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View Full Version : Love She Can't Live Without (PG-13)



sydsvaughn
11th March 2004, 09:58
Title: Love She Can't Live Without
Author: SaraC
Rating: PG-13
Setting: Future Fic
Summary: Title pretty much says it all

Disclaimer: Not mine. Never will be. I own nothing

Notes: This came to me while I was searching for this song online for my sister. I had never heard it, but finding the lyrics, well, they hit me that I had to write this. Warning here and now... it's angsty and sad and definintely not with the happy ending, but well, perhaps you'll find something to like about it! Either way, I hope you enjoy it!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


He gives her attention, he's constantly, carefully planting the seeds
The only thing missing, is really the only thing she needs
And he can't give that to her and she can't find it with him
So she'll have to find her way out of love she's not really in

-"Love She Can't Live Without" (by Clint Black)

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


She stared into the mirror, face drawn and pale, hair lying limply against her head. A headache pounded behind her temples, the pain almost a welcome relief after the emptiness of the past few weeks. She knew there was plenty of blame to go around, she shouldered more than enough of it herself. He'd known her heart had been on the mend when they'd met, had allowed her to talk through the pain of betrayal that had colored her world for months. He'd been there for her, his silence a balm to her troubled soul. He hadn't questioned, hadn't demanded, he'd just been. And in her life, she'd had far too few people that could do that with her.

Several months into their relationship, she'd found herself agreeing to his dinner propositions, not surprised to find they had more in common than one might think. Keeping secrets was always a factor in their relationship, but again, the comfort came from knowing that they respected each other enough not to pry, despite the curiosity that was overwhelming at times.

She supposed she'd fallen a bit in love with him, surprised to find herself responding when he'd first kissed her, the soft touch of his lips so strange and different from the lips that she'd kissed in the past three years. It had been comforting in a way, to know she could feel, something, anything again. Thankfully, he'd helped her through the rough spots and she'd always be grateful to him for that. In her own time, she'd fallen in love with him, had told him so just the other night. Knew he felt the same as he'd repeated her declaration and pulled her into a passionate kiss.

She had everything a woman could want at the moment. A handsome, charming, talented fiancée. A professional career that was making herself a name in the field. A chance at the happiness she'd often wondered if she would ever find again. More importantly, a man who understood her and loved her for who she was, tainted past and all.

She had every right in the world to be on top of it.

So why did she feel as if she were about to fall off?

She can live with what goes with leaving
She knows it's the only way
Though it kills her to give up believin'
She can't live with herself if she stays
She could settle for what she'd be feeling
If she gave in and worked this one out
She doesn't want the kind of love she can live with
She wants the kind of love she can't live without

The sickness churned in her stomach as she remembered feeling the intense gaze from across the room at tonight's charity function. She hadn't expected him to be there, an insipid brunette hanging on his arm, looking for all the world as if she belonged there. Her sharply indrawn breath had alerted her fiancée, who immediately wrapped his arms around her and asked if she were okay. She'd managed to reassure him, glad to see the understanding in his dark depths, but swamped with guilt to see the sadness lingering behind the understanding as he followed her gaze to the man across the room.

She'd done her best to ignore him, focusing on her fiancée and her role at his side. But it didn't stop her from shivering when she felt his eyes almost constantly upon her. Unconsciously, she'd snuggled a bit closer to her companion, knowing he would protect her.

But even his protection had not been enough to stop the quickening of her heart as she'd felt heated, familiar breath against her ear as she'd stood at the buffet table.

"You look lovely."

She'd hated the way her body responded, anger at the knowledge that even after everything that had passed, he could still arouse her like no other. The sound of his voice had been enough to make her body shiver and warmth pool between her thighs.

"Thank you. You look rather well yourself."

The words had perhaps been more harsh than normal, the ensuing conversation stilted and uncomfortable, while the undercurrents flew like flame around them. For a moment as they'd struggled to make small talk, she'd found herself longing for the days of ease and affection between them, her body remembering the other aspects of loving him.

But the reality of things had quickly returned. She'd stiffened, murmuring a good-bye and turning to escape the sphere of his influence. She had not trusted herself to remain there without being sucked in once more. And that was the one thing she'd promised herself when she'd left, that she would never do again.

"You can't deny what will always be between us."

The words had been a near whisper, but they'd stopped her in her tracks. Her throat had clogged, her eyes wet as she turned and forced herself to meet his gaze. The arrogance in them made her furious, the banked desire made her burn. But overwhelmingly, it was the love behind it all that made her heart feel as if it were ripped from her chest.

"I can try."

The words had been more of a whisper, but she had tried to put strength behind them. She couldn't deny what he'd said, although every fiber of her being wanted to. Her body, however, had cried out that her words were a lie, and the knowing expression she'd seen in his eyes had only made her more desperate, more unsettled, more angry.

It wasn't fair! She had a wonderful man waiting to fulfill her every dream. She loved him in her own way, as he did her, and to even think about what she'd seen in his eyes as they'd followed her around the room all night, went against every principle she'd ever held dear.

But his eyes, and her weak heart, told her she would.

It was only a matter of time.

The depressive thought brought her back to the present, her eyes once again cataloging her features, wondering how the hell she'd ended up here, struggling to make the most difficult decision of her life.


She looks in the mirror and sees all the sadness in her eyes
It's never been clearer what he's asking her to sacrifice
But she can't be his forever, she can't even be his for now
She'll have to be kind to them both and let go of him somehow

Deep inside, she knew her decision was already made. It had been made the day she'd first laid eyes on him, her breath stolen at the powerful figure he'd made as he'd moved to shake her hand. It had been a rocky four years, filled with ups and downs, betrayals and sacrifices, but she'd never doubted their love. Never doubted what they'd hoped to achieve together.

But things had gone so terribly wrong. The fears they both held about who he was becoming and what he would do to achieve those goals had begun to wear on them. Arguments had begun to occur more often, hurtful words wounding deep where once there had been teasing banter.

She knew it was life, the world, and sadly, perhaps the path he'd been set on from the beginning, that had started their end; her own ambitions and stubbornness had no doubt added to their problems along the way. Finally, it had become too painful to stay. So she'd left. Gotten away from the hurt and the pain and the crushing love that she had thought she could live without.

She knew now she had never been more wrong in her life. And the fact made her want to tear her hair out at knowing she was considering messing up the best thing that had ever happened to her. Making her question the love she felt for her fiancée.

But it wasn't the same. It never would be, and she hated that fact, hated him for making it a fact, hated herself for being unable to deny it or find the strength to change it.

And hardest part is she loves him
But she doesn't want the kind of love she can live with
She wants the kind of love she can't live without

Her fiancée deserved better. She deserved better. Her future happiness deserved better. She could have it all, if she only could let go and move on. She'd found love again, despite her belief that she wouldn't, and it was a love so different from her first, that she knew it was something special. Knew it was the kind of love she could live with for the rest of her life.

She loved Bruce.

But she couldn't live without Lex.

~*~*~*~*~*~

The End

katspell
11th March 2004, 15:49
:ohmy: :worship2: :crygreen:

that is all there is.

scifichick774
11th March 2004, 16:41
:crygreen:

autumngold
11th March 2004, 18:34
Your story is so good!! :crygreen: It's so sad but so good!! :crygreen: Poor Chloe!! If only she could allow herself to be happy with Bruce!! If only we could train our hearts!! Great story!! :chlexsign3:

ColumbiaBlue
11th March 2004, 19:31
Oh wow... This was so good and so sad Sara! I can relate with what Chloe's feeling in this. Loving someone even though they've hurt you over and over. I loved it. Great job.

~Manda :blinkkiss:

carebear72884
11th March 2004, 21:36
:crygreen: :crygreen: why can't lex stop hurting her, and why can't chloe stop letting him. :crygreen: :crygreen: and why does bruce always have to be hurt too? :crygreen:

Clannadlvr
11th March 2004, 23:09
*sighs*

Sara, I think we've established that I'm an angst chick...and it's this sort of great writing that feeds my addiction!!!!

I love this line...


The words had perhaps been more harsh than normal, the ensuing conversation stilted and uncomfortable, while the undercurrents flew like flame around them.

I love how you work so many elements into this sentance: undercurrents (water), flew (air) flame (fire). It makes their arguments that they must have had during their relationship all that more vivid- even though the reader isn't a fly on the wall during their arguments, we can imagine what they must have been like. Just so great...

And I love how you don't reveal who her fiance is till the very end. Kudos!

Finally...yes, we all love Chlex here. But the harsh reality of it is, if you follow canon, it's so easy to see how Lex's ambitions would be able to destroy his greatest love.

Just a great job, hon. So glad to see you posting!!

starmoon
23rd February 2005, 07:29
it was great but please make a sequeal or just continue this story. You could make it long instead of short. The possiblatys are endless. That is if you want to if not than this story is just perfect if you leave it. :wub:

arkakitty
27th June 2005, 20:20
Yes, that was good. :)

micah_luther
27th June 2005, 23:12
I loved it I loved it I LOVED IT!!!!! I lOVED IT!!! Did I mention that I loved it???

darkangel
5th July 2005, 02:20
This was lovely but please write a sequel.

Ami Rose
19th August 2012, 11:58
That song always makes me want to cry. Great story