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ColumbiaBlue
6th March 2004, 19:21
Title: Broken
Author: ColumbiaBlue
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I don’t own diddly squat.
Spoilers: If it’s aired, it’s fair game.
Feedback: Wanted. Needed. Craved.

AN: Heavy, heavy angst. I have no idea where it came from. Hope you like it!

~*~ Broken ~*~

A smiling face. A soft touch. A loving embrace. Passionate kisses. Feeling so safe in the familiar arms. And then... Black. A placid expression. Cool metal against your back. A harsh shove. Hands around your throat. And then... you’re falling. That stomach dropping, heart stopping, uncontrollable free fall feeling that makes you jolt and send you into that fuzzy place between consciousness and sleep. Something’s off. It isn’t right. Something’s ringing and pounding and it takes you a minute to realize that it’s your ears. It echos inside your head, bounces off your skull, completely overwhelms you with the noise.

You’re breaths come in fast, quick, puffs. You try to take a deep breath, but can’t. It feels as though someone is sitting on your ribcage and using your lungs as squeeze toys. You can’t breathe. You’re suffocating. Black spots begin to dot your vision and the room begins to spin. Or maybe it’s just your head. Either way, it’s spinning, faster and faster until it’s at a nauseating whirl. You close your eyes, trying in vain to make it go away. But it doesn’t. That face flashes through your mind. The face of the one person who loved you so deeply and then, one day, turned on you. Threatened you. Hurt you.

Your eyes snap open as you begin to shake. At first, just your hands. Then your arms and legs and so on until you’re entire body is wracked with quakes. And the walls are closing in on you. They’re coming right at you, faster and faster. You can’t get out. You feel like a scared, trapped animal in a cage.

It registers somewhere distant in your mind that someone is saying something to you. Exactly what, you don’t know. You can’t hear or think about anything except the ringing and pounding. A hand touches your arm and you scream and jump away as if you were burned. You don’t want anyone touching you. If they do, they might snap the rapidly fraying rope you’re desperately clinging on to, causing you to completely spiral out of control.

You feel hot tears prick your eyes and one slides down your cheek, leaving a trail of salty wetness in its path. You’re insides are burning. A liquid fire running through your veins, melting everything it touches. And then everything freezes. Your blood that was just like lava runs as cold as ice. Your wildly pounding heart chills. And then your burning again. And then freezing. Burning, freezing, burning, freezing, over and over again.

What the hell is going on? If the ringing and pounding and wheezing and shaking and spinning and suffocating and and hurting and burning and cooling doesn’t stop, you’re certain you’re going to die. You can’t take much more of it. When would it stop? For that matter, how did it start? Your hands fly to your face, clawing at your cheeks, clutching your head, pressing against your ears, trying to find someway to relieve all the noise.

You take a plunge. Falling and falling again until you crash, shattering like glass, and everything stops just as quickly as it started. You’re snapped out of that in between place, and shoved into consciousness. The ringing and pounding and wheezing and shaking and spinning and suffocating and hurting and burning and cooling, it’s all gone. And all that’s left is a dull ache where your heart used to be before it had been broken and crushed beyond recognition.

And the familiar pain begins. A hurt so deep that it has torn your very soul and it’ll never heal. It has broken you. *He* has broken you. The one man who promised to protect you and love you and keep you, forever and ever. The one man who was the cause of your nightly torture. And what hurts even worse is, as much as you want to, you can’t bring yourself to hate him.

Because every time you try, that handsome, gentle, loving face appears in your mind, making you fall for him all over again. And after you’ve fallen again, his face changes into what he has become. Evil.

The voice is speaking again and you turn to look. “Chloe... are you alright?”

You blink at him for a few minutes, tears trailing down your face, stunned. A flicker of hope passes through you. Because now you’re not just dreaming of that face you love so much, you’re looking at it.

He wipes your eyes and you give him a small smile. “Yeah. I’m alright.”

And then he switches. The stranger is back. That awful, distant, monster that haunts you. “Good. Now that you have that out of your system, I trust that I can sleep without any further interruptions.” His voice is cold and he turns his back to you and the tears begin again.

You know you should leave him. But you can’t. Because leaving would be the final nail in the coffin. Because you need to believe, that if you love him enough, it will bring him back to you. The man you married. The man you love.

“I love you, Lex.” You whisper into the night.

But he doesn’t hear you. He never does.

~*~ The End ~*~

katspell
6th March 2004, 19:36
:ohmy: I need to stay out of this section, period. I Loved it. The tone made me feel like I was having a panic attack. :crygreen: poor Chloe :crygreen:

autumngold
7th March 2004, 01:35
Poor Chloe! I feel so sorry for her, loving someone who can't or won't love her back! He must still care though, maybe, since she's still there?! Please write more soon!! :chlexsign3:

sosostris
9th March 2004, 08:41
that was heart wrenching. i loved it! great description of everything. normally i don't like things written in the second person as i feel that it can be confusing, and if not done properly, a total disaster. But you did a great job, the last line was perfect. :clap:

Clannadlvr
9th March 2004, 09:11
Wow...absolutely chilling, Manda. Just pitch perfect. Yeah, yeah, I'm an angst hog...but ONLY if it's done well. And you've done an exemplary job.

What I particularly like is the frenzied mix of images we see rolling around in Chloe's mind...like an anxiety attack gone mad.

Just...wow.


The ringing and pounding and wheezing and shaking and spinning and suffocating and hurting and burning and cooling, it’s all gone. And all that’s left is a dull ache where your heart used to be before it had been broken and crushed beyond recognition.

I love this bit here...it shows that the absence of pain can hurt just as much as the pain itself.

Just..wow. Again, great job, hon. Knowing canon!Lex and where he's bound to go...this is just perfect.

moultipass1
9th March 2004, 17:40
:crygreen:
I know I shouldn't read angst when I'm already depressed, but when I saw it was you, I decided I'd read it anyway, which was completely stupid, since it was so well written I'm now even more depressed!
Now you soooo have to update 'last night was horrible...'! :blinkkiss:
Thanks for a great story!

Moultipass :chlexsign4:

Ami Rose
11th January 2014, 23:18
:ohmy: I need to stay out of this section, period. I Loved it. The tone made me feel like I was having a panic attack. :crygreen: poor Chloe :crygreen:

I felt the same way! So sad but I loved it.