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A-u-r-o-r-a
19th December 2003, 05:58
Disclaimer - not mine!
Notes - I wrote this in like, 10 mintues its just a silly little thing, a shippers unite kind of :lol


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Chloe walked into the Talon with her head held high, she was obviously looking for someone

“Lex!” she shouted, glancing over her shoulder “LEX!!!”

“He’s over there” Lana pointed out, walking briskly past her with a tray of coffee’s. Chloe stole one from the tray with a “Thanks” and an outraged look from Lana before marching over to the sofa where Lex sat reading a newspaper

“Come on” She said bluntly, sitting down next to him

“Sorry?” Lex asked quietly. Chloe rolled her eyes and glanced at her watch

“Lex are you going to take me out back and do me roughly from behind or am I going to sit here all day?”

Clark spat out his coffee all over Lex’s newspaper.

“Excuse me?!” he squeaked

“Clark!” said Chloe, looking a little worried. “I didn’t know you were here…”

Clark’s eyes darted from Lex to Chloe and back again

“I’ve been sitting here all the time!!” Chloe looked blankly at him

“Huh…” she said. Quite amazed that the star of the show could be so easily glanced over… she turned her attention back to Lex who was mopping his newspaper of coffee

“…WELL?!” she said impatiently. Lex shuffled over to her

“Chlo’ do we have to get up? I’m all comfy and Clark and I were in the middle of a conversation” he said, throwing an arm around her waist

“Well… alright” she said, grinning, and started to undo his belt in a hurry. Clark’s eyes were as large as saucers

“You guys?!!!?” He squealed again “You’re gonna have sex HERE? Right now?!”

Lex looked up briefly from unbuttoning Chloe’s blouse

“Uh huh” he said with a nod

“But! But but… but!” Clark began to stutter and then jumped in his seat as an ear shattering screech came from the bar

“You are NOT going to violate my coffee house with your physical shenanigans any more Chloe Sullivan and Lex Luther, OUT!” she huffed, pointing at the door

“Aw come on!” Lex said, aggravated as Chloe began to straddle his lap “We wont be long!” Chloe looked sternly at him “Give us twenty…” Another look from Chloe “…five minutes, that’s all”

“I cant believe you’re asking me to DO such a thing! Lana said with outrage, folding her arms and glaring at Clark

“Its not like you two notice anyway” Chloe said under her breath, battling with Lex’s shirt buttons now

“What?!” Clark retorted, Chloe rolled her eyes

“Oh come on, Clark? The other day in Lex’s bedroom when you were CONCERNED that you heard me making PAINED noises? At night… in Lex’s bedroom… we told you he was putting a plaster on my leg and you believed us”

Clark looked at his feet

“And last night in the Torch office?” Lex said, looking at Lana now “I managed to convince you that I was trying to Get Chloe’s t-shirt off a picture hook it was stuck on!”

“It could have been…” Lana mumbled

“While she was still wearing it!” Lex said angrily. “Face it you two are just crap! No no, Clark you are, you’re crap. The most exciting foreplay Clark’s ever seen from Lana is when she brushes her teeth

“Hey!” Lana squeaked. Chloe snorted in laughter, positioning herself directly above Lex.

“That was pretty hot…” Clark said with a smirk in Lana’s direction “Work those eye-teeth, Lana!”

she beamed “Thank you baby!”

“But you two are SO unlikely!” Started Lana “I mean come on, I’ve got the whipped cream, the punching bag, the convicted outfit, the fact that all Lex’s partners look exactly like me, my partnership with him at the Talon AND the fact that I perved on him when he was screwing that girl in his pool!”

“Yeh that was gross” Clark said, looking disgusted “You must have been, what? Five? Eeeeeeeeeeew!”

Lana was still looking smug “So if anyone’s going to have all the sex with Lex it’ll be me!” she said angrily. Clark did not look happy

“YOU cant screw him! Do you have any idea what that would DO to me? I mean with Chloe I’d get over it…”

“Thanks…” Chloe chipped in

“No problem…Because she’s the one in love with me not the other way around”

“Ahem?!?” Lex said in a breathy voice “Used to be… not IS” he gasped out

Lana was squinting in disgust “You guys you’re going to mess up my throw pillows!”

“So what about me and Lex?” Clark said quietly

Lex and Chloe stopped completely and Chloe looked over her shoulder at Clark with a half vicious, half hysterical look in her eyes

“Excuse me?” she said

“I’ll always be there for you Clark! I know you will Lex because you’re my best friend, come ON!” Clark squeaked at the end without meaning to. Lex snorted in laughter

“Eeeeverybody wants a slice of the action…” he drawled out

“Clark don’t be so stupid. You and Lex will only ever happen in the imagination of Smallville geeks get over it” she huffed

“Fine” Clark sulked and leant on his elbows

“So you see…” Lex panted “We’re not so strange after all” Chloe grinned down at him and kissed him heavily on the lips, Clark rolled his eyes jealously and pouted towards the window

Just then Pete entered with Lionel

“Hey” he said, strolling past Lex and Chloe who were now at it like mad “Hey Chloe”

“H….ey!” Chloe gasped. Pete looked about, grabbing Lex’s newspaper

“So what's new?” he asked “and what's Lex doing to Chloe?”

“She’s…got…an…itch…” Lex said, his eyes closed and his forehead glistening with sweat

“Ooooh ok”

Lionel was the only one looking embaressed

“Uuuuuuh son….what's that noise….? Uuuuuh” He said slowly “You’re not up to your, uuuuh old tricks again are you Lex?”

Chloe stopped moving “OLD tricks?” she said in an annoyed voice

“Chloe don’t stop!” Lex said, his voice straining in agony

“OOOh yes” Lionel continued, walking about meaninglessly behind them “Lex used to be quite the player, in his revolting teenage years. I was, uuuuuh, quite disgusted with him”

“Hey!” Clark said, suddenly catching onto something “Arent you supposed to be blind?”

Lionel looked twitchy “Oh um… I am! Look!” and smacked himself into a marble piller and fell to the floor “Ow! Didn’t see that coming, ah ha! Ha… uuuuh”

Clark nodded in approval, then looked about for Lex

“Hey” he said “Where’d they go?”

Lana looked up from polishing a mug “Lex said he had some important investigation work that needed to be done back at the mansion with Chloe on the importance of keeping warm in nude conditions and the effects multiple orgasm’s could have on disrupting the LexCorp financial state”

“Oh” said Clark. Pete shook his head. Suddenly Clark looked very smug with himself

“Hey Lana…” he said with a grin “Wanna go have a hot and heavy foolin around session back at your place?”

Lana considered this “Nah I’d rather go brush my teeth. Wanna watch?” She said with a smile

“DO I!!” Clark stated, leaping up from the couch. Lana giggled

‘I’ll use the triple mint aquafresh for you, Clark”
“oOOoh Lana you kinky bitch…”

Val
19th December 2003, 06:17
Lionel looked twitchy “Oh um… I am! Look!” and smacked himself into a marble piller and fell to the floor “Ow! Didn’t see that coming, ah ha! Ha… uuuuh”

LMFAO, funny! :hehe:

hfce
19th December 2003, 08:04
This was :lol: :hehe:


Hope :lol:

autumngold
19th December 2003, 08:46
That was just hilarious!! The thought of Lex and Lana together is sooo gross though!! I wish he had told her that it would never happen in a million years!! :biggrin: Great story!! :chlexsign4:

Julie
19th December 2003, 09:43
You need a rating on this one A... Please put one in soon!

scifichick774
19th December 2003, 14:48
The hint at Lexana...*shudders*. Everything else was hilarious though. :)

hickchick
20th December 2003, 09:08
ROTFLMAO!!!!

so funny! i loved it!

peepsRfun2eat
20th December 2003, 09:12
Originally posted by A-u-r-o-r-a@Dec 19 2003, 04:58 AM
“Hey Lana…” he said with a grin “Wanna go have a hot and heavy foolin around session back at your place?”

Lana considered this “Nah I’d rather go brush my teeth. Wanna watch?” She said with a smile

“DO I!!” Clark stated, leaping up from the couch. Lana giggled

‘I’ll use the triple mint aquafresh for you, Clark”
“oOOoh Lana you kinky bitch…”



this part had me just cracking up. :lol:

lexana was disturbing but this ending oh my god, still LMAO.

vardaquareien
21st December 2003, 09:12
:pclol: Oh Lord! That was so bloody hilarious!!! :hehe: Absolutely brilliant!!! Luved it!!!

Sab_Luthor
21st December 2003, 22:07
oh god this was so hilarious :pclol:

Elviriel
18th January 2004, 02:34
“Hey!” Clark said, suddenly catching onto something “Arent you supposed to be blind?”

Lionel looked twitchy “Oh um… I am! Look!” and smacked himself into a marble piller and fell to the floor “Ow! Didn’t see that coming, ah ha! Ha… uuuuh”
:lol: Imagine that if he didi it on the show ... loool
Great fic ! I laughed a lot !

Lilith The First
22nd January 2004, 20:09
me-ra-vi-glio-sa!!!


oh, sorry, yes, english...

won-der-ful!!!!! :biggrin:

Sab_Luthor
22nd January 2004, 21:39
awww come on you have to update
you know you want to :worship2: :worship2:

carebear72884
25th January 2004, 02:10
:biggrin: lol, that was great, hehe

lunaluthor
27th April 2004, 16:24
just found this hilarious :yay: :yay:

katspell
27th April 2004, 17:09
:goof: wow, that was something else... We could maybe use some more...

TheDragonLady
28th April 2004, 01:21
“oOOoh Lana you kinky bitch…”

OH JESUS!



HAHAHAHAHA!


I love this... It is hilarious...

tiff
28th April 2004, 01:23
okay i admit, i read this when it first came out and i was lurking, but hey. here i am. commenting! i love this and i don't know how i forgot about it but it's completely hilarious.

Blaire023
28th April 2004, 21:35
OH my god!

I loved it. I am cracking up still. It was the lionel....and all his, "uuuh's"

lmfao, you're hilarious, hands down I bow to you!

~B

LarkLuthor
28th September 2004, 07:19
Is this considered finished or not? I'd really love to have more but if it's done it should be moved to the other section, so I'd really like to know.

Lark

A-u-r-o-r-a
28th September 2004, 16:11
s'done ^_^

LEXNCHLOEROCK
10th October 2004, 20:58
LOL you are truly gifted!

Caramel
15th February 2005, 21:52
<span style='color:green'>“Eeeeverybody wants a slice of the action…” he drawled out</span>


I know I do&#33;&#33;&#33; :devil:

starmoon
15th March 2005, 08:35
I enjoyed the story very musc.

Willower
21st May 2005, 08:32
that was so funny! i love lionel bumping into the marble pillar thingy. :D

cwong
21st May 2005, 21:20
omg! half of it didn't make any sense but that's ok

ellelea
8th June 2005, 08:11
:rofl: Priceless! I loved it all, especially the end. Triple mint aquafresh, indeed! lmfao!

arkakitty
9th June 2005, 15:32
Oh my. I was laughing so hard, I fell off my chair xD "Didn't see this coming" :)

jaxie926
26th June 2005, 22:48
‘I’ll use the triple mint aquafresh for you, Clark”
“oOOoh Lana you kinky bitch…”

*dies*

meg20
2nd July 2005, 16:43
:rofl: :D funny

darkangel
7th July 2005, 03:16
that was just very funny.

Skye
27th February 2006, 20:45
This was just amazing!!

Augustine86
15th March 2006, 15:13
Disturbingly funny... And thank you for putting me off triple mint acquafresh forever! I may not even be able to brush my teeth anymore! My love life is ruined by your descriptions of Blana antics!!!

But it was fun, and worth it. There was some nice Chlex sex.

persephone47
16th March 2006, 03:45
hahhaha, interesting, that was a nice funny not to serious fic...

sinecure
16th March 2006, 07:13
Hee! Hillarious. I love parody. :)

cwong
16th March 2006, 08:35
eww lana flossing....how disturbing....very funny with the whole having sex in public n everyone not catchin on thing.

Emsta
16th April 2006, 06:42
this fic still has the power to make me laugh. Lionel running into the pillar is TEH BOMB baby, the bomb!

~*~Tasha~*~
6th July 2006, 03:52
ROFL! Oh my gosh ... that was twisted and wrong on so many hilarious levels. ROFLMAO!!!

Nice one. I was laughing very hard.

Ami Rose
23rd April 2017, 01:22
Lmao well that was different