tiff
25th February 2004, 11:51
Title: Running
Rating: R, language
Disclaimer: Don't own anything...and if I did I'd rather own Buffy and have Joss' insane genius than Miller and Gough's...whatever it is that they have.
AN: I don't know what this is, I just had to write something angsty before I went to sleep and I haven't really read through this so I hope it makes sense. I'm not even sure what I wrote, but if you can, enjoy. Feedback's always nice, especially if it's complimenting. Yeah, I'm needy with the confidence boosts...
**************************
There’s too much work and I’m spent
There’s too much pressure and I admit
I got no time to move ahead
Have you heard one thing that I’ve said
And all these little things in life they all create this haze
There’s too many things to get done, and I’m running out of days
-3 Doors Down, "Running Out of Days"
**************************
You know, after all the years, you’d think the pain would hurt less and feel further away. Bruises would go away and the scars would fade.
You’d think that after all these years, the repercussions of one mistake would be nonexistent, forgotten even, if you were lucky.
After all these years you’d figure out exactly who had had the upper hand. With all the double crosses, who you were really working for, all jumbled and lost in the confusion. Lionel or Lex or maybe, no you wouldn’t be deluded into thinking you were the one in control.
Sure, sleep with Lex to get information for Lionel and sure, sleep with Lionel to get information for Lex. God. You’re such a whore. You know how to get information, but you were forced to do it the Kerry Castle way. Luthors. Guess Jonathan Kent was right, Pete was right, all of Smallville, except for Clark and Lana, and God why would you even consider who they trust as trustworthy, knew better. Knew that they were poison. Slow acting and deadly.
Even if it ended after you graduated. They still hunted you. Kept getting closer and closer. One time you barely got away. Send your father letters without a return address, reassuring him that you’re still there. And who cares if it keeps them informed of your prolonged existence, he’s your father and you won’t hurt him like that. Not like your mom.
So you ran away and never looked back. Not at the reporter for the Daily Planet, the asshole who broke your heart, which essentially got you into this mess in the first place, and then stole your dream, also known as Clark Kent. Not at Pete, your ex-best friend, and Lana, the other half of what drove you to the biggest mistake of your life, happily married and still living in the hellhole known as Smallville.
Just like you never looked back after the abortion. And who knew whose kid you were aborting, you just knew it was a Luthor growing inside you and you wanted it out. That was the end. After Lex found out and lost it, and from that encounter Lionel found out and…no more children after that.
And then Lex found THAT out and lost it again. But you weren’t there for that. You’d left already. Disappeared before they could blink. And then. And then France and China and anywhere you could get to as far from them as possible. Cause you couldn’t handle it anymore. Being used. For information. For anything else. Cause you’re stronger than that. Cause your dad didn’t need your protection, he’d spent most of his life without it and could survive on his own. Cause Lex, despite being a Luthor, had befriended the plant manager and really couldn’t let him down. Unlike his plant manager’s daughter.
Cause who cares if you got your heartbroken over and over again? Who cares if you’re used and tossed aside over and over again? You’re just one silly little girl who couldn’t handle the big leagues, just another casualty in the war of the Luthors.
You know you’re this side of fucked-up with a healthy serving of cursed. Because they’ll never stop coming after you because they both still think you have something they want. A trump card on the other. Lex thinks you have something on Lionel that’ll pay and Lionel thinks you have something on Lex that’ll pay and they each think you have something on themselves that’ll pay, and really you ran out of information and told them that. You’d think lying snakes like them would be able to tell you were being honest about being clueless.
You keep running, because you know if you’re caught again, he’ll never let go. Whichever one caught you, he’d never let you go. Lionel would probably kill you and Lex would keep you locked up somewhere. His closet blonde. Cause Lex Luthor only goes out with brunettes. Guess he doesn’t have those specifications when it comes to sex.
And who cares if when you were with him he didn’t act like you were just another fuck. Like you actually meant something to him, because it never lasted. You’d see him again, cold, shuttered, and professional. It was all business. What did that make you?
Don’t think about it. It’s easier this way. Just keep running, because once you stop, your life is over. Even though you don’t hold the winning hand, and they’ll still be at it, you’re just another pawn. Once one of them has you…it’s over.
And this is what you remind yourself. Keep going keep going keep going keep going and never look back cause that’ll slow you down and if you slow down they’ll catch you. One or the other. And then they’ll ruin you even worse than you already are.
Because at least now you can run. You can write. You can go out. You can change your appearance. You can have some semblance of living.
Maybe, if you have the time, you can even get revenge. Because they really shouldn’t piss off Chloe Sullivan. Because they should never have underestimated you. Because you’re older and wiser than when you got caught in the web and know the game just a little bit better. Because they’re spending all this time chasing you, and while you run, you collect bits and pieces of information on them. Slip through the cracks and dig.
Keep running until you don’t have to anymore. Only stop when you know there’s no one there chasing after you, trying to catch and trap and never let you go.
Cause that one mistake will haunt you all your life, but swear you won’t let them get away with taking advantage and treating you like a game piece. Make them both pay for everything that they took from you. For the future they both knew you dreamed of and could have lived if they’d never gotten you involved.
Keep going keep running keep digging keep learning…Cause all you have time for now is today and all you live for now is revenge.
Rating: R, language
Disclaimer: Don't own anything...and if I did I'd rather own Buffy and have Joss' insane genius than Miller and Gough's...whatever it is that they have.
AN: I don't know what this is, I just had to write something angsty before I went to sleep and I haven't really read through this so I hope it makes sense. I'm not even sure what I wrote, but if you can, enjoy. Feedback's always nice, especially if it's complimenting. Yeah, I'm needy with the confidence boosts...
**************************
There’s too much work and I’m spent
There’s too much pressure and I admit
I got no time to move ahead
Have you heard one thing that I’ve said
And all these little things in life they all create this haze
There’s too many things to get done, and I’m running out of days
-3 Doors Down, "Running Out of Days"
**************************
You know, after all the years, you’d think the pain would hurt less and feel further away. Bruises would go away and the scars would fade.
You’d think that after all these years, the repercussions of one mistake would be nonexistent, forgotten even, if you were lucky.
After all these years you’d figure out exactly who had had the upper hand. With all the double crosses, who you were really working for, all jumbled and lost in the confusion. Lionel or Lex or maybe, no you wouldn’t be deluded into thinking you were the one in control.
Sure, sleep with Lex to get information for Lionel and sure, sleep with Lionel to get information for Lex. God. You’re such a whore. You know how to get information, but you were forced to do it the Kerry Castle way. Luthors. Guess Jonathan Kent was right, Pete was right, all of Smallville, except for Clark and Lana, and God why would you even consider who they trust as trustworthy, knew better. Knew that they were poison. Slow acting and deadly.
Even if it ended after you graduated. They still hunted you. Kept getting closer and closer. One time you barely got away. Send your father letters without a return address, reassuring him that you’re still there. And who cares if it keeps them informed of your prolonged existence, he’s your father and you won’t hurt him like that. Not like your mom.
So you ran away and never looked back. Not at the reporter for the Daily Planet, the asshole who broke your heart, which essentially got you into this mess in the first place, and then stole your dream, also known as Clark Kent. Not at Pete, your ex-best friend, and Lana, the other half of what drove you to the biggest mistake of your life, happily married and still living in the hellhole known as Smallville.
Just like you never looked back after the abortion. And who knew whose kid you were aborting, you just knew it was a Luthor growing inside you and you wanted it out. That was the end. After Lex found out and lost it, and from that encounter Lionel found out and…no more children after that.
And then Lex found THAT out and lost it again. But you weren’t there for that. You’d left already. Disappeared before they could blink. And then. And then France and China and anywhere you could get to as far from them as possible. Cause you couldn’t handle it anymore. Being used. For information. For anything else. Cause you’re stronger than that. Cause your dad didn’t need your protection, he’d spent most of his life without it and could survive on his own. Cause Lex, despite being a Luthor, had befriended the plant manager and really couldn’t let him down. Unlike his plant manager’s daughter.
Cause who cares if you got your heartbroken over and over again? Who cares if you’re used and tossed aside over and over again? You’re just one silly little girl who couldn’t handle the big leagues, just another casualty in the war of the Luthors.
You know you’re this side of fucked-up with a healthy serving of cursed. Because they’ll never stop coming after you because they both still think you have something they want. A trump card on the other. Lex thinks you have something on Lionel that’ll pay and Lionel thinks you have something on Lex that’ll pay and they each think you have something on themselves that’ll pay, and really you ran out of information and told them that. You’d think lying snakes like them would be able to tell you were being honest about being clueless.
You keep running, because you know if you’re caught again, he’ll never let go. Whichever one caught you, he’d never let you go. Lionel would probably kill you and Lex would keep you locked up somewhere. His closet blonde. Cause Lex Luthor only goes out with brunettes. Guess he doesn’t have those specifications when it comes to sex.
And who cares if when you were with him he didn’t act like you were just another fuck. Like you actually meant something to him, because it never lasted. You’d see him again, cold, shuttered, and professional. It was all business. What did that make you?
Don’t think about it. It’s easier this way. Just keep running, because once you stop, your life is over. Even though you don’t hold the winning hand, and they’ll still be at it, you’re just another pawn. Once one of them has you…it’s over.
And this is what you remind yourself. Keep going keep going keep going keep going and never look back cause that’ll slow you down and if you slow down they’ll catch you. One or the other. And then they’ll ruin you even worse than you already are.
Because at least now you can run. You can write. You can go out. You can change your appearance. You can have some semblance of living.
Maybe, if you have the time, you can even get revenge. Because they really shouldn’t piss off Chloe Sullivan. Because they should never have underestimated you. Because you’re older and wiser than when you got caught in the web and know the game just a little bit better. Because they’re spending all this time chasing you, and while you run, you collect bits and pieces of information on them. Slip through the cracks and dig.
Keep running until you don’t have to anymore. Only stop when you know there’s no one there chasing after you, trying to catch and trap and never let you go.
Cause that one mistake will haunt you all your life, but swear you won’t let them get away with taking advantage and treating you like a game piece. Make them both pay for everything that they took from you. For the future they both knew you dreamed of and could have lived if they’d never gotten you involved.
Keep going keep running keep digging keep learning…Cause all you have time for now is today and all you live for now is revenge.