Breathe (R)

[tiff]

Title: Breathing
Rating: R for language
Disclaimer: I own nothing. I am possession-free.
AN: I'm not a doctor and I'm not in med-school or anything so yeah, if there's anything wrong with what I used and you care, you have my most sincere apologies for having offended you.


--------------------------------

Home is a feeling
I’ve buried in you
I’m all right
I’m all right
It only hurts when I breathe

- “Breathe” by Greenwheel
--------------------------------

I can’t breathe

The doctors say I have cancer. A brain tumor. A high-grade astrocytoma. Inoperable. I’m dying. Something so simple. Something so simple is killing me. No meteor freak, no surprise shoot-out. I’m not dying investigating a story…

No, I’m fading away. I’ll have no glorious death. No excitement. No adventure. I can’t fight this. I’m defenseless. All of the doctors and specialists Lex hires, has hired, will hire, they can’t help me.

Oh God. I’m dying.

--------------------------------

I can’t breathe.

Chloe won’t. Why should I? Why should I continue to exist in this…this hell. This fucking human wasteland. Nothing matters. Not without her. My money, my power, nothing can save her. What use are they? What fucking use? They can’t even save her. Without her, my life means nothing.

Oh God. What do I do? What do I do? I can’t imagine my life, the world, existing, without her. My intrepid reporter. My reason to breathe. My raison d’etre.

There has to be some way…some way to save her.

Oh God. I want to die.

--------------------------------

Chloe Sullivan.

The name, the woman, inspires in me several different emotions. Regret, defeat, betrayal, rejection. Love, acceptance, respect, loyalty. She is beautiful and intelligent and ambitious and alive. I never considered her life ending. Never.

Death is a constant in this world, but for some reason I never equated… I can’t associate them. Chloe. Dead. The words sound, feel, so wrong. So impossible to be paired.

She is the love of my son’s life. And without her, I fear for the world. The world that brought them together and ultimately tore them apart. The world that stole Chloe from him. From all of us.

He is angry and suffering. And he will make the world suffer with him.

I fear for the world.

--------------------------------

Chloe Sullivan.

My best friend, my ex-crush, my inspiration to question everything. She was full of fire. She was fearless. She was. She no longer is? No…she was. God. She’s gone.

You’re gone Chlo’. You’re gone, and you took Lex with you. You’ve only been gonedeadlost for 5 days and he’s already another person. No, he’s not even a person anymore.

Lex isn’t here. At your funeral. With us. Even Lionel’s here. But he’s not. I don’t think he can handle this. This body that’s not you locked in this beautiful box they call a casket.

He’s so angry. So alone. He won’t talk to any of us. He won’t answer our calls, he won’t look back or react when we say his name. He won’t speak except to order his staff around. I don’t know what to do.

I’m not you. And no one will ever be you. And I don’t know if he’ll ever be okay again. I don’t think he can find his way back without you.

Chloe… Can’t you just, I don’t know, send me some clichéd sign or something? Tell me how to help him. I don’t know what he’s going to do now, but I don’t think…it won’t be good. He’s lost without you Chlo’. And he’s cold and angry. I don’t know what to do.

He's angry and he's suffering, and I don’t know what he’s going to do. And I don’t want to have to stop him. But I will, if I have to.

Chloe, I couldn’t save you. And I don’t think I can save him.

But I’ll try…

--------------------------------

*beep*

Lex

*beep*

I’m sorry...

*beep*

I’m not strong enough.

*beep*

I love you Lex.

*beep*

I love you

*beep*

and I don’t want to

*beep*

leave you.

*beep*

I don’t want to leave you.

*beep*

Oh God I can’t breathe.

*beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep*



The end.

[autumngold]

:crygreen: :crygreen: This story is so beyond sad!! I can totally understand how Lex is feeling!! I love how Chloe didn't want to leave him!! :crygreen: :crygreen:

[Jen1388]

:crygreen: :crygreen: :crygreen: :crygreen: :crygreen: :crygreen:

OMG I had tears in my eyes (I'm a wuss!) but that was sooooooooo sad.

How it was coming from everybody's perspective was brilliant though, I thought Lionel's was lovely, and it pulled the old heartstrings a bit:p

Good job;)

[Maha]

Oh god!!!!!!!

First thing in the morning I read this and now I'm crying like a baby.
What have u done to me???
:crygreen: :crygreen: :crygreen: :crygreen: :crygreen: :crygreen:

But nonetheless a wonderful story. All the different perspectives and feelings - wonderfull job u did here.

Hugs

[Lel]

I love how you have written this. So sad and the fact it is not in chronologial order just adds to the whole effect.

Brilliant.

Love Lel x

[hfce]

:crygreen: :crygreen:

[Clannadlvr]

I really liked your use of shifting perspectives, and the tone of voice that you changed from person to person really felt in character.

Also, I love that the recognition of what Chloe's death could do to Chloe comes from Lionel, the MB.


He is angry and suffering. And he will make the world suffer with him.

well done!

[becky]

OMG!!

That was so beautiful... utterly riveting... I read this while eating my tea, and after the first few words, my fork halted halfway to my mouth, my eyes glued to the screen hardly blinking...

the way you wrote this was so original, and was an absolute effortless joy to read.

OK, better get back to my food...

~Becky~

:chlexsign3:

[Jen1388]

I saw someone posted above, and I just had to share, that this...


He is angry and suffering. And he will make the world suffer with him.

I fear for the world.

was my fave line, I thought it was really touching.

[katspell]

I thought I had read this and then I got in here and discovered I hadn't. It was great, so painful. :crygreen: Poor poor Lex.

[tiff]

thanks for the great reviews! i was kinda iffy about posting this one because it seemed kinda scattered. but yeah, so thanks. i really appreciate the support.

[jesusfreak41]

that was so amazing...well done!

[starmoon]

so sad i felt like crying. i wish chloe would have lived and lex and her could have been happy together.

[spaceboi's pixie]

beautiful fic but very sad

[jagged]

that was so sad. great story.

[persephone47]

Such a sad story, but very good at the same time. The Illyria quote in your signature is so fitting, that was a sad episode also.

[Skye]

Oh, man. This is tragic.. beautifully written but at the same time its soo sad.