Clannadlvr
15th December 2003, 05:55
Title: Fade
Author: Clannadlvr
Rating: PG, mentions of alcohol, etc.
Category: Songfic. Part II of the “Dance Suite”
Spoilers: None that I can think of. ;)
Summary: They’ve danced before, but this time it’s not about desire.
Disclaimer: Nope, they’re not mine. And neither is Mazzy Star.
Feedback: Well, since YOU GUYS are the ones who asked for more after “Ease,” I’d love to hear what you think so far.
Author’s note: Yet again, don’t expect total resolution. But since this is just one of a few stories, part of the larger dance suite, you’re getting pieces of the puzzle. Thanks for making my muse come back to visit! Oh, and this piece is based on the song “Fade Into You,” by Mazzy Star. Again, listen to it as you read if you can. I love the haunting romance of this song. It’s so…Chlex.
A/N #2: A HUGE shout out to Aimee! Thanks for giving me such great feedback on the direction I'm taking our favorite characters. I'll be your minion any day!
***
Streamers strung from the gymnasium ceiling, twisting and rippling, running from rafters to basketball nets, then hanging down, shifting in the breeze. Cotton candy colors, pinks and violets and baby blues, carefully arranged to please the teenage eye. Strains of boy band and pseudo angst surrounding a crowd of taffeta and polyester, bolts of fabric swaying with simple rhythms and quiet shuffles. The scent of vanilla lip gloss mixing with smuggled Everclear and grain. Everything, just as a prom should be…
Suffocating.
She had to get out. One moment she’d been standing in her too new shoes, sipping spiked punch and talking to Pete about their four years at Smallville High. Their lips were moving but they hadn’t actually said anything. Then the “best years of our lives” comments had started and she’d felt it. At first it had been light, like a passenger in a subway car who got too close. Then it got a little heavier, like groceries carried too many blocks on a humid day. After that, description was much simpler.
It was like a freight train had slammed into her, stopped, then promptly settled on her chest.
All she knew was that she needed to get out. Pushing her way through the crowd, it took everything she had left just to stifle the scream. And when she reached the hallway, the release she’d expected to come was elusive. Taking off at a run, her heels clicked, carrying her to her safe haven of four years.
Her hand was on the doorknob before she remembered that she no longer had the key. Her boxes had been packed, the last edition printed, and the Torch passed on to the next editor. Just like that, four years were nothing but empty words.
She needed to get out and away. Fresh air, space. Anything to get her away from the tomb in which she’d been dancing for the past two hours. Then she felt the light breeze as it rolled over her shoulders, ruffling the sash draped carelessly about her.
There.
Sweet freedom beckoned. For the first time tonight she began to feel lighter. Every step to that exit was like tasting air and swallowing it whole. By the time she reached the door she was in a run. Open air in front of her, a whole lawn waiting for her to run across it, night dew begging to be disturbed.
Lips curved upward, she almost felt that if she ran just hard enough, she’d take off. Faster, faster, she ran…
…right into something that felt much too solid to be air.
“Miss Sullivan?”
Her nose was buried in a haven of soft silk. Even in the dim moonlight she could see the vibrancy of violet, husked in black. She pulled her eyes away and upward.
“Lex?”
He smirked slightly at her use of his first name. She cursed herself inwardly. The last thing she wanted to do was bait him- she was not in the mood for any verbal judo. She didn’t know if she had the strength.
“Running away from the ball to catch a story? I hear Farmer Johanssen has a few mares ready to foal. Oh, or you could catch up on the Smallville fair preparations. Fascinating, I must…” Lex trailed off. He just stared at her, like he was seeing her for the first time.
“That’s all it’s been, hasn’t it?” Chloe began to turn away, but was stopped by a hand on her shoulder.
“Chloe, what’s wrong?” She felt his warm breath across her neck, his voice soft.
She turned back, ready to tell him to mind his own business, until she saw his face. His brow furrowed, eyes creased, almost as if he was concerned. That look made her want to burrow back into his chest and let it all out. For the first time in her life, she had absolutely no idea what to say.
“It’s not Clark, is it?” Lex stated rather than asked.
Anger bubbled up and she lashed out, “God, doesn’t anyone realize that there’s more to me than just some adolescent crush on a simple farmboy?”
The softness of his voice stopped her as she went to walk away. “I do,” he stated simply.
Chloe turned around again looked at him. Really looked at him. The usual accoutrements were there, the Armani suit, the “don’t mess with me” stance. But it was his face that was totally different. It was almost open, guileless.
She heard herself say, “I know.” Confused, she looked at him again, into his eyes, and realized he did know.
“Tell me.” Lex said simply.
“I-I don’t know how,” she stammered.
“Yes you do,” he murmured, coming close enough to touch her. But he didn’t. Instead he looked her deeply in the eyes. “Describe it.”
She looked at him, fear filling her chest. Fear for what she was going to say, what she had realized but couldn’t even admit to herself. And she was going to bare it to him?
“Chloe.” This time he did touch her, tracing the line along her jaw, drawing her contours as if to draw out the truth. “I’ve been reading your work for years now and know that you paint with words. Unless you feel,” he said with a glint in his eye, “that you’ve lost your touch?”
Her jaw hardened. How dare he?! If there was one thing, even if it was the only thing, that she was sure about it was her journalistic skills. What an arrogant bastard to suggest otherwise. Oh, she’d tell him. She’d tell him everything. Just like he…
Her thoughts trailed off as realization hit- he’d just played her like a two note flute. And if she needed any confirmation, all she had to do was look at that smirk. Damn him, it had worked.
But before she could say anything, Lex placed the finger that he had tucked under her chin to her lips. Then he drew his hand softly along her face, fingertips resting on her brow.
“Now,” he said, drawing those fingers down, across her lids, willing them to close without any protest. “Paint.”
She sighed, and as she did, she felt the weight on her chest, fresh and chilling.
“It’s like everything is monochrome. But not just now. I’m looking back and I’m seeing that everything was muted these last four years. Maybe even my whole life…”she shuddered, trailing off.
Eyes still closed, she heard him say softly, “Go on.”
“I mean, I was in that gym, with all these people so sad to be having their last dances, thinking toward graduation like it was the firing squad. Like everything that they’ve done here was what defined who they are. So then I got to thinking that must apply to me, and if it does, then that means I’m nothing.”
“Why?” Lex said simply.
Now she was angry. “Because,” she said, eyes flying open, flashing. “Because I haven’t done anything that’s gone deep enough, affected me enough. I went along in their pastel world and let the simplicity of this backwoods town pull me under.”
For the first time during her rant, Lex looked skeptical. “Smallville, home of your so called “freak-of-the-weeks” is simple?”
“A few mutants don’t really make people more self aware,” she said simply.
Lex paused, deep in thought, then, as if he decided to agree with her, nodded. “So what haven’t you done that’s made you nothing?”
“I haven’t done anything,” she said sadly. “I haven’t loved enough, hard enough, deeply enough. And don’t,” she said with a raised hand as he began to speak, “bring up Clark because you and I both know that there are things more painful than unrequited love.”
She watched the shadows pass across his eyes as he nodded in assent.
“I haven’t loved enough, hurt enough, felt enough. Like I’ve been living in gray even though I know I’m passionate reds, aching blues, violent blacks…” she trailed off, blushing. “I’m sorry, I’m getting a bit ridiculous.”
“No,” he said. “But you’ve already disproved your theory.”
“My theory?” she asked, trying to guess what he meant.
“That you’re nothing,” Lex said softly. “Because in just a few strokes of the brush you’ve painted a picture more vivid than anyone in Smallville could with an arsenal of colors. You are everything.”
“So why haven’t I felt like I am?” she asked, cringing as she heard her petulant tone.
He smiled down at her, a real smile, something Chloe realized she’d never actually seen Lex wear. “Because you weren’t ready.”
“And this big weight on my chest, the panic attack I almost had inside the gym?”
But she already knew. He smiled at her. “Because now you are.”
Their eyes locked. “You know all of this from experience,” she stated.
She watched his smile go from true to guarded. “Perhaps,” he said simply.
“Lex, I…” she was interrupted by the sounds of the prom announcer preparing the crowd for the last few dances of the night. She cocked her head in the direction of the door, listening but not really caring what was being said
“I guess you should go back in,” Lex said softly.
When she turned back to him, his expression was blank. But she thought she’d almost heard regret in those words.
“Honestly, I don’t know if I can. I know,” she said to his surprised expression, “that doesn’t sound like the usual in your face, take charge Chloe, but…”
His lips turned up again. “Chloe, you shouldn’t miss out on your last dances of the prom.”
Lex was getting sentimental about a prom? If she could even picture Lex at a prom, she was sure he would have been with his prep school buddies, sipping cognac and playing billiards while the other danced. Shaking her head she said, “Lex, I can’t go back in there yet.”
“Who said anything about going back inside?”
Chloe just stared at him for a moment, then realized that his hand was held out to her, inviting her to dance.
“It’s not like we haven’t danced before,” he whispered, drawing closer to her. Chloe looked into his eyes and couldn’t help it as her mind went back to the black box theatre all those months ago. Neither of them had ever spoken of it to each other after that night, and Chloe certainly hadn’t said a word to any of her friends about it. How could she describe the thrill of being that close to him, some moments so visceral that it had been as if he were inside her without even a single layer of clothing disturbed? How could she tell her friends that for days afterward she’d ached for his touch, that all she wanted to do was go back to that moment right before he’d walked away, when their skin had touched, lighting fires? She shivered, intoxicated and unnerved by the memory.
He was still staring at her, his hand outstretched. She studied his eyes, looking for his intent but she couldn’t see, couldn’t know what he wanted. So, she made her decision.
Her hand slipped easily into his, the strains of music floating toward them. As they moved close, his hand cupped her hip, than moved slowly to the small of her back. A gentle warmth spread along the path and she knew this was so different than before.
I want to hold the hand inside you
I want to take a breath that's true
I look to you and I see nothing
I look to you to see the truth
Chloe lifted her head, and found his eyes locked on hers. Every moment he held her, swaying softly, the weight that had been pressing down became lighter and lighter. Each breath was breathed together, truths revealed. And she saw when she looked in his eyes. She saw everything.
You live your life
You go in shadows
You'll come apart and you'll go black
Some kind of night into your darkness
Colors your eyes with what's not there
Tears welled in her eyes, emotion so strong that she didn’t know where it should go. Gazing at her, he nodded, as if to say, “I’ll take it for you.” Darkness rolled down her face hot and salty from lowering lids.
Fade into you
Strange you never knew
Fade into you
I think it's strange you never knew
Her eyes fluttered open as she felt a strange sensation. Soft lips brushed her skin, removing the tears from her cheeks, kissing away the tracks. Breath ended the cold. Eyes wide, she looked at him, searched him for understanding. The kisses moved from her cheek to her brow, settling there as she felt him pull her close.
A stranger's light comes on slowly
A stranger's heart without a home
You put your hands into your head
And then smiles cover your heart
She sighed at the comfort, the simple knowing of being held. Before it had been electric touch, scorching moments so fleeting. Now it was another kind of pain, one so sweet that her heart ached to catch it, hold it. So she let it wash over her, her head nestled in the crook of his neck, his face buried in her hair.
Fade into you
Strange you never knew
Fade into you
I think it's strange you never knew
She felt herself fading into color.
Fade into you
Strange you never knew
Fade into you
I think it's strange you never knew
I think it's strange you never knew
Even after the song ended, changing to something bright and empty, he held her, still swaying to that same beat. Then voices filled the hall beyond the door.
Chloe’s head lifted at the familiar sounds. Clark, Pete… and Lana?
Lex was the first to break the silence. “It seems you’ve been missed.”
“No, I doubt it…” but then she heard them call her name.
She looked at Lex, reading the possibilities. Never breaking eye contact she said, “I should go.”
“You should.”
Chloe backed away slowly from the warmth, sometimes a fire, other times pure solace, and immediately felt the chill. And kept on walking.
She turned and stopped. “Lex…” she said as she spun around. But he was gone.
A soft smile played over her lips, her fingers grazing the cheeks he had comforted. She almost didn’t notice when Clark grabbed her arm.
“Chloe! We’ve been looking all over for you. Where have you been?”
“Dancing,” she said simply, and let herself be led back into the prom. But this time it didn’t matter that her world was monochrome. She was passionate reds, aching blues, and violent blacks.
Author: Clannadlvr
Rating: PG, mentions of alcohol, etc.
Category: Songfic. Part II of the “Dance Suite”
Spoilers: None that I can think of. ;)
Summary: They’ve danced before, but this time it’s not about desire.
Disclaimer: Nope, they’re not mine. And neither is Mazzy Star.
Feedback: Well, since YOU GUYS are the ones who asked for more after “Ease,” I’d love to hear what you think so far.
Author’s note: Yet again, don’t expect total resolution. But since this is just one of a few stories, part of the larger dance suite, you’re getting pieces of the puzzle. Thanks for making my muse come back to visit! Oh, and this piece is based on the song “Fade Into You,” by Mazzy Star. Again, listen to it as you read if you can. I love the haunting romance of this song. It’s so…Chlex.
A/N #2: A HUGE shout out to Aimee! Thanks for giving me such great feedback on the direction I'm taking our favorite characters. I'll be your minion any day!
***
Streamers strung from the gymnasium ceiling, twisting and rippling, running from rafters to basketball nets, then hanging down, shifting in the breeze. Cotton candy colors, pinks and violets and baby blues, carefully arranged to please the teenage eye. Strains of boy band and pseudo angst surrounding a crowd of taffeta and polyester, bolts of fabric swaying with simple rhythms and quiet shuffles. The scent of vanilla lip gloss mixing with smuggled Everclear and grain. Everything, just as a prom should be…
Suffocating.
She had to get out. One moment she’d been standing in her too new shoes, sipping spiked punch and talking to Pete about their four years at Smallville High. Their lips were moving but they hadn’t actually said anything. Then the “best years of our lives” comments had started and she’d felt it. At first it had been light, like a passenger in a subway car who got too close. Then it got a little heavier, like groceries carried too many blocks on a humid day. After that, description was much simpler.
It was like a freight train had slammed into her, stopped, then promptly settled on her chest.
All she knew was that she needed to get out. Pushing her way through the crowd, it took everything she had left just to stifle the scream. And when she reached the hallway, the release she’d expected to come was elusive. Taking off at a run, her heels clicked, carrying her to her safe haven of four years.
Her hand was on the doorknob before she remembered that she no longer had the key. Her boxes had been packed, the last edition printed, and the Torch passed on to the next editor. Just like that, four years were nothing but empty words.
She needed to get out and away. Fresh air, space. Anything to get her away from the tomb in which she’d been dancing for the past two hours. Then she felt the light breeze as it rolled over her shoulders, ruffling the sash draped carelessly about her.
There.
Sweet freedom beckoned. For the first time tonight she began to feel lighter. Every step to that exit was like tasting air and swallowing it whole. By the time she reached the door she was in a run. Open air in front of her, a whole lawn waiting for her to run across it, night dew begging to be disturbed.
Lips curved upward, she almost felt that if she ran just hard enough, she’d take off. Faster, faster, she ran…
…right into something that felt much too solid to be air.
“Miss Sullivan?”
Her nose was buried in a haven of soft silk. Even in the dim moonlight she could see the vibrancy of violet, husked in black. She pulled her eyes away and upward.
“Lex?”
He smirked slightly at her use of his first name. She cursed herself inwardly. The last thing she wanted to do was bait him- she was not in the mood for any verbal judo. She didn’t know if she had the strength.
“Running away from the ball to catch a story? I hear Farmer Johanssen has a few mares ready to foal. Oh, or you could catch up on the Smallville fair preparations. Fascinating, I must…” Lex trailed off. He just stared at her, like he was seeing her for the first time.
“That’s all it’s been, hasn’t it?” Chloe began to turn away, but was stopped by a hand on her shoulder.
“Chloe, what’s wrong?” She felt his warm breath across her neck, his voice soft.
She turned back, ready to tell him to mind his own business, until she saw his face. His brow furrowed, eyes creased, almost as if he was concerned. That look made her want to burrow back into his chest and let it all out. For the first time in her life, she had absolutely no idea what to say.
“It’s not Clark, is it?” Lex stated rather than asked.
Anger bubbled up and she lashed out, “God, doesn’t anyone realize that there’s more to me than just some adolescent crush on a simple farmboy?”
The softness of his voice stopped her as she went to walk away. “I do,” he stated simply.
Chloe turned around again looked at him. Really looked at him. The usual accoutrements were there, the Armani suit, the “don’t mess with me” stance. But it was his face that was totally different. It was almost open, guileless.
She heard herself say, “I know.” Confused, she looked at him again, into his eyes, and realized he did know.
“Tell me.” Lex said simply.
“I-I don’t know how,” she stammered.
“Yes you do,” he murmured, coming close enough to touch her. But he didn’t. Instead he looked her deeply in the eyes. “Describe it.”
She looked at him, fear filling her chest. Fear for what she was going to say, what she had realized but couldn’t even admit to herself. And she was going to bare it to him?
“Chloe.” This time he did touch her, tracing the line along her jaw, drawing her contours as if to draw out the truth. “I’ve been reading your work for years now and know that you paint with words. Unless you feel,” he said with a glint in his eye, “that you’ve lost your touch?”
Her jaw hardened. How dare he?! If there was one thing, even if it was the only thing, that she was sure about it was her journalistic skills. What an arrogant bastard to suggest otherwise. Oh, she’d tell him. She’d tell him everything. Just like he…
Her thoughts trailed off as realization hit- he’d just played her like a two note flute. And if she needed any confirmation, all she had to do was look at that smirk. Damn him, it had worked.
But before she could say anything, Lex placed the finger that he had tucked under her chin to her lips. Then he drew his hand softly along her face, fingertips resting on her brow.
“Now,” he said, drawing those fingers down, across her lids, willing them to close without any protest. “Paint.”
She sighed, and as she did, she felt the weight on her chest, fresh and chilling.
“It’s like everything is monochrome. But not just now. I’m looking back and I’m seeing that everything was muted these last four years. Maybe even my whole life…”she shuddered, trailing off.
Eyes still closed, she heard him say softly, “Go on.”
“I mean, I was in that gym, with all these people so sad to be having their last dances, thinking toward graduation like it was the firing squad. Like everything that they’ve done here was what defined who they are. So then I got to thinking that must apply to me, and if it does, then that means I’m nothing.”
“Why?” Lex said simply.
Now she was angry. “Because,” she said, eyes flying open, flashing. “Because I haven’t done anything that’s gone deep enough, affected me enough. I went along in their pastel world and let the simplicity of this backwoods town pull me under.”
For the first time during her rant, Lex looked skeptical. “Smallville, home of your so called “freak-of-the-weeks” is simple?”
“A few mutants don’t really make people more self aware,” she said simply.
Lex paused, deep in thought, then, as if he decided to agree with her, nodded. “So what haven’t you done that’s made you nothing?”
“I haven’t done anything,” she said sadly. “I haven’t loved enough, hard enough, deeply enough. And don’t,” she said with a raised hand as he began to speak, “bring up Clark because you and I both know that there are things more painful than unrequited love.”
She watched the shadows pass across his eyes as he nodded in assent.
“I haven’t loved enough, hurt enough, felt enough. Like I’ve been living in gray even though I know I’m passionate reds, aching blues, violent blacks…” she trailed off, blushing. “I’m sorry, I’m getting a bit ridiculous.”
“No,” he said. “But you’ve already disproved your theory.”
“My theory?” she asked, trying to guess what he meant.
“That you’re nothing,” Lex said softly. “Because in just a few strokes of the brush you’ve painted a picture more vivid than anyone in Smallville could with an arsenal of colors. You are everything.”
“So why haven’t I felt like I am?” she asked, cringing as she heard her petulant tone.
He smiled down at her, a real smile, something Chloe realized she’d never actually seen Lex wear. “Because you weren’t ready.”
“And this big weight on my chest, the panic attack I almost had inside the gym?”
But she already knew. He smiled at her. “Because now you are.”
Their eyes locked. “You know all of this from experience,” she stated.
She watched his smile go from true to guarded. “Perhaps,” he said simply.
“Lex, I…” she was interrupted by the sounds of the prom announcer preparing the crowd for the last few dances of the night. She cocked her head in the direction of the door, listening but not really caring what was being said
“I guess you should go back in,” Lex said softly.
When she turned back to him, his expression was blank. But she thought she’d almost heard regret in those words.
“Honestly, I don’t know if I can. I know,” she said to his surprised expression, “that doesn’t sound like the usual in your face, take charge Chloe, but…”
His lips turned up again. “Chloe, you shouldn’t miss out on your last dances of the prom.”
Lex was getting sentimental about a prom? If she could even picture Lex at a prom, she was sure he would have been with his prep school buddies, sipping cognac and playing billiards while the other danced. Shaking her head she said, “Lex, I can’t go back in there yet.”
“Who said anything about going back inside?”
Chloe just stared at him for a moment, then realized that his hand was held out to her, inviting her to dance.
“It’s not like we haven’t danced before,” he whispered, drawing closer to her. Chloe looked into his eyes and couldn’t help it as her mind went back to the black box theatre all those months ago. Neither of them had ever spoken of it to each other after that night, and Chloe certainly hadn’t said a word to any of her friends about it. How could she describe the thrill of being that close to him, some moments so visceral that it had been as if he were inside her without even a single layer of clothing disturbed? How could she tell her friends that for days afterward she’d ached for his touch, that all she wanted to do was go back to that moment right before he’d walked away, when their skin had touched, lighting fires? She shivered, intoxicated and unnerved by the memory.
He was still staring at her, his hand outstretched. She studied his eyes, looking for his intent but she couldn’t see, couldn’t know what he wanted. So, she made her decision.
Her hand slipped easily into his, the strains of music floating toward them. As they moved close, his hand cupped her hip, than moved slowly to the small of her back. A gentle warmth spread along the path and she knew this was so different than before.
I want to hold the hand inside you
I want to take a breath that's true
I look to you and I see nothing
I look to you to see the truth
Chloe lifted her head, and found his eyes locked on hers. Every moment he held her, swaying softly, the weight that had been pressing down became lighter and lighter. Each breath was breathed together, truths revealed. And she saw when she looked in his eyes. She saw everything.
You live your life
You go in shadows
You'll come apart and you'll go black
Some kind of night into your darkness
Colors your eyes with what's not there
Tears welled in her eyes, emotion so strong that she didn’t know where it should go. Gazing at her, he nodded, as if to say, “I’ll take it for you.” Darkness rolled down her face hot and salty from lowering lids.
Fade into you
Strange you never knew
Fade into you
I think it's strange you never knew
Her eyes fluttered open as she felt a strange sensation. Soft lips brushed her skin, removing the tears from her cheeks, kissing away the tracks. Breath ended the cold. Eyes wide, she looked at him, searched him for understanding. The kisses moved from her cheek to her brow, settling there as she felt him pull her close.
A stranger's light comes on slowly
A stranger's heart without a home
You put your hands into your head
And then smiles cover your heart
She sighed at the comfort, the simple knowing of being held. Before it had been electric touch, scorching moments so fleeting. Now it was another kind of pain, one so sweet that her heart ached to catch it, hold it. So she let it wash over her, her head nestled in the crook of his neck, his face buried in her hair.
Fade into you
Strange you never knew
Fade into you
I think it's strange you never knew
She felt herself fading into color.
Fade into you
Strange you never knew
Fade into you
I think it's strange you never knew
I think it's strange you never knew
Even after the song ended, changing to something bright and empty, he held her, still swaying to that same beat. Then voices filled the hall beyond the door.
Chloe’s head lifted at the familiar sounds. Clark, Pete… and Lana?
Lex was the first to break the silence. “It seems you’ve been missed.”
“No, I doubt it…” but then she heard them call her name.
She looked at Lex, reading the possibilities. Never breaking eye contact she said, “I should go.”
“You should.”
Chloe backed away slowly from the warmth, sometimes a fire, other times pure solace, and immediately felt the chill. And kept on walking.
She turned and stopped. “Lex…” she said as she spun around. But he was gone.
A soft smile played over her lips, her fingers grazing the cheeks he had comforted. She almost didn’t notice when Clark grabbed her arm.
“Chloe! We’ve been looking all over for you. Where have you been?”
“Dancing,” she said simply, and let herself be led back into the prom. But this time it didn’t matter that her world was monochrome. She was passionate reds, aching blues, and violent blacks.