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kitten
5th November 2004, 10:28
The Billionaire Muggings
Smallville PG-13 Fanfiction

SPOILER WARNING: Spoilers abound, up to the current episode in U.S./Canadian release.

Disclaimer: Smallville, the characters therein, and all affiliated copyrighted materials are owned by the WB. This is a work of fanfiction not intended for profit or infringement, only for the pleasure of fans of the series.

Distribution: I have posted these stories and have control of them on this site. I don't want them to be posted anywhere else unless I'm the one posting them. Please take down my stories if you have them posted on another archive site. I understand I can't stop you from doing this but I hope by asking politely you'll respect my work and my wishes. If anyone has more comfort and convenience saving the text of a story to their own computer, I have no problem with that.


A/N: Just a funny idea I had with the clash of reporter and billionaire. I’m not sure how much I’ll get out of it before I run out of steam, but I’ll work on a few more chapters.

The Billionaire Muggings

Chloe Sullivan tossed the strap of her messenger bag over her shoulder, stepping gracefully out of her car. She slammed the door shut, moving around to the trunk, all the while glancing into the dark corners of the parking lot.

“Good a place as any,” she muttered to herself. The trunk swung up under her coaxing and she reached inside to pull out a large box. Flat and rectangular, it could hold myriad things, but the men watching her from the shadows of a doorway didn’t have to guess. She placed it on the dome of the car and lifted off the cover, revealing a swath of tissue paper.

The swish of silk brushed over his spine as Chloe lifted a scrap of material from the box. She seemed to enjoy it, letting the sapphire blue fabric pool in her hands. Giving it a single shake, she lowered it gently back into the box and dropped her bag to the ground. She had shrugged out of her jacket before her audience could wonder what she was doing. The jacket got draped over the car as well, and she gave them a spectacular view of her ass as she bent over and retrieved something from her bag.

Taking another look around her, Chloe rubbed her bare arms. There’s no one there, she chided herself, get to work.

Her fingers were just wrapping underneath the hem of her shirt when a hand touched her back, sending a yelp echoing from her mouth into the night. She stepped sideways and tried to keep track of its owner as she put some distance between her back and the car, spinning around. As long as she wasn’t being held or cornered she had a chance.

So stupid to be here at night, I’m gonna get killed for being stupid.

Chloe sucked in a deep breath to scream, but stopped when her eyes hit Lex Luthor, his hands extended soothingly toward her.

“What do you think you’re doing?” The loud question might as well have been hers but it was delivered in the patented haughty tone only a Luthor could truly get away with.

Her eyes widened, then narrowed dangerously. Bratty rich boy didn’t work on Chloe Sullivan.

“I’m parking in a parking lot, in order to patronize one of your places of business,” she said, pointing over his shoulder to the Talon. “What do you think you’re doing?”

Her hands jutted out on her hips, the posture of female indignation. Lex could almost hear the words in his head: Did you take out the trash yet? Are you saying I look fat? Were you looking at that girl?

He smirked, deliberately angering her so that the other two men could circle behind. If she suspected anything before they could get into position this would never work.

“I just wanted to offer my arm and walk you to the door,” he said. “I’m having better lighting installed over the weekend, but it would be a shame if a mishap should occur here in the interim.”

Riiight, Chloe thought. You’re personally running security in the back parking lot for a coffee shop just as I arrive.

“Don’t you have a party be throwing?” She leaned back on the car, crossing her arms in front of her chest, smug.

Bet you didn’t know I knew about that.

His reaction was a bit of a let down, considering he didn’t even bother to finish the shrug he gave her.

“My staff is able to handle the party until I get there. People are usually vying to arrive fashionably late anyway.”

Chloe knew, in fact she’d been counting on it. She had reached the limits of her patience waiting for him to confide in her, and had given up any hope it would happen without a push. She was going to push him, provided she could get rid of him now.

“Well, I actually don’t need an escort. I can defend myself and it’s not like I’m currently anyone’s target,” she said, ignoring his frown. “Thanks all the same.”

She turned her back to him, knowing it irritated him and enjoying it in a childish way. I don’t have time for this, I still have to get dressed.

Lex stepped up to the car, looking into the dress box and lifting a segment of silk out into the light. He let it slide back down and looked to the woman beside him. She still hadn’t spotted the two bodyguards.

“I would have preferred green with your colouring. It would match your eyes,” he said, his mocking tone somehow complimentary as well.

He paused and continued. “More like this colour, actually.”

Lex tugged on the item in her hand and Chloe felt her face blaze with embarrassment. She had been hoping he hadn’t seen that she was about to take off her shirt. But now he was fingering the push-up bra in her hand and it was pretty clear she was caught.

“Hmmmmm . . .” she sighed. “Fine. You got me. I was going to do some research while you were at your party tonight. I figured I could slip in with the later arrivals.”

Lex smiled. Stubborn as she was, Chloe was always reasonable when she was confronted. He leaned back against the car with her.

“Don’t be too disappointed. I think I would have noticed you there anyway, so we’d just be having this discussion an hour from now,” he said, tilting his head to look at her.

“I had a plan,” she answered, insulted. “The bra is a push-up, the heels are dangerously high and there’s a brunette wig on the backseat. I would have blended in perfectly.”

Lex snickered, amused by her enthusiasm and by the possibilities of her plan if he had let her go through with it. Any brunette woman with a body like Chloe’s who arrived at the party without an invitation would be assumed to be that night’s companion and shown to his bedroom to wait for him. The idea wasn’t at all unattractive for him, but it wouldn’t have done much to get Chloe the information she was looking for.

Unless she could work it out of me, he thought.

Shaking off the hormone surge, Lex stood and took a few steps away from the car. His hand gave the twitch of fingers that was the signal and he grabbed Chloe’s hands before she could move.

“Sorry. Better luck next time.”

The two huge men came out of nowhere and Chloe felt apprehensive. Ever since she had offered her help against Lionel, Lex had gotten bossy. Protective bossy, but still cramping her style. More worrying was that her father seemed to be accepting of most of Lex’s ideas to improve her security, no matter how much she argued.

“Hey!” The men were gathering up the dress, rifling through her bag and taking out her car keys. Unlocking the door, one of them reached in and took out the boxes with the wig and the shoes. Glancing at his employer, the same man pried the bra out of her fingers, carefully avoiding skin contact.

“Dammit, Lex! If you spent half as much time working on world peace as you do pushing me around ‘for my own good’ you’d have us all living in harmony in no time.”

Chloe fought to get her hands free but it was hopeless. The two goons, who looked like extras rejected from The Godfather for being too cliched, held the parts of her disguise in meaty hands. Even if she managed to get her hands free she would need a step ladder to try to get her stuff back.

“Out of curiousity, why did you decide to change in the dark and secluded parking lot that no one uses instead of at home? If you were that desperate for coffee I think you have a problem.”

He is so dead, she thought. Or at least disgraced.

Chloe rolled her eyes and glared at the bane of her existence.

“I was going to try the disguise on Martha to see if it was convincing. I think she would have caught on if I went into the ladies’ room and a stacked brunette came out a few minutes later. She’s not Clark,” she said, unable to resist the jab.

Lex nodded, still amused. “This gentleman will be driving you home in my car and yours will be delivered to you early tomorrow morning.”

One of the goons had handed off his packages to the other and was standing passively. Apparently they were used to accosting innocent young women on Lex’s orders.

He freed her hands and turned away, and Chloe had the demented urge to strangle him from behind. She grabbed her bag from the ground and clenched her fists around it.

I won’t say it, it will just make him laugh, I won’t say-

“I’ll get you for this Luthor!” She yelled the words with all the fury of her frustrated journalistic impulses behind it, but unfortunately he did exactly what she had known he would.

As Lex Luthor laughed his head off, Chloe resolved to make him very sorry he had messed with her. She watched him disappear into the dark with his goon and her bra and she swore vengeance.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ +++++++

“So you’re saying Lex Luthor, the billionaire, stole your car?”

It was the third attempt at telling Pete the story, and Chloe was beginning to worry about her long distance bill. Also, he didn’t seem to be joining her rage as she had hoped. She wanted to bask in their joint hatred but he wasn’t playing along.

“And my wig and my push-up bra.” She said it with vehemence, adding, “And my fuck me pumps! I loved those shoes.”

She grumbled to herself, remembering how much notice those shoes always drew to her when she went to Metropolis or anywhere that wasn’t Smallville.

“Uhm, Chloe . . . “ Pete’s hesitant tone was irritating to the extreme and she could tell he didn’t believe her. Or if he did he wasn’t being supportive. Either way, he was getting yelled at, too.

“I’m not crazy. I’m not!”

lexchloe
5th November 2004, 11:13
hee hee, nice start. More please.

sylvia
5th November 2004, 11:32
Pure genius, I LOVED it! And "I'll get you for this, Luthor!", coming out of Chloe's mouth? Classic. It was a wonderful pick-me-up and it really cheered me up after all the crap spoilers.

So... is this a one-shot piece or do we get more?

Chloe getting her revenge would be really nice to see.

LaLa
5th November 2004, 12:15
:huh: you know, maybe Lex didn't stole all of her stuff just to protect her....I have one hell of a meanie idea but, what if he wants to keep it for himself?! :goof: Well, a Luthor can be trully evil, especially wearing pumps.... :devil:

mouahahahaha! I know, disturbing vision

xoxo LaLa

hfce
5th November 2004, 16:26
:lol: That was the best. You have to write more. :lol:


Hope :D

Little Miss Vixen
5th November 2004, 16:31
That was great, man I'm in stitches, update soon

sydsvaughn
5th November 2004, 18:23
More please ... I have sneaking suspicion Chloe won't let Lex get away with this!

SaraC

S.Ann Smith
5th November 2004, 22:56
more please

AlabamaWorley
6th November 2004, 00:15
:lol: Good stuff! I'm looking forward to Chloe's revenge.

LarkLuthor
6th November 2004, 02:50
MORE! And yes I realise demanding isn't the best motivation but I've been sick for three weeks am this close to histerical so that was really the absolute nicest thing I am capable of, so appriciated it and the fact I took time to respond considering I should be sleeping or doing makeup homework.

Lark

buddyfozzy
6th November 2004, 03:58
Haha! I can't wait to see how she pays Lex back :yay: :yay:

More soon please! :worship2: :worship2: :worship2:

AlwaysPretending
6th November 2004, 05:40
LMAO This was a great beginning, and I can't wait to see what Chloe has in store for Lex now.

I particularly enjoyed this:


I won’t say it, it will just make him laugh, I won’t say-

“I’ll get you for this Luthor!”

:biggrin:

Kerry

chril1
7th November 2004, 21:58
yeah i thought i replied to this but aparently rolling around on the floor laughing doesn't count, i actually have to write about it;

well my sides hurt

my hairs mused up

and my just ironed clothes are now de-ironed

looks like lea was rolling around on the floor laughing again

love lea
xxx

kitten
8th November 2004, 01:27
The Billionaire Muggings
Smallville PG-13 Fanfiction

SPOILER WARNING: Spoilers abound, up to the current episode in U.S./Canadian release.

Disclaimer: Smallville, the characters therein, and all affiliated copyrighted materials are owned by the WB. This is a work of fanfiction not intended for profit or infringement, only for the pleasure of fans of the series.

A/N: Because I’m afraid of Lark and her band of roving fanfic fiends, here’s an update. Anyone can ask politely, but threats really get things done. And that little sad blue guy with the puppy dog eyes works as well, although I keep hoping someone will make a green version because then he would look exactly like Kermit the Frog.

Incidentally I’ve seen an unfortunate man forced to demonstrate this, and it was clearly brutal for him. Oh, sex ed class, I don’t miss you at all.

Chapter Two

“Thanks.”

Chloe’s tone held absolutely no gratitude as she accepted the keys Lex’s goon was holding out to her. It was the one who had walked off with her clothes the night before. The one who had driven her home was waiting in the black luxury car idling in front of her house. Apparently he didn’t want to deal with her personally again.

Chloe smirked and made a big production of waving at him like he was her long-lost, beloved friend. When the other goon climbed back in beside him, his considerable bulk pushing the car at least two inches closer to the ground, she started blowing hugely dramatic kisses to them both, holding her hand over her heart and wiping away crocodile tears. Like good goons they didn’t acknowledge her.

Knowing that Lex had made sure she wouldn’t be hurt, Chloe had enjoyed her ride home. She had mocked the goon with impunity in between bad-mouthing his employer and questioning the dignity of a job in which stealing female undergarments was a required task.

She was pretty sure he had been either amused or insulted, but it was difficult to tell. It hurt her neck to look up far enough to see his face and his shoulders weren’t very expressive.

As Tweedledee and Tweedledum drove off, Chloe sighed. The plan had been a wash but at least Lex had kept his word. Her baby was back and safe as hoooooooow the hell did that get there?

She stared into the familiar interior of her home away from home and found it significantly different. There were red metal bars crisscrossing the roof of the little car and her comfortably worn in seat belts had been replaced with harnesses complicated enough to need an instruction manual. They weren’t even the same seats! Chloe looked at the dashboard in horror as she saw the mounted GPS and OnStar consoles. In the slot where her loyal stereo had served her well on many long trips, there was a flashy CD/DVD player combo with a ten inch tv monitor.

Chloe cautiously sat in the new interior, taking it all in. It must have cost tens of thousands of dollars, especially considering Lex had possession of the car less than twelve hours and would have had to pay a mechanic to install it all during the night. She wiggled her butt around in the seat, noticing the extra plushness over the factory installed ones.

This is kind of nice, she allowed. I guess he felt guilty for impeding my career so he decided to make amends. I’m still going to hurt him to the best of my ability, but I think I’ll still talk to him afterwards.

Running a hand over her new electronics panel, Chloe turned to look in the back seat and gasped.

“That jerk! He gutted my baby!”

She looked around the small car as if what she was searching for would appear, tears of rage welling up in her eyes. Chloe angrily shoved the keys into the ignition, started the engine and drove off without even bothering to try putting on her seat belt.


++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ++++++++

When she stormed into the castle the two maids doing the dusting in the entryway scattered. They had standing orders about Miss Sullivan’s visits, both from father and son Luthor: You’ve never seen her here.

She flew like a cold wind into the study and kept moving until her palms were pressing down on the paperwork in front of Lex. The glass and metal desk actually rattled and he looked up with shock.

“Chloe, can’t we just let this drop? I’ve got work to do,” he said, calmly twitching one of her fingers out of the way to add his signature.

“You defiled my car. I’m not leaving until you make it right,” Chloe screeched, enraged.

Lex finished the signature and pushed his chair back, leaning casually. “Dean and Salvatore delivered your car with a scratch?”

Chloe squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head. “Who?”

“Dean and Salvatore are the bodyguards who were with me last night,” he supplied.

“Oh, the goons,” she said, missing the flicker of a smile that crossed Lex’s face. “No they did just fine considering they seem to have a combined IQ of twelve.”

She slumped into one of the chairs in front of his desk, her lack of coffee overtaking the adrenaline high of her anger.

“I didn’t come here to fight with you. You caught me, I’m over it. But you had no right to do what you did to my car. I want it returned to the way it was,” she said.

Lex was about to mock her love of the car when he saw the serious set of her face. The changes that he had intended as a way of soothing her anger over his rather underhanded actions had hurt her.

“I’m not sure what you think my intentions were, but I don’t expect anything in return,” he said.

Frustrated, Chloe sighed loudly.

“I never asked you to pimp my ride, Lex! I can’t believe you did this. It’s such a violation. I liked my car as it was. It had . . . sentimental value.”

Lex considered what he had asked his mechanics to add; electronic components, some safety features and new seats. Try as he might, he couldn’t figure out why she was so upset. They were all improvements as far as he knew.

“Chloe, I specifically instructed my mechanics to be leave all your personal belongings alone. If you’ll check, you'll find that everything they found in the car is stored in the trunk. No one looked through any of it.”

“I’m talking about what they took from the car itself. I want my seats back and I want it done now,” she said.

Her voice was full of anger and resentment with an undercurrent of upset, and Lex found himself regretting his actions. He had known that he was overstepping his role when he ordered the changes to her car. However, as was typical in the face of Chloe’s criticism, he found himself defending what he had done.

“I would think that you would be grateful I’d shown an interest in your safety when all you seem to do is put yourself in harm’s way by following childish impulses. My people spent hours making that car safer for you and your various misadventures and I’m not inclined to call them back in on no sleep to negate all that hard work.”

His voice was hard and cold, but Chloe wasn’t intimidated. Over a year of sparring with him over matters of life and death had made her more or less immune to all his tricks.

She sat up and leaned forward, trying to appeal to his sense of fairness.

“I don’t think I’m asking too much here, Lex. I’ll leave the car here and you can get it back to me tomorrow, but I’ll need it back on Monday for school.”

Lex steepled his fingers together and leaned his elbows on the arms of his chair, bearing a rather unfortunate resemblance to Mr. Burns. Chloe waited for him to sneer ‘exxxxxxcellent,’ but he only shook his head.

“Again, I’m not inclined to do that. The roll bar and the four-point seat belts aren’t the sportiest features on a vehicle but they may very well keep you alive someday,” he said.

Possibly later today when I drive into you on purpose to prove it, he thought. Had she always been this persistent?

Chloe went limp, letting her head fall back over the chair and sighing loudly. “It’s not enough to ruin my career prospects, now he wants to ruin my sex life, too,” she muttered to herself.

“I wasn’t aware my actions had any bearing on your sex life, Chloe.”

He didn’t just hear that. I was muttering to myself. He was eavesdropping on a private conversation. Jerk.

She sat up straight and ignored the redness she knew was lighting up every inch of skin above her waist. Keeping her voice neutral and her eyes mild, Chloe tried one last time to ask nicely.

“I only want my back seat. Just give it back and I’ll go to a garage and get it reinstalled, and we can forget this entire incident ever happened.”

Lex really did try to suppress his smirk, but it was the funniest thing he’d heard in years.

“You have a lucky back seat?” His amused tone made her enraged, and Chloe found herself flushed with that as well as embarrassment.

“That’s not the point,” she said, gathering up the last of her dignity. “I don’t see why this has to be so difficult. I just want it back.”

Lex smiled. For whatever reason, pushing her to be rude to him was something he enjoyed. He had been worried that she was seriously angry with him this time, but now that he knew what was bothering her he had no compunctions about teasing her.

“In the interest of safety I’m not sure returning the luck to your car is wise. While Gabe seems open to the idea of grandchildren, he probably isn’t expecting them anytime soon. Teenage boys aren’t known for their ability to properly use a condom.”

He watched as her mouth opened in shock, a perfect O of pink lips and outrage. Her hands groped for the purse she had thrown down next to her chair and Lex briefly considered a mental picture of her standing over his pepper sprayed, prone body.

“So, all I have to do is convince you that I’m capable of using a condom and I get my back seat,” she said. “Done.”

Her hand closed around something from the bag and she jumped up, running over to the coffee table in front of the fireplace. She peered into the fruit bowl and furrowed her brow.

“No bananas. I’ll just have to improvise.”

She was standing beside his chair before Lex could move and he found his hand being cradled in one of hers against her stomach.

“It’s an extra large, here, give me three fingers. Be the banana.” Chloe flattened his hand and bent his little finger down. Her free hand brought a condom package up to her mouth, tearing it open with her teeth.

“Of course, you shouldn’t open a condom with your teeth because you might tear it, but that won’t be an issue here,” she continued with the lesson, rolling the condom over his fingers with practiced ease.

He wasn’t sure why, but Lex sat quietly though all of her actions, stunned by everything. Stunned by what she was doing, by the familiarity with which she did it, by the fact that she carried extra large condoms in her purse and considered her car’s back seat lucky. Stunned that he wasn’t stopping her.

Chloe watched his expression go to the complete blankness of shock, happy with herself.

“So?” She waved his own hand in front of his face, now ready for safe sex.

It was at that moment-Chloe’s personal favourite moment of the day-when the doors of the study opened to admit five stuffy looking men carrying briefcases.

Apparently they have an appointment, she thought, desperately trying to fight back hysterical laughter. She dropped his hand and darted around the desk, grabbing her bag and yelling over her shoulder at the frozen billionaire.

“I’ll be expecting the goons to deliver my car by Monday!”

As she pushed through the awkward group of men in the doorway, Lex’s stupor left him enraged. The rational part of his mind tried to find a way to gloss over the horrible circumstances for his business associates as he tried to peel the condom off his fingers. The irrational part of his mind didn’t bother with justifying anything and it sent him out of his chair and roaring.

“Dammit, CHLOE!”

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ++++++++

Clark glanced at Chloe in the passenger seat of the truck, wondering if what she was telling him was true. She had called him on her cellphone for a ride, asking him to pick her up in the woods behind Luthor Mansion.

“So, Lex made you put a condom on him in return for fixing up your car?” He asked with confusion. He just didn’t think Lex would do something like that. It was sexual harassment or something.

Chloe shook her head, biting back the hearty laughter that had made her escape so difficult. A huge guffaw broke loose before she could stop it, digging her fingernails into her knees to tamp it down.

“No, putting the condom on him was my idea. I don’t know what he wanted me to do, but he was taking too long in asking.”

“Okay.” She could tell Clark still didn’t understand and she didn’t bother to help him out.

“If he hadn’t spent a bunch of money improving my car I never would have humiliated him like that,” she said. “And it’s not my fault he doesn’t have a well-stocked fruit bowl.”

Clark couldn’t think of anything else to say to her after that.

asharnanae
8th November 2004, 01:41
:biggrin: OMG!!! thats one classic situation!!!! :yay: MORE!

buffiy18
8th November 2004, 02:14
:huh: /wow, that was hillarious. Loved it! You MUST update this soon. It is just too good ! And poor Clark... what must be going through his head.

:chlexsign3:

sydsvaughn
8th November 2004, 02:18
I can just SEE Lex's face ...

This was priceless!!

SaraC

hfce
8th November 2004, 02:28
:lol: This is so funny. Chloe is a real bitch. :lol: More please.......


Hope :D

AlwaysPretending
8th November 2004, 07:29
Well, well, well, the look on Lex's face when those guys walked in...I'm sure it was a Kodak moment :)

Keep up the great work!

Kerry

Béatrice
8th November 2004, 10:33
Originally posted by nonky@Nov 8 2004, 01:27 AM
She waved his own hand in front of his face, now ready for safe sex.


:lol: :lol: Thats's really funny.

I can't wait to read more. :chlexsign3:

sylvia
8th November 2004, 13:47
They had standing orders about Miss Sullivan’s visits, both from father and son Luthor: You’ve never seen her here.
Love the way there are so many hints of the backstory in this.

And the humour... gah. I'm wiping tears of mirth out of my eyes as I type. But poor Lex, to get embarrassed like that in front of his clients.

Give us some more of this great fic!

AlabamaWorley
8th November 2004, 17:29
I had to read this with my hand firmly clamped over my mouth so as not to burst out laughing right here in the office, where I'm supposed to be... er... well, not reading fanfics :lol: So just for you, your guy in green... http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v290/shhmommy/kermit1.gif

Kit Merlot
8th November 2004, 19:03
This story is friggin' awesome :biggrin:

Very funny--I love it :chlexsign2:

lexchloe
8th November 2004, 23:39
:pclol: :pclol: .......Ahem that was hilarious!!! More please

chril1
9th November 2004, 00:11
yeah hilarious

love lea
xxx

buddyfozzy
9th November 2004, 01:56
ROFLMFAO!!!! :yay: :worship2: :yay2: :worship2: :yay:

campbti
9th November 2004, 05:52
So funny I have no words, just huge side splitting laughter.

:lol: :lol: :lol:

MORE...MORE....MORE

tiger04
9th November 2004, 06:41
that was a great chappy. i can't wait for the next chapter. please update soon.

AT

katspell
9th November 2004, 11:11
*snicker* Ok, Lex's turn.

I just love her trying to explain to Pete and Clark what happened and them totaly not getting it. Gimme more please.

hateSmallvilleLoveChlex
9th November 2004, 11:41
:hehe: I liked it.

Of couse I could've handled Clark and Pete's mental version of the situation as well. :eyebrows:

Update soon.

autumngold
10th November 2004, 01:52
This is such a great story!! I can't stop laughing about the picture of Lex with his fingers in a condom!! I can't wait to read more!! Please, please update soon!! :biggrin: :chlexsign1: :biggrin:

S.Ann Smith
11th November 2004, 22:25
Lex steepled his fingers together and leaned his elbows on the arms of his chair, bearing a rather unfortunate resemblance to Mr. Burns. Chloe waited for him to sneer ‘exxxxxxcellent,’ but he only shook his head.

oh god :hehe: :lol:

that's the ultimate description of Lex's serious/evil face...



and just cuz you asked nicely :puppyeyes: (just pretend it's green :blinkkiss:)

kitten
13th November 2004, 21:39
The Billionaire Muggings
Smallville PG-13 Fanfiction

SPOILER WARNING: Spoilers abound, up to the current episode in U.S./Canadian release.

Disclaimer: Smallville, the characters therein, and all affiliated copyrighted materials are owned by the WB. This is a work of fanfiction not intended for profit or infringement, only for the pleasure of fans of the series.

A/N: It took me a while to come up with something to top the last chapter, so I had to make a bigger audience for the hijinks. I’m also willing to work with suggestions of horrible things they can do to each other. Enjoy!

Chapter Three

Chloe sipped her coffee happily, idly opening files in her laptop. Clark was sitting across from her, but he wasn’t very good company. She suspected he was still freaking out quietly over whatever he thought had happened when she visited Lex. She looked over and caught him sizing up her chest, but he didn’t notice.

“Everything okay, Clark?”

His guilty jump told Chloe he had been picturing her naked, most likely in some kind of PG-13 setting with Lex. She put her cup down and regarded him kindly.

“Clark, nothing really happened yesterday. It’s fine. You don’t need to worry about it.”

He gave her a look that she was sure was meant to convey something, but it came off flat and meaningless. “I talked to Lex last night and he sounded really strange. I think you really made him mad. I don’t want my two best friends fighting.”

He was getting more like Lana every day, she thought. Of course he was worried about himself via Lex. If Lex was pissed off, who would be Clark and Lana’s genie? They still had so many wishes and Christmas was fast approaching.

“I’ll handle it, Clark.” She was fixing him with an intense warning look when Lex walked into The Talon and it came as a complete surprise when he dropped into the booth beside her.

“Hello Clark.” His arm dropped heavily over her shoulders and Chloe knew instantly that she was boxed in. Her only way out was to shrug out of his hold and get under or over the table in one or two seconds.

Impossible, she thought.

The Sunday crowd had been sparse and laconic, but there was new energy with Lex in the room. Gossip was in the offing and every good townsperson knew what the show was. Martha Kent appeared beside the table and deposited a coffee with whipped topping in front of Chloe, nodding at Lex.

“Can I get you something, Lex?” She didn’t miss the near-stranglehold he had on Smallville’s most notorious barely legal reporter, but her maternal senses weren’t alarmed yet. She would intervene if Chloe started looking uncomfortable, because god knows Clark would never notice.

“I’ll have what the lady’s having,” Lex said with a squeeze to his blond ‘friend.’

Clark watched with eyes as big as saucers. He had been puzzling over the bizarre events of the previous day, but this was almost as strange. Lex and Chloe were cuddling, in public, with what looked like a great deal of physical familiarity. As his mother walked back behind the counter he hissed at the couple.

“What’s up with you guys?”

Mild glances from both of them made him want to sigh out loud.

“I don’t know what you mean, Clark, I was just stopping by to see Chloe since we got . . . interrupted the other day.”

Lex’s smooth tone made it sound normal, but Chloe could barely catch the laughter that bubbled up from her throat. She was fairly certain she had been laughing in her sleep, seeing that gobsmacked expression replay on Lex’s face hundreds of times.

“It was one of our finest moments together,” she said, nodding sagely. Her hand patted his knee in an offhand manner and she wondered if her pickpocketing skills were still up to par. “I hope your meeting was advantageous.”

His voice was friendly but his fingers were in danger of punching through her skin.

“Well, I’m not expecting any of my employees to shake my hand anytime soon, but it was fine, thanks.”

Minx, he thought. That little incident will get to Metropolis by next week and Gotham the week after.

Chloe shook her head in reproach. “That’s very narrow-minded of them,” she said, angling her face up to his. “Safe sex is a commendable practice and nothing to be ashamed of.”

Clark looked to be displaying all the symptoms of cardiac arrest and they ignored him pointedly. Lex kept his grip firm while he slouched down enough to look at her.

“In fairness, I am suffering some skin irritation on one of my hands due to a latex allergy.” He displayed his free hand and Chloe studied it, conceding there was some redness on the fingers she had ‘protected.’

She sipped her coffee casually. “Also in fairness, I wasn’t informed of any such allergy. If I had known I certainly would have offered to use another type of prophylactic.”

Martha returned with Lex’s coffee at that moment, just as Clark started choking on air. She patted him on the back and watched as both Lex and Chloe pasted on identical innocent expressions. Nobody here but us chickens.

“Thank you, Martha.” Lex brought the cup up to his lips and tasted it. “Very good. What is it?”

“It’s a new drink actually,” she said. “Chloe offered to test-drive it for me and see if she could come up with a name.”

The couple, who were clearly up to no good in her mother’s eyes, drank simultaneously and their eyes met. They exchanged sweet smiles that were entirely unexpected, and Clark took a huge sip of his hot chocolate and choked again.

“Caramel-Mint Mocha,” Lex offered as a suggestion.

Before Martha could reply Chloe poked Lex in the stomach. “You have to wait another three minutes at least. There’s a bunch of undertones that you can’t taste when it’s too hot.”

Without hesitation, the young billionaire took her cup and brought it to his lips, and Chloe retrieved his. She drank deeply of the fuller cup and licked whipped cream off her mouth, holding up four fingers in his direction.

“Name them.”

Lex lowered the cup and listed the flavours he could find. “Semisweet chocolate, nutmeg, orange and . . . “ He took another taste and somehow shrugged around his armful of Chloe and coffee. “Cherry maybe. Some tangy fruit.”

Martha watched it all in wonder. She had always known Lex and Chloe were outsiders to Smallville but seeing them together it was striking how well they got along. It was like watching ‘Casablanca’ and then being told the lead actors went on to get married. It seemed unlikely for no good reason until you finally saw it.

Sneaking a glance at her apoplectic son, Martha thought he might be seeing it as well. She rested a supportive hand on Clark’s shoulder and smiled gently.

You’d better get used to it, honey, Chloe is going to be pretty busy with admirers once she gets to college.

“It’s raspberry actually. Caramel-Mint Raspberry Mocha,” the young reporter pronounced. “Would you like to try some, Clark?”

He shook his head and slumped into his seat, and Lex found it amusing. If he could teach Clark how to read nuances of behaviour he would consider himself a very valuable friend to the boy.

“I’ll add it to the menu then,” Martha said. “Caramel-Mint Raspberry Mocha. Thank you.”

She busied herself behind the counter within hearing distance of the table, and looked around the room at the rapt audience. If I could get them in here on a weeknight I could charge admission.

“Dean and Salvatore miss you immensely, by the way,” Lex said. “They said if I ever go mad with power and need someone to put me down like a rabid dog, you’re exactly that person.”

“I’m the go-to-gal,” she snarked. “And you know I’d kill you in a second.”

She patted the hand on her shoulder comfortingly and every eye in the room followed the motion.

“Guys, for my sake, please just try to be civil,” Clark whined.

“We’re just having a talk, no worries.” Chloe moved her hand toward Lex’s pocket but he made a show of looking down obviously. She felt a blush roll over her face as she realized how it must look to the other patrons. Hand firmly back on her own lap, she continued speaking. “I guess my car is just about ready, huh? And as lucky as ever?”

He shrugged and it dislodged her shirt slightly. His fingers were resting on soft, bare skin but Lex refused to give up his retribution.

“Dean said something about needing to put sugar in the gas tank, but it’s about finished. Do you have a date tonight?”

His smirk infuriated Chloe and she shot back tightly. “No, just Clark. There’s not much point in luck with a friend like him.”

Clark wasn’t sure how he’d become the butt of the joke, but they were both looking at him with smiles. He mumbled something as an excuse and went to sulk in the men’s room. With the table clear of innocent bystanders, the battle began in earnest.

“I can’t believe you humiliated me like that in front of people I have to work with.”

“I can’t believe you’re so pushy and bossy and vain that you can’t handle a taste of your own medicine.”

They had pushed off to separate corners of the booth and Chloe reached for her coffee, dipping the spoon into the piled whipped cream. She let it drip off and then raised it like a catapult, tilting it at Lex.

“I want my car, complete and lucky. Where is it?”

He looked at the spoon derisively. “You won’t do it.”

“Oh yeah?” Damn, Chloe thought, I didn’t actually plan on flicking him with whipped cream but now that it’s a dare I feel I should.

“Yeah,” he replied, sneering.

It was the tone of his voice that did it, and Chloe would only remember a great yawning chasm of silence following a gasp from every person in viewing range. She had flicked Lex Luthor, billionaire and town pariah, with whipped cream and hit him right between the eyes.

Blue eyes opened around the foamy mess, and she gulped. He was livid.

Her mouth opened on an apology but it wouldn’t come out. She was afraid to say or do anything to break the shocked silence of the man who was still in striking distance. His hand moved toward his own coffee and she tensed, but he picked up a napkin instead. He ran it over his forehead and looked at her wryly.

“Was that really necessary?” The blazing rage wasn’t there anymore and Chloe made a silent vow to find a better hobby than poking the most dangerous bear she could find.

“The spoon . . . slipped?”

More convincing excuses had been delivered by her five-year-old self, but Lex nodded and sat back into the booth comfortably. She was still trapped unless he let her out.

“Drink your coffee before it gets cold,” he said, nothing but friendly tones to be found. Happy friends drinking coffee together, just like, well, Friends. No blood oaths of eternal comeuppance to see here, folks.

Chloe inched her hand toward the table, trying to keep her body squished back from him as far as possible. The scant no-man’s-land between them was the only security she had.

She flinched as the metal spoon clattered onto the table, but Lex was sipping his coffee sedately.

“So, how many of The Talon coffees have you named?”

Having snagged her coffee without incident, Chloe and the cup were huddled together into the upholstery and trying to look little. Don’t worry, she thought, patting her coffee like a puppy. It’s a public place.

“A dozen maybe. My suggestions aren’t always appropriate,” she said, rolling her eyes. Lex could hear air quotes around the last word and he could just imagine the adjectives an addict like her might come up with for a new coffee experience.

“The Spank-Me-Harder Hot Chocolate Cappuccino was probably the closest I’ve ever gotten to getting it on the sign, but someone intervened.”

He quirked his eyebrows and allowed the left side of his mouth to do the same. “Better luck next time, I’m sure.”

“I’ll keep trying,” Chloe confirmed.

She paused and they both sipped, eyeing each other. “So, is my car lucky again?”

“I’ve never seen any evidence that it was ever lucky,” he said. “But I would be willing to help you conduct an experiment to settle it.”

“Thanks, but I think that experiment would require a - research partner - who isn’t known to be lucky in his own right on three out of seven continents.”

“Touché.” He didn’t seem offended and Chloe had to force herself to leave it at that. With someone so unflappable in front of her she just itched to make him flap.

She slouched comfortably on the seat, putting down her empty cup. Relaxed and filled with good coffee, she closed her eyes for a long blink. Lex looked at her, then his eyes moved to the men’s room door, which was opening.

He swooped in to grab Chloe by the shoulders, picking her up and pulling her into his lap as he scooted out from the table. He let her hands free to put one arm under her knees and the other under her back. She wasn’t heavy and her fists weren’t doing much damage, but he glared down at her anyway, for the practice.

“Wha-HEY! Lex, put me down.” Chloe stopped the ineffectual punching and tried to find a handhold on his torso so she lever herself up and onto her feet. His silk shirt was slippery and he kept her held firmly as he passed Clark.

“Excuse us,” Lex said, turning sideways to step by the boy and behind the counter. Martha had seen the writing on the wall and she was in the kitchen, listening intently. Clark gaped as Lex and Chloe wrestled, the blond eventually ending up pinned between the counter and his body. Her arms were moving over the counter behind her back, probably looking for a weapon, but there was no time.

Lex leaned his lower body into Chloe’s to keep her there, and armed himself. The Talon had regular cans of whipped cream, but there was also a pressurized dispenser that released the topping from a spout with a trigger.

He was going to shoot her because it was the least she deserved.

Chloe flailed around but she couldn’t find as much as a plastic butter knife to defend herself. As the first hit of chilly cream struck her chest, she yelped and her hand closed over a muffin.

“Ahhhhhhh! Lex! LEX!” Her back arched over the counter in an indecent pose, especially since the counter hid whatever was going on below the waist.

She was loud, he thought, moving the spray around so that it would soak her entire upper body. Once he could see her bra clearly through the white shirt, he pulled on the collar and squirted whipped cream inside.

Holstering his weapon, he stepped back from the young woman, staying close enough to catch her if she slipped on the messy floor.

Chloe’s eyes stayed closed for a few seconds, then she opened them to find a smirking Luthor. She stood up straight and squared her shoulders, hoping that it was even a bit convincing. Her hand was stuck to the crushed muffin and she held it out to him.

“Muffin?”

“Yes, Pooky?” He grinned as she frowned, but Chloe got herself under control.

She smiled. “You missed my face.” It was true, there wasn’t a speck of whipped cream above her neck.

“I hit my target,” he replied, his eyes directed to her visible undergarment. Chloe looked down as well and found her red bra clearly outlined in her wet white shirt. “Would you like my jacket?”

Her chin rose proudly and Chloe bluffed as best she could. “It’s actually supposed to be worn this way, nipple chic, you know.”

She deposited the ruined muffin on a plate and walked back to the booth. Folding up her laptop, she grabbed her purse and called over to Clark.

“Clark, are you ready to leave now?” Her ride home was rooted to the spot on the floor where he had been when Lex had manhandled her behind the counter and he didn’t answer.

“Clark?” Lex waved a hand in front of his face and was alarmed to see no response. “Martha!”

The woman came out of the kitchen immediately and led her son to a table. She waved off Lex’s help. “He’ll be fine in a minute, I’m sure.”

Chloe and Lex gave a simultaneous shrug and Martha looked at the damage they had done to her neat workspace. “Perhaps you two should go. I’ll have Clark call you when he’s feeling up to it.”

“Sorry about the mess, Mrs. Kent.”

“Nonsense, Chloe, sometimes these things need to be done.” She set a glass of water in front of Clark and watched with everyone else as Lex walked up to Chloe. She faced him admirably for a girl in a wet shirt and he smiled at her as he pulled on his jacket.

“Can you drive me home?” She knew it came out slightly whiney, but she was sticky in a bad way and oddly cold.

Lex threw her a set of car keys. “No need, your car’s right out front.” He took one last swipe at his face with a napkin and walked out, leaving Chloe with the mostly unsatisfying need for violence.

At least the murderous rage would keep her warm.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ +++++

Pete called her that night, while she was struggling through some obscure chemistry knowledge.

“Lex Luthor shot you with his whipped cream gun?!”

“So you talked to Clark already?”

“CHLOE!”

“Everything you’ve heard is true, Pete. Goodnight.” She had her finger just over the disconnect button when he pleaded.

“Don’t hang up, don’t hang up . . . “

“What is it, Pete?”

She could hear him sigh. “I’m just . . . sorry I laughed at you a couple of days ago. If you’re mixed up with him I’m here for you.”

Aww, I miss you Pete, she thought.

“Thank you, but I’m not angry at you. I’m saving all the hate for Lex.”

“What did he do this time, except make a scene at The Talon?”

“He offered to test out the back seat of my car with me, but I told him he would skew the experiment.”

Pete was confused. “Skew what experiment?”

“Well, if I’m going to test out my back seat for luck I don’t think it should be with a man who has consistently been lucky just about everywhere he’s ever been. If there’s no chance I won’t have sex with him, how does that prove anything?”

He made a choking noise and Chloe realized her explanation had been a little misleading. “You know, because I’ll need the experiment’s results to be conclusive for my car so I can prove him wrong.”

“I have to go now. I’ll talk to you later.”

Pete Ross went to bed shortly thereafter, complaining of a headache.

Blackberry
13th November 2004, 22:22
hahahahaha! Those two... talon! Whipped Cream!! mahahahaha! :)

Clark innocence! LOL

awesome update!

BB

lexchloe
13th November 2004, 23:07
:biggrin: :lol:

buddyfozzy
13th November 2004, 23:08
HAHA! Whipped cream :hehe: Great update :chlexsign3:

autumngold
13th November 2004, 23:43
Chloe had to be crazy to believe that Lex wouldn't get even!! :biggrin: Thanks for the great chapter!! Please, please post more soon!! I can't wait to find out what Chloe will do next!! :yay2: :chlexsign1: :yay2:

tiger04
14th November 2004, 00:27
More please.

Please please please update more soon

AT

asharnanae
14th November 2004, 00:54
:biggrin: damn, now that was just amazeing!! MORE!!!! :worship2:

hfce
14th November 2004, 02:27
This is the most funniest thing I have ever read. Those two are a riot. :lol:



Hope :lol:

sydsvaughn
14th November 2004, 03:35
You just can't go wrong with Chloe, Lex and whipped cream. Really, you can't. :)

SaraC

sylvia
14th November 2004, 05:15
Haha. I love the way Lex took his time to exact his "revenge". And Clark as a spectator... heh.


picturing her naked, most likely in some kind of PG-13 setting with Lex.
So farmboy typical :rolleyes:

So, how about whipped cream in a different kind of setting, next chapter? *hinthint* :devil:

buffiy18
14th November 2004, 05:25
Great update! I loved the whole thing! :wub:

:chlexsign3:

Béatrice
14th November 2004, 12:01
:hehe: :hehe: Their argurments are definitely the prove that they want each other.

More please. :worship2:

Rae
14th November 2004, 15:31
With someone so unflappable in front of her she just itched to make him flap.

Heh, heh, heh. We all want to make Lex flap, Chloe.

:ohmy: Did I say that?


Hilarious fic!

AlabamaWorley
14th November 2004, 17:11
I'm so glad I was fic-reading at home for once, because I would have thoroughly embarrassed myself at work! Great update!!

FroggyJump
15th November 2004, 04:16
I don't normally venture into humour because I'm always playing catch up with other fics but this fic has just shown me why I should read this category more often. Loved the humour. Can't wait to read more

Kit Merlot
15th November 2004, 19:32
Great update!

I wish that someone would tell Chloe that she will have her fill of male attention once she leaves Smallville. At least she has Lex noticing how wonderful she is.

And Martha,once again, kicks ass :biggrin:

kitten
16th November 2004, 22:49
The Billionaire Muggings
Smallville PG-13 Fanfiction

SPOILER WARNING: Spoilers abound, up to the current episode in U.S./Canadian release.

Disclaimer: Smallville, the characters therein, and all affiliated copyrighted materials are owned by the WB. This is a work of fanfiction not intended for profit or infringement, only for the pleasure of fans of the series.

A/N: This is a different kind of prank, and it’s going to take a few chapters to build, but I promise it will be funny once I get there. In the meantime, here’s some jealous Lex.

Chapter Four

Lex didn’t usually lounge around the Talon in the afternoon, but he thought it was only fair to give Chloe an opportunity to get him back. He sipped his coffee and acknowledged that he also didn’t want to see the castle’s staff members have to deal with the fallout of whatever she might do to him there.

Being in public was safer, at least in theory.

It had been three days since he and Chloe had had their whipped cream tussle and he hadn’t heard from her. Clark and Lana had both said she seemed happy and content, but it wasn’t as if he could take their opinions very seriously. She was a good actor and other teenagers seemed more than comfortable in believing her when she lied about her well-being.

He looked up as the door opened and was pleased to see the subject of his thoughts striding in. She was wearing a dazzling smile and a rather short plaid skirt without stockings. The sway of the skirt with her walk nearly revealed more than it should, somewhat restricted by her long, wine coloured coat. A tiny purse dangled from her fingers and she twirled it as she sauntered to the counter, turning to him along the way.

“Hi Lex.” The greeting was bright, chipper and entirely suspect. He wasn’t falling for the innocent act, especially since he’d used it only a few days ago to lull her into a false sense of security.

Chloe kept moving past his table and greeted Martha Kent with the same enthusiasm. Lex felt his eyebrows arch questioningly. Perhaps she was just that happy to be so near to a fix.

He watched as Martha took her order, surprised when Chloe called over her shoulder at him.

“Lex, do you want a refill you don’t have to get up for?”

He paused. Accepting the coffee meant he would be vulnerable to any tampering she might have done, but the distance was so short it was probably hopelessly paranoid of him to be considering it. On the other hand, he wryly considered, if anyone had that right . . .

Aware that she was impatient with all things coffee, he replied spontaneously.

“Sure.”

Chloe smiled as Martha handed her a massive to-go cup, then a mug for Lex. She knew he was watching and held it within his view as she turned around.

“Black like your soul,” she quipped, sketching a little curtsey as she set it down. “On me. See you later.”

She whirled and Lex felt a bit insulted. “What? You think I’m lazy now?”

Her giggle was as light and carefree as the irritating debutantes he avoided by hiding in coat closets at parties, but it didn’t grate on him like he expected. It tinkled like fine crystal raised in a toast.

Chloe shook her head and turned around, still yearning toward the door.

“I offered. But I’m meeting someone.”

He tried to see a change in her face that signified who she was meeting and why, but there was only happiness and a bit of hurry. Maybe she’s just running late, he thought. Ackham’s Razor.

He nodded. “I just wanted to ask if the car is satisfactory.”

The inquiry got a huge change in expression, from quietly happy to a blissful chuckle let out around a preening twist of satisfied lips. It was almost jarring and certainly sexually charged.

“It’s improving my life considerably every minute I’m in it. Thank you, Lex. I’m sorry I made it so hard on you to do something nice.” The Cheshire grin was still there, but her voice was sincerely grateful.

“You’re quite welcome.” He took a sip of his coffee and toasted her with it to cover up the fact he had no idea what to say next.

Chloe headed out the door, calling over her shoulder. “See you later.”

Lex sipped his coffee and tried to translate the satisfied smirk when he had mentioned the car. He was glad she liked it but what could be so pleasurable to -

Could it be that Chloe had been getting lucky in her new, improved bug?

HIs coffee was still piping hot when he pushed it away, finding no enjoyment in the beverage, and Martha watched as he left a few minutes later.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ++++

She giggled between verses of Cake’s “Short Skirt, Long Jacket,” singing along when she had the breath. He had looked so confused and it was wonderful. Revenge would be sweet.

“ She is fast and thorough and sharp as a tack, she is touring the facility and picking up the slack . . . “

Driving along the highway outside Smallville, Chloe looked from the smiling man sitting in the passenger seat to her sexy underwear in the back seat and nearly purred in contentment.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ +++++

“And if we continue on the current steady increases in production for the next five years, we’ll need a new storage facility in 2009 with the opportunity for leasing . . . “

Lex tuned out the boring facts he already knew to think about the nagging suspicions that were plaguing him. He had set Chloe up with a car that was virtually a bedroom with the front seats folded down, and it bothered him.

He contemplated his options. Calling Gabe about her behaviour seemed creepy and overbearing, since the man assumed his association with Chloe was mostly in regard to Lionel. It would be a hard sell to call up and complain that she was sexually active without having to answer a lot of questions.

Gabe, I just wanted to tell you I furnished your daughter with a fully-functioning shag wagon featuring a lucky back seat, but don’t worry - I know for a fact she can use a condom responsibly. She put one on me in two seconds flat. If you could just figure out who she’s sleeping with it would really satisfy my curiosity. See you around.

Lex got the feeling Clark was equally in the dark about what Chloe was doing with her free time, and Lana was usually too self-involved to help. He would have to do some good old fashioned Chloe Sullivan snooping.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ++++

Lex deemed it too intrusive for Dean or Salvatore to tail Chloe everywhere, instead doing the best he could after work and in the evenings. He would be at his post in the Talon by three p.m. and she showed up by four. Unfortunately her visits were typically short and he didn’t feel he could push too hard without being obvious. She sometimes mentioned where she was going, but most of the time the only information he collected was about what had already happened.

Today she had stayed to sit and talk with him, but it was clear she was packing up to leave.

“Only half an hour of coffee time? I’m either impressed or concerned,” he said, trying to stay casual. Her purse was already draped over her shoulder and the jacket she wore against the fall chill was over one arm. Her smile twinkled at him as she applied a shiny lip gloss and shrugged into the other half of the jacket.

“I’m pretty busy lately,” she said noncommittally. “And my coffee can come with me.”

She cradled the insulated cup to her chest and Lex was struck by his resentment for the innocent object. Every day she came in and said hello, ordering a cup that she could take with her. It was as if she was avoiding him, but taunting him at the same time by coming in for the daily caffeine shot. He might get a short period of her notice, but someone else was getting the majority of her social time.

Lex had thought about the line crossed if he followed her in his car, and had decided it was something he wasn’t willing to do at the moment. However, in the two weeks since the last prank Chloe had become very happy and he was dying to know why. She didn’t even seem to remember it was her turn to get him back.

If he didn’t know better, Lex might think he was suffering from jealousy.

He delivered the expected grin as Chloe took off yet again. He slid his coffee cup around on the table, observing her dash across the street to her car. His eyes narrowed when he realized she didn’t have to unlock it because someone was already sitting inside. Lex blinked several times quickly and tried to pick up all the details he could.

Short hair, dark colour. It seemed he was tall but not as tall as Clark, nor was he wearing plaid. Muscular too, if the way he hauled Chloe effortlessly over into his lap was any indication, but then again she didn’t resist the hug. He couldn’t tell if she kissed him before the guy let her shuffle back to her own seat. He stopped looking when Chloe and the unidentified man drove away, dialing Clark’s cellphone.

“Coach?”

“I prefer first class. Hello Clark. Expecting a call?”

“Lex! Hi. I’m supposed to help the coach with some stuff for the team.”

“Ah, well I won’t keep you long.” He was secretly relieved he wouldn’t have to mentor Clark through an emotional crisis that day. “I suppose you’re not in Chloe’s car right now, are you?”

There was no background noise of engine or wind resistance and Lex knew what the answer would be.

Clark’s voice came back anxious. “No. Did she start something with you again today? I told her to stop bothering you.”

He felt a little irritation on Chloe’s behalf. She didn’t bother him any more than he bothered her, but Clark was putting it all on her shoulders? No wonder she trotted out different versions of her life for different people, certain aspects carefully edited or withheld.

“She forgot a book at the Talon and I’m trying to return it to her. I think it’s for school so she’ll probably need it back for tomorrow,” he lied.

“Which book?”

How did he come up with exactly the most inane question for every occasion?

“My battery’s dying, Clark. Thanks for your help.”

“Good-”

He justified hanging up on the teenager by deciding he was late for something. If Clark even remembered he would apologize later.

AlwaysPretending
16th November 2004, 23:33
So just who is the mysterious man that has made Chloe so damn happy? ;)

Looking forward to finding out!

Kerry

AlabamaWorley
17th November 2004, 00:39
Ha! Come back soon, I want to know who the mysterious fella is, too!

tiger04
17th November 2004, 03:01
I hope that you will come back and update soon. I what to know what is going on.

AT

gina
17th November 2004, 03:15
Originally posted by nonky@Nov 16 2004, 03:49 PM
Gabe, I just wanted to tell you I furnished your daughter with a fully-functioning shag wagon featuring a lucky back seat, but don’t worry - I know for a fact she can use a condom responsibly. She put one on me in two seconds flat. If you could just figure out who she’s sleeping with it would really satisfy my curiosity. See you around.

ROFL! :lol:

This fic is great! And add me to the list of those who want to know who this guy is that Chloe's seeing.

sydsvaughn
17th November 2004, 03:55
I'm sure Chloe's got a plan and I can't wait to see what it is (and who the guy is!)

SaraC

hfce
17th November 2004, 05:53
This is so part of Chloe's pay back. :lol: More please...



Hope :wub:

lexchloe
17th November 2004, 11:49
A mystery man? Lex jealous!! Interesting!! More please.

buddyfozzy
17th November 2004, 15:33
I love Jealous Lex!! :yay: :yay2: :yay: :yay2:

Béatrice
17th November 2004, 15:58
Awww Lex is jealous. Who's that mysterious boy?

More?

autumngold
17th November 2004, 20:30
I can't wait to find out who Chloe's mystery man is!! And I can't wait to watch Lex get more and more jealous!! Great update!! :yay2: :chlexsign1: :yay2:

Kit Merlot
18th November 2004, 15:07
You know that Chloe has a plan, and I love that Lex is jealous despite his best efforts to the contrary.

Awesome story :biggrin:

S.Ann Smith
19th November 2004, 02:17
more soon please.... my interest is piqued now... :devil: love the sneaky!Chloe and the jelous!Lex

kitten
21st November 2004, 08:28
The Billionaire Muggings
Smallville PG-13 Fanfiction

SPOILER WARNING: Spoilers abound, up to the current episode in U.S./Canadian release.

Disclaimer: Smallville, the characters therein, and all affiliated copyrighted materials are owned by the WB. This is a work of fanfiction not intended for profit or infringement, only for the pleasure of fans of the series.

A/N: A new, hopefully funny chapter.

Chapter Five

They had a regular table now, and Lex was pleasantly surprised when Chloe’s cup of coffee was sitting across from his as he walked into The Talon. Both cups were still emitting tendrils of steam and her bag was propped on the chair.

Assuming she was in the lady’s room, Lex shrugged out of his coat and draped it over the chair, covering the bag. He made a note to make sure she remembered it as she was leaving.

“Hello, Lex, I see you’ve found the latest addition to The Talon’s services. Welcome to the infirmary booth.”

Martha Kent was standing at his shoulder, directing a caustic glare at the booth seat across the table.

“Uhhh, I’mb not sicced,” a muffled Chloe complained. Her head appeared over the edge of the table for a second to deliver a dirty look. “I’mb find.”

Her jacket flipped into the air as she lay back down and huddled underneath it, and Lex looked at the space she had occupied.

“You don’t sound find, you sound ill,” he said. “Drink your coffee and I’ll drive you home and put you in bed.”

A tiny sound of amusement from Martha made him realize how his words could be misconstrued, and he looked up at her.

“Figuratively of course.”

Her expression took on a mocking sincerity and she nodded. “Of course.”

Reluctant to delve too deeply into what she was speculating, Lex pushed his chair out and ducked under the table to talk to the can’t-speak-proper-english patient.

“Chloe,” he said, and her eyes opened. She was curled up on her side with her arms tucked up to her chest, jacket over her legs. Her tousled hair gave her a kittenish appearance which was enhanced when she pouted adorably.

“I canned be sicced, I hab stub to do,” she said, “I’mb beeting somewub.”

He took a second to translate from stuffed up to english, then sighed.

“If he knows what you’re worth he’ll be very understanding,” he said.

The reactions of the two women couldn’t have been more different, but they both meant Lex had put his foot in his mouth. He sat up to find Martha looking at him with a measuring gaze that made him feel like squirming like a small child.

She let him off the hook by nodding cryptically and walking back behind the counter. It wasn’t as if she couldn’t observe just as well from there.

Chloe’s eyes were still open when he ducked back down and Lex wondered if she had been looking at his crotch. She was a bit red in the face.

“See something you like,” he teased, but she only looked angry and popped up in the seat.

Chloe couldn’t believe his nerve, he was still having her followed. What a controlling jerk.

“You’re habing be followed by goobs,” she accused. Her hair was messy and she clearly wasn’t aware of how much cleavage her shirt showed, but it worked for her.

Lex took a moment to appreciate Chloe breast, then worked on translating. “Goobs?”

Her eyes widened and she practically screamed at him, her face getting even redder. “Goobs, goobs! Goobs like Deab and Sabatore! Goobs!”

She might have kept going except she needed to stop and wheeze, but she wasn’t sick.

“Ohhh, goons. I don’t formally employ any goons, Chloe. If you’re having a goon problem I can assure you they’re someone else’s goons.”

He sipped his coffee and smiled mildly. “Or if you need goons I can probably get you a good recommendation.”

Chloe grabbed a straw from the dispenser on the table, cramming it into the plastic cup cover like she wanted to sink it into Lex’s eyeball. Her withering stare dared him to comment on her inability to drink for more than a few seconds before she had to stop and gasp.

Martha darted over when Chloe had a mouthful of coffee, using the opportunity to feel her forehead. Lex watched as green eyes shot fire at the Kent matriarch, who was completely unfazed.

“Is my pooky sick,” he asked, turning the hate back to himself. She was extremely entertaining when she was angry.

She slumped back as Martha let her go and Chloe saw a concerned look pass between Lex and her den mother. “Your temperature is awfully high, Chloe. I think you might need a trip to the doctor instead.”

“I’mb FIND!”

Lex leaned forward over the small table and pressed his own hand to Chloe’s cheek, ignoring her disgusted grumble. Martha watched him and then put her own hand to the other side of her face.

This . . . is . . . dumber . . . than . . . anything, Chloe thought. I’ve got revenge that needs my attention and I can’t be lying around being sick for days.

Meanwhile, her two volunteer nurses were chirping at each other about her like she wasn’t there.

“She is pretty warm,” Lex said and Martha nodded energetically.

“I don’t think she should drive herself anywhere today,” she said. “Do you think you can get her home or should I call Clark?”

Lex let her go a few seconds after Martha did, and they both leaned back to stare at Chloe.

“Whab?” This was not good. She was outnumbered.

“Give Lex your keys, Chloe.” Martha was wearing her resolute expression, the one that she used to push around half of Smallville’s population.

This would require a better argument than a pout.

“I’mb beeting somewub. He can dribe be.”

Martha wasn’t impressed, and she looked Lex for action. The young billionaire looked between the two women, deciding he could take the shivery blond in a fight, but he wasn’t sure about Martha. He stood up and moved around the table, sitting down next to Chloe and holding out his hand.

“Give them up, Pooky, before I have to get rough.” His eyebrow quirked humourously, but she shook her head militantly.

Trying sincerity, Lex put an arm around her shoulders. “If you crash your car you can’t get revenge against me. Don’t you want to destroy me to the best of your ability?”

More than anything at this moment.

The keys clattered into his hand and Lex nodded at Martha. “I’ll just go to the men’s room and then I’ll be out to take her home.”

Martha took his seat as he walked away, presumably to guard Chloe, who had gone back to lying down. The poor thing really did look exhausted and Lex tried to think of ways to make her happy. Perhaps he’d make a side trip to the mall for some medicinal chocolate. Women liked chocolate generally, and he’d seen her devour The Talon double chocolate cookies on occasion. Perhaps chocolate ice cream to make her cooler.

When he returned, Martha was nowhere to be seen, and Chloe appeared to still be lying down. Lex grabbed a last gulp of his coffee and spoke rather loudly to her.

“Come on, wake up.”

“Uh, who are you talking to Lex?”

He turned around to find Clark looking at him funny, having just arrived from the coating of rain over his hair and jacket. Lex turned back to the booth and grabbed up his coat, pulling it on.

“I’m going to give Chloe a ride home to bed if she ever gets moving,” he said.

Clark looked from the freshly cleared table to the empty coffeehouse, and back to his friend.

“Where is she and why isn’t she moving? And why are you putting her to bed?”

Lex ignored the questions. He had been expecting his biggest hassle to be picking up a sleepy reporter and getting her into the car. Now Clark was making cow eyes and looking dense and slightly morally outraged.

“Chloe is sick and sleeping and your mother told me I should get her in bed,” he said. Rounding the table he was surprised to see the booth seat was empty, her jacket and bag missing as well. “Martha!”

Clark jumped as he yelled and Lex found himself irritated by his behaviour. “Start looking for her!”

“But Lex . . . my mom told you to get her into bed? “

He walked past a sputtering Clark to the the sidewalk, seeing no sign of Chloe’s car. He strode quickly toward the back lot, and found it empty as usual.

“Martha!” Lex slammed the door as he went back inside, and he was relieved to see the woman behind the counter. “Where did Chloe go?”

Her sweet smile was as grating as Clark’s gaping when she answered.

“Oh, her friend showed up and he said he could take her home. They’re such a nice couple and he’s so devoted. Just wrapped her up in his coat and carried her out of here,” she said, putting a hand to her chest in a sentimental gesture.

Lex scoffed. “You just let her leave with some strange guy? What did he look like?”

Martha seemed to miss his anger because her voice was pleased as she described Chloe’s friend.

“As tall as you are, short dark hair, well-dressed and quite handsome.”

The man from her car, the touchy one who was trying to monopolize her every moment.

“Did you get his name?”

She was nonplussed by his abrupt question and Martha frowned. “No, he said he wanted to get her home and in bed as quickly as possible.”

I’ll bet he did, Lex groused.

He stomped out of The Talon and looked up and down the street. If the guy had shown up he must have driven his own car. Most of the vehicles parked along the street were familiar farm trucks and family cars, but there was one BMW with vanity plates reading ‘RICHboy.’ Lex’s eyes narrowed and he gunned the engine in his own lush ride, worried about Chloe’s safety.

You never knew what a spoiled playboy would do to a nice girl like her.

When he parked a few houses down from the Sullivan’s, Lex realized he had a problem. Chloe’s father wasn’t letting him anywhere near her after the public whipped cream fight. He didn’t even have a good excuse to ask for her. It was raining heavily as he parked but it seemed to clear up marginally while he sat and thought.

I could climb up the back porch, he thought dubiously. I’ve done stupider things before and lived to tell.

Lex conveniently forgot how difficult such adventures were a few years out of practice and in better shoes. He slipped several times on the lawn just walking around the house, but he was angry and spurred on by . . . something like jealousy but not. Because that would be out of place.

Lex looked up at the porch roof that was his theoretical path to Chloe’s window. He placed one hand on the slick railing and used the other to pull himself up. So far, so good, and he shuffled himself over to the corner when he dimly recalled there was an easier way up. He was suspended by his arms from the porch when he realized there was absolutely no traction to be had from Italian leather shoes.

Straining, he pulled himself up and held on for dear life. When did they start making roofing this slippery? Wasn’t this dangerous for the people who had to install it?

Lex picked his way up the thirty degree slope, trying to stay silent as his shoes skidded and he had to catch himself numerous times. He bit back obscenities as he skinned the knuckles of both hands. It was absurd that he was reduced to this, climbing to a teenager’s window to spy on her and her boyfriend.

Chloe’s window was only a few feet away when a body walked past the glass. He didn’t look up quickly enough to catch any details, but it seemed too tall to be the petite young woman.

That manipulative bastard. He’s probably acting considerate and caring now, but any second he’ll put his hand down her shirt and then it’s only a matter of time before Chloe will regret her actions. How could anyone be so low?

Once he got as close as he dared, Lex knelt down and held on to the window ledge. He inched his face up to look in and found his view blocked by dark material. He frowned. If Chloe had closed the blinds there would be nothing he could do.

The view was suddenly clear and he realized it had been a man leaning against the window. The man moved off and he could see Chloe reclining on her bed in a pair of bottle green silk pajamas. She was barefoot and relaxed and he had the sudden urge to climb into the window and keep her company. She certainly looked warmer than he felt, since he was soaked through.

The man was sitting on the floor beside her bed, and Chloe was talking and laughing with him. His face wasn’t visible but he fit many descriptions of low-class, monied assholes who used their fame to get laid. Lex would have thought she was smarter than this.

She leaned over and her face was very close to the man, who had started moving his hand toward her thigh. Lex’s eyes narrowed and his fists clenched as he watched the jerk make his move, seemingly with Chloe’s approval.

In the next seconds he found out that $ 4000 shoes can easily seem worthless, when he landed on the grass hard enough to lose his breath. Not only was he in pain, but Lex felt rather uncertain about his ability to run in the treacherous footwear. It was no longer an option once Gabe Sullivan’s face came into view.

“Lex,” he greeted flatly.

I guess I’m not invited to the Sullivan Christmas party this year.

“Gabe, hi there. I just came by-” He sat up with difficulty and much panting, then continued with pointing gestures up to the house. “There’s a man in Chloe’s room and I think it’s something you should handle right away.”

The man didn’t stop to help him up and Lex took his lack of yelling to mean he was invited inside. He hauled himself up painfully and hobbled in, making his way up the stairs.

Gabe was knocking on the door when he got to the top of the stairs and Lex waited to see what would happen. He knew there was no way out for the unlucky man and he was looking forward to getting a few shots in - Chloe and Gabe would get first knocks at the man as the injured parties of course.

“Sweetheart, can you open the door?”

Lex readied his satisfied smirk but his face fell into dismay when the door opened to reveal only Chloe, fully clothed in a large terry cloth robe and looking like she’d just been woken up.

“Whab’s wrong?” She blinked at her father and rubbed a hand across her eyes, looking cuter than Lex had ever seen her.

Until her eyes met his and she made a sound of irritation. “What do you want Lex?”

He found himself struggling to justify why he was there, short of just blurting out the truth.

“I missed you when you left The Talon and I wanted to make sure you were alright,” he said. “And you’re fine, so I’ll just . . .”

He started backing down the stairs but Gabe looked at him sharply. “You were on the roof looking into her window. You said there was a man in there.”

Chloe looked behind her and tried to hide her concern with a fake yawn. She couldn’t see her house guest so they must not be able to. Her father nudged her out of the way and walked around the bed, opening up the closet door and looking inside.

He turned back to his daughter and kissed her forehead. “I’m sorry to wake you up when you’re sick. Close the drapes and get back in bed and I’ll see Lex out.”

He walked down the stairs a little too close for comfort, but Lex didn’t get the severe beating he was expecting. Gabe just opened the front door and waved him back out into the rainstorm.

“I’m very sorry about the misunderstanding.”

He didn’t break the tension or acknowledge Lex’s apology, and Gabe all but slammed the door after he was outside. At a loss for what to do, he walked slowly back to his car and drove back to The Talon.

Clark was still there, and his friendly greeting told Lex that Gabe hadn’t started calling around to warn the citizens of Smallville its resident billionaire was a pervert. Unfortunately the teenager didn’t grasp why Lex had felt the need to protect Chloe as he had, even after he explained it several times.

“You tried to climb up Chloe’s house because you thought she had a guy at home with her?”

Lex fought the heat he could feel creeping over his cheekbones. He had done the right thing and no one could convince him otherwise.

“Only because she shouldn’t be having sex when she has the flu,” he said, trying for a reasonable argument.

Clark just looked worried and Lex frowned at him, leaving The Talon as quickly as he had less than an hour before.

“I’m not crazy,” he asserted one more time.

The young man watching him storm out furrowed his brow. When he looked at the odd behaviour between Lex and Chloe he didn’t suspect insanity in the traditional sense, he suspected jealousy. And who would ever imagine Lex and Chloe together?

On the other hand, who could have expected the soggy billionaire to limp in fresh from a fall off the Sullivan roof?

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The man lying on her floor was laughing, holding his sides and rolling around like a puppy. Chloe looked over the edge of the bed that had concealed his presence, shaking her head at him in disbelief.

“He nearly gob killed, it’s nob funny.” She threw a pillow at him but he deflected it and sat up, fixing his pampered hair. “Dob’t you care?”

Her outrage made him laugh again, and Chloe sneered at his behaviour.

“But he didn’t get killed, he got humiliated, and I found out that he’s in LURVE!”

He collapsed down on his back again and she looked at him, catching flies.

“There’s no lurve. Lurve doesn’t eben exist.”

He reached up and fondly wiggled her nose, and Chloe slapped him away.

“Whatever you say, Mrs. Luthor.”

Oh, he was going to get it. She jumped off the bed and started pummeling her puckish companion. They were both going to get it.

AlwaysPretending
21st November 2004, 10:27
So....just who is HE??? ;)

Kerry

autumngold
21st November 2004, 10:47
I can't stop laughing!! Lex falling off the roof is so funny!! It's so cute how he rationalizes everything he does!! Can't wait for more!! :yay: :chlexsign3: :yay:

lexchloe
21st November 2004, 14:15
:lol: :lol: he fell off the roof and he's trying to convince himself he's not jealous???? Nice update, who's the guy though????

chril1
21st November 2004, 14:59
lol

love lea
xxx

Rae
21st November 2004, 16:21
Clark was still there, and his friendly greeting told Lex that Gabe hadn’t started calling around to warn the citizens of Smallville its resident billionaire was a pervert.

Can't. Stop. Smiling.

Chloe's adorable when she's sick. On the bright side, she'll be able to think even more new ways to torture our favorite billionaire.

Lex is hilarious and now officially the town pervert. Congrats, Lex!

Hmm, is this mysterious &#39;he&#39; an original character, I wonder. <Looks suspicious>

Please keep updating, this is too funny&#33;

hfce
21st November 2004, 18:01
:lol: this was so funny :lol: I can&#39;t stop :lol: Lex you love her idiot.



Hope :chlexsign4:

tigroon
21st November 2004, 18:03
Who is it ?? I say Lucas ?
Please post more soon ?

asharnanae
21st November 2004, 20:19
:biggrin: just get better and better, and you gotta love martha&#33;&#33;&#33;


MORE&#33;&#33;&#33; Lex is just YUMMY&#33; :chlexsign2:

tiger04
21st November 2004, 20:19
[Who is it ?? I say Lucas ?]
I concur

Please update more soon. I love this story&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;

AT

buffiy18
21st November 2004, 20:29
Great chapter. Loved it. Quite funny imagining Lex falling off the roof of a teen aged reporter and Gabe finding him. Pleaes update soon. I also want to confirm who Chloe&#39;s persecptive friend is.

kitten
21st November 2004, 23:42
The Billionaire Muggings
Smallville R Fanfiction

SPOILER WARNING: Spoilers abound, up to the current episode in U.S./Canadian release.

Disclaimer: Smallville, the characters therein, and all affiliated copyrighted materials are owned by the WB. This is a work of fanfiction not intended for profit or infringement, only for the pleasure of fans of the series.

Chapter Six

Lex was happy when Chloe reappeared at The Talon four days after his rooftop escapade, looking as perky as ever and seemingly forgetting the whole business. He was relieved when she sat down with him and grinned a greeting, naming herself ‘bushy-tailed and at your service’ in a throaty voice left over from her illness. He wasn’t even that disturbed when the comment immediately made him think of her in a furry outfit trying to get his nuts.

But she never stayed for more than ten minutes anymore, and he was noticing something about her clothing. It was more expensive than a high school student should be able to buy and it was racy. She would be wearing a Parisian washed silk blouse with a common pair of blue jeans, or a full-length leather skirt with a t-shirt proclaiming ‘What some people might call a psychotic break, I just call a coffee break.&#39;

Whatever she wore, it was too tight, short, low-cut or transparent for his liking. And leather presented an entirely too suggestive connotation on a beautiful woman.

He tried to leave it alone, because on pure technicalities she was being very forgiving about the peeping. They had great conversations, as always, and she seemed to enjoy his company. Until she ran out without any sort of explanation a few minutes later. Lex had no idea where she was unless he was looking at her, and the other 23 3/4 hours of the day were spent wondering.

He thought about getting rid of The Talon’s to-go cups, but that might drive Chloe back to The Beanery, and he couldn’t justify himself lounging around a coffeeshop that was in direct competition to his own. He seriously considered having Dean and Salvatore follow her everywhere, but it was too hazardous legally for him to be stalking her with his, well, goons.

Lex wracked his brain for details of the man who had been in her room that day, but he was left with only the same physical description as before. Upon reflection he thought it was safe to conclude the stupid lechers on his list could be discarded. Chloe had looked at him as she looked at Lex during a particularly good banter day. Clearly the man was at least capable of satisfying her with verbal judo, or bedroom judo considering the setting.

The mere mention of beds, bedrooms or lying down made him snap at people for a few days after that brainstorming session.

She appeared one day in a cocktail dress, looking vibrant and glorious, and left a few minutes later without giving a single clue as to where she was going. Clark reported that he had seen her dressed up a few nights a week, and that he didn’t know where she was going either. Calling Gabe to ask questions was out of the question, and Lex was forced to admit he had acted like an ass - a big, sloth-impersonating ass. It was also vaguely worrying to realize he wouldn’t be trusted if he did have to warn Chloe’s father about her ill-fated romance.

It was the formal wear that made Lex ask her outright about her clothing, and Chloe had smiled and blushed prettily, confessing to having a date. She wouldn’t say anything about him except that he lived in Metropolis most of the year. The RICHboy license plate was registered to a rental company. The mystery man had covered all his bases.

Lex didn’t like it. He was absolutely convinced no good could come of Chloe trusting a cold, manipulative society slut-boy with her heart. He tried to find out who it could be, but she didn’t let anything slip and wouldn’t respond to his guesses.

He told her horror stories of debauchery and bad behaviour, making sure to implicate the men he suspected. She chuckled and responded in kind, telling him which local farmers had an unnatural attachment to their animals. Lex had cringed periodically for two days after that little information exchange.

He needed to know where she went and he was prepared to bend his own rules, so the next time she ran out of The Talon in the middle of a Saturday afternoon he drove after her.

Two car lengths back, like the movies said, Lex seethed as she steered toward Metropolis. Who was this guy who would take up all of the time Chloe should be spending with friends her own age and the occasional friend with a modest age difference?

If it was Bruce Wayne he was going to plan a hostile takeover for Wayne Enterprises. That guy was just messed up.

He went through the list of suspects and devised a severe punishment for each one. By the time Chloe parked her car at the Metropolis Hilton he was mentally committed to several year’s worth of business vendettas.

He had forgotten all the reservations that had kept him from stalking her weeks ago, and Lex would later muse that the roof outside of Chloe Sullivan’s bedroom was a slippery slope in more ways than one.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Chloe dialed her cellphone as Lex drove past her car, whispering for no good reason.

“I’m here. Where are you?”

The voice on the other end of the line chuckled as if he could read her feelings of surreal exasperation.

“I’m waiting for the love of my life, of course. It is only with you that I can find any peace for my tortured soul, for you shine with an inner light that cannot be contained by high walls or rough seas or the cruelest fates-”

Okay, now her surreal exasperation was just exasperation.

“Where in the building?&#33;”

“The bar. We’re going to join the other illicit couples indulging in some public foreplay before we head up to our room.”

Chloe sighed. He was never serious about anything.

“You’d better be sure you have a way out,” she said.

“My golden goddess, I would never neglect your safety.”

She wondered if he knew she was rolling her eyes.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ +

Lex watched with reluctant admiration as Chloe walked through the lobby, confidently skirting around the old women who seemed to feel the need to praise a hotel on its architecture before they checked in. Her blue gown was formfitting but elegant, the side slit up to her thigh but tasteful. She fit right in and he was absurdly proud of that versatility.

Her heels clicked steadily as she moved, and Chloe fought the urge to look behind her. He was there because she could feel him breathing down her neck, if only as an impression of her mind. As the doorman swept open the way to the bar, she did look back, and grinned.

Lex had run into some friends.

He didn’t come to Metropolis very often and Lex knew that were parts of society he was missing out on. Most of them could go hang, and he added the Addison family to the top of the list when two men launched themselves into his path. Father and son ran a medium-sized corporation with aspirations of going international, and they were puckering up to kiss his ass all day long.

He made all the polite greetings he could stand before prying his hand out of the grasp of the son and making his excuse to leave.

“It’s been a pleasure gentlemen, but I have a lovely blond companion who’s probably missing me.”

The two men looked as if they were perplexed, then they both slapped his back with hearty laughter.

”Quite the sense of humour, good sir, a blond you say?” The old man mimed searching the room for a solitary blond woman and pointed to his son around Lex.

“Disarmingly good joke,” the son evinced. “Giving up brunettes, eh?”

The nouveau rich Addisons spoke with bad British accents that did little to disguise their New Jersey roots. It made him hate them even more. They ignored his every attempt to escape for the next fifteen minutes and Lex finally had to fake a call on his cellphone to get away.

He tried to look inconspicuous as he entered the bar, but several brunettes abandoned their drinks to greet him. Lex pretended not to notice as he scanned the room. It was kept dark so the adulterous pairings that were known to use the Hilton could be anonymous, like a little club of no-consequences. Chloe didn’t belong in a sleazy place like this.

He had looked over all the tables at least twice when he spotted a blond head and felt a jolt in his stomach. Her date was pressed so closely he couldn’t see the features, but the hand on her hip told him all he needed to know. Chloe was getting saved whether she liked it or not.

Lex was only halfway across the room when they stood up and made a run for the fire exit, the man tossing a bill down on the table. He forgot any sense of appearances and took off after them, finding himself in a maze of service corridors echoing with her giggles and the breathless laughter of the man. It irked him that Chloe thought it was fun to be hidden away and secreted in a man’s life when she deserved to be recognized as his queen.

He started running in the direction of the laughter but hit a dead end. Turning around, Lex started over and found himself in a cold storage area with a lot of red meat. He pushed back through the plastic flaps covering the doorway and heard the last trill of laughter before a door slammed heavily. He kept wandering out of stubbornness, finally running into a busboy who looked startled to see a guest in the alcove where the room service carts were parked. He showed Lex to a door that led to an elevator and the billionaire tipped him generously before getting into the car.

He leaned dejectedly against the wall, feeling the anger drain away to be replaced by embarrassment.

What am I doing? I’m climbing rooves and stalking her? I’m plotting revenge against her boyfriend?

He felt ridiculous and conspicuous. Now he had been seen in Metropolis acting strangely over her. It was time to let it go. Chloe was her own woman and he would eventually find out who she was dating, if only from the engagements on the society pages. The thought made him sad and Lex found himself hoping she would be the one to tell him.

Pressing the button for the parking garage, he stood up straight and fixed his clothing. His life was going to go back to normal. No more pranks with condoms and whipped cream, no more plotting or prying.

He walked slowly to his car, trying to convince himself it wasn’t boredom he was feeling, but calm. He could relax and get back to the important things in life.

He automatically unlocked and pulled open the door of his cherry-red Ferrari. It was his favourite car and he enjoyed letting it sweep him over the highways.

Numerous tiny blobs of something fell out and hit his shoes. Lex looked down and saw green and white things all over the ground and found thousands more inside his leather interior. He nudged one with his shoe and found it squishy but not terrible, so he picked it up and studied it.

Light green on top and white on the bottom, it seemed to be some kind of candy. The semitransparent mush was molded into a form that looked like . . .

“Frogs,” Chloe said. “As it turns out, you can buy a biblical plague on Ebay with a bit of creative thinking.”

Lex turned around and found her standing a few feet back, smiling pleasantly.

“They’re green apple flavour,” she added, brushing past him to lean in and snag a handful. Her manicured fingers held one up to his mouth and when he didn’t eat it she pressed it to his closed lips with a kissing noise.

“Mwah. What do you think happens if the frog kisses the princess?”

Chloe took the frog away from his lips and brought it to her own, giving it a friendly kiss before taking it between her teeth and biting it in half with gleeful sadism. She shrugged and popped the whole candy in her mouth, chewing it up and swallowing.

“If you’re wondering, it took exactly 7000 of these to fill your car. Except for the one I just ate.”

Lex could feel his brain crack as his hands threatened to bend the car door. He was hard as a rock and dying to kiss her, but it was 50/50 odds whether he would strangle her or grab her ass if he let go.

“You filled my Ferrari with candy frogs.”

She looked over her shoulder to the car with RICHboy plates, smiling and waving. “I had help.” His face was in shadow but he blew a kiss to Chloe and started the car.

Lex glared at the man in the driver’s seat, not at all conflicted about strangling him. Except he didn’t have a getaway car because it was filled with frogs. Life wasn’t fair.

Chloe turned back to Lex and knew it was time for her to get moving if she didn’t want to be a murder statistic of the parking garage.

“See you back in Smallville,” she said, watching as his mouth fell open in shock. Unable to resist, she tossed a frog in and ran across the aisle to stand next to the luxury car.

Lex chewed the frog savagely, watching in disbelief as Chloe leaned to the window as it rolled down and hand fed the man a candy. His hand reached out to grasp her smaller one, pressing it to his face and kissing the palm. She leaned in further for a real kiss and Lex thought he might actually have heard metal squeal under his hands.

Chloe threw him a casual wave and got into her own car, starting the engine. The RICHboy car let her pull out of the garage first, before turning out of the space and rolling into the one next to Lex’s Ferrari. The passenger side window rolled down and he leaned down to look in. There wasn’t even any satisfaction left in knowing who the man was but he still had to die horribly. It would be much easier to kill him if Lex knew who he was.

“Hey Big Brother, I can crash at the family abode, right? Chloe and I would like some alone time.”

Lucas didn’t wait for an answer before he rolled up the window and backed up, speeding out of the garage. The look on Lex’s face kept him in stitches all the way back to the castle.

Lex Luthor was a rich, powerful man and things like this were not supposed to happen to him. The thought repeated through his brain obsessively, and he gave into it, sitting back into the gummy interior of his car.

Chloe is tramping around with Lucas and I’m stuck in a parking garage in Metropolis with a sports car filled with frogs and a hard-on, while they’re on their way to screw in my house. Add a head injury and I’ll have the worst day of my life.

Lex let his head fall back onto the squishy green plague and popped one in his mouth.

Maybe I can eat my way out.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ +++

“You should have seen it, Pete. If I live forever I’ll never be so happy again.”

Even in Wisconsin, he felt the urge to duck and cover. Chloe was getting into deep water and she didn’t seem to be inclined to stop swimming out. He attempted to catch up on how bad things had gotten.

“So he stole your car and you couldn’t crash his party, but he gave it back with a bunch of improvements when you put a condom on him. Except he got angry when some of his employees interrupted you guys and he covered you in whipped cream?”

At least she wasn’t boring, but he couldn’t help but wish for it on days like this.

“Right, but now I’m getting him back.” Her infectious enthusiasm wasn’t working for Pete this time and he sighed.

“By doing nothing for weeks, then filling his car with gummy frogs.”

Her pleasure was evident with her answer. “Exactly.”

“That’s evil, Chlo’,” he said dryly.

“Sarcasm is not appreciated. I’m brilliant and my plan is flawless.” She sprawled on the leather sofa and stretched like a cat full of cream.

“I just worry about you messing with Lex Luthor, babe.”

She scoffed and laughed lowly. “He won’t really hurt me.”

Chloe rolled onto her front, feeling her skirt ride up to become a micro mini, kicking her bare feet childishly.

“I’m not worried.”

A large, warm hand closed over her ankle and she signed off with Pete quickly. She had to discuss the next step with Lucas before Lex got home.

“So what do you think,” she asked the man who was undoubtedly checking out her bared legs.

Lex showed all his teeth in a cruel smile down at her vulnerable body. “I think you should be worried.”


++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

A/N: I’ve elevated the rating to R, but this will not become smut&#33; It won’t end up like every other story. NO SMUT&#33; Well, some, but mild, joking smut.

Kudos for guessing the mystery man is Lucas. It’s just too delicious for Lex to have a younger brother and not use him.

lexchloe
21st November 2004, 23:56
Frogs&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33; Lucas&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33; Stalker Lex&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33; :lol: :lol: Loving this story a lot. Can&#39;t wait to see how Lex gets back at Chloe (and Lucas for messing around with his girl&#33;&#33;)

S.Ann Smith
22nd November 2004, 00:37
:heart: :heart:

I agree. It is just too delicious to forget that he has a brother :biggrin:

tiger04
22nd November 2004, 01:19
Frog candy in the car. Love it&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33; eat his way out.

Yeah for lucas. Who could anyone forget about a little brother like him.

Hope you update more soon. I can hardly wait

AT

asharnanae
22nd November 2004, 01:48
:biggrin: The car of candy frogs&#33;&#33;&#33; heheheheheheh&#33; loved the chappy&#33;&#33; oh more, please more&#33; :blinkkiss:

hfce
22nd November 2004, 04:06
:lol: Chloe better run Lex is going to get her again. :lol: That was good.



Hope :clap:

Béatrice
22nd November 2004, 12:05
:hehe: It&#39;s getting more and more interesting. Yay Lucas&#33;&#33;&#33; I can&#39;t wait to read more. :worship2:

LaLa
22nd November 2004, 14:07
:blush: I had a ridiculous smile on my face while reading that chapter&#33; that was fantastic&#33; Lex totally psycotic and thinking of revenge and dismise is FUN&#33; lol

MORE&#33; :chlexsign1:

xoxoLaLa

FroggyJump
22nd November 2004, 16:04
Someone spoke too soon. Car full of frogs, his brother being Chloe&#39;s partner I&#39;m interested in reading how Lex will tease her to teach her a lesson that he would probably want to teach her.

Rae
22nd November 2004, 18:53
<Sputters> How can you leave it there? You&#39;re just cruel. Cruel, I say&#33;



He was absolutely convinced no good could come of Chloe trusting a cold, manipulative society slut-boy with her heart.

Let us not throw stones, Lexy. We saw Bound, we know what you&#39;re about, slutto&#33;


He was hard as a rock and dying to kiss her, but it was 50/50 odds whether he would strangle her or grab her ass if he let go.

Loved that. If only he would do that on the show. Hmmph.


And yay, Lucas&#33; Can&#39;t get enough of that sexy boy. Definitely enjoying the way you&#39;re writing him. He&#39;s so... Lucas-y. Awesome.

As for this crazy talk of mild smut, missy...

Smut, smut, smut, smut, smut, smut, smut, smut&#33; I can do this all day, nonky...

autumngold
22nd November 2004, 20:17
Originally posted by lexchloe@Nov 21 2004, 11:56 PM
Frogs&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33; Lucas&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33; Stalker Lex&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33; :lol: :lol: Loving this story a lot. Can&#39;t wait to see how Lex gets back at Chloe (and Lucas for messing around with his girl&#33;&#33;)
Thank you for describing my feelings perfectly&#33;&#33; :biggrin: Except for the fact that I feel so stupid for not realizing that Chloe&#39;s mystery man is Lucas&#33;&#33; :goof: Excellent&#33;&#33; :yay: Can&#39;t wait for more&#33;&#33; :yay2: :chlexsign4: :yay2:

buddyfozzy
22nd November 2004, 21:54
This chapter was hilarious&#33;&#33;&#33; Frogs&#33;&#33; And Lucas messing with Lex&#33;&#33; :hehe: :lol: :hehe:

Can you maybe rethink the no smut policy on this fic? Pretty please? :puppyeyes: :puppyeyes: :puppyeyes:

randa
23rd November 2004, 02:48
that was hilarious&#33;
Grenn Frogs&#33;&#33; :biggrin: pure evil :devil:

more soon


randa

Janet
23rd November 2004, 06:47
GAH&#33;&#33;&#33; I LOVE IT&#33;&#33;&#33;

Chloe and Lex feuding... wonderful&#33;&#33;&#33; Lucas&#39; involvement... adore it&#33;


*fiends for more*

kitten
23rd November 2004, 11:10
The Billionaire Muggings
Smallville R Fanfiction

SPOILER WARNING: Spoilers abound, up to the current episode in U.S./Canadian release.

Disclaimer: Smallville, the characters therein, and all affiliated copyrighted materials are owned by the WB. This is a work of fanfiction not intended for profit or infringement, only for the pleasure of fans of the series.

A/N: A HUGE update with smut, for you guys. Make it last folks, I’m pretty sure you might not be hearing from me for a week or so. Exams suck. Fire bad. Tree pretty. Feedback appreciated.

Chapter Seven

Chloe whimpered out loud, so frightened she didn’t even feel embarrassed about it. His hand was still wrapped around her ankle and the other one came down to press into the small of her back. She closed her eyes and put her forehead down on the leather, trying to block out her dilemma and strategize.

If I use the cellphone he’ll take it from me and I’ll be screwed, she thought. If I yell for Lucas he’ll be in as much trouble as I am. The servants won’t do anything against the man who writes the cheques and how lucky would I have to get for Clark to stroll in for a visit right now . . .

The hand on her back was toying with the zipper of her dress, and she couldn’t think anymore. Lex was being gentle, but the grip on her ankle was firm. She couldn’t get out and he seemed very interested in the small strip of metal that was preserving her modesty. Chloe was suddenly very aware of her bare legs and the mass of the skirt crumpled around her upper thighs.

He was leaning over the back of the sofa, had to be to put the hand on her back like that, and she realized his face was directly over her bare legs. He must have be getting an eyeful and she squirmed while trying to push the skirt back down.

“Stay still.” He didn’t need to say it in anything other than his normal tone to make her obey.

Chloe felt his lips land on her leg just above his circling grip, kissing lightly and licking along the skin. His tongue was repeating the same half-finished motion, and she realized it was going to be much worst than getting killed because she was getting wet. Staying still became a whole new priority when her dignity was at stake.

The hand on her back dropped the zipper and started running over the boundary of fabric and flesh, whispery motions that didn’t need force behind them. Chloe tried to focus on one or the other sensation, but both of them were intriguing to her tingling skin. His tongue swept a long stroke down, turned a corner and licked a shorter stroke across, lifted up and moved over, hit her skin for a split second, moved again and repeated the two strokes followed by the short tap. His fingers had a separate rhythm of hard and soft directions that changed whenever she thought she had the pattern memorized.

Chloe fought to remember who was touching her and why it shouldn’t be arousing, but her body wasn’t having it. It had always known Lex Luthor was sexy and he wasn’t doing anything but prove it. She bit her lip on a moan and curled her hand around the edge of the sofa, dropping the cellphone with a cracking sound.

Her eyes came open and she reared up in panic, but Lex was switching his grip on her and climbing over the back of the sofa to pull her down with him. She ended up across his lap with her head bowed face-down over the arm, his hands back on their previous places and his mouth picking up that oral massage to a tiny, supremely lucky bit of her calf.

“Ohhhhhh,” she moaned.

It felt even better when you were expecting it, and Chloe tracked the movement. Down, over, tap, down, over, tap. She let herself fall into it and her neck melted into the leather.

Down, over, tap, down, over, tap. She dreamily sketched the motion with her hand and watched her fingers slide. Down, over, tap, L, period, L, period . . .

“You’re branding me&#33;”

Her bellow echoed in the large room and Lex pulled his mouth away from her leg. Chloe couldn’t work her body around to see it, but she knew he was smirking at her.

“I didn’t think you’d call me on it,” he said, his voice deep and gloating. His hand moved up her back to stroke her neck, and Chloe tensed. His fingers tugged on her hair and sifted through the soft strands, and his mouth landed between her shoulder blades to write his initials once again.

“Stop that,” she barked, and his laughter blew across her wet skin.

“I can’t, you’re delicious.” He released her ankle and placed his hands on her hips, rolling her onto her back. Her wide eyes looked up at him and she braced her hands against his chest.

“Let me go,” she said. There was still the barest possibility of escaping unscathed if she could somehow stand up without flashing him.

He let his hand rest on her thigh, idly sliding his fingers over the curve. He brought his face closer to her, inching it nearer by small, teasing increments. Chloe held her breath as he seemed to be working up to a kiss, utterly speechless. His face so close to hers that she couldn’t see him clearly, Lex stroked a finger across her lips and averted his eyes.

“I love you too much to ever let you go.”

She had been at a loss to come up with her revenge for the whipped cream fight. Nothing seemed to be enough to properly pay him back, especially since he didn’t care about reciprocating in public. Then Lucas had called her and Chloe’s mind had lit up with ideas of all the ammunition he could provide. So much ammunition she had needed more than a week to decide on a plan.

She had been well-aware that Lex was trying to figure out where she went and with whom, his rich boy tendencies shining through when he became jealous. For all the bad points of being the Luthor heir, he’d never had to share anyone’s attention. He was pathologically unglued by being ignored and Chloe knew he considered her to be his favourite playmate in Smallville.

Chloe had loved leading him on and played it up as much as possible. She’d let Lucas dress her up like a doll and giggled over the reactions his older brother didn’t quite hide. She had made the best of the few minutes she spent with Lex, flirting and bantering while she gave him glimpses of leg or breast. Those fifteen minutes were often the only thing on her mind for the rest of the day.

Getting sick had been a happy accident in their favour. The roof incident had reassured her that the strategy was working on Lex. When he broke and followed her to Metropolis, she and Lucas had agreed it was time to activate the next phase of the plan. Not only would Lex be jealous of a faceless man, now he would have to deal with her dating his brother.

The plan had called for them to be hanging around the castle in various affectionate scenarios, being both an irritation and a taunt to Lex. Filling his car with frogs was just a side gig to satisfy Chloe’s craving for immediate justice.

And now it was going to get her killed because defiling his Ferrari had clearly driven him insane. She wondered if there was some kind of warning about that in the owner&#39;s manual.

His lips were still hovering right over hers and he was still speaking in that calm tone of certainty with which he had declared his love.

“I don’t know why you’re punishing me like this. I know I’m not a good man and I don’t deserve you, Chloe. I promised I’d try my best if you’d just let me.”

He had the bluest eyes, blue like the whole sky looking at her, lit up and bowing down in worship to her. There was an edge to them like watching rain blowing in from three states over, the kind of rain that would wipe out highways and bring down lightening.

“Let me try,” he breathed against her lips, and for a second everything in her wanted it.

Then he ruined everything.

“I can’t sleep since that night you were in my bed. I don’t know why you left me for Clark or why you’re with Lucas now, but I can forgive it all.”

He was messing with her. There had been no such night between them and he knew damn well that her recent interest in Clark was the result of meteor poisoning. There was an audience for their little drama and she wasn’t going to play anymore.

Chloe’s head pulled back as far as possible, leaning into the arm of the sofa and away from his lips. Her body gave up any hint of acceptance and became stiff as a board as her voice projected through him and around the room.

“I never slept with you. It never happened.”

Lex was an excellent actor because he didn’t move as much as he wilted. His confidence left him and his hand came up to touch her chin so lightly.

“You can’t show me heaven for one day and take it away again. I’m not strong enough to pretend I don’t need you, Chloe,” he said.

Lex let his head slump back, and his arms stopped holding her and simply lay along her neck and waist. He sighed and let his eyes close, drawing in a long breath and holding it.

Chloe agonized over her choice. She could get up and make a run for it and he wouldn’t even see her wet panties, but he was also incredibly cagey. She knew it was a trick because she was willing to bet he’d never looked so vulnerable, not even as an infant. The normal power that he emitted wasn’t even present and he seemed almost . . . sad.

She was almost ready to run from the sheer anxiety of trying to make the choice, when Lex opened his eyes and lifted her upright to straddle his lap. Chloe’s hands panicked and ended up on his shoulders, nails digging into his shirt.

“I’ll prove I’m worthy, my love,” he said, right before his mouth moved in to take hers and she twitched so hard he dropped her onto the floor between the sofa and the coffee table.

It must have surprised him as well because he let out a startled yelp of her name to counterpoint her muffled scream as he tried to save her, but the library doors swung inward before anything else could happen.

Clark Kent walked in quickly, having heard raised voices and assuming it was Chloe causing more trouble. He looked to the desk out of habit and then to the piano, before seeing the bald head arched back over the sofa to look at him tersely.

“Cl-lark, can you step back outside for a moment?”

He frowned and looked at the other chairs for Chloe. “Are you all right? I thought I heard Chloe in here giving you a hard time-”

“Don’t go, Clark, it’s fine. I’m . . .uh . . . done. Well, not-”

Chloe managed to pick herself up but she couldn’t fix up her appearance. Her skirt was up around her thighs, her hair was tangled and she made the unfortunate gesture of wiping at her lips. She looked down at Lex to find him looking only slightly less debauched and back to Clark as his eyes narrowed.

He was a farm boy and a virgin, but Clark had seen enough television to know what the scene added up to. There was a pair of high-heeled shoes on the floor in front of the desk and Chloe looked like her dress was about to fall off, while Lex looked irritated that they had been interrupted. Both of his normally composed friends were flushed and babbling. Worst of all was that careless slide of Chloe’s fingers over her mouth, as if to check for a spill of fluid he didn’t even want to think about.

And then, because the universe has a sense of humour, too, Lucas entered the room through another door to find his brother, his ally and their friend all regarding each other. Lex was looking directly ahead at Chloe’s crotch, Clark was looking at Lex looking at Chloe and she was looking at Clark.

He wasn’t sure who the joke was on this time, or even if it was funny, but Lucas decided to stick with his natural inclinations. He walked up behind Chloe, put one arm behind her knees and the other over her back and carried her away from both men as they let out a single protest.

“HEY&#33;”

Having stolen more than a few women in his time, Lucas didn’t slow down until he got them to the nearest bedroom.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ +++++++

“Goddess, I don’t know what you’ve heard about the Luthor family from dear old dad, but we don’t really do all the things people think. I’m certainly not into any foursome that doesn’t involve me and three women.”

He set her on the bed and ran back to the door to lock it, then pushed a dresser in front of it as well. Whatever he had stolen her away from, Lex and Clark probably wanted her back. That wasn’t going to happen until he got some answers.

Chloe sighed and flounced back into the pillows, contemplating a voluntary coma. It might be the only thing to fix whatever it was Lucas had just rescued her from. She made a halfhearted attempt to fix her skirt, but it was too bunched up unless she stood up, so she let her arms fall down at her sides and closed her eyes tightly.

Lucas stood back from the bed and shoved his hands awkwardly into his pockets, unsure of his welcome if he tried to sit with Chloe. She had gone from being feverishly rosy-cheeked to a pallor that made him nervous, and she was rarely so still.

“Are you okay? Did he hurt you?”

He didn’t know his brother particularly well, and technically they were only half-brothers, but he didn’t get the impression that Lex was a violent man. Lucas had tried to kill him and he still didn’t get as much as a punch in the head. But maybe the violence wasn’t strictly physical . . .

“Chloe, did he touch you?”

Lucas’ frantic question snapped her out of the fugue she was enjoying, and Chloe shook her head, opening her eyes and sitting up. The meaning was clear from his upset and she didn’t want that to become part of Lex’s already horrible reputation.

“No, of course not,” she said in a disbelieving tone. “Lex wouldn’t hurt me, he was just - messing with me for the frog thing.”

Her eyes swept away from his with the last part and Lucas saw the lie there. Something more had happened, but Chloe wasn’t upset or injured. In fact, if he was keeping up on his mating rituals, she was coming down from arousal.

Interesting, Lucas thought.

“Okay, but why was the lad from the farm looking at you two as if you’d been feasting on the blood of orphans?”

The blush came back amazingly quickly and Chloe shifted her legs together awkwardly, mortified by her inability to regroup.

“He - Lex was picking me up and I moved and he dropped me on the floor.” She indicated her scraped knees and the little dots of blood that were forming. “I guess Clark thought I was . . . doing something else.”

Lucas nodded and leaned forward to look at her wounds. “These don’t look too bad and I think we have time to clean them up before anyone gets through the door.”

He went into the attached bathroom and Chloe’s eyes widened as she saw the barricaded door for the first time.

“Do you really think they’d break in?”

Lucas looked into the mirror and observed his own slight pallor. Whether he’d admit it or not, Lex was a scary person to have against you and he didn’t ever give up on what he wanted. He picked up the supplies to fix Chloe’s knees and shook his head resolutely.

“I think he’s already working on it, Ruby Lips.”

He sat down on the bed next to her and started dabbing gently at the scuffs.

“I would have thought Lex would make sure there were carpets next to the sofa to prevent injuries like this,” he muttered to himself.

She chuckled, and Lucas grinned. He didn’t like it when Chloe wasn’t happy. It seemed unnatural.

She relaxed and let him work, his nursing skills already having proven themselves when she had the flu. It was the oddest thing to realize she knew two infamous rakes who were usually more gentlemanly than a lot of good local boys she went to school with. Here she was on a bed with Lucas Dunlevy, safe as houses. It was nice and she let herself lie back.

“Ah, TLC.”

He wiggled his eyebrows at her suggestively. “Play your cards right and I&#39;ll kiss it and make it better.”

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ++++

“I’m telling you Clark, what you think you saw you didn’t see&#33;”

“Are you threatening me&#33;?”

Lex tried to keep his hands from turning into fists, but they were pretty angry that Chloe was no longer around to touch. He faced Clark across his desk and tried to reason with the irate teenager.

“No. No, Clark, I’m not threatening you. I’m trying to explain.”

He walked over to the sofa and looked down with a mixture of hate and kindness. Half an hour ago it had been a fine place to be, now he rather wanted to watch it burn on the front lawn.

It had been like an early Christmas present to find the object of his blistering rage lying placidly on his sofa, and he didn’t regret using the opportunity to the fullest advantage. She had been so delightfully fearless when she bawled him out and he had nearly blown the whole intimidation tactic just to kiss her thoroughly.

He regretted not locking every door in the castle before he started. Clark was all puffed up on moral high ground and he didn’t appear to be letting up any time soon.

“What were you doing to Chloe?”

Lex resisted an eye roll at Clark’s numerous assumptions. He pitied him for the first weeks he would spend at college, gaping at every male hand on every pert female body, not to mention all the female hands on male bodies or the other body parts that might get rubbed together.

“No one was doing anything - that’s my point. I was talking to Chloe and we had a disagreement and were roughhousing. I picked her up and threatened to drop her, but I lost my grip and she fell off the sofa, for which I’m quite sorry,” he said.

Clark opened his mouth to argue another point, but Lex kept speaking.

“From your vantage point it might have looked . . . salacious, but there was nothing going on except a little too much caffeine and banter.”

Clark’s expression was mellowing and he nodded, walking around the sofa to look at the scene of the crime. He didn’t see anything out of the ordinary beyond a few more dents in the leather than a normal sitting would accrue.

Twiddling his shirttails, he looked to Lex and saw him looking to the floor with alarm. Following the older man’s eyes he saw a cellphone and leaned down to pick it up. There was a crack down the LCD screen and it seemed to be dented on one side.

“Huh, Chlo’s I guess. She must have dropped it,” he said, handing the object over to Lex. “Too bad it got broken.”

“Yes,” Lex replied. “I’m sure she’ll be lost without it. I’ll make sure it gets replaced.”

Clark grinned and clapped him on the shoulder, presumably forgiving him.

“Thanks, Lex. I’m sorry I was so suspicious, but you guys have this vibe that’s just . . . well, you know.”

He shrugged and Lex narrowed his eyes slightly. It was typical of Clark to dance around a criticism, but the boy was never as subtle as he thought he was being. The unspoken jab this time was that Chloe would never get involved with him, chemistry or not. He resented the judgment, mostly because it might well be true.

“No problem,” he said magnanimously. “I’m just glad there’s no misunderstanding about Chloe or her character.”

Don’t blab to everyone and anyone about this. For once, keep someone else’s secret.

“Sure.” A pause. “I just stopped by with some of my mom’s pies, and thought I’d say hello.”

Lex couldn’t hide the wry grin that crossed his face and Clark returned it. “Hello, Clark.”

“Uh, Hi.”

He left soon afterwards and Lex found himself trudging around the outside of the house with a metal stepladder. He had people to do such things, but he really didn’t want to have to explain it to his staid and respectable butler why he was peeping into his own house. He just needed to make sure Chloe was safe with Lucas and to do that he had to look into their -er, Lucas’ bedroom window.

He cursed along the way as he finally realized just how underpaid his staff was. It was a huge house. Gentle snow started falling onto his shoulders and he glared up at the sky, shivering.

I get it, I get it. Rain last time, snow today. Peeping is wrong and the forces of nature don’t approve. I’ve done it before and I’ll do it again and you can’t stop me.

He thought he heard a rumble of thunder and walked briskly the rest of the way. The maids had informed him which room Lucas had taken, and Lex carefully opened the ladder in front of that particular window.

He stepped up as quietly as he could, trying not to clang his shoes against the metal steps. As usual, the shoes he was wearing were expensive and hindering, but at least it was a first storey window. He winced as he remembered how hurt Chloe had been when she fell onto his lawn a few years ago.

Thoughts of the blond had him peering into the window, inching around on the ladder until he could see past the massive draperies. Lucas was there, sitting on the bed, facing away. Chloe was . . . on her back in front of his brother, her legs spread to either side of his body and her skirt still high on her legs. As he watched, Lucas leaned down to press his lips to both of her knees, and her hand came up to ruffle in his hair. He couldn’t hear them, but Lucas looked like he was laughing.

Lex left the ladder where it was and went back to the library to drink. This time he locked every door and unplugged the telephone, slouching onto the sofa of infinite regret with his whiskey.

The trill of a cellphone broke into his brooding and Lex answered it dully.

“What?”

There was a long silence from the caller, then Pete Ross’ surprised voice answered.

“Lex?&#33;”

Béatrice
23rd November 2004, 12:36
Wonderful chapter&#33;&#33;&#33; :biggrin: More?

lexchloe
23rd November 2004, 15:45
hee hee. This peeping stuff is starting to become a habit for Lex. Stupid Clark for interrupting just when it was getting good&#33;&#33;&#33; Are Lucas and Chloe hooking up??? He&#39;s cool and all but Chlucas has nothing on Chlex. More soon please.

hfce
23rd November 2004, 15:53
God someone please kill Clark and Lucas for me. Please...... :die:

Great chapter but I wanted them to continue. :cryblue:


Hope :D

buddyfozzy
23rd November 2004, 17:28
HAHA&#33;&#33; This chapter was so funny&#33; Lex is so cute in this story, though I wish the I love you thing was true. I really love this Lucas, though I hope they are just friends. As always, Clark is a doofus.

:yay: :worship2: :yay: :chlexsign4: :yay: :worship2: :yay:

Blaire023
23rd November 2004, 17:43
Ho, my god. First with the comments, pimping the ride, and such, hilarious. I was cracking up as I read my way through it. I was happy to see Lucas, and I love those little apple frogs, Chloe&#39;s deliciously evil, and Lex is just as good.

Awesome fic, and I&#39;ll keep my eye out for more of this.

*gives the Blaire stamp of approval*

Kit Merlot
23rd November 2004, 18:45
This is excellent&#33;

Lucas is very cool, but I NEED this to be Chlex :chlexsign2:

Keep up the excellent work :biggrin:

AlabamaWorley
23rd November 2004, 19:08
Lucas is just hilarious in this, I love him. I had a few places I wanted quote overall, but there were so many I just gave up. Wonderful story, very funny&#33;

asharnanae
23rd November 2004, 20:00
:blush: :wub: oweeeeee, Lex, you need a hug my boy&#33; Fantastic chappy&#33;

autumngold
24th November 2004, 05:14
Excellent new chapter&#33;&#33; I loved the almost Chlex smut&#33;&#33; Maybe there could be more in the future? But the real stuff this time&#33;&#33; :biggrin: Thanks for the update&#33;&#33; :yay: :chlexsign3: :yay:

tiger04
24th November 2004, 06:40
Great chapter. loved the chlex. lex peeping in lucas window. I can hardly wait for the next update.

AT

S.Ann Smith
24th November 2004, 19:53
:hehe: ahahahahahahahahahhaha&#33; :hehe: poor Pete.. and silly silly gullible Clark...

LUCAS TO THE RESCUE&#33; AWAY&#33;

in short.. I loved it... lol..

LarkLuthor
25th November 2004, 07:11
MORE&#33; MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE&#33;

Lark

Zannie
26th November 2004, 21:19
Just read the whole thing--loved it. Particularly loved the banter between Chloe and Lex, and how their interaction and exchange of retaliations is hilarious and yet still in character. I find Lucas here strangely compelling (but not as compelling as Lex).

Looking forward to more.

Rae
27th November 2004, 18:12
<Presses fingertips together> Exxxxcellent.

Anyway, loved loved loved the update&#33; So sexy & so funny. Oy, you&#39;re making me laugh too much. Stop that&#33; Oh, and good luck with your exams&#33;


By the way...

Smut, smut, smut, smut, smut, smut, smut, smut, smut, smut, smut&#33;

I told you I could do this all day.

ColumbiaBlue
30th November 2004, 06:46
Um, I dunno how I missed this but it&#39;s effing hilarious. I don&#39;t think I&#39;ve ever laughed so hard at a fic before.

More soon&#33;

Manda :blinkkiss:

Kit Merlot
6th December 2004, 22:25
Okay, I think this one really needs an update :biggrin:

PLEASE?

kitten
7th December 2004, 03:07
The Billionaire Muggings
PG-13 - R

SPOILER WARNING: Spoilers abound, up to the current episode in U.S./Canadian release.

Disclaimer: Smallville, the characters therein, and all affiliated copyrighted materials are owned by the WB. This is a work of fanfiction not intended for profit or infringement, only for the pleasure of fans of the series.

A/N: No, I’m not going to write about Pete and Lex’s conversation immediately, and you can wonder all you want about what happened in the bedroom after Lex stopped looking. You won’t get to find out in this chapter. Because I’m mean. But funny.

Chapter Eight

Clark Kent wasn’t stupid. He knew how to detect undercurrents of tension and secrecy as a survival skill. Unfortunately he couldn’t decode many people, and Lex was probably the most inscrutable person he’d ever known. He had a million ways to smirk and Clark was certain each way had a particular meaning. He just couldn’t work with that.

He had to use his rational mind in dealing with what he had witnessed between Lex, Chloe and Lucas; no wonder it wasn’t getting him anywhere. Any one of them defied logic, all three in an unknown combination was a nightmare of reasoning. The odds of head injuries or hostage situations alone was staggering. Clark was preternaturally good at math, but they were incalculable.

He had already called Pete, but he had been unwilling to discuss Chloe’s association with the Luthors. He had muttered something about dire consequences and hung up quickly. Clark wished he had the luxury of not talking or thinking about it, but there was something very strange going on and it was quite likely to escalate.

He had spent hours in the barn trying to think about a worst and a best case scenario. Worst cases were easy: Chloe and Lex were sleeping together, Chloe and Lucas were sleeping together, Chloe was sleeping with both Lucas and Lex-

“Euuugh&#33;” He shuddered dramatically and decided mulling over the situation wasn’t getting him anywhere. He would have to brave The Talon. Maybe his mother would be able to point out a silver lining.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ++++++++++

“Dawn light smiles on you leaving my contentment . . . “

Lex glared at the south wing of the mansion, wondering when it had turned into Lucas’ dorm room. Eric Clapton’s White Room was blaring through the stone hallways, echoing and twanging on his last nerve.

Lucas had Chloe in his bedroom, they’d been in there all afternoon, and the music choices had been both loud and suggestive. There was some Barry White to start things out, then Nine Inch Nails and the finale was a classic rock tribute to Cream. It seemed if there was a song about being naked in the sun with a beautiful woman, Lucas had played it in the past hour.

Maybe he has CDs burned for the different moods of the lady, Lex thought cynically.

He frowned and looked back to his paperwork. He could move to another room or send one of the staff members to tell Lucas to turn it down. He could go himself and find Chloe in any number of infuriating positions of sordid nudity with a half-brother he’d never really been fond of. Then he could eviscerate the little pissant with a fire poker. Of course, that would leave her a witness and he’d have to keep her in the castle and make sure she kept her mouth shut. He had plenty of ideas that would work.

Plan C it was.

Lex walked through the hallways sedately, shoving his hands in his pockets to make sure he had a key to open the door if Lucas was being obstinate. Or if he was too busy to hear a knock. As he neared the door feminine laughter sounded, frantic and breathless, culminating in a squeal and a thump.

Damn Lucas, leave some Chloe for the rest of us.

He cringed at the thought and shifted his shoulders uncomfortably. She would kill him where he stood if he had voiced that thought, and rightly so. Growing up Luthor encouraged a lot of attitudes toward people that were less than kind, and he had worked hard to move past those. Unfortunately it was a challenge to respect women when most of his choices ended up with him in a hospital.

But he did respect Chloe, very much so and enough to worry more about her with Lucas than about Lucas with her.

Keeping that in mind, he knocked loudly.

“Lucas&#33; Open the door.”

Lex didn’t know what he was expecting to see, but when Lucas opened the door he was irrationally disappointed. There was no sordid nudity or any other reason for an emergency evisceration. Just Lucas holding the door open to reveal a giggling Chloe sitting on a barely rumpled bed.

Plan C sucks ass, Lex decided. I don’t even have a justifiable homicide defense here.

“Hey, Big Bro&#33; Something I can help you with?”

The smarmy little jerk actually used his own smirk to mock him, and Lex scowled. “The music’s a little loud and I believe Chloe’s father is likely expecting her home soon. She should leave before it starts snowing.”

He leaned comfortably in the doorway and planted his feet, staring at both of them.

The two teenagers exchanged a look that seemed heated, and Lex suppressed a groan. The last thing he needed was a pregnant Chloe Sullivan crying all over him when his brother got tired of her. Unbeknownst to him, his face took on a wolfish look that had both of them moving quickly to get Chloe off the bed and into her coat.

“I’ll call you,” she said, kissing Lucas’ cheek and brushing past the billionaire on the way out. She could feel him watching her all the way down the hall, but stubbornly kept her eyes forward.

It had been three days since the car filled with frogs had led to the blow job misunderstanding and she was successfully avoiding Lex, Clark and Pete’s calls. Lucas, pest that he was, knew enough to stop prying and he was still in her good graces.

Lex wondered what it was that made Chloe so myopic when it came to the men she was attracted to. He didn’t think Lucas would hurt her in a meteor freak way, but he was the latest in a string of poor choices on her part. He knew she wasn’t shallow or unintelligent, so it puzzled him that she didn’t find someone better suited for her.

But who’s worthy of that much woman in a 17 year old body, he asked himself. Maybe she can’t find someone because he doesn’t exist for her.

It was a thought a bit too close to his own experience, and Lex forgot to cover up the sadness it evoked. When he turned back to berate his brother the younger man frowned sympathetically and he barked at him.

“What?&#33;”

Lucas jumped and held up a placating hand. “Nothing, I just didn’t realize . . . “

He tried to think of a way to broach the topic carefully, but there wasn’t one if his suspicions were true. “Listen, I didn’t come here to steal Chloe from you. I thought she was single and you didn’t say anything to the contrary,” he said bluntly.

Lex waited for the rest of the defiant statement, then prompted his brother. “And?”

“I saw the video of your library a few days ago, man. If you feel that way about her I’ll back off so you can try and get her back,” Lucas said. “I like Chloe a lot, but we’re brothers . . . and I’m not in love with her, yet.”

Lex felt a hearty chuckle tickle his throat, but he pushed it down. This was priceless. Chloe thought he was up to something and Lucas thought he was heartbroken over her. Clark was not nearly as guileless as he made himself look, and he was the key to make it a very hot situation for the reporter.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Lucas,” he said, slipping on the Luthor mask, but keeping a hint of ire in his voice. “My relationship with Chloe Sullivan has never been romantic.”

He let a slump angle his shoulders as he walked away, and Lex knew he was set to win the entire game with very little effort.

Bite me, Goldilocks.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ +++++++

Lucas swung one leg over the windowsill and balanced carefully on his hands to keep his crotch from connecting with the stone. He could go out the front door, but it was more satisfying to bypass the security cameras and he was accustomed to sneaking around. Just because he was on the straight and narrow didn’t mean he wanted to get staid and predictable like his yuppie brother.

Although he wouldn’t mind the money.

Lucas pulled the window mostly closed and prepared to lower himself to the ground. Even the first storey had a four foot drop, but he could handle it. His foot slipped on the sandstone and groped for a new place to anchor the toes of his boots. His fingers were slipping as well and he was trying to brace for a fall when a metal clang met one of his kicks. He cautiously looked over his shoulder to find a metal step ladder conveniently located to save him from a snowy ass.

“Bonus,” he said, climbing down to the ground. He adjusted his leather jacket and fixed his hair. Giving the ladder a pat, he praised it. “Thanks boy, I’ll look for you the next time I’m trapped in a well.”

He shivered and gave a baleful look at the snow circling his feet. Stupid winter, stupid snow, stupid snowy footprints-

Hold on, he thought, this is a very conveniently placed ladder for a garden that doesn’t need gardening.

Lucas tracked the footprints and saw they led back around the perimeter of the house. He narrowed his eyes at the ladder and noted it was in a perfect position to look inside the window.

Big Brother’s quite the freaky deaky. I’m a little proud.

He picked up the ladder carried it around the house, following the footprints. As he went, Lucas glanced into windows, most of them dark. At the first set of lighted windows he stopped and considered. At worst it could be pointless and at best he could catch a look into the maids’ locker room. He grinned and set the ladder down.

Looking in he saw a fireplace, a desk, and some book shelves. It was the first floor office, the one Lex used occasionally. He sighed and leaned against the panes, the snaps of his cuffs scraping over the glass. Debating whether it was worth the wait, Lucas slumped down and continued watching.

Lex walked into the office and immediately felt prying eyes. He checked the corners of the room but there was no one. Sharp blue eyes sweeping the details of the furniture, he caught movement outside the window.

There’s only one person I know who would bother spying on me, he thought. Well, get an eyeful, Lucas.

He set the files carefully on his desk, stacking them neatly. Coincidentally the top one contained just the prop to make his performance Oscar-worthy, and Lex slouched into his desk chair and picked it up.

Lucas’ eyes widened as his brother held up the eight-by-ten photo of Chloe. She was relaxed and laughing, blond hair flying in a frozen breeze. Lex stared at it for a long ten minutes, then put it down gently.

Damn, he’s gone on her. Nice to know I’ve still got it.

He watched as Lex put his head into his hands, and Lucas rolled his eyes.

You’re too old for teen angst, Lex.

There was a resounding crash as the contents of the desk were pushed onto the floor. Lex stood up and attacked the bookshelf, overturning it and sending hundreds of books flying across the room. Lucas gaped as he destroyed everything he could move, the normally calm expression replaced with a look of torment.

When there was nothing still standing, Lex righted his desk chair and sat back down, fishing the photo out of the wreckage. Lucas watched as he stroked a gentle finger down the creased image.

What the hell did I get in the middle of?

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Lex stayed in the office for most of the next day, drinking and napping on the sofa. He knew Lucas checked back at least five times, and made sure to have some kind of dramatic gesture ready. He burned photos of Chloe, staring sullenly into the flames. He drank heroic amounts of hard liquor and barked for more to be brought in. He yelled at a maid for trying to announce a telephone call from work. He called for some staff members to clean up the mess and then screamed at them when they entered the room.

Mostly he just tried to look preoccupied and irrational, and all that really took was reminding himself of Chloe’s various pranks and the fact that she was dating his brother.

autumngold
7th December 2004, 04:03
Ok, Lex is just evil&#33;&#33; :devil: :biggrin: :devil: I love this chapter, with Lex faking his anguish&#33;&#33; Hopefully Chloe won&#39;t fall for it though&#33;&#33; Excellent update&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33; :yay: :chlexsign3: :yay:

hfce
7th December 2004, 06:28
:lol: Lex you are so bad.



Hope :wub:

tiger04
7th December 2004, 08:03
Great chapter. I can hardly wait for the next one. I am dying to know what Lex is up to. Is it going to inclued pete as in he is help him :eyebrows: . Lex going off and having a fit was great.

Hope you update with more soon.

AT

lexchloe
7th December 2004, 11:41
:lol: :lol: :lol: :devil: Lex. that was great. Lex is so evil. He does the &#39;pining&#39; for chloe very well (am I nuts to hope that deep down a little of his act is genuine?) Can&#39;t wait to see how Chloe reacts if Lucas tells her.

sylvia
7th December 2004, 14:58
made sure to have some kind of dramatic gesture ready. He burned photos of Chloe, staring sullenly into the flames. He drank heroic amounts of hard liquor and barked for more to be brought in. He yelled at a maid for trying to announce a telephone call from work. He called for some staff members to clean up the mess and then screamed at them when they entered the room.

I LOVE THIS&#33; Evilly melodramatic Lexy&#33; :devil: Can&#39;t wait to see how Chloe reacts when Lucas lets his brother&#39;s lovelorn behaviour slip. And Lucas is so in character, too. Great, hilarious writing. More soon?

Béatrice
7th December 2004, 16:16
Manipulative Lex. :devil: I like it&#33;&#33;&#33;

Kit Merlot
7th December 2004, 16:49
This story is awesome--Go Lex :devil:

AlabamaWorley
7th December 2004, 18:16
:lol: That was awesome, I&#39;m giggling in the office.

buddyfozzy
7th December 2004, 18:48
Lex putting on a show for the Lucas in the window - HAHAHA&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33; :hehe: :hehe: :hehe:

Great update&#33;&#33; :worship2: :worship2: :worship2:

chril1
7th December 2004, 22:48
that chapter was hilarious in the best sense

love lea
xxx

asharnanae
7th December 2004, 23:41
:biggrin: damn but that was a classic chappy&#33; oh I loved lex playing lucas, but actually reacting like it anyway&#33;&#33; you are a star&#33; :yay: :worship2:

Rae
8th December 2004, 00:59
Yay, you updated&#33; Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay&#33; Oh, how I missed this fic.


Clark Kent wasn’t stupid.

Since when? :huh:


Big Brother’s quite the freaky deaky. I’m a little proud.

Heh, heh, heh&#33;

And yes, you are mean. Where&#39;s my smut, missy? :die:

sydsvaughn
8th December 2004, 01:22
Now this made me crack up hysterically ... I so enjoyed it&#33;

More soon, please?

SaraC

randa
8th December 2004, 06:59
"And the oscar goes to....Lex Luther in is stunning performance as a love-sick dog in the Billionaire Muggings."

"I would like to thank the academy and my younger brother Lucas who made this all possible." smirk "Take that goldilocks&#33;"


i loved the new chappie&#33; it was hilarious&#33; more soon



randa

buffiy18
9th December 2004, 07:17
Great update. I can&#39;t believe Lex would go through all that to give lucas a show. Hurry back.

:chlexsign3: :chlexsign3:

Janet
9th December 2004, 08:21
I heart Nonky.


wonderful chappy, please update. :biggrin:

kitten
9th December 2004, 11:36
The Billionaire Muggings
PG-13 - R

SPOILER WARNING: Spoilers abound, up to the current episode in U.S./Canadian release.

Disclaimer: Smallville, the characters therein, and all affiliated copyrighted materials are owned by the WB. This is a work of fanfiction not intended for profit or infringement, only for the pleasure of fans of the series.

A/N: Okay, the good news is there is smut in this chapter. Mild smut. MILD&#33; *points at Rae* Like mild salsa. Hot, but not too hot.

The bad news is there’s a cliffhanger and a twist. Just so you know, I do expect threats in the next batch of reviews. Do your worst. I’ve got two Luthor men and I’ll bring Lionel over on a weekend pass from Survival if I have to.


Chapter Nine


“Hey, you&#33; Are you here to fool around?”

Chloe smiled as Lucas shifted uncomfortably on his feet. He looked out of place in his all leather bad ass gear standing in the hallway of Smallville High, but that might be because a number of girls had followed him as he looked for her. At her words they frowned and wiggled their hips and shoulders in disappointment and a little bit of disapproval at his preference for the blond.

Back off, he’s my meat, Chloe thought cheerfully.

She wasn’t the jealous type, but she knew how people in Smallville saw her - or rather didn’t. She was the unobtrusive smart girl, the one who didn’t quite fit in or give away enough of herself in casual conversation to be easily judged. Since it was too much trouble for most teenagers and adults to really get to know someone, she remained an enigma to all of them. It was nice to be looked at as a something other than nosey reporter or loyal friend.

Gloria Steinam forgive her, Chloe liked that Lucas was after her ass.

Of course a lot of that pleasure was in his technique. He was casual, friendly, flirty and affectionate but he never conveniently forgot how little time they had actually known each other. He liked looking at her and touching her but he kept it light and free from pressure. He was available but not needy or obsessive. She was free to see him a lot or a little and when he came to see her she always knew it was because he wanted to see her. She could fall asleep beside him and wake up to find herself perfectly safe and chastely cuddled up to him with nary a grope to speak of.

She was enjoying the bargain with Lucas much more than she had with his father or brother, and she thought it was working out well for them both. She was getting back at Lex for his ham-fisted attempts to control her life and also circumventing his intentions. Lucas was getting a guide to ease his way back into his brother’s world and a foot in the door to a career at the Lionel-free LuthorCorp.

As she had explained to a resigned but disapproving Pete, they were helping each other out. Lex was even getting something out of the deal - some much needed family and another set of shoulders to carry the family empire. It was win-win-win, except for her exasperated friend who had described the situation as ‘putting the Titanic on a runaway train and setting it all on fire.’ He’d said he wasn’t sure whether the hazard to Chloe was physical, sexual or legal, but it was absolutely the worst scheme she had ever cooked up.

He didn’t know it, but when Pete hated her plans they always worked out even better than her most optimistic expectations.

Lucas smiled at Chloe’s brassy greeting and swept her into a gentle hug. He adored her, especially the sunny force of will she projected. She was bossy and manipulative, but she made it fun to get wrapped around her little finger and he was willing to spend a lot of time there. That finger, like the rest of her he’d seen, was gorgeous.

Under different circumstances he’d be pursuing her very hard. Lex’s mixed signals from the beginning had made him more cautious, and now that he knew his brother was heavily invested in Chloe, Lucas knew he’d made the right call. If a man so powerful was so torn up over her, the possessiveness he must feel was a distinct threat to his poaching brother.

So he was going to help Lex get her back, and not just because he was tired of watching the big loser mope.

“Goddess, we have to talk somewhere private,” he said, lowly, lifting her off her feet and nibbling on her neck.

He might be giving her up to Lex, but he was no fool to ignore her lovely skin against his. Chloe’s arms were around his neck and he knew they must look much more lusty than they were for each other. He planted a kiss to her cheek and lowered her down to the floor. It had been fun to taunt Lex with Chloe before, but now it carried serious penalties. Lovesick Luthors were few and far between but very dangerous.

“Sure thing, hot stuff, just let me lock up.”

She plucked her purse out of the locker and slammed it shut, turning a dazzling smile to him as she took his hand. He felt numerous pairs of eyes on them as she led him down the hallway, and heard one male voice mutter ‘whipped.’ He would have glared at the guy, but looking at Chloe from his angle was too enjoyable to avert his eyes.

They arrived at a little office filled up with desks, computers and newspaper clippings and Lucas thought he might be looking at the physical representation of his blond partner’s psyche. It was chaotic, colourful and lovely at the same time, and she melded into it like Lex settled into his library office. It was her place and he envied her confidence in it.

He sincerely hoped he would one day have a place of his own, possibly in LuthorCorp. It would be a way to repay Lex for his forgiveness and support against their father and it would give him the stability he secretly craved.

In the past few weeks he had started to include Chloe in that fantasy, but he knew it was more important to have family and friends than girlfriends. Even if Lex and Chloe got back together, she would still be there for him and Lucas’ disappointment was mollified by that.

“Have a seat,” she said, tossing her purse down on a desk and letting go of his hand. She sat on a battered couch and patted the space next to her encouragingly.

Lucas realized he was hovering nervously in the middle of the room and hurried to join her. The conversation was going to be bad enough without acting like she was going to jump him.

He sat with his arm over the back of the couch and around her by default, and Chloe shifted a little to lean into his side. What would have been fun and flirtatious seemed now to be a betrayal and he squirmed a little.

“Green eyes, we have to talk,” he started, trying to look at her sedately. “There’s something important going on here and I think it needs to be addressed.”

Chloe clapped her hands over her mouth in comic horror and gasped dramatically.

“You’re pregnant&#33;”

Lucas burst out laughing and grabbed her around the waist, tickling mercilessly. She struggled a little bit, but went with his hands when he pulled her onto his lap. She ended up straddling his legs and clinging as her body writhed in reflex. Eventually he stopped tickling, pulled her into his chest to catch her breath, and Chloe folded her elbows and snuggled close. They were silent for a long, peaceful moment, then she angled her face up to look at him.

“You were saying?”

“I know about you and Lex,” he said seriously, “ and I think you need to give him another chance.”

Her brow furrowed and Chloe sat back to look at him strangely. “Another chance to do what?”

Lucas ran his hands through his hair and sighed. “He’s in love with you. I know. I saw the security tape from a couple of days ago. I’m not sure why you hid it, but I don’t feel right about being anything more than friends with you under the circumstances.”

Huh, she thought, so Lucas was the intended audience. Interesting.

“It’s not even like that,” she said. “Lex and I have never been romantically involved. What you saw was,” she waved her hand vaguely in the air, “ some kind of drama he set up to mislead you.”

He shook his head and cupped her face so she knew he was being serious.

“No, he spent the past two days locked up in a room he tore apart, drinking and crying over you.”

“Crying?” Chloe had the Luthor disbelieving eyebrow down pat, and used it.

“Maybe not crying,” he shrugged. “Moping, mooning, staring at your picture. Playing the most depressing classical music ever composed.”

She nodded consideringly. “And how do you know this?”

Lucas tensed as he caught on to her wryly suspicious tone. “I was looking into his window from a stepladder.”

“And where did you find a stepladder?”

“It was right outside my window . . . that vicious bastard . . . he’s good. “

Lucas let his head drop onto the back of the couch and blinked hard. He’d been played, seamlessly and by his boring older brother. How embarrassing.

“He’s damn good,” Chloe agreed. She put her hands on his shoulders and kneaded them gently. “Don’t feel bad, you got taken by the best.”

He cracked open an eye and looked at her leeringly.

“And this means that you haven’t been taken by him?”

She gave him a grin and a shake of her head. “Not in the ‘spank me hard and call me a dirty girl’ sense, no. But I’ve only heard good things.”

“That manipulative jerk . . . I can’t believe he would take two days off work just to smoke me,” Lucas complained.

“He’s more playful than he appears to be, once you take a few swipes at him.”

He laughed and toyed with the flipped ends of her hair. “So, we need vengeance.”

“Sure do.”

“Can it be fiery? With explosions and stuff?”

Chloe tilted her head back and imagined Lex’s face as he watched his cars explode into flames and flying metal, and she gave a delighted shiver.

“Hmmm. Maybe, but we’ll have time to talk about it after the party. Do you have everything you need to leave now?”

Lucas nodded. “I’m set. Who are we spying on tonight?”

“Thomas Bakvis. Very rich and publicly aligned with the religious right, but supposedly he uses his daughter’s high school as a dating service. We’re going to retrieve his little black book and put an end to the Woody Alleness because frankly, it’s gross.”

“Same song and dance,” Lucas asked.

“Same song and dance,” Chloe answered.

Lucas was her ace in the hole when it came to investigating. He posed as a young upstart executive to get them into society parties in Metropolis, and they snooped under the pretense of a clinch. It was Chloe’s job to mingle and play the lovely ditz.

It was amazing how forgiving someone was when they thought he was just trying to get laid. No one even asked how they managed to find their way into offices and private areas because they were usually laying on the embarrassed couple act pretty thick. Lucas would throw himself in front of her as she pretended to pull her dress back together, making little noises of upset as he soothed her with endearments like ‘doll-face’ and ‘bunny.’

Best of all, with Lex thinking they were going out on dates, he didn’t interfere with her work. Lucas was like Lex repellent and if she didn’t like him for himself that would be enough.

Chloe leaned into his chest and wrapped her arms tightly around his shoulders, squeezing him roughly and making an exuberant purr. He held her just as tightly, though with less than his full strength, and squished her playfully.

“You’re my favourite toy, Goddess,” he said, burying his face into her fragrant neck. “And I’m not just saying that because it’s driving Lex crazy that I won’t share you.”

Only question is why it drives him crazy, he thought.

“Thank you,” she replied. “I like you, too.”

Standing in the doorway, Clark listened to the couple and tried not to burn a hole in Lucas with his heat vision. He was really starting to hate that guy, and his opinion of Lex wasn’t that good lately, either. He had only heard the last few lines of dialogue but he didn’t like it. There was something wrong with a world where his best friend was rolling around with two different guys in the same week. Both Luthors seemed far too possessive of her, and there was little chance things would turn out in her favour.

He backed away silently and stomped off to rally some help.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ +++++++++++

“Shhh, Lucas, look&#33;”

His eyes followed her pointing finger and Lucas stifled a groan. Bakvis was a paranoid guy and there were security cameras everywhere. They were standing outside his office door, but if he surveilled his hallways it was absolutely certain there was at least one camera in his work space. Their surprise and disheveled clothing wouldn’t fool someone here.

Chloe backed Lucas into a wall and wiggled close to him, the halter neckline of her dress giving him a really nice glimpse of ivory skin. Her lips hit his neck and then she stretched up on tiptoe to whisper in his ear.

“I can work this, but we’ll have to make it look good. Just keep kissing my neck and stuff and I’ll pull you toward the furniture. Hopefully the book will be on top of his desk and you can just lay me down on top of it so I can grab it.”

He tried to keep his wits about him, but whether they were acting or not she felt good. Laying her down on a flat surface sounded like a good idea for an entirely unprofessional reason, and he didn’t have to pretend to enjoy it when her hands ran up his chest.

“Okay, go,” he said, planting a kiss dangerously near her plunging cleavage.

Chloe let out a real gasp as he turned them suddenly, shuffling them along the wall and into the doorway. She nearly forgot where they were and he had to open the door for her. They stumbled inside and he shut the door behind them, letting her step back a little as he glanced around the room. It was a typical office with a desk, chair and a small lounge area.

“You look so good tonight, kitten,” he said, pulling her back into his body. She melted into him gracefully and Lucas let his hands slide around to her back.

“You, too, baby,” she said, using the vacuous blond voice that fooled so many people. Chloe’s supple twist of hips guided them to lean against the edge of the desk and he lifted her up to sit.

“You’re so hot,” he said, meaning it as her knees drifted open to allow him to step nearer. Chloe leaned back as he leaned in, and then she was lying on the desk with Lucas half on top of her.

He took her wrists in his hands and pushed her hands over her head, then let them go to trace his fingers down to her sides. Her dress was riding up and gaping open and he was getting almost a full view of her left breast.

Chloe tried to look like she was flailing in passion as her hands ran over the desk, searching for the small address book. She knew it was the old cliched black leather notebook but Lucas had started moving his hips in a light rhythm that was making her rather sorry they were on business. It was bad enough to be pressed up so close, but he had a definite erection and his mouth was planted right between her breasts and doing wonderful things. Her nipples were his biggest fans and she wasn’t at all put out by the mild grinding.

“Mmmmmmm, that’s so good,” she said, then moaned in a mixture of excitements as her hands found the book. Palming it carefully in a shaking hand, she slid her hand down over her own body, chafing a nipple angry at being neglected.

Lucas was damn good, so damn good that he not only managed to snag said nipple between his lips, but also lift her into his body so she could slide the book into his jacket pocket. There was nowhere in Chloe’s outfit to hide anything.

Even after the book was safely stashed, they stayed where they were, and she latched her mouth onto his neck to suck hard. He was delicious, and highly skilled and she defied any woman with a brain to stay cold under the hot kisses he was peppering on her shoulders.

“Chloe,” he said, drawing it out like a really filthy suggestion. Lucas’ mouth settled on her neck and she could feel him giving her a matching hickey. She arched up and turned her chin as he pulled back slightly, and then it happened.

They were kissing, two tingling sets of lips rubbing over each other and opening to allow tongues to duel.

When she woke up that morning Chloe had thought it would be a regular day for her. Unexpectedly, it became the day everything shifted so off-kilter she finally knew how to interpret the feelings of dissatisfaction she’d been having for so long.

They froze as the door to the office opened and a clearing of the throat cued them to take up their embarrassed routine. Two startled pairs of eyes opened and met, and they jumped apart awkwardly.

Oh God, she thought, this just got a million times more complicated.



:devil: Hee hee&#33; *runs away*

Rae
9th December 2004, 12:32
:ohmy:

I-spuh-uh-wha-na-Chl-cas-uh-puh-um-nah. But bah-ex-smut-um-pah-wha-nyah.

Look what you&#39;ve done to me, nonky&#33; You&#39;re sick, just plain sick. Has Lionel possessed you? Never mind, that&#39;s no excuse. <Crazed look>

Mark my words: I will get you for this&#33; <Shakes fist> :rage:

Béatrice
9th December 2004, 13:02
Great update. :clap: Ooooh I loved the Chlucas scene&#33;&#33;&#33; :blush:

More? :worship2:

Zannie
9th December 2004, 15:32
Hee--what a way to begin my day.

I loved the last scene and don&#39;t blame Chloe a bit.

Can&#39;t wait for the next update.

hfce
9th December 2004, 15:57
I have no words. :nobad:

AlabamaWorley
9th December 2004, 18:44
My goodness, I love this fic&#33; :D

Kit Merlot
9th December 2004, 18:53
Good freakin&#39; lord, this fic rocks :biggrin: The Chlucas is fabulous, and I love how Chloe caught on to Lex&#39;s plan.

Your version of Chloe is awesome--sexy, smart and sassy&#33;

I just wish the show would let this Chloe be seen on SV itself :cool:

WELL DONE&#33;

buddyfozzy
9th December 2004, 20:04
Dammit woman&#33; Get back here&#33;&#33; :devil: :devil: :devil: :devil: :devil:

Wonderful chappie, post the next part soon :worship2: :worship2: :worship2:

:chlexsign4:

randa
9th December 2004, 20:38
oh my god&#33; Lex is there isn&#39;t he&#33;

you are an evil one :devil:


randa

autumngold
9th December 2004, 20:59
Oh, you&#39;re such a tease&#33;&#33; ;) Was it Lex who walked in on them? Can&#39;t wait to read more&#33;&#33; Please update soon&#33;&#33; :yay: :chlexsign3: :yay:

lexchloe
10th December 2004, 00:32
:ohmy: Why is Chloe making out with Lucas??? :nobad: Don&#39;t get me wrong he&#39;s nice and all but he&#39;s competing against the SEXY&#33;&#33;&#33; Nice update, sassy Chloe is a good Chloe. Clark is an ass as usual. Lex is the one who&#39;s walked in on them right???? More please.

buffiy18
10th December 2004, 06:40
:ohmy: :yay: :worship2: Oh my, I loved it every bit of it. Glad Lucas got a clue about the real Lex. And boy was Lucas and Chloe HOT&#33; :yay: :wub: I just loved it. I am not going to threaten you. I loved the chapter too much to, but if you don&#39;t update really really soon, I may begin to threaten.

? How will Lex truely win Chloe back after she has had a real taste of Lucas :wub: Oh the possibilities. I don&#39;t mind Lucas and Chloe for a little while.

tiger04
10th December 2004, 06:47
wonderful just wonderful. I can&#39;t wait for the next update.

AT

Janet
10th December 2004, 07:23
Wonderful chapter&#33; Loved the Chloe/Lucas parrying back and forth. They&#39;re good for each other. And Lucas is falling.... uh oh&#33; Careful guys&#33; Loved the inventive pseudo&#33;desk&#33;sex. Nothing better.... :devil:

Fav lines....


That finger, like the rest of her he’d seen, was gorgeous.


She gave him a grin and a shake of her head. “Not in the ‘spank me hard and call me a dirty girl’ sense, no. But I’ve only heard good things.”


*giggle*

kitten
13th December 2004, 16:33
The Billionaire Muggings
Smallville R Fanfiction

SPOILER WARNING: Spoilers abound, up to the current episode in U.S./Canadian release.

Disclaimer: Smallville, the characters therein, and all affiliated copyrighted materials are owned by the WB. This is a work of fanfiction not intended for profit or infringement, only for the pleasure of fans of the series.

A/N: This was supposed to be a short, modestly funny little story. There wasn’t supposed to be anything filthier than ‘dammit.’ Look at it now . . . Chlex, Chlucas and Chloe’s very own pimp. All I can say is I’m very ashamed of myself and everyone reading this. And please enjoy.


Chapter Ten


Brown eyes took in the rumpled couple as they pulled apart and stood up. Chloe’s dress was a blueish green that seemed a little tame for her, but the halter neck kept it interesting. She was daintily trying to smooth the brown wig she was wearing, and he found himself missing the bright golden locks. It had been so long since he’d seen them up close, so long since he’d dared to pull her to his body and hold her.

Pete Ross liked blonds. In particular, he liked Chloe Sullivan.

He liked Luthors much less, but he was willing to deal with Lex if it meant getting her out of the ridiculous situation she had gotten into. Who in their right mind thought taunting a petulant billionaire was fun?

A snicker made him look to Chloe’s companion, the one other person who shared her dangerous hobby. Lucas Dunlevy was a classic bad influence on her. The pranks had only escalated after he arrived in Smallville. He was not so subtly adjusting his tuxedo trousers and Pete fought to keep the cheerful act that had gotten him into the party.

“Baby Doll&#33; I’ve been looking all over for you&#33;”

He saw her eyes widen as her embarrassment was forgotten, and nearly groaned.

Yes Chloe, I am your gay, black pimp.

Lex had supplied him with a suit, but Pete had been on the plane flying to Metropolis before he saw it. The light maroon pinstripes were impeccably fitted to his body and he didn’t want to speculate how the billionaire had done it. Paired with a light pink shirt and a cravat in yellow silk, football scholarship winner and wannabe womanizer Pete Ross was looking super gay.

You’d better appreciate this, Chloe.

“You got the show in Milan, but darling we have to get you on a plane this second. You’ll have to leave your man hors d’oeuvre and put on your best Dolce and Gabbana traveling suit,” Pete said, continuing the effeminate tone he was affecting.

He had to force himself not to punch Lucas as he strutted up to Chloe and started fussing with her wrinkled dress. He had no idea how to walk gay and it didn’t seem like he was doing it right, but he was at least doing it in italian leather loafers that matched his outfit.

“The show in Mi-lan?” Chloe tried to figure out whether she was mortified or amused, but when she looked down to see Pete’s hands pulling her dress over to cover her aroused nipple she had her answer. Her voice hitched on what might have been a sob.

He let out a large, booming laugh that might not have been convincing, but Pete figured it was better than disfiguring her recent snuggle bunny.

“Precious, did you forget? Oh, you’re just all spunk and pouty lips, aren’t you?”

He leered at her genuinely, because her lips were most definitely pouty. Then, remembering his cover story, he pulled out one of his fake business cards and handed it over his shoulder at Lucas.

Who is this guy, Lucas wondered, taking the pink card that was doing a fan dance at him.

“Peter Le Dain, Model Representative, Fashion Raconteur, and Image Fluffer,” he read, raising a questioning eyebrow at Chloe.

She blinked several times, then realized if they all wanted to end the night without a trip to the police station she would have to play along.

“My agent, of course, Sweetie,” she said, giving Pete air kisses over both cheeks.

Lucas sighed and shrugged. Every day with Chloe was stranger and stranger, and for an illegitimate Luthor son that was quite a feat.

“Oookay, well then, we should go if you have to go to . . .”

“Milan,” Pete finished for him.

“Milan,” Lucas parroted without the effeminate tone. “If this fine gentleman would get our coats?”

The butler did so with a small tip from him, and Lucas found himself in a limo with a woman he’d just mauled on a desk and a man who might be the most sexually confused individual he’d ever met.

“Goddess, I’m not complaining yet, but do you know this guy?”

Chloe glanced between the two men, feeling more than a little like the bone between dogs. However, her discomfort with sitting in the middle was a small price to pay to avoid the bloodbath that would probably result in sitting them next to each other. Angry or not, she didn’t want to see Pete in prison for killing Lucas.

“Yes, I do,” she gritted out. “This is my former friend, Pete Ross. I’m fairly certain Lex sent him to hinder our night out.”

Lucas nodded and opened the cabinet that held the liquor. He made a disgusted noise when he saw all the alcohol had been removed. There was only soda and juice. He poured a small glass of orange juice for Chloe and she accepted it with a weak smile.

“I’ll take a soda, dude,” Pete said, no longer using the gay accent.

Lucas handed the can of cola over Chloe’s lap and looked at the other man.

“So you’re not a model representative, fashion raconteur and image fluffer?”

“Nope, and not gay either. It just went with the suit,” Pete said.

“If you ask me the suit should go,” Lucas snarked, rifling through the bar for a virgin beverage he could tolerate.

Chloe snickered and Pete sighed. Like two peas in a pod, he thought distastefully.

“Wasn’t my idea, I think Lex was making the wardrobe decisions.”

Lucas finally selected a ginger ale from the bar and opened the tab. “Tootsie tends to make a lot of wardrobe decisions that aren’t very heterosexual.”

Chloe found herself flashing back to the sofa in Lex’s library. The only way to describe his actions that day was rabidly heterosexual, but there was no way to share that particular insight without a very awkward conversation. She didn’t think Pete was interested in hearing about Lex’s very impressive erection rubbing on her stomach.

“Okay, boys, Lex is a sissy and you’re both all leather and rawhide in that Clint Eastwood, Marlboro Man way that drives all women crazy. Sexual preference aside, Pete, what the hell did you think you were doing?”

Green eyes blazed at him and Pete suddenly remembered the weakness she had always been to him. Fearless, ballsy and pushy, Chloe played him like a violin. He was instantly guilty and defensive and he knew with a twist of teasing smile he could be aroused and cheerful.

No wonder Lex Luthor couldn’t handle her, she was pure emotion that demanded the same in return. Pete looked around his blond friend to Lucas and realized he wanted her to win. She deserved to win. Luthor could deal with it.

Pete got that dazzling smile a few minutes later as he told her everything that had happened since Lex had answered her cellphone.


++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ +++++++++++


All three teenagers went out for pancakes, trying to find some common ground aside from their anti-Lex allegiances. There wasn’t much they all shared, but Lucas and Pete bonded quite a bit more than Chloe had expected over the tales of the billionaire’s humiliations. Apparently Lucas told the stories better than she did.

They had been dropped off in the parking garage where Lucas had parked hours earlier, while Pete had taken the limo back to the airport. He was enjoying the hospitality of Lex’s private jet to get home in time for football practice.

Leaving a rumpled Chloe with Lucas and a vacuum of conversation. They had plenty to discuss, should actually be planning their next move against Lex, but no one was speaking. He was driving at a reasonable speed back to Smallville and she was trying to ignore the tension.

It wasn’t sexually charged tension, in fact was the opposite. Rolling around on the desk had been fun, invigorating in a general kind of way. Her body was sexually starved and it liked the attention. However, once they had kissed for the first time it was all rather moot.

She was always rather hot to trot around him, and she enjoyed his company. He could banter almost as well as Lex and he was certainly possessing the Luthor genes for charismatic menace. It should have been a good idea to kiss Lucas. Turns out it was just kind of . . . nothing.

When her eyes had jolted open as Pete burst into the room the reality hadn’t matched the pictures in her mind, and everything became much cooler. Her body was still in a state of theoretical arousal, but there was no urgency behind it anymore. Her desire wasn’t directed at Lucas, and it faded quickly.

“That wasn’t the hottest kissing experience of your life, was it,” Lucas finally asked.

“No, no. I got nothing. No offense.”

She looked guilty and he smiled wryly.

”None taken, it didn’t quite work for me either. Kind of like kissing my sister-in-law.”

Chloe aimed a slap to his face, but her arm slowed down as she realized something terrible. It was accurate to a point. She’d much rather be with Lucas’ brother than Lucas.

“Ah, hell.”

The slap landed but there was barely an impact and he chuckled.

“So you just figured it out, huh? Sorry about this, Goddess. I really do like you a lot.”

“I know. Unfortunately for me, I’m somehow more attracted to your pompous, bossy jackass of a brother,” Chloe said. “I have such bad taste in men - present company excluded.”

Lucas smirked and bowed his head gracefully.

“You have all my sympathies and I think you’ll need them.”

“Oh yeah,” she said, slouching down dejectedly and resting her head on the seat belt.

“On a side note, are you always this lucky?”

She questioned his meaning by raising an eyebrow, the slight flush to her cheeks a precursor to her anger.

“Not that kind of lucky, gutter-mind,” he said, hunching his shoulders in case she decided to attack him again. “I meant, do you usually get to walk away from getting caught in situations like that with such bizarre circumstances?”

“Yes, actually. Is that something special?”

“We just walked away from a Saturday Night Live sketch without as much as an eyebrow raised in our direction. I’m pretty sure a day or two at the race track with that kind of luck could buy me a nicer Ferrari than Lex’s.”

“That would kill him,” she said. “There’s not much anyone else has that he can’t beat.”

He thinks I have you and that’s making him pretty jealous, Lucas thought. And I guess that’s our weapon.

lexchloe
13th December 2004, 16:44
:lol: :lol: Always did think Pete was a bit of a pimp what with all his ladies&#33;&#33; Thst was great. Glad Chloe&#39;s realised that she&#39;s attracted to Lex. :chlexsign2:

Zannie
13th December 2004, 17:52
I was getting all hot for a triangle, and then you took it all away. Although it makes me appreciate the end of the last chapter even more--brilliantly subtle writing.

Good for Chloe, though, not getting distracted by Lucas. And poor hilarious Pete.

Great update.

autumngold
13th December 2004, 18:13
Thank you so much for having Chloe realize that she likes Lex and not Lucas&#33;&#33; I didn&#39;t want Lucas to get strung along&#33;&#33; Thanks for the update&#33;&#33; I&#39;m am really enjoying this story&#33;&#33; :worship2: :chlexsign4: :worship2:

hfce
13th December 2004, 18:33
Thank you for not making it a triangle. I am so sick of triangles. It just smacks of taking the easy way out. I rather deal with the couple one to one and not have another person be the reason. I really liked pimp Pete. It makes sense since he had been pimping the products the WB gave to him. :lol:


Hope :)

AlabamaWorley
13th December 2004, 18:43
“Tootsie tends to make a lot of wardrobe decisions that aren’t very heterosexual.”

I literally almost sprayed my coffee at that one. This fic is just hysterical, I love it&#33;

Kit Merlot
13th December 2004, 20:36
Excellent chapter&#33;

And, the return of Pete--AWESOME :biggrin:

I&#39;m glad we aren&#39;t going to have Lucas becoming a real romantic rival.

This story continues to rock :chlexsign2:

buddyfozzy
13th December 2004, 23:58
This fic is so funny&#33; Excellent chapter&#33; :yay: :worship2: :worship2: :yay:

Rae
14th December 2004, 02:03
:pclol:

Aww, man. That was too hilarious&#33; Must remember not to drink and read this fic at the same time. Pete&#39;s a pimp&#33; <Falls out of chair> I wish Pete was my pimp.

As for Lex and his not-so-hetero choices in wardrobe, you can&#39;t wear all that lavender and not be a smidge metrosexual. That&#39;s all I&#39;m saying.

More soon, please? I develop a twitch when there are no updates of this story. Pity me. :puppyeyes:


Oh, and now that your fic has been thoroughly debauched, shouldn&#39;t you just surrender to the pleas for smut? Smut, smut, smut, smut, smut&#33; :yay2:

buffiy18
14th December 2004, 04:26
Oh, how I love Pete in this chapter. It was way too funny, especially how LUcas had no idea who he was for a while. Good to see that Lucas and Chloe both realize that she is ment for Lex. Looking forward to some Chlex soon. :chlexsign2:

tiger04
14th December 2004, 07:42
Loved this chapter. I laughed so hard when I read pete&#39;s part. Happy that chloe finaly figured the much needed info about her and lex.

Hope you update more soon

AT

S.Ann Smith
15th December 2004, 20:16
Originally posted by nonky@Dec 13 2004, 06:33 AM
Yes Chloe, I am your gay, black pimp.
:pclol:

oh god i love this story, i love this chapter,

and chloe&#39;s realization :wub:

lexodus
16th December 2004, 00:59
I just read this whole thing and damn, nonky, you did it again. How do you manage to write such enjoyable fic? I really like this one, though. Lex being jealous without actually admitting he is, the return of pete-someone should make a little icon in a fedora with a feather-and you brought in Lucas. Great job. I can&#39;t wait for the next part. :yay: :yay: :yay: :worship2: :worship2: :worship2: :wub: :wub: :wub:

Janet
16th December 2004, 03:10
“So you’re not a model representative, fashion raconteur and image fluffer?”

“Nope, and not gay either. It just went with the suit,” Pete said.

“If you ask me the suit should go,” Lucas snarked, rifling through the bar for a virgin beverage he could tolerate.

Chloe snickered and Pete sighed. Like two peas in a pod, he thought distastefully.

“Wasn’t my idea, I think Lex was making the wardrobe decisions.”

Lucas finally selected a ginger ale from the bar and opened the tab. “Tootsie tends to make a lot of wardrobe decisions that aren’t very heterosexual.”

You are a goddess... :devil:


Now keep writing&#33;&#33;&#33; Keep writing&#33;&#33;&#33; :yay:

kitten
27th December 2004, 16:26
The Billionaire Muggings
PG-13 - R

SPOILER WARNING: Spoilers abound, up to the current episode in U.S./Canadian release.

Disclaimer: Smallville, the characters therein, and all affiliated copyrighted materials are owned by the WB. This is a work of fanfiction not intended for profit or infringement, only for the pleasure of fans of the series.

A/N: Chloe and Lex are out of control and Lucas and Pete are along for the ride. I’m not even sure what the score is at this point, but suffice it to say the gloves are off. Even when they’re not trying to get back at each other, Chloe and Lex in the same room are a force of destructive power heretofore unknown in Smallville.


Chapter Eleven


“It worked.”

Pete sat back on his bed and used his cellphone to call the poor fool. With just Chloe against him Lex might have stood a chance, but as long as he was around she would have at least one person at her back. Even from Wisconsin.

“Pete, hello. Why don’t you tell me what happened,” Lex said, sitting up on the sofa.

He was in the third day of his pathetic display of lovesick solitude, and was looking forward to getting back to work in the morning. Slouching around looking negative was more taxing than he had expected and he was starting to feel a bit too much like he should have a plaid shirt and a barn loft with a telescope. Not to mention how tiresome it was getting to trip over all the debris of his tantrums.

He was practically giddy with the success of his plan. Lucas had arrived back in Smallville before 2 a.m., quite a bit sooner than he usually returned. Chloe hadn’t been with him and when Lex had inquired about her his brother had gotten defensive. It had been all he could do to hide a smirk and put the droopy expression on his face as he plodded to his bedroom.

“I don’t think Chloe will be pulling a Sydney Bristow anytime soon, but I didn’t get there until they were in the act,” Pete said sadly.

He knew Clark told Lex about his confession to Chloe while she was under the truth serum, laid it on thick in the unspoken grief he projected. He remembered the loved-her-and-lost-her brooding he had felt while packing moving boxes.

Lex’s smile froze and dropped crashing to the messy floor as his eyes turned flinty. His grip on the innocent cellphone tightened with a creak of plastic.

“’In the act’ is a suggestive phrase, Pete, but it doesn’t tell me what you saw them doing,” he said.

The teenager forced his voice to croak up like he was fighting back tears, hoping it wasn’t too much. He really would have had that kind of reaction six months ago, but the distance was putting Chloe into better perspective. He had loved her like she had loved Clark, a painful lack of separation between friendship and romantic intentions. Now that he could recognize it he could control how deeply it affected him.

“Your damn brother was close but no cigar with her on the host’s desk before I could get to them. He had her clothes almost off in front of me and the butler,” he told Lex, letting anger leak out. He loved Chloe but he still didn’t like Lucas, even if he was less dangerous than his father or brother. And that remained to be seen, especially after the display of pawing and grunting he walked in on.

The billionaire squinted irritably as the mental picture of Lucas and Chloe formed, and he tried to brush it off as worst in the telling than he was imagining.

“I’m sure you’re exaggerating,” he said hopefully.

Pete’s eyebrow quirked humourously.

Damn, did Chloe know this guy or what? A summer together must have really been enlightening. Even Clark couldn’t predict Lex as well as his girl could.

“I put her back into her dress myself,” he said, frowning at the reality of the statement. It hadn’t been the way he’d wanted to finally see her ruffled and aroused, and it was equally disturbing that Lex was reacting jealously.

He wasn’t pleased that two pairs of male hands had been on her last night, even if Pete was trustworthy with her. It offended him in some possessive way that he had started to notice before his father was arrested.

Chloe was little, soft, blond, and therefore fragile. Thinking that way was dangerous but saying it out loud would get him killed for chauvinism. His ego couldn’t stand being killed by someone so cute. He’d lie on the ground and let her kick him to death with one of her sexy pairs of boots, probably looking up her skirt with a stupid grin on his face and expressing his gratitude.

“May I ask how Lucas managed to escape death at your hands?”

Pete grinned as he answered and took in Lex’s displeased reaction.

Hook, line, sinker and nosy blond reporter . . . Lex was falling for all of them.

Then he got worried again, because the nosy blond reporter was Chloe.

Does Gabe even have a shotgun?


+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


Brash classical music rang through the heavy oak doors and Chloe paused, rolling her eyes.

Lex Luthor, drama queen. No wonder he and Clark are friends.

She had contained herself for over twelve hours, letting the situation play out for a while before she came over to berate Lex for sending Pete in to ruin her snooping. It might be wrongish, but she was sure he had some business practices that were equally immoral and would be the first to tell her off for interfering.

“Okay you fraud, quit with the operatic despair and stop trying to run my life.”

She had talked herself into being calm, but looking at Lex in all his hot baldness reminded her that she was pissed off at him for being attractive. She tried to really dislike him, but he kept doing things like saving her life and helping her friends. If he was going to be nice all the time she couldn’t afford to give him any quarter.

She stomped into the ruined office and looked around with awe. Who knew Lex had it in him for such a fine example of childish rage?

The man himself was sitting blearily on a sofa pushed dangerously close to a blazing fireplace. There was a stack of photos next to him on the treated - and she would bet flammable - leather.

“Chloe, you’re here,” he said, rolling his head drunkenly toward her entrance. “And you’re so shiny.”

His arm reached out to her and she rolled her eyes. If he wanted a hug he was out of luck. She walked up to the end of the sofa and took in his dumbfounded expression. He looked younger, surprised but pleased. Kind of desperate for company. She gripped the sofa and pushed it back on the unoccupied side. Lex could catch on fire all he wanted when she was through yelling at him.

Maybe I’ll help.

She stepped into the gap between sofa and fireplace and looked down her nose at him.

“You tried to have me arrested.”

Her accusation didn’t deter him from sitting up eagerly, taking both her hands in his and kissing the knuckles. He opened his mouth over each one, letting his tongue drag over the cold-roughened skin. He nibbled, bit and sucked like he was working one or two other small rounded female body parts, and Chloe had to give him his due.

But she pulled away from the fun and gave her sternest look, cultivated from the examples of Martha Kent and her elementary school librarian.

“Lex, you circulated reports in Metropolis that some female jewel thief was working upscale parties in the city, matching my description plus the dark brown wigs I’ve been wearing. I could have ended up in custody on thousands of dollars of bail and become Mrs. Prisoner Number 537829,” she said.

He smirked and suddenly didn’t look very drunk at all. Chloe should have felt satisfaction that she had been right about his faked misery, but there was a hint of regret. Of course he didn’t feel upset over her, she was only Chloe.

“I wouldn’t have let you become jail bait. I would have bailed you out and gotten you out of trouble,” he said. “I know a good lawyer for annulments, too.”

He didn’t mention his sincere desire to get her into trouble in the first place so he could save her and bask in the gratitude.

She gave a long blink and a wry grin.

“Maybe you wouldn’t let me become jail bait for the general population, but I’m not sure I’m any safer from you. You know what they say: ‘Get in bed with Luthors, repent at leisure.’”

He shook his head and watched closely as her coat gaped with her crossed arms. She was wearing a short skirt and he grinned unabashedly.

“I’m pretty sure that’s a mixed metaphor and I don’t know who says that.”

“But it’s no less true,” Chloe insisted. “Also, it’s half a metaphor spliced onto half a maxim.”

“My mistake,” he said agreeably. He’d put up with a lot of disapproval to size up her legs like she was unwittingly letting him.

She sat down on the sofa and let her feet splay out to the fire. She was dressed for a warmer season, but the outfit would make it worthwhile for her eventually. Her arm curled casually over the back of the leather and Lex turned to sit facing her.

“Good that someone else makes those from time to time.”

He thought she was too good for Lucas, certainly too challenging for Clark or Pete, and definitely worthy of much better treatment than the meteor freaks who had tried to kill her after one or two dates.

Chloe looked at him as Lex’s expression became somehow sweet. He was looking at her closely, but he wasn’t lingering on her breasts obscenely. It seemed to be fond admiration, but not the kind of soft look he sometimes gave to Clark or Lana. There was a heat there that made her shift a little on her hip.

“Lex, are you drunk,” she asked, more for a tension breaker than anything else.

It didn’t help, because he dropped his head into a brief shake, then laid his temple on the back of the sofa and smiled at her in a way she’d never seen before on anyone. Like she was his favourite everything and he was completely happy as long as he could look at her.

And she jumped him, launching herself up to kneel on the soft leather and grabbing him by the shoulders. Lex was propelled back by her momentum, but he caught her around the hips and held her up as she leaned hard into his chest. His eyes closed and his lips opened obligingly as she kissed him hard.

Her tongue in his mouth and his darting into hers was magic, brilliant rainbows of hot sensation that made Chloe forget everything except continued motion. It was sexy and meaningful, and that was the missing element with Lucas. She found herself not only aroused but emotional as his hands adjusted to pull her closer and her head fell back to let him toy with her earlobe.

“Aw, hell,” she moaned, not even trying to slap him as her hand slid up to his handsome face.

The heat was unbearable, unbearable as he picked her up a few inches to straddle his lap. She was flushed with it when she actually saw the orange glow of flames from behind closed eyelids.

Maybe I can let him get away with all the stuff he’s done if he just keeps this up, she thought magnanimously.

Then Lex was throwing her off the sofa to land on her knees on the floor and Chloe’s eyes popped open with rage. There were moves, then there were moves that needed prior approval before he tried them out on her.

He was flailing behind her back, hauling on her knee length coat painfully, and she hunched her shoulders and let him take it. Lex tossed it into the fireplace and she finally understood what was going on.

He had literally set her on fire, probably when she leaned back in his lap. She fingered her short hair, thankful it wasn’t long enough to have gotten burnt. There were a few advantages to not being a long-haired brunette.

“Are you okay?”

There were smoke alarms going off in the mansion and footsteps clattering toward them, and Chloe was once again on her knees in front of a Lex who was slumped on his sofa. She shook her head viciously and turned all her frustrations on him.

“NO&#33; You ruin everything&#33;”

She climbed to her feet and put her hands on her hips, yelling with all the air she could muster in the smoky room.

“I can’t believe you and your smarmy, conniving ways. You ruined my career and now you’re ruining my life. What the hell is wrong with you?&#33; What the hell is wrong with me?&#33; WHAT THE HELL&#33;”

Lex tried, really tried to focus on her words, but she was wearing a short black skirt, fluttering around in a way that made her breasts dance delightfully and gorgeous. He frowned when he saw the scrapes on her knees, then frowned harder when her shirt collar flipped over to reveal a huge hickey he knew wasn’t from him.

Lucas had put his filthy mouth on her. Pete’s words flew through his mind and he was turning beet red, preparing to let out all the rage and concern that had been building up. Behind all the pranks there was a genuine anger at her and the upheaval she brought to his life.

“DAMMIT, CHLOE&#33;”

The roar was all he got out before several staff members burst in and started pulling her away from the overspilling fireplace. She let them, backing toward the doors and throwing a final snipe over her shoulder.

”The next time you make up a story, you might want to stay away from the truly absurd. A cat burglar named Catwoman?&#33;”


+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


“That man gives the best earlobe I’ve ever known to exist,” she sighed.

Chloe stretched out in Lucas’ bathrobe, fresh from a shower to wash away the soot and smoky aroma she had carried into his room. She was reminiscing to herself about events she refused to share with him, except to smile a cheshire grin. He had wanted to check on Lex and the office, but she had told him there were enough people handling it to delegate at least ten of them to make the lord of the manor a smoothie.

He suspected she was just trying to prevent him from finding out exactly how things had gone down, but he was reluctant to phrase it that way when he looked at her knees. For the second time in weeks he was patching them up because his brother had thrown her off the sofa.

“You make him into quite the klutz, Goddess. How do you do it?”

Her eyes opened and Lucas was struck by how warm and fuzzy it looked in them. Whatever Lex had done it was apparently very pleasant until the fire. He covered a chuckle by coughing. Only those two could manage a fire during a makeout session.

“I don’t do anything. It’s all him. He’s crazy,” Chloe said.

She turned on her side and huffed out a breath, and Lucas took the hint to quit with the first aid. He put the kit off to the side and lay down facing her, stroking a thumb over her forehead as she leaned in.

He smiled, and listened to her mumbled complaints.

“He set me up to get arrested for being a cat burglar, so we can’t go to anymore parties. And he’s bossy. Then he set me on fire and burned my coat. Then he swore at me again.”

Chloe pouted even as she relaxed into the pillows on the king size bed. Lucas tapped her on the nose and said, “I heard from Pete. He said the phone call went fine and he’s getting over the nipple blindness without any permanent damage.”

A slit of green eye opened and she arched the eyebrow above the sleepy orb.

“Nipple blindness - it’s like snow blindness, but pinker,” he clarified.

She laughed and pulled him closer, and Lucas let his arms close around her. No wonder he liked Smallville so much more the second time around.


++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ +


Lex didn’t bother to shower or change before he was hefting the stepladder around the house once again. Someone had moved it back into a shed and he’d had to brave such unfamiliar things as lawnmowers and leaf bags to get it.

“Should have known a reporter would be this much trouble . . . Is there some kind of guidebook for being irritating and destructive to my life once you get a press pass?”

He yanked the metal ladder open, propped it up to stand by Lucas’ window and found the woman who had so recently been sucking on his tongue sleeping in his brother’s bed. They were cuddled together and her clothes were tossed on the floor. Lex was willing to bet there was nothing on her skin underneath the bathrobe she was wearing. Surmising that it was Lucas’ as well made his mouth twist bitterly.

They’re the picture of a couple in love, he thought acidly, just like Pete said.

He didn’t know what she was trying to get away with anymore, but he wasn’t giving her another minute to let her do it.

autumngold
27th December 2004, 18:33
I can&#39;t stop laughing&#33;&#33; :biggrin: Chloe and Lex can&#39;t even kiss without Chloe being set on fire&#33;&#33; Excellent update&#33;&#33; I can&#39;t wait to see what Lex has planned next&#33;&#33; :yay: :chlexsign3: :yay:

crankychick
27th December 2004, 18:43
Fire&#33; Now that&#39;s chemistry in words and action if ever I saw it&#33; :biggrin: :biggrin: :biggrin:

Rae
27th December 2004, 19:14
Nothing says &#39;I love you&#39; like being set on fire. Too funny. :worship2:



Slouching around looking negative was more taxing than he had expected and he was starting to feel a bit too much like he should have a plaid shirt and a barn loft with a telescope.


His ego couldn’t stand being killed by someone so cute. He’d lie on the ground and let her kick him to death with one of her sexy pairs of boots, probably looking up her skirt with a stupid grin on his face and expressing his gratitude.

<Snicker>

eurydices falling
27th December 2004, 19:26
this is sooooooo good, like everything else you write. i can&#39;t believe i&#39;ve missed it for so long. now i&#39;m hooked. update soon please? :puppyeyes:

tiger04
27th December 2004, 20:07
She caught on fire. :goof: Loved that lex is spying on her with lucas again. I can&#39;t wait to see what lex&#39;s next move is going to be. Hope you update soon.

AT

buddyfozzy
27th December 2004, 21:45
Originally posted by autumngold@Dec 27 2004, 06:33 PM
I can&#39;t stop laughing&#33;&#33; :biggrin: Chloe and Lex can&#39;t even kiss without Chloe being set on fire&#33;&#33; Excellent update&#33;&#33; I can&#39;t wait to see what Lex has planned next&#33;&#33; :yay: :chlexsign3: :yay:
Exactly what I was thinking&#33; :yay2: This was too funny&#33; :goof: Can&#39;t wait to see what Lex has in store for Chloe&#33; :yay: :worship2: :yay:

Kit Merlot
27th December 2004, 22:37
I think I&#39;ve stopped keeping score&#33; I just want them to get together :biggrin:

This story is so awesome--WELL DONE&#33;

AlabamaWorley
28th December 2004, 03:18
I&#39;ve sort of lost track of what they&#39;re even trying to accomplish at this point, and I don&#39;t even care because they&#39;re so damn funny&#33; Another brilliant update :biggrin:

randa
28th December 2004, 04:02
go after your girl, lex&#33; :yay2:

i still cant believe they caught on fire :biggrin:


randa

Zannie
28th December 2004, 05:34
Hilarious. Priceless. I&#39;m still giggling.

More please.

hfce
29th December 2004, 00:41
:nobad: those two make no sense. Sheesh. :rolleyes:



Hope ;)

Janet
29th December 2004, 09:36
:yay: :yay2: :yay: :yay2: :yay: :yay2:

Thessaly
2nd January 2005, 02:10
Originally posted by nonky@Dec 27 2004, 03:26 PM
“That man gives the best earlobe I’ve ever known to exist,” she sighed.
I&#39;d like to test that theory. All in favour of a lightning raid on the "Smallville" set, say aye.

Thessaly

June
7th January 2005, 20:44
Ah, Good &#39;ole Chlex, can&#39;t seem to do anything right... even falling in love. If I beg, will you update? &#39;Cuz i&#39;ll beg, I will, it&#39;s what happens when you have an addiction....

Thessaly
12th January 2005, 01:45
Please update, nonky. There&#39;s a presentation tin of Blackpool rock in it for you. Can&#39;t say fairer than that.

Thessaly

zelda
12th January 2005, 04:16
Please update&#33; I love jealous Lex.

kitten
12th January 2005, 10:48
The Billionaire Muggings
Smallville R Fanfiction

SPOILER WARNING: Spoilers abound, up to the current episode in U.S./Canadian release.

Disclaimer: Smallville, the characters therein, and all affiliated copyrighted materials are owned by the WB. This is a work of fanfiction not intended for profit or infringement, only for the pleasure of fans of the series.

A/N: Lex just isn’t as good at twisted revenge as he used to be . . . It’s almost as if he really likes Chloe and doesn’t want to cause her misery. But that’s okay, I’ll just keep building up the resentment.

Some music borrowed respectfully from The Killers, Mr. Brightside specifically.

Also, Thessaly, I like the suggestion but I’m not sure kidnapping Michael Rosenbaum would put him in the mood for nibbling anything. My alpha male/parole officer tells me that kidnapping is a bad move on my part, considering how incriminating I am to myself under regular circumstances. I am impressed by your pinpointing my drug as sugar, which prompted me to finally sit down and finish this chapter, but you’re on your own with that raid to the set.


Chapter Twelve


Chloe woke up gradually, shifting around beside Lucas. He mumbled something and patted her absently on the back. She looked out the window and saw the light had changed very little, but knew it had been a few hours because her afternoon coffee craving had arrived.

She hit a three o’clock slump and her brain clicked over to primal survival tactics. The snarling and bitching got substantially worse until there was a hot caffeinated beverage in her hand. Some people without an appreciation equal to her own had dared to call it an addiction.

She and those delicious beans knew it was nothing less than true love.

“Lucas.”

“Mmm?”

“You wanna go out for a bit?”

“Is it time for your mid afternoon fix already?”

She pouted dramatically and opened her eyes wide at him. It was a classic move guaranteed to inspire a deep swell of shame and instant action to make her happy. Clark fell for it, so did Pete, and her father was a slave to the wide-eyed pout.

Lucas just laughed and swatted her on the butt. Chloe dropped the pout, wiggled her lips around, exhaled on a sigh and whimpered, then reinstated the pout.

“Get dressed, then. I’ll wait here,” he said, but he wasn’t showing any signs of being enslaved like she’d hoped.

In the bathroom, she pouted at herself in the mirror.

Is it broken? It used to work on everyone.

Chloe arranged her hair haphazardly, knowing the only thing that would tame the wild curls was another wash and blow dry. Her coffee couldn’t wait that long.

Half an hour later she was pulling off the black leather coat Lucas had found for her. It was rather Lex-scented, as was the lavender button-down shirt she had also accepted. The skirt had to stay, smoky or not, because nothing was suitable to replace it. She was almost a carbon copy of Lucas’ look, but he was only wearing a white undershirt under his jacket.

And he didn’t smell like Lex.

She liked the cologne that rolled across her nose periodically and had spent the drive into town sniffing at the collar. Clearly Lucas had stolen both garments from his brother’s closet, but she wasn’t about to complain. Lex owed her a jacket anyway.

Lucas was flipping through the CDs that provided the ambiance of The Talon, sneering at most of them and putting the others into a small pile next to the the stereo. Chloe wondered how much more sneering he would do if the stereo was tuned to one of the local radio stations, all of which specialized in country music. She didn’t think he had much appreciation for lonesome cowboy songs.

Finally, heaving a deep sigh, Lucas opened the drawer and inserted a CD, pushing the play button. He put the case back on the small pile of discs that had only inspired mild distaste and came to stand next to Chloe as she perused the menu.

“It is a family place,” she reminded him as he slouched onto a barstool. “They can’t just pound out Linkin Park. You’re supposed to be here to get pumped on the potables and faux Egyptian decor.”

He looked around with a distinct lack of appreciation for the surroundings, then looked blatantly at Chloe’s chest. She had taken the too big shirt and buttoned the middle, pulled the tails to one side of her waist and tied it off. She was left with a decent fit, but a rather indecent amount of cleavage.

“The only thing to look at here arrived with me,” he said, leaning forward for a better view. She crossed her arms and gave him a mildly chiding look, turning to Martha Kent as she appeared from the kitchen.

“Hi, Mrs. Kent.”

“Hello Chloe. How have you been? I hear you’ve been spending a lot of time with the new man in your life,” she said, her blue eyes twinkling merrily.

Lucas actually blushed as Chloe turned to him and smiled and Martha studied them together. They were very well-suited in both temperament and looks, and apparently very much in love from what Clark was saying. Of course, her son had also tried to rally her support in breaking them up, probably for those reasons. She worried about his sense of fairness and his ability to let go. So far the two major attractions in his life had both dissolved into differing degrees of friendship but he was still clinging jealously to his exclusive rights to both Lana and Chloe.

Clark has to learn to play fair with women, she thought. And his friends deserve a chance to be happy.

“I’ve been doing some traveling lately,” the blond said coyly, and Martha knew she didn’t necessarily mean in a car.

“I’m all about getting around.”

She stifled an unmomlike giggle at the innuendo and smiled gently instead.

“Well, it’s about that time for a drink, don’t you think? What would you like?”

Chloe ordered a large, complicated cappuccino while Lucas asked for an irish cream coffee. They declined pastries for the moment but lingered by the counter to look in at what was offered. Unnoticed, Lex pulled up in the Ferrari and parked, walking in and scanning the room. The usual modest weekend crowd was present, and most of the people looked up briefly before avoiding his eyes.

He sighed internally and straightened his jacket. After he had looked into Lucas’ room Lex had gone back to his own suite to shower and change. He had chosen clothing to fit his dark mood; black slacks and boots and a black leather jacket, softening it with a maroon shirt.

He spotted Chloe and Lucas huddled together over the pastries and sighed out loud. He’d just wanted to escape the worried glances of his staff members, but now he would have to deal with Chloe again. At least there weren’t any fire or prophylactics around. He might come out unscathed.

Right. I’m doomed. She’ll be the death of me. At least she doesn’t want my money.

The music on the stereo halted at the end of a song and started up in a quirky pop-rock rhythm. Lex watched as his brother swept Chloe around into a dance posture, pulling her into the clear area in front of the counter. She laughed and wrapped her arms comfortably around his shoulders, swaying into his movements.

It wasn’t the kind of music Lex was used to listening to, but apparently Lucas knew the words because his lips were moving close to her ear. Either that or he was expressing his lustful adoration in flowery, panty-removing terms. She was pressed close, her hips lined up with his as she sketched improvised dance moves.

Lex listened to the words in an effort to ignore all the rage he felt watching Chloe wiggle her ass around. It distracted him, but hit a bit too close to his most recent run in with her to be comforting.

It started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this?
It was only a kiss
It was only a kiss

He cringed as Lucas’ hand slid down to Chloe’s hip to pull her closer and glanced around the occupied tables. Their inexpert dance wasn’t raising the eyebrows it should, even when Lucas hitched her leg up around him and pulled her into a spin. Chloe gasped and clung to him to keep the balance on her other foot and Lex noticed her clothing as she arched back.

She was wearing his favourite shirt, the one he had looked for unsuccessfully before settling on the one he was wearing. At least she was attempting to wear it, but the barely buttoned fabric was bunching up at her midsection and gaping over her breasts. The hickey that had enraged him earlier was almost displayed by the sloppy collar and he seethed.

And I just can&#39;t look
It&#39;s killing me
And taking control

Jealousy
Turning saints into the sea
Swimming through sick lullabies
Choking on your alibi

He gritted his teeth over the infectious cadence and strode up to the counter, brushing by them and ignoring the flash of thigh he caught as Lucas set Chloe on her feet and stroked his hands down her back. She cuddled closer and purred as her arms squeezed around his ribs and Lex looked away. He’d do a lot for a hug like that on a bad day and his no account brother was getting them for publicly groping her.

Bastard, he thought.

Chloe finally turned back to the counter only to find Lex giving her the thousand yard stare of imminent death. He was gripping the counter so tightly his knuckles were white and she froze self-consciously.

Big stupid always makes me feel like a naughty child. I don’t mind the naughty part, but I’m not a kid.

“Hello Lex.”

“Chloe.”

It came out as a growl and Martha Kent frowned at the tension as she returned with two cups. Lucas moved around Chloe and took them, nudging her toward a table and breaking the staring contest she had started with his brother.

“Lex,” he said, nodding as he passed by.

He got a nod in return, but it wasn’t much of a greeting.

More like a bull sighting down its horns before it charges, Lucas thought.

Chloe slid into a seat and kept a wary eye on Lex, not even noticing when her coffee was placed in front of her. Lucas looked between his friend and his brother and wondered again what could have gone on that was so striking for them both. He resolved to get the tapes from the downstairs office and look them over during the night.

In the meantime, he had to make sure they didn’t mount each other on one of the tiny cafe tables.

“Drink me, drink me&#33;”

Lucas made the coffee cup dart toward Chloe’s hands, while chanting in the silly, falsetto voice. Her lips quirked and she looked at him fondly, taking the cup.

“Hello, coffee, I’ve missed you.”

She leaned down to put her lower lip on the cup, inhaling the scent of the beautiful brew. Her eyes closed blissfully and she let out a pleased moan. It was too hot to drink but the anticipation was wonderful for the moment. Chloe pushed Lex’s icy stare out of her mind and her entire body relaxed. Lucas’ arm came around her shoulders and he picked up his own coffee.

Lex squinted suspiciously at her as she leaned too far forward, her breasts almost spilling out of her - his - shirt. She was making a spectacle of herself and Lucas was lapping it up like an idiot. Her tongue dipped into the foam on the top of her drink and he despaired of his brother even surviving her influence.

Look at that lovesick idiot. Look at him fall for every move she makes. That minx has him helpless and obsessed and rapidly disgracing himself by his doormat behaviour. Poor guy. I have to stop her.

“They’re sweet, aren’t they?”

Lex turned to Martha and tried to disguise his sneer to make it look like a neutral expression.

“Yeah, as much as it’s worth,” he said.

She frowned and passed his usual plain black coffee to him. “You don’t approve?”

“No,” he replied, “I don’t. She’s too good for him and he doesn’t need any more distractions to starting a career.”

It’s like that, then, Martha thought with shock. Two brothers and one woman.

She didn’t want to see Lex lose his only family over a squabble about romance, nor did she want to see Chloe get hurt. It was too bad there was no way to fix it without some kind of loss for someone, but she knew there must be someone out there for Lex. It was only a matter of finding the lucky girl.

“I’m sure it will all work out,” she said consolingly.

He picked up the cup and brought it to his mouth, intending a quick sip to gauge the temperature. Just at that moment Chloe’s skirt slid off her leg and he caught a look at her panties. The automatic gulp he made caused Lex to suck down half of the scalding liquid, the rest splashing out as he dropped it. He spit out the coffee, stepped quickly to the side of the puddle to avoid it and landed in another one. As he watched his own legs fly out from under his body, Lex had one thought in his mind.

She must be stopped.

He landed hard and a few barstools fell on top of him, landing on his chest and his legs. Martha was running around the counter to help him up and Lucas was approaching as well, while Chloe was sitting stunned in her chair.

She’s a witch again, Lex thought. I’ve been hexed. This is all her fault.

He sat up before he had his breath back, pushing the seats off and climbing carefully to his feet.

“You okay, big brother? How many fingers am I holding up,” Lucas asked cheerfully. He held up three fingers and Lex had a sudden urge to break all of them when he remembered them on Chloe’s body.

“I’m fine,” he said tersely. “Sorry about the mess, Martha.”

She looked nonplussed and Lex tried to smile at her. She didn’t have any fault in his string of bad luck.

“As long as you’re okay,” she said. “Do you want to sit for a minute?”

Lex looked between Lucas and Martha, then to Chloe. She was giggling now that he was back on his feet, and he really didn’t want to be anywhere near her.

She didn’t even bother to stop drinking her coffee, he thought. Uncaring wench.

“I’ll be fine,” Lex said ominously.

He gathered up what was left of his dignity and walked deliberately out of The Talon to his car, mind racing. He was through with the soft hits and playful tactics. Chloe was going to get hit where it would slow her down the most.

lexchloe
12th January 2005, 11:19
:yay: :yay: Great update. Is it wrong that I :lol: when Lex fell down?????
He needs to give in and admit he wants the Chloe love&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33; Can&#39;t wait for more.

kitten
12th January 2005, 11:24
:biggrin:

For curiousity sake I went through the back chapters and came up with a scoreboard. It&#39;s Lex 9 to Chloe&#39;s 8.

-Lex steals Chloe&#39;s car and her clothes she was going to wear to snoop at a party
-Chloe puts a condom on his hand and humiliates him in front of some employees
-Lex whip creams her at The Talon
-Chloe makes him crazy wondering where she spends her time, until he climbs up her roof in the rain and falls off
-Lex follows her into Metropolis and tracks her to a hotel
-She fills his car with candy frogs and leaves him stranded
-Lex *ahem* licks her and Clark walks in to a lacivious scene
-Chloe leads Lex to believe she&#39;s sleeping with Lucas
-Lex turns Pete to his side
-Lex trashes his office and fools Lucas into thinking he&#39;s heartbroken
-Chloe ruins Lex&#39;s deception
-Pete shows up on Lex&#39;s behalf to stop Chloe&#39;s snooping
-Lex circulates rumours of a cat burgular to stop Chloe&#39;s partygoing
-Chloe turns Pete back to her side
-Lex sets Chloe on fire
-Chloe leads Lex to believe she&#39;s in love with/sleeping with Lucas (again)
-Chloe inspires Lex to burn his mouth on coffee and cause a humiliating scene at The Talon

Rae
12th January 2005, 11:27
Oh&#33; Oh, man, you&#39;re a hoot. Poor Lex. Silly Lucas. Bad Chloe. And I absolutely love the fact the men fall for Chloe&#39;s considerable charms. That&#39;s the way it should be.


At least there weren’t any fire or prophylactics around.

But fire & condoms make the day fun&#33;


In the meantime, he had to make sure they didn’t mount each other on one of the tiny cafe tables.

Lucas&#33; Don&#39;t interrupt the lovin&#39;. Punk.

Kit Merlot
12th January 2005, 16:13
Okay, this chapter was awesome but I am starting to feel bad for Lex.

But a pissed off and jealous Lex is always a treat :devil:

WELL DONE&#33;

hfce
12th January 2005, 16:51
I am sorry but I am getting sick of lucas. Please get rid of him. He is making me sick like it is for Lex. I know its not the popular thing to say here about Lucas. But I want my Chlex not Chlucas.



Hope :tease:

AlabamaWorley
12th January 2005, 17:01
Poor Lex - I so felt his pain. Public humiliation just blows.

Unless it&#39;s someone else. Then it&#39;s just damn funny :lol:

autumngold
12th January 2005, 18:38
I have a feeling that Chloe is going to regret ever laughing at Lex&#33;&#33; Of course I also think they should both stop playing games and :smut: &#33;&#33; :biggrin: Great chapter&#33;&#33; :chlexsign3: :yay:

Béatrice
12th January 2005, 21:30
:lol: Awww Poor Lex&#33;&#33;&#33;

lexodus
12th January 2005, 23:31
Originally posted by nonky@Dec 27 2004, 04:26 PM
His ego couldn’t stand being killed by someone so cute. He’d lie on the ground and let her kick him to death with one of her sexy pairs of boots, probably looking up her skirt with a stupid grin on his face and expressing his gratitude.
:lol:


Does Gabe even have a shotgun?
Isn&#39;t it a prerequisite for living in Smallville?


Lex Luthor, drama queen.
She&#39;s just figuring this out?


“Chloe, you’re here,” he said, rolling his head drunkenly toward her entrance. “And you’re so shiny.”
My new favorite line. :lol:


”The next time you make up a story, you might want to stay away from the truly absurd. A cat burglar named Catwoman?&#33;”


Great line.

This is going great. I can&#39;t wait to see where he&#39;s going to "hit" her.
:eyebrows:

June
13th January 2005, 00:41
Originally posted by nonky@Jan 12 2005, 10:48 AM
“I’ve been doing some traveling lately,” the blond said coyly, and Martha knew she didn’t necessarily mean in a car.

“I’m all about getting around.”


One of my favorite lines of this chapter. And have I mentioned how much I love Martha Kent? God, I wish she were my mom.



He gathered up what was left of his dignity and walked deliberately out of The Talon to his car, mind racing. He was through with the soft hits and playful tactics. Chloe was going to get hit where it would slow her down the most.

Can we um.. see that last part sometime soon? I mean, you have us on the edge of our seats here. Wait, no let me make a correction, I&#39;m off the seat, I&#39;m on the floor gasping from not knowing whether to laugh or cry and just dying for another update.

God, I love it when you update this story. Completely turned my crappy day around.

Waiting for more... as patiently as possible.

Thessaly
13th January 2005, 01:12
Originally posted by nonky@Jan 12 2005, 09:48 AM
Look at that lovesick idiot. Look at him fall for every move she makes. That minx has him helpless and obsessed and rapidly disgracing himself by his doormat behaviour. Poor guy. I have to stop her.
There&#39;s none so blind...

Oh, oh, oh. nonky, I love you. I had the worst day and then I came home and voila, sugar-induced update. I love "Mr Brightside"as well. And so appropriate for a seething, pea-green Lex.

But how&#39;s he going to hit Chloe where it hurts? I think she can live without Lucas but if he shuts down her coffee supply, there&#39;s going to be blood shed. And tears. And possibly some other bodily fluids. Bring on the decaffeinated smut&#33;

Thessaly *singing (well, I say singing), "Destiny is calling me. Open up my eager eyes..."*

Janet
13th January 2005, 02:34
Great chappy. Can&#39;t wait for Lex to try and make Chloe atone for her underwear. :hehe:

buddyfozzy
13th January 2005, 20:39
Originally posted by nonky@Jan 12 2005, 10:48 AM
He gathered up what was left of his dignity and walked deliberately out of The Talon to his car, mind racing. He was through with the soft hits and playful tactics. Chloe was going to get hit where it would slow her down the most.
Poor Lex. He needs a hug. :hehe: :hehe: :hehe:

Uh oh....Chloe better watch out. :ohmy: :ohmy: I can&#39;t wait to see what Lex will do to her now. :yay: :yay2: :yay:

Zannie
15th January 2005, 15:20
Thank you so much. I really needed a good laugh. Poor, poor Lex. I&#39;m still picturing (and giggling over) the embarassment.

Sometimes, I get this dull ache in my chest when I find lines that seem particularly psychologically realistic, even when they&#39;re not remotely angsty. I found at least two in this update.


Originally posted by nonky@Jan 12 2005, 10:48 AM
--She was almost a carbon copy of Lucas’ look, but he was only wearing a white undershirt under his jacket.

And he didn’t smell like Lex.


--He’d do a lot for a hug like that on a bad day and his no account brother was getting them for publicly groping her.

Bastard, he thought.



Incredible lines. They both gave me that achey thrill . . . but not in a sexual way, of course, even though it kind of sounded like that.

Looking forward to much, more more.

randa
17th January 2005, 19:36
i like i like&#33;&#33;&#33;
now i cant wait for the payback...


randa

Thessaly
9th February 2005, 01:12
Please update?

Have you forgotten about Anna Nicole?

Thessaly

vardaquareien
9th February 2005, 20:54
*gasp* Just discovered this wonderfully hilarious ficcy&#33;

It&#39;s nearly 6am though and I&#39;m in desperate need of sleep so my brains not up to giving you much more than: me loves, me wants more&#33;
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v28/vardaquareien/Smilies/puppydogeyes.gif *ribbit, ribbit*

~Kermy

tiger04
14th February 2005, 07:40
please please please please come back with a wonderful update that I know that you have. I really miss your writing. I am on the edge of my seat to see what is going to happen next.

AT

mik
15th February 2005, 07:31
:biggrin: :yay: :chlexsign3:
Lex&#39;s reaction=Drool-worthy funny
:drool: :biggrin:

Krysia
16th February 2005, 11:33
I love the way you write from Lexes point of view and i just adore this story. It&#39;s such an oryginal idea on one hand but on the other I can totally see this happening [ at least in my version of the show :biggrin: ]
please update&#33;

cwong
17th February 2005, 07:27
all that sexual tension...chloe and lex should just do it already and put everyone out of their misery :biggrin:

Sidhe
18th February 2005, 08:16
Mmmmm. Chloe better watch out. Lex is pissed&#33;

June
21st February 2005, 00:49
Nonky... where in the world have you run off to?

What have I told you about taking spontanious trips with Lex to exotic locations? It&#39;s not good for you, he doesn&#39;t return you for months.... he&#39;s so selfish. *Shakes head* Stupid billionaires...

I need my Nonky fix of wonderful fic...

eurydices falling
25th February 2005, 12:31
Bump :blinkkiss:

jafrizbee
26th February 2005, 03:27
I just started reading this story and now I&#39;m dying for more, I can&#39;t wait to see what Lex does now&#33;

squash
2nd March 2005, 07:25
I love this story so much, and I really miss reading it because it&#39;s so funny. Please come back and update soon.

starmoon
15th March 2005, 08:26
Funny I just love this story.

LarkLuthor
23rd March 2005, 08:39
Ok, where are you? It's been ages. The poor little fic looks like it's about to cry because it feels abandaned by it's parental figure. Come back and take care of the poor little baby.

Lark

tiger04
26th March 2005, 00:13
could we maybe have an update for this great fic. even a little one. I am dying to know what is going to happen next.

AT

coxxy
27th March 2005, 10:43
This is hilarious.... you've written the characters and situations so well

I cant wait to see what you write next :)

isera81
27th March 2005, 13:14
I enjoyed this story so much. please come back and update soon.
.

ColumbiaBlue
28th March 2005, 15:31
Nonky, Nonky, where for art thou Nonky? Has the Clanamydia killed you or something cause, *poke poke* update. Like now. Or I'm going to throw a tantrum of gigantic porportions.

Kit Merlot
4th April 2005, 03:17
Okay, I do believe an update is in order.

PLEASE??

I hope that's enough begging for you, but I'm happy to do more if its required :o

I just adore this story, and I have no shame :D

LarkLuthor
4th April 2005, 03:19
Yes, I'm impatient, and Yes, I should probably wait a bit for another begging session, but...


I NEEED MORE FIC! It is imparative to my survival! Please update! PLEASE!

Lark

kitten
4th April 2005, 08:29
The Billionaire Muggings
Smallville R Fanfiction
SPOILER WARNING: Spoilers abound, up to the current episode in U.S./Canadian release.
Disclaimer: Smallville, the characters therein, and all affiliated copyrighted materials are owned by the WB. This is a work of fanfiction not intended for profit or infringement, only for the pleasure of fans of the series.

A/N: See? Not abandoned, just neglected. The games continue. The word coffee was used 33 times throughout.


Chapter Thirteen


He held the knob as he eased the door open, not trusting Gabe to have kept his patio doors well oiled during the winter. He had people to do such things, probably too many trying to justify their employment or getting paid by his father to spy on him, but the Sullivan household was short a real homemaker. Chloe and her father shared the responsibilities, but neither of them had a lot of time to put into upkeep of their house. And somehow he didn’t think the young woman’s interests lay in domesticity. There weren’t too many big stories to uncover in your own home unless you were a Luthor.

His shoes hit the floorboards a bit too crisply for his purposes, but he refused to cower and sneak. He was Lex Luthor, he was breaking and entering, and he was going to do it with good posture. Anything less would ruin the lines of his clothing.

There shouldn’t be anyone at home. Gabe’s car wasn’t in the driveway and Chloe was still at The Talon or perhaps underneath Lucas in her lucky back seat. Either way, she wouldn’t be home soon.

Which begged the question of why he was trying so hard to be quiet. He banished the mental pictures of a sweaty Lucas-covered Chloe by slamming the door shut, relishing the the rattling of its frame.

That calm lasted for all of two seconds as the rattling continued and the french door wobbled on its hinges. He watched as it trembled in the frame, seemed to pause mockingly, then fell inward shattering each of the dozen individual panes of glass it contained.

He had been clear of the door and the glass hadn’t been kicked up or spread around. Most of it was still within the frame, cracked and splintered as the cold of the outside seeped into the room.

Apparently the Sullivan’s homemaking skills were even less capable than he had thought. The hinges had let go of the door with hardly an attempt to hold it up. Rather like his sanity. He could feel it fleeing but didn’t have the energy to cling to it. Even Chloe’s house was working against him.

He sighed and looked at the remaining door. It was identical, with another dozen panes of glass. Unfortunately it wasn’t a typical french door, and it had a distinctive look that he didn’t think would be found in the small local stores. Clearly this would be a problem.

He dialed a number usually reserved for much bigger problems, hoping Gabe would be out for a while. No doubt Chloe would be busy for a few hours, he sneered to himself. Hopefully Lucas wasn’t too quick on the draw and treated her to some foreplay.

“Yes, I need to get a door replaced at the Sullivan home. French, clear glass, black finish.”

He waited for an answer and was gratified not to be questioned for once. The polite, affirmative answer he received was a nice change.

“Twelve panes in each, and I need this done immediately. I’m here now, I’ll supervise,” he said.

Enrique’s smooth voice was as implacable as it always was, which was why the man had lasted many years in Lex’s employ. He would never have an outburst vilifying him for ruining everything or for his ‘smarmy, conniving ways.’ His butler was a fair, rational, sane person who wasn’t screwing his brother.

For example.

“I don’t know if it’s colonial,” he griped to the butler, exasperated at the poor turn his breaking and entering had taken. “Just get someone over here.”

He hung up the phone and frowned over the mess. This would not go unnoticed, even if the Sullivans weren’t neat freaks.

A cold wind pushed at his jacket and he looked around resentfully. It was a safe bet Lucas had been here as well, probably upstairs in Chloe’s room - her bed - many more times than the day he had tried to warn Gabe. Of course if he had known it was Lucas he was seeing through her window he might had thrown a rock through and strangled him like he deserved instead of being subtle.

Lex was never smarmy, and he rarely indulged in being conniving either. Should he connive he did it with class and dignity. Except for today’s conniving, which might soon qualify for a spot on a television special of dumbest criminals.

Somehow this was Chloe’s fault, too.

He paced a tight circle, shifting his shoulders irritably. She pissed him off and made him into the impetuous idiot who had wasted his teenage years with the wrong women and the right drugs.

She was also wearing panties in a vivid shade of indigo, underneath a skirt with a delightful flounce when she stormed out of a room. It was too bad those panties were likely in Lucas’ pocket by now, as he gave her an unstimulating pounding in her car. Lex’s pace turned into a stomp, and he turned to the offending french doors to slam the one that was still standing. Knowing it wouldn’t survive the punishment he made the most of it, slamming it seven times before standing back to watch it fall to the floor and shatter like its twin.

He nonchalantly dialed his cellphone again, and brought it to his ear without a greeting.

“The other door needs replacing as well.”

He hung up and headed into the kitchen, hauling out the large black garbage bag he had brought with him. CSI was very instructive for these sorts of outings, and he knew not to get his fingerprints anywhere unnecessary. Maybe if his father watched a bit more television he might be a better magnificent bastard.

I hope you finished your coffee, Chloe. It will be a long time before you see another cup.


+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


Chloe woke up on Sunday morning still grinning. She had dreamt about Lex working in a coffee shop, desperately bewildered as hundreds of customers yelled orders out and heckled him. He was even wearing a cute little apron with a happy coffee on it. In fact, if she thought about it, he might only have been wearing the apron.

Whatever the wardrobe, her dreams had made her cheerful and she showered and dressed before going downstairs to find a note from her father. He had a new job that took him out of town quite often, and he had left early in the morning. She took advantage of the solitude, turning the television to a movie on a kids’ channel she rarely watched anymore. Still, it was Honey, I Shrunk the Kids, so allowances had to be made. It was only a matter of time before there would be some kind of shrinking or growing meteor freak, so it was almost research.

She hummed cheerfully as she rifled through the cupboards. Now that the dad gravy train was running again there was a massive selection of luxury foods that provided no nutrition for maximum taste. Chloe chose two strawberry frosted pop tarts and took an orange from the fridge for cold prevention. As she was waiting for the toaster to warm her dessert-masquerading-as-breakfast she cut the orange into sections and plunked them into a bowl.

“Lex bare-ass naked and making me coffee, these are a few of my favourite things,” she sang off-key as she tore a paper towel off the roll. The pop tarts popped and she slid them onto a plate and carried all of the food into the living room.

She enjoyed getting crumbs on the sofa as much as was decent, then ate the orange with less enthusiasm.

It’s not the same when it’s good for you, she thought. Good sense is boring.

For once, Chloe had few plans for the day. The paper was in bed, safely waiting to be picked up from the printers. Her homework was mostly completed, and there were no outstanding household chores. Lucas was doing something in the city and Lex was probably going to take a few days off from harassing her considering she still had to get him back.

Well, I could hurt him, but I don’t want to. Stupid Lex with his good kissing, she grumbled. How can I make any serious attempt against him when I’d prefer to neck?

Chloe watched through the scene where the shrunken kids slept in a Lego block, then lost interest pretty quickly. She hated watching the ant that helped them get killed, and she should use the day for something better than television. Scanning the room her eyes landed on the patio doors and stopped. There was something about them that was really different.

Maybe Dad washed all those little panes, she thought. It’s probably been years since we did that.

She vacuumed the crumbs off the sofa, then decided she might as well finish the room. Half an hour later she was finished and a little thirsty, and her morning coffee seemed like a really good idea to congratulate herself on a tidy living room. As a reward for her hard work she would even spring for a few flavour shots in her $6 cappuccino. No one said true love was cheap.

She pulled on her coat and boots and drove quickly through the nearly empty streets. Church services had let out to send everyone home to their families and a big dinner. It caused a little pang of loneliness, but she was used to it. It was only a few months before she would be leaving home for school anyway.

She parked in front of The Talon and stepped out with a girlish bounce. Her blood sang coffee, her scalp tingled with anticipation and her limbs were enervated with joy. She practically skipped across the sidewalk and reached out for the door, ready for the lovely brew to complete her perfect -

The door didn’t open on the first push, so she pushed harder, putting her weight behind it. Chloe wrapped both hands firmly around the handle and pulled instead. When that didn’t work she stopped and read the sticker on the door, thinking the lack of caffeine was getting to her. There it was in large block letters. PUSH.

She did. Nothing. She pulled again in desperation. Still nothing. The door held firm and she let go in a kind of shock.

There weren’t any lights on inside, no waitresses and no other patrons. The Talon was empty and closed despite the hours posted that clearly espoused Sunday afternoon to be during business hours.

Huh . . .

She walked back to her car and leaned on the hood. This had never happened before. The Talon was her place for coffee. She came here and there was a warm cup in her hand a few minutes later, sometimes instantaneously. It hadn’t always been that way, but it had never let her down before.

The startling development only threw her for a moment, and then Chloe was hopping back into the driver’s seat. Before The Talon was her haven, she had haunted The Beanery during her off hours. There was no way The Beanery was closed as well. They were probably cleaning up as the only other coffee shop in town. She parked and looked at the closed doors with dread. There were no lights and no other cars. The Beanery was closed.

The hours posted said the shop didn’t open on Sundays anymore, and she read it from the car, slumping into her seat. No cappuccino with flavour shots. No love for Chloe.

She fought a whimper and pushed it back by reminding herself that she would be okay. Specialty coffee wasn’t going to happen, but she could just go home and start the coffee maker. Twenty minutes or less and she would be communing with her beverage of affinity.

Chloe drove a bit faster than the legally posted limits, but she felt she had every right to do so. It was a kind of emergency. Her reserves of energy were getting lower by the moment.

She parked crooked in the driveway but didn’t bother to correct it, knowing that she would be the only person who needed it for the moment. She trotted toward the house and pulled her keys out, unlocking the door as quickly as she could. Her coat was still hitting the floor when she reached the kitchen and opened the cupboard where the coffee was stored.

Where is it? I know it was here. Next cupboard, no. Okay, next one? No. The counter? No . . .

She checked every cupboard twice and looked around every part of the counter. The coffee can was big and red. There wasn’t any way to miss it if it was there. She looked to the coffee maker, hoping her father had loaded it without turning it on. Except the coffee maker wasn’t there. The plug in was empty and the cleaner rectangle of the counter showed its absence.

There wasn’t any coffee. It didn’t make sense. Her father wouldn’t take the coffee with him, and no one else had been in the house for months. They hadn’t really connected with people since their return from the dead.

Chloe wrinkled her nose and brushed her hair back from her face. There was no coffee here, and there wasn’t anywhere to buy it. It was undoubtedly some kind of vicious revenge directed at her, but the immediate concern was still coffee. There was a headache approaching, tightening her sinuses and making her irritable.

Coffee. It was the one thing she didn’t have and the one thing she wanted very badly.

I could visit someone. When you visit someone they usually offer you coffee. Who can I visit?

The Kents weren’t a good idea because she and Clark weren’t really getting along. Lana lived above a coffee shop so she didn’t stock coffee and if she did Chloe was afraid it might be some brightly coloured slop or accompanied by a pretentious story about Paris. She’d lost touch with most people and who knows how many doors she would have to knock on before she could borrow some real coffee. So many people only bought decaf.

Then it occurred to her. There was one place where there was absolutely coffee because there was a staff of dozens to make sure their boss had everything he wanted. She was going to visit the castle.

Her arrival went mostly unremarked, but Enrique did give her a significant look that she couldn’t interpret. Chloe brushed it off as some kind of warning that Lex was in a mood, but she didn’t really care about his manners. As long as he said the magic words he was her man of the hour.

Lex stood as Chloe rushed into his office, looking rather unkempt. Her face was strained into a kind of pleasant grimace and her hands were unsteady as they gripped her purse. Her jeans were nice and tight, but the boots she was wearing clashed with her fawn-brown shirt. Her coat was dropped limply over his sofa and she slumped down beside it without asking.

In other words, the lack of coffee was apparent. He allowed himself a short victory, but nodded politely and smiled.

“Hello Chloe. Lucas isn’t here today. I had assumed you would have known that,” he said.

Her eyes narrowed, but he didn’t think it was a matter of suspicion. Her normally smiling lips were nearly white as the teeth she showed in a greeting.

“Hi, Lex. Yeah, I knew. He’s in Metropolis.”

Her eyebrow rose in a prompt and he noted the way she was fidgeting.

“Then can I assume you’re here to see me in his stead?”

In his stead? Who else but Lex would say something like that? Dweeb. Give me coffee.

“Just stopping by to say hello,” she said. “Been a while, you know.”

Lex nodded and she could tell he wasn’t fooled by her casual act.

“Since yesterday.”

Damn you, offer me coffee!

“Yes, at The Talon.” Where the coffee lives.

“We should probably talk about that,” Lex said, sitting down next to her.

Her brow furrowed.

“Talk about The Talon?”

His expression dropped into a sincere, serious expression. “You kissed me yesterday before our little scene. I’m worried you’re going to hurt Lucas with your behaviour.”

She had forgotten about that part of yesterday. Chloe decided yesterday had been a very stupid day and there was little hope today would be better.

“I didn’t mean to kiss you,” she said, shrill and choppy. “It was an accident.”

His face hardened into a disapproving look then smoothed back into sincere concern.

“I only have one sibling, Chloe, and I have to protect that relationship. It’s my responsibility to tell him if you’re not being faithful.”

Lex watched her face contort as she tried to work through the the chastisement. It was the first time he’d been on this side of a lecture on virtue, and he was enjoying it as much as her dulled wits. Clearly it was the coffee that fueled the snark.

“I’m not . . . “

This was turning into quite an ordeal, even for her beloved drink. Lex was giving her all sorts of heavy looks and leaning in confidentially like he was a nice guy. He was a body language liar, and he wasn’t making his expected offer of coffee. It was perhaps best if she could just get out and drive to Grandville. It was only 45 minutes away.

“I understand that you’re young, but your actions have consequences. Lucas might seem untouchable but he would still be hurt to know about us.”

Presumptuous. Condescending. Ignoramus.

“There is no us, Lex,” Chloe said, congratulating herself on her even tone.

She stood up and hauled her coat back on, determined not to waste her day with his stupid head games. Whatever his plan was she wasn’t playing. His hand grasped hers and she refused to give him the satisfaction of trying to pull away.

“I’m glad you see that,” he said. “Sometimes women lose sight of that around me.”

It hurt a little to hear, but Chloe was used to this sort talk from Clark, so she pushed back the sting.

“Yeah, you’re irresistible but I’ll try to keep myself under control. So, I’ll just be going now.”

Without coffee and with a new sense of distaste for Lex and his bizarre behaviour. So much for a day off. No doubt she would spend the day introspective about her lack of luck in love.

“I think that would be best,” Lex said, fighting back a chuckle as he patted her hand in a brotherly way. “Perhaps I’ll see you at The Talon tomorrow.”

The way he said it didn’t register as she grabbed her purse, but Chloe caught it as she turned to leave. There was a satisfied chuckle bubbling as he said the name of his coffee shop. The coffee shop he could order closed on short or no notice during what would normally be a business day.

Lex had cut off her external coffee supply and made sure her home was equally devoid of her favourite drink. He had broken in and taken the coffee maker just as it was perfectly broken in. That machine took exactly 11 minutes to fill the pot, which was just a few minutes shorter than the time it took for her to shower in the morning. They had a rhythm together and Lex had taken that away from her.

It was low, lower than low. It was mean in a way she hadn’t given him credit for being. The meanest thing that had happened to her since Lois had talked her into going on a blind date. Now that was a punishing experience.

Chloe had turned back to look at him in a measuring gaze, and Lex wondered what she was thinking. It was entirely possible she had figured out what he had done and was trying to restrain herself from killing him. He had known he was crossing a line with her coffee addiction but there was some apprehension as to how she would react. He had a healthy appreciation for his testicles and he wanted to keep them in working order.

“I was just wondering if you could tell me why The Talon was closed today,” she said, and he knew she knew.

Lex resisted the urge to cover his groin.

“Martha said they were having some issues with the ovens,” he answered. “It should be fixed by tomorrow or Tuesday.”

She nodded and walked out with a purposeful gait, and he shook his head slightly. The next time he saw Chloe she was going to return fire. Maybe there was a business trip he could be on for the next few weeks.

chril1
4th April 2005, 10:13
rocks

love lea
xxx

meg20
4th April 2005, 10:20
So funny and good. Great chapter, thanks for the update.

Kit Merlot
4th April 2005, 14:09
Woo Hoo, a kickass update!

Lex messing with Chloe and coffee--bad move my friend :D

lexchloe
4th April 2005, 15:37
LMAO. that was a hilarious update.



His shoes hit the floorboards a bit too crisply for his purposes, but he refused to cower and sneak. He was Lex Luthor, he was breaking and entering, and he was going to do it with good posture. Anything less would ruin the lines of his clothing.



Lex was never smarmy, and he rarely indulged in being conniving either. Should he connive he did it with class and dignity. Except for today’s conniving, which might soon qualify for a spot on a television special of dumbest criminals.

Somehow this was Chloe’s fault, too.



Lex is hilarious in this, love how unhinged he's becoming.


“Then can I assume you’re here to see me in his stead?”

In his stead? Who else but Lex would say something like that? Dweeb. Give me coffee

hee hee love coffee deprived Chloe. Can't wait for her revenge.

Béatrice
4th April 2005, 16:38
Awww that was so funny. I'd be careful if I were Lex.

asharnanae
4th April 2005, 19:00
Lex's whole demiour to breaking into his house was fantastic! and I love how is butler just replaces the doors without batting an eye! And Lex's thoguht on her elationship with lucas are so funny! This is just such a great story, which hits the character so well. I just cant wait till chloe gets her revenge!!

Fantastic Update!

Krysia
4th April 2005, 21:14
Poor Chloe I felt ad for her. I know how hard mornings can be and here Lex goes and just destroys her whole rutine, and sometimes you need years to come up with a perfect morning rutine. YEARS! I hope she will get him back, and get him back good. I'm proud of her that she didn't start crying right than and there, that's probably what I would end up doing. As always GREAT chapter! PLease don't let us wait so long for the next one.

June
4th April 2005, 22:05
Oh, how I've been waiting for this.


He dialed a number usually reserved for much bigger problems, hoping Gabe would be out for a while. No doubt Chloe would be busy for a few hours, he sneered to himself. Hopefully Lucas wasn’t too quick on the draw and treated her to some foreplay.

Ooooh, He's jealous and I love it. Jealous + Lex= scrumptious combination.


She nodded and walked out with a purposeful gait, and he shook his head slightly. The next time he saw Chloe she was going to return fire. Maybe there was a business trip he could be on for the next few weeks.

The promise of things to come, I can't wait. And hopefully you'll be back soon with more Chlex and Lucas. Hilarious chapter and I think I'm just going to sit here with my lovely cup of coffee an wait for another update.

Zannie
4th April 2005, 22:36
Hooray! I'm filled with glee over the hilarious update. I adore your Chloe and Lex in this story. You manage to keep them in character despite the somewhat unlikely, comic goings-on.

Here are some of the lines that made me laugh loudly enough to scare my dog.


He was Lex Luthor, he was breaking and entering, and he was going to do it with good posture. Anything less would ruin the lines of his clothing.
That's right, Lex, maintain your standards no matter what obstacles you face. The lines of your clothing must be preserved at all cost.


“The other door needs replacing as well.”
I can just hear Lex saying this all calm and innocent--pretending he never had his little tantrum.


“Lex bare-ass naked and making me coffee, these are a few of my favourite things,”
Mine too.


“Yes, at The Talon.” Where the coffee lives.
I love how you contrast what Chloe says and what she's thinking throughout that whole scene. And it seems entirely plausible that she would have thought the word coffee 33 times. When no coffee is to be had, the entire world becomes coffee-ized.


“I didn’t mean to kiss you,” she said, shrill and choppy. “It was an accident.”
If only I could be so accident prone.


“I’m glad you see that,” he said. “Sometimes women lose sight of that around me.”
Brilliant, infuriating, condescending line on Lex's part. I wanted to smack him for Chloe when he said this.

Can't wait to see Chloe's revenge. Although my poor dog is starting to resent you--she's a delicate creature and scares easily . . . poor thing.

Shanna
4th April 2005, 22:58
In his stead? Who else but Lex would say something like that? Dweeb. Give me coffee.


I literally laughed out loud when I read this line. The dog even looked at me funny.

You had me rolling when Lex refused to skulk because it would ruin the lines of his clothes. Oh, and I adored the whole situation with the french doors...especially how he called his butler back after slamming the other one until it broke. He! He! He! Temper, temper, Lex.

This whole chapter was hysterical. Excellent work, and I eagerly sit here, rubbing my hands together, waiting for more. ...Umm, still waiting!

star del mar
5th April 2005, 03:30
LOL, so glad you updated, that was great. Lex better watch his back because I'm thinking that Chloe is going to go after him with a vengeance :)

Steph*

autumngold
5th April 2005, 06:09
I can't wait for Chloe to get even!! Thank goodness she caught on to what was going on, even though she is caffeine deprived!! I almost wish she had messed with his "family jewels"!! That would have taught him to never mess with a girl's addictions!! Thank you so much for the wonderful update!! You are wonderful!! Can't wait for more!!

LarkLuthor
5th April 2005, 17:39
Thank you for updating, That was a wonderful chapter!

It's kind of sad, I think for once Chloe's out of her depth...I can see Lex getting more and more intense. A woman scorned, they say...but I think Lex is even more volutial...

Lark

hfce
6th April 2005, 01:59
LOL! Those two drive me crazy. Lex is so going to die. I almost feel sorry for him. Almost. :D


Hope :)

randa
6th April 2005, 03:04
i love revenge!
wonderful, i laughed out loud several times, im almost embarresed.
more soon


randa

tiger04
6th April 2005, 05:07
Thank you thank you thank you. I was so happy to see an update for this wonderful fic. I loved all of the reations, chloe with no coffee.

Hope that you will post more soon; dying to know what chloe is going to do next

AT

crankychick
6th April 2005, 20:06
He was Lex Luthor, he was breaking and entering, and he was going to do it with good posture. Lex even burglarizes with panache.


“Lex bare-ass naked and making me coffee, these are a few of my favourite things,” Soon to be marketed and sold on "Chlexer Christmas Ditties"


Presumptuous. Condescending. Ignoramus.....but endlessly entertaining


Lex resisted the urge to cover his groin. First you make her grumpy and now you consider taking away her view? Lex, amigo, don't put out fire with petrol.

buffiy18
7th April 2005, 06:22
Thank you for updating! I loved Chloe's internal dialoge about her precious coffee. It has me laughing. I hope you update again... SOON. This is a great story.

tigroon
7th April 2005, 21:46
Nonky please update soon. Please please please.

Please.

mimi71884
9th April 2005, 18:45
AHA! The fic has been resurrected!

HOORAY!

That means updating will be more frequent? ;) *hint hint*

This is a hilarious fic. sexy, and funny... I love how they play each other... manipulate and twist and play mean games, and I adore how Lucas is involved, and Pete too... I think Martha should get into it also... I'm loving this. super glad Lana isn't involved... and blergh, who needs Clark, really?!?
Is Gabe gonna be making an entrance soon? Anyway, please update again as soon as possible, i'm so glad you finally got back on track with this one!! Another fantastic fic to add to your ongoing collection!!

update again soon??!

hateSmallvilleLoveChlex2
16th April 2005, 04:47
Sick and Wrong!!!!!! How dare he take her coffee! That is beyond cruel. I wouldn't wish that on anyone I had kissed.

And yet entertaining at the same time...I am a sick individual.

ColumbiaBlue
16th April 2005, 11:21
Oh God Nonky, you crack me to pieces. Seriously. It's 4:19 in the morning, I'm wired and laughing like a hyhena and trying not to wake my roommate up. GAH!


“Lex bare-ass naked and making me coffee, these are a few of my favourite things,” she sang off-key as she tore a paper towel off the roll.
I think I've given myself an aneurism from laughing so hard. Cripes.


“Yes, at The Talon.” Where the coffee lives.
This stuck me as particurlarly giggle-worthy. I dunno why, but I couldn't stop laughing.


Presumptuous. Condescending. Ignoramus.
HEE!!!!


In his stead? Who else but Lex would say something like that? Dweeb. Give me coffee.
HA! HA HA!!!

More soon. Like, now.

Me, Myself and I
17th April 2005, 03:50
Pete playing gay...That is just a scary thought. *Shudders* I wonder if he had a felt hat with feather?

LarkLuthor
17th April 2005, 04:14
Ok, Time to update my darling author....

Like in the next 24 hours or else!

Lark

kitten
17th April 2005, 04:43
A/N: I don’t own any real celebrities, and if I had my choice of owning one, the one I included in this update wouldn’t be it. I don’t know what she’d really be like, so this is strictly a parody. My thanks to Thessaly for the idea, though. Please enjoy, because I did actual research for this cameo, and my soul will be forever stained by it. The shame burns.

A chocolate covered Lex for Thessaly because this chapter couldn’t have happened without her wonderful idea for a celebrity cameo. Now she has something to keep her distracted from putting smudgy fingerprints in odd places on my other fics.


Chapter Fourteen


Lucas was cuddling up to a second beautiful young woman in a single day, though it was less enjoyable than his date to find an upset Chloe on the run from Lex’s prank.

“He’s a bad man,” she grumbled tearfully. “I was just minding my own business, trying to live my life and he got all vicious.”

She was cradling a large cup of coffee like she’d never let it go and was intent on using the same disposable foam container for the rest of her life. Lucas hoped she didn’t go that far, but the poor girl wasn’t in very good shape. Her brush with a caffiene-free day had shaken her. The seven cappucinos she’d ingested in some kind of bizarre overcompensation of gluttony hadn’t helped either. The waitress had looked very relieved when he waved off her offer of a refill.

“Vicious like a rabid dog,” Chloe muttered. “Could have turned on anyone.”

He squeezed her closer to his side and leaned them both back into the plush sofa of Grandville’s answer to The Talon. She’d called him during his date in Metropolis and he’d met her there, fearing her ability to drive was compromised. His fears had been well founded, and her eyes were doing all sorts of strange things. One would focus to the left while the other was looking up, and then they would both wobble dangerously. She had already handed her keys over. Hopefully she wouldn’t need kidney dialysis or rehab after her ill-advised cappachino binge.

“Should shrink him and squish him like a bug,” she suggested nonsensically.

The blond shifted and laid her legs over his lap, her bare feet crossed. Chloe quickly switched the cup to her other hand and wrapped her unoccupied fingers into his sweater in a rodeo grip. It had become apparent a while ago that she wasn’t really aware of being in public, but the twitching that had been assailing her was mostly gone.

Chloe was also doing a pretty decent impersonation of an amnesiac if she had no idea Lex might try something, but Lucas had to agree taking her coffee was very extreme.

“I’m sorry, Emerald Eyes,” he said. “Don’t let it ruin your whole day.”

He wondered what it would take to get Lex to realize what was so obvious to most other people who had witnessed him with Chloe. His big brother had found the woman to balance him out, injecting some much-needed humour into his staid existence. Hopefully he didn’t destroy her before he admitted it.

Unfortunately, Lucas thought it might be weeks before Chloe and Lex could be safely unsupervised, and he didn’t like the clinging version of his friend. Something would have to be done to distract his brother from her, not an enviable task and not one that he was willing to undertake.

Unless . . .

The young man pressed a brotherly kiss to Chloe’s forehead and nodded to himself. He knew someone who was perfect to keep Lex off their backs for a while.


+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


He opted to share the plan with Chloe the next day, after the alarming coffee high and precipitous slump that followed had passed. It had been a very difficult school day for her but he had shown up in the parking lot with a Talon coffee that brought a smile to her lips before he introduced the newest gambit. She was gaping at him, turned sideways in the seat of her beatle. Her eyes shone with hopeful disbelief.

“He’d never fall for it,” she burst out. “I don’t even remember what I said to him yesterday but I know it was a nasty conversation.”

“He would if you work your magic on him. He can barely think when you’re in the room. Just go in there friendly, offer to bury the hatchet,” Lucas grinned.

Green eyes squinted at him and he juggled her hands in his playfully. He crooked her finger up and drew a little face on it with a red pen from her dashboard, wiggling it around as he made it speak in an impression of her own voice.

“Lex, I think we should spend some time together. Get a little dinner, see a show. This silly feud isn’t getting us anywhere,” he squeaked. “We both want to keep Lucas in our lives because he’s the man of my dreams and your only shot at being cool.”

He let her finger go to draw a small frowny face on his own, putting it next to the tiny Chloe face and wagging it around.

“Well, that’s very true, Chloe. I guess I can’t really compete with Lucas so I’ll just have to take whatever crumbs you throw my way,” he intoned in a gruff, masculine tone. “Is it at least possible that you might get drunk and have your way with me?”

His Lex puppet leaned into the Chloe puppet beseechingly, and she giggled and did the voice.

“Maybe, but I’ll be thinking of your brother the entire time.”

Lucas reeled his finger back and made it nod in a way that was strangely well-acted. “I’ll never measure up to him,” he said regretfully in the fake-Lex tone. “Kiss me and ease my pain!”

He mashed their fingers together, the ink smearing around as they laughed.

“I will love you forever if this works,” Chloe said, tossing her head in excitement.

Her brunette friend tilted his chin down and looked at her with hooded eyes in a seductive pose.

“You know you’ll love me forever anyway.”

“Okay,” she agreed, looking at their improvised finger puppets still in a clinch. “Now stop humping my finger and help me rain misery down on your arrogant brother.”


++++++++++++++++++++++++

Enrique’s significant look was almost comical as he showed Chloe in to see Lex for the second time in as many days. She looked at the butler’s tightly wound facade and frowned at him.

“I’m not always here to cause trouble,” she insisted.

“Of course not,” he agreed. Enrique agreed with everything to her face, but his expression was still somewhat chiding. Chloe got the feeling he didn’t dislike her exactly, but he was a bit suspicious of her motives with his boss.

“We both know he has a gun in there if it ever came to that.”

The tall man’s right eyebrow climbed up his forehead but his facial expression didn’t move an iota. She gave up on him and walked into the library at a casual pace.

“Hi,” she greeted Lex, letting a bit of girlish bashfulness hunch her shoulders a bit. Looking little and nonthreatening was essential.

“Hello,” Lex replied.

He had felt sorry after her last visit. She was so excessively miserable over something so small and it hadn’t been as entertaining as he had hoped. Her forehead had been pinched in what he suspected was a headache and the stress on her small frame had been palpable. His intention had been to cause her inconvenience and a bit of satisfaction for himself, not to inflict real pain.

She was Lucas’ girlfriend, after all, and faced challenge enough from that. It made Lex feel bad for causing her additional trouble. He knew from personal experience his half-brother generated enough simply by showing up.

He’d gotten over that guilt and anxiety over whatever reprisals she might have for him. There was nothing to worry about. He could handle anything Chloe could throw at him and presumably she was old enough to handle what he did to her. It was even a little entertaining.

Any amusement had fled after his brother returned to the castle.

Talking to the limo driver who had driven Lucas to Metropolis had made him feel foolish and resentful about the half-serious conversation he had pushed on Chloe over a meaningless kiss. Very soon Lex was sure she would be swearing off any contact with a Luthor. Lucas must realize she would find out about his infidelity, she was too clever not to. He cursed the younger man’s disregard for her feelings.

Looking into the mananimous green eyes, Lex knew it wasn’t a mistake he would make.

“I’ve come to make peace, though I’ve forgotten my white flag,” she said, standing with her hands on her hips in front of his desk. Blond locks of hair bounced cheerfully as she ducked her head under his intense gaze.

He could kill Lucas.

“I feel as if I should have worn something more formal for this momentous occasion.”

Chloe looked him over and couldn’t complain. He was dressed in his usual black slacks and button-down shirt, but they looked very good. He was giving her a significant look, too, but it wasn’t the same as Enrique’s.

“It’s ridiculous. We’re friends of a sort. I propose a truce, a real one this time. No more sneaking around, no more pranking.”

She kept her eyes wide and honest and he wanted to tell her to dump Lucas. She deserved better and he had known it from the beginning of her relationship with his half-sibling.

Chloe knew when she had him because his mouth slackened for a moment and then turned into a smile that indicated his decision was made.

“I agree,” he said, standing to extend his hand. “No more pranking.”

Her hand fit easily into his own and they shook on it for longer than was necessary. It was nice to have him smiling down at her, his comfortable grasp gentle on her fingers. Lex really wasn’t very much bite for all his barking. It almost made her sorry for what she was about to do.

“We should celebrate,” Chloe said, her tone bubbling in a way that managed to be alluring without any irritating perkiness. “Come to The Pizzeria tonight.”

He wasn’t in the mood to socialize, least of all with his stupid cheating brother and Chloe. It would be too much like sitting by the tracks waiting for the train to derail.

“I’m expected at a few events in Metropolis,” he said lamely. “Have fun with Lucas.”

It was true he was invited to events every evening, but the latest ones were nothing special. He would rather spend the time keeping his business running and avoiding horribly strange social engagements. It would be simple enough to disappear into his private rooms.

“Oh,” she said, and that disappointed note was more of a push than one of her famous tirades. Lex fought a twinge of soft sentiment, checked his backbone and recovered.

Until she continued speaking at least.

“Well, Lucas won’t be there, but I guess I’ll just hang out at home. I’m glad we have a truce, though. Let me know if you change your mind about the pizza.”

Well that’s a peculiar look, she thought. He looks like he has indigestion.

Chloe was killing him, guilt yanking his still-beating heart out and tossing it on the floor. Lex resisted the urge to look down to make sure it hadn’t actually happened. Her face was sweet and open, trustingly looking into his own.

There were a dwindling few people who looked in his eyes without fear.

She was so guileless and lovely, but everyone seemed to treat her so badly. Even Lucas had stopped doting on her as he had a few months earlier. It was some kind of crime that everyone took her for granted so much. There was a confusing tragedy that she would be sitting at home while his half-brother was probably off seducing some floozy.

“Hold on a minute,” he said, flipping through his calendar and feigning confusion. “Is today Tuesday?”

She grinned. “It’s Monday.”

Sucker, sucker, sucker, suckah! He was falling for it. She wondered what had pushed her act over.

“I’m free tonight, if you’d still like company,” Lex said, his eyes meeting hers with warmth.

Chloe tilted her chin down and nodded enthsiastically.

“Great, I’ll see you at seven,” he said, with finality. He needed her to stop looking at him so happily. It was making him feel too wanted and accepted at the same time it was making him feel like an ass for not telling her about Lucas.

“I’ll meet you there. Bring your appetite.”

He walked her to the door, sparing her another odd encounter with his butler and keeping his hand on the small of her back. He held her coat and tucked it tightly around her bare neck before she stepped out into the wind.

Chloe flashed him one last smile before she left, frowning. She really liked him most of the time, and the attraction that she had unwittingly discovered was still there. She shook off her second thoughts and reminded herself that he was big, bad, diabolical Lex Luthor and he could hold his own against anything she could throw at him.

If she could just break him of his mean streak he would be a very good companion.


++++++++++++++++++++++++++

He wasn’t anywhere near the snob everyone perceived him to be, and Lex actually like the atmosphere of The Pizzeria. It was simple, traditional pizza parlour decor and inexpensive furniture to suit the teenage clientele. Lush aromas of cooking dough and toppings made his mouth water.

He looked around the tables for Chloe, ignoring the glares that were being thrown his way. The locals didn’t like him much, mostly because their memories were stuck on his father’s 1989 buyout of so many farm properties without taking into account the economic stability Smallville had enjoyed as a result.

There were two blond heads in a back corner booth, so Lex headed in that direction. Perhaps there was someone sitting with Chloe to keep her company before he arrived.

“Hey Lex,” she said, looking up cheerfully and gesturing across the table at an older blond woman. “I’m not alone after all. We saved you a seat though.”

‘We’ included Lucas, who was draped disgusting over her shoulders and holding her hand in her lap. Chloe’s finger pointed to the opposite seat, and he met the eyes of a woman who was clearly in her thirties but dressed in her teens. He was disgusted again when the woman giggled, jittering around in her seat to draw attention to her massive breasts.

“Hello,” Lex said, intent on making a quick escape. He had no interest in trying to act friendly to Lucas and an unknown woman whose most notable asset seemed to be her chest. “I’m Lex Luthor.”

“Ahm Anna-Nicole,” she said, managing to slur, twang and mumble at the same time as she gripped his arm like a vice that an outside eye might see as a handshake.

“It’s nice to meet you,” Lex choked out, struggling to get free without being too rude. “Unfortunately I can’t stay. Sorry Chloe, Lucas, Anna-Nicole. Perhaps another time.”

Chloe pressed herself into Lucas and hid her face in his arm, hugging him tightly to disguise the deep laughter that was threatening to erupt from her mouth. He wrapped both arms around her and put a hand over her convulsing face muscles, kissing her hair to cover the movement.

She’ll never make a grifter, he thought, peeking at his brother’s displeased expression.

Lex was barely restraining a look of such distaste that even Anna-Nicole would be able to figure it out when Chloe composed herself and spoke again.

“That’s too bad, Lex. I didn’t think Lucas would be here either, but I ran into him here with Anna-Nicole,” she said.

Lucas watched his brother get visibly astonished as he looked at Chloe, then angry as he looked at the woman clinging to his forearm.

He brought a date to Smallville and now he’s trying to pass it off as an innocent thing to her. What an ass.

Lex was furious. Lucas’ actions were horrible but this was ridiculous. He had brought a date to a date. Universally stupid and absolutely unforgivable. She would be so hurt by it, and only he could prevent it.

So he did what he’d never expected to do - sat down next to an effusive woman who even spoke like a train wreck, smiled at Chloe Sullivan and glared at Lucas.

mimi71884
17th April 2005, 04:53
Spot!

HAHAHA! I'm first!! hoooray!

I came back from the library at 11 PM only to find a wonderful wonderful update! you made my day! thanks a bunch!!

I can't help but feel bad for the two of them... they think they're being funny, but they really just end up hurting each other (well, in fact they're hurting me more than anyone ;))

I loved it loved it loved, i'm so glad you decided to update.

And I also can't wait to see what happens on the date... hopefully Chloe will realize that Lex *truly* wanted to spend time with her, and that he is pissed off as hell after Lucas cause of what he thinks is going on... like Lucas said, they really need to get a clue.



more soon, I hope?!

buffiy18
17th April 2005, 05:08
Interesting choice for a cameo. I had no idea who you were talking about in the begining. I can't wait to see what happends next on this weird double date like thing.

tiger04
17th April 2005, 05:29
oh my,that had me :rofl: Anna-Nicole :rofl: . I can't wait to see how the rest of the evening goes. Lex reaction to Lucas was great. Please come back and update again soon.

LarkLuthor
17th April 2005, 08:06
Wonderful! Wonderful! :D :D I'm not sure what the plan is exactly now...but then neither does Lex and that's the main thing. This is one of the few fics where Lex is completely out manipulated. Go write more soon...

Lark

squash
17th April 2005, 08:26
OMG BRILLIANT....NOTHING SHORT OF BRILLIANT...i was rolling on the floor laughing, damn Lex is so easy to fool and ANNA-NICOLE! I nearly died when i read that. hahahaha
you never cease to amaze me with the humor. that was beyond amazing, probably one of my favorite chapters so far
ahhhhhhhh i can't wait for more
eeeeeeeee (pure joy:))

lexchloe
17th April 2005, 16:11
He squeezed her closer to his side and leaned them both back into the plush sofa of Grandville’s answer to The Talon. She’d called him during his date in Metropolis and he’d met her there, fearing her ability to drive was compromised. His fears had been well founded, and her eyes were doing all sorts of strange things. One would focus to the left while the other was looking up, and then they would both wobble dangerously. She had already handed her keys over. Hopefully she wouldn’t need kidney dialysis or rehab after her ill-advised cappachino binge.


:rofl: :rofl: This was hilarious and Lucas' finger puppets acting out the scene. LMAO. Aww Chloe how can you not see that Lex is totally into you???? Lucas should just tell them both what's what and end the games between them. Can't wait for more.

Kit Merlot
17th April 2005, 19:00
Okay, AWESOME UPDATE!!

The plan is for Lex to think Lucas is cheating on Chloe with this Anna-Nicole chick, so that Lex will want to protect Chloe from being hurt. Is that right?

Either way, I can't wait for more--GREAT JOB :D

hfce
17th April 2005, 21:36
Wow Chloe is very mean and I feel bad for Lex. :D

Shanna
18th April 2005, 01:33
“He’s a bad man,” she grumbled tearfully. “I was just minding my own business, trying to live my life and he got all vicious.”


Oh, poor Chloe, still going through serious caffeine withdrawl.

And Anna Nicole? How do you even write for her? You can never understand a word she slurs to begin with! Lex. In a booth with Anna Nicole? Oh, wait until the press gets a load of this!

Thessaly
18th April 2005, 01:36
Hah! Ahahahahahaha!

Oh nonky, I love you! I'm building a tiny altar at home for the worship of you and your fics. My mother's a little worried about the fire risk posed by the hard copy and the votive candles but what does she know? NOTHING! HAH!

Finally, the advent of Anna Nicole. She's not going to be subtle about fancying the arse off of Lex, is she? And who can blame her? Lex is hotter than the fires of Hades. Also I can't help but feel that this is going to backfire on Chloe if Anna Nicole comes onto Lex. Mind you, it'll be good for her to be the jealous one for a change.

In conclusion, the finger puppets, devious Lucas, guilty Lex, disapproving Enrique, Chloe and her utter blindness to the fact that she wants Lex baaaaad? All fantastic.

Please update soon.

Thessaly *off to sacrifice something on the nonky fic-altar and hope that house insurance covers the bloodstains on the carpet*

LarkLuthor
18th April 2005, 01:40
Oh, poor Chloe, still going through serious caffeine withdrawl.

And Anna Nicole? How do you even write for her? You can never understand a word she slurs to begin with! Lex. In a booth with Anna Nicole? Oh, wait until the press gets a load of this!I'm sure Chloe called them...

Lark

autumngold
18th April 2005, 07:11
Isn't Lex so sweet!! :) He's putting up with Anna Nicole just for Chloe!! That just proves how much he loves her!! Thank you so much for the excellent update!! This story is so much fun!!

mik
18th April 2005, 23:00
snorting with laughter. Anna Nicole! AHAHA!

randa
19th April 2005, 05:41
i cant believe that you brought Anna-Nichole into this. it made me laugh.
and i really cant wait for the time when they might actually get together. but i love all of the pranks!


bring on lex's retribution!!


randa

meg20
19th April 2005, 12:51
Can't wait to see how this evening ends!

squash
22nd April 2005, 06:25
Can't wait to see how this evening ends!


Me neither, which is exactly why you should come back here and update this fic:)

mik
24th April 2005, 06:18
pllleaaase more! I love this fic! It's halarious.

kitten
28th April 2005, 21:59
Unfortunate announcement time, everybody. My laptop is toasted and will no longer allow me to go online. Additionally, because I decided I was going to be forward thinking, it doesn’t have a 3 ½ inch floppy drive, which is the only way I could transport my files to the school computer lab. If I were a woman of vast wealth all this could be remedied in short order, but I’m not so it won’t.

Soooo, updates are iffy right now. It looks like I’ll be typing them up at home, writing them in shorthand on paper and then typing them again to post. Needless to say, that’s going to be a hassle I won’t typically have time to undergo. I’m going to make an attempt at it soon. Wish me luck.

buffiy18
29th April 2005, 06:17
I'm sorry to hear about you laptop. Best of luck with that. I will patiently await updates as you have time and energy to type them.

vardaquareien
29th April 2005, 18:16
Best of luck Nonky!

btw have you considered using a USB memory stick? They're generally cheap & it would sure save you alot of hassel!

Madison_Writer
8th May 2005, 15:50
Wow, that's just what I can say. What do you get when you mix the incredible chemistry that is between Lex and Chloe, add a mischevious Lucas, and a gay Pete. You get an amazing fic. Ride on.

LarkLuthor
13th May 2005, 16:18
Gah! I didn't even see your note before. You poor darling! What kind of lab do you have that they don't let you transfer files by CD? *Lark is unable to find a smiley adequtely horrorified for this occassion* I hope you get a better situation soon!

Lark

P.S. I've been thinking about geting one recently Renee, how cheap are they exactly?

vardaquareien
14th May 2005, 09:59
P.S. I've been thinking about geting one recently Renee, how cheap are they exactly?
ummm I think you can get a 128MB one for about $35? Don't quote me on that though!

LarkLuthor
14th May 2005, 14:29
Not bad! We'll have to look them up when we get back to the US...electronics and such are really expensive here...(hmm...apparently my personality has split today...yes we think it has...)

Lark