides on marble when she tries to sit down. There are lots of ways to make a nice house that can be a home. Usually the whole thing comes together less like a museum."

He smiled, his happy expression that rarely saw light. Lex reached down to scrub his hands in the dog's ruff, then pushed the sliding door open.

"Ms. Hatcher? I think I might have been unhelpful booking your services. Some men require a showroom of a house for entertaining and impressing women. I am a solitary person and I can afford to rent a ballroom now and again. I have a few people I value and none of them are impressed by wealth. I would like a home that can stand to feel messy without it feeling like sacrilege. My dog also has a hard time getting traction on marble floors. I can afford any house, but I'm glad to pay top commission for you to find the right house."

He reached back and snagged Chloe's hand with the leash in it, drawing her inside with the wagging dog following.
He didn't let go for a few seconds, and she felt her face go red as the realtor noticed the contact with a tiny squint.

"Give me a few minutes with my computer and I'll get a new list ready," Ms. Hatcher said cheerfully.

She gave a very slight dip of her shapely chin, directed at Chloe like conceding a contest. Cara started walking and Chloe lost the leash, uneasy at the things the realtor was assuming.

"Easy, Cara," Lex said chidingly, pulling the dog back and letting go of Chloe's hand. "We're not in a hurry."

A warm ache tickled along Chloe's recently stroked fingers, threatening to drift lower in her body. She needed Lex for his patience, but sometimes she wanted him to rush, too. It might be time to jump without knowing if she would land entirely safely.

[cbrunberg]

can't wait to see what happens next

[tatie87]

Great to see an update. Patiently waiting for more Chlex goodness.

[jessicakadie]

Thanks for the update, great chapter! :)

[kitten]

Chapter Fifty-six

"You're spending the whole weekend on his house?"

Lois Lane blinked half a dozen times, wincing into the motion as if it strained something in her brain. She sat down across from Chloe in the hard-backed chair pulled up to interview people at the Met. U. newspaper. All the student reporters shared the one spare chair, fighting over it on busier days.

"You're out house shopping with Lex, because the hussy who took you guys out the first time only gave you a bunch of fancy-schmancy mausoleums to look at and you weren't pleased. Because you, somehow, have to approve his living situation."

"I wasn't pleased for him and Cara," Chloe said quietly, still trying to find the quote in her notes to finish off her story. "I don't think he gave her any idea he didn't want the most expensive houses. She knew his credit rating."

A dark, carefully shaped eyebrow lifted and practically pirouetted off her cousin's face. "And you know everything about him? This is weird. You don't pick out a house with someone unless you're good and married. That guy - I mean, he might be more of a romantic catastrophe alone than most people can manage juggling multiple affairs. I thought he was helping you have normal relationships."

The insult was too broad to notice, and Chloe did her best to shrug it off. It wasn't fair, but there was no point trying to explain the nuances of Lex to other people. He wasn't good at sharing himself without an incentive. Their incentive to get along was based on pretty extreme events that wouldn't be duplicated.

He was a special case, and she was his special case. Saying so would only set off another list of Lois' issues with their relationship.

"We are trying to be friends," Chloe corrected calmly. "We might become more than that, but we are not rushing to a label so you and the tabloids can put a bow on us and call it good. He wasn't happy with the houses she showed us, and it took a while to figure out his tastes. Now that we know what might work, we're all going to look at more houses."

"All?! I swear if you are sitting there trying to sneak your secret baby past my nose with phrasing like that, Lex is going to need to buy a grave plot long before he needs new real estate."

Across the room, a very old printer bristled to life. Chloe stood up with a sigh. "Don't listen to Aunt Lois," she muttered as she put a hand obviously on her belly. "She's crazy. I was counting the dog, Lo."

"NOT funny, Chloe!"

The walk to the printer was another litany of concerns, and then the walk back to her desk. The blonde stopped trying to work and shoved the printed story into her purse. She crossed her arms. Chloe did not need Lois giving her extra doubts when she had plenty to wrestle on her own.

"I didn't ask you to run my life. He is doing his best. I am trying very hard to be normal and functional," Chloe said sharply. "I'm sorry I can't just fuck anything with a dick like y-"

A genuinely breathless Lois should have been at least novel, but all Chloe felt was shame as the other woman froze. She had envied her cousin's ease with men, her satisfaction with her job, and the seeming comfort in letting her life flow confidently through to adult life. Even dropping out of college had worked out well for Lois, and it seemed mean of the universe to push so much luck in her face.

Remorse made her swallow hard, but Chloe didn't apologize. Lois was always telling her to stand up for herself. She had fought Lionel to have her own life, and would fight anyone else telling her who was worthy of her time.

"That was out of line. I am okay spending my weekend with Lex, even if it promises to be less of a romantic outing and more of a hassle. He's terrible at being close to people. I have some empathy for that issue, though his is more feelings and less sex. If he is hopeless, so am I."

"I just want you to reserve some of your time for people who are -" Lois paused, obviously trying to phrase something carefully. "I'm worried about the expectations you're forming."

"I'm not looking for a ring, Lo," Chloe told her. "I want to rebuild my sex life. Lex doesn't need help with that, but I can help him have a decent relationship with a woman that doesn't end on the gossip pages the morning after. I know I spend a lot of time with him, and I know it's not going to happily ever after for us. Maybe it's the way I get to happily ever after with someone else."

Swallowing audibly, her cousin shook her head. "Just help yourself the most. You owe yourself a better chance than you had before. And if that means you let Lex go hang the second - the very fucking second - you think you're not getting what you need."

The blonde pursed her lips, looking sadly at the floor for a moment. "I want to trust a man in my life. I'm not swept away by romantic ideas, but I want him to be able to trust me. It means I can't just disappear on him, either. I'm trying to believe in human kindness. I have to show some."

Lois paused, fiddling with the bracelets she wore. "Just be careful."


Lex looked back over his shoulder, his arm stretched forward as Cara pulled him toward the fireplace.

"The space is good," he said, letting himself show enthusiasm for the first time in their many house viewings. "Not small but not a - What did you call that last place?"

"It was a hotel lobby with a kitchenette. The ceilings were thirty feet high for absolutely no reason and there were built in pedestals for statues. I'm pretty sure I went to Romeo and Juliet at Met U. last year and they were using the same set up for the tomb scene," Chloe told him drily. "It was perfect if you want to sit on slabs instead of a sofa."

He walked slowly, trying to ease the dog back without tugging the lease. The walls were an offensively neutral grey, but otherwise the living room was pretty normal.

"Funeral slabs would be easier to remove fur," Lex said.

"You have a housekeeper, and Cara barely sheds."

She peeked down a hallway, finding a tiny laundry room and a side door that led into the garage. The realtor had finally grasped the idea of an understated but luxurious home. The driveway could easily hold a dozen cars but the house was a two storey townhouse. It managed to look almost humble from the street, though Chloe could tell there were at least four bedrooms upstairs.

She had spent a lot more time than anticipated helping him find his house, but Lois had a vastly busier social calendar than her own. Chloe hadn't had big plans for her weekend.

"Do you tell your housekeeper when you go house hunting," she pondered aloud. "I mean, it's definitely more to clean. Is it grounds for renegotiating a salary?"

Lex ignored her, facing the patio doors. He opened the door slightly, and let the dog out to sniff the ground. Chloe joined him, petting the dog as she followed them outside. A wooden walkway turned left and spread out over the lawn to make a seating area nestled under an outcropping of the roof. The simple railing above indicated there was a balcony off one of the bedrooms.

"I like the backyard," he said, taking a long moment to observe the rather ordinary space. His tone sounded a little surprised.

"You're allowed to like it," Chloe told him. "I like it, if that helps. Do you like it, Cara?"

She took the leash so Lex could walk the patio. He had a way of measuring by his steps. It was a little stupid when they could ask the realtor for the actual measurements, but Chloe suspected he was visualizing his life in the house. He continued along the edge of the yard, following the fence.

The dog whined to be free, and Lex rattled the gate. "It's locked. She can run around."

Chloe turned and pulled the patio door shut with an apologetic shrug at the realtor. The list of modest houses was three times as long as the list of mansions. Lex seemed to have taken her advice too seriously when she suggested he look at as many houses as possible.

"We won't be long, Ms. Hatcher. Sorry," she said.

"It's no problem, Ms. Sullivan. Take as much time as you need."

It was flawlessly polite but obviously a lie. They had started before nine that morning, and it was a little past two. Chloe didn't know how the woman was staying upright on her overly fancy shoes. She was wearing sneakers, because Lex seemed impervious to fatigue. It was obviously up to her to remind him none of them had eaten. Cara had needed two walks to do her business and the excitement had waned to determination for everyone but Lex.

He was smiling at the fence, admiring something small about the construction Chloe couldn't spot. She walked onto the grass and sank down beside Cara.

"You're not doing a good job playing it cool," she said, smiling. "It's going to hurt you later when you put in an offer. You won't be able to negotiate your price at all."

"You seem sure I'm going to buy this one," Lex said. "Why?"

He was admiring a corner of the house, touching lightly to test something about how it was put together. Chloe was certain they were both equally ignorant about house building, but she enjoyed his faking it to complete the house hunting experience. All they really needed to sew things up was a quick argument about the size of the closets.

"It's the right . . . scope, maybe? It suits what you need and it feels the way I think you want to live. It's not remotely cheap but it's not chilly. I know you like your space. The yard has spectacular grass for rolling-" She indicated the dog's careful testing of the new ground. "-and it's calm."

Lex stood back, looking up at the house as he smirked. "Calm? No one has accused me of that," he said.

He was very mild around her, careful and thoughtful. He rivaled Clark at his most studious adherence to Martha Kent's strict manners. Lex had dimmed his intensity for her sake, and Chloe tried to pretend they were an ordinary couple as much as she could. It helped to ignore the tangled traumatic history and just like him as a person. So she ignored his question and petted the dog without looking at him.

"I know you pretty well by now. We should insist on looking all through the house, though. It's good business."

"I do like it," Lex told her. "It is the right something. It feels like a good house to live. I know it's nonsense, but it's different than the other properties."

She leaned down and ruffled the dog's ears. "My Dad's house feels like that. I can feel the house around me and I have a sense every room without having to go into them. It's homey because it's familiar. I know it's a just a place and furniture, but it's a form of comfort."

He brushed a palm across his head and nodded, looking pleased at her understanding. "Maybe that's it. I can't say I've felt it before, but it might be here? Once I inspect the upstairs to perform my due diligence."

Chloe was betting he'd found his house. She was sure of it when he sat down on the grass next to her, his hand briefly resting on the small of her back.

[Kit Merlot]

So thrilled to see this lovely fic updated--WOO HOO!!:D

[Actualized Peggy]

I found this fic after randomly feeling the urge of reading some Chlex after YEARS of having given up Smallville completely (Lexana is what did me in... Not even my beloved Chloe could make keep watching after that!)

As I was nearing the last pages of this fic, I began to panic, because I loved it so, especially this part, with Chloe and Lex trying to build a healthier, healing relationship, and iIwanted to see where this is going... So imagine my pleasant surprise when I saw that the last update was only from a few months ago!

So I registered to the forum just to say... Keep the updates coming, please, pretty pretty please!

[cbrunberg]

i enjoy the story.would like to see how chloe and lex relationship goes.